The Seduction of Being a Victim

The seduction of being a victim is you get attention.

When there are no more victims, the abusers will dissolve away...

And the Sexual Energy Virus in Consciousness will be done,

because the Masculine and Feminine will be in balanced partnership.

To play the role of Abuser means you're feeding off, or stealing, the energy from others (Victims) who are ALLOWING you to do so. You CANNOT feed off another unless they give you permission to use them in that way.

The tricky part though, is that when you play the Victim, you are the one ALLOWING another being to abuse you. You are feeding the story, the drama, the illusion. And when you use your victimhood in order to get attention from others, to get pity, to commiserate, to fit in--you're suddenly the abuser, too--the energy feeder/sucker. You're stealing energy from another who commiserates with you, or who politely allows you to vent and then feels sorry for you. And around the never-ending Misery-Go-Round you go.

The Victim role is a slippery, insidious and seductive little sucker...

The big question:
"Why do they--my victims--allow me to do that to them?"

My soul has another human expression, for lack of a better understandable description, a past-life incarnation who played the role of a very dark and terrible--evil--woman who perpetrated some extremely heinous abominations on fellow human beings. She was after POWER and CONTROL, and she totally immersed into darkness. I call her the Dark Lady.

Because of her, I carried over a great deal of guilt into this particular lifetime--which I finally released myself from by simply FORGIVING MYSELF. That was NOT me! That was a human totally blind to her Divine Creatorship--she was completely unaware of her "I am that I am." As I've mentioned many times before, I've realized this Earth is a playground for spirit, a place to play-act in order to discover oneself--and that we can't harm any soul eternally or permanently.

I realized that the Dark Lady did all those cruel and terrible things because she believed she was only a Little Human just trying to survive in what she believed was a cruel world. She was deep asleep in the hypnosis of "I'm just a SCARED Little Human trying to get some semblance of power over that fear--Kill them before they kill me, and make sure they're too scared to even try!"

The true gift of the Dark Lady, though, has been her question, "Why did my victims allow me to do that to them, over and over and over again?"

Why do people stay in abusive relationships and allow themselves to be hurt continuously? Why did friends allow some "expert" or doctor--basically another human as imperfect as oneself--to diagnose them with a permanent label, and a prescribed drug use that left them feeling like a zombie walking through their own life? Why do they still, after decades, continue playing that character-role and make that diagnosis their truth? Why do people let parents, friends, teachers, doctors, preachers and psychics tell them what's "wrong" with them, what kind of life they have to live, and what to expect from the future? Why do we humans passively hand over our life to someone, or something, outside of us that can't possibly know us, and can't begin to appreciate one's own existence as much as the individual living that Unique Soul Expression?

I have asked myself that question constantly--and I keep seeing the hypnosis. Humans just keep playing the same old game over and over again--sleepwalking through life, victims of life.

We take all these SUGGESTIONS, and that's all they are, about how life is on Earth: here is what it's like and this is how you do it--we program our kids with it--and very few question the validity, or truthfulness of the belief that's the flavor of the moment. We live out these gifts of life in unquestioning MEDIOCRITY.

The Benevolent Rebel in me chose to question and challenge all the diagnoses and labels and LIMITING, FREEDOM-SUFFOCATING ideas and beliefs. To challenge a belief doesn't mean standing on a street corner or behind a podium trying to gain followers. You actually don't need followers to live your own life. It means quiet time, being alone with oneself--and being honest and choosing clarity.

My beloved Adamus Saint-Germain, an ascended master, has constantly been reminding me, "If it's in your life, even if you don't like it, you put it there. You're deriving some BENEFIT from it--it's serving you in some way. You've allowed it, you've adopted it--otherwise it would not be in your life."

I came into this life expression, determined to explore and understand the benefit of being, playing the victim. I began my study of the subject of the Sexual Energy Virus in Consciousness in the most obvious way by being a victim of sexual molestation when I was young. Click this link to read that story--Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction.

But that was only the tip of the Victim iceberg. We can be the victims of many things in many ways. I can be the victim of a disease, an accident, a family or intimate relationship, a business or government or school relationship, a spiritual or religious relationship. I can pick any subject or tangent, and I can play a victim role in it--if I choose, if I am RADIATING out from my single point of conscious awareness that I am a VICTIM in my life.

