The "Follow" Button Makes Me Cringe

A couple of the big social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have "Follow" buttons to connect their users, and, intuitively, I just have never liked that button. It rubs me the wrong way when it comes to my sovereignty and that of the rest of humanity, most of whom don't remember that they are unique and sovereign individuals. Following keeps everyone in the Mass Consciousness Zoo loop--a type of hypnosis....and we are each and all SO MUCH MORE....

If you follow anyone other than your own soul or divinity within, you are going to experience betrayal.

On purpose, we shut down our ability to remember that we all are divine creator beings who are here essentially to experience our own creations and learn how our personal energy fields serve us. In the realms prior to Earth, our creations were instantaneous and existed only in the moment--we had no memory, no basis from which to discover how we got what we got. 

The grand Earth experience allowed us to lower our vibrations into a limited spectrum of creation where we could experience the contrasts of duality. Thus, we each have a brain with two hemispheres. One half is feminine and intuitive and knows it's connected to All That Is. The other half is masculine and logical and knows it's a separate and souled being--a sovereign individual. 

Also, the experience of linearity here on Earth helped us have a sequential, cause-effect type of relationship with our creations, and those entertaining "story lines" which had a past, a present and a future, greatly increased our understanding of ourselves.

We basically programmed ourselves to believe we are just Little Humans. That someone or some other entity outside of us knows us better than we do ourselves: 

Either we're sinners who need to suffer having our inherent wrongness punished and honed out of us, or we're humans littering our beloved planet by simply existing because someone thinks we're overpopulating it and there won't be enough resources for everyone to survive.

As a kid, I remember playing a game called "Follow the Leader." One person was picked as the leader, or proclaimed themselves so, and everyone had to step in the same steps of the leader and do all the actions he did. 

"Simon Says" was another game where one person played Simon. Woe to you if you jumped when the person told you to jump without them saying, "Simon says, 'Jump!'" You had to go to the back and start all over again.

I know it feels safer to just lay low and to follow someone else's lead. I've been there and done all of that. The thing is, all those other people I followed eventually disappointed me in some way, and I'd eventually drop them and return to me--my own truths and realizations that resonated solely/soul-y with me.

I idolized my sister. She was confident and at ease in large groups, popular in school--a homecoming queen. Basically she was everything I longed to be, but just wasn't. I was shy, large groups of strangers made me queasy, and I had difficulty completing my sentences. I would later realize all of that was because I was pretty highly sensitive in the empathy department, and the bombardment of all the emoted energies from the world around me just rendered me speechless, especially when I felt put on the spot.

I so wanted to be like her. I was in third grade, following her and our cousin around the county fair, when, for a lark, the two of them jumped onto the moving Merry-Go-Round and rode it a short distance before jumping back off. I followed suit, but I didn't jump off soon enough. The ride operator spotted me and chewed me out. 

I felt so awfully ashamed--I actually carried the guilt of that moment well into my adulthood. It's finally been released where now it makes for a silly story that makes me laugh at myself and the memory of what a conundrum it often was to be a young human trying to learn the ropes of how to be and do in this world. You see, I just wanted to belong.

Humans long for the fellowship of being a part of a twosome or a group.

Being a follower has pretty much ultimately backfired on me every single time. I had to start looking at all those experiences of following this group or that person as stepping stones that betrayed me at a certain point so I'd always end up turning back to myself for all my own answers. Their failing me helped me remember who I really am.

I often hear of people joining a church or some type of spiritual group just to have the fellowship and to have a sense of belonging.

I observe people joining political parties or other causes in order to have that same sense. Back in the nineties, I discovered politics was not my passion, whatsoever. It seemed to focus on a few individuals, who didn't know me at all, asking me to vote for them so they could negotiate and compromise me into giving my own sovereignty away. Needless to say, I don't vote because I'm the best representative for myself, and I know I trust myself to do my best and I choose to do no harm. Imagine my lack of surprise when it came out that elections could be rigged.

I don't like someone else thinking for me or taking care of me. God, I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say, "The government needs to take care of ill or handicapped people." Yep, we all experienced first hand with the whole CO-VID crisis how well the governments around the world served their people. Proper medical care and Do No Harm oaths were thrown to the wayside in order to get more power and money for their various agencies and institutions. Mandated vaccinations and fresh-air-restricting facemasks??? People telling someone else how to be and what they should be doing? What the hell, people?  

As for you--the ones I see driving by, alone in your car with a face mask on, looking like a robber headed for a bank heist....Wake the fricken up already!!!

Plus, everyone knows most of the medical and insurance systems are monstrous power and control entities, too, bilking people out of finances way out of proportion to the services actually provided. More people die of the barbaric treatments used in too many diseases than are actually cured completely. I've heard all the insurance stories where the company refuses to pay out, yet everyone still jumps on the old insurance bandwagon, and I continue to hear the same old insane tragic victim of insurance stories over and over and over again.

There are better ways and they can come in, but, my beloved friends, we have to open ourselves up to allowing them to come in, instead of hanging onto dysfunctional systems that obviously don't really work. I'm convinced that people like getting fucked over just to have something to commiserate over and talk about over beers. I think they're just wanting to belong, too.

It borders on--no, it embraces the ridiculous. I look back on the last few years--we all experienced tragic losses of loved ones and friends--and I watched people just let someone else take responsibility for them, even to their deaths....

But that's what we can expect to get when we identify oneself as being a follower instead of a self-sovereign. Common sense tells me that, as an adult, I shouldn't expect someone else to take care of me....

If I'm handicapped in some manner, I most likely chose that experience on the other side of the Veil, or it's Karma helping me to balance something out from other lifetimes. Either way, I put myself in that situation for a purpose probably greater than the Little Human's limited understanding. I'm going to need my soul's eyes, or viewpoint, to help me see the bigger picture.

So, once again, choosing to take complete responsibility for me in all my situations--seeing myself as a Divine soul in a human costume--opens me to so many more potential solutions than choosing to continue playing out the victim role through all of it. 

You can be an amazing light in your world, but soliciting pity can only go so far. Open up to hope....and your own imagination....obviously, when you put yourself into that handicapped role you weren't concerned about belonging or fitting in with the rest of the world. You're no follower...

As for that "Follow" button:

MeWe has a platform similar to Facebook, but without all the conspiratorial fact-checking agenda and promotion of the fighting dysfunction. People with differing viewpoints are all pretty much allowed their say, as long as it isn't violent or inciteful or hacking. They don't allow ad-infestations, censoring, or privacy-invading B.S. Most importantly to me, they don't have a "Follow" button--and I really appreciate that. 

I left Facebook two years ago when people I had thought of as friends turned out to be "fact-checking" nightmares. I witnessed, firsthand, the conquering of a nation by getting the people to fight amongst themselves, tearing apart families and friendships based on political views and nonsense--basically a bunch of sheep following some self-proclaimed, know-it-all leader. To be a part of reactive "mob rule" where everyone is feeling like the victim of some outer entity is to act on insanity, not self-sovereignty.

I KNOW we are all so much more than that, and that everyone is capable of thinking and speaking for themselves....especially when you get quiet and spend some quality time alone with yourself so you can hear and feel your own soul speak. So I moved to MeWe. Unfortunately, most of my friends and family didn't come along, and they don't know what they are missing....

I was not an active Twitter user and thought I'd deactivated my old account prior to leaving Facebook, but evidently didn't get it done properly. I decided to rejoin (though tweeting isn't really my thing) when Elon Musk bought Twitter, and I saw that he was allowing their previously corrupt censoring and banning practices to be revealed. That is, to me, a step in the right direction. There is a certain power-loving contingent that obviously isn't happy with that and is trying to get him to step down from running his own company, but I have a sense that bunch will just be shooting themselves in the behind (as it should be) when it's all said and done.

While Elon Musk has done us a service, and I applaud his imagination and creativity and his ability to manifest financial abundance by doing the things he's passionate about--we can each and all thank him graciously for his service--but don't literally follow him or anyone else. Go ahead, push the "Follow" button and enjoy whatever tweets and posts you like....and....remember:

Honor what he and other freedom-honoring souls have done by assuming your own freedom and sovereignty. Learn what it is about and put it into your daily practice, and you'll no longer play the role of Victim. Well, you can play it if that's the experience you want to have, but you'll no longer feel stuck in that role--or any other--for the rest of your human life.

