Armored for Rejection? I was....

 This morning I reread an old channel from 2006 on being a standard:

Crimson Circle 2006 Clarity Series Midsummer New Energy Conference: Adamus Channel (This is a link to the text version, but Audio is also available. Just click on the Clarity Series 2005-2006 in the Crimson Circle website and you'll find it).

Sixteen years ago, I probably listened twice to the above audio channel and then read through the text version also. Things felt very new, even though they resonated, and the profundity or depth of the material easily overwhelmed my mind. I remember staying fully awake through the first listening, but the second time around I would invariably fall asleep. My brother, Steve, experienced the same thing. It wasn't a hypnosis either. It was an awakening to who I really am, to who we all really are.

There is one section that stood out for me:

"You were persecuted for your beliefs. You were persecuted for what you were trying to do at the time. Because of your experience with the Orders, the Orders that you loved so deeply, great pain was brought to you. And it wasn’t just the blood, it was the emotional pain.

The emotional pain for many of you of being asked to leave the order. The remembrance of what it was like to step before the council on Earth at that time and be asked to leave. The feeling of rejection, the feeling of being put out from a group who you loved so dearly, who you committed yourself to so dearly, who you fought for, who you defended.

But I ask you to take this moment to remember and to feel the energy of that moment when you were asked to leave, and why you were asked to leave. And although it has caused difficulties and hardship for you ever since, there was a reason, my dear loved ones.

You had grown so much in your own right. You had become so enlightened and experienced in your own way that the Order itself was no longer appropriate for you. You were asked to leave to go out and discover things for yourself now, to go out and collect and to learn and to grow on your own so that we could come back together again at this moment, in this day of convergence, with all you have picked up along the way, with your wisdom and your love, with the lessons you have learned about yourself and about humanity, and bring them back to this spot.

You have been out harvesting Life, learning Life. You were the teacher who went out to become a new student so that you could return again once more as a new Teacher. And that is why we asked you to leave. It was an honor, although it may not have appeared that way at the time. It was a blessing to you and to All That Is."

While I fully grasp the necessity in being made to leave those I loved so dearly--you really cannot be a full-fledged sovereign when you're so deeply enmeshed with a group. You can't discern your own voice from those you feel so connected to. Going alone for awhile is what sovereignty is about. You have to cultivate a loving and balanced relationship with oneself, the core, if you want to manifest it in your world.

But to be kicked out, to be rejected, ejected out there without a soft place to land? That hurt on a level more painful than physical abuse or torture. I should know. I've been trying throughout this entire lifetime to not feel that awful piercing, breath-sucking pain of being outcast by those I loved and admired and respected. Yet it was happening time and time again, no matter how much I loved and even protected them, saw the best in them even when they let me down. It hit me right in the gut and in the heart--and it shackled me.

You see, I've always been on the outside looking in. Whether it be my biological or married family, spiritual family like Crimson Circle, my class, my school, my friends, my partners, my community, any causes I felt drawn to. I may feel a part of them all for a bit, but eventually I saw what was happening again and again and again. I was always playing the part of supporting actress. No one seemed to truly understand me, or care to.

I know that sounds like a poor pitiful me story....and....I know I created it. I take full responsibility for manifesting it and perceiving it the way I did. But the fear of the pain of rejection was so great that I've had iron-clad armor on this entire time. It was my way of coping. I was trying to protect myself--and that unconscious radiation of a barrier bubble attracted to me a load of experiences of being rejected, unseen, unimportant. Betrayed even, let down, shamed into feeling bad about myself. 

I am the queen of rejection....and.... I am sovereign of my domain.

I have written about having made the connection with another lifetime of my soul, one where I referred to myself as "The Dark Lady." She was the one who basically said, "To hell with it all!" and she dove into evil like never before. I've known that she's been a wounded aspect that influenced my lifetime as Penny by me carrying a huge bag of guilt and shame that didn't really fit anything I've done this time around. I have the scars to prove it. But today my understanding went deeper. I'm finally grasping that she distorted her light into such horrific actions because of the life-altering pain of rejection by those with whom she connected so deeply with in matters of Light and Love--of Consciousness. I can actually feel this awareness tingling within me as I write.

Last weekend I was anticipating a special channel Adamus St-Germain was doing with Shaumbra on Tuesday in honor of  Two's Day, 2-22-22. Out of the blue, I started experiencing back pain that has stayed with me all the way through to this morning, 8 days later. Nothing relieved it, not even walking, or rather, trying to walk. On Tuesday I made the connection to the pain being related to the old power games raging to the surface due to the huge power vortex that has Russia and the Ukraine at war, as well as a lot of other saber-rattling, as Adamus put it, going on around the world. Even here in the US of America and in Canada. In our personal lives, too. There's a huge anger to it that fuels it.

