The Villain, The Prodigal Son, & The Gossip

In place of judgment, I choose to be open to a Win-Win Resolution for all parties in any type of conflict. 

And I know it's all possible if we can come to some sort of agreement about some basic ideas instead of pointing fingers of useless blame and compounding the ugliness of matters.

The Villain

Many years ago, I read an obscure book written in the 1930s called "The Urantia Book." Half of the book was dedicated to spiritual ideas and entities, and the other half was about the creation, evolution and history of this planet Earth and its human race.

Two ideas expressed in the book really resonated and stayed with me through all my own experiences. One is the astounding faith and hope that we humans have developed, and the second is a picture of an exact same scene but with two different perspectives:

The first picture is a close-up of an ugly, horrifyingly demented and evil-looking caveman. He doesn't play honorably. He plays dirty, wailing and flailing and lashing out every which way.

The second picture is a wider perspective of the scene, and it shows that that awful, crazy man is actually backed into a corner and is trying to protect his family as a huge saber-tooth tiger readies to attack. The terrified man is caught between a rock and a hard place.

If you look closely and feel into deeply beyond the surface mask of any villain you will see a deep-asleep, scared and alone-feeling Little Human who is just trying to survive by any means in a world he or she perceives as a harsh, cruel world. That is called the survival of the fittest mentality, and fear is the core issue driving it...and...we, the human race, as a collective, have chosen to move out of that consciousness into a higher awareness of who we really are.

Do we seem to have an over-abundance of villains popping to the surface these days? Every single trending headline in our local news today is focused on some villainous character or tragedy. Then when interacting with others in our community, people often commiserate with one another over the sorry state of our world and how bizarre people are. Is that a solution in any way, shape or form?

For every dark story out there, I can tell you about some amazing people and stories at the other end of the spectrum happening at the same time--and usually within that same story. It's all about where we place our sense of focus.

And in order to heal ourselves and our planet, we have to first allow our villainous dis-eases to come to the surface in order to allow them to be addressed and to then leave us for good.

Awakening: "Bring that which is hidden into the Light."

As for the villains in our headlines and gossip--I believe many of them are being forced to uncover parts of themselves they are afraid of as they are starting to awaken to who they truly are. It's like putting something in our status quo, boring human life that grabs us by the shoulders--or slaps us upside the head, and yells, "Wake up!!!" This phenomena is called The Dark Night of the Soul.

It causes a person to do some crazy stuff--believe me, I know. Awakening is not an easy process, because with it comes an Unrelenting Self-Forgiveness that leaves no aspect or demon or shame unaddressed. Your entire identity--any idea you have of "this is who and how I am" is ripped to shreds and nothingness until you realize you weren't any of the human costumes you played. You're just a pinpoint of eternal, highly-creative conscious awareness who realizes, "I exist!"

When I first began hearing that knowingness voice of self-awareness within me, it comforted me and helped me shift my perspective to more clearly see the broader picture of whatever drama-trauma concerned me at the time. But it also brought up my dark issues--my personal demons and dragons. I had to allow every little secret that I had buried away out into the light of day--and it wasn't easy, especially in the beginning.

The last thing I wanted to look at were the things I regretted and was ashamed of having done or said. I was miserable in my shame and guilt, and it weighed heavily on me in the form of how I carried myself--emotionally, physically, and spiritually--in my daily life and radiating demeanor. I walked around in a prison of my own making that I couldn't seem to run from, avoid, repress, escape. Awakening made me take another look or two or more--whatever it took--until I revisited every single shameful, guilt-inspiring moment, and realized so much more was happening at the time than that one tiny slice of negative part of me that I remembered.

As beautiful and freeing as it always ended up being, when stuff first began surfacing I, too, felt like a cornered, crazy beast who believed she was just a Little Human trying to survive in a cruel world.

And the unrelenting self-forgiveness never let up until I not only forgave myself with compassion, but until I also felt gratitude for the wisdom distilled for my soul from that experience of playing the lost human being that I was.

For anyone going through a dark night of the soul event, I would highly recommend disconnecting from your loved ones and friends and community for a bit. We have a tendency in our hometowns to get typecast as being a certain way and having a certain type of personality, and it's hard to let go of our stories when we're constantly playing in them. Go to a space you've made safe and sacred--where you can be alone with yourself to honestly reflect on and feel through the difficult things in your life without feeling defensive or as though you have to keep up a performance.

I have hugged and held myself, and been compassionately and unconditionally accepting of myself through many a dark and stormy night of the soul. I've learned the importance of playing the role of actually being my own best friend--with whom there is no need to justify my words or actions.

