"You made your bed, now lie in it."
Kind of puts a lot of pressure on a person to make sure they make the right choice, doesn't it? Then to add to that, you maybe had some prior experiences, based on choices you made, that turned out to be not so much fun and laughs. Some were even traumatic--some were real life-changers. So your trust in your ability to make right choices is all laying down there in the pooper.
You have a traumatically painful experience--someone dies, someone breaks off a relationship with you. In both instances it feels like rejection. It hurts like hell. You're in a void, frustrated that you're still breathing (barely) and dammit! still waking up to new days of no tomorrows worth living.
So you settle. You join ship with someone else who's agreeable with you (but in your mind it's your second choice), and you both base an entire lifetime on having made that choice to settle, while trying not to admit it to yourself. You try to protect yourself from hurting so much again. You try to control and monitor yourself, and you try controlling and monitoring everyone and everything around you to make that safe-seeming, self-compromising choice the right choice. Because there is no going back and changing your mind after all that, is there? But maybe there is....
Settling often means we're holding onto a guilty secret, and while we feel ashamed about it and try to tuck it away from our awareness--try to make the best of things--it has a way of staying in our cells and creeping into our lives when our guard is down. It influences how we perceive and react to things no matter how strongly we think we have it under control. It influences how we create the reality, the experiences in our present lives. We're the ones in its prison cell.
And the only way out is to honestly acknowledge to oneself that it's there.
We each actually put it all there,....and....we alone are the only ones who can release ourselves from it. Not the other person....
But you have to go beyond the linear timeline that you were most probably on when you made that choice. You have to open your perspective up to see the bigger picture:
It was all just a collection of experiences. You built up an identity around them and in response to it all when you thought you were just this Little Human--but none of that is who and what you are. That identity is the human costume you wear while having experiences out of love for your soul. There is actually no right or wrong choice--it's all just experience--period.
You are so much more than that cut-and-dried identity you made yourself to be....
When you open yourself to seeing things from your soul's viewpoint, you realize there is no time and there is no space. There really is no right or wrong....
It's just an experience from a soup of potential experiences you attract to yourself based on your awareness of yourself and how limited that awareness is.
They are all your energies in a soupy field of energies--free of Time and Space--solely in service to you.
They were just potentials you experienced in what seemed like a certain sequence because you were playing in the duality game--a game of contrasts and polar opposites. You had a very limited idea of who you were that then naturally limited the experiences you attracted to yourself and your perception of them.
You believed you were in service to time and space instead of them being energy patterns serving you. You believed there were definite right choices and there were definite wrong choices. It was all black and white in there until you hit some gray areas where the choice wasn't so clear. That's when self-doubt kicked in.... and....that niggly doubt built upon itself, and with it came a rash of experiences that added to the chaotic confusion.
You no longer trusted yourself....much less, your ability to make a good choice....
So, now you know you can view it all differently. Now you have a broader perspective if you choose to use it. You have the tools to understand it and set yourself free. Just dive into that stuff--acknowledge they've been tugging at you--those finger-pointing whispers you've been trying to avoid looking at and listening to for so long. They are your demons that haunt you....and....you just didn't know what to do with them, until you knew....
So what if you settled. So what if you wouldn't, you couldn't, you shouldn't, you did or didn't....it's not the cut and dried if only way you once thought it all was. Give yourself a break. Go ahead--step out of line. Go beyond the linear timeline and set yourself and your world free. Your decisions, your past--your identity--truly is not who you are.