Boosting Your Immune Systems During CO-VID, Flu, and Cold Season

Rather than just reacting to getting sick, how about changing perspective and taking action to give yourself support before contracting any virus or disease? And if you're in the midst of it or you've already had the virus, help build your immunity and strength back up?

For starters, get back into your own body and become aware of what is happening within you. Lie back, close your eyes, take a few good deep breaths into your diaphragm below your lower rib cage: Inhale through your nose (1,2,3,4). Hold the breath in the diaphragm (1,2,3,4). Exhale the breath out through your mouth (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8). 

Now, feel into your heartbeat and keep gently breathing. Then do a body scan, and if you notice any points of pain or tense muscles, place your awareness there. Take another deep breath, remind yourself, "I'm okay," while you explore and feel into the tension and describe the pain to yourself like you're researching it. Diving into fully experiencing the pain this way helps me shift out of the fear of it and the mental-emotional trigger of it. All of this will help you get relaxed, and the more relaxed you are, the less the fear, the less the pain. If you cry, that's good, because tears help you release toxins--just be sure to hydrate yourself.

Sometimes I've needed some pain medication or therapy to help lessen the severity of the spasms so I could relax enough to do this. I've even resorted to using a cough syrup once when I had the flu a few years back--it was settling in my chest and was so painful even steaming myself and all my other alternative remedies weren't relieving it.

Always stay hydrated by drinking plenty of fluids.

The Body Pendulum: 

I use the body pendulum while standing upright. For those who are accustomed to using a crystal as a pendulum, this is the same thing. You just don't need a tool to carry around because the tool is you!

The body pendulum is a simple tool I use to ask my body and inner awareness or intuition yes or no questions to help me discern if certain foods, medicines, items are something that are supportive to what I'm looking for in that specific moment. 

I hold the object to my heart area with both hands, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and ask, "Is this right for me?"

If I lean forward towards the item, onto my toes or balls of my feet it means YES.

If I rock backwards onto my heels it means NO, not at this time.

If I don't lean at all, that means it's NEUTRAL, and won't matter either way.

Using Vitamin C to Boost Your Immune System

Vitamin C is a fat-soluble vitamin. You need to take it with fat in order for it to be absorbed and utilized by your body. Otherwise you just pee it out without getting its benefits. So take it with your meals. I grew up taking Shaklee vitamin C and other supplements because my parents were determined to keep us healthy and balanced--there were eight of us kids--and prevention was cheaper than doctoring.

Vitamin D and Sunlight

I walk outdoors quite a bit, and I don't like sunglasses so I get plenty of vitamin D by absorbing it through my eyes. But there are people in these northern, cold-weather climates who aren't out enough for this, and so find a D supplement is helpful. You need to determine whether it's something for you or not--use your own intuition, ask your doctor, ask a pharmacist. Your answer will come to you--just ask the question.

Zinc

One of the common symptoms of CO-VID is loss of taste or smell. I lost my sense of taste with a flu/cold virus back in 2017/18. Many homeopathic cold remedies have zinc in them, and sometimes people getting the corona virus feel like they are just getting a cold. 

They've discovered that zinc helps patients restore their senses of taste and smell. 

 Lemon Slices (with the zest) and Honey in Hot Water

I've discovered that a slice of lemon with 1/2 teaspoon honey placed in an already boiling cup of water helps me clear my sinuses and lessen coughs. Don't microwave your lemon and honey--put it in the water afterwards. Straight lemon juice in water doesn't agree with my stomach, but if I use a real lemon slice, the yellow zest on the peeling seems to alkalinize it so it's easy for me to ingest. Honey has natural anti-bacterial properties, too. And, most importantly--it's a rather tasty and comforting drink, as well.

The 16-17 Hour Fast

I don't resonate with all these diets. They tend to be a fad, sell us a little something, work for a limited time, and then we fall back into our old habits and put on even more weight.

While in my consciousness awareness it resonates that I should eventually be able to eat or drink most anything without consequence, my biological body and mind are still in a denser state and are trying to keep up with this awareness. Also, as my awareness has heightened, my incoming free energy or light body is highly sensitive to the dense mass consciousness, so I have allergic reactions and symptoms like I never used to have. So, it's been my experience that I can push myself too hard into the new, and hurt myself in the process. I put on some weight, especially around my stomach, and no amount of exercise and eating such and such made much difference.

A month ago, a friend told me about seeing a video on how beneficial it was to just quit eating by a certain time of the evening and allowing our natural circadian rhythms to do their thing. I asked my husband to try it with me because I cook for both of us. We quit eating after 8:00 P.M. and, other than our morning cappuccino, generally don't eat again until noon the next day. We're both sleeping better and my clothes are fitting me much better. We eat homecooked meals and I bake us sweets for our afternoon coffee or for an evening dessert, and make sure we mix in some fresh fruits and vegetables--and we order out for fast food probably once a week because I like French fries. But we're eating less and stopping by 8:00. 

As with all things--we use this as a general guideline, not a written-in-stone law, and it's helping at this particular moment.

Stretch-sitting and Glidewalking

Walking in nature is one of my favorite and most self-balancing and centering activities, but as my spine was making adjustments out of an ancestral pattern of scoliosis, the pain limited my ability to walk with any sense of joy in the process. A couple years ago, a disc in my lower back bulged and I crawled around on my bed for 7 days and nights straight without sleep. A very compassionate chiropractor helped me get some relief along with using ibuprofen/Advil. But I realized I needed to strengthen my back and abdominal muscles--get myself moving again.

My sister told me to google Esther Gokhale and primal posture. She has videos all over YouTube and a book out with all the exercises. It was my saving grace. She teaches Stretch-Sitting which helps lengthen the space between vertebrae, and acts like putting oneself in traction while sitting. Glidewalking is a natural and elegant form of walking that uses the gluteus muscles meant to be used for the purpose of walking and running. I now walk, sleep and sit without pain. I do both practices all the time, and my physical endurance has noticeably increased. I even shovel snow and garden and lift without injuring myself. 

Sea-salt or Epsom Salt Water Baths

Our bodies are mostly salt-water--just like our Earth and its oceans--and sea-salt water baths help us clear and balance our energies also. Water and salt water help to keep consciousness and energies flowing.

Bathe in salt water, as it both helps to clear toxins and balance your electrolytes.  

Drink water to keep yourself hydrated. Gallons of it isn't necessary, just make a point to sip on it throughout the day. I drink a few ounces upon awakening each morning, and I do a few ounces right before bed, as it helps my organs to function more smoothly. 

In the past, when coming out of a flu or cold, I have intuitively felt like I'd reached a saturation point with drinking just plain water or even the lemon water. I instinctively wanted something salty to help balance it out. Use your own inner awareness with your body to guide you.

Apple Cider Vinegar and Water Footbaths

Our cat had urinary tract infections, and because I hated taking her to a vet and trying to get her to swallow the antibiotics, I decided to look up a holistic alternative. Turned out, it broke down the crystals which caused the infection. For both cats and dogs, they recommended either parting the fur at the nape of neck and squirting in a dose, or dipping both front paws in a solution of 1/2 c. Raw Apple Cider Vinegar and 1/2 c. Distilled Water 3-4 times a day for about 3 days or until symptoms are gone. Mix it up and store in the refrigerator.

The skin is the largest organ so we can absorb medications through it that our digestive tracts find hard to ingest. Vinegar, for all its benefits, didn't agree with my stomach.

I started keeping a squeeze bottle in the fridge to squirt a small amount into my palm and rub into my hands when out gardening or doing something that dried out my hands--it soothed and smoothed rough skin like no amount of lotion seemed to do. 

My husband and I both soak our feet in a bucket filled with enough warm tap water to cover our toes and a cup of apple cider vinegar. It takes care of toenail fungus and rough feet.

