You, me, us, sharing our stories and insights from living the experiences--that's why I participate in FaceBook. It's a grand way to connect.
Those that went to high school with me remember me as the (shuddering here) "nice girl with the good grades and the really thick, ugly glasses." It was the seventies and eighties--need I say anymore about the fashion statement that I was? I didn't get the good grades because I had a huge intellect, or because I was a brown-noser. I had decent memorizing abilities, and I caught onto concepts fairly quickly and easily, and--well-trained gopher that I was for certain family members--I was also great at fulfilling the requirements asked of me.
But I'm pretty sure my teachers liked me mainly because I was a respectful and considerate listener. A couple of weeks ago, I was out with my husband celebrating his birthday by going out dancing to one of our favorite bands who were in town--and at the end of the night, one of the performers thanked me for staying to the end.
My favorite memories growing up on the farm are of sitting around the big kitchen table with family friends, relatives, and people just passing through; or in my brothers' room with their friends, listening to the stories everyone had to share. There was so much laughter, and I remember dreading having to go to bed before everyone else in case I missed out on something. I had parents, brothers and sisters who were great story tellers. They'd share some of their most embarrassing moments, and easily laugh at themselves. I loved trips home to re-unite with my family for those reasons--it reminded me to not take myself so seriously, and to take another look at the stuff about myself, see the humor in me.
How does all of this relate to FaceBook? When personal computers first came out, they opened up a whole new world for me. Using a word processor, I could actually type (the typewriters were my nemesis) my thoughts out quickly as they hit and then finesse them up easily later--I started writing. And then e-mail came along and I could easily share those thoughts with another without having to re-write it, stamp it, and then mail it, and then wait a few days for a reply. I was an e-mail junkie--until I started getting inundated with jokes and forwards that people used instead of their own words and stories. I lost the personal connection--and I missed it.
Then a few years ago, along came FaceBook, and the opportunity for me to re-connect with friends and acquaintances that I never expected to meet again--and many of them, on a level I never dreamed I'd be able to achieve with just a few.
It's been fun at times, and I've used it as a tool to come out of hiding and express what I'm really thinking.
It's also been frustrating because it's going the way of e-mail--quotes, sentiments, jokes, political gossip, etc. being forwarded without my "friends" connecting personally with me. Quotes that inspire and uplift, the occasional joke that makes me chuckle--they're all great, but honestly, if a person doesn't share with me how that relates to a story in their life--I'm going to forget it in the blur of forwarded messages. It turns into spam in my consciousness.
Politics, religion, relationship spats--that's all just gossip to me. And gossip is energy-stealing and feeding at its worst. There's not a damn thing I can do about what others say and do, and I don't feel the need to be anyone else's watchdog. In this day and age, anyone out to steal the power from another is going to get slapped right back with what he/she puts out without me having to take a second look at any of them. And people can't steal from me or affect me in any manner unless I'm first handing myself over on a platter saying, "Poor, pitiful me--here I am--Eat ME!" With me, it's all about how to empower myself in my life and thus being able to empower another in theirs.
FaceBook posts for special causes are also irritating in that most of them end in the guilt trip, "Only 99% of people reading this will dare to re-post this as their status..." Because of this line, I WON'T re-post it, and sometimes there's something in the missive that I actually like.
Anyone else remember the old chain letter? FaceBook has it's own version and it uses superstition and fear to get people to re-post nonsense in order to get blessings. Frankly, my beloved friends, I always wish for you the blessing of living your most wildly abundant lives--no strings, no conditions attached.
In short, I just wanted you all to know--it's YOU that I want hear. You ARE the blessings in my life. I AM thankful for FaceBook providing me with the opportunity to participate in sharing ourselves with each other. I hope you'll share yourself with me--I LOVE your stories and personal insights and comedies.
We're all quite the characters--actors, that is--role-playing together. These are stories of my awakening, my remembering realization that Home/Heaven is wherever I am. That I am not the puppet on someone else's string. The search is over. I simply FREELY CHOSE to quit searching outside of myself, and realized all my answers have always been within.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Bring That Which Is Hidden Into The Light: Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction
"Penny--Bring that which is hidden into the Light."
