In the Old Testament of the Christian Bible is a story referred to as The Song of Solomon. The gist of the story is about a bridegroom searching throughout the lands for his one-and-only true love, the other half to make him whole, his beloved bride. In the end, he realizes she was with him the entire time--he'd just been looking in the wrong places--places outside of himself. His bride had been with him all along, through everything he'd experienced.
The core energy of many of my old recurring dreams was similar to King Solomon's experience:
The Dance of the Asleep Human with Its Divinity....
I've written about some of my most puzzling recurring dreams in previous posts. One that often left me feeling so alone upon waking up in the mornings was where I was waiting for this man that I so loved to notice me and want to be with me.
Sometimes the guy was my first boyfriend who initially appeared angry with me because I had moved on and married someone else after he died instead of waiting for him. Of course, I realized even at the time of the dream that he was coming in that way because I was the one having trouble allowing myself to move forward into living a full and happy life without him.
In other dreams, it was a different guy who seemed to initially act like he was attracted to me, yet he never noticed me after that first startling connection. I was always on the outside looking in, longing to be seen....
Later, the dreams changed. my old boyfriend kissed me and told me he was proud of me--I had realized some profound life-changing things in my actual life that had set me free of that old survivor's guilt.
Then the other guy came in bearing gifts and wanting to spend time with me, but I put off allowing myself to receive his gifts and his presence because I was distracted by taking care of other people and their issues--by thinking I had to take responsibility for other's creations.
This morning I finally made the profound connection that these dreams were also making me aware of my own experience similar to that of King Solomon. Sometimes I was seeing through the eyes and feelings of the bride in my dreams--my own Divine Self, and sometimes I was the groom--my Human Self.
Me as My Humanity in my dreams--
I was never good enough:
I'd had some tough human experiences where I felt betrayed by "god," which was basically my own Divinity, and so I got angry and turned my back on god. I twirled my Divine dance partner out and away to the far side of the ballroom floor. I ignored her, and went about doing my own thing.
Then more difficult things happened where it seemed beyond my human abilities to deal with, so I began my search for god, but it was a god I perceived as being disappointed in me. I'd go to use the bathroom facilities--needing them in the most urgent manner, but I'd have an audience and the toilets would be overflowing with sewage, unusable. I would be a mess--soiled and embarrassed. Showers didn't work either. It was all so revolting and repulsive. I could never get cleaned up.
In my dreams I found myself actually swimming in disgusting human waste. I wasn't feeling worthy enough for some god-out-there's attention. My own awareness was so densely polluted with the garbage of other's ideas about who, what and how I was that my Divine Self had a tough time staying as close within me as it really wanted to be. She could only handle short amounts of time.
To the human facet, "god" felt so elusive and slippery. What worked to make that connection one time didn't seem as effective the next. Basically my belief of being a worthless sinner got in the way of my connecting properly with my own soul or my Divine facet. Plus, that whole idea of Jesus sacrificing himself in order to wash me clean just didn't make sense to me--I didn't want someone dying in order to save me. That just felt icky and loaded with conditions and more limitations.
It helped to replace the idea of being a "sinner" with simply being an "imperfect human" whose limitations were actually gifts to its soul, not something to atone for. We were never meant to be perfect here. That understanding has set me free in a huge way and has made me more open to a more realistic relationship with my own divinity.
Mass consciousness and mental processing are extremely prominent features here in the Earth reality, and they get in the way of our more spiritual or pure conscious awareness of oneself.
Mass consciousness is all the suggestions accepted by the majority of people as the truth about the way life is, who and what you are, and how you go about it.
It is a dense mine field to navigate. It's a cesspool of polluted consciousness--it's loaded with aspects created by humans who have an extremely limited concept of who and how they are in this world. So no wonder my dreams were so disgusting....
Me as My Divinity in my dreams:
In the meantime, my Divine self (the feminine half) ached with such longing to be noticed by my human self (the masculine half), and to be included in his daily life. I'd try to find just the right clothing to fit in, but somehow it would disappear from my drawers or my suitcases. My favorite comfortable, elegant clothing that made me stand out, yet feel a part of things, just vanished.
My human's perception of himself as being unworthy was blocking me out. I couldn't ask him to invite me in or force my presence on him--I had to wait for my human self to be ready and ask for me to come in of his own free will. I had to honor his free choice. He had to surrender to simply being imperfect--to allow himself to be without any judgment about it. Only then could I--my divinity--show him what a gift he was being for me by playing the imperfect part....all for me....
The Darkness is Your Divinity
We've been taught to fear the darkness--that which lies both within us and outside us. It's the source of evil, "they" say. Humans by their very nature are sinners, we've been taught.