These are just a few ideas that have come my way that I've found useful. Hopefully, they may help some of you. I've always had the best outcomes after realizing that I was responsible for my own life and well-being and deciding to take care of myself. 

Don't take my word for any of it, feel into it, see if it resonates. Try out the body pendulum. You are your best guide.

Much love, everyone!

Being Present with Loved Ones in Isolation and ICU

Someone very dear to me has someone very dear to her in ICU with CO-VID, and it's because of a conversation with her that I've felt nudged to share a few ideas and perspectives that helped me out when two of my beloved brothers and a very dear sister-in-law, on separate occasions, ended up in ICU in the past. One of them, Steve, crossed over, and my other brother, survived Guillain-Barre Syndrome and endured an incredibly long hospital stay. My sister-in-law was in hospital for several months also with a rare form of lymphoma. All of them had touch-and-go moments. 

And it's tough on the families and loved ones watching them go through it--hours and hours spent in hospital waiting rooms or beside beds with the person who's sick connected to all kinds of machinery--tubes down their throats, respirators and IVs. It all turns into an exhausted blur of just trying to survive, moment by long-drawn-out moment. And your heart aches...

And, have you noticed how the energies of hospitals feel heavy the moment you walk in the doors? And they get heavier still when you go to the ICU floor? We took the elevator up a few floors to see our brother, and even my sister commented, unsolicited by me, on the heaviness of  the area of the ICU in relationship to the other hospital floors. It's noticeable when you feel into it.

Rather than sit in those dreadful energies of hospitals, I encouraged some of my nephews and nieces who lived some distance from the hospitals to return to their own homes and families, and to continue to go about their days--that they could do that and still be an energetic and conscious presence with their dad--a light of love and compassion and grace.

We are multi-dimensional beings, and can be consciously present in many places at the same time. It doesn't matter where our physical bodies happen to be. In fact, I was channeling the wishes of my brother, Steve, while here in my own home, one hundred miles away. I was clearer, more present and balanced with them, whether here at home or on my quiet drives to the hospital than I was when I was physically with them in the hospital. I'd walk into those rooms with all that machinery hooked up to them and fall apart into a blubbering idiot when I tried talking with them, or I'd feel myself shut down and shrink into a ball of survival mode. Just endure it.

With that said, my heart goes out to all of you who've endured those hospital stays--whether as a patient or a visitor. And this year of 2020 with the CO-VID virus--due to isolation--so many have not been able to physically be with their loved ones in the most critical of moments.

That's why I'm offering this perspective to feel into for yourself--see if it resonates.

Dreamwalking isn't only for escorting loved ones who've died to the other side. You can dreamwalk a birth into new life. You can dreamwalk to other times--past and future. You can dreamwalk with someone isolated in a hospital bed.

You can dreamwalk with your loved ones, no matter where any of you are physically. Just be an agenda-free all-loving, all-grateful presence walking beside your loved one. No talking, no directing--just be.

You probably are already doing it and not realizing it. For me, I recognize it's happening now when I suddenly can hardly keep my eyes open and feel a need to lie down and nap. I'm usually out for a couple hours, and it takes a bit of time to feel fully embodied afterwards--kind of groggy and not quite all here yet. I'm dreaming, but often I don't recall anything upon awakening. 

Even if that happens, just trust that on some level of consciousness you're connecting--it's often hard to bring that awareness back into this dense earth level. Trust your own loving and compassionate intentions, and it will be so.

Steve and I made a choice to connect with each other in a different realm back in 2006. It actually happened. We did it while asleep in different rooms one night. In my dream I was cheering that we'd done it, and made a note to myself to be sure to remember it and bring it up to Steve in the morning. I forgot it, and then suddenly remembered it, but Steve didn't remember a thing. The only way he knew he'd been travelling in other realms was he woke up dizzy and nauseated, which was a common occurrence for him when he dreamwalked. People he'd visited would remember him, but he wouldn't recall anything. He'd just awaken off-kilter.

My sister and I were definitely dreamwalking with our dad weeks before his death. I'm guessing other family members were, too, though I haven't discussed the idea with them. 

You don't necessarily have to nap and get horizontal to choose to energetically be with someone.

As you go about your daily tasks, stop a moment here and there, take deep calming breaths and talk with your loved ones.

You may find you're coming from a place of more clarity and acceptance and gratitude when you're calm and more relaxed and in your own safe and sacred space of home. I feel I'm doing everyone in my world--my loved ones and their caregivers--more good when I'm radiating that out rather than anxiety and worry and guilt.

Much love, my friends. You're not alone. I'm here with you in love and gratitude for the gift you each are to me--no matter where our bodies are physically.

Trust Yourself First and Foremost

The answer lies within you,

I found it here in me!

How much more must we endure before we're all FREE?

Spend a little time alone with yourself. Go inside, feel into the love and compassion and wisdom that's all YOU! Those dark little guilty secrets you shy away from--lie back, close your eyes and take some good deep into your diaphragm (lower rib cage) breaths to get yourself relaxed. Open your energy field wide and feel into and explore those emotional and physical pains. Beneath every single one is a bright and shining gem of compassionate wisdom gained all because an unbelievably brave soul in a human costume forgot who she/he was and dived into experiencing her own creation out of love for all that is.

The old consciousness power players are having their last hurrah. They know they are on their way out--there is too much light and awareness in the world for them to stay hidden in shadow anymore. They've had their era, done their service for humanity through the extremes of duality that we all experienced. All that was kept in secret is rising to the surface for release and healing. It takes being deeply asleep and unaware of who one truly is in order to do dastardly deeds here. I send them all mercy and grace as their own karma will quickly address whatever harm they put forth.

I shudder at the idea of people placing all their trust in externals like "fact checkers" and biased news and censoring social media. It all seems intent on keeping everyone fighting with friends and loved ones--destroying our nation from within. It's such a blatant effort at freedom limitation and mass control that I just have to shake my head that it's lasted as long as it has. It shows me how programmed we humans have been to stay in the box and not question the status quo.

I also don't like pity and victimhood being used as a motivator to get people to behave according to some convoluted idea of what's right and what's wrong. Anyone using pity is asleep yet and they are having nightmares.

In my many truth-seeking forays into various belief systems like government, politics, health, business, family, spirituality, education, death--even simple consciousness--I found that even though initially I resonated with certain ideas and seemed to find a safe spot to be for awhile, eventually I'd end up feeling betrayed and standing on the outside, and I'd toss away a whole lot of baggage, and return souly to me and the bright and shining truth I felt of love and gratitude for all. 

Even people I admired and held dear eventually let me down. 

I discovered the futility of trying to control the behavior of others, and instead looked deeper into the hearts of those around me to see who they truly were and how they were serving me by being whatever way I was perceiving them to be--dark or light.

And it was all appropriate and in loving service to me, because they all caused me to drop the outer world and go within, where I discovered this Christed, loving, wise and compassionate, benevolent rebel of a being.

False prophets and teachers will say, 'Here is the Christ! Jesus is coming! Look over here! Look over there!'... But the true teacher is the one within your heart. Listen to that one. Listen to that heart part instead of the hypnotized head. Love leads the way and does no harm.

In those last moments of blessing my dad through his feet, even when my mind yelled at me that I was crazy for doing it, my heart felt such all-encompassing love and gratitude that it outshone any hypnotic mental overlay that tried to keep me in check--docilely in the matrix, so to speak.

Years ago, I had a dream where humanity's focus on the external rather than each individual's internal wisdom was made blatantly clear to me:

All around me were big movie screens that captured and held the attention of other fellow humans. They were entranced by commercials and dramas and games and self-perfecting practices. I was throwing out seed to feed the chickens, but only these iridescent, translucent birds (invisible to the other humans) saw it to eat it. Everyone else was too busy looking outside of themselves--watching a metaphorical TV--to realize the beauty and mastery that was always present within themselves. 

