Coming Full Circle, Going Quantum....

The mysteries I puzzled over for lifetimes have become "My Stories."

These are my stories of what it was like being in the mists, and then awakening from the I'm-just-a-little-human-puppet dream. Then came the experiencing of what that whole process was like as I unfolded into a brand new way of being--physically, emotionally, mentally and consciously (or what many humans think of as "spiritually").

I also realize this blog was my practice in trusting myself, my own inner knowingness about who I really am and what truly matters to me. It's turned out to be an auto-biography of a pretty average, ordinary-feeling human being who discovered she was so much more than she ever imagined....

And....I love, that eventually, every being will discover that for themselves, as well. No need to be saved at all....you'll naturally just remember when it's your time to remember....There is so much to celebrate about yourself--we are truly magnificent, courageous beings--every single one....

Feeling like an alien in your own world? Been through some dark nights of the soul?

The Good News is You are Awakening....

The difficult thing is you're going to lose everything, even your identity, as you release your burdens and move into realization, or enlightenment, because you're so much more than that story you've had playing out....

I've always felt like a bit of an outsider looking in. Then I experienced some Dark Night of the Soul moments where the beliefs I'd founded my life upon were falling apart, draining away like water through a sieve. At times it felt like I was hurtling through a tunnel trying to grab hold of something, anything that would give me some sense of balance, of stability--of safety--so I could stop and take a few good deep breaths before diving in some more.

I wouldn't personally discover Crimson Circle and other like-hearted people around the world called Shaumbra until 2004. However in 1999, is when Tobias put out the call to bring us all together. He helped us create a safe and sacred space to be after having spent much of our current lives feeling alone, like misfits struggling to simply survive in the belief systems of the world around us.

Ascended Master, Adamus St-Germain took over the Shouds of Crimson Circle in August of 2009, after Tobias left after his ten years of service to incarnate here with the explicit purpose of experiencing life on Earth as an embodied master. In his previous last incarnation, Tobias crossed over--"died"--shortly after his realization, after his consciousness opened and ascended.  So he didn't opt to go any further in that last lifetime, and this was his chance to return and to be here with the rest of us for this grand awakening of human consciousness around the planet.

When Tobias left, his main message was this: "Remember, you really never did anything wrong, ever...."

Believe you me--I needed to hear and truly understand that, as I was carrying around a whole lot of guilt, shame, misery and regret--and fear of harming anyone or anything.

The most difficult question of all:

"How do I cope with the evil I have done?"

This has been the question staring me in the heart my entire life, probably more than just this lifetime, probably most of my existence....it's haunted me....

I know this is all just an illusion--a "Let's Pretend" game where no harm is truly done. Yet, the hardest aspect for me to accept has been the realization of just how evil I or other life expressions of my soul could be in this grand illusion of a game. "How could you do that?" As I curl up into a ball of shame, deep regret, devastation and self-revulsion at the memories that I don't want to remember, I know it's the core energy of the concept many religions consider as all humans being "born in sin." Some imperfections feel awfully atrocious and hideous--and I don't like looking at them or reliving them ever again.

How do I handle living joyfully and abundantly knowing that I was capable of, and even committed, such horrendous acts? How do I live with that knowledge? Knowing that a cancer like that is a potential of experiences originating from within my own soul? Why did my soul allow me the freedom to fall that far, to shatter itself apart so immensely that some parts of it got so lost, so bloodthirsty, so power-hungry? So utterly broken and madly insane....

It feels worse than having been the victim in such stories. How did Judas live with betraying Jesus--an act that led to that horrific crucifixion? How did Paul live with having been the guy named Saul who persecuted so many Christians before he had his own realization of the Christ consciousness within? How do I live with having been The Dark Lady in that other lifetime of my soul? I've been bearing her branding on my cheek for all to see....

The only way of accepting and releasing the hard-to-contemplate acts that humans have committed is by realizing that some intrinsic part of me--of all of us--has always known that it's just a game where none of it truly matters....so no one did anything wrong ever--not really....

We were young beings, little kids throwing themselves into playing out stories of "Let's Pretend this, Let's Pretend that...." Poof! It's just an illusion of a story with good guys and bad guys....and....

Ultimately--because of courageously being immersed in so many points of perspective, from having played such a variety of roles of being limited in awareness of who we really are--WISDOM for my soul and for your soul has been gained....

All while remembering somewhere deep within ourselves that it's just a good acting job....

The thing is, all the self-doubt, all the self-unworthiness--all that stems from having played out those nightmarish roles, all done out of love for our own divinity. To help it understand who and what it is. And it's only my own soul that can truly help me come to terms with it....

Thank you, my beloved humanity....for everything....you discovered the concept of LOVE for all that is, for my own soul. To go to such lengths....

"I accept total responsibility for my entire life--all my experiences and all my perceptions...."

