About ten years ago, in some of the first messages I read, I remember Tobias (an ascended master channeled by Geoff and Linda Hoppe at crimsoncircle.com) saying I was going to have to COMPLETELY let go of ALL my stories, completely LET GO of ALL of MY PAST--let go of my identity as the "Penny" personality--in order to experience my enlightenment. He told Shaumbra we were going to want to let go of some of our stories, but only a percentage of them, because we liked our stories--at least parts of them. I have to admit, I was one of those mentally thinking, "Sure! No problem! I can do that instantly. Right here! Right now!" And in the next breath, I was back playing my old familiar Penny role.
Recently, I've been listening to, over and over again the following 4 messages available through crimsoncircle.com:
1. The Abundance Clinic (a free Cloud Class)
2. The last Shoud (July, 2014) of the Discovery series (it was about Kaikho--passion)
3. The first Shoud (Aug., 2014) of the Kharisma 1 series
4. The Dreamwalk into the Crystal Caves (a $25 Cloud Class)
All are offered through the crimsoncircle.com website, library and store; and all are the messages of Adamus St.-Germain channeled through Geoff and Linda Hoppe. I realized that, in all four messages, Adamus was helping me to focus on becoming aware of my own inner passion--that it was still there no matter how tired and often frustrated I felt. That it was just a matter of being aware it was there. That all my enlightenment was done. I had already ascended in consciousness, and my dense biology was following suit, just more slowly. That the best thing I could do was relax into experiencing my transformation--to allow myself to receive it, in ease and grace by dropping all my protective armor and barriers and opening myself up to LIFE! All that mattered was simply that I exist! I needed to simply CHOOSE to release myself (without a bunch of unnecessary processing) from the old Penny identity and personality. This would fan the flames of my passion--bring it to the forefront, which is where I wanted it to be.
The abundance--in all forms, whether in health, wealth, or truly unconditional loving relationships, etc.--that I experience while embodied here on Earth is in direct proportion to my passion TO LIVE here on Earth.
That's what Adamus has been saying all along, and it resonated with me from the start. If I don't have the desire and passion to LIVE, then the energies match that radiation of mine, and all my abundance and resources match that LACK of passion.
After the shoud on passion, I remember wondering where my own passion was. I tried to call it up--to feel it--but it still felt subdued. It didn't feel like the all-enveloping and energizing passion that Adamus said it should be. I felt pretty blah--and for all the pretty words and ideas I've expressed in this blog--I suddenly felt flat.
I simply needed a reminder that that passion of the soul--my soul--is what has sustained me through all the years of being asleep in the Old Earth experiences. It's that passion that naturally had me shaken awake into awareness of myself.
That reminder was lovingly provided by someone very dear to me, who contrasted for me how much I've passionately committed to my enlightenment all along--and how much many of those around me just dabble at this point. For years, I've been consciously applying--living and breathing--my enlightenment. The other person often falls asleep through the free Shouds with Adamus, and rarely pulls them up to listen to again or read after the initial webcast. I usually watch the webcast twice and read the text version--and I apply the insights in my everyday life.
I explored the subject of death in order to overcome my fears surrounding it. I'm the one risking everything, and giving up everything I once thought mattered in my old Penny life. I don't see anyone else close around me with that kind of passion about exploring consciousness and changing one's life. There is just no way I would ever go back to playing that old just Little Human Penny identity out again, even though I'm profoundly grateful for her in every moment and for everything--I'd rather die than go back.
I realized that, as much as I longed for at least one other person close to me being as passionate about enlightenment as I am, I realized that I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE PASSIONATE. Each individual has to choose and commit to enlightenment on his/her own. I can't give away enlightenment--and, believe me, I've tried. I've tried to share these wonderful messages that leave me feeling more excited about my life with others--but few are actually interested. I've spent my entire life trying to reach out and connect with friends and loved ones on their level--and I always end up feeling "wanting to connect," but never really experiencing a connection.
I finally realized I have to allow myself to receive it all FIRST. To live it out for myself and let those who are interested come to me, instead of me running out to care for them in their dramatic and traumatic moments. Allow them to seek me out simply because I exist, and they like that I'm here. I finally realized I don't have to be anything or do anything for anyone. I don't have to effort at being. I exist! And that is a gift. I AM a GIFT!...and I see everyone's life as such--I pretty much always have.
Love and Grace
Long before I ever heard of channeling, I remember having the profound realization that no matter what stories and atrocities were being acted out on the surface of things, that underneath it all, always present, was the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and FORGIVING GRACE we all had for ourselves and each other. I knew we were role-playing--acting out all kinds of identities and stories together. I even channeled that in the music I wrote:
...Little One--at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me!
It's all right. You've let your stories be told,
And in the Light of Day, BEHOLD:
You're a wonder!
Life's a Gift--
A celebration of ALL that IS!
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--Is LOVE!
I...am! I exist!
Penny didn't see herself as spiritually gifted or exceptionally talented in anything. She dabbled in tangents, and even though she knew she could be successful in the old consciousness realities, she just couldn't seem to summon up enough passion to stay committed to seeing any of it through. None of it mattered enough--not the awards, recognition, fame, status, goals.