The past is only an insubstantial memory stream running through my human mind--it doesn't have to take form, it doesn't have to affect my PRESENT moment at all. It only stays in my presence NOW because I insist on dwelling on it, building and honing my stories about it, focusing my present attention on it, re-creating it over and over with every emotion-charged breath--instead of simply forgiving myself, and any others, and releasing myself from the story. The past is gone--it's only as real as I MAKE IT IN THIS PRESENT BREATH AND MOMENT.

We're basically little kids playing, "Let's Pretend: You be the Bad Guy this time, and I'll be the Good Guy."

And we take turns playing various roles for each other. The problems arise when we forget that we're playing "Just Pretend"--when we forget that we're not that character-role, that human identity or even personality that we've been playing for so long. We get stuck when we don't CHOOSE to simply let the story go--unconditionally accept and forgive and let go.

For instance, what if the contractor I hired to roof my house didn't do as he promised? What if what seemed like a really good deal turned out to be a pain in the ass? What if he messed up some things, and I had to do it myself in order to get it done properly? What if he didn't return to finish the job, in a timely manner, that he'd started--and all of this after I'd already paid him out of the kindness of my heart because he gave me a pitiful story of needing the money right then? What if he finally finishes the job months, and many rains, later--but he's mad at me for hounding him? What if two years down the road, I discover water soaking into my ceilings because of a roof leak due to improper roofing? How do I fix this? Is there ever going to be a solution, an end to the matter that doesn't take up so much of my time and energy?

But we keep identifying with, and holding onto memories of what happened yesterday instead of starting fresh, clear, and new in the NOW. We build the story even bigger in our minds by worrying--which is emotionally-charged fear. We get so caught up in the mental stream of dramatic, worst-case scenarios that we close off our windows of clarity to the extent that we can't even imagine the very real potential of having an intact roof without any effort. If you can't perceive or even open up your consciousness to seeing that potential--you're not going CHOOSE to manifest it. Creators of their realities make CHOICES. You're CHOOSING to stay in that mess until you CHOOSE to let it, and yourself, go free.

Instead of FORGIVING ONESELF--which is simply saying and realizing that that was NOT ME! I played, for a time, the role of a Little Human Victim--but that role is NOT who I am! I was playing "Let's Pretend!--Let's pretend I'm the kind-hearted victim with a leaky roof, and let's pretend you're the  Big Bad Roofer."

In the first place, there is a prevalent mass consciousness BELIEF, suggestion, that contractors are never on time, that they will cut corners if you're not monitoring them closely, and that you shouldn't pay them a dime until the work is done to your complete satisfaction. Well, we're all imperfect humans, and yet we strive to force perfection from ourselves and others--isn't that ironic?

So what happens if you don't heed those mass consciousness warnings, yet you feel self-doubtful about that choice? What happens when you feel you maybe made a "WRONG" choice? What happens when you're feeling all that DOUBT about YOURSELF, and then you hire the roofers because they're available and you need the work done right away, and then you pay them before they're done?

Well, if you're like most of us humans--the first thing you feel, after DOUBTING YOURSELF, is GUILT and SHAME at being a "stupid human." And then you tell everyone you come in contact with about your "bad contractor and your sorry roof situation." You commiserate with other humans. You share your anger and your misery and self-flagellation with others. You RADIATE that "I am a Guilty Victim" consciousness. YOU GET MORE PLAY out of the story--and playtime can be fun on some level, right?

After awhile, though, your head and body poundingly aches from the tension of all that inner turmoil, you're feeling awfully nauseated and dizzy and confused on that Merry-Go-Round amusement park ride, and you find yourself screaming at the ride operator, "Shut this damn thing off! Let me off!!!"...Ahem...YOU ARE THE RIDE OPERATOR and CREATOR. Only you can stop it.

You continue to walk around feeling like a powerless fool without any solution in sight except one that's going to cost you a whole lot of energy, effort, time and money to fix. You get stuck in a vicious circling mind trap.

You're RADIATING out SELF-DOUBT: "I am a powerless, foolish VICTIM--and no way can I TRUST MYSELF!" And all the energies in service to you match that, ray for ray.

You've got a protective armor on--if you close your eyes and feel into yourself, you'll become aware of clenching your jaw, a tightness and roiling in your stomach and/or chest, and a slump in your posture. You're pulled in tight into a fetal ball, trying to protect yourself from any more painful blows. You're just trying to survive in this harsh and cruel reality.

