The Word "Fight"

"I love people. And I look for a way of connecting with them no matter what level they are at. It doesn't matter."

Those are the wise words of a dear neighbor that I visited with recently. They resonated deeply with me. I imagine a world where we all seek to make a heartfelt connection with each other, rather than looking at someone (who just happens to be reflecting back an aspect of oneself) and trying to change them into something we want rather than looking deeply to see who they truly are. To see the gift they are to us being just as they are in that moment.

"Don't believe everything you hear on the TV news or read in the paper. They are owned by people with an agenda, and it's not necessarily for the welfare of anyone but themselves."

My dad told me this decades ago, and he predicted the riots we're seeing today. I was educated to read the daily news through a current events class we had in the eighth grade. The news was taught as supposedly being unbiased reporting--but there is no such thing. Not when every human discerns what is truth according to a unique perception based on one's own experiences and feelings about them.

The Internet has made it impossible to keep humans in the dark. Though, in many cases mainstream media, I see, is doing its darnedest with censoring to keep us riled up and acting out of fear and hatred. It sickens me, while at the same time I realize that anyone doing anything intentionally harmful is actually really harming themselves. 

Karma for the unawakened now hits faster and harder than ever before. I don't wish that kind of karmic balancing on anyone. I'd rather they realized who they truly are and decide to let go of playing with power. Karma disappears when you realize you're no longer interested in power and control, but rather freedom for all. But it's each person's free choice, and I thank them for all the parts they play for me. I just get clearer with who I am and what I am about through it all.

I see it happening on Facebook and Youtube and all the mainstream news media (local and national)--the censorship and twisted reporting that takes words spoken so out of context they don't even resemble what the person actually said. I clearly see attempts to sway humans into actions based in fear and the word fight, used in conjunction with pretty words like justice.

I have watched self-proclaimed environmentalists literally trash the land of my beloved North Dakota--with mountains of discarded waste--that they were supposedly protecting from a pipeline. 

And these recent riots? This is our homeland, and it's being turned into wasteland by its own people destroying the property and homes of their neighbors--human and animal--incited by power-players with an agenda. 

Step back and take a breather, feel into you.

Shut off the news, stay away from mobs full of angry, insane people. Those causes they are supposedly fighting for--well, they are just trying to get your adrenaline pumping so you do their dirty work for them. If someone's pointing a finger of blame, walk away from them. Put all color, gender, orientation, ethnicity, age aside--those are judgments. If someone is saying only one color or gender matters in their slogan, maybe you'll want to feel into that, because ALL life matters, doesn't it?

Go be alone with yourself so you can get clear about who you really are, so that when you interact with your earthly neighbors, you're coming from your highest self, and not the old lower consciousness of survival of the fittest. You'll feel better about yourself.

It's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we all return.

I am a lover, and I've had my fill of fighting nonsense. If I hear someone using fear to try to motivate me, I walk away. That's a false prophet. If I hear someone spewing hatred, I walk away. Their hatred has consumed them and they are momentarily insane. And watch for those trying to make you feel guilty and ashamed...

Be aware of what you're radiating as your truth:

The protective energetic bubble people have been taught in many modalities is now obsolete, and actually works adversely to the desired effect. You've placed a protective barrier in your own energy field that serves you specifically. And your responsive energies then manifest something you need to protect yourself from. Practice opening up your personal energy field--the more open you are, the less something can stick to your created reality, and it just flows on through and by without manifesting.

For years, I've felt myself cringe inside whenever I heard myself or someone else use the word "fight."

Close your eyes and feel into what it means to fight--with something (a disease like cancer, for example), for something (your freedom), or over something (like fighting over thoughts and deeds you think are WRONG)...

Do you feel your muscles brace? Does your heart beat faster, harder? Does your stomach drop, clamp, feel a bit nauseated? Do your fists clench? Or your jaw? How about your throat--a little tight? How about your head--does it pound? Does the mind chatter race? Do you feel your cheeks flush?

That's how I perceive the word. And when I hear it from another person now, I opt to walk away from the game they've chosen to play--the game of survival. I've played it enough.

 

Those FEELINGS that I pointed out above--that's the potently charged energy that I radiate out into my universe when I believe I'm in a FIGHT. I'm braced, the PROTECTIVE ARMOR is on, and my WEAPONS (words and deeds) are at the ready. And that unconditionally loving universe matches my radiations, vibration for vibration. And so it is!...I have something or someone come into my life experience to play "FIGHT" with.