So, what is sovereignty? Let's start by looking and feeling into its contrast--limited freedom, servitude, slavery, answering to someone else. We know all about these, don't we? And we release them with ease by appreciating the wisdom we gained from having such limiting experiences. Even our physical bodies are a limitation to our freedom, from which we discovered so much about ourselves. 

When something has been taken away, we don't take it for granted the next time around, and we appreciate it all the more simply because we understand it so much more....

Sovereignty means basically "to rule over." So self-sovereignty means I accept total responsibility for all that I am, all that I create, all that I perceive, and all my experiences. I am not the victim of anyone or anything--except myself and my own blindness to who I really am....

And....sovereign creators give their creations their own freedom just as our Eternal Source did with us....no trying to control, fix, or manipulate....because, somehow, we know it will ultimately all work out and find its natural state of balance if we just keep our sticky fingers out of it.

I am, you are, we all are meant to ultimately be free and to be the sovereign of our own life right here, right now.... 

Don't wait for someone else to give it to you--that's just not going to happen.... 

Hope and Mercy for Those Longing for a Do-over

I was out shoveling snow yesterday when I was taken back to a time nearly 26 years ago. It was midnight, and I was shoveling snow from around our car parked in the neighboring church parking lot. It was quiet in our neighborhood in the city. With every scrunchy-crunch scoop of snow, tears were pouring out, sobs shook me to my core. I was allowing memories I had planned to take to the grave. No one could ever know my secret....

A person who had molested me when I was a child had come forward several years earlier and apologized to me, asked me for my forgiveness. At the time, I quickly gave them the forgiveness they sought from me, but I was still in a place of not really wanting to go there. I had convinced myself it had been just a dream, and so I did what I had to do in that moment and then I crammed that whole story deep-down inside in hopes I would completely forget it ever happened.

But I'd buried that old story within my body of consciousness. It was still looping around within me, affecting the way I walked through my life, affecting all of my relationships. Especially the relationship I had with myself. I carried a backpack of guilt, shame and self-doubt around on my shoulders. 

And because I was still holding onto it, trying to handle it from a Little Human just trying to survive in a cruel world perspective, the burden was taking its toll on me emotionally and physically, and spiritually. It was energy that needed to be released so it could be neutralized, returned to point zero. I needed to set myself free.... And that is what began to happen that fateful night.

A new friendship at the time had triggered the memories. She had shared with me that she'd been the victim of molestation. No way in hell was I going to admit to having an experience of my own in that area. But the lid had been cracked, a bit of light had found its way into the dark.

Why am I bringing this up all over again? God knows, I've written this story out so often that even I'm bored with it. However, one thing has stood out for me from the memories of that night:

As I shoveled that snow around, all the remorse, the terror of someone finding out, the never-ending self-punishment worse than anyone outside of me could have doled out, the yearning to have a do-over but feeling it wasn't possible, aching to never have done what I did--

it was all from the perspective of my molester....

After feeling all of that through that night and asking myself why this awful thing happened, I knew--without any doubt--that it was for a greater purpose, and that the two of us had planned this on the other side of the Veil of Forgetting who we really are. We had made an agreement to play the roles. I knew I needed to find that person and let them know that I truly forgave them this time. That there was an actual purpose greater than ourselves....

Here I am, many years later, writing about something I once felt would be the end of me if it ever came out.

Our entire planet is ascending out of an age of very old and very limited consciousness where most of humanity believed it was Survival of the Fittest on an Earth of very limited resources. 

Our population is growing, and there has long been an element within our society that believes there isn't enough for all to live abundantly. 

And because of that fear driving them, they have been up to some horrific shenanigans, all of which is leaking out more and more, and it can no longer be controlled, managed, contained. With the technology available today, there can be no more secrets....and for those who have been up to no good, the lid is cracked and light is pouring into the dark places where you tried to hide your worst decisions....

And all that makes for some really desperate villains on a path they wished they'd never taken....

And frankly, I'd rather those people take a time-out alone with themselves, allowing the light and wisdom of their own souls in, right here, right now. 

It's never too late....

Just because you chose that path yesterday does not mean you have to continue on it. You can step off it, start a fresh path and use all the wisdom gained from your worst moments to bring some mercy and light into the hearts and places that need it the most. You can truly be a gift to your world, starting right now....but you have to invite your divinity into guiding you into living a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Let your own soul be your guide....

Take some good deep breaths in a safe and sacred space. You have to lay down your weapons, discard your armor. Open up. Be merciful, and do it alone with yourself first. Shout your anger, cry your tears, feel your sadness and your sorrows....feel into and through everything you've feared and tried to avoid....

Invite in your divinity and all the wisdom gained from its human costume experiences. It's all right there within you....and the changes all happen within you first. Little by little, you'll know what to be and do from there.... 

The all-alone Little Human can't forgive. True forgiveness comes from the Soul that sees--and feels--all from a much greater perspective....as I did that night so long ago....

To be human means we're going to be imperfect, we're going to have regrets and long for impossible-seeming do-overs....but that can only truly happen by allowing the broad viewpoint of the soul into your human life....ask for it.

No one cares to hear our excuses or rationalizations for that crap we've done. I had to forgive myself, and to do that I had to be honest with myself first and foremost. I had to surrender trying to control the narrative within myself.

Granted, some of you deserve to be put in prison--for life....and....you can still shine a light from there, too. It's needed in those places, too....especially so....

I am writing this all from my soul's perspective. 

I see myself as the sole creator, experiencer and perceiver of my own world. Like a virtual reality game, the energy field around and within me, belongs to and is in service only to myself; and its manifestation is dependent upon how limited the consciousness is that I radiate out. If I feel I am a Little Human puppet on the string of some other being and stuck in a frightening and cruel world where I'm just going through motions, trying to survive, trying to have enough--well, that's the kind of world I get to experience.

....and....I KNOW there is so much more to me, to you, to all of us....and that we are ALL here helping to build a bridge out of that old barbaric perception into a world more merciful, graceful, more authentically aligned with who we all truly are....

Visionaries Are Realists, too

To have a vision means you can see possibilities not yet notably in play in your outer world....but....

if you're seeing it, it IS already happening WITHIN you....

That seed of possibility is sprouting into life....

I can't count the number of times I've been in conversations where the participants resisted being open to other possibilities--especially hopeful ones. People like to commiserate over perceived wrongs in the world for some odd reason, and they seldom go to the extent of offering up solutions to the problem, much less acting on them.

I'd throw in some idea of a potential outcome that wasn't loaded with doom and gloom, and it would often get poo-pooed as being unrealistic. "Penny, that's just not gonna happen. That's just not the way people are. You're just dreaming."

And then we all go our separate ways, dragging with the burden of "that's just the way it is." Well, maybe not me....

The Dream: Me, a Crane, a Duck and a Chicken

One morning in late August of 2005, I was packing for a trip home to visit my sister and brothers in South and North Dakota.

My husband, just waking up, says, "Pen, I had a dream, and I was so mad at you. You were on the Big Hill operating this huge crane that you had no idea how to run, and the arm was flying every which way, smashing the barn--everything--to pieces. You mortally wounded a duck and a chicken--I was so mad at you." 

My husband seemed to have a lot of dreams where I made him mad. Ha-Ha!

I remembered this particular dream because the symbolism of the duck and chicken was so amusingly obvious to me. The duck represented avoidance, and the chicken represented fear. This dream took place two years after my dad's death, when I'd pretty much come fully awake to the idea that I was, we humans were, so much more than the stories and identities we played out together. I was diving into the things I feared most (like losing loved ones to death) and finally facing my own demons within--things I had avoided for fear of not looking so good. 

The chicken and the duck were definitely goners in my world....and....yeah, things got messy because I was going beyond the mental and stepping out of the box into the intuitive--my mind had no idea what I was doing. I was just feeling my way through things. Linearity, cause-effect, and organization were being replaced by quantum dynamics. Like the swinging, out-of-control-appearing arm of the crane--life was coming to me from all different directions, within and without....and the old life was coming apart at the seams....