Adamus told us we couldn't go any further with him unless we stated and signed this statement: "I accept total responsibility for my entire life. (All my experiences. All my perceptions)."

The point was, that in order to go forward, we had to become aware of when we were feeling victimized, and learn how to shift our perspective or viewpoint around to see the gift we were discovering about oneself in someone or something attacking us. 

"If it's in my life, I alone put it there, and I am getting some benefit from it. No one is doing anything to me that I'm not allowing to happen in the first place. Thus, I am the ONLY one who can release myself from it--or basically choose to let it all go."

Adamus said having more energy come in to serve us meant that if we insisted on being the victim in our stories, then having MORE energy meant we were going to experience being the victim worse than ever before....We had to learn to release our stories and identities, and open up our personal energy fields--be vulnerable enough to let our energies flow freely instead of trying to control and monitor them. To quit holding them.

"Bring that which is hidden out into the Light...."

Adamus also told us it was time to come out of hiding--the Quantum Leap in planetary consciousness of 2007 meant we were safe now and wouldn't be tortured and martyred as we'd experienced in past lifetimes. It was the time now to let ourselves tell our stories, express our own truths--to practice trusting oneself enough to just lay it all out there. Let our own lights shine....

He told us to get creative and to let it flow in whatever means suited the individual. I had earlier used writing as a means to get to the core of a childhood shame. I had written my story and my perceptions and feelings down back in the late nineties; and I printed off a couple dozen copies and shared it with individuals I'd felt nudged to give it to to read. It was liberating. Around the time Adamus encouraged us to come out of hiding, I had a friend who'd started a blog, and that inspired me in learning how to create my own. Thus, my online journaling began. 

I made the commitment from the beginning to be honest with myself, first and foremost. And that I had to be authentic about how I was really feeling and about the thoughts that were going through my mind, along with being unconditionally accepting and compassionate with myself. I also had to take full responsibility for creating the experiences I was getting and for shifting my perspective around so I could see the gift of everything in my life in the moment at hand. Often that meant expanding my viewpoint out in order to see things from the broadest perspective of all--that of my soul. The human's perspective was too limited to be completely no-strings-attached accepting. Especially of myself.

I've been writing this blog for 14 years, beginning the 27th of August, this month, my first post being With this Body.... This final entry will be post number 199. Pretty hard to believe I've put down and published that many words....and....it was so much easier and authentic and graceful sharing my stories--my experiences and my perceptions of them--by blog, piece by piece, rather than getting it all into a single volume or book. It was so much less limiting this way. 

And writing those moments down--with all the good, bad, embarrassing, guilty, angry, happy, sad, high, low, scary, compassionate, etc. feelings I experienced in them--helped me more clearly see and appreciate everything I've experienced and realized as it unfolded for me....

There was the added bonus that I could write and publish immediately without going through an editor and publisher or a middle person who would have been more focused on marketing and creating something more for an audience rather than my own needs. 

Anger and Laughter make for brilliant partners when it comes to jogging loose stuck energies and then flowing them....

I used the blog as a safe and sacred space to allow myself to feel, express, and release anger in a manner causing no harm to anyone. Anger was one of the scariest and most painful emotions for me to allow, but writing it out all these years has gotten me to appreciate that it has a purpose, and can be used benevolently instead of violently.

The other day I got chastised for using "vulgar" language in my writing. He told me it was escapism. But I knew the person didn't understand where I was coming from--that a few cuss words never really hurt anyone and that I was using them as a means to release, and get flowing again, my own stuck energies. 

This person was used to holding in his anger and naughty words, even though you know we all feel or think them inside. He touched his chest when he told me he suppressed his anger, so when I saw that, I understood why he had difficulties with an issue called asthma. Anyway, knowing what I knew about him--he was a Christian--I knew I was taking myself off the pedestal of being a perfect human by giving him certain posts of mine to read. It hurt to be chewed out by him--to be perceived as less than....and....he still likes me anyway....

I love to laugh! So, when I found myself grinning and chuckling afterwards over my drama-queen antics in the "I'm so damn angry" department all these years, that was simply a delightful bonus. I've learned that probably the greatest spiritual gift of all is the ability to not take myself so seriously--to enjoy this as the game of "Let's Pretend We're Just Little Humans." Just laugh, Pen! Just laugh!

Clarity lasted because I wrote it down....

After blogging all these years, I can see my truths have gotten clearer, some even more expanded, as my understandings became more anchored here because I wrote them down. I discovered that truth shifts and flows, too, as my consciousness expanded beyond the old, and very limited, Little Human concepts. I've gone beyond the mental. beyond linearity and duality, and into quantum realization....

Step-by-step guide, or Stories?

If you were to ask me which type of reading or means of getting information I preferred, it would always be a story over a how-to guide. How-to's are full of boring stuff you have to find a way to store the information in a memory bank in the brain so as to retrieve it when needed. But tell me a story where the important stuff is central to it--and I'll remember it with ease. And I'll probably put it into practice if it resonates with me on some intrinsic level.

