Lighthouses of Freedom: Every American's Responsibility? How?

In the 1990's, I tried to do what I was told was each and every responsible American's duty to do--I tried to officially document, file, and claim my sovereignty. I tried to free myself from the imprisonment and slavery/serfdom of established systems. And it was a terrifying experience.

I was reading all this material with strange and foreign words--even the word, sovereign, was elusive to my ability to mentally grasp. As far as feeling free--feelings were pretty much scoffed at at that time. We were supposed to act, and react, intellectually and logically, to not be ruled by our "silly" feelings and emotions. I remember one of my husband's bosses telling him to not make "emotional decisions." It made me laugh. How can you NOT make an emotionally-triggered choice when you're totally UNAWARE of what you're feeling in the first place? Most human behaviors and experiences--actions and reactions--are due to emotional triggering.

I was instructed to be patriotic by the ones around me who thought they were freedom fighters. Turns out, we were all just fighting our own personal demons, and not a single one of us understood what true freedom is. Even though we were fighting for it (not with weapons, but with words, in my case), we were also mentally placing limitations on the concept--we didn't trust ourselves, much less any other being out there, with total freedom. We're sure to abuse it down the line somewhere, aren't we? Gotta keep the Satan-monsters in check, right? Trying to control the behavior of those outside of oneself is like herding cats...it isn't going to happen.

I love those words: "With Liberty and Justice for All" 

Is it freedom, or is it a political power-play, to demand someone to pledge allegiance to something they don't really understand--just because someone thinks it's the right thing to do, because that's the way it's always been done? What if I disagree with some of the things elected officials have done in my name? Do I freely honestly proclaim allegiance to that? Is that freedom when, inwardly, I feel myself cringing and putting on the brakes? As a kid, and as an adult--I had no idea what those words of our pledge of allegiance actually meant, because no one ever really discussed the subject of sovereignty and freedom--and yet we're all told that those words matter. Hm. Are you really free if you are programmed, forced, or manipulated using shame, into doing something expected of, and unquestioned by, you?

For the record, I tear up at our national anthem, and I have a deep appreciation for ALL who came before me--ALL OF IT! I love the idea of Self-Sovereignty, of true freedom for ALL--and I choose to explore that in depth.

What I remember most of all from those very chaotic, confusing, and frightening days, is the sense of always feeling like I had a finger slammed in my face, blaming "idiotic-me" for the state of our country and world. Every time I read something, the authors were telling me I should be ashamed of myself for taking my freedom for granted, for giving it away, for allowing all those bad people out there to sucker me into being their slave.

So when I finally gave up, and returned to the system, I bowed my head in shame and disgrace at my failure to claim my sovereignty that way, and in shame that I'd even tried that path to begin with. Most of my peers thought I was crazy to even try to break out of the system. I walked around feeling foolish, like a big zero, for years afterward.

In retrospect--I was too hard on myself. I hadn't given myself credit for having the courage to at least attempt to see outside that old box of a belief system. Especially, when all of my life experience and education, up to that point, had nothing to do with even discussing the topic of true sovereignty and freedom. It wasn't in our human consciousness awareness. All of our education, K-12 and higher, focused on teaching the democratic process, and how to create laws--and that has nothing to do with personal sovereignty, and everything to do with trying to limit and control ourselves and others.

All that education in this "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave," and none of it had any of us contemplating what it meant to live out our own total freedom, while honoring and respecting all others and being together harmoniously. We were taught to idolize those with power and fame, and if we didn't have the brains and the power to lead others, then we should follow those who had it, and whine about all the ways "they" fail us. And bravery--is that a concept reserved only for soldiers? I can think of a huge number of roles that fall into the category of bravery--and some don't include fighting anything, but simply releasing oneself from a belief.

I don't identify with any political parties, and I frankly think this 2-party system is in need of a good cleaning. I've heard of the possibility of a third party emerging from all of this upheaval in 2020. A non-politician like Donald Trump is looking like the catalyst for change that we needed to set ourselves in a new creation direction of electing representatives at all levels who actually serve us in honoring freedom for all, first and foremost.