At the time I allowed my most hidden, sordid-seeming childhood secret to come fully into my conscious awareness, I knew it was for the healing of myself, but I wanted to move through it quickly in order to put it behind me, and never have to address the subject ever again. But, no-ooo, that warm and tingling, gently hugging, knowingness conversation that I was having with the Eternal One within me was just getting me started....evidently......
I was in my thirties (I'm now 48) when I became friends with a woman who shared with me that she had been a victim of child molestation. She'd been institutionalized for anorexia and bulimia as a teenager and young adult. Though she professed to be Christian, she did phone sex in order to earn her living. When I first knew of her, she was highly obese and walking around in a Prozac haze. After experiencing her as the animated and fun-loving friend I came to interact with later on, you'll understand why I'm so adamantly against the use of drugs for emotional or mental therapy. She mirrored back to me beautifully what I could expect my own life to be like if I didn't take personal responsibility for my own well-being and happiness. Bless her heart for playing that part for me.
After she shared her little personal bomb with me it irritatingly started my own experience to rise to the surface of my thoughts, though I didn't reciprocate in the sharing of stories. I had planned to take that particular nugget of shame to my grave. I was out shoveling snow from around our car in the parking lot when the whole she-bang came bawling out of me late one night.
Several years earlier, the memories had been forced to the surface when the person who'd played the part of sexual molester (I really hate labels, so I'm using this for clarity purposes only) for me, sought me out in order to apologize for their part in our past--to take full responsibility. I held no grudge against the person, even prior to the apology. Part of me was angry at the time, because I had convinced myself it was all just a dream and never really happened--when suddenly I was forced momentarily to acknowledge that it had. I unhesitatingly told the person I'd just believed it was a dream, that they were forgiven, not to worry about having hurt me. Then I quickly crammed that whole story so far back in my psyche that I almost, once again, convinced myself it hadn't happened.
This person had gone out on a very precarious limb by coming forth to apologize--they literally put their life in my hands. As the "victim" of the scenario, I had the power--the mass consciousness of humanity, who pities the "poor" victims, gave it to me--and I was aware that how I handled this story was probably the biggest responsibility of my life.
Now back to shoveling snow. As I mulled over what my friend had shared about her experience--and she played the victim role to the hilt--I had insight into the person who "victimized" me. With every scoop of snow I threw, I literally FELT my "molester's" remorse, the longing to have the chance to change our history (a seeming impossibility) in order to make a different choice to not have done what was done. The prison and hell that that person was in, of their own making, was far worse than any punishment any human, god, or institution of torture could design for a "criminal." I sobbed with their pain and sense of powerlessness and unworthiness. And I sobbed with my own of the exact same stuff.......
I knew I had to find that person, and let them know, without a doubt, that I forgave them our trespassing. During our conversation, it seemed important that I encouraged the person to understand that I believed there was a good purpose behind our experience together--I knew this deep down. There is a time and a season for everything under the sun--Ecclesiastes. I also knew that in order to perceive--or to experience life as we know it--we needed both contrasts of darkness and light (duality)--they were both the gift of The Eternal One, that comforting spark of Home that I carried within me, no matter where I was or what the circumstances.
I neither condone nor condemn sexual abusers. I'm sharing all of this because it's time to put some real light on the subject of this sexual energy virus that's running rampant through our mass consciousness. Filling jail cells, posting sex offender notices, pointing fingers, keeping secrets--none of these things have stopped the abuses, have you noticed? I am unwilling to settle for anything less than pure resolution of this matter.
In order to keep my postings short, I'm taking a break here. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I've had many experiences and insights in the days, months and years since the memories surfaced. I've done a great deal of walking as my form of meditation, and while on one such walk, I was told by the knowingness within that I had to share my secret with my husband--thus, the subject of my next post.
Part 2:
"God/Father--he (meaning my husband) is going to ask 'Who?' ....and I don't want to bring harm to anyone. I don't want to blame anyone. Do I have to reveal the identity?"