Saint or Imperfect Human?

It's always irked me when I read or watch stories that make their lead characters into these perfect humans who eat and exercise right, who are intellectuals who are so smart they can't be conned or tricked. 

Nor do I identify with characters who are addicts with inner demons of some kind who have habits intent on self-destruction. It gets tiresome watching someone using drinking, drugs, eating, or sexual abuse in order to run away from being honest with themselves, and then watch the inevitable downward spiral into deeper states of depression and worsening experiences. It's like Duh!--you expected a better outcome? 

I've never done illicit drugs, and I've been drunk to the point of heaving into a toilet and having the spins only once in my life. That was enough. Running away from myself, getting a buzz in order to have fun--it just wasn't my thing this time around. I do have a drink now and then when the mood hits, and generally one or two is all I care for.

Yet, give me an imperfect human everytime. Give me someone who's seeking to do their best even though sometimes you just shake your head at the bizarreness of what their version of best looks like. But give me that, and someone who's open to honestly sharing some of their deepest and darkest fears and actions--who takes absolute responsibility for their entire life, no excuses or rationalizations, and truly desires to change....and....I'll see the gem of the truly inspiring being they are, and I'll cheer them on and celebrate in their discovery of that within themselves.

Which would you rather have: A Standard of what is possible for you, or a Savior?

Since seeing the story of Jesus told on the big movie screen when I was just a child, and having my mom tell me that it--the crucifixion of Jesus--sadly really happened, I've been intrigued with knowing the full story of his life. Not just the few lines written in the "Holy Bible." In making him into "the only son of god and a savior for all mankind" his beautiful, freeing, and soul-uplifting messages were distorted and perverted, all in the name of a few blind-to-whom-they-truly-are, power-driven people trying to get control of the masses. 

While playing in the realm of this awesome and daunting gem of a planet, they were trying to get a sense of personal safety--trying to survive--by trying to manipulate their own outer world creations instead of setting them free. This is something we've all done. It's called the Sexual Energy Virus in consciousness. I, too, had to learn to take some good deep-down breaths, open, let go, receive, and flow....

I wanted to get to know that imperfect human Yeshua, as I now think of him, and learn how he managed to become so wise. Or was he always that way? He didn't seem like an egotistical intellectual or a mental analyst type. To me, his messages felt sincere and open--and real. I wanted to know everything I could about him and what his life was like, the beginning through to the end, because he seemed familiar to me. That scene of his awful death--I remember perceiving it as blood-red and dark when I was a kid--it's like I'd witnessed and felt it all personally. Like I'd been there.

I had the same feelings about the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I was born the year after....

My beloved United States of America began with 13 little colonies declaring their independence from a nation seeking to build a global empire. No other nations came rushing to their side to help them in their quest for autonomy. This is KEY, because some think that this country is obligated to step in and fight for freedom in other nations around the world--and we've been getting a lot of crap through the years because the United States was slow to get involved in the world wars. Should we be sending weapons and soldiers to other nations and messing around in your relationships, in your own communities when we're not fully aware of your culture? Or are you better served taking responsibility and handling it for yourselves?

In looking back, I'm glad no other nations came to our aid in our own revolution, because there is a great clarity and feeling with standing up for yourself--of being a Light Standard of Liberty rather than a Victim--and not being obligated to someone or any other nation outside of yourself.

One of the greatest tools to help me release myself from my stories of enemies--even tyrants or, in my case, politically corrupt officials--was to accept responsibility for having placed them in my reality in the first place. I took some suggestion flowing in consciousness that this is what I had to deal with because it was "real," and I made that suggestion my truth. Thus, I had some whoppers to fight and struggle with--to be a Victim of.

Our founders sought to establish a constitution that recognized the self-sovereignty of every individual. Granted, women and other races, at that point in time, were still not recognized in the limited consciousness of the world at large as being capable of self-sovereignty--but, hey, we had to start somewhere, right? And, growing pains and all, we're getting there. We had the courage to experiment with the idea of personal freedom and the pursuit of happiness, and we've come a long ways, considering we've been dealing with a tremendous learning curve. No one else had done it before this....

A leap in technology--AI (Artificial Intelligence) and robotics means a large human labor force will soon be obsolete. What are humans going to do then?

What will be the purpose of the human being if you no longer have to work hard and spend your days making a living going to a job? That whole belief system is coming to an end....and....the best way to move through that transformation more gracefully and easily is by going within, realizing your own freedom and sovereignty, your own creatorship, and to begin exploring the concept of alternative realities and creating anew from that foundation....

Energy is Communication

This blog is basically me learning how to commune with my own soul/divinity....