What does being realistic about life look like?

Is it being realistic to expect someone like a distant politician or a celebrity--neither of whom knows you from Adam--to really actually give a fig about you? Most of the time, they are more concerned with their image of caring and being intelligent and "in the right" than what is happening with Joe and Jane Doe.

Is it realistic to expect even those closest to you--like your family, your parents, your mate, or your children--to be responsible for you after you've reached adulthood? Do you want someone sacrificing living their own best life in order to take care of you? Do you want to let even a loved one choose for you how your life unfolds? Or do you want to be sovereign over your own life?

Is it realistic to expect systems of belief (often driven these days by making profits first or getting power and control over the masses) like businesses, governments, religions, sciences, the media, to know what is best for you, a unique individual--and, more importantly, as I see it--the perceiver and creator of your own realities? Do you really want someone to tell you what to do and how to be? Isn't that rather boring? Isn't it suffocating?

Are you so afraid of who you might be and what you might do that you'll accept whatever limitations someone else doles out? Then keep those metaphorical and literal masks on and keep breathing that stale, vision-squelching air. That's your choice.

I've been allowing the ripping off of those stifling layers of so-called, status quo "protections" for many years now, and my life has gotten way more interesting. I flow much easier than those days when I lived in fear of being and doing wrong, terrified of the next shoe dropping.

Let's get "Real" and sow Seeds of Possibility starting with our daily conversations together....

Of course, an idea can't become real if it isn't even placed into awareness that it has a potential of being....you've got to talk about it.

But before you can talk about a new concept you have to be open and flexible, willing to shift your awareness around to include other points of view. I realized I had to let go of a need to always be right, no matter the cost. I had to allow myself to imagine and feel into other perspectives--something that's not hard to do if I let myself quit identifying with being a certain way. 

One of the worst cop-outs I hear is when someone says to me, "This is just how I am." I feel all energies of an open exchange just drop to nil. All it does is tell me they are unwilling to consider other potentials, so I'm inclined to tune them out, not listen to them or waste my breath.

It does the whole show a great service when the actor can not only convincingly perform his role in relationship with the other cast members, but is also able to view the entire performance as a member of the audience, as the director, as the writer. And as the producer and the financier--as the one who actually invests her energies into its manifestation or real-ization.

Walking out in nature or doing anything involving water, on my own, is often when inspiration strikes....

To allow new concepts to come into my awareness, I discovered I had to literally open myself up--that's it. Just take some deep-into-me breaths, close my eyes, RELAX, and open up my sense of being--the field of energies within and around me....to something other than what I had going....

I literally let go of hanging onto the worries and their stories cycling around in my head and body. I let go of my identity as Penny. I just set them all aside and go to that place where I am nothing but a simple pinpoint of awareness that only knows it exists....

The ideas for the posts I write often come when I am out walking or gardening. Often I get ah-ha's while in or near water--while in the bathroom (bathing or otherwise, if you know what I mean) or while washing dishes or watering plants. Cleaning and getting rid of stuff also has a tendency to make room for new things to flow into my awareness. Sometimes it happens when I'm relaxed and napping with a cat or two or more on my lap or chest. I think of all of it as simply acting out allowing my energies to flow....

At first it felt very vulnerable--to be all open to just anything. I wasn't used to laying it all out there on the table for everyone to see. But then, one by one, the burdens and layers of protection I had hauled around most of my life began to fall away--just because I decided to take another look at things I had tried so hard to bury away within myself. Away from the possible judgment and condemnation of others, as well.

Only this time, I did it choosing to have self-compassion and giving myself the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't out to rationalize or excuse away my actions of the past--I just allowed myself to be honest about how I perceived and felt about myself and life at that specific period in my life. Always--the worst things I felt I'd done, when I looked back, I realized I'd done so out of a very limited idea of who I was and what my life was about. I thought some other god out there in the ethers was controlling my life. Limited awareness brings in limited experiences--and limited reactions to those experiences.

"Are you unpoopular?...Do you pop out at parties?"

Lucy Ricardo's iconic, messed up lines after several botched takes (and several spoon-fulls of product) for a commercial promoting the Vitameatavegamin elixir, the content of which was mostly alcohol, actually pretty much fits me these days. I'm generally more "unpoopular" than popular.

For instance, when in the midst of people discussing politics and I drop in with choosing to be sovereign and not playing the game at all--I kind of lose popularity. There's generally an uncomfortable halt in the conversation, eyes looking anywhere but at me, and then the interaction continues on as if I didn't say a word.

When people are commiserating over the grimness in the world and how bad it is out there and how bad it's going to get, and I "pop up" with the idea that it may well be a chaotic mess out there....and....it's just all the old being shaken up and cleared out for something new, possibly even freer, for everyone--well, things get quiet for a moment then, too. Then off it all goes back to focusing on all that's dramatic and "wrong" out there.

People don't like me throwing out a bit of sunshine on their rainy parades. And they don't like being reminded that if it's in your life, you--and only you--put it all there, just as it is. No matter what the issue is: health, politics, government, finances, education, medicine, religion, etc. When a person takes full responsibility for putting into play whatever situation they are experiencing it blows those old victimhood conversations apart at their foundations.

Just because it is so now doesn't mean it has to stay that way....

I anticipate the best out of people I meet--I know that potential is within all of us. Do I necessarily get it all the time? No, but that is on that individual, not me....

I'd rather live my life as a hopeful visionary who acts out my best life with better possibilities as my focus--and later discover I was totally wrong--than be a grim perpetuator of the idea of "this reality is all there is....just deal with it."

I will always keep loving and looking for the good in all of us, no matter what....

I know none of us needs a watchdog or babysitter--we're all capable of choosing to DO NO HARM, especially when we're awake to who we truly are....

I will focus my conversations on hope and the very REAL possibility of living out a life more spectacular than the one conceived by my limited Little Human mind--the part of me that could only envision future possibilities based on what happened in the past. I am not my past. I am NOW....

And....I'm going to keep popping out and talking about openness, freedom, sovereignty, and compassionate, all-accepting self-responsibility....even if it makes me unpoopular at parties....

Living My Best Life Makes Laws of Others Obsolete

If every human chose to live their own best life and quietly just went about it, minding their own business and lending a hand when one sees the need, then all those laws on the books, and those making and enforcing them, would be rendered obsolete....bullies and their clattering chatter fade away when they have no one to listen, to intimidate....

And....this is very DOABLE.

We can each do it, one-by-one, on our own....you just CHOOSE it and LIVE IT OUT--no excuses, no whining, no playing the victim....

Leave the money issues out of it. Money is only a means of witnessing or experiencing a Let's Pretend energy exchange--a communication. We each have our own energy field in service to us alone--no one can actually take any of it away from another. We can choose to pretend to have any type of experience here--some with less money, some with more, some in-between. But, ultimately, even if you're experiencing poverty--you, alone, gave yourself that situation. You are radiating out that you are poor so your own energy field is taking form to match its master's command to manifest into an ABUNDANCE of LACK--You da' master!

Throwing money at an issue doesn't necessarily solve it, yet that is what humans do, and what ensues is often complicated B.S....

I still live modestly and I know it's within me to have a more elegant life style....yet, it doesn't matter that much to me or I'd be bringing it in. I could travel more....and....right now, I like my home life with our cats and my own bed. But I have noticed that throughout my life, even when I played out the poverty story with my parents, I've always had a warm home and plenty of food and clothing for my needs of the moment.

My life got much easier and more graceful when I looked at money as an energy to flow rather than to count, hoard and stockpile. When I have traveled in the past, I put it on the one credit card we have and I paid the entire balance of the card off when it came due at the end of the month, as I always do. 

Our mortgage is paid off and that was immensely liberating....and....there will come a day when home mortgages and car payments and insurance are obsolete--when humans realize they are each manifesting what they want to experience, and so are no longer stuck in identities and stories permanently.

It's amazing what happened when I quit worrying about money. I encourage you to pay every bill--with gratitude that you can do so--immediately when it comes due or when you get the statement. Don't use a credit card unless you pay it off in full at the end of each month--the word CREDIT means I don't have the money now. That's the story you radiate out to the energies that serve you. Making small payments on a credit card perpetuates that story of not having enough in the moment at hand.

