"On the road to enlightenment, I lost it all."
I don't think I've ever heard a more scary set of words. It had me wondering what next thing or being I held dear was going to be jerked away from me, whether by my own soul or by events outside of myself that I can't seem to change, no matter how open or relaxed I am throughout most of my day. No matter how much I allow myself to just be the imperfect human that I am without trying to change anything. No matter how I know, deep-down, that we're really all okay.
I am observing my identity as Penny, and her old connections to everyone and everything, literally crumbling away. While part of me understands and celebrates that that is exactly what should be happening, the other part--the weary and wary human vessel who's lost so much already along this path--is still feeling a bit scared of the next shoe dropping. It's been a long and hellish haul, interspersed with little bits of heaven and a whole lot of hope. And reminders to myself to return to myself and remember that it's all working out, that we're all okay, no matter what happens in this human realm of experiences galore.
Two stories in the Christian bible have deeply resonated with me throughout this self-realization journey: The Old Testament story of Job, and the New Testament parable delivered by Jesus/Yeshua--The Prodigal Son. They are both stories about a beloved son of "God"/The Eternal One who lost it all on their own paths to enlightenment. And their losing it all stories have been horror stories to me--but I've been hanging onto the outcomes of both for dear life! Everything they'd lost was restored to them in the end. I also recognized the greater appreciation they must have felt for everything because they'd experienced the loss of something that they probably took for granted as always being there.
This morning, as I'm downing the last of my cappuccino, it struck me that I've been viewing these stories from the perspective of a human life and all that we lose as we grow from infant to however old we are when we cross over to the other side of the veil. I haven't been grasping that the truest and greatest loss of all of any being is to lose sight of one's own divinity--your own soul, that "I am that I am" self.
To forget who you really are and believe that all you are is a singular Little Human with a "this is who and how I am and what I do" identity. Talk about being locked in a prison and having the key thrown away lifetime after lifetime of incarnating as an experiencer for your soul. We are all here experiencing out of love for our souls, and for each other.
Every single human is already a Job--we lost remembrance of who we were the moment we were born. Same as the prodigal son. The human incarnation is the road to enlightenment or self-realization. Or to put it more simply, it's the road to wisdom and the understanding of how our own individual field of energies serves us--a singular pinpoint of awareness--that part within each of us that realizes "I exist." And it happens by us forgetting who we really are and thinking we're just these little human beings trying to survive in a daunting and often cruel world of loss after loss after loss.
What am I getting at here? It's a pretty subtle shift in perspective, so subtle that I'm still feeling into it as I'm writing this down. What it means for me, though, is that I no longer have to worry about the next shoe dropping on me to squash me and my hopes and dreams to smithereens. It seems to be dissolving that niggling fear away: I don't have to be afraid of losing anymore. I'm not on that journey to enlightenment anymore. I arrived a very long time ago....
On my road to enlightenment, I did lose it all--the moment I was born and began forgetting who I truly am....
And now I am in the restoration phase....I'm not losing anymore....
I am re-membering....
I am finally done anticipating the next drop of that mean old shoe....
P.S. I am fully aware that my perspectives on life and death could easily turn out to be a bunch of blarney and BS....and....I'm totally okay with that, because by looking deeper and seeing the best in myself and everyone and everything else (regardless of the act being played out in front of me)--I more freely, peacefully, gratefully and abundantly live right here, right now....
Thank you All for helping me decorate my soul....