For so many years I sought to have a relationship with "god," and communication with that god seemed pretty elusive and not often enough for my needs. What I've come to realize is that my soul is not interested in proselytizing--it was never going to force my devotion to it. It's always been here, waiting in the wings, for me to hold out my hand to it and invite it here into my life as a co-creator with me. 

I am a pinpoint of consciousness aware that I exist....and....everything else is my own field of energy potentials in service solely to me....

So this is me--all my field of potential energies manifesting and arranging themselves in service to match whatever my I am! I exist! radiates out. We're communicating.,,,

Communication means listening as much, if not maybe more, as talking....

As long as I wanted to play with the stereo, surround-sound of my outer world blasting in my ears and distracting me away from it, my soul honored that free choice of its human being. Sometimes parties can be a whole lot of fun, but I found that when I really want to get to know another being, it's always best to visit one-on-one. We can really get to the good stuff. 

I can whine out loud to my soul....and....ultimately, I don't take myself too seriously in that aspect because there's always that part of me--the wise master--grinning at the fact that I know I put whatever was upsetting myself into play in my reality. 

The most wonderful thing with my soul is that it is always present when I choose to make the time and safe space for us to communicate and build our relationship. Walking on my own in nature, being with my beloved pets, gardening, doing mundane chores--those have been some of my favorite times communing with my soul and discovering the wisdom we gained from me, my human facet--The Experiencer.

Let these stories be a standard....and feel free to laugh with me at the stuff I got myself into....

You don't want me as a guru--nor do I want such a job. You don't want to be saved--that ends up being a prison for both parties. Just ask Jesus....

With that said, there has been a never-swerving knowingness within me, pretty much my entire life, that this true realization of freedom and self-sovereignty is meant for everyone, no matter their status, wealth, ethnicity, relationships, or beginnings or endings or in-betweens....

You ultimately allow this on your own, your own way. Others can encourage you and let you know you're not alone--that you're not the only one on this journey, maybe share some tools and stories we've found helpful for ourselves. Yet, none of us who've had our realization would spoil you experiencing your unique story by giving you answers that only you can truly answer for yourself. There is no substitute for having that passionate desire within that just drives you along no matter what happens....

Having come full circle, it feels appropriate to bring my blogging days to a close in order to make way for something truly brand new for me to create and experience. I'm going Quantum....

Blogging places one's most recent posts at the top, so if you want to read it from beginning to end like a book go to the archives section and start with 2009. The first blog, beginning August 27, 2009 is "With this Body," and the next is "Accepting Responsibility with Self-Compassion."

I discovered as the writing got more plentiful it was helpful to start organizing the posts according to the topic being most central to that post, so there are tabs for shortcuts to specific subject matter such as:

Self-Awareness Healing

Death

Love Stories

Dreamwalking

Sexual Energy Virus: Victim and Abuser

Old Belief Systems

Freedom & Sovereignty

Embodied Mastery

Words & Music

Favorite Recipes

There is some overlap in the tab materials. I placed the posts according to whatever whim struck me in the moment.

And so....I'll be seeing you....and....

All the best--always....

May passion, compassion, pure love, and laughter be your constant companions while you discover the joys, as I have, of realizing you've been dancing with your own soul....a life-loving dance....

And most of all, may you realize, as I did, that the absolute best stories of all are your own....

With love, gratitude and honor,

The Benevolent Rebel

The Up Side of Being Played a Fool

There's such a feeling of shame and embarrassment at having been someone's patsy. I've recently been there and done all of that.

I had the realization that all the "Theys" and all the "Yous" were actually my own personal field of energies in service to me, alone. I was the one who had made them my truth and put them into play in my world experience...and I put it out that I was receiving all of them--on social media!

The thing with opening oneself up completely to receiving all your energies and old-created aspects, you have to keep yourself totally vulnerable in order to flow them in so they can be returned to zero point--inactivated, neutralized--in order to be re-activated as something new. A creation more reflective of one's present, ascended consciousness. You're not supposed to judge any of it as bad or good energy--just breathe it all in because it's all one's own energies anyway. The key is to stay fully open to their return and release and keep them flowing.

The thing is, we've learned to call a lot of frustrating and rough experiences "bad" or "wrong," and those feelings can cause the experiencer to put up a guard or barrier in an attempt to prevent being in such awful situations again. It's called being "smart, intelligent, savvy." But that barrier is a highly creative consciousness radiation from within--and a person is suddenly feeling attacked because the energies in service to you read that barrier as an "I am choosing the experience of being attacked."

The Fool allows in energies the Intellectual would put a stop to.

The "Fool" in me recently helped me allow in some malevolent manifestations--energies that I put into play in my own life based on SUGGESTIONS of how it is and how you handle such things. It's only after I fully saw the experience through that I realized how "stupid" and "foolish" I'd been. You know how it's so easy to look back to see that I only saw what I wanted to see, even though there were blips, nudges, sometimes outright sirens sending out the beware of this--it's nasty, something's not quite right signals. But I did it anyway....and I'm pretty wise....