My answer to the question was "No. You never have to reveal the identity. That's not what this is about. This is about YOUR SECRET, Penny, and the hold it has over you. A secret brought out in the open loses its power to control you. Once again, bring that which is hidden out into the Light."
And so I told my husband. He asked, "Who?"--and I told him I was never going to share that part with anyone. It was really rather undramatic--he didn't reject me for my past, which was my second worst outcome fear. My world didn't come crashing down around me, and I felt a great deal lighter in burdens shouldered.
The next day I woke up with what turned out to be some compressed and bulged discs in my neck and shoulders. The chiropractor asked me if I'd suffered some sort of emotional trauma, and I answered with what I thought at the time was a truthful "No." It didn't feel like a trauma the previous day. It felt more like a huge relief, but in hindsight, I had made a huge consciousness shift, and a spine that had been twisted and tight with years of tension was obviously going to spring a bit out of alignment once it was loosened. I was learning about returning to balance on all levels--physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
The voice within wouldn't let me off the hook with just telling one person. My story got shared with at least a couple dozen more people. I couldn't share it with my parents--I was too afraid it would hurt them from their possible viewpoint of not having protected me enough or some such nonsense. I share this because--moms and dads--your kids don't tell you everything, do they. Especially if they're feeling really ashamed about something.
One of those with whom I did share was my actual brother, who blessed me by being willing to be that one person outside of me who created a SAFE SPACE with me, where I could talk candidly about the experience and how I truly felt and perceived it--all without condemnation or judgment of me or the other person. He honored my intentions and my choice of the process of healing all the way through. I wrap him in hugs of profound thanks.
I also had help in the form of the lyrics and melody of the song I'm posting in these pages. This, too, came to me as I walked--to the rhythm of my steps. The child in me needs my listeners to understand that I was trying to find the words to express myself clearly, and through music and art, the language of Heaven, I found my voice. I never wanted to play the victim card in this particular instance, though as a human, I've played victim more times than I can count in many other scenarios.
I give Oprah a great deal of credit for bringing the subject of molestation out into the open, but she could only go so far with it according to the context of the time (the nineties). While the subject matter was brought out into the open, unfortunately, it was too easy to point a dramatic, audience-pleasing, sensational finger of blame at someone else and not really dig into the guts of the matter to address the core issue of why it was happening.
This energy feeding/stealing, manifesting here in its most obvious form of physical sexual abuse, is a result of the sexual energy virus in consciousness--the imbalance of the masculine/feminine aspect inside every single one of us--no matter our gender.
If one mentions the word "sex" everyone automatically leaps to the physical act--but the virus I'm talking about here permeates every relationship.
If you find yourself seeking outside of yourself for a person, a god, or some other being to complete you, to LOVE you--or if you're trying to control or maintain a position of power--that is the sexual energy virus.
You already are complete and whole in yourself--just like the wandering bridegroom discovered in The Song of Solomon.
If you're perceiving yourself as a victim in any way--you are dealing with the sexual energy virus.
Even the perpetrators--the abusers--perceive themselves as a victim.
Both sides of the story--victim and abuser--are seeking power and control. When there are no more victims, there is no more abuse.
Oprah didn't have this information at the time--so here I am.
One little nine-year-old guest of Oprah's was praised for legally accusing her abuser while the "experts" in the field glossed over the fact that not all sexual interactions--even molestations--physically hurt. This moment on the show angered me, because no one made a safe space for a child to be completely truthful--a necessity to true healing--about her experience.
Any adult who's had sex with a considerate, if not also loving, partner knows how sensual and pleasurable the act can be. And sometimes a child's curiosity about that which isn't talked about openly can find himself succumbing to the temptation to experiment. And if that child has a pleasant experience, he/she might allow it to happen more than once, even encourage it--even though she knows she shouldn't. And that, folks, was the crux of the matter for me.