We have a credit card only because it's a means of safe and convenient money exchange on the internet or when traveling. But I think of it as a checkbook or debit card.

Are you looking for equal opportunity to have whatever experience you choose....or to play victim?

If you want to pretend to be a cat--that's up to you--but I'm not interested in feeding you cat chow, petting you, or cleaning your pee and poop box. You take responsibility for yourself and whatever identity you choose to play out--sovereign masters don't bully others by installing a law to play in your "Let's Pretend" game. These identity laws, my beloved Divine Human brothers and sisters are some of the silly laws being promoted. Just say, "Hell, no!"....and....walk away....

And if you have a penis, use the men's restroom. Those with vaginas--use the women's. Those with both, take your pick. Little kids, go with whichever parent is available to ensure your safety until you're old enough to go in on your own. Common sense....no law necessary....

When I close my eyes and feel into myself--that truly Free Divine Human, Sovereign Master of my own life--all those old fights and struggles, blame, shame, misery, suffering and guilt fall away.... 

"I accept full, compassionate responsibility for my entire life, all my experiences and my perceptions of them--past, NOW, and future...."

I don't need to tell anyone else what they need to fix about themselves or point any blaming fingers at myself or anyone else. When I ignored the noisy "law-makers on all levels" and the mainstream agenda-driven news, none of whom really know me personally, my life got simpler and more graceful. NO ONE has any power over me unless I hand them my sovereignty on a platter.

In the Old Testament of the Christian Holy Bible there is the Book of Judges. It's been many years since I've read it, but what I got from it was that the people of the time didn't want to take responsibility for their own life and how they interacted with others--their neighbors. They actually wanted someone to give them some rules and to handle any of their disagreements with others for them. They chose to have mediators. Thus, came the Judges and the Laws.

Basically, we Divine beings in human vessels limited our awareness even more by choosing that experience....and....we had a purpose in doing so. How else can we explore the meaning and qualities of freedom if we don't have the experience of living it out with its contrast--forms of imprisonment on all levels?

And....that all was So Yesterday....

We are all emerging from that sleepy nap of having been a Little Human blind to the creator beings we all are, and at the whim and mercy of a cruel world littered with outside, other than thyself, gods with a wide spectrum of inconsistent rules and one-sided, imbalanced ideas of justice.

The time has come, the time is now--take up your own INHERENT freedom and sovereignty....and live your best life on your own terms....you won't do any harm if you trust yourself and just decide to do your best....

I think you're worth it, and YOU are the only one capable of doing it....

I wish you all the best....always....

"Once upon a time, I GAVE MYSELF this experience...": I'm Nobody's Victim

Being the creator of my own reality or experiences definitely has its perks.

No matter what story I'm immersed in--whether it's a physical or emotional disease, or a dysfunctional relationship--if it's in my life, I put it there simply to have the experience. When I give it no more meaning other than that, it loses its oomph when I'm done playing in it, and dissolves away. 

I am free and I am the sovereign of my own life--no one else has dominion over me....

When I believe a disease or a bad relationship, or some disaster or tragedy is in my life as some form of punishment doled out by someone or something outside of my body of conscious awareness, then suddenly I'm having to cope with something I have no responsibility for creating, thus I play out the role of being a victim of some circumstance beyond my control. I am at the mercy of someone or something other than myself. I can actually feel myself shrink up into a fetal position when I feel into this perspective. No wonder I used to get the awful and frustrating experiences I got when I had this way of perceiving myself and my life.

Being in a human body is a limited and unnatural state of being for divinity....and....that very limitation is its GIFT to my soul....

In order to have this new viewpoint I had to start seeing myself as spirit or divinity learning who and what it was by lowering its vibration enough to immerse into a biological body so it could play out experiences in an environment of sequences (linearity) and contrasts (duality). 

I think of it as being in a sensual human costume--The Experiencer (I say it and act it out like Arnold Schwarzenegger does The Terminator). And, while in these incredible get-ups, acting out various roles, we play "Let's Pretend" stories out on an amazing and magnificent stage--our beloved Earth.

Much as I think I'd love to dress up more often in costumes just for the fun of it, I don't do it because all the make-up, wigs, and even the clothing can feel so uncomfortable for me--it feels so unnatural and restrictive, itchy.  And that is pretty much how my human body has felt--and it felt the worst when I saw myself as being the victim in a cruel world, at the mercy of someone or something other than myself. I've kind of known that some part of me was free and light enough to fly....

Energies seek to flow and flex--to be without restriction. To be free of its "I'm just a Little Human Puppet" story....We are all so much more....

With this embracing of the idea that I'm a much-loved human gifting its soul with the wisdom its master self distills out from all my TEMPORARY human experiences--well, it changes absolutely everything in my past, in my present, and it opens wide my future possibilities....

Close your eyes, feel into one of your worst experiences, and say, 

"Once upon a time, I GAVE MYSELF this experience...."

This morning, I had the above little tool pop into my awareness as I was feeling into my previous post on the Roundtable Discussions: Practicing Your Own Self-Sovereignty and Embodied Mastery. 

Try it out, see what happens for you....

Roundtable Discussions: Practicing Your Own Self-Sovereignty and Embodied Mastery

"Why are you alive? 

Do you know why, or are you letting others decide for you?"

Lee Harris asked this very provocative question in his recent November, 2022, Energy Update. 

It got me feeling into why I am here and staying, and what is it that I'm wanting to experience in this last lifetime? These are the memories and impressions that have been flowing through my awareness ever since I asked myself what I'm still here for:

My favorite childhood memories are of my family and friends and passers-through sitting around our kitchen table telling stories of their experiences, and there would be so much laughter that I hated having to go to bed, for fear of missing out on something fun.

Then in the early 1990s, when I dived into the conspiracy realms that caused me to read the Christian Bible in search of a spiritual life vest, I would return to my hometown and its local restaurant to sit in a booth with my brothers and sister, my mom and dad, and friends; and we started talking about what I now see were spiritual realizations, near-death experiences, and self-sovereignty ideas, and what those looked like in our individual lives. We discussed books and reading material that definitely wasn't mainstream. I loved those moments! That restaurant is now closed and, along with my parents, one of my dear biological brothers has passed, as have many of the friends with whom I visited there. I was one of the younger ones.

That era morphed into the start of the Millenium, where I discovered channeled entities like the ascended masters: Tobias, Adamus Saint-Germain and Kuthumi Lal Singh. These channeled beings resonated the most harmoniously with me because they all had been in the human form when they had their realizations of who they really were. They had first-hand experience of what I was going through, and I have always loved hearing their personal stories.

I'm done playing the role of Student

I was an A-student in most of my schooling, but I probably wouldn't be so much so these days. I hit burn-out in college while trying to continue learning what others considered facts, so I never earned a degree. I hit a roadblock where regurgitating something a teacher lectured on in front of a classroom got really old and stale and suffocating. The memorization and organizational abilities I once exhibited--qualities that instructors appreciated--suddenly flew out the window. None of what I studied anymore mattered enough to me to even attempt to retain it. I couldn't envision, much less feel, myself in any of the careers I attempted to make myself fit into--a landscape designer, an elementary teacher, a massage therapist.

With that said, while I eagerly participated in, and financially supported, the shouds of the Crimson Circle and resonated so deeply with the ideas and tools they shared to help make life a bit easier to take, I found myself still feeling a bit on the outside looking in. I found they were challenging my sense of self-sovereignty and embodied mastery, not so much in the shouds, but when I would occasionally sign up for one of their workshops or classes. 

The first SES, or sexual energy school workshop offered by Tobias through the Crimson Circle required attendees to submit an application for it, and they wanted "professionals" in that first workshop in order to lend it more credence to the outer world. By no means was I a formally educated expert, but I did have my own profound realizations surrounding the sexual energy virus prior to finding the Crimson Circle. I chose to not even bother applying. Maybe I would have gotten accepted, maybe not. I still haven't done that class, and because of that I can't get into their other deeper workshops.

Someone telling me, "'You're wrong and that's no way to be," rankles the hell out of me.