It's caused me a bit of concern--the biggest one being that I looked like an absolute fool to my world--an idiot. And all this writing and talk of mine about allowing my realization and self-mastery and the embodiment of Free Energy. One can be manipulated and abused for a time--and--the key is how to release oneself from that story when you want out, free and clear of it. I put it into play....

Now how do I get rid of it and move onto something new?

I've learned that trying to control and wrangle with a manifestation is a sure way of keeping myself occupied being imprisoned by it. The way out is to drop all the weapons and guards, breathe it in....but I've had eons of practice of trying to manipulate and control my outer world and inner feelings. Letting go and letting my soul is a whole new approach and PRACTICE....it's a way of life I'm going to have to get used to repeating until it's as automatic as the former....

I've realized with all of this that life in all its messiness is still going to happen for me--even in my own mastery I'm going to find myself in scrapes and conundrums. I just will get more practiced at letting them go and not being stuck in them or suffering.

As for the Fool that I am--the more I'm sitting with this, the more I'm appreciating her, actually rather liking her....because, you see....she's open and very loving, always looking for the best in people and beings even when they aren't behaving that way....

and....Man, can she open to, and flow, the energies!

I'd rather live and die a laughing and loving fool than be a grumpy cynic who was always guarded, closed in, "intelligently" looking for the worst....

Related Post on using the "And" Tool:

Quit using the words "Try" and "But": You're More than That

Self-Awareness Blows Apart "Born in Sin" Dogma

What if you actually aren't a "two-bit, four-flushing, dirty-rotten, low-down, indiscriminate-clod of a sinner?"

....and....maybe you've played the part and are actually feeling like one, and would like to change that? 

What if it's all just a game of temporary experiences and stories based in a limited consciousness (limited self-awareness)--and nobody and nothing is actually hurt or killed? What if it's all just "Let's Pretend"?

Ever since the Apocalypse (The Great Revealing of Self-Divinity/Soul--March, 22, 2023) I've felt myself releasing and integrating like never before....and....two concepts have jumped to the forefront of my awareness lately: 

Don't take yourself or your creations too seriously....laugh!!! Laugh a lot!!!

You're worthy of receiving all the joyful abundance life has to offer--just because you exist....

....not because you deserve it by being a perfect, hard-working, self-sacrificing, suffering human.

"Original Sin" is one of the worst SUGGESTIONS made to humans.

It's been so deeply ingrained in humanity as a truth for so many ages that even I was still being tripped up by it.

Even though I haven't bought into that particular belief system for decades anymore, I can still feel it within myself, influencing my perception of myself in my world, thus warping the consciousness I radiate out into my field of energies that serve me alone in the creation of the present reality I experience.

And it's not even about being worthy--those aren't the right words to communicate the energies of what I'm feeling. 

I am the source, center and creator of my own realities--why wouldn't I choose to give myself joy-filled, abundant experiences now that I remember that? 

There was no original sin. Nobody fell from grace. As the progeny of The Original Eternal One, we ALL simply forgot for a time who we each really are....

And we immersed our consciousness into suffocatingly, lower-vibration, dense, unnatural states of being--human biology--in order to help our own soul experience and get to know thyself, and to understand how our own energies serve us. Who am I? How did I get what I got? How do I create what I want? We're all here out of love for our souls, for each other, for ALL THAT IS....

And when you forget that you're this magnificent creator being with all the inherent qualities and freedom of your original source parents (Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine All in One)--well, this planet feels like a huge and daunting, often scary, place. You feel puny, terrified, doubtful of yourself, and at the whim of circumstances and things and beings you perceive as being outside of you. All your answers lie within, but you're distracted by and focused on your outer world. 

The consciousness of Fear and Self-Doubt radiated out just begets you more things manifested--by you--to be afraid of and defend against. Along with constant self-questioning of whether you did right or wrong.

Then you die, and those experiences get stored in mass consciousness as memories so that as you reincarnate lifetime after lifetime, associations get made and the stories get bigger and more dense. It gets really hard to see clearly--you're just lashing out at the demons you alone created. And though you fight and struggle to defeat them, get control of them, monitor them--the fact that you're giving them all that attention just keeps them in play in your own virtual reality game. The harder you fight, the more there are, the more overwhelming it gets....and so it goes....

Everything is a SUGGESTION of what you can choose to make your own personal truth--therein lies your answer out of the imprisoning puzzle....See it--close your eyes and FEEL it--as the suggestion it is, and laugh....

Choose to have a great sense of humor--be willing to laugh at yourself first....