"Don't throw your pearls before swine." This phrase always comes through with the memory of that vision. It doesn't mean humans are a bunch of pigs. It just means they are so deeply immersed into a hypnotic overlay and into an identity of playing the role of a sinner in a mucky pig-pen, that they aren't seeing themselves for who they truly are. And they won't until they're ready...everyone is playing their unique part in this tremendous planetary transition in conscious awareness.

Everything has led me to this profound realization that I now deeply trust myself--first and foremost.

I know I'm not going to harm anyone. Am I going to offend some people? Probably--but that's their own issue. I know the love and acceptance I am coming from. I am not blaming anyone--I'm thanking them for all parts played out just for me in helping me realize and understand how my consciousness radiation and my own field of energy serves me.

Intelligence and wisdom are not the same thing.

Smart people are not necessarily wise. You can be extremely intelligent and be immature in conscious awareness of yourself. Wisdom comes from the distillation of all your human experiences. It means it's full of compassion that only can be truly experienced by having been there, done that.

Technology can be of grand service to our world--but remember it's external. Consciousness is always within you. Only your conscious awareness of yourself will determine whether technology is benevolently or maliciously used in your realm--your own sovereign domain. 

Trust that crystalline realm within your own heart to be your guide first, and then the external will follow suit. 

Choose to be free yourself first by feeling into how freedom feels and openly shining that as you go about your day.

And then create the kind of world you enjoy being in by setting it all free, as well--instead of trying to control it externally.

How are YOU allowing CO-VID 19 to serve you in your personal interactions?

Are you using CO-VID as a way to maintain compassionate friendships, or are you alienating friends and family and neighbors? Some are using it as a weapon of being self-righteous, no matter what the cost--including giving their own sovereignty away to someone outside of oneself. Regardless of where and how it originated, we all have a personal choice of how we're going to use it in our own world.

I have utmost appreciation and compassion for all who have experienced CO-VID, or have lost loved ones because of it. I don't wish it on my worst enemy--though I don't really have enemies. I see everyone playing a role for me, out of the love of their soul, even and especially those pretending to be my enemies. I know they've forgotten who they really are, and I'd rather help them remember that than fight with them. Fighting is a waste of my time and energies. I just really don't like to fight.

One thing I realized I could do was to help ease the fear surrounding the virus by listening to those who've had it share what it was like for them, and what they did to take care of themselves through it. 

The symptoms vary in intensity according to the individual; and some medications work for one, but not for the next. One person lost only his sense of taste, some with allergies said initially they thought it was just their allergies acting up, and that it felt like they just had a cold. Some have had the fever and dry cough and extreme knock-you-off-your-feet exhaustion. One had no fever or cough at all, and was just extremely exhausted. Others tell of having terrible back aches and pains. 

I've heard people say they were following all the precautions, wearing the masks, testing their temperature daily at their place of work, washing their hands, and they still contracted CO-VID. Like any other flu or cold virus, it's out there, and I choose to help support us all through this the best way I know how.

As for medications, one of my friends was given the same mini-dosage steriod that was administered to Trump, and that person found it helpful--said they never had a fever or a cough, but lost their sense of taste and was extremely exhausted for about 2 1/2 weeks. This particular person suffers from allergies and admitted to being afraid of contracting it. They said it was no picnic by any means, but was relieved they were done with it. 

A friend told me about a doctor who realized his asthma patients weren't having the distressing symptoms as badly as others, and he made the connection that the steriod budesonide was in their asthma inhalers. He was prescribing a mini-dosage of the steriod for those CO-VID patients that needed it.

Tylenol is recommended for fever and chills, but Advil seems to make things worse.

Another was given cough medication but said it was worthless for them. 

Zinc supplements, which are found in many cold remedies and eye strengthening supplements may also be linked to helping individuals get back their sense of taste.

Those were just the few things that have come to mind for me, and by no means am I saying they were for everyone. You really have to close your eyes and feel into all of it to discern if any of it resonates with you personally. Your own intuition is your best guide.

If someone makes a blanket judgment it doesn't sit well with me. And if someone chastises everyone else for something one individual did, that doesn't sit well either. It actually gets my back up, and I probably won't "play" with them anymore. Would you? 

A couple of wise individuals I've talked with recently both said they had chosen to stay off social media because they were tired of people saying things on there that they wouldn't dare say face-to-face. Emotional triggering by unawakened individuals is manipulating people into doing and saying the craziest stuff. Everyone would be well-served to shut off the news and shut off the social media so they can calm down and get centered within themselves. We are at our clearest and best when we're calm and trusting of oneself first. And simply being that way is more of a service to one's world than shouting from a soapbox or walking in protest marches--you actually have more benevolent impact. Everything else just naturally falls into place in our lives then, too.

As for anyone or any group out doing malicious acts--we don't have to worry about trying to deal with them. Anyone intent on dark acts--their own karma is going to hit faster and harder then ever before. Our conscious awareness on this planet is too high to support anyone intent on power and control. 

This is all ultimately about freedom for all and using the technology we've been gifted with for the good of all. 

It's up to each sovereign individual how they're going to use it in their own uniquely created world.

It's all up to you--how you choose to experience this--and that's as it should be.

I'd just rather do it united than rather than divided.

P.S. If you happened to be one of us humans who found yourself emotionally triggered in all of this to say or do something that you regret, don't feel alone. We've all been there and done that, myself very much included. We're all human and we're feeling our way through all these planet-changing, life-changing epic events. Fear always accompanies any change just because we're out of our comfort-zone of familiarity with the old, so give yourself a break. What we did in the past doesn't even exist right now. The present is all we have. We're all just simply doing our best to cope in each moment at hand, even if it might look pretty bizarre to someone else.

Much love and light and blessings to all. Thank you all for your service to me in helping me realize who I am.

The New Warfare: Divide a Nation from Within

As I've shared throughout this blog before, in the mid to late nineties, I delved into conspiracy and government corruption. I saw two parties who were pretty much the same when I felt into the core of them. I watched the political debates on TV and realized that each candidate was mouthing a bunch of words they had statistically analyzed that their constituents wanted to hear--but in truth, I could sense that it wasn't heartfelt, and that they had their own agenda. None of it was about serving humanity in actual freedom. It was about gaining power and control over the masses. It was about making laws and limitation for others basically so they could feel safer and lord it over others.

When we're in a place of calm clarity ourselves, everyone of us senses when someone is lying to us or when they are trying to emotionally manipulate us. We just do--it's part of our make-up.

I will not name names here, but the reason I chose to withdraw from paying income tax for a few years was because I saw a film where public officials were using children for sex and snuff films. I was beside myself with grief and fear for all the beloved kids in my life, and in no way was I going to finance that. I was truly concerned about the world I left as my legacy. I wanted to be a contributor to the self-sovereignty and freedom of all.

I returned to paying taxes because of living in perpetual harassment and intimidation. Because I was just in the beginning stages of learning about freedom and that big word "sovereignty," I hadn't grasped fully enough how to claim my own sovereignty without throwing up a red flag and inviting in to myself a whole lot of trouble and drama and trauma that really didn't resonate with me. 

I've since learned that sovereignty isn't something you have to write out and submit to your local courthouse. It is your FREEBORN, NATURAL inheritance from the Eternal One or source, regardless of the country you live in. It's who you are. You live it out in your own day-to-day life, with every interaction. And you don't try to control or limit or harm others because you know that if you do that, it's ultimately going to come back and hit yourself, only harder. As I've lived this out for myself, frankly, there is absolutely no desire to mess with others or hurt another. It's just not in me. All the striking out of my past was done out of fear and feeling backed into a corner with no way out.