What's going on with agenda-motivated mainstream news and social media like Facebook censoring and promotion of fighting with our own friends and relatives, and the spyware is insane! It's all sheer distraction from every individual's possible foray of going within--into taking a clearer, responsibly-self-compassionate look (not the personal blame crap I mentioned above) at oneself, and learning to practice trusting oneself with total freedom, while living harmoniously alongside others choosing the same sovereignty, or not.

But frankly, that search-for-power distraction is what every American has been taught to do by the OLD family, education, religious and government systems in place--seek power through making money via businesses, fight to control its distribution, and try to tell anyone external from us how to behave. That's the package being sold as "The American Dream"--but that distorted viewpoint is NOT this American's, my, dream.

I'm tired of being told that I'm taking for granted the freedom all those soldiers are supposedly dying for--for me. Especially when those reprimanding me with that opinion and agenda haven't even considered what true freedom is. They're just passing on mental programming--the blind leading the blind. I'm not asking ANYONE to fight or sacrifice their lives for me--I haven't done so in all these years--and yet, everywhere I look, blind people are telling me to make my truth, a very old belief they haven't felt into themselves. Some politician has used that idea as a popular means to gain people's votes--they tell you what their polls tell them you want to hear.

I heard a lot of people wanting revenge for 9/11--and politicians gave them exactly what they asked for by sending soldiers and National Guardsmen and women (not meant for war on foreign soil) to blow to hell the countries and people of Afghanistan and Iraq, looking for a few terrorists and a dick-tator, and his weapons of mass destruction bullshit. And you got a government watchdog in the process, protecting your safety--and I've never seen anyone more "safe" and free than those being searched like criminals before boarding an airplane. That last part was sarcasm.

I NEVER asked for that, and I don't feel that honors the memory of all those beloved men and women and children who died on 9/11. I NEVER demanded revenge--to me, that wasn't justice served. That was politics and greed and power plays--manipulating the EMOTIONS of the people to get "their" (and I'm not talking ANY conspiracy crap here) agenda accepted. We all have agendas--it helps if you are aware and can acknowledge that you have them. I'm sorry our armed forces were called into action, and that so many suffered so much tragedy, ALL OVER THE WORLD, for ALL THESE YEARS--but none of that was my choice. That was politicians and all the blind sheep who followed their lead--wanting to play power and war games. I guess everyone got exactly what they wanted..."If it's in my life, I put it there."

I'm choosing my own sovereignty--no one else can give it to me--and no one needs to sacrifice anything for me to make that choice. That latter part is an example of a guilt trip--that's the classic tool a manipulative person with an agenda uses to get someone shamed into acting the way they want them to. We've all used it at one time or several others.

Freedom isn't a power game--it's a feeling, and feelings are about as unique and personal as you can get.

In US history classes, we read boring textbooks and memorized dates and battles, but I was never taught to imagine myself in the shoes of those amazing people who brought about the creation of my beloved country, the first of its kind to make an experimental step towards recognizing freedom--sovereignty--for all. I never had a world history class in all my schooling--and in order to appreciate our America--the personal sovereignty/freedom experiment--you really need to have some idea of the life, trials and tribulations, and challenges--the consciousness--of the Old World people prior to its creation.

I learned of the French Revolution--how it felt, on a human level, for both the wealthy aristocracy and the peasants--from Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. It took me reading that book to realize that their revolution was going on about the same time as our American Revolution--and what a difference there was between the two. I even more deeply felt into, and contemplated, revenge versus true justice because of that work of fiction.

I just recently experienced a glimpse of the Russian people's life experience during Joseph Stalin's reign of terror prior to, and during World War II, through another novel by Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden. I was born in 1964, a baby boomer who grew up during the Cold War era--we were taught that Russians were our enemies with mutual nuclear weapon capabilities, and that Communism was bad, and that people who were thought to be enemies of the state were banned to Siberia.

But not once, were we encouraged to imagine what the daily life was like for the human being living in such a state, much less how Marxism came to be, who the Bolsheviks were, and how they came into power through Lenin. I had no real understanding of what World Wars I or II were even truly about--and I'm not sure the citizenry of the world then even knew that either.

I'm not sure anyone knows why we fight any of the wars. Everyone has different personal reasons and purposes for choosing to play the roles we each play. Wars come about mainly due to emotional manipulation--through guilt trips and propaganda--of the masses willing to UNKNOWINGLY give their personal sovereignty away. You can be in a prison--and still, at the core of the real you, exercise FREE CHOICE. On the basic human level alone, I don't think anyone truly comes out a winner of a war, do we? It feels like a barbaric waste.