The guilt and shame I carried had nothing to do with the other person--it didn't matter who they were, what we did or didn't do. I did know that all I had to say was No and walk away, but I didn't. I allowed it to happen--and that was why I tried to bury it all away. My guilt and personal shame was running the show. To point a finger of blame at anyone else was to have it point right back at me!
This is why I chose to tell my story--there are other children of all ages just like me out there. And I simply want them to know that they're not alone, and that it can all turn out okay if you learn to FORGIVE, LOVE and TRUST YOURSELF.
Self-Forgiveness is just realizing you were a curious, naive, blind human--we ALL have done harmful things to ourselves, and others, when we didn't remember who we really are. That wasn't the true you. That simply was NOT a CONSCIOUS, FULLY AWARE/AWAKENED person who did those things in the past. And it doesn't do anyone any good to carry that shame into your present--doing that actually perpetuates the sexual energy virus.
You have to ask yourself, "Why would a child who was molested grow up to do phone sex? Why do some victims of abuse become abusers, and others, not? And if they aren't stealing energy from others through physical sexual abuses, is it showing up in other areas of their relationships and interactions with themselves and others? Why did so many priests who tried to suppress and control their sexuality succumb to sexually abusing those in their care? How many physical and mental dis-eases/imbalances can be traced back to some childhood experience that the person silently carries around in the guilt bag draped across his/her shoulders?"
How about helping me create a SAFE SPACE in our society that encourages everyone in the possibility of healing these imbalances in themselves? Gossip and speculation (the virus running rampant) about the ghosts in other people's closets heals nothing.
Victimhood--I was determined to no longer succumb to it in any aspect of my life and relationships. I was tired of the disempowering pity parties that it promoted, and I was tired of how it was being used to energetically feed off others. If you're always perceiving yourself as the victim in any type of relationship or interaction (physical sex doesn't have to even be a part of the picture), then you're not accepting COMPASSIONATE RESPONSIBILITY for that part of your life. You're not letting that wounded child within you speak her/his truth to at least, yourself--and that scenario of victimizer/victim will never change for you--even to the death--until you do.
Little One
At the time I allowed my most hidden, sordid-seeming childhood secret to come fully into my conscious awareness, I knew it was for the healing of myself, but I wanted to move through it quickly in order to put it behind me, and never have to address the subject ever again. But, no-ooo, that warm and tingling, gently hugging, knowingness conversation that I was having with the Eternal One within me was just getting me started....evidently......
I was in my thirties (I'm now 48) when I became friends with a woman who shared with me that she had been a victim of child molestation. She'd been institutionalized for anorexia and bulimia as a teenager and young adult. Though she professed to be Christian, she did phone sex in order to earn her living. When I first knew of her, she was highly obese and walking around in a Prozac haze. After experiencing her as the animated and fun-loving friend I came to interact with later on, you'll understand why I'm so adamantly against the use of drugs for emotional or mental therapy. She mirrored back to me beautifully what I could expect my own life to be like if I didn't take personal responsibility for my own well-being and happiness. Bless her heart for playing that part for me.
After she shared her little personal bomb with me it irritatingly started my own experience to rise to the surface of my thoughts, though I didn't reciprocate in the sharing of stories. I had planned to take that particular nugget of shame to my grave. I was out shoveling snow from around our car in the parking lot when the whole she-bang came bawling out of me late one night.
Several years earlier, the memories had been forced to the surface when the person who'd played the part of sexual molester (I really hate labels, so I'm using this for clarity purposes only) for me, sought me out in order to apologize for their part in our past--to take full responsibility. I held no grudge against the person, even prior to the apology. Part of me was angry at the time, because I had convinced myself it was all just a dream and never really happened--when suddenly I was forced momentarily to acknowledge that it had. I unhesitatingly told the person I'd just believed it was a dream, that they were forgiven, not to worry about having hurt me. Then I quickly crammed that whole story so far back in my psyche that I almost, once again, convinced myself it hadn't happened.
This person had gone out on a very precarious limb by coming forth to apologize--they literally put their life in my hands. As the "victim" of the scenario, I had the power--the mass consciousness of humanity, who pities the "poor" victims, gave it to me--and I was aware that how I handled this story was probably the biggest responsibility of my life.