While I let go of playing in conspiracy--fear is not something I want to use to motivate others to claim their own sovereignty--an old adage from those days of trying it out for myself has come to mind: Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.

One of the most damaging concepts to humanity has been the idea that we are these lowly beings born sinners who need to be saved from themselves. When I believed that, I lost all trust in myself and I kept looking outside of myself for answers. And every time I tried to make those outside ideas my own, they might resonate with me for a bit, but eventually they'd run their course, they'd let me down (as well they should), and I'd basically say, "F-it!" and I'd return back to me and the core truths within that never seemed to waver.

I've gotten to the point where I know I could be totally wrong in my entire perspective when at the end, but it doesn't matter because I can live with having this unconditional love and gratitude for all parts played. I like who I am and who we all are in it.

Be aware of being triggered emotionally--some ill-intentioned beings are trying to use fear to get you fighting with your friends and family.

Were any of you in a class where the shenanigans of one student had the teacher punishing the entire classroom? This is the same type of core energy I see being promoted on Facebook and mainstream media. People are relying on "fact finders" being sponsored by who knows where, and not feeling into their own hearts to discern if it even resonates with who they are and the kind of world they choose to live in. 

How many postings have I seen on Facebook where people are demanding those of us reading the posts that we wear a mask, to be kind (as though we're anything but) and blah, blah, blah, like we're all these dumb little people who need talking down to? It frankly ticks me off. If someone expects the worst of me, I'm more than likely to honor them with "that worst" just to yank their chain.

I have the utmost compassion for all of you who have had this virus, and I thank you for your service and all those who've literally given their lives for this. This is why I will wear a mask and not go out if I am not feeling well, but, some people have it and have no symptoms at all so don't even know they have it. Logically speaking, it's out and there is no stopping it at this point...and...it's been used as a political manipulation to get people fighting. 

This virus originated from China--and it's being used by scared individuals playing in the power game illusion to divide the humanity of all nations of this planet. To create a civil war amongst humanity. We are better off honoring one another's freedom and sovereignty, and looking to connect with one another from our highest level--and to do that, isn't it best to look for the best in everyone instead of fearing the worst and trying to control their behavior?

If I am going into someone's business or home where they're wanting the security of a mask, and if I desire interaction with someone that much, I will honor them and wear a mask. I will not force my beliefs on anyone else. But nobody tells me how to be or what do with any condescension whatsoever. I know for myself, and each of you knows best what works for you, and you alone, in the moment at hand.

I expect the best of people when I interact with them, and if they or I am having a bad day, I'm going to give myself the time and space away from them in order to move it all through and out. I am not going to tell them how to be...and I'm not going to vomit it all over social media.

I recently shared a post on Facebook thanking President Donald Trump for his service--and Facebook removed it. I don't share other's posts lightly. I felt a sincere gratitude for the role he has played in being a catalyst for change in an old two-party political belief system that was an obsolete albatross of corruption that had completely lost sight of freedom for all. The standard upon which this country was founded. When the royals, magnates, and religions of Europe refused to acknowledge and proclaim the freedom of all humans--they were too entrenched in their own power to give it up--it was brought here to America to establish a nation of the new consciousness of freedom and self-sovereignty. As an American I hold that as a huge honor.

Trump is a businessman, not a politician of coded legal words. The old consciousness didn't know what to do with him because he didn't play the game according to their long-established rules. He was like a wrench thrown helter-skelter into an already raggedly, cloppity-thump running machine that helped reveal that which had been hidden for decades and decades. I don't always agree with him, but the few times I have listened to him speak, I have felt and resonated with the man who truly loves this nation and all people.

I've learned through my own experiences that there are times to lend a hand to someone in need, and there are times to not do so. I pity no one--that is the worst thing I feel I could do to a fellow equal. I will always have compassion, and I will always remind whomever I am with that they are the creators of their own life, their own situations; and only they can un-create the things they decide they no longer want to experience. I can't do any of that for anyone--and I don't need to--because you're all free and sovereign creators. You maybe just don't remember it, because we haven't been taught that, have we?

The Word "Fight"

"I love people. And I look for a way of connecting with them no matter what level they are at. It doesn't matter."

Those are the wise words of a dear neighbor that I visited with recently. They resonated deeply with me. I imagine a world where we all seek to make a heartfelt connection with each other, rather than looking at someone (who just happens to be reflecting back an aspect of oneself) and trying to change them into something we want rather than looking deeply to see who they truly are. To see the gift they are to us being just as they are in that moment.

"Don't believe everything you hear on the TV news or read in the paper. They are owned by people with an agenda, and it's not necessarily for the welfare of anyone but themselves."

My dad told me this decades ago, and he predicted the riots we're seeing today. I was educated to read the daily news through a current events class we had in the eighth grade. The news was taught as supposedly being unbiased reporting--but there is no such thing. Not when every human discerns what is truth according to a unique perception based on one's own experiences and feelings about them.

The Internet has made it impossible to keep humans in the dark. Though, in many cases mainstream media, I see, is doing its darnedest with censoring to keep us riled up and acting out of fear and hatred. It sickens me, while at the same time I realize that anyone doing anything intentionally harmful is actually really harming themselves. 

Karma for the unawakened now hits faster and harder than ever before. I don't wish that kind of karmic balancing on anyone. I'd rather they realized who they truly are and decide to let go of playing with power. Karma disappears when you realize you're no longer interested in power and control, but rather freedom for all. But it's each person's free choice, and I thank them for all the parts they play for me. I just get clearer with who I am and what I am about through it all.

I see it happening on Facebook and Youtube and all the mainstream news media (local and national)--the censorship and twisted reporting that takes words spoken so out of context they don't even resemble what the person actually said. I clearly see attempts to sway humans into actions based in fear and the word fight, used in conjunction with pretty words like justice.

I have watched self-proclaimed environmentalists literally trash the land of my beloved North Dakota--with mountains of discarded waste--that they were supposedly protecting from a pipeline. 

And these recent riots? This is our homeland, and it's being turned into wasteland by its own people destroying the property and homes of their neighbors--human and animal--incited by power-players with an agenda. 

Step back and take a breather, feel into you.

Shut off the news, stay away from mobs full of angry, insane people. Those causes they are supposedly fighting for--well, they are just trying to get your adrenaline pumping so you do their dirty work for them. If someone's pointing a finger of blame, walk away from them. Put all color, gender, orientation, ethnicity, age aside--those are judgments. If someone is saying only one color or gender matters in their slogan, maybe you'll want to feel into that, because ALL life matters, doesn't it?

Go be alone with yourself so you can get clear about who you really are, so that when you interact with your earthly neighbors, you're coming from your highest self, and not the old lower consciousness of survival of the fittest. You'll feel better about yourself.

It's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we all return.

I am a lover, and I've had my fill of fighting nonsense. If I hear someone using fear to try to motivate me, I walk away. That's a false prophet. If I hear someone spewing hatred, I walk away. Their hatred has consumed them and they are momentarily insane. And watch for those trying to make you feel guilty and ashamed...

Be aware of what you're radiating as your truth:

The protective energetic bubble people have been taught in many modalities is now obsolete, and actually works adversely to the desired effect. You've placed a protective barrier in your own energy field that serves you specifically. And your responsive energies then manifest something you need to protect yourself from. Practice opening up your personal energy field--the more open you are, the less something can stick to your created reality, and it just flows on through and by without manifesting.

For years, I've felt myself cringe inside whenever I heard myself or someone else use the word "fight."

Close your eyes and feel into what it means to fight--with something (a disease like cancer, for example), for something (your freedom), or over something (like fighting over thoughts and deeds you think are WRONG)...

Do you feel your muscles brace? Does your heart beat faster, harder? Does your stomach drop, clamp, feel a bit nauseated? Do your fists clench? Or your jaw? How about your throat--a little tight? How about your head--does it pound? Does the mind chatter race? Do you feel your cheeks flush?