Then, in the intros to all of the CC classes I did subscribe to, it was firmly stated that this DVD I paid for could not be passed along to others--that it was "Just Wrong" to share it with anyone other than myself. Now that most of the classes are streamed from the Cloud, it's not even an issue--I watch it and forget it's even on my computer--but I've never purchased another type of CD or DVD and felt I couldn't give it to someone else when I was done with it. To me, it was like passing along a book that I enjoyed so much I wanted to share the experience of it with another.

It was the basic idea that I was being told what was the wrong way to be--that's what stuck in my craw. It's too similar to a parent tape reeling around in my head, my dad saying, "Pen, that's selfish--that's no way to be." 

Tobias literally stated, "You've never done anything wrong, ever." And yet....

I'm done waiting for others

When we were encouraged to give ourselves the Master diploma, some Shaumbra took their sweet time in procrastinating over it. I grabbed it and set off, but others didn't, and so much of the shoud's focus became on getting those others to claim their own mastery. I was embracing my mastery but it felt like I was still being treated as a student. Beings I still wanted the comfort of feeling like I wasn't alone, I continued to participate and be a part of their Angel program until it just no longer seemed a good fit for me either. 

I took a break from the Crimson Circle for a few years. In the meantime, their focus seemed to change, too. They were gearing up to making themselves more accessible and appealing and entertaining to the newbies. I have recently begun participating and paying for the monthly Shouds again, and I am enjoying the material and finding it insightful and helpful with the changing timescape that embodied mastery brings....and....I'm also realizing I'm still feeling like a bit of an outsider.

In summation, my beloved Crimson Circle family is turning out to be yet another stepping stone for me, though a very beloved one....They are on a mission which I feel myself once again veering off away from. They still are contributing hugely to ascended consciousness and living a life of embodied mastery--and I deeply admire and appreciate all they are doing...and....I seem to have put some issues between us that keeps me still feeling a bit separate, that I need to do this my way--and workshops and SES certifications and aspectology courses, or any of their other deeper workshops aren't meant for me to partake of.

I put Crimson Circle here to play out the role exactly the way I am experiencing them, though it's been a long and painfully difficult struggle within me to come to terms with not agreeing with someone I admire and appreciate and love so much. I know they agreed to do this for me so I'd quit trying to fit in, and instead find my own expression and bring forth my own creation....They haven't really betrayed me or let me down. By playing the part of failing me, they've helped me to open up and allow my own expression on the subject....so, thank you.... 

The Roundtable Discussions

I'm realizing with that "Why am I alive?" question that I have my own flavor of a contribution to make. It runs along similar lines in many ways....and....I have a different take on how to encourage self-sovereignty and embodied mastery: The Roundtable Discussions: Practicing Your Own Self-Sovereignty and Embodied Mastery. It's a safe and sacred place where we get to share and laugh with others about ourselves and all the wonders--and scrapes--life as a Divine Human has to offer.

I envision a small gathering of individuals interested in sharing their own stories of realization, and their practice of self-sovereignty and embodied mastery. Each person, without interruption, shares the story of an experience they had and the wisdom they personally gained from it. And with the technology we have, those discussions can be shared with a larger audience so humans can get exposed to, and accustomed to hearing the stories of how it looked and felt for others who've claimed their own mastery. So mastery is realized as being a natural and attainable state of being for every human.

The only prerequisites are that each person participating in the roundtable accepts total compassionate responsibility for their entire life, and that we honor one another's sovereignty. That means no victimhood whinings, no unsolicited advice, no "I'm going to heal you" agendas. No causes, no solicitations, no proselytizing, no processing tired old "Poor Me" or "But I'm Trying!" stories. You see, when you're the master you realize there is nothing to fix or heal. 

If anyone has any comments to make afterwards, it would be a recommended guideline that it be a realization that the shared story inspired within themselves. 

We are not a support group either, where the focus is on how misunderstood we are by the world at large.

I'm not interested in empty, boring quotes or what somebody else taught you

A few weeks ago I had a couple of young women ring my doorbell. There they stood, bible marked and ready for them to read their quote to me. I used to just let the Jehovah Witnesses and the young Mormon missionaries who disturbed me in my home say their little spiel and then we'd part ways as I pasted a tolerating grin on my face. This time I allowed myself to smile and tell them I wasn't interested. End of interaction.

But I've always had this accompanying thought that I never let myself say, "I'd rather hear your personal stories and the wisdom you gained from those experiences. This other stuff--basically regurgitation of someone else's words, ideas and perceptions of the world--B-O-R-I-N-G! I am interested in you, your life, and what you've discovered about yourself here."

I have no desire to teach or be somebody's guru that hands out a bunch of convoluted rules and rituals to practice. That crap never worked for me. I don't mentally visualize or meditate or pray. I'm very practical about conscious awareness--a spirit having a human vessel experience in order to know itself better--and I choose to live it out as my daily practice, using the tools I've found helpful along the way. 

So, why am I alive? One of the greatest contributions I have to offer by staying here is that I appreciate the gifts of being that I am, that we all are, always, in all our ways. I view life on this Earth from a very broad perspective....and I live that out, moment by moment....

Most of all, I feel it would be great fun for me to swap some stories over beverages and biscuits, and have some great, I-almost-peed-my-pants laughs....

Related Posts:

"Once upon a time I GAVE MYSELF this experience....": I'm Nobody's Victim

True Freedom: Can I Handle It?

The Savior, The Martyr, The Superhero: Are They Overrated?

The Savior 

Do I need, or even want to be saved? 

For me, the whole savior concept has felt a bit off. I never resonated with it even when I explored the Christian religion. I very much loved and appreciated Yeshua (Jesus). I soaked up his messages and his parables and anything I could find about his entire life story from his birth to his death. I perceived him as a beloved brother and friend, and I still do. I also recognized him as a standard of beingness possible for me. But he's not my master and he's not my mediator with my own divinity, my own soul, or my Eternal Source. I'm the only one who can fulfill that role for myself.

I've written previously about a Good Friday experience my husband and I had that completely put me off the whole savior thing. In a twisted way, they did me a service, but not the way they intended, I'm sure. The church we attended handed out nails to everyone, and we were told to hammer it into the cross at the altar in order to remind us what we did to Jesus and the sacrifice he made of himself in order to save us from our sorry-assed, sinning selves. Yeah, I'm still a bit perturbed at that one, and also laughing at myself now that I've had several years of distance from the whole ordeal.

The Martyr

Truly, do you want someone nailed to a cross and strung up there to die in such a ghastly way for you? Close your eyes and feel into the weight of carrying that around throughout your daily life....It's a riot, isn't it? It causes my shoulders to hunch, and at the same time shreds me up, and spits me out all over the place to be walked on by all manner of foot wear.

So many current Christian religions preach of Jesus being the one and only son of god, and people are quite defensive in that viewpoint, but when I read the Christian Bible, Jesus stated that there were those who would come after him who would do all the things he did and more. He also seemed to me to be showing anyone who'd listen that each person could have the same type of relationship with divinity as he did--that Heaven was right at hand for anyone open to it.

But people want the comfort of what they've lived out most of their lives. They are pretty much afraid of what they might do if they let themselves off that leash.

Sacrifice and martyrdom are highly valued ideals in this world. I even tried it out back in my conspiracy tangent days. I thought I could withstand going to prison if it meant saving my world and the children I so loved from power-loving humans who'd created corrupt systems of taxation, law, medicine, education, etc. in order to get control of the masses. 

I tried to change it from within the system by filing a sovereignty claim in the courthouse--but that only got me more power plays, more fighting, more harassment. It ended up being quite costly financially, with no resolution. 

And when I saw people I knew going to jail, it brought the hard truth home to me that it wasn't as romantic as I'd made it out to be in my head. That maybe I didn't want to rot away inside four walls for reasons most wouldn't understand--that the very people I was sacrificing myself for had no idea that's what I was doing. It was quite a humbling realization--I was still basically an unimportant nobody in the eyes of the rest of the world.

Ultimately, all that was gained was the compassionate wisdom I got from the experience, and the understanding that I couldn't change the world--that it would then in turn try to change me. I realized that all change had to start within me--me with myself. That I was never meant to change anyone else. All my answers were meant solely for me, and I was reminded of that by this little melody that began playing over and over within me as I walked on beyond my toe-dip into conspiracy days:

"The answers lie within you,

I found them here in me.