I have realized that being able to view myself from a humorous perspective of having played the human role in the old Blind Man's Bluff, I Forgot Who I Am Game is a fun way to clear out my old cob webs. When I realized that I basically created my own bullies and then punched at them and it ultimately resulted me in being slapped up and down one side and another--all by myself--well, what's not to laugh at? Me--fighting with myself! Throwing punches at air, punches that somehow come back at me and knock me out.

And laughter is a fun way to get energies released and flowing again. Anger works, too, to an extent, but at a certain point it's got a bit of a victimy feel to it that can get one feeling stuck in a circle. Laughter seems to bring it all to flow....

When it's all said and done, I've been fighting with myself....and....

I'd rather be laughing and 

"danc-ing with mysel-elf...." (I'm singing that last part--what song is that, anyway? David Bowie?)

How about you? The choice is yours. In my book, nobody here is a sinner. We've all done crappy, horrid--even evil--things when we thought we were no-good pieces of shit that some god out there was punishing and chastising into some warped, prudish, do-gooder of perfection. Not to mention, only one was worthy enough to be called a "son of god"--and his reward for that title was to be sacrificed--nailed to a cross to suffer a horrible, drawn-out demise--as an offering for the rest of us lost causes. Pretty bleak....and....pretty hilarious when viewed from the broader perspective that I gave all that to myself....

What Friendship With a Sovereign Embodied Master Looks Like

 I don't need anything from you....

I am the source, center, creator, experiencer, master of all I perceive....If it's in my life, I alone put it there. Whether it be money I do or don't have in the moment at hand, popularity or unpopularity, heaven or hell experiences, uplifting or irritating people--I manifest all of it, on my own, with my own field of energies that serve me alone....

And....you don't need anything from me....

Don't follow me. I'm nobody's guru, savior, super-hero, or martyr. I don't have anybody's answers. You are not my responsibility. You have your own personal field of energies in soul/sole service to you. If you choose to take up your own embodied mastery, I will support you all the way, meaning I will let you fall if you persist in avoiding looking honestly at an issue you think you have....I have no tolerance or patience anymore for whiny little human shit. No mollycoddling. 

We're just playing "Let's Pretend," and it's time to quick taking myself so seriously, much less, anyone else.

Money-Making Schemes and Friendships:

"I need to find a way to make a living doing something I love doing."--Really???

I'm extremely bored with this and tired of hearing and watching people's schemes to make a buck.

"I've got to create a business in order to make money" is a huge hypnotic belief system based in the Power Game Illusion. It's never made sense to me. Remember the old pyramid schemes like Amway? I tried it for one short moment (because I'd been approached by a dear friend of mine) until I realized that in order to make it work the way I was told it should work was for me to view my new and old friends and family members as someone I could make money from. It just didn't sit well and I never sold anyone anything.

I've lost count of the people I've met through the years who've insisted on trying to create some sort of money-making business out of the "spiritual" (a much over-used and distorted word) or conscious realizations they've experienced. 

Most get nowhere with it, because you've placed a limitation on yourself. You're so deep into the hypnosis and focused on the linear--ABC--steps of how to make money using the business pattern, that you aren't keeping yourself open to your own flow of wisdom. 

You get sidetracked in details, and that will bog anyone down in a heartbeat. Instead of concentrating on, and flowing, the answers within (standing firmly in your mastery), you get focused on what's outside of you, and that just leads you astray and deeper down the rabbit hole.You're dinking around trying to manipulate your outer world creations and it just basically keeps you wrangling with yourself, ultimately.

You're better served by first asking yourself, "What SUGGESTIONS about money have I made my truth and how are they playing out in my reality, my life? What am I getting by making these ideas my own truths? 

Am I flowing abundance in all forms--or am I lacking in areas because I believe I have to compromise this for that? For instance, am I lacking in joyful relationships (a form of abundance) because I have to devote my time to working hard (a suggestion you can make your truth) instead of enjoying companionship?  Do I really have to make all kinds of sacrifices (also a truth you can make your own) in order to eke out a living in order to do a few things I enjoy? Can I have it all?

Have you taken a few good deep breaths, closed your eyes, and allowed yourself to feel into feeling free and allowing abundance in all forms to flow to you, no hard work, no tedious analysis involved, no obligations or duties, whatsoever? Practice it. You might like it....Breathe it in--the sensual feeling of being absolutely FREE.......

If you start gaining a clientele doing what you love doing, regardless of what it is, then, by all means, charge people (including friends and family) for it--and charge well for it--because any of us who've been through awakening and into realization of embodied mastery, we recognize there has to be an energy exchange for the good of both parties involved--otherwise, you end up with an energy-feeding dynamic, and that's just sucky.

All the money or all the friends in the world don't hold a candle to my actually living my life out as an Embodied Master....