She envied those who seemed to have spiritual gifts and abilities because she felt so ordinary--she didn't seem to have any. She cried way too easily--much to her embarrassment. And when it came to talking, she had difficulty expressing herself--she'd leave sentences dangling because she lost her train of thought as she worried about being rejected by whomever she was conversing with. Her words would just peter out as self-doubt barrelled in--she often felt unworthy and incapable of saying anything of substance, much less worthy of having anyone actually listen to her. Yeah, in that old high school graduation speech that she blundered and, of course, bawled through, about her life's dream being that of a lighthouse shining a light--it didn't seem to be amounting to much at all. She was just stuck with being an ordinary Little Human. God, it was miserable and boring and hopeless feeling.
Back in my "searching for God-I'm a Christian (I think)" days, someone advised me to pray for whatever I wanted through Christ--"in the name of Christ". To ask for something in the name of is the same as to ask for something in the same nature as. Well, at the time, I wanted to know "God" better, and I can't specifically recall how I worded it (doesn't really matter anyway), but I was lying on the sofa facing the sun in the west, with my eyes closed and I made my request in the name of Christ. It would take me decades to realize that it wasn't the man or superhuman, Jesus Christ, that I had opened up to--it was the CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS in ME!
As a result, I had an experience that was kind of cool, but it wasn't as kick-ass as I'd like to have thought at the time that a spiritual revelation should be. There were no golden angels, Jesus didn't show up, and I didn't have any conversations with "God." I kind of wrote it off as maybe it was something, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. I seemed to connect with the sun and whoosh at warp, or light-speed, through a vortex of cool flames. I could feel the pressure on my skull. But I didn't arrive anywhere grand. I popped into gray mist--lots of gray nothingness with an occasional bubble flowing through. I was aware of myself--but I had no body. I was at ease--it was peaceful. I was just awareness.
Just a few days ago, I realized I had, in fact, met my own divinity--my I am that I am. I met that part of me that had traveled through the Wall of Fire and emerged realizing that I was aware that I exist--and that's something to feel passionate about. What a GIFT--I exist!
Tobias and Adamus have always said that though we longed to return to our Original Source--the actual reality of going back to what was prior to all this experience in a human form would seem colorless and blah. There was no going back Home. It was a matter of consciously inviting HOME/my Divinity to be here where I am.
This morning, as I sipped my cappuccino while reconnecting with my "I am!"--I noticed what a colorful and textured contrast this reality (my body, the furniture, my cats, the living room and dining room, and the yard outside) was to that gray mist reality-void with a few bubbles floating through that I first experienced upon erupting through the Wall of Fire in that interdimensional journey that day. Granted, I felt at peace in those misty moments, but what a colorful and SENSUAL ARRAY of possibilities that experience in this Earth reality IS! What an amazing gift to have a human form to play in it in!
I finally more fully understand, and truly appreciate, what an accomplishment it was to densify ourselves enough, to lower our vibrations enough in order to have these sensual and tangible Human Being experiences of ourselves. What it must have taken to create all of this out of blah gray mist and a simple awareness that I exist. It's just one big WOW!!! And now, I choose to REALLY ENJOY the inherent abundance of it all--to allow it to manifest in ease and grace. To let myself enjoy the surprise, the gift that life is!
More and more each day I'm losing Penny--her personality--and finding ME! Since recalling that interdimensional experience, I'm more at peace in releasing her. I'll always exist, no matter what. This is all just an amazing act. What I once thought of as being rather sad--losing my Little Human Penny identity--I'm discovering is really FREEING. I no longer have to try to monitor and protect and uphold the Penny persona--she tried so damned hard to perfect herself, her humanity. Even as I write that and remember her, I feel my breathing get harder, my chest heavy with all that efforting and angst and strife. IN LOVE, I release her and integrate her into MY BODY of CONSCIOUSNESS.
I am Human and Divinity and Wisdom integrated as one body of consciousness--no more pretending that we're separate. Penny can rest in peace now...and I can NOW consciously allow myself a passionately joyful existence. I am! I am always in existence and alive, but now I'm truly LIVING!
Related Posts:
The True "Word of God" Is Written Upon YOUR Heart
I realized that, as much as I longed for at least one other person close to me being as passionate about enlightenment as I am, I realized that I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE PASSIONATE. Each individual has to choose and commit to enlightenment on his/her own. I can't give away enlightenment--and, believe me, I've tried. I've tried to share these wonderful messages that leave me feeling more excited about my life with others--but few are actually interested. I've spent my entire life trying to reach out and connect with friends and loved ones on their level--and I always end up feeling "wanting to connect," but never really experiencing a connection.
I finally realized I have to allow myself to receive it all FIRST. To live it out for myself and let those who are interested come to me, instead of me running out to care for them in their dramatic and traumatic moments. Allow them to seek me out simply because I exist, and they like that I'm here. I finally realized I don't have to be anything or do anything for anyone. I don't have to effort at being. I exist! And that is a gift. I AM a GIFT!...and I see everyone's life as such--I pretty much always have.