How much more must we endure before we're all free?"

The Superhero: A combination of the savior and the martyr.

My husband and I used to enjoy watching the comic superhero films like Spiderman, Ironman, Captain America, Thor, Wonder Woman, to name a few. They were entertaining for a time, but lately, we both find our interest in the whole superhero concept waning. The actors are great, but the story-lines are the same. The heroes all have a tragic and angsty past, as do those playing their nemesis and their love interests. 

It's just all the same formula, and, once again, I don't feel as though our planet or humanity needs saving by a masked superhuman or alien. At this point, I just can't seem to relate with the idea, much as I'm finding it more and more difficult to relate with individuals who choose to abuse and misuse drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. for escapism and recreation and self-flagellation. 

Nor can I relate to individuals who insist on playing out the martyred victim role in their relationships. I've been there, done that, and I've had my fill. I just don't want to dive into that old, now really boring stuff anymore.There is so much more, we are so much more....

Do humans need to appreciate and take more responsibility for loving and treating with respect the planet which supports us? Yes....and....once again, that's up to each human being to freely choose how their individual world reality manifests itself. I'm responsible for my own creation--no one else's.

I love this gem of a planet. I love the beauty of nature, the animal kingdom, the plants, the minerals, the waters, the mountains, plains, the skies! I love humans--some more than others, depending on their behavior here....and....even when I don't like them much at all due to the roles they are playing out here for me, I still realize that I wish no one any ill will....and....I really love that!

The master is of greater service than the servant....or the savior....

So, who is the master? I am! You are!

Becoming a master is actually quite simple and natural--everyone will experience it eventually. It's dependent upon the individual's preference for how long or short he or she chooses to make their own journey into the remembering realization of who they actually are. My realization just came to me naturally over the course of some very challenging experiences. And then I wholeheartedly embraced the fact that I created absolutely everything in my life--all of my experiences. That I am experiencing a world of my own making.

Nobody actually did anything to me that I didn't allow to happen in the first place. I put it all right here, right now, and no one but me can un-create it, or neutralize the energy of the manifestation back to zero point pure energy.

That understanding was my realization of true freedom--my saving grace, if you will....I didn't need a savior, a martyr or a superhero....

I'm excited about experiencing my daily manifestations now that I've realized who I am and what I'm capable of....I'm no longer stuck in a prison that was of my own making to begin with.

I Don't Take Sides: Here's Why....

 First of all, if it's in my life I alone put it there....

Nobody has done anything "to" me that I didn't allow to happen on some level. That is the most freeing realization for me. It shifts my perspective so drastically it's almost hard to explain. By making myself the creator of all my experiences it stops my whining and I'm instead asking myself why would I choose this experience and am I ready to be done with it?

I know from my own experiences that whatever kind of relationship I get depends on what I bring to the table. Period. I could change the face and sex and name of the person, but I'd still get the same type of relationship unless I started creating from a different perception and viewpoint.

The Woman Behind the Man

In the not-so-distant past, the old consciousness energy had women playing a more subservient role than men. Most of the men in my life were the providers, they were physically stronger, and they handled the major purchases and legal matters. My mom was a beautiful, strong and gentle and wise person who supported my dad in a manner few other women would have been capable of. She was like the best supporting actress to the star of the show. He got the validation while she did so much of the important work that went unnoticed. This is not a disappointment in either of my parents, who were lovely, amazing imperfect humans. This is just the status quo of the era in which I grew up.

I remember getting the valedictorian position the year I graduated from high school. It actually just pretty much fell in my lap. I wasn't competing for it. But I still never saw myself as equal in intelligence to the guys in my class. Actually, I rationalized to myself and others that I only got it because I didn't take some of the more difficult math courses. I wasn't trying to get a grand GPA. I just wasn't interested in taking more math courses.

I grew up in a family with six brothers (five older and one younger than me) and one sister five years older than me, so I was accustomed to the male viewpoints. I love men! My brothers were basically very good to me and I had great appreciation and respect for them, yet I was always aware of putting myself second to them in my sense of worthiness in being. Again, it was the consciousness of the times. 

No one actually told me women were second-rate. Most women I knew were taking care of the family and home. They were just beginning to go out more into the local job force as I was growing up, but the men were usually most often the main breadwinners in the relationships around me. Including my own later on.

Then I put an event in my life that torpedoed me even further into that sense of subordinate, Less-Worthinessville. I had my first boyfriend, my brother's best friend, die in a motorcycle accident. And I thought I was the one that caused it to happen. Yeah--on this more expansive level I can see where I did pick the story for my human part to experience, but I, the human, didn't actually have anything to do with causing the accident. 

I hit a void-like chasm where I didn't know how or even if I should go on with life, yet I kept waking up morning after morning after morning. I was basically just passing the time, hoping and praying some god out there would finally end it all and just take me while I was asleep.

In my book, fighting and conflict--having to be right--no longer were worth the cost...

I thought he'd been taken from me because I was angry with him for not going with me to a movie I'd wanted to see. Twisted, I know, but, you see I was seeing myself as this silly girl who was mad at a guy for choosing to do the honorable thing like help the family harvest the crop instead of doing something I actually wanted to do with him. Normally, it was my custom to just let him come up with things to do and I'd go along with it.

But that night, angry with my boyfriend, I went off with my cousin, had a drunk hit on me in a bar, and couldn't wait to get back home to him, only to discover my dad and mom and brother and sister waiting on the back steps to tell me the news that he'd been killed.

After that night I associated my being angry with him as being what caused me to lose him. I saw myself as having been a selfish little twit. But the funny thing is, a few decades later, I realized I'd actually offered him another path that night....one where he might still be here....

Fighting feels ridiculous to me when weighed next to other possibilites....

While I'm still uncomfortable feeling it, I've  realized that anger also has its place in my life. I got really passive there for awhile and I suppressed my truth and viewpoint. I muffled my voice in my own created world, the one where I should be the star of it, having been its source and center. I basically just existed in it--I was something of a walking corpse just ambling down a path I let others choose for me.

Thankfully, I've had a few loving souls play the bad guy for me. They got me so pissed off, I finally found myself blurting forth all manner of things--and it was pretty funny!

She said, "You don't know what it's like to be the victim of an abusive relationship." 

Nobody can know our pain, right? My pain is worse than you or anyone else can imagine. 

Competing for the "I Suffer the Most" award is an actual thing in human consciousness. I see it all the time, and it causes me to shake my head, yes-smirk a bit, and roll my eyes. I think, all that time and energy wasted on being miserable instead of CHOOSING to open oneself up to the possibility of something more.

I just think it would be more fun to step off that I'm Such a Sorry SOB train, but I observe people enjoying playing the role of being miserable. Nothing changes.

Once upon a time, while neither condemning nor condoning the ridiculous actions of the two individuals involved, I tried to communicate my love for, my unconditional acceptance of, all parties affected by the broken relationship--him, her, their children, me. Instead of being open to hearing my viewpoint, one of the star players was vehemently shaking her head at me, glaring at me, telling me that I should have heard the awful things he'd said about me. She was royally pissed at me for not taking her side. I couldn't possibly know what it was like being in their relationship....

Oh, Honey, yes, I do know what it's like to be the victim--and I put myself in that role WITH YOU!!!

....and, frankly, so did you in yours....and you are loving every minute of it because you are not open to even hearing me out, much less choosing to take responsibility for what you have going. You just want to play "Poor Pitiful Me." So have at it....I'm just done listening to that same old, same old Sad Sack story. I don't want to hear about his latest and greatest trangression...and....

I know I still love you and I always will, no matter what....

I didn't get the chance to say that before she slammed her car door on me and drove off in an offended huff. It would have been wasted breath and energy at the time or I would have had my say. I'm learning to honor whatever does or doesn't pop out of my mouth in the moment, and not look back with any doubt.

I didn't hear from this person for a long time afterwards, and I didn't miss that old icky relationship she and I had going either. It was rather manipulative, and once I realized what we were doing together, it was easy to say to myself, No more. 