That protective armor you're sporting, and those walls you've erected around yourself are what keep the energies (in service to you) hammering at you. DROP THE BARRIERS! 

If you take the SELF-COMPASSIONATE time to close your eyes, take deep down into your belly breaths, and HONESTLY FEEL into yourself--allow yourself to experience the entire ordeal fully, to observe yourself feeling the spectrum of anger and sadness and guilt to TOTAL FORGIVENESS, the energies will serve you with ease and grace.

Laugh at the wonderful story you created for yourself! Allow yourself to admit to the benefit you're getting from the story--why you're allowing yourself to play this victim.

Remember that no matter what stories play out here on the surface of things, we all UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE and accept oneself and each other. We're just role-playing together, and we act out each other's scripts, out of love. "Always, I exist!"... Nothing else matters...

When I FEELINGLY go to that peaceful gray-mist void, that place beyond TIME and SPACE, where I'm just simple awareness--no human body or story, it's like letting my computer's built-in virus protection take over. I shut off my old virus-infected computer, let it all go in forgiveness--none of it really matters. It was just an experience for my soul. 

Then I hit RESTART from that simple "I am that I am--I exist!" awareness where I have no past story--and it's all brand new and as easy as I choose life to be. From that peaceful "I exist" awareness, I see potentials of ease and grace to CHOOSE that I couldn't perceive when in the muck of the fight.

You just have to consciously CHOOSE to allow yourself to be in, and RECEIVE a life of ease and grace--NO LIMITATIONS. You deserve it! Breathe deeply and open yourself up consciously--drop the guarding walls around your energy field. You don't have to figure out a thing. You don't have to fix anything. Just let go of that story from the past--it's a mental stream of consciousness that you can simply step out of by realizing you exist, no matter what, and that was just a drama play-act you created, and that only you can RELEASE yourself from. Step off that stage.

Dont' worry.  Don't think.  Don't analyze.  Don't judge.

You're actually opening up your field of energy to ALLOW it to flow it all through you without judgment and mental analysis of the story and characters--this is what your soul does. The details don't matter. The old structure has nothing to stick to in your body of consciousness anymore--so it passes on through. Our  Little Human minds have been programmed through many lifetimes to try to be in control, and they're constantly monitoring us and telling us what's appropriate to feel and think--based solely on the Little Human's JUDGMENT of PAST experiences.

Our SOULS do not JUDGE:  And therein, lies the key to one's FREEDOM! I've had to tell my human mind to shut up because it wants to keep me playing the Victim.

You see, the Victim is such an easy way to relate, to converse with each other. Look how often we complain--commiserate--about the weather, our bodies, a virus, the government, business, our families, dramas and tragedies.

We use the Victim as a means to try to fit in with the rest of the world--and it's more than willing to accommodate us.

I don't talk as much when I'm not playing Victim. Does that mean I don't converse with others as easily? No. My sense of humor has improved drastically.

Probably the most insidious victim role for me has been with me and my husband--and we constantly trade off Victim/Abuser roles with each other. When you live with someone for so long in the old consciousness, you get comfortable playing an old identity--"This is how I am, and that is how you are. That's just the way we are. That's just the way it is."

I've had to constantly take a breather and remind myself over the years, and even in recent days, that what my husband chooses or does, DOES NOT HAVE TO AFFECT ME!  I got bizarrely comfortable in what is really a miserable mediocrity for both of us, all because it was familiar and maybe a little less scary than completely accepting responsibility for myself and my own well-being first. I didn't trust myself to provide a decent house for myself. I used to feel a lot of SELF-DOUBT BARRIERS go up when I contemplated getting my own car and home, and I caught myself trying to figure out how to get them. As a result, I mentally and emotionally pressured myself into that protective fetal ball--I barricaded myself in--and I created nothing but more angst and strife, and no house or car of my own. And my husband could never love me enough or do things quite up to my expectations.

I finally realized that TRUE LOVE MAKES CONSCIOUS CHOICES TO CHANGE, instead of feeding sucky stories for one another. Ours is not a physically abusive relationship--if it was, I'd leave. Instead, I speak up and point out that we're feeding off each other, it doesn't matter who's doing which--who's providing the energy and who's feeding off it.

Because my husband is only following my script for him, his act won't change until I quit owning, and identifying with, our past story. Our act together won't change until I FORGIVE myself, thus, naturally, him also: "That wasn't me! That wasn't him! We were just role-playing together."