Love and Grace
Long before I ever heard of channeling, I remember having the profound realization that no matter what stories and atrocities were being acted out on the surface of things, that underneath it all, always present, was the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and FORGIVING GRACE we all had for ourselves and each other. I knew we were role-playing--acting out all kinds of identities and stories together. I even channeled that in the music I wrote:
...Little One--at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me!
It's all right. You've let your stories be told,
And in the Light of Day, BEHOLD:
You're a wonder!
Life's a Gift--
A celebration of ALL that IS!
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--Is LOVE!
I...am! I exist!
Penny didn't see herself as spiritually gifted or exceptionally talented in anything. She dabbled in tangents, and even though she knew she could be successful in the old consciousness realities, she just couldn't seem to summon up enough passion to stay committed to seeing any of it through. None of it mattered enough--not the awards, recognition, fame, status, goals.
She envied those who seemed to have spiritual gifts and abilities because she felt so ordinary--she didn't seem to have any. She cried way too easily--much to her embarrassment. And when it came to talking, she had difficulty expressing herself--she'd leave sentences dangling because she lost her train of thought as she worried about being rejected by whomever she was conversing with. Her words would just peter out as self-doubt barrelled in--she often felt unworthy and incapable of saying anything of substance, much less worthy of having anyone actually listen to her. Yeah, in that old high school graduation speech that she blundered and, of course, bawled through, about her life's dream being that of a lighthouse shining a light--it didn't seem to be amounting to much at all. She was just stuck with being an ordinary Little Human. God, it was miserable and boring and hopeless feeling.
Back in my "searching for God-I'm a Christian (I think)" days, someone advised me to pray for whatever I wanted through Christ--"in the name of Christ". To ask for something in the name of is the same as to ask for something in the same nature as. Well, at the time, I wanted to know "God" better, and I can't specifically recall how I worded it (doesn't really matter anyway), but I was lying on the sofa facing the sun in the west, with my eyes closed and I made my request in the name of Christ. It would take me decades to realize that it wasn't the man or superhuman, Jesus Christ, that I had opened up to--it was the CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS in ME!
As a result, I had an experience that was kind of cool, but it wasn't as kick-ass as I'd like to have thought at the time that a spiritual revelation should be. There were no golden angels, Jesus didn't show up, and I didn't have any conversations with "God." I kind of wrote it off as maybe it was something, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. I seemed to connect with the sun and whoosh at warp, or light-speed, through a vortex of cool flames. I could feel the pressure on my skull. But I didn't arrive anywhere grand. I popped into gray mist--lots of gray nothingness with an occasional bubble flowing through. I was aware of myself--but I had no body. I was at ease--it was peaceful. I was just awareness.
Just a few days ago, I realized I had, in fact, met my own divinity--my I am that I am. I met that part of me that had traveled through the Wall of Fire and emerged realizing that I was aware that I exist--and that's something to feel passionate about. What a GIFT--I exist!
Tobias and Adamus have always said that though we longed to return to our Original Source--the actual reality of going back to what was prior to all this experience in a human form would seem colorless and blah. There was no going back Home. It was a matter of consciously inviting HOME/my Divinity to be here where I am.
This morning, as I sipped my cappuccino while reconnecting with my "I am!"--I noticed what a colorful and textured contrast this reality (my body, the furniture, my cats, the living room and dining room, and the yard outside) was to that gray mist reality-void with a few bubbles floating through that I first experienced upon erupting through the Wall of Fire in that interdimensional journey that day. Granted, I felt at peace in those misty moments, but what a colorful and SENSUAL ARRAY of possibilities that experience in this Earth reality IS! What an amazing gift to have a human form to play in it in!
I finally more fully understand, and truly appreciate, what an accomplishment it was to densify ourselves enough, to lower our vibrations enough in order to have these sensual and tangible Human Being experiences of ourselves. What it must have taken to create all of this out of blah gray mist and a simple awareness that I exist. It's just one big WOW!!! And now, I choose to REALLY ENJOY the inherent abundance of it all--to allow it to manifest in ease and grace. To let myself enjoy the surprise, the gift that life is!
More and more each day I'm losing Penny--her personality--and finding ME! Since recalling that interdimensional experience, I'm more at peace in releasing her. I'll always exist, no matter what. This is all just an amazing act. What I once thought of as being rather sad--losing my Little Human Penny identity--I'm discovering is really FREEING. I no longer have to try to monitor and protect and uphold the Penny persona--she tried so damned hard to perfect herself, her humanity. Even as I write that and remember her, I feel my breathing get harder, my chest heavy with all that efforting and angst and strife. IN LOVE, I release her and integrate her into MY BODY of CONSCIOUSNESS.
I am Human and Divinity and Wisdom integrated as one body of consciousness--no more pretending that we're separate. Penny can rest in peace now...and I can NOW consciously allow myself a passionately joyful existence. I am! I am always in existence and alive, but now I'm truly LIVING!
Related Posts:
The True "Word of God" Is Written Upon YOUR Heart