For me, I knew that I put the painful symptom in my back here, and that it was an old power struggle coming out from my own soul's experience. I was getting some benefit from the pain, but I couldn't seem to release it even though I'm done with suffering and self-sacrifice nonsense. I'm shaking my head now because the core personal truth of the moment I've been operating from has been hitting me square between the eyes, for all my life, experience after experience after experience. My master self has been yelling at me, "Penny! You're trying not to feel rejected!!! You had a life expression that felt it so deeply she reacted in knee-jerk anger and victimhood that resulted in having your soul even wonder where that evil out-lash came from. You're afraid of not being able to survive the PAIN of REJECTION! Or at least, not survive it gracefully without horrendous consequences."

Hell, I've been rejected far more often than anything else it seems....and....I'm still here....and I'm no longer a crazed, cornered-feeling bitch either (I have to grin). Regardless, I appreciate me--all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly--and the part that can see it all as the big picture. The canvas of contrasts that is the duality that gave my soul this Earthly human experience that helped me learn how my own field of energy serves me.

The armor against rejection is off. I cried a bit as I let myself feel all that pain of being left out. I had to take off my big-girl panties for a moment in order to do it, to feel into the core of me, to honestly see things as they were. I replayed a lot of scenes through my mind--and I didn't have to dig deep. They were all right at hand, as they have been all along. I just didn't know how to address them until I knew. That's the way sovereignty works. You can hear things, even repeat things that really resonate with you, but you don't realize them for yourself until it's the perfect time for you.

FYI: My back is feeling better and more flexible than it has all week. I felt it loosen as I cried in the mirror, and it's improved more and more as I wrote this out.

It's all okay. No matter what. We're all okay....and....I know this for myself. Not because somebody else told me so....

Hope and Redemption for the Awakening Self-Righteous Frenenemy, Villain, Liar, Cheat

"I did it all wrong...."

I don't know what he meant because he didn't elaborate on it, but these are the words Grandpa said to his son, my dad, towards the end of a very rocky and tumultuous relationship. They couldn't seem to see eye to eye on anything, yet they couldn't stay away from each other either. In retrospect, I sense they liked the power struggle game they played out together. They were having fun with it....until they weren't.

Something shifted with them when Dad told us what Grandpa had said. Afterwards, they spent a day fishing together, just the two of them. That was an unprecedented event between a man--a survivor--who saw his family through the Great Depression and a son who was a bit more sensitive than many men of his era, those who grew up during World War II. 

My dad probably wouldn't have liked being called sensitive--most men of his time wouldn't--but the truth is I see the kindness and vulnerability stuffed and hidden beneath the mask of a tough exterior and a black and white sense of right and wrong. I saw it in my grandpa, too. I see it in everyone, actually, and the more macho the talk, the more obvious it is that someone is trying to get a handle on their own fear.

I love and appreciate the men in my life just as I love and appreciate the women....and what's coming about right now is we're in an era of bringing into balance the masculine and the feminine facets that exist in every single one of us. We're bringing it into a healthy and delightful dance. In other words--the Power Game Survival of the Fittest is obsolete and on its way out. The villain roles are no longer needed.

"Bring that which is hidden into the Light."

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've been passionate about changing the endings of most of our stories of the ages where the villain dies in the end. It's never truly felt like a happy or even fully resolved ending to me. I won't be sitting in the front row seat of anyone's execution, no matter how awful a person has been. I am saddened and hurt at the heinous acts unawakened humans are capable of doing....and....I am also aware of the potential of immensely compassionate inspiration they could provide to their world by waking up, grabbing the bull by the horns and saying out loud, "I did something wrong."

Someone once did that with me on the subject of molestation--they apologized to me without trying to justify it--and it forever changed the course of my life and my perspective. I'm writing and addressing stuff I once thought I'd never bring up--things I felt ashamed of, embarrassed about, guilty over. All because someone had the courage to say, "I'm sorry."

Bring me your weary and awakening self-righteous frenemies, villains, liars and cheats....

My purpose in writing this is to give everyone a soft place to land, to rest, to reflect, to weep, to feel into the REAL YOU!

....put down your weapons, take off your macho armor, and open those shut-down terrified hearts to hope....to brand new beginnings.

You--we are ALL so much more than these Little Human roles we've been playing out together. I would so love you to know that before you die because that helps change and elevate our world more than you having all these realizations on the other side of the Veil, after the fact.

These past two years of the coronavirus have brought out the Self-Righteous Frenemy aspect.

These are the "friends" who believe they have a moratorium on how we should all be. They think they are the intellectuals whom people need to follow because humans just can't be trusted to manage their own lives as well as someone "more knowledgeable of 'the facts' can."