That's how I perceive the word. And when I hear it from another person now, I opt to walk away from the game they've chosen to play--the game of survival. I've played it enough.

 

Those FEELINGS that I pointed out above--that's the potently charged energy that I radiate out into my universe when I believe I'm in a FIGHT. I'm braced, the PROTECTIVE ARMOR is on, and my WEAPONS (words and deeds) are at the ready. And that unconditionally loving universe matches my radiations, vibration for vibration. And so it is!...I have something or someone come into my life experience to play "FIGHT" with.

How did I go beyond fighting?

1. I reminded myself to take a few conscious, down-into-my-lower ribcage breaths (that slows the heart and lowers the blood pressure, and the focus on the breath pulls the mind from its chatter). 

2. I reminded myself to TRUST MYSELF...and BREATHED some more...

3. I gave myself a SAFE, SACRED SPACE to FEEL into myself (sometimes it was a room, sometimes a walk with just me)...and BREATHED some more...

4. I reminded myself that ALL is WELL in ALL of CREATION (that this reality is just ILLUSION, a playground)--and told my mind to HUSH its reasonings and analysis--that we didn't have to try to "figure things out."...and I BREATHED some more...

5. I gave myself permission to write this blog--essentially ALLOWED myself to express myself HONESTLY to me, first of all, and later out loud to my world...And I BREATHED some more.

Yes, one could say I am a deep breather. Ha!

And then one day, I realized that I'm at ease inside of me--no more bracing, no more clenching, no more impending fights...I'm just naturally breathing here with a silly grin of appreciation on my face as I watch all us actors play out our parts together--as we ALL escort our planet and humanity through a change into a new level of conscious awareness. Truly, thank you for ALL parts played...because it's happening. 

Even though there are still some days like these when I feel a bit less tolerant of the fighting.

Much love, my dear humanity, my dear earth and all its gifts of life--we are so much more than all this fighting.

It's Out of Love We All Come...and...It's Unto Love We All Return

 

Apologize not for your own or for another's existence;

for it's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we All return.

I recently had a very dear friend from my childhood cross over. As an adult he'd played the role of compassionate friend, giving me a smile, a reassuring hug, a kind word in some of my darkest and hardest moments--those moments when it was hard to breathe, when life got really tough. He'd been through two heart surgeries, one of them several hours long, and after that he suffered from a depression so deep,..well...so deep that his second attempt at suicide was successful.

Ever since I realized that I was a dreamwalker when my dad crossed over, I find myself suddenly napping a couple hours during the day when someone who's touched my life dies. I'm so out of my body I can't move my limbs. It's something I learned was natural and that humans have been doing since ancient times. We walk alongside our loved ones--quietly, as a loving and clear, agenda-free presence--and escort them to the bridge of flowers that crosses to the other side of the veil.

But the dreamwalking didn't happen this time. Maybe I didn't allow it because it was a suicide, and I've been told to not try to attempt it with suicides. Being highly sensitive empathetically, it's a gamble when being with someone who FEELS so lost, so alone, so...desperate. It's too easy to feelingly get sucked into their vortex of pain, and find yourself crossed over, as well.

Maybe he didn't need an escort either. Maybe he wasn't lost at all and was okay and clearly enscounced within the love and celebration of those awaiting him on the other side. We could have even dreamwalked during his surgery...and I didn't necessarily have to have been his only dreamwalker. Dreamwalking is a natural human ability and it's more common than most humans realize. We just didn't have a word for it in our current culture until recently. 

I've heard he wasn't really even himself afterwards, something that is common with those having been under anesthesia so long. That seems to tell me that, like my brother, Steve, he was having difficulty staying embodied in human form. 

I've been at a loss then. What do I do? How do I help comfort those left behind? Myself included?

And what can I do from this side of the veil to support my dear friend? Maybe he doesn't need my help. Maybe he was in such a place of trust deep within that he wasn't afraid--that the depression he'd felt was a longing for the relief he'd experienced while under anesthesia. Maybe he'd had an out-of-body experience at some point during all those surgeries, and he'd experienced the release from the burdens of being human. This human journey is not for the faint of heart. I've heard it is much easier to let go and die than it is to be born into the confining limitations of the human body.

In the nineties I read the book, Embraced by the Light, by Betty Eadie, who told the story of her own near-death-experience. After checking on her loved ones and reviewing her life, she was told that she wasn't finished yet with that lifetime, that she had some things she needed to do. She had the final say, but her story needed to be shared, and she had to return in order to do that. I'm one of those who needed her back. I needed to hear her story, and this is why:

She was shown a line of angels standing at the ready for their incarnation into a human body. Every one of those humans-to-be was revered for their courage and bravery. If you'd taken on the human experience, though we might play the role of coward here, there really is no such thing from the other side's point of view of us. It takes a whole lot of faith, perseverence, guts and determination, love and sacrifice to play the human role. It takes forgetting who you really are, and getting stuck and limited in a biological body, when deep inside and in one's dreams you just know you can fly and that you're free--but all of that seems so elusive, impossible from this side of the veil.

And...Betty's decision to return was not an easy one. To tell her story to a world that could be harsh and judgmental about such things was not for the faint-of-heart. She spoke of having those moments of longing to return home to the other side, too. Times when she felt so alone, having those difficulties that come with simply being human.

As for suicide--I get it. Life can feel overwhelming at times if you're the least bit sensitive. And frankly, we humans are all sensitive, though some may have buried it deep as their means of a way of coping in this tough old world. 

I even set out to kill myself at one point in my life. My mom had passed, my dad was having a difficult time with it, I felt like a loser in my own marriage. I really never seemed to fit in this world; and one day I just thought it would make everyone else's life better if I was no longer here. I don't even remember what the last straw was. I just set out walking my way out of the city one cold and gloomy winter day. My plan was to just keep walking until I froze to death out in the middle of a field. I'd just disappear, and everyone would be better off for it.

But as I got to the outskirts of a neighboring suburb, I had the realization that doing this to myself was going to hurt my loved ones far more than if I stayed. I put myself in their shoes and felt into how they would feel if I followed through on my plan...and I turned around and returned to a husband waiting for me at the door, worried out of his mind. I was so cold.

I haven't shared that story with very many people who know me personally. It wasn't one of my brightest moments, and there was a bit of shame lingering there. Now, I look back, and I have a good laugh at myself because I absolutely hated being cold! Most of my life, I'd had cold hands and feet--and when those digits are cold, well you're just plain cold and miserable.

Later on I would learn of other empathetic people similar to me having started to attempt suicides, as well. My beloved humanity--we have these thoughts and feelings more often than any of us lets on, and maybe by sharing our stories with one another--by opening up--that which is hidden can be brought into the Light of Love and Gratitude for all parts played.

As for my beloved friend and classmate, I don't have a sense of him wandering lost in the Near Earth Realms. I don't feel a sense of depression in my own energies in relationship to it. It feels like he's okay. I'm sad for all his loved ones here (myself included at times) because of the loss of him and all that they'd been through leading up to his death, but I have a sense that maybe he--his consciousness--mostly left his biological body during that last long surgery. He was meant to exit at that time, but maybe there was a little something he had yet to do here on Earth. Maybe it was to open the door to the Christ light on this very subject of suicide.

The Old Testament story, The Book of Job, has been at the forefront of my mind ever since my mom crossed over in 2001. It's struck me as amusing that Job's (pronounced with a long "o") life story seems to reflect what a "job" it is to be human. The job of the human done out of love and sacrifice for the wisdom gained for its soul. Job lost over and over again in every aspect of his human life. He lost his wealth, his entire family and loved ones, his friends, his health. 