How did I go beyond fighting?

1. I reminded myself to take a few conscious, down-into-my-lower ribcage breaths (that slows the heart and lowers the blood pressure, and the focus on the breath pulls the mind from its chatter). 

2. I reminded myself to TRUST MYSELF...and BREATHED some more...

3. I gave myself a SAFE, SACRED SPACE to FEEL into myself (sometimes it was a room, sometimes a walk with just me)...and BREATHED some more...

4. I reminded myself that ALL is WELL in ALL of CREATION (that this reality is just ILLUSION, a playground)--and told my mind to HUSH its reasonings and analysis--that we didn't have to try to "figure things out."...and I BREATHED some more...

5. I gave myself permission to write this blog--essentially ALLOWED myself to express myself HONESTLY to me, first of all, and later out loud to my world...And I BREATHED some more.

Yes, one could say I am a deep breather. Ha!

And then one day, I realized that I'm at ease inside of me--no more bracing, no more clenching, no more impending fights...I'm just naturally breathing here with a silly grin of appreciation on my face as I watch all us actors play out our parts together--as we ALL escort our planet and humanity through a change into a new level of conscious awareness. Truly, thank you for ALL parts played...because it's happening. 

Even though there are still some days like these when I feel a bit less tolerant of the fighting.

Much love, my dear humanity, my dear earth and all its gifts of life--we are so much more than all this fighting.

It's Out of Love We All Come...and...It's Unto Love We All Return

 

Apologize not for your own or for another's existence;

for it's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we All return.

I recently had a very dear friend from my childhood cross over. As an adult he'd played the role of compassionate friend, giving me a smile, a reassuring hug, a kind word in some of my darkest and hardest moments--those moments when it was hard to breathe, when life got really tough. He'd been through two heart surgeries, one of them several hours long, and after that he suffered from a depression so deep,..well...so deep that his second attempt at suicide was successful.

Ever since I realized that I was a dreamwalker when my dad crossed over, I find myself suddenly napping a couple hours during the day when someone who's touched my life dies. I'm so out of my body I can't move my limbs. It's something I learned was natural and that humans have been doing since ancient times. We walk alongside our loved ones--quietly, as a loving and clear, agenda-free presence--and escort them to the bridge of flowers that crosses to the other side of the veil.

But the dreamwalking didn't happen this time. Maybe I didn't allow it because it was a suicide, and I've been told to not try to attempt it with suicides. Being highly sensitive empathetically, it's a gamble when being with someone who FEELS so lost, so alone, so...desperate. It's too easy to feelingly get sucked into their vortex of pain, and find yourself crossed over, as well.

Maybe he didn't need an escort either. Maybe he wasn't lost at all and was okay and clearly enscounced within the love and celebration of those awaiting him on the other side. We could have even dreamwalked during his surgery...and I didn't necessarily have to have been his only dreamwalker. Dreamwalking is a natural human ability and it's more common than most humans realize. We just didn't have a word for it in our current culture until recently. 

I've heard he wasn't really even himself afterwards, something that is common with those having been under anesthesia so long. That seems to tell me that, like my brother, Steve, he was having difficulty staying embodied in human form. 

I've been at a loss then. What do I do? How do I help comfort those left behind? Myself included?

And what can I do from this side of the veil to support my dear friend? Maybe he doesn't need my help. Maybe he was in such a place of trust deep within that he wasn't afraid--that the depression he'd felt was a longing for the relief he'd experienced while under anesthesia. Maybe he'd had an out-of-body experience at some point during all those surgeries, and he'd experienced the release from the burdens of being human. This human journey is not for the faint of heart. I've heard it is much easier to let go and die than it is to be born into the confining limitations of the human body.

In the nineties I read the book, Embraced by the Light, by Betty Eadie, who told the story of her own near-death-experience. After checking on her loved ones and reviewing her life, she was told that she wasn't finished yet with that lifetime, that she had some things she needed to do. She had the final say, but her story needed to be shared, and she had to return in order to do that. I'm one of those who needed her back. I needed to hear her story, and this is why:

She was shown a line of angels standing at the ready for their incarnation into a human body. Every one of those humans-to-be was revered for their courage and bravery. If you'd taken on the human experience, though we might play the role of coward here, there really is no such thing from the other side's point of view of us. It takes a whole lot of faith, perseverence, guts and determination, love and sacrifice to play the human role. It takes forgetting who you really are, and getting stuck and limited in a biological body, when deep inside and in one's dreams you just know you can fly and that you're free--but all of that seems so elusive, impossible from this side of the veil.