Frankly, I don't like being told how to be. Political correctness is a lying bunch of bullshit if it isn't coming from a sincere heart--and we can all see through bullshit, if we choose.

These so-called friendly posers actually believe they have the best interests of the world at heart, but they are so blind to their own self-righteousness that they can't see what they are actually doing. It often involves pointing fingers of blame at someone else....and....those fingers always manage to do a 180, and point right back at the pointer.

And....unawakened and unaware humans have been too quick to give their own sovereignty and responsibility for their own life into the hands of someone else all too happy to play the power game out with them.

I am all about freedom here, and I trust you to be the best version of yourself you can be when you've awakened to whom you really are. Suddenly all those causes and power struggles cease to matter, and it becomes more of a focus on living your best life, regardless of what anyone else thinks....and no longer whining about how naughty someone else is being.

If you've played the role of frenemy, it's really okay, you know. You are well-placed to bring some light and humor to the whole subject. I'll forgive you because, of course, I've dabbled in that, too.

Don't try to excuse, rationalize or justify your indiscretions...

To be human--especially unawakened to the more that you are--means you are capable of having done atrocious acts in order to play in the game of Survival of the Fittest. We've all been there, done that....maybe not so much in this particular lifetime for some, but we've most likely played some evil, twisted stuff out in other lifetimes.

You can really bring in the Light to some of the darkest places and reveal otherwise unseen potentials of resolution, but you have to choose it and want it with all of your heart and being....

I won't hold anyone accountable for their evil acts if they truly and sincerely choose to take responsibility for themselves and seek as passionately for a way to make amends as they did to do their power-seeking deeds. 

As in my favorite parable, The Little Soul and the Sun, given to us by Neale Donald Walsh:

"Thank you for playing the villain roles for me so I could experience the concept of foregiveness. I know the sacrifice it took to forget the light and goodness that you are in order for you to play those awful parts for me....I KNOW the love you have for me that made you volunteer to do it. You have my utmost gratitude....

You asked me to help you remember who you are after I had my realization about forgiveness....well, here I am, my love....

That wasn't the real you....and now that you know that, your special brand of shining light can reveal potential resolutions and solutions to your world that you didn't see back in those days of your own villainous roles. You don't have to say a word--just relax and open your heart to seeing the true you--a gift always, in all your ways....

And....it's all okay. We're all alright....

Be the inspiration that you are, right here, right now....I'll start it off by giving you a great big bear hug....

It's all going to work out....

The Road to Enlightenment, Job, and the Prodigal Son

"On the road to enlightenment, I lost it all."

I don't think I've ever heard a more scary set of words. It had me wondering what next thing or being I held dear was going to be jerked away from me, whether by my own soul or by events outside of myself that I can't seem to change, no matter how open or relaxed I am throughout most of my day. No matter how much I allow myself to just be the imperfect human that I am without trying to change anything. No matter how I know, deep-down, that we're really all okay.

I am observing my identity as Penny, and her old connections to everyone and everything, literally crumbling away. While part of me understands and celebrates that that is exactly what should be happening, the other part--the weary and wary human vessel who's lost so much already along this path--is still feeling a bit scared of the next shoe dropping. It's been a long and hellish haul, interspersed with little bits of heaven and a whole lot of hope. And reminders to myself to return to myself and remember that it's all working out, that we're all okay, no matter what happens in this human realm of experiences galore.

Two stories in the Christian bible have deeply resonated with me throughout this self-realization journey: The Old Testament story of Job, and the New Testament parable delivered by Jesus/Yeshua--The Prodigal Son. They are both stories about a beloved son of "God"/The Eternal One who lost it all on their own paths to enlightenment. And their losing it all stories have been horror stories to me--but I've been hanging onto the outcomes of both for dear life! Everything they'd lost was restored to them in the end. I also recognized the greater appreciation they must have felt for everything because they'd experienced the loss of something that they probably took for granted as always being there.

This morning, as I'm downing the last of my cappuccino, it struck me that I've been viewing these stories from the perspective of a human life and all that we lose as we grow from infant to however old we are when we cross over to the other side of the veil. I haven't been grasping that the truest and greatest loss of all of any being is to lose sight of one's own divinity--your own soul, that "I am that I am" self. 

To forget who you really are and believe that all you are is a singular Little Human with a "this is who and how I am and what I do" identity. Talk about being locked in a prison and having the key thrown away lifetime after lifetime of incarnating as an experiencer for your soul. We are all here experiencing out of love for our souls, and for each other.