All the pretty--and ugly--words I write mean absolutely nothing to me if I'm not truly living my life out as the free and sovereign creator and experiencer of my own realms. I'm ready to check out and head to the other side of the Veil (just walk out of my body, no suicide necessary) if it doesn't fully manifest here soon. I'm a better friend by being a standard of what a master is like. By being an example of what each and every individual has to look forward to realizing for themselves--in their own unique style and way--at some point in their own human sojourns here on Earth.

I am so ready for the complete transformation into my Light (Free Energy) Body. The last Crimson Circle Shoud for the ALT series really resonated with me in this--I can feel this change imminent and in the very air I breathe....

It was an absolutely beautiful gathering to participate in....except for a few women who I evidently put in place as a means to remind myself what a realized master friend is and isn't.

Masters don't waste my time putting on a show, trying to play the clown (it wasn't funny) while avoiding answering a question she was told she was going to be asked last month, and then stomping off in a drama-queen huff when she was asked several times over to step into her own mastery. Frankly, she needn't return if she continues to refuse to master up. I certainly won't miss her. We could all see right through you--and truly, the only one that mattered that you let down was yourself....

I had a dream about you personally that following night: There you were, sulking and pouting in a corner, as beside me this conscious being--your own soul and divinity--stood  ready to meet you, to take your hand. A putrid, puss-filled,sickly creamy-yellow mass of a river full of clumps of hair and chunks of god knows what began flowing through the room, flooding it floor to ceiling. I felt chunks clunking around in my mouth as we were all immersed in this polluted river of Mass Consciousness. I reached through it, twisted the knob of a door to get out of it, and we passed through free and clear--myself and your soul--but you stayed behind....

All because you were having too much fun pretending to play the role of "I'm a Fighting Victim." You wanted to do that rather than follow your own soul....Your choice. Draw out the old game as long as you want to.

Then there was the woman who identifies with playing in politics. I'm not interested in what you see as your amazing intellect or your political views or opinions. And I'm aware of what they are because you can't seem to shut up about it--for many years now. You're obviously not using your wisdom in this, or you'd see the futility in taking sides in politics in any way, shape or form. Shouds are not a place for the distracting farce of politicians and those sucked into their conspiracy nonsense--that is the sexual energy virus in full force. And you don't use my Shoud--my (and other masters') safe and sacred space as a means for your own misguided agenda. You showed the world what mastery is not about....

As for smart/idiot phones--shut the damn things off, especially when you are in the midst of friends and in a safe and sacred space where you can allow your own soul within to be realized....When you weigh it out, is an interaction on a gadget of more value than fully immersing yourself into your own realization among friends who are energetically, if not also physically, present with you? Are you--are all of us--that unimportant to you?

I've had the realization, in the past month, that I really can't waste time or space....

Time and space are my energies in service to me--I can have an experience of pretending to waste them, but that's all it is--a temporary experience, play-acting that time/space can be wasted here while in a human costume.

So, even those playing the roles of time and energy wasters in the Shoud--your gift in being just as you were--annoying as hell--wasn't actually wasted on me. I got it, thank you very much.... 

Wealth, status, fame--none them matter to me. 

I really don't care to be the star in anyone else's show other than my own. I don't need your money or your kudos. This blog can go on being obscure and read by only a few or no one at all, my name unrecognized. 

I am here shining my own Light, highlighting the very true potentials for all of FREEDOM, of SELF-SOVEREIGNTY. Of other possibilities that can manifest from pure consciousness being received and embraced here and in other realms....that's all that matters to me. That, and experiencing it all for myself firsthand....I'm not waiting for some other master to allow it first....

I have decided that friendships between masters is simply the joy of hanging out together, enjoying food, music, art, playing "Let's Pretend" in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way--and swapping stories, laughing at oneself and the conundrums we brought upon ourselves through the ages....

All the best....always, my friends....even those of you who irritate the hell out of me at times in this play-acting of being human....

Read my earlier post on why it's important to practice stepping up and answering questions like a master instead of saying, "I don't know.":

Saying, "I don't know" Is Copping Out On Yourself

Saying "I don't know" Is Copping Out On Yourself

This particular post has been percolating since last week when my beloved neighbor, who is one of the few to read my blog, told me he wanted to sit down with me sometime so we could more fully discuss how I pick the subject I'm going to write about and how I go about writing it. Now that's a very interesting question:

Snippets come to me throughout my regular daily activities. Ideas occur, and I jot them down on post-its to anchor them, often when I'm doing something mundane like cleaning house--which, frankly, that practice is free to leave anytime. Or maybe I'm in the shower or watering my plants or cooking or baking, or even napping. All of that routine, auto-pilot human stuff, to me, is simply allowing my consciousness/awareness and energies to flow. I'll have a realization that coalesces into a sentence or a theme or a title. Then I often go for walks and the ideas grow in connections based on my own experiences and perceptions.