It's time to let go of my old stories--to let go of feeling so guilty and ashamed of myself. It's up to me to CHOOSE to DROP MY PROTECTIVE BARRIERS based in the past, and consciously open myself up to receiving and living a life of joyful abundance, ease and grace. Nothing changes if I don't allow FREEDOM first for me. I can see then, how I then allow him his own freedom--it happens naturally.

I've realized that enjoying my life means I can let go of trying to figure out how to get what I want. I'm no longer limiting my potentials of CHOICE with expectations based on my past experiences. I remember that simple moment of self-awareness in a gray mist: "I am...I am!...I exist!" --and it all falls away, and opens up brand new...

I then see the colors, feel the textures, smell the aromas, hear the songs, the tactile, sensual beauty that is the Gift of Infinite Experience in a human form, on this beloved Earth, for that singular Spark of Divinity that I am. I zing with the passion of my abundant beingness. I have never lacked for anything...ever. I was a victim of living out a mediocre life simply because I chose it. No harm, no foul. I was enjoying the play...

And now I'm done with that act...

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The True "Word of God" is Written Upon YOUR Heart

The true "Word of God"--the expression of God--is written upon each individuals heart.

It's not that corrupted literal book written and translated over and over again by men and women who weren't so pure of heart, and who used it to maintain power and control over others--to energetically feed off others--people who ALLOWED them to do so. 

That game of "Victims and Perpetrators" is a result  of the Sexual Energy Virus in consciousness. Those using that book titled, "The Holy Bible" as the "Word of God" to instill fear, thus feed off people, are still deeply asleep and hypnotized in a belief system--no way would I follow them. They aren't masters, and what they're serving--I wouldn't eat if my life depended on it. Back in the days when I did--they helped me pave a way to living a literal Hell on Earth. I'm done with Hell.

Yes, there are beautiful and inspiring stories in the Christian Holy Bible--I've read it entirely. I read through it like any other novel, and then I set it aside, and when I had questions or struggles with some concept or idea, I let it go--and I got outside in nature, and I walked alone. Revelations of certain passages and stories came to me seemingly out of the blue, but with a tingling and freeing warmth of pure untainted awareness. But this same thing happens when I read novels of any kind. I would not participate in Bible studies with anyone else--it departs too quickly into attempting to mentally control myself and others. I don't study literal words on paper because sometimes words get so twisted by the author's and the reader's biases and personal perceptions, and by mentally complicating things, that true clarity is lost.

Somewhere in those thousands of pages is the warning about listening to false teachers and prophets--that they'd be pointing and telling us, "Jesus Christ is over here! Jesus Christ is over there!" Those false teachers would have us looking for some superhuman, god-like being to worship who was going to show up somewhere in the world outside of oneself, and he'd only save those who believed in him. The rest were doomed--too bad, so sad...

Christ didn't return anywhere outside of me in the form of a man named Jesus--my experience of the coming of Christ was my own increasing clarity of conscious awareness. All I did to get it, was to ask for clarity. I CHOSE CLARITY. The Christ seed--that Divine spark of God is, and always has been, within me--and I finally see it and feel it. And that feels a whole lot more graceful, forgiving, all-accepting and merciful and wise than all that religious nonsense I bought into for a time. It FREED me from all those power and control games from my past--and I'm passionately excited about living a more joyfully abundant, yet benevolent, life than any I've lived before.

I read  passages in those scriptures that said that we were always to rely on the teacher within one's own heart, especially if others outside of me were spouting JUDGMENTS and PREJUDICES and IDEAS that didn't resonate within my heart. Here's what resonates within my heart:

We are ALL Children of God and Goddess/The First Source--and no one is more or less deserving than another--PERIOD!

I'm pissed at hearing self-righteous Christians making judgments that they were advised by their Jesus in their own Holy Bible NOT to do! What happened to "Love thy neighbor as thyself"? That assumes that I actually love myself first--but that's another scripture that's been screwed with up to the point where it's being taught, and believed, that it's wrong and selfish to love and put oneself first. Well, if you appreciate the wonder and value of your own existence, if you're loving yourself first and then naturally, and more easily, loving ALL OTHERS--those energy feeding fire and brimstone preaching fanatics CAN'T FEED OFF OF YOUR FEAR! Their dark and devil filled illusion-worlds will disintegrate if they can't find someone (a victim) who allows them to prey off the guilt- and fear-instilling conspiracies they're dishing out with such gusto.