And...Betty's decision to return was not an easy one. To tell her story to a world that could be harsh and judgmental about such things was not for the faint-of-heart. She spoke of having those moments of longing to return home to the other side, too. Times when she felt so alone, having those difficulties that come with simply being human.

As for suicide--I get it. Life can feel overwhelming at times if you're the least bit sensitive. And frankly, we humans are all sensitive, though some may have buried it deep as their means of a way of coping in this tough old world. 

I even set out to kill myself at one point in my life. My mom had passed, my dad was having a difficult time with it, I felt like a loser in my own marriage. I really never seemed to fit in this world; and one day I just thought it would make everyone else's life better if I was no longer here. I don't even remember what the last straw was. I just set out walking my way out of the city one cold and gloomy winter day. My plan was to just keep walking until I froze to death out in the middle of a field. I'd just disappear, and everyone would be better off for it.

But as I got to the outskirts of a neighboring suburb, I had the realization that doing this to myself was going to hurt my loved ones far more than if I stayed. I put myself in their shoes and felt into how they would feel if I followed through on my plan...and I turned around and returned to a husband waiting for me at the door, worried out of his mind. I was so cold.

I haven't shared that story with very many people who know me personally. It wasn't one of my brightest moments, and there was a bit of shame lingering there. Now, I look back, and I have a good laugh at myself because I absolutely hated being cold! Most of my life, I'd had cold hands and feet--and when those digits are cold, well you're just plain cold and miserable.

Later on I would learn of other empathetic people similar to me having started to attempt suicides, as well. My beloved humanity--we have these thoughts and feelings more often than any of us lets on, and maybe by sharing our stories with one another--by opening up--that which is hidden can be brought into the Light of Love and Gratitude for all parts played.

As for my beloved friend and classmate, I don't have a sense of him wandering lost in the Near Earth Realms. I don't feel a sense of depression in my own energies in relationship to it. It feels like he's okay. I'm sad for all his loved ones here (myself included at times) because of the loss of him and all that they'd been through leading up to his death, but I have a sense that maybe he--his consciousness--mostly left his biological body during that last long surgery. He was meant to exit at that time, but maybe there was a little something he had yet to do here on Earth. Maybe it was to open the door to the Christ light on this very subject of suicide.

The Old Testament story, The Book of Job, has been at the forefront of my mind ever since my mom crossed over in 2001. It's struck me as amusing that Job's (pronounced with a long "o") life story seems to reflect what a "job" it is to be human. The job of the human done out of love and sacrifice for the wisdom gained for its soul. Job lost over and over again in every aspect of his human life. He lost his wealth, his entire family and loved ones, his friends, his health. 

In the end, though, everything he had lost was restored to him...and I FEEL the GRATITUDE and LOVE for everyone and everything he NOW had--it's huge, it's awesome--because, once upon a time he lost it all...

Love lets go. When we love, we seem to open ourselves up to an inevitable loss, and yet we continue to love and care and appreciate and feel...and maybe it's important for me to remember that when our world is in such a state of crazy divisiveness. 

I am here for all of this, to walk through this momentous change in our world, and I am here to stay for quite awhile yet...but because I weighed my options of whether to stay or go (I've done so many times before and since that one walk of suicide), I'm clear with myself about staying, even when some days feel pretty tough. It's painful sometimes to watch humans fighting with themselves and each other...and then I tell myself to step back, observe, love and appreciate the acting jobs of all these amazing souls playing at being Little Humans.

In our last hours together, Dad showed me when he plopped that paper towel on his head and it flopped on either side of his head like dog ears, that it's important to laugh to lighten things up when things feel at their darkest and hardest. To not take it all or myself so seriously...it's just a job, after all.

My dear departed friend, thank you for lightening up the lives of me and my loved ones by helping us to laugh and to smile and feel okay. Thank you for those little moments of kindness you probably forgot. It all made the job so much easier. I miss you...and...I'm going with the idea that losing you will just help me appreciate you all the more when I see you again.