The latest war in America doesn't have war in its title even--the health conflict. If you CHOOSE, fellow free-born sovereign, to play and fight in that power game, enjoy your procto-exam. You see, when you give your responsibility for your own life into the hands of another, expecting them to take care of you and make you happy, you're going to get betrayed...I'd bet on that, and I'd win. But it's an experience, and I honor your choice to have it, just don't expect me to commiserate with you, either side.

I've had this old saying come to mind recently--it always made me cringe with distaste: "Get up! The world's on fire--get up and piss on it."

I've realized it revolted me so because, to me, to intentionally urinate on someone or something is to treat them with disrespect.

What I hadn't recognized before, though, is that it's representative of the Old Consciousness world I grew up in--the aggressive, war-like, power-plays of a human mass consciousness OUT of BALANCE toward the masculine end of the spectrum.

I haven't really ever quite fit into the mindset of the old world, and I used to apologize and feel ashamed of that--but I've realized I didn't come to fit in. I came in at that time because the potential was great that I would live to experience, along with others, a huge quantum shift in human consciousness never ever experienced before. A shift that would change the world as we know it, into something new. The Earth will go on without me, and so will other beings of all kinds--they don't need, or want, me to save them. No one really needs anything from me--and that makes it easier to see how we all unconditionally love each other, no matter what trauma/dramas we play out on the surface.

As I recently joked with some facebook friends, writing our names while urinating is quite an exhausting and messy endeavor for us females, but it's how territories get marked. It's about making sure others know you've been there, and made a difference. It's how we're taught to be in the old consciousness. Prove you're worthy of being alive, even though when you're dead and gone long enough, the world will still forget you, no matter how pretty and elegant your casket and headstone are. And your story gets distorted and diluted, if it's even attention-worthy enough for someone to share with others. Few of us make it into the history books, and after what I've seen done to the life story of Jesus/Yeshua, I don't care if I'm famous.

In essence, all that awful statement above is saying is, "Prove that you matter (that you exist) by making your mark on the world, by putting out the fires--the things we are mentally programmed to believe that we should care about, and fix."

And just so you know, I can roll my eyes and laugh at the absurdities and craziness of the individuals who are sleepily choosing to continue playing the old game, by playing politics, religion, family, business and conspiracies--the power game--because I did all of those things, too. I was a crazy, absurd, foolish woman--and I took a lot of things for granted. And none of that really matters. There's nothing to really be ashamed of. Others can play using the guilt trip, but I'm bored with that concept, so, in that respect--you have my respect, and I choose to honor your sovereignty, however you choose to live, and play, it out.

There's one thing I know for sure: I am! I exist! And regardless of the game, whether I live or die here, I will always exist. I am that I am! 

And I don't need to file any silly documents for some belief system, full of inconsistencies, in order to claim my natural inheritance--my freedom and sovereignty. 

All I had to do, was quit "busily" searching, and listen to what has been within me all along...I live it out with every consciously-aware breath...one breath at a time...


P.S. I find it ironic that those who seemed to really hate our current president, Donald Trump, have accused him of being the next Hitler, when, in fact, I haven't seen him taking any freedoms away in all these past 4 years. When I've heard him speak, I have felt a kindred sense of a love of all that is good about our country and freedom and its people. 

Hitler wasn't a one-man operation. Millions didn't die because he single-handedly executed them. He had a major following in the population--an emotionally-triggered mass of people. People who were willing to hand over their own freedom for better education, wages, welfare offered through the Nazi government programs. Feel into those pointing fingers for yourself--are they trying to motivate and limit your freedom by making you afraid? Do they really care about you? How badly do you want to be taken care of? Or are they trying to get you to fight their battles for them and destroy yourself? 

So, throwing all your energies at disliking a select group of people, or disliking one person--whether he/she is a "leader" or not--is that truly the path you FREELY CHOOSE to take? I KNOW we're all MORE than that...