In the end, though, everything he had lost was restored to him...and I FEEL the GRATITUDE and LOVE for everyone and everything he NOW had--it's huge, it's awesome--because, once upon a time he lost it all...

Love lets go. When we love, we seem to open ourselves up to an inevitable loss, and yet we continue to love and care and appreciate and feel...and maybe it's important for me to remember that when our world is in such a state of crazy divisiveness. 

I am here for all of this, to walk through this momentous change in our world, and I am here to stay for quite awhile yet...but because I weighed my options of whether to stay or go (I've done so many times before and since that one walk of suicide), I'm clear with myself about staying, even when some days feel pretty tough. It's painful sometimes to watch humans fighting with themselves and each other...and then I tell myself to step back, observe, love and appreciate the acting jobs of all these amazing souls playing at being Little Humans.

In our last hours together, Dad showed me when he plopped that paper towel on his head and it flopped on either side of his head like dog ears, that it's important to laugh to lighten things up when things feel at their darkest and hardest. To not take it all or myself so seriously...it's just a job, after all.

My dear departed friend, thank you for lightening up the lives of me and my loved ones by helping us to laugh and to smile and feel okay. Thank you for those little moments of kindness you probably forgot. It all made the job so much easier. I miss you...and...I'm going with the idea that losing you will just help me appreciate you all the more when I see you again.

Invite Your Pain to Tell You Its Story

Pain has a story as its source and center. Listen and let it be told.

I am all about consciousness--being aware of myself and how I am creating what I'm experiencing. I don't do New Age or any other kind of religious rituals. I've simply known that I've always had within me all the answers needed to navigate my life, and that I didn't need special crystals, symbols, tinctures, gurus, doctors, medications, meditations, prayers, etc. to do it. I just had to get quiet, be open, allow and listen and feel...and accept full compassionate responsibility for my entire life.

There is no blaming anyone or anything. There is a whole lot of understanding of what it's been like to be a blind-to-who-I-am, all-alone, scared Little Human just trying to survive and get some semblance of control in a tough, often cruel world. None of us humans are born sinners.

We all need a soft and sacred space to land, to balance, to regroup. And...we are the best ones to practice kindness with oneself. When kindness starts at home, it naturally spreads into our world.

The gift of the story of pain: 

What am I feeling ashamed of, guilty about, angry or self-pity over? 

Am I feeling worthless? 

Do I doubt myself?

I am coming from the standpoint here of "If it's in my life, I put it here. It's serving me on some level. I'm getting some sort of benefit from it...and...I am the only one who can un-create it."

Every pain I've ever had has had a story to tell me. Many of them are shared throughout this blog. Often they were stories I was afraid to even look at, for fear I wouldn't look very good in them. I may have done something I felt was horribly wrong that I couldn't possibly make amends for and save face in, ever recover from.

I had to be open to letting all those horrible memories and thoughts be let loose--to feel it all.

Forgiveness--ultimately gratitude--comes from the Soul's perspective, not the Little Human. 

The temporal Human facet will find it difficult to forgive from its limited perspective. We each need our eternal divinity--our expanded I am that I am self--to have the grander, broader perspective in order to see any experience our human has as a gift to its soul. 

How do I find it? It's always within me--it's been here all along--I just had to remember I could tap into it. The warm and tinglies, the sense of gratitude for everyone and everything lets me know I'm hearing my soul's voice. It won't have me harming anyone or anything.

Stories--not boring textbook facts and details--help me understand with compassionate wisdom all my experiences.

Leave the smart phones and computers for a bit. Go for walks in nature. Be with your pets, but not other humans. Take a bath, sit on the toilet, lie down and close your eyes, wash dishes by hand. Do whatever it takes to put yourself at ease and give yourself a safe space for a few minutes. 

Take a few deep breaths: Inhale through your nose and draw the breath in down to your diaphragm beneath your lower ribs to the count of 4. Hold each breath there for 4 counts. And then exhale to the count of 8 through your mouth.

Feel into your body. If you feel any sort of pain, take a deep breath, OPEN yourself up, and boldly follow the pain to its source and center. Take another breath and ALLOW yourself to experience the pain fully: Is it sharp and piercing? Is it dull and throbbing? Just dive in and feel it!

If you're willing to feel it through, the pain you experience will tell you its story of something you're hanging onto that is no longer needed in your life. You can let it go. Go ahead and sob and cry, and remember to hold and comfort yourself--be the best unconditionally loving friend you can be to yourself.

Remember that no matter how bizarre we may have acted at some point, we all are just doing the best we know how in any moment...

and sometimes we are overwhelmed-with-it-all Little Humans just trying to be, and be okay with ourselves.

We have a tendency to focus only on the negative aspects of the baggage we haul around, but when I've allowed the pain of those once shameful moments to tell its story, there was always so much more going on than that little slice. Allowing the story to be expressed is inviting my soul's perspective to come through.

There really is no right or wrong healing modality--it all depends on how YOU feel about it.

When I allow the pain I experience to tell me its story, sometimes I'm released from it instantly, sometimes not. I may have it for awhile, depending on how it's serving me in my life. Sometimes pain allows me a kind means of staying out of a situation.

I'm not completely adverse to using some sort of pain remedy for a temporary time, especially if it's so intense I feel crazed and can't seem to even take a proper breath to begin to center myself. I've learned that if something like a bit of advice or a type of homeopathic, alternative, or modern medicine or therapy is readily at hand--to consider it, feel into it, and use it if it resonates with me to do so. 

As for mood-altering substances, prescription or otherwise, I've just never cared to even mess with most of them. Though, I do enjoy a glass of wine or alcohol once in a while, but getting a buzz hasn't been my goal. People who have used such substances to control their emotions appear flat-lined emotionally, slurry-worded, zombie-like to me. I feel an energy drop when I am around them. They are not present. It feels like they are wasting their gift of life, trying to escape from themselves. I don't even care to interact with them anymore. Not at this stage of my life. We all have too much going for us--it's just a matter of perspective about your stories.

Related Posts:

When In Pain, Just Breathe This is the story about how I discovered this gem of a tool to use and release the pain from my energy body.

FEELING Pain Through and Out

Our Distorted Reality Due to the Sexual Energy Virus

Both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine exist in every individual, regardless of gender.

We all have two hemispheres of the brain. The left brain is logical and present and makes choices. It sees itself as a separate entity--as a human being. The right brain is intuitive and is connected to our "I exist" pure consciousness self. It knows itself to be Divinity.

The sexual energy virus affects both men and women--it's a LIMITATION of AWARENESS, and NO ONE IS TO BLAME.

How can you hold accountable someone who isn't aware of why they act and feel the way they do? They just act, sometimes even knowing that it's hurtful and not the solution. They're feeling stuck in an identity, a role they haven't realized they can leave simply by choice. They believe they are just a Little Human trying to survive in a tough world of competition.

The following is simply a fictional story to help understand the core conscious awareness that created our limited reality world:

The Feminine became the Best Friend Supporting Actress, instead of the Leading Lady.

The Divine Feminine blamed herself for a creation that went awry. There were all-out wars--external grabs for power--among her lost and alone-feeling angelic children as they tried to return home to the Eternal Source from whence they came. Their energy feeding and stealing almost brought Creation to a standstill--to a collapsing in upon itself. So she gave up her freedom to choose for herself and gave it to the Divine Masculine.

With that choice it manifested here on Earth as women having a 2nd class status. Woman became the weaker perceived sex--and she became passive and subjective to men. She let men make the decisions.

She feels and empathizes and nutures and supports. She's connected to the right side, the intuitive side, of the brain. She knows the importance of love. She's compassionate and loving--all-accepting--no matter what, especially with her family.

The Masculine kept looking outside of himself for love and acceptance.