Suddenly, I realized that I was just lonely and scared, trying hard to fit into a world in which I didn't feel as though I belonged--and that I was really hard on myself. Any person being mean to me was just a mirror reflecting back to me how hard I was being on me, within myself.

Once I realized that, harsh words said by others started to not really matter. I still have sensitive days, but I don't dwell on such stuff for long anymore.

Jesus was not pointing a finger of accusation and condemnation at us when he stated, "Judge not, lest you be judged the same." He was reminding us of our own Creatorship and how each of us is creating the realities that we find difficult for our self to be in.

After a few realizations like that, you'll find as I did that a person is less likely to harm oneself or any other because of that. You turn into something of a benevolent rebel...

Jesus's Parable of The Prodigal Son

Jesus's parable of the prodigal son speaks to me of this whole process of awakening. The son sets out in a human costume on a journey of experience, forgetting who he is, getting lost, doing all kinds of things to just get by, until one day he remembers or realizes that he's more--that there's more to life than just trying to survive it. And he returns to his soul (his father) who welcomes him home with open arms and a feast and party to celebrate. There is no judgment of the son whatsoever. There is no condemnation nor need for justification by the soul.

There is a bit, however, of  regret and guilt of the Little Human that lingers within the son from his many experiences. He's afraid of trusting himself because of the dark things he did while asleep in the human dream. That part in the story is played by the "good son" who never left home in the first place to discover himself. Who was a pleaser of others and the follower of traditions and rules no matter the cost to his own freedom and realization. He was unwilling to acknowledge his own perfect imperfections. He knew nothing of what he was talking about, and the father--his wise "I am that I am" soul--admonished him for his self-judgment and lack of self-compassion.

The path of Self Realization is wide enough for only one--it is yours, and yours alone, and you're the only one who can make it easier, or more difficult, for yourself.

The Gossip

I don't have much tolerance for people who prattle on about other people and their crazy behavior. Frankly, it hurts...because not only do I not like hearing about how bad and dark people can be--regardless of whether they are some politician, celebrity or loved one--I feel the fear and self-unworthiness of the one playing the role of Gossiping Villain. I know they are just trying to direct scrutiny away from themselves for fear of being found guilty, lacking, anything that may cause one to be rejected by his or her peers.

I'm not about pointing fingers at gossips. I know that any finger-pointing judgment I make about any others out there just does a 180 and ends up landing on myself. Been there and done that--and the experiences of it made me compassionately wiser and more unconditionally accepting. You can't play in the Lost Little Human game very long without participating probably at least once in the vice that is called gossip.

We're awakening together, my friends, and the easier we make it for oneself and each other to do so, the smoother and more graceful this process can be.

This was my way of creating a bit safer and more sacred space for those who feel afraid and unworthy. It takes a brave being to play the human game. It's not for the faint of heart. You--your existence, your life experiences--it's all a GIFT.

Wake-up, my friends...wake-up...and know you're not alone.

One of my favorite parables came from Neale Donald Walsch's "Conversations with God" books. It was made into a children's book: "The Little Soul and the Sun."

After realizing who she truly was, the little soul wanted to experience forgiveness, but in order to do so, she needed another soul to play the role of betrayer for her. Out of the greatest love, another soul stepped forward and offered to play the part here on Earth in human costumes. The second soul, however, had one request. In order to betray, the soul had to go deep into the darkness and forget completely who he was. He asked that once the first little soul experienced forgiveness, that she help him remember who he truly was--the loving soul who played a most difficult villain all out of love for her...

It's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we All return.

What a different world we'll live in when we remember that...

Spiritual Energy Is Sexual Energy

Spiritual energy is sexual energy!

What a statement, huh?

When my childhood memories of molestation resurfaced (Click on this link: Bring That Which Is Hidden Into The Light: Overcoming The Victimhood Addiction), probably because of my molester approaching me first to apologize, and later my empathically experiencing that person's deeply felt remorse and self-punishment, I have felt all along that the two of us had agreed at our souls' level to act out that experience together. We did it solely to bring one of the deepest darkest secrets that so many humans carry--27 percent of the entire human population is experiencing a sexual abuse issue of some sort--out into the open and into the light so that people could heal or resolve it for themselves and experience more enjoyable lives without hauling that heavy baggage around.