Related Posts:
Christ Consciousness: Rest Assured--No Soul is Truly Lost

Allowing Me in My Enlightenment

When I chose to awaken, I naively thought that it would make me exempt from losing any more loved ones to death. After all, I'd lost a boyfriend, and later, both of my parents. There were several others that died, but these were my closest relationships. After the experience with my dad, I truly thought I understood it all, therefore, no more deaths were needed for me, right? Even when Tobias told us Shaumbra that we were going to experience more losses--relationships ending, jobs ending, and deaths, I trembled inside, but still tried to convince myself that he was talking to all those other people. That it was totally unnecessary for me.

Then in 2010, my beloved Molly cat suffered a second stroke, and died several hours later that day. She had the first stroke about a year or so earlier. When that happened, she was unable to move for about twenty minutes one morning, and I kind of lost it, and told her not to do that to me--that I couldn't withstand losing her. We took her to the vet, though she was back to normal, and he said it was her thyroid, that he could remove it, or put her on medication. Thyroid diseases were the hot topic in mass consciousness at the time--even Oprah was sharing about her thyroid condition. I didn't want to put Molly through surgery--felt it was unnecessary--and no way was I going to force medicine down her throat every day. To me, that wasn't allowing her quality of life. When she was mauled by a dog 12 years earlier, it was a challenge to get her to swallow the medication for that short period. I just wasn't going to do that to her, no matter how much it cost me to lose her. And even then, I was still trying to convince myself that I was exempt from losing her, because I was awake enough. I was a spiritual lightworker, dammit!

I was spiritually bullshitting myself. Trying to mold myself into being how I mentally thought a spiritual self-master should be. Weren't they these people who were wise, gentle, mild, strong, composed all the time? Weren't we beyond having our feelings and emotions triggered? Didn't we have the perfect solution for every situation we faced?

Ahhh! Having all the answers...I've KNOWN deep down that I've always had them for myself, but what I hadn't realized is that my human mind keeps limiting them, diluting them, distorting them in an attempt to make the answer match its VERY LIMITED UNDERSTANDING of the soul's experience while in a human consciousness and form.

In other words, my human expectations of what spiritual enlightenment looked like and how it was, kept me closing down and limiting my experiences. I couldn't perceive and then consciously choose potentials that my limited human mind didn't even know were possibilities. I was trying to force myself to experience death differently than I had in the past, but all I was succeeding in doing was numbing myself down, emotion-wise (by trying to not grieve and cry so much), trying to grapple about and define how I should handle, and comport, myself with the subject of death. Trying to figure out how to over-ride death. My human mind was limiting me all the while it was trying to serve me. I was throwing myself against brick walls, trying to figure it all out--putting so much pressure on myself to perform, to prove to myself and others that I was truly enlightened, and that I had a handle on this death thing.

Two years later, I lost Molly's brother, my beloved Max. In the last few months, he started sleeping under the covers curled next to my husband, and then moving over to my pillow to purr in my ear for the next portion of the night. He was getting us prepared to say good-bye.

He had an episode one night in June. I honestly didn't know what to expect--whether he was going to miraculously get better or die. For three weeks, I struggled with trying to figure out how I was supposed to be as an awakened, enlightened being, while watching him be fully present, lovingly interacting with me one moment, then, the next, not-- he'd stare through me as if I was invisible and wouldn't respond to my voice. It helped a bit more in having heard Adamus say that we often leave our bodies weeks prior to our actual physical deaths, regardless of whether it's an "accident" or an illness--that we don't suffer pain, though our bodies go through the motions and may appear to be in pain. I wasn't beating up on myself as much with Max as I had with Molly by trying to figure out where I went wrong in caring for him. I had compassionately finally realized that I'd done the best I knew how with both--and that it was cruel to dwell on thinking I'd screwed up.

I let him be outside on his own all day, while checking on him now and then--trying to not to hover too much and force my will on him, yet loving him, touching him, and thanking him for our time together. We allowed him to stay out all night when he seemed close to the end, in an effort to let him go off and die in peace, on his own, as pets often do in those last moments. Only to come awake the next morning (not really having slept at all), to rush out to find him, my heart pounding in fear that he died, and breathing in relief to find him alive. This went on and on, with me trying to be what I thought was enlightened through the whole process.