I've been hearing so damn many crap suggestions urging people to judge other fellow human beings as being abominations because of their culture, religion, race or sexual orientation according some perverse idea of what some book says--a distorted idea of what "The Word of God" is--that I'm fed up to the point of just leaving and letting those choosing that old tiresome game to rip and blow themselves and their individual worlds apart like they obviously want to. They aren't looking for solutions--they want lots of drama and trauma and tragedy and "poor pitiful me" stories instead. They want to feed off the fear of others. They don't want freedom--they want POWER and control. It's pure insane superstitious nonsense, and so archaic that it astounds me that I'm still hearing it as often as I do. They supposedly love the misguided and unrighteous beings, and are leaving all that judging stuff up to their JUDGING God who's going to let the "bad" people fry in eternal hell if they don't shape up and conform--"repent." Those deep-asleep in a hypnosis Little Humans can keep their brand of warped love, thank you very much.

None of it matters to me--not really. I just have my days when I let it affect me more than others--but I am aware of that act, and I do step clear of it. Today, I just decided to let myself freely express on the subject. I know I'm not the only one with clarity--it's just that sometimes I get tired of the noisiness of all those old consciousness aspects. I feel inundated by it.

A judging and cruel Creator does NOT resonate with my heart. Judgment doesn't resonate at all--and I'm done trying to worship any god who sits in judgment.

The more consciously aware--clear--that I've become, the more benevolent, compassionate, and unconditionally loving/forgiving I've become. All my judging ways are falling to the wayside. Others can continue on in the individuals choice of whether or not to judge--but I choose to remove my presence from those situations. I've had more than my fill of those experiences, and I'm done playing judging games.

You don't have to go through a bunch of trauma and drama and guilt and shame to awaken and have more clarity. You just choose CLARITY--and then quit thinking about it and quit trying to figure out what's right or wrong--quit studying LITERAL WORDS of judgmental Little Humans. Go enjoy the GIFT that is YOUR OWN LIFE, your own existence. Clarity on whatever subject matter reveals itself at the most appropriate moment in your life. You can't plan for it or think it into being--and there's NO WRONG WAY.

Don't let yourself be convinced of having done something wrong--EVER! Blind, deep asleep Little Humans commit the dark acts--Awakened, clear and aware humans who've realized their own "I am that I am" within themselves don't. I was once blind and deeply asleep, too--and that Little Human did stuff she wished she could undo. But I love her, and I forgive her, and release her from all judgment, because she was blind and afraid, and we do some awful stuff when we feel trapped and powerless over our own lives. I gained a great deal of compassionate wisdom from the experiences of that blind human--so much so, that any attempt to judge her seems absurd now. It's pretty much synonymous with Jesus's/Yeshua's parable about the Prodigal Son.

In the Prodigal Son parable in that book, The New Testament of the Holy Bible, after the son tired of the Blind Little Human game, he returned to his home--his Divine Source, his father--and his father didn't judge him, or even chastise him, for all his waywardness. Instead, he threw the grandest feast in honor of his son's return. I think of it as his son's return to the Light of God within himself. His brother--a fellow, Blind Little Human (he was a "do-gooder who believed you had to earn your way to Heaven") tried to convince their father to judge him, but the father adamantly refused to even go there with him.

Revelation=Clarity

Revelation is what happens when you take a bottle of window cleaner and a rag to a murky, soot and mud-covered window--one that's so dirty you can hardly see any light behind it. Once you begin to wash it, things NATURALLY lighten up, you start to see through it more clearly, and potentials are REVEALED that you couldn't see before because of the previous encrusted grime. You can't choose that which you cannot perceive, but you can choose clarity--and that's where it starts. With clarity comes the revealing of new seeming potential choices. Those potentials always existed, you just couldn't see them before. It's as simple as that.

Just so you know--in the words written upon my heart--Heaven, joyful abundance in life is possible for every single being when each one chooses it. There is no judgment and there are no conditions. If there is a condition, it would be complete forgiveness and acceptance of self first, and then all others. That is completely releasing oneself from the past, and letting go of all personality and identity stories--back into the simple grace of "I am, I exist! I am that I am..."

Your World, Your Life changes when you put the "I am that I am" at the forefront of your NOW and Present Moment consciousness simply by feeling into the FREEDOM of no definition--all that matters is that "I exist! I exist!!"


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