I stated before--I neither condone nor condemn those who've committed sexual abuses. Judgment is not my thing, nor do I believe in a god out there separate from me who judges us and sends "unworthy" humans to hell. There are moments in my life here as a human that have been hellish in nature, and others like heaven. I am about SELF-FORGIVENESS: How can you hold someone accountable for things done in an unawakened state of severely limited consciousness of just trying to have some control in a harsh-seeming world where a survival of the fittest mentality reigns? I am about how it is to be here right now, in each present/gift of a moment.

I'm all about finding and sharing a true resolution and bringing that ancient story to an end. Sending people to jail and making them register as sex offenders solves nothing if all the parties involved aren't healed. Rehabilitation of sex offenders is pretty much a non-funny joke. Sometimes abusers were first the victims. I'm certain that in another life expression of my soul that I played the part of abuser. Mercifully though, I don't remember that lifetime.

In mid-September of 2007, our entire planet experienced a QUANTUM LEAP in CONSCIOUSNESS. It's a fancy way of saying that our awareness of ourselves and our perspective on human life and experiences expanded immeasurably inward and outward. We went beyond "survival of the fittest in a cruel world." For those of us who "knew" that there just had to be more to life than what we were taught and told (the status quo), we went from seeing ourselves as an All Alone Little Human Being to realizing that each of us is the gifted soul creator of her or his own reality.

For me, the quantum leap wasn't the joyful and fun experience I had anticipated. While other awakened peers were gathered together at a conference celebrating the event, I was home experiencing what felt like 7 days of hell. I didn't dare leave the house because it would hit at any time, and several times, within a 24-hour cycle; and it would last for 2-3 hours an episode. I sat on the toilet, crying, and experiencing what felt like a non-stop orgasm. I did nothing to bring it on. It just happened. I remember drinking all kinds of tea and liquid to rehydrate. I was miserable and crazy, at my wits end, and I didn't even want to think about sex for quite some time afterward.

I know of one other person who had a similar experience--a man--and it wasn't any more fun for him than it was for me.

At the time, I figured it was both a cleansing of me and a massive download of spiritual understandings, but no one actually came out and said what it was like for them. I remember at the time thinking of Jesus (Yeshua) wandering in the wilderness for 40 days, and hoping that wasn't the case for me. One week was more than enough and about all I could tolerate.

Now--what happened with me was my unique and individual experience. It need not be the same with you. It need not be so traumatic. It can be smoother and easier and not last so long--and I'm sharing this in order to give those who come after me a bit more information and clarity than I had at the time. You know what a relief it is, and how accepting of yourself you are when at last some brave soul shares their own embarrassing moment story with you--one that's very similar to your own experience? It helps to realize you're not alone. Suddenly you realize, "I'm okay, too."

This was a highly personal experience and not one I ever planned on sharing. But more information is coming out on the entire subject of the sexual energy virus. The virus is an imbalance of the masculine and feminine consciousness within each unaware/unawakened human on the planet. Regardless of one's gender, we have both a divine masculine and a divine feminine facet. We have a split brain. The left hemisphere--our masculine aspect--deals in logic and being a sovereign separate human entity. The right hemisphere--our feminine aspect--is intuitive, connected to our spirit, and sees our connection to All That Is. The balance happens when we acknowledge and accept that we are both, regardless of our gender and sexual expression.

Deeply hidden secret sexual abuses are surfacing all over in the news because the time is right--consciously speaking--for them to come up to be healed once and for all. I have more understanding on the matter now than I ever did before.

The key information I have to share here is that spiritual energy is actually sexual energy.

On the other side of the Veil, there is really no distinction between the two. It's only here that power-seeking humans have made them seem like two very different things.

I have had over 11 years of practice of being aware of the way spiritual energy feels in me--it's a warm and comforting tingling sensation all over, and sometimes just in certain areas of my body. Sometimes I feel a tingling on the side of my head, sometimes my shoulder, or a hip, or down my spine. I have a joyful knowingness feeling of awareness of myself and everything around me. I feel a deep sense of gratitude. I would describe it as orgasmic, but now it's not as intensely mind-blowing as it was in the quantum leap. Spiritual/sexual energy--especially when it's been suppressed and held down as it was with me in my earlier life--can be mind-blowing and mess with the body circuitry, especially if it explodes to the surface like a balloon held under water, so it's important to reassure oneself that "I am okay" and to create a safe space and physically care for oneself. Remember, that before we don our human costumes in order to more sensually experience our self we are spiritual in nature--a pinpoint of simple awareness that "I exist."

Many religions teach that sex is a very animalistic and base--NONSPIRITUAL--act.