Now back to shoveling snow. As I mulled over what my friend had shared about her experience--and she played the victim role to the hilt--I had insight into the person who "victimized" me. With every scoop of snow I threw, I literally FELT my "molester's" remorse, the longing to have the chance to change our history (a seeming impossibility) in order to make a different choice to not have done what was done. The prison and hell that that person was in, of their own making, was far worse than any punishment any human, god, or institution of torture could design for a "criminal." I sobbed with their pain and sense of powerlessness and unworthiness. And I sobbed with my own of the exact same stuff.......
I knew I had to find that person, and let them know, without a doubt, that I forgave them our trespassing. During our conversation, it seemed important that I encouraged the person to understand that I believed there was a good purpose behind our experience together--I knew this deep down. There is a time and a season for everything under the sun--Ecclesiastes. I also knew that in order to perceive--or to experience life as we know it--we needed both contrasts of darkness and light (duality)--they were both the gift of The Eternal One, that comforting spark of Home that I carried within me, no matter where I was or what the circumstances.
I neither condone nor condemn sexual abusers. I'm sharing all of this because it's time to put some real light on the subject of this sexual energy virus that's running rampant through our mass consciousness. Filling jail cells, posting sex offender notices, pointing fingers, keeping secrets--none of these things have stopped the abuses, have you noticed? I am unwilling to settle for anything less than pure resolution of this matter.
In order to keep my postings short, I'm taking a break here. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I've had many experiences and insights in the days, months and years since the memories surfaced. I've done a great deal of walking as my form of meditation, and while on one such walk, I was told by the knowingness within that I had to share my secret with my husband--thus, the subject of my next post.
Part 2:
"God/Father--he (meaning my husband) is going to ask 'Who?' ....and I don't want to bring harm to anyone. I don't want to blame anyone. Do I have to reveal the identity?"
My answer to the question was "No. You never have to reveal the identity. That's not what this is about. This is about YOUR SECRET, Penny, and the hold it has over you. A secret brought out in the open loses its power to control you. Once again, bring that which is hidden out into the Light."
And so I told my husband. He asked, "Who?"--and I told him I was never going to share that part with anyone. It was really rather undramatic--he didn't reject me for my past, which was my second worst outcome fear. My world didn't come crashing down around me, and I felt a great deal lighter in burdens shouldered.
The next day I woke up with what turned out to be some compressed and bulged discs in my neck and shoulders. The chiropractor asked me if I'd suffered some sort of emotional trauma, and I answered with what I thought at the time was a truthful "No." It didn't feel like a trauma the previous day. It felt more like a huge relief, but in hindsight, I had made a huge consciousness shift, and a spine that had been twisted and tight with years of tension was obviously going to spring a bit out of alignment once it was loosened. I was learning about returning to balance on all levels--physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
The voice within wouldn't let me off the hook with just telling one person. My story got shared with at least a couple dozen more people. I couldn't share it with my parents--I was too afraid it would hurt them from their possible viewpoint of not having protected me enough or some such nonsense. I share this because--moms and dads--your kids don't tell you everything, do they. Especially if they're feeling really ashamed about something.
One of those with whom I did share was my actual brother, who blessed me by being willing to be that one person outside of me who created a SAFE SPACE with me, where I could talk candidly about the experience and how I truly felt and perceived it--all without condemnation or judgment of me or the other person. He honored my intentions and my choice of the process of healing all the way through. I wrap him in hugs of profound thanks.
I also had help in the form of the lyrics and melody of the song I'm posting in these pages. This, too, came to me as I walked--to the rhythm of my steps. The child in me needs my listeners to understand that I was trying to find the words to express myself clearly, and through music and art, the language of Heaven, I found my voice. I never wanted to play the victim card in this particular instance, though as a human, I've played victim more times than I can count in many other scenarios.
