Hey There, GUILT--We're Done!

If you've read any of my earlier posts, you know that I've struggled long and hard with feelings of guilt. My beloved Adamus Saint Germain (via crimsoncircle.com, the Nov., 2012 Shoud) shared with us last month the key to finally letting all those stories of guilt go--completely this time. It's been an amazing month of releasing myself from old prisons I'd put myself in.

Adamus made the shocking, seemingly outrageous statement about Self-Forgiveness:

"Self-forgiveness is as simple as saying, 'That wasn't me! May have looked like me, sounded like me...That wasn't me!'"

I actually immediately discovered that this resonated with me. I've realized for a long time that the things I did in the past that I've wished I hadn't done--well, I did them blindly out of fear and desperation. I was in survival mode. And the more I've embraced enlightenment in me (it's been as simple as saying, "Yes! I AM ENLIGHTENED!"), the more I realize I'm not interested in harming or controlling anyone. The more truly compassionate and appreciative I've become of all of life.

Years ago I came across this analogy of two pictures that helped me put all the conspiracy theories I indulged in to permanent rest:

The first picture is a close-up of a horrendously, evil-looking man. He's not fair in his actions--he fights dirty, without honor. He actually appears crazy. 

The second picture is a broader view of the first so you can see that the man is backed into a corner. It's dark, but behind him you can see his wife and his children--all that he holds dear, all that he's trying to protect. Suddenly that evil maniac doesn't appear evil at all. It was all just a matter of perspective.

Truly enlightened, sovereign beings have no fight in them, nor do they desire having power over, or responsibility for, another. If anything, I've discovered the desire in me to empower each individual in themselves--but, sovereign that I recognize them to be--they don't have to choose that either.

After reading the story of Saul-turned-Paul in the New Testament, I wondered for years how Paul managed to get over the guilt he had to have been feeling over killing all those Christians prior to his enlightenment on the road to Damascus. Adamus's above statement on self-forgiveness now makes a whole lot of sense. That wasn't Paul who killed those Christians. A name denotes a nature--a way of being--and Paul wasn't anything like the Saul who did those murderous acts. Saul was an alone-feeling man trapped in the darkness, caught up in his traditions. He was afraid for his own survival and those he loved--similar to the man in the picture analogy. It's WHY he changed his name--his entire nature had changed!

This also puts into perspective why I had such difficulty ever calling Yeshua/Jesus my savior. You see, I was guilty of murder if I believed I was the one responsible for nailing him up on that cross. I had enough feelings of guilt to deal with in other areas of my life without piling on murder. While, in my past, I used to be so terrified of some people I had judged as being evil that I felt the only way life would be better is if they just died, I didn't have it in me to kill them. Not this time around.

As far as taking responsibility for those things in my past that I regret--I choose to do so with self-compassion--which is simply unconditional self-acceptance/self-love. First of all, that wasn't the true me that did those things. That was an all-alone, unworthy-feeling, desperately scared, human--trying to perfect and protect herself, always hitting brick walls of self-judgment and self-condemnation. I wasn't self-aware. I wasn't awake yet. I was entangled in a web I'd created but had no idea how I did it--or how to un-create it. But, that evil-looking person of yesterday struggled long and hard to bring the true me forth as I AM right this moment.

And while I realize that that evil-appearing me wasn't me at all, I'm forever grateful to her...so grateful that I'm unwilling to carry around feelings of guilt about her actions. I choose to let her go. I choose to let go of feeling guiltily responsible for her actions. For me, the responsible thing to do is to simply say, "That wasn't me! That wasn't me! How I love her, but that wasn't me! And I'm honoring her by building a new life founded instead on love, compassion and joy in being--in place of the guilt and misery. 

I AM here, and I AM happier that I've ever been before...Thanks so much for the simple reminder, Adamus.