That belief is why we have such distorted and abusive acts happening in our society. We are NATURALLY spiritual beings. Therefore we are NATURALLY sexual beings, and whenever you suppress and try to control what is natural, that suppressed energy seeks release in whatever means possible, and results in a distorted manifestation of some form like abuse.

Also, the surest means of getting someone to act out something is to forbid them to do it. Humans like to break rules--there is a rewarding feeling in believing you are getting away with something. Or it can be twisted the other direction and you feel and carry tremendous guilt at having done something, possibly just out of curiosity, that you wish you wouldn't have done.

Abusers and victim accusers are both seeking POWER. Power is a game--an illusion. Power is the opposite of freedom. There is no freedom when you play the power game. I am writing because I am about FREEDOM of being yourself without harm to oneself or to another. You won't see me jumping on a feminine power bandwagon, blaming and accusing someone else for my situation. I accept compassionate responsibility for myself. I love men and I love women. I love that I feel both the masculine and the feminine within me.

As I shared in my childhood story, suppression and repression of one's own sexuality often leads to abusive situations throughout one's entire life until you become aware of yourself and acknowledge it enough to allow yourself to just be. Things then heal and balance themselves naturally once you get out of your own way. It's no wonder to me that the Catholic priesthood has been riddled with sexual abuse when it mandates suppression of that which is not only natural--but NATURALLY SPIRITUAL--in all of us.

And, as I realized personally, pointing my finger at my abuser wouldn't have healed me. I was the end recipient of any judgment I made. I just needed to quit viewing it as my naughty little secret. Sexual abuse is often handed down through generation after generation of the same family--we can be genetically predisposed. Some may recognize the tendency in themselves and work hard to control it and not act on it, but if they don't bravely acknowledge it to oneself, and it still feels like a dark, ugly secret within--it's still going to manifest in their life as an abusive act--maybe emotionally or spiritually instead of physically--but those can be just as damaging, maybe even more insidious.

Here's a huge little gem I have to share with you on the subject of a family's genetic predisposition for sexual abuse:

If you acknowledge and naturally allow the healing of the sexual energy virus in yourself, it heals in both directions in the family lineage--your ancestors and your progeny. The story of sexual abuse ends with you--period.

You don't need to lecture loved ones on the subject. No need to convince anyone of anything. Just love and accept all of you--practically as well as spiritually.

The sexual energy virus is, at its core, an imbalance in our consciousness. The symptoms of the dis-ease between the masculine divine and feminine divine aspects in oneself are to be looking outside of oneself for unconditional acceptance, love, life, and completion. You focus on trying to control yourself and your outer world--your own creations--in order to feel safe and worthy enough to simply exist--to be. 

When, in truth, the fact that you exist is the greatest, most magnificent gift of all. A loving creator sets all of her creations free--including herself/himself first of all. Love yourself first, and the rest is truly easy.

Please Yourself

I am of the Baby Boomer generation, where the Victorian era consciousness of repressed and suppressed sexual urges where private parts were considered "nasty and dirty" clashed with the Free Love consciousness of the 1960's and 70's. It was a very confusing time to grow up in terms of one's sexuality.

I once worked with a woman who was so embarrassed and upset because her two-year old daughter figured out that by rubbing her knees together in just the right way caused her to feel really good--and she did it in the grocery cart in public. Her mom was beside herself. Little did the two of us know at the time, but that little toddler was showing us that the safest sexual practice and spiritual expression of it was masturbation. Pleasuring oneself, in a kind and safe manner helps to clear out a whole lot of junk--disease in the body and mind and spirit--and gets stuck energies flowing once again. It also takes away sexual performance anxiety because you don't worry about pleasing anyone else but yourself. You can't get pregnant or father an unexpected baby. There is no energy-feeding or stealing going on with another person. The best thing is it puts you right smack dab in the present moment, and you become aware of yourself and that you have the gift of a human body that allows a pinpoint of consciousness such a gritty sensual experience of itself in infinite ways.

Allow Yourself To BE

The warm and tingling, orgasmic knowingness I experience now--it happens without the physical sexual act. I'm walking around, sometimes at home, sometimes in nature, sometimes in a public place, when suddenly I'm aware that I'm in my human body, fully participating in my life...and...feeling a whole lot of gratitude at the same time. And because I realized the value of loving myself in ALL WAYS--even physically sexually--it's made my whole life experience much richer. Imagine the freedom you then feel when relating with another person.

What a gift!


Related Post:
The Villain, the Prodigal Son, & the Gossip