I give Oprah a great deal of credit for bringing the subject of molestation out into the open, but she could only go so far with it according to the context of the time (the nineties). While the subject matter was brought out into the open, unfortunately, it was too easy to point a dramatic, audience-pleasing, sensational finger of blame at someone else and not really dig into the guts of the matter to address the core issue of why it was happening.
This energy feeding/stealing, manifesting here in its most obvious form of physical sexual abuse, is a result of the sexual energy virus in consciousness--the imbalance of the masculine/feminine aspect inside every single one of us--no matter our gender.
If one mentions the word "sex" everyone automatically leaps to the physical act--but the virus I'm talking about here permeates every relationship.
If you find yourself seeking outside of yourself for a person, a god, or some other being to complete you, to LOVE you--or if you're trying to control or maintain a position of power--that is the sexual energy virus.
You already are complete and whole in yourself--just like the wandering bridegroom discovered in The Song of Solomon.
If you're perceiving yourself as a victim in any way--you are dealing with the sexual energy virus.
Even the perpetrators--the abusers--perceive themselves as a victim.
Both sides of the story--victim and abuser--are seeking power and control. When there are no more victims, there is no more abuse.
Oprah didn't have this information at the time--so here I am.
One little nine-year-old guest of Oprah's was praised for legally accusing her abuser while the "experts" in the field glossed over the fact that not all sexual interactions--even molestations--physically hurt. This moment on the show angered me, because no one made a safe space for a child to be completely truthful--a necessity to true healing--about her experience.
Any adult who's had sex with a considerate, if not also loving, partner knows how sensual and pleasurable the act can be. And sometimes a child's curiosity about that which isn't talked about openly can find himself succumbing to the temptation to experiment. And if that child has a pleasant experience, he/she might allow it to happen more than once, even encourage it--even though she knows she shouldn't. And that, folks, was the crux of the matter for me.
The guilt and shame I carried had nothing to do with the other person--it didn't matter who they were, what we did or didn't do. I did know that all I had to say was No and walk away, but I didn't. I allowed it to happen--and that was why I tried to bury it all away. My guilt and personal shame was running the show. To point a finger of blame at anyone else was to have it point right back at me!
This is why I chose to tell my story--there are other children of all ages just like me out there. And I simply want them to know that they're not alone, and that it can all turn out okay if you learn to FORGIVE, LOVE and TRUST YOURSELF.
Self-Forgiveness is just realizing you were a curious, naive, blind human--we ALL have done harmful things to ourselves, and others, when we didn't remember who we really are. That wasn't the true you. That simply was NOT a CONSCIOUS, FULLY AWARE/AWAKENED person who did those things in the past. And it doesn't do anyone any good to carry that shame into your present--doing that actually perpetuates the sexual energy virus.
You have to ask yourself, "Why would a child who was molested grow up to do phone sex? Why do some victims of abuse become abusers, and others, not? And if they aren't stealing energy from others through physical sexual abuses, is it showing up in other areas of their relationships and interactions with themselves and others? Why did so many priests who tried to suppress and control their sexuality succumb to sexually abusing those in their care? How many physical and mental dis-eases/imbalances can be traced back to some childhood experience that the person silently carries around in the guilt bag draped across his/her shoulders?"
How about helping me create a SAFE SPACE in our society that encourages everyone in the possibility of healing these imbalances in themselves? Gossip and speculation (the virus running rampant) about the ghosts in other people's closets heals nothing.
Victimhood--I was determined to no longer succumb to it in any aspect of my life and relationships. I was tired of the disempowering pity parties that it promoted, and I was tired of how it was being used to energetically feed off others. If you're always perceiving yourself as the victim in any type of relationship or interaction (physical sex doesn't have to even be a part of the picture), then you're not accepting COMPASSIONATE RESPONSIBILITY for that part of your life. You're not letting that wounded child within you speak her/his truth to at least, yourself--and that scenario of victimizer/victim will never change for you--even to the death--until you do.
Little One
Words and Music by Penny Lewton Binek
Little One--come out, be free
Little One--come and play with me!
It's all right--let your secrets unfold,
Cry the tears of pain you've tried to hold.