The Divine Masculine then carried the weight of responsibility of making choices, not just for himself, but also for his Feminine partner. He's unaware of the importance of loving oneself first, instead of trying to gain the approval and respect of others.

He's in control--the Divine Feminine gave that to him when she made him the decision-maker for herself. This manifests as men being the ones to generally just take action, Men are movers and the shakers in this world--aggressive.

He feels strongly the burden of providing not just for himself, but for the women and children in his care. He sees them as his possessions. He feels they are reflections of himself--of his success or his failure.

He's connected to the logical, reasoning left hemisphere of the the brain and doesn't relate to that feeling stuff. He's dependent on his female partner to handle his feelings and emotions. He's not aware that he, too, has a feminine side of the brain to tap into--that he, too, can tap into feeling into what it's like to be in another's shoes.

He's passion unleashed without realizing right away what he's radiating because the woman is taking the hits for him--and when we keep picking up a child before he can fall, he never experiences the outcomes of his choices. They're watered down and distorted by the time they get back to him.

This is not how it's meant to be, for it's an imbalance in two equally important, yet different facets of Creation--Passion and Compassion.

The Dance of Passion and Compassion.

Passion is what consciousness radiates out, and compassion is the energies manifesting in service to that radiated passion. We each need to know what we're radiating and manifesting from that so that we can make clear choices for our created reality. We need to step out of each other's way and allow each other to experience his/her creations unadulterated.

Essentially, what's happening now is we're allowing the once "supportive woman behind every successful man" to step forward to into full and equal, though different, partnership. It's a win-win situation for all.

The abuse will become obsolete when each Victim stands free within herself enough to address her Abuser so, "Thank you for playing the part of abuser/betrayer because I discovered things in and about me I wasn't aware of before our Just Pretend Game. Now I've had enough of that old game. I'm setting clear Boundaries of Love--I'm done allowing you to abuse me. No more! Stop the abuse, or you're free to leave me--those are your choices." 

Moment by moment, the abuse will gradually, freely die out when each victim chooses to stop playing victim and instead play the role of sovereign master and creator of his/her own life.

I realized that the ultimate victimhood story ended for me when I put my foot down and decided that choices made by others need not affect me. I was done playing victim because of another's decision...after all, this is my personal world, my sovereignty, my domain.

...and so it is with you. You're free if you open up and allow it. 

Be the star of your own reality!

Passion and his beloved Compassion

glide a path together--

sometimes breaking apart,

sometimes framing the other, heart-to-heart--

waxing and waning

'round the floor of the Flagstone Terrace.

They dance through the annals of the ages,

the picture book that is my mind,

to the wildly whirling-twirling,

strangely peaceful dervish

that is my heart,

in rhythm to the song

that is my soul.

With love,

Words and Music by Penny Lewton Binek

The Passionate Narcissist and Its Compassionate Victim

On some level, we all seem to know that this is all just an act--a game of "Let's Pretend."

How many times have I asked someone about themselves, and I stand there listening to them blather on about this and that about themselves while my own inner conversation with them sounds like this: 

Ahem! What about me? Do you even care about what I'm thinking and feeling, or am I just a giant ear with lips that speak all the right responses that appear to make you the center of my attention? Actually, I can tell you don't care one whit about me except for whatever attention you can get from me...I know this because I'm doing the same thing with you. 

And I blab on and on with the best of them about my own life, and my cats' latest antics.

You and I do care about each other, but when I look at it honestly, I see my caring is to the extent of how whatever happens with you affects me. I hurt seeing someone else in pain, and I feel loss when they cross over. Road kill still makes me wince. I truly don't wish anyone harm--I am benevolent after all--so dark deeds and energy-feeding are not even an issue here. I wish you all the best and most joyful of lives. My point is about how politically correct it is to appear to care, when basically what's really happening is I'm wondering if I'm acting the role of "caring person" convincingly enough.

I know all this sounds cold and hard-hearted. My old parent-teacher-preacher tapes are recycling through my mind yelling at me that that's no way to be. You're being selfish and self-centered, Penny. But I didn't get to where I am--finally pretty okay with myself--without being honest with myself. Tip-toeing around, trying for some warped idea of perfection doesn't cut it. I've learned to temper it all with compassion. I always get to compassionate wisdom in the end of these runs. 

Lately I've been feeling irritated by what I realized was a narcissistic, self-involved-exclusion-to-all-else behavior in the people and world around me. I was ticked off--and that's putting it nicely. I was even experiencing it with my beloved cats--my absolute best friends.

And then I had a shift in perspective. Instead of playing Victim to the other party in these seemingly it's all about me and you don't matter, one-sided interactions, I asked myself, "What gift are you bearing me by being exactly the icky way you are? What aspect of myself are you reflecting back to me that I'm having such a struggle with?"

I hit the clarity jackpot with those questions. Of course, I was internally struggling with the narcissistic aspect of myself! Turns out, my soul is quite a bit of a narcissist, according to the human definition.

My soul--my pinpoint of awareness that I exist--is ETERNAL, and because of that, my divine self knows that no matter what I experience, I will always exist. My soul has no knowledge of consequences or cost. It loses nothing and constantly gains in wisdom and compassion through all its human experiences. It's simply passionately discovering all that I am, and in this Earthly reality, it's using a highly sensitive and feeling temporary human costume to do so. My human form is pretty much a robot--a means to an end--and when it's worn out, it's easily replaceable. My soul delights in me--its humanity--and celebrates me and all our excursions--but I finally now understand that it doesn't mourn me because it never loses me, not really.

"God doesn't love you."

So, my soul is basically a big ol' narcissist. It doesn't care about me or what happens to me. It didn't even love me in the beginning of all this, because it didn't know what love was or that it even existed until it was discovered through its human vehicle. Humans discovered love--this ability to care for and about others--to feel loss. The unconditional love a mother has for her child comes to mind. That old adage seems more profound now: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 

Humanity is the compassionate and loving dance partner of its passionate soul. We humans are the experiencers for our souls. We lay down our lives for the soul. Because of the extent to which we had to lower our vibration to take on a biological body, our human facets lost sight of our higher vibrational selves for awhile. We were like the bridegroom in the Song of Solomon, searching all over outside of ourselves for our elusive bride, that missing something, only to realize she was within and always with us through all our trials and joys.

"God loves you."

I remember at the tender age of nine overhearing my grandpa tell my beloved dad that he didn't care about him. Granted, that was all I heard so it probably was perceived on my part totally out of context--but it impacted me hard at the time because it colored how I saw my grandfather. Not in a good way either, because no one was going to say that about my dad and not feel the repercussions! I'm telling this particular anecdote because I realize that my limited awareness at the time equated "God" with being a man--a father figure--and it just went against everything I understood about God and his son and their supposedly loving relationship. Wasn't God supposed to love you unconditionally and care about what happened with you?

I know someone telling you, "God loves you," is supposed to make you feel better, but I've heard it in the midst of heated arguments being thrown out as a desperate means to get the last word in--and in such a way that says, "I don't love you, but there is someone or something else out there that does." It's a bit of a slam, if you ask me.

Frankly, I guess I don't need "God's love." 

The Passionate Narcissistic Soul vs. the Compassionate Empathetic and Loving Human Victim

Everyone and everything around me has been reflecting back this narcissist soul vs. its human victim conflict within me. I have felt this inner revulsion at the word narcissist for as long as I've known the meaning--but not because of it being a reality. I never liked hearing anyone being labelled a narcissist--it's a crappy thing to do to anyone. To me, it was slamming someone in one hell of a jail cell with no hope of growth beyond.

From  the standpoint of: If it's in my life, then I put it there, and I'm the only one that can un-create it--I need to be aware it's there and understand what benefit I'm getting from it being in my life.