He finally died in my husband's arms on the Fourth of July, 2012. I was outside, trying to just let go and trust that all was truly okay, trying to keep myself open to all kinds of possibilities, but without expectation of the outcome. I did know that he, like Molly, wasn't dying to punish or hurt me. I knew this was all to help me release myself from the beliefs humans have surrounding death, aging, and dying--but that didn't mean it was without heartache and pain in my experience. When Max had taken his last breath, Kel said he just seemed to glow, and that he was so beautiful that he had to bring him out to show me, where I sat in the moonlight, on the bench where Max loved to lay, under the silver maple tree--and he truly was beautiful...but it was still Good-bye...

Some people may be rolling their eyes, thinking, "For God's sake, Penny--all this silly, foolish angst over an animal. That's not like losing a human child, partner, parent, etc. Get over it!"

I've always loved animals, and when I was a kid, our pets were my best friends. They, cats and dogs all together, walked the pastures with me. One dog, Charlie, when he was no longer able to physically walk that distance with me, actually sat up on the hillside watching and waiting for me to return. They sat beside me to watch the sun set. They listened adoringly while I sang to them--Born Free, One Tin Soldier, Billy-Don't Be a Hero, Tapestry...When I was down, they comforted me and did everything they could to make me laugh and lighten up--and they always succeeded, if only for a moment. I actually mattered to them.

According to Tobias (crimsoncircle.com), our pets came into being, an extension of oneself, specifically to support the humans with whom they identify--they were created to remind us humans, who felt so lost and far from Home/Heaven, that we are, in fact, never alone--and that Home is wherever we each are. Heaven is right here, in me, right there, in you...

Tobias said that when our pets die, we should go wherever there were babies (species didn't have to be the same), and the ones we'd lost would be reincarnated--we'd see it in their eyes.

I knew Max and Molly came to be with us specifically--I'd read it in their eyes. Molly, a gold and white tabby, was the first one we saw, and, when Kelly picked her up she lay back in his hand and cuddled under his chin like it was her place to be. Max actually disappeared when my sister went to claim him from the litter. He was the only black and white short-hair, the one she planned to take home, but he was nowhere to be found, so she chose another. When I went looking for the kittens that were left that the mother kept moving around, Max, gazing steadfastly into my eyes, was the lead kitten emerging from their mother's hiding place. He'd been waiting for me.

Kel and I had planned to get just one cat as our first pet together, but we couldn't decide between Max and Molly, so that morning on the drive to Mom and Dad's place to get them, we agreed to take home the first one we saw. The first ones we saw were Max and Molly, sitting side-by-side in a cinder block. We took it as a sign to take them both--and I'm SO GLAD we did!

So, my pets are not just animals--and I am not their master. We're best friends and we're family. Letting go of them was like letting go of myself--because I actually was letting go of a part of me...that's what love does. It lets go of all control over its creations. Love releases them in total (not just a little bit as it suits me) freedom. Love gives life, and sets it free--releases it from all expectation.

And when you're a human stumbling around half-awake and immersed in a human mass consciousness that is very much dead asleep--well, you have no idea how to be enlightened. You want to be able to trust yourself enough to let go of those you so dearly love, but it's hard, it's confusing and frustrating, and it hurts, and it feels and looks like an effing hell of a mess! Deep down, in excruciatingly-fleeting glimpses, you KNOW, without a doubt, that this human experience is more and can be more than what one's experienced and perceived so far--but you've no idea how to bring it all about. So I resorted to spewing spiritual bullshit--mahkyo--in a desperate attempt to convince myself that I was getting somewhere with all of this. Even now, I realize that I had a goal "in mind"--a destination. I didn't "think" I even set goals anymore! I was still searching, whether I wanted to admit to it, or not.

You know the story of how the bridegroom in the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament wandered the streets searching for his bride? He searched and he searched and he searched, wandering the streets outside of himself--only to finally realize she was there with him, within him, all along. The searching outside kept him distracted, kept him from "seeing" a potential reality--one that was ACTUALLY as real as him losing his loved one. It's only when he quit searching for her that he discovered her.

In short, I feel completely powerless when it comes to losing others to death.

According to Adamus Saint-Germain, allowing oneself to be powerless and no longer trying to control an outcome is exactly what it means to allow enlightenment. He said,  "You CHOOSE to AWAKEN, and you ALLOW your ENLIGHTENMENT..."

For me, that finally meant that I FINALLY simply ALLOW myself to feel and act and react and fully immerse in, and experience, whatever happens in my life--without judging how I am. Without trying to monitor, analyze, control, and mold myself into acting and feeling how I THINK I should be. I just am--and that's okay.