Come to Me, I'll hold you tight,
And the darkness I'll not let bite.
Shout your anger! Vent your fears--
FEEL your sadness and your sorrows,
Then watch them disappear...
Little One--come out, be free
Little One--come and play with me!
It's all right--let your secrets unfold,
Cry the tears of pain you've tried to hold.
Come to Me, I'll hold you tight,
And the darkness I'll not let bite.
Shout your anger! Vent your fears--
FEEL your sadness and your sorrows,
Then watch them disappear...
Little One, come fly with me!
I've loosed your shackles--guilt, shame and misery.
Little One, come let your spirit soar
Through wondrous places you've never dreamed before...
(Instrumental)
Little One, come sing with me--
We have a song, a glorious melody.
Little One, come lift your heart in song
Giving thanks for all parts played,
Whether right or seeming wrong.
Hear the thunder, hear the ROAR--
A celebration like we've never felt before!!
Little One, at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me.
It's all right--you've let your story be told.
And in the Light of Day, behold!
You're a wonder!
Life's a gift!--
A celebration of ALL THAT IS.
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--
IS LOVE!
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is Is Love, Little One--
How you've grown into my sun/son!
Part 3:
"Judge NOT, lest you BE judged."
When I first read Yeshua's (I knew him first by the name Jesus) above statement in The New Testament, I pictured him pointing this stern finger at me chewing me out for judging people, and I cringed inwardly with guilt and shame.
But in the latter years, after many experiences, I've had a different insight on this--and my two previous posts highlight it for me. It's helped me a great deal in healing myself and finding my inner peace, so maybe it will help someone else. Take it or leave it, okay? It really doesn't matter to me.
It is my own understanding that, when Yeshua made that statement, he was teaching us how the spiritual/physical physics of reality manifestation works. I don't believe he intended to trigger my guilty feelings. He was telling us that when we have an experience and then make a judgment about that experience as BEING "right" or "wrong," we actually emotionally trigger/CAUSE that experience "TO BE" manifested in our reality--to last LONGER in our reality.
If we allow ourselves to simply have an experience without judging it--it simply comes forth and then disappears or stays accordingly, AS WE CHOOSE, moment by moment.
For instance, I'm at a place now where that old childhood story of mine really doesn't affect me anymore. From where I stand now, it doesn't even feel as big as I made it out to be--we were both just curious. But back in the early days of the resurfacing of the memories of it, I shed A LOT of tears, walked about with lumps in my throat, and coughed a great deal as I gradually worked up the courage and gave myself permission to express on the subject. But with the last two posts--I cried not a single tear, felt not a lump or even a single bit of guilt or shame about my part or my partner's part. And that FEELS REALLY GREAT!
Yeshua's statement surfaced in my thoughts again today and I realized that both of us made a judgment about a choice we each made to have an experience together--an experience we both perceived as "the wrong thing to do" but we did it anyway. Because of that judgment, we felt guilty and made it a secret--so we perpetuated that experience over and over again throughout our lives in many different forms in our relationships of all types.
When my partner took the bull by the horns, and approached me with an apology, they actually opened the door of letting that experience then begin to disappear--actually making the pain start to depart. But there were two of us involved in its creation, and in order to truly put it to rest, I also had to take responsibility for my part in perpetuating the manifestation, and had to open a door, too--which was addressing my own guilty feelings about my perceived "wrong way to be" judgment. I had to simply forgive myself and realize THAT WASN'T ME--I wasn't aware of my I AM THAT I AM. I wasn't awake to my TRUE self.
Beloved friends, if you truly want to help a child molestation victim, let go of pitying and feeling sorry for them--an approach that keeps the awful story playing out in one's reality. Instead, empower them to stand as the self-master of their own life--learn and teach the concept of SELF-FORGIVENESS.
My beloved Tobias's (another messenger in my life) parting message was, "Remember--you've done nothing wrong, not really, EVER."
Life--it's an amazing potential of experience of all kinds, helping us all grow in wisdom. Thank you ALL with my most deeply-felt, unconditional love and gratitude for playing all parts with me and for me.....