Every time I incarnate into a human form, I'm sacrificing my human self to my soul's passionate desires. Most of the lifetimes, I've been unaware of this. I've experienced awful, painful, gritty and sensually traumatic acts--and committed some of those same acts against others. All for the joy of my soul's passionate quest to know thyself. Is it any wonder then that after so long and so many lifetimes of trying to simply survive in such a cruel environment that I might, as a human victim of it all, fall out of trust with myself--with my own soul?

So, all these years of deep and profound introspection, all these words written, have been about learning from the human standpoint, to truly love my own soul--to care about my own narcissistic self.

I am a Body of Consciousness: A Soul, a Human and Master (the Observer who distills all the wisdom from all the experiences). Instead of keeping them separate, I need to perceive it all as one. That way, I have it all...

I've come to the conclusion that I really don't need my soul to love me. It delights in me and accepts me without judgment. I'm celebrated at every turn, and I do know that my soul experiences gratitude for all its human has experienced for it. To the soul, there really is no such thing as forgiveness. Forgiveness is but a human stepping stone to the soul's eternal gratitude--a profound gratefulness for all parts played, whether right or seeming all wrong. Maybe, just maybe, we're now on the same page. 

As for this human facet? It's been put through the ringer lifetime after lifetime as the Experiencer for my soul. She's felt so separate--so alone. It feels like it's time to quit trying to monitor and control her. She's no sinner. She's a gift, and it's time I love my human self from that respect. She came in with a limited awareness of who and what she is. She's died and been reborn many times over. She's played the good parts and the bad. She's been terrified and was just trying to survive and handle things the best she knew how. She's explored the heights and the depths of this thing called Love. Just like Job in The Old Testament, she's experienced loss of everyone and everything, over and over and over again.

Through it all, she blessed my soul with these amazing, sensual experiences of love and empathy, along with wisdom and compassion. And it's time for my soul and wisdom (Master) to step up and not let her feel so alone and like such a loser. It's time for me, the human capable of it, to love all of human me...truly.

Who'd a thunk it? I am a narcissist...and I'm okay with that...I'm actually chuckling at a the very idea of it...because, hey, I'm a compassionately loving human, too, discovering what it's like to fall in love...with me...

and ALL that I am!

How old are you?

Life in Cocoonville

Adamus Saint-Germain is the first one I heard use the term "Cocoonville," and it made me smile, so I am borrowing it.

It feels like I've been in Cocoonville for an awful long time. The caterpillar doesn't get any prettier or healthier looking as she heads into town. She dies off, cell by old cell, and turns into a mush that only resembles a squashed caterpillar.

One of my greatest conundrums, therefore, my greatest struggle has been maintaining my own truth that we don't have to age and get old among a mass consciousness of humans terrified of growing old in health and looks, yet fiercely hanging onto "this is what happens to your body and mind when you reach this age, and that age--everything sags, bags, wrinkles, fades and falls apart...and then you die."

And they want to preserve all that decay in a coffin after they've died. Some of those coffins buried in the ground are more expensive than their wardrobe when they lived. What's the point?

I've observed us humans acting out and manifesting in our bodies what we believe and perceive as appropriate to the number of years we've been here, but I don't really connect with that idea. My mom didn't either. I remember her laughingly commenting that all the younger people in her life were catching up to her.

When someone asks me the question, "How old are you?" I've usually just given them the short version they are expecting...and...inside I've got a whole other version that is more accurately my truth of the moment:

"I've had 56 years worth of experiences as Penny.

My experiences do NOT define me or make me who and how I am:

They are simply experiences I've had in human form for the wisdom, benefit, joy and love of my Soul.

I am that I am. I exist."

And that's all, folks!

YOU are so much more than you realize!

You--yes, you reading this--are so much more than that Little Human character you're playing. You're not just an ordinary person, no matter whether you're a manual laborer of some sort or royalty or a celebrity or...even homeless or institutionalized. You are grandly extraordinary. You've just fallen asleep so deeply into the human story and its multitudes of hypnotic overlays and systems that you've forgotten who you really are.

Yes, you play a limited human being...and...you are SO much more! You are unlimited divinity. You are a chip off the old block, the first Source. And from that parent you inherited all its qualities and creative abilities. You (not someone or something outside of you) are the creator of everything you experience. You passionately create a circumstance, and then you dive in and experience it, joyfully gaining compassionate wisdom from everything--without judgment.

You have spiritual gifts--special awarenesses unique to you--that you may be using everyday and not realize you're doing it. You've probably been doing it all your life. It comes so naturally to you that you just assume everyone perceives things like you do. But your perceptions, like you, are the only of their kind.

When you sleep at night or take an afternoon nap, those dreams you are having is you traveling beyond time and space. Sometimes you leave your body to rest and rejuvenate while your energetic light body goes exploring and creating new realms. If you feel a sense of paralysis--can't move your limbs while asleep and can't wake up--it means you're having an out-of-body experience. You can choose at any moment to leave those dream dimensions and return here to this reality simply by choosing it--"I choose to return to (Your name here)." And so you are.

Every now and then someone comes into my life, and we share with each other our experiences of We Are More Than This Limited Little Human. It makes for such a fun interaction because I never know what to expect, and I come away from our visits so passionate and excited about being here in this world and manifesting the types of relationships and stories I desire to do so right now, in this gift of a lifetime that is mine.

The answers lie within you 
I found them here in me
How much more must we endure
Before we're ALL free?

IMI (In My Imagination)

IMI (In My Imagination)
Words and music by Penny Lewton Binek

Raised in a fairy tale of This is how life is:
Here is what you do, who you are, and how you be.
I followed its steps, its rules, the best that I knew how.
Safe, I thought I was, but I was bored beyond recall.
Parent-teacher-preacher tapes--they reel 'round in my mind.
Well-intentioned they may be, I just feel confined.
In desperation, I yank a single thread.
My world's unraveling, I'm falling from my bed!
I'm falling from my bed!

Chorus:
I'm divine
In my imagination
I breathe just fine
No more expectations
I'm alright
No needless condemnations
I-M-I
In my imagination
No more manipulation

A loopy hamster on its cagey wheel,
I race! I rage! I rant! All to no avail.
All my goals, my well-laid plans, they lead to Nowhere Street.
My mirrors, they say I'm wrong, they say I'm incomplete.
I color outside one line, turns out it was a wall.
My glass house--it shatters--and I began to fall.
Afraid of landing in a twisted, scrambled heap,
I beg some god out there, “Please! My soul to keep!”
"Please, my soul to keep!"

Chorus:
I am wise
In my imagination
I delight
In my soul's appreciation
For dark and light
In all its incarnations
I-M-I
In my imagination.
No need for reparation

Hypnotic slumber--a quake shakes me awake.
In this hopeless life of mine, I can't seem to catch a break.
Chasing a ticky-tock clock, a wonderland mad hatter,
My mind, in endless chatter, asks me, “Who am I, and do I matter?”
These clay feet—they crumble—so I stumble and I fall.
I tumble down and down through a dark and spinning maw.
"Trust yourself,” I cry! “Take a deep breath and let it slide.”
I close my eyes! I open wide!--Turns out that I can glide!
Turns out that I can fly hi-igh!

Chorus:
I can fly
In my imagination
I realize
This sensual fascination
So I dive inside
Exploring my creations
I-M-I
In my imagination
I feel no limitation

When I close my eyes
In my imagination
Deep inside
I feel this liberation
Far and wide
I have this revelation--
I am I--
In my imagination,
Through all my tribulation--
I'm alright!

Refrain:
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nan, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I-M-I
I'm alright!

Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nan, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I-M-I
I'm alright!

In my imagination
Through all my tribulation.
In my imagination
When I close my eyes
I'm al-right!

In my imagination
I have this revelation.
In my imagination
When I close my eyes
I'm al-right!

Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
In my imagination
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I am I--
I'm al-right!