However, I'm keeping myself open to something new and better for the two of us, and even if that doesn't happen, I still wish her the best....

and....I know we're both just acting and having a great time being a couple of drama queens....

One key comforting realization I've had about myself is the fact that I don't wish any ill will on anyone, no matter what may transpire between us. 

I've discovered I'm capable of telling someone to Shut the "eff" up if it's appropriate, and, to be fair, maybe even when it's not the best choice of potential comebacks. I have this imperfect (and proud of it) human thing going, after all.

However, I still wish us each and all a joyfully abundant life....I don't need us to be together if that doesn't work for us, yet I always have hope that we can both choose to have a more honest and authentic and open way of relating with each other. Yes, I realize I always have hope,,,,

Marriage is overrated....

I honestly would not get married again having realized what I know now. I would probably still choose to be with the person I'm currently married to, just without all the strings and conditions and expectations of one another that we had in the past. I don't need governments, lawyers, family members and religions to mediate how we relate with one another. I don't need a middle man. I just need to love--accept--myself unconditionally, and any other relationship after that is easy.

I don't want someone staying with me because of some vow we made. That feels like forced affection. I want someone to be with me who loves our time spent together, yet can be apart when we each need that time alone. I want someone who honors and respects themselves and myself in our relationship.

Our relationship is ultimately our responsibility--not the responsibility of any kids we might bring into it. I remember one of my college classmates, a divorcee, ranting on ad nauseum about her ex, and telling me how she talked about him and what a loser he was in front of their kids. I didn't say anything at the time--it was a long time ago--but even then I thought, Do you realize that you are attacking them when you are verbally attacking their father? Where's your common sense and sensitivity, oh high-and-mighty lady?

Human relationships should not be the business of any external entity like a government or lawyers who make a darn good living off divorces. 

And when I put an external authority figure in charge of my relationships (like a god other than that one within me) then it's too easy to push responsibility for myself  and my actions and reactions off on someone else. I don't have to forgive myself or anyone else if some god out there is doing it for me.

I don't need a marriage certificate or a ring to conduct myself in a manner that has integrity. I don't care to date or flirt with other people out of respect for myself and out of sensitivity to the person I'm with. If I should change my mind, my partner should be the first to know, and vice versa. 

If we're at war within our own heart and home, how can we expect our outer world to be at peace?

I learned long ago after diving into the old conspiracy tunnel that my world change starts right here at home within me and with the daily relationships I have closest to me. Protesting and standing on street corners, barking and thrashing at perceived enemies, and trying to convince uninterested passersby that I have all the answers for the world? A load of whoo-ey.

I'm not much for taking sides--it used to hurt too much. When my dad and his dad and siblings were at odds with him it tore me up. I loved them all, but it put me in a position of having to choose one over the other out of a misguided sense of loyalty. My dad was just as responsible for the crappy relationship that was being nurtured by the rest of them. He was the victim only because he made himself out to be that way. I can actually feel him cheering me on in admitting this....and he's smiling and laughing at himself , too....

And then there's the big war between Russia and the Ukraine

It feels so obsolete and barbaric to observe two or more countries destroying the landscapes and lives of their people....all for....what? The thing is, those engaging in the drama and trauma all must be enjoying themselves on some level or they'd be making other choices for their individual selves, and the war would just peter out.

I probably just offended someone. Just so we're clear here: If it's in my life--my world--I take responsibility for putting it here, and this war is currently happening in my world, though not in my country. We have other kinds of wars and battles going on here in the United States. 

Whatever the chaotic mess it manifests as--I put it all here. I am allowing it....and....I feel it's a temporary state of being that is helping me build a bridge out of the old and obsolete ways that no longer serve this more expansive awareness I have into something newer, freer, more reflective of who we all are. Every new perspective I have, every different choice I make, or maybe it's a choice I decide to stand firm in--it's all a stepping stone towards something more....

The way I see it, we're not just Little Humans trying to achieve perfection and who are at the mercy of some judgmental authority who's pretty inconsistent about the rules. I see us as spiritual awareness having the human being experience in order to better understand oneself.  And to discover how our own energies serve us--how I manifested the reality I'm perceiving in the moment at hand. And how can I apply this understanding to create something I really want?

The wars could end in the blink of an eye

I can imagine each person, no matter the age or status, suddenly deciding within themselves, No more. I'm done. And as one-by-one they turn away from playing the game, the whole battle falls apart because no one is feeding the fight anymore. Either that, or like a cancer--its own self-hatred, which is pretty much at the core of any power game illusion, just eats itself up and the entity that is war dies.

I've come to the realization that all humans, though it may be buried deep within them, couldn't commit the atrocities we do with ourselves and each other without knowing on some level that it's just a Let's Pretend act. If we actually believed an eternal horror or hell awaited us or that this one lifetime was all there was to us--we wouldn't be messing things up the way we do. On some level....we are all having fun playing the parts....

So I'm done taking myself so seriously....

When it's all said and done, ya just gotta laugh, don't ya?

I've been reading through all this, editing and asking myself what's your point, Pen?

I'm realizing how funny all of this has been. Every conflict I've been involved in--no matter how serious I felt at the time about whatever was going on--it's pretty hilarious when I view it from a bit of distance. Most of the time, I don't even remember what the original disagreement was about. There's a lot of He said/She saids--finger pointing at someone or something other than myself. How many times have I written in this blog about how that ol' finger always does a 180, and points right back at me, the originator of all I put myself through?

As I feel back into some of those moments, I remember now, more often than not, that I was like a film critic deciding how much I was buying into the scene we were all acting out. How believable were the actors and the situations?

Often it was just the hit of exhilaration from having a bit of drama in a rather stale day-to-day life. An "Ah! I actually am alive!" realization....and....Oh! What a fun story this will be to tell.........This will really make them laugh....

Swapping stories

At some point I see all of us who've realized who we truly are sitting around a huge table, telling stories about the predicaments we put ourselves through in the Grand Old Earth game--and having a rollicking great laugh at ourselves....

And there I am again, that little second-grader who vomited in the school cafeteria lunch line with the high schoolers I idolized so much looking on. I was so embarrassed, felt so stupid and mad at myself.

But after listening to my brothers tell their own stories of embarrassment and hearing them being able to laugh at themselves, I thought I had a recovery plan. I tried to be funny and entertain my family and my brothers' friends while eating dinner. I presented them with my new take on the story. 

I clutch my stomach and I groan, "Ugh! I think I'm going to throw up." And I look through my peripherals, ready to hear a roar of laughter from around the table, but the only reaction I get is from my dad, who's sitting next to me. He says in a low, shame-on-you tone, "Pen, we don't talk like that at the table." 

Lol! Sometimes the attempt to entertain others backfires....and that's funny, too....

The Revelations of Dreams: My Human Dance with My Divinity

The Song of Solomon

In the Old Testament of the Christian Bible is a story referred to as The Song of Solomon. The gist of the story is about a bridegroom searching throughout the lands for his one-and-only true love, the other half to make him whole, his beloved bride. In the end, he realizes she was with him the entire time--he'd just been looking in the wrong places--places outside of himself. His bride had been with him all along, through everything he'd experienced.

The core energy of many of my old recurring dreams was similar to King Solomon's experience: 

The Dance of the Asleep Human with Its Divinity....

I've written about some of my most puzzling recurring dreams in previous posts. One that often left me feeling so alone upon waking up in the mornings was where I was waiting for this man that I so loved to notice me and want to be with me. 

Sometimes the guy was my first boyfriend who initially appeared angry with me because I had moved on and married someone else after he died instead of waiting for him. Of course, I realized even at the time of the dream that he was coming in that way because I was the one having trouble allowing myself to move forward into living a full and happy life without him. 

In other dreams, it was a different guy who seemed to initially act like he was attracted to me, yet he never noticed me after that first startling connection. I was always on the outside looking in, longing to be seen....

Later, the dreams changed. my old boyfriend kissed me and told me he was proud of me--I had realized some profound life-changing things in my actual life that had set me free of that old survivor's guilt. 

Then the other guy came in bearing gifts and wanting to spend time with me, but I put off allowing myself to receive his gifts and his presence because I was distracted by taking care of other people and their issues--by thinking I had to take responsibility for other's creations.