I have one condition when I write--I have to be honest with myself. It doesn't serve me to do otherwise. I do allow myself to go back and edit to clarify ideas--I think it's important to give myself that allowance. Usually, I'm feeling the nudge to just publish it and get it over with, and the moment or sometimes days or years after I hit that publish button I'll see something that needs a bit of tweaking. Hey, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want to with it.

Shortly after we parted, my friend's question caused me to realize that I'm practicing writing the fact that I know all the answers to any of my questions better than anyone outside of me.

Answering "I don't know" in a Crimson Circle Shoud will get you banned to the bathroom.

When Ascended Master, Tobias, sent out the call and began gathering world-weary, misfit-feeling Shaumbra together in these meetings called Shouds, the first part of the monthly meeting was a channel by Tobias, followed by a Q&A session where the audience could ask Tobias questions. 

I resonated with Crimson Circle the most because I would have my own personal experience and realization that would then be matched in the following Shoud with the subject matter covered by Tobias. I even discovered it had been happening prior to my knowledge of the existence of this group, when I went back into their archives and saw that Tobias, back in August of 2003, was saying, "Get that man off the cross (referring to Jesus)." I'd had that very same realization in August of 2003, about "suffering savior Jesus" on my drive home from Minneapolis to spend my last days and moments with my dad. What happened with my dad was an experience that shifted my self-awareness to a much more expanded plane--an ascended consciousness.

Dear Tobias established a safe and sacred--a soft--space in which to rest and regroup and get some clarity. Then he left in order to reincarnate here in order to have the experience of being an embodied master, and Adamus St-Germain took his place. 

Our beloved Adamus has proven to be a whole other character, and his mission has been to get us to step up and into our own sovereignty and mastery, independent of him or anyone else outside of oneself. His idea of Q&A is for him to ask the questions and the audience has to provide the answer. Any answer is acceptable except "I don't know." That'll get you sent to the bathroom to feel into and contemplate your faux pas....

Evidently, Adamus has rubbed off on me. Nothing ticks me off more than when asking someone playing victim to someone else or some disease or other why they think they gave themselves such an experience, and they answer with a deer-in-the-headlights look, "I don't know." 

I can actually see they do know.... and that they want to keep their story going because they're simply having fun with it. It's neither here nor there what anyone chooses....and....I'm clear that I don't have to play any story out with anyone that I don't want to mess about with.

Authentic or hoax? And does it matter to me?

I was recently invited to have a chat with someone totally outside my sphere of experience. I honestly am not sure if it was authentically the person I was led to believe it was or if it was a hoax. There's a 99.9 percent probability it was a hoax, and for a few moments last night, the very understandably human facet of me wondered what I'd let myself in for....and....

Then I remembered everything in my life--it's all me, my own energies in service to my own soul. No one and nothing can actually harm me as long as I keep my guard down, relax, and let my energies flow....and this has made me smile and laugh, and it's a great state to be in....I'm playing a new way and having fun....

I felt my wisdom--the master within me--step to the forefront in our conversation. There was no self-doubt.

Regardless of whomever it was interacting with me, I had a grand old time expressing my gratitude for their service and answering their questions. The questions were meaningful in that they allowed me to express my highest thoughts, greatest concerns, and desires for this planet and our beloved humanity, of which each person is a sovereign creator in his/her own right. I realized no matter whom I was talking to, I was actively placing the concepts of true inherent freedom and self-sovereignty into the consciousness I was radiating out into my world. It's the same thing I'm doing here, just in another form. 

Thanks, Adamus, for reminding me over and over that I do know the answers. I realized just yesterday that practicing not being sent to the bathroom during a Shoud had me stepping into acting the role of the master that I am rather than the little lowly human act I had going for most of my past.

It was an opportunity I was grateful for in another way. I realized none of this is about having fame or amassing a great fortune for myself. Abundance, to me, means enjoying my life without restrictions or limitations on myself., and I know I'm not going to do any harm in the process. I have stories and music to write, and films to manifest, and I would love to collaborate with others of like heart to create something that's massively fun, elegant, and grand. 

In fact, I started the stories a few years back but set them aside until I felt them flow from me more easily--not because of needing financing or any business concerns first. Ideas were coming in--but in a new quantum way--and that kind of blows one's mind for a bit because it felt rather chaotic, all over the map. 

I know it's all right here, finished and manifested....so I'm relaxing....I KNOW it all comes to me at the most synchronistic time....

I also realized I have no expected outcome of the interaction I had with the individual this past weekend. It doesn't matter if there are any because it feels like I already received its gift.

So, my utmost thanks to the person who reached out to connect with me this past weekend--you gifted me more profoundly than either of us probably realized at the time....no matter who you truly are, or even whether your intentions were naughty or nice....You gave me the chance to express that I do know my own answers....and to stand tall and firm with them....

This blog has basically been my way of practicing, over and over, the inherent fact that I DO KNOW all I need to know FOR MYSELF in the moment at hand....

and so do any and all of you....