I may be a bitch. I may roll my eyes at the crazy absurdities I observe in the world. I may laugh embarrassingly loud. I may try to crack a joke that no one else seems to get. I may get sick and sometimes have difficulty bending or walking, or experience any number of those myriad, often annoying, symptoms of awakening. I may burst into sobbing tears over some book I read. I may feel sad, even inconsolably bereft when a loved one dies. I may have relationships end. I may even physically die.

I may--much to my consternation--feel like, and act the part of the victim, the one role I've struggled for years not to be. I have, in fact, felt like a victim all the time, but like those priests who tried to deny their own sexuality, my victimhood, and their sexual appetites came out in spades.

I can feel totally POWERLESS, lose complete control over myself, or realize I never did have control--and, yet, still--I EXIST.

I've realized that NONE of us HUMANS could have committed the atrocities with one another that all of us have experienced and done to ourselves and each other in the past, UNLESS, deep-down within every single one of us was the profound KNOWINGNESS that the darknesses we explored and played in weren't permanent--that we were more than these stories and beliefs and identities we dabble in.

Some part in all of us KNEW we could NOT truly take the life of anyone. That those dark roles were just role-playing on all our parts--none of it was who we truly and fully are. Deep-down, every one of us KNOWS, without doubt, that ALL LIFE is ETERNAL, and that this experience on Earth, pretending to be limited human beings, is our chance to explore and discover this gift of life that we've all been given--that I Am , that You Are, on a SAFE and SACRED playground.

And with ALLOWING my own ENLIGHTENMENT--simply allowing myself to authentically be, and experience, without limiting it mentally--I've recognized that I'm most likely not going to harm anyone or fight anything anymore. I'm safe with me, and so are you.

Deep down, all of us KNOW that all is truly well in all of Creation...we're all okay, and I don't have to care about trying to save anyone or the world from all this experience.

 Aaah! I finally ALLOWED myself to say honestly, "I don't care!" That's SUCH A RELIEF to admit that--to let go of such a limited, and wildly inconsistent, human programmed belief about how I should be, and what I should care about. I'm done trying to figure out how to prioritize all the things I was taught I should care about. That was a hamster wheel effort going--that's right--nowhere! 

And lightning didn't strike me down for admitting I don't care. I love and I respect and I honor, but I don't care. I have hands-off compassion, but I don't care. And, imagine that!--I still exist. Even though my humanity wants to judge me as being so "bad and wrong" for not caring. My blind, all-alone humanity is yelling at me, "Pen, that's selfish! That's no way to be! Don't admit that (even though, we all know deep-down that it's true, and we're afraid admitting it means we're monsters)."

I don't care about Max and Molly because I KNOW they're okay--and by allowing that, I've felt myself truly finally set my loved ones free...I am no longer limiting them. That's what love is. That's what love does. TRUE LOVE LETS GO!

It finally really doesn't matter to me if no one else understands this or not. I still exist...and I really don't know what embodied enlightenment is going to look like or how it will feel...I don't care! Oh, the breath of freedom that comes with that ALLOWING of MYSELF!

I'm just ready for a new set of potential experiences not conceivable, much less, realized, before--I'm bored with the old traumas and dramas manifested out of those old limited Little Human beliefs and mind traps. I know there's more, and so does everyone else--and they'll all choose to awaken, however much, and allow their own enlightenment whenever they want...and always, ultimately--we're all okay...



P.S. On Friday, December 13, 2013--a little over a month after writing the above post--Max suddenly appeared in a dream during an afternoon nap. I knew, without a doubt, that it was definitely Max--alive and healthy--and I picked him up and carried him over to their food dishes to feed him. 

I grappled slightly trying to remember the story of how I'd lost him: Had he actually died? Or had he just wandered off for a long time?

I realized none of that mattered.

What mattered is that he was alive! And he had returned HOME to me! The past--our old story--had faded, all the pain disappearing with it. All I felt was joy and ease...everything was good...all was well in all of Creation. And I'm left truly feeling excited about being here on Earth now, having my ENLIGHTENED human experience...

Related Posts:
My Awakening
Forgive Yourself--We're All Just Role-Playing Together