Related posts:
Walk Like a Master
"I need..." Indicates the Sexual Energy Virus is Present
Forgive Yourself: We're All Just Role-Playing Together
My Big Ah-Ha!/Yahoo! Moment
I've loosed your shackles--guilt, shame and misery.
Little One, come let your spirit soar
Through wondrous places you've never dreamed before...
(Instrumental)
Little One, come sing with me--
We have a song, a glorious melody.
Little One, come lift your heart in song
Giving thanks for all parts played,
Whether right or seeming wrong.
Hear the thunder, hear the ROAR--
A celebration like we've never felt before!!
Little One, at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me.
It's all right--you've let your story be told.
And in the Light of Day, behold!
You're a wonder!
Life's a gift!--
A celebration of ALL THAT IS.
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--
IS LOVE!
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is Is Love, Little One--
How you've grown into my sun/son!
Part 3:
"Judge NOT, lest you BE judged."
When I first read Yeshua's (I knew him first by the name Jesus) above statement in The New Testament, I pictured him pointing this stern finger at me chewing me out for judging people, and I cringed inwardly with guilt and shame.
But in the latter years, after many experiences, I've had a different insight on this--and my two previous posts highlight it for me. It's helped me a great deal in healing myself and finding my inner peace, so maybe it will help someone else. Take it or leave it, okay? It really doesn't matter to me.
It is my own understanding that, when Yeshua made that statement, he was teaching us how the spiritual/physical physics of reality manifestation works. I don't believe he intended to trigger my guilty feelings. He was telling us that when we have an experience and then make a judgment about that experience as BEING "right" or "wrong," we actually emotionally trigger/CAUSE that experience "TO BE" manifested in our reality--to last LONGER in our reality.
If we allow ourselves to simply have an experience without judging it--it simply comes forth and then disappears or stays accordingly, AS WE CHOOSE, moment by moment.
For instance, I'm at a place now where that old childhood story of mine really doesn't affect me anymore. From where I stand now, it doesn't even feel as big as I made it out to be--we were both just curious. But back in the early days of the resurfacing of the memories of it, I shed A LOT of tears, walked about with lumps in my throat, and coughed a great deal as I gradually worked up the courage and gave myself permission to express on the subject. But with the last two posts--I cried not a single tear, felt not a lump or even a single bit of guilt or shame about my part or my partner's part. And that FEELS REALLY GREAT!
Yeshua's statement surfaced in my thoughts again today and I realized that both of us made a judgment about a choice we each made to have an experience together--an experience we both perceived as "the wrong thing to do" but we did it anyway. Because of that judgment, we felt guilty and made it a secret--so we perpetuated that experience over and over again throughout our lives in many different forms in our relationships of all types.
When my partner took the bull by the horns, and approached me with an apology, they actually opened the door of letting that experience then begin to disappear--actually making the pain start to depart. But there were two of us involved in its creation, and in order to truly put it to rest, I also had to take responsibility for my part in perpetuating the manifestation, and had to open a door, too--which was addressing my own guilty feelings about my perceived "wrong way to be" judgment. I had to simply forgive myself and realize THAT WASN'T ME--I wasn't aware of my I AM THAT I AM. I wasn't awake to my TRUE self.
Beloved friends, if you truly want to help a child molestation victim, let go of pitying and feeling sorry for them--an approach that keeps the awful story playing out in one's reality. Instead, empower them to stand as the self-master of their own life--learn and teach the concept of SELF-FORGIVENESS.
My beloved Tobias's (another messenger in my life) parting message was, "Remember--you've done nothing wrong, not really, EVER."
Life--it's an amazing potential of experience of all kinds, helping us all grow in wisdom. Thank you ALL with my most deeply-felt, unconditional love and gratitude for playing all parts with me and for me.....
Related posts:
Walk Like a Master
"I need..." Indicates the Sexual Energy Virus is Present
Forgive Yourself: We're All Just Role-Playing Together
My Big Ah-Ha!/Yahoo! Moment
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