Even as a child, I had a great respect and fear for what was waiting for me out there in the dark, especially when it was my turn to head out into the dark of night to close the door on the chicken coop in order to keep out nighttime predators. However, those earthly entities weren't the ones I was afraid of--I was more afraid of the ethereal things that I could sense were there but couldn't see. I made sure my trusty dogs were with me on the mad dash there and back, and when I'd get back to the house I'd take a few deep breaths to compose myself, and then walk inside to my family and act all nonchalant about it all.
And when my parents were away, out dancing for the night, I'd avoid looking out the windows--actually not even taking a glimpse in their general direction--for fear of what might be looking in at me. I pretty much felt watched all the time--sometimes it felt good, sometimes it felt sinister.
One of the first few channels that I read from ascended master, Tobias, of the Crimson Circle, stated that our darkness was our divinity. And that our divinity was connected with our compassionate feminine part that was hidden away within us, but now coming forth at this epic time of raised consciousness on the planet.
Both Tobias and Adamus Saint-Germain have stated that our darkness wasn't something to fight, like our stories passed down through the ages have told of the grand battle between the light and the dark, where only evil came from the dark.
Actually evil comes from creative humans who are scared and vulnerable-feeling. Who don't know they are the creators of their own realities so they are trying to get control of their external world by desperate means. Pretty much like a blind person backed into a corner, flailing and striking out at anything it perceives as a danger to his existence. That has a tendency to cause one to fight dirty. All honor and scruples fly out the door.
Instead, our darkness simply contained potentials that we couldn't see yet. It's pretty much the same story as Solomon's. It's hidden away within, and our five human senses couldn't perceive within too well, especially while being distracted with an outer world. "Invisible realm" would probably be a good replacement for the word, "darkness" and take away the common misperception that dark equals all bad.
In short, our human awareness was too limited to be able to clearly and constantly perceive our own divinity within and around oneself....until now....
The Christian fish symbol
In my dream, I watched as he rode away from me on his horse, and, though I knew he had a noble purpose in leaving, I grieved the loss of him in my life as he gradually faded into the mists....
The Christian fish symbol depicts the dance of the Divine and the Human facets. The mouth shows that both the Divine and the Human parts come from the same Eternal One or Source. The body depicts their movements away from the other, and then their paths finally move closer together and finally intersect and integrate together at the tail. It's open-ended from there....
It's a new kind of dance with the two in full awareness of, and companionship with the other....
What is Mastery?
Claiming my own mastery, giving myself that diploma of Embodied Ascended Master was perhaps one of the greatest gifts I could have given myself in this experience. It changed my entire demeanor--how I saw myself, how I presented myself, how I perceived my experiences and myself in them. I gave myself all my experiences--no one else did it to me.
Mastery isn't this thing you have to have an X-amount of schooling in in order to master a subject and earn a degree in, or in this case, a title. There is no set program or a sequential to-do list. Nobody else decides if or when you graduate into mastery--it's all up to you.
When I embraced my own mastery, I changed, and my world began to follow suit. My old energies began to neutralize and rearrange themselves to match my new consciousness radiation. Please note--it's been a gradual change, often felt and experienced within myself in a subtle way before being manifest in my outer world. Sometimes it feels agonizingly slow-going, but it's happening, nonetheless. I especially realize it when looking back to how and where I was a month, a year, or a decade or more ago.
And there is nothing woo-woo about being a master. It's simply you looking around and within and realizing, "I created this....Yes, I created that....and that....and that, too...all of it...."
The human delights, "What an experience, this being in a human form has been and is and can be now that I KNOW I am so much more than the Little Human just trying to survive! I am not alone. I never have been alone. Thank you, my Beloved Divinity for waiting for me, for being with me even when I didn't realize it, and for coming in to dance with me when I opened myself up to the possibility of you and invited you to join me...."
And your divinity and soul celebrates as the master gifts its grains of newfound wisdom. The master takes all its human stories, perceptions and experiences and burns away the details (pain, suffering, and misery), leaving only polished gems of wisdom. The polished part is that it is a compassionate wisdom--one that only experience as a human being can hone and buff to a loving shine.
Your soul, your I am! self breathes with joy, "Thank you, my Beloved Human, always for being in all your ways....and now that you remember I am here with you, we can really dance...."
And so I dance....
I used to be so worried about how I looked dancing and what others thought of me. I was all stiff and restricted in my movements. I held myself in. And that's exactly the way my life played out.
This dance with my divinity hasn't made me any holier or more saintly-acting, not really. I'm just flowing through my life more freely, more wholly Me....
and I'm perfectly imperfect, and proud of it....
The Dance
By Penny Lewton Binek
Passion and his beloved Compassion
glide a path together--
sometimes breaking apart,
sometimes framing the other, heart-to-heart--
waxing and waning
'round the floor of the Flagstone Terrace.
They dance through the annals of the ages,
the picture book that is my mind,
to the wildly whirling-twirling,
strangely-peaceful dervish
that is my heart,
in rhythm to the song
that is my soul....
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