This morning I finally made the profound connection that these dreams were also making me aware of my own experience similar to that of King Solomon. Sometimes I was seeing through the eyes and feelings of the bride in my dreams--my own Divine Self, and sometimes I was the groom--my Human Self. 

Me as My Humanity in my dreams--

I was never good enough:

I'd had some tough human experiences where I felt betrayed by "god," which was basically my own Divinity, and so I got angry and turned my back on god. I twirled my Divine dance partner out and away to the far side of the ballroom floor. I ignored her, and went about doing my own thing.

Then more difficult things happened where it seemed beyond my human abilities to deal with, so I began my search for god, but it was a god I perceived as being disappointed in me. I'd go to use the bathroom facilities--needing them in the most urgent manner, but I'd have an audience and the toilets would be overflowing with sewage, unusable. I would be a mess--soiled and embarrassed. Showers didn't work either. It was all so revolting and repulsive. I could never get cleaned up. 

In my dreams I found myself actually swimming in disgusting human waste. I wasn't feeling worthy enough for some god-out-there's attention. My own awareness was so densely polluted with the garbage of other's ideas about who, what and how I was that my Divine Self had a tough time staying as close within me as it really wanted to be. She could only handle short amounts of time. 

To the human facet, "god" felt so elusive and slippery. What worked to make that connection one time didn't seem as effective the next. Basically my belief of being a worthless sinner got in the way of my connecting properly with my own soul or my Divine facet. Plus, that whole idea of Jesus sacrificing himself in order to wash me clean just didn't make sense to me--I didn't want someone dying in order to save me. That just felt icky and loaded with conditions and more limitations.

It helped to replace the idea of being a "sinner" with simply being an "imperfect human" whose limitations were actually gifts to its soul, not something to atone for. We were never meant to be perfect here. That understanding has set me free in a huge way and has made me more open to a more realistic relationship with my own divinity.

Mass consciousness and mental processing are extremely prominent features here in the Earth reality, and they get in the way of our more spiritual or pure conscious awareness of oneself.

Mass consciousness is all the suggestions accepted by the majority of people as the truth about the way life is, who and what you are, and how you go about it. 

It is a dense mine field to navigate. It's a cesspool of polluted consciousness--it's loaded with aspects created by humans who have an extremely limited concept of who and how they are in this world. So no wonder my dreams were so disgusting....

Me as My Divinity in my dreams:

In the meantime, my Divine self (the feminine half) ached with such longing to be noticed by my human self (the masculine half), and to be included in his daily life. I'd try to find just the right clothing to fit in, but somehow it would disappear from my drawers or my suitcases. My favorite comfortable, elegant clothing that made me stand out, yet feel a part of things, just vanished. 

My human's perception of himself as being unworthy was blocking me out. I couldn't ask him to invite me in or force my presence on him--I had to wait for my human self to be ready and ask for me to come in of his own free will. I had to honor his free choice. He had to surrender to simply being imperfect--to allow himself to be without any judgment about it. Only then could I--my divinity--show him what a gift he was being for me by playing the imperfect part....all for me....

The Darkness is Your Divinity

We've been taught to fear the darkness--that which lies both within us and outside us. It's the source of evil, "they" say. Humans by their very nature are sinners, we've been taught.

Even as a child, I had a great respect and fear for what was waiting for me out there in the dark, especially when it was my turn to head out into the dark of night to close the door on the chicken coop in order to keep out nighttime predators. However, those earthly entities weren't the ones I was afraid of--I was more afraid of the ethereal things that I could sense were there but couldn't see. I made sure my trusty dogs were with me on the mad dash there and back, and when I'd get back to the house I'd take a few deep breaths to compose myself, and then walk inside to my family and act all nonchalant about it all.

And when my parents were away, out dancing for the night, I'd avoid looking out the windows--actually not even taking a glimpse in their general direction--for fear of what might be looking in at me. I pretty much felt watched all the time--sometimes it felt good, sometimes it felt sinister. 

One of the first few channels that I read from ascended master, Tobias, of the Crimson Circle, stated that our darkness was our divinity. And that our divinity was connected with our compassionate feminine part that was hidden away within us, but now coming forth at this epic time of raised consciousness on the planet. 

Both Tobias and Adamus Saint-Germain have stated that our darkness wasn't something to fight, like our stories passed down through the ages have told of the grand battle between the light and the dark, where only evil came from the dark. 

Actually evil comes from creative humans who are scared and vulnerable-feeling. Who don't know they are the creators of their own realities so they are trying to get control of their external world by desperate means. Pretty much like a blind person backed into a corner, flailing and striking out at anything it perceives as a danger to his existence. That has a tendency to cause one to fight dirty. All honor and scruples fly out the door.

Instead, our darkness simply contained potentials that we couldn't see yet. It's pretty much the same story as Solomon's. It's hidden away within, and our five human senses couldn't perceive within too well, especially while being distracted with an outer world. "Invisible realm" would probably be a good replacement for the word, "darkness" and take away the common misperception that dark equals all bad.

In short, our human awareness was too limited to be able to clearly and constantly perceive our own divinity within and around oneself....until now....

The Christian fish symbol

In my dream, I watched as he rode away from me on his horse, and, though I knew he had a noble purpose in leaving, I grieved the loss of him in my life as he gradually faded into the mists....

The Christian fish symbol depicts the dance of the Divine and the Human facets. The mouth shows that both the Divine and the Human parts come from the same Eternal One or Source. The body depicts their movements away from the other, and then their paths finally move closer together and finally intersect and integrate together at the tail. It's open-ended from there....

It's a new kind of dance with the two in full awareness of, and companionship with the other....

What is Mastery?

Claiming my own mastery, giving myself that diploma of Embodied Ascended Master was perhaps one of the greatest gifts I could have given myself in this experience. It changed my entire demeanor--how I saw myself, how I presented myself, how I perceived my experiences and myself in them. I gave myself all my experiences--no one else did it to me.

Mastery isn't this thing you have to have an X-amount of schooling in in order to master a subject and earn a degree in, or in this case, a title. There is no set program or a sequential to-do list. Nobody else decides if or when you graduate into mastery--it's all up to you. 

When I embraced my own mastery, I changed, and my world began to follow suit. My old energies began to neutralize and rearrange themselves to match my new consciousness radiation. Please note--it's been a gradual change, often felt and experienced within myself in a subtle way before being manifest in my outer world. Sometimes it feels agonizingly slow-going, but it's happening, nonetheless. I especially realize it when looking back to how and where I was a month, a year, or a decade or more ago.

And there is nothing woo-woo about being a master. It's simply you looking around and within and realizing, "I created this....Yes, I created that....and that....and that, too...all of it...."

The human delights, "What an experience, this being in a human form has been and is and can be now that I KNOW I am so much more than the Little Human just trying to survive! I am not alone. I never have been alone. Thank you, my Beloved Divinity for waiting for me, for being with me even when I didn't realize it, and for coming in to dance with me when I opened myself up to the possibility of you and invited you to join me...."

And your divinity and soul celebrates as the master gifts its grains of newfound wisdom. The master takes all its human stories, perceptions and experiences and burns away the details (pain, suffering, and misery), leaving only polished gems of wisdom. The polished part is that it is a compassionate wisdom--one that only experience as a human being can hone and buff to a loving shine.

Your soul, your I am! self breathes with joy, "Thank you, my Beloved Human, always for being in all your ways....and now that you remember I am here with you, we can really dance...."

And so I dance....

I used to be so worried about how I looked dancing and what others thought of me. I was all stiff and restricted in my movements. I held myself in. And that's exactly the way my life played out.

This dance with my divinity hasn't made me any holier or more saintly-acting, not really. I'm just flowing through my life more freely, more wholly Me....

and I'm perfectly imperfect, and proud of it....

The Dance

By Penny Lewton Binek

Passion and his beloved Compassion

glide a path together--

sometimes breaking apart,

sometimes framing the other, heart-to-heart--

waxing and waning

'round the floor of the Flagstone Terrace.

They dance through the annals of the ages,

the picture book that is my mind,

to the wildly whirling-twirling,

strangely-peaceful dervish

that is my heart,

in rhythm to the song

that is my soul....