Every single human is already a Job--we lost remembrance of who we were the moment we were born. Same as the prodigal son. The human incarnation is the road to enlightenment or self-realization. Or to put it more simply, it's the road to wisdom and the understanding of how our own individual field of energies serves us--a singular pinpoint of awareness--that part within each of us that realizes "I exist." And it happens by us forgetting who we really are and thinking we're just these little human beings trying to survive in a daunting and often cruel world of loss after loss after loss.

What am I getting at here? It's a pretty subtle shift in perspective, so subtle that I'm still feeling into it as I'm writing this down. What it means for me, though, is that I no longer have to worry about the next shoe dropping on me to squash me and my hopes and dreams to smithereens. It seems to be dissolving that niggling fear away: I don't have to be afraid of losing anymore. I'm not on that journey to enlightenment anymore. I arrived a very long time ago....

On my road to enlightenment, I did lose it all--the moment I was born and began forgetting who I truly am....

And now I am in the restoration phase....I'm not losing anymore....

I am re-membering....

I am finally done anticipating the next drop of that mean old shoe....

P.S. I am fully aware that my perspectives on life and death could easily turn out to be a bunch of blarney and BS....and....I'm totally okay with that, because by looking deeper and seeing the best in myself and everyone and everything else (regardless of the act being played out in front of me)--I more freely, peacefully, gratefully and abundantly live right here, right now....

Thank you All for helping me decorate my soul....

The Key to Using the "I never did anything wrong" Tool

 One short thought here:

None of us ever truly did anything wrong, even though we humans have done such evil atrocities to each other throughout the ages. They were all temporary experiences done by a lost and terrified, trying-to-survive Human costume who had no idea of his own creatorship or sovereignty. It didn't even perceive its own soul.

Our human aspect was the Experiencer for our soul's understanding of itself. It sacrificed itself over and over, sometimes doing things that cannot, nor should be, justified.

"So, if all the bad things I did can't be justified and excused away how can you say I never did anything wrong?"

From the Eternal soul's broad standpoint, it was all just experience created by brave and loving angels pretending to be Little Humans, and playing out different scenarios and roles together. Death is not real. Energy stealing is not real. 

Admit and Release

While you can mentally begin to grasp this concept, on the other hand, within the emotional and physical level of your being, you are still feeling guilty and ashamed. 

And no amount of trying to tell yourself otherwise will get you out of that loop of FEELING of wrongdoing until you admit TO YOURSELF that you did something wrong. 

That is the key: Admit to yourself that you did something wrong.

That opens the door for your own Wisdom and Soul to come in and help you release permanently all that pain and guilt and anguish you carry around.

Admit your feelings of guilt and sadness and shame over your own perceived wrongdoings...and that will truly set you free.

That, my beloved brothers and sisters, is what happened with me all those years ago as I was washing dishes and asking the god within me why I was having such difficulty with judging others when I was trying so hard not to. My soul's wisdom came forth and told me it loved me always and in all my ways.

"Well, what about this time? I really am so ashamed of myself. I wish I could have a do-over so I would never have made the choice to do it in the first place."

"Penny, I loved you even then. Tell me more of the things you feel guilty about."

"This one is when I REALLY screwed up. I just want to curl up and die. God! How could I have done this?"

"Yes--even then I still loved you. I love you, Penny--always. In all your ways. Unconditionally accept and let yourself love you as I do first, and then everyone and everything else in your world is easy to love. All judgment disappears."

And with that conversation with my own soul within, my world began to fall apart and begin anew...all because I had the courage to go within and to quit running away from myself and some truly hard truths. 

Open up your own conversation with your own god within, allow yourself to admit to being the imperfect human that you are, and set yourself free...

"I did it. I put it there. Why?": Going Beyond Having Done Something Wrong To Deserve Pain and Trauma

 "I must have done something absolutely wrong to deserve this..."

I have a sense, based in my own experience, that most humans who get diagnosed with an awful illness or who suffer some sort of traumatic and painful loss in their lives believe deep-down in their gut that they did something wrong and that some god out there is punishing them for it through their current situation. And often if it's a diagnosis that seems to have no cure currently available, then one's own physicians have a tendency to reflect back an idea that "this is a permanent thing and you're just going to have to get realistic about it."

I beg to whole-heartedly differ. There is no way out of that jail cell if you perceive your life with that perspective. You may as well save yourself a whole lot of suffering and just lay down and die right there.

"If it's in my life, I put it there, and I'm getting some benefit from it being there...and...I am the only one who can un-create it." 

What is this experience's service to me? Why would I do this to myself? What do I believe I did wrong to deserve this? What is my greater good in allowing myself to go through this temporary experience? Scary questions to ask oneself...and...hugely empowering and a game-changer if you dare to be so bold.

"I didn't do anything wrong--ever--not really."

Now, the human part of you is going to have trouble with this one--I did, many times over--so you're going to have to practice over and over again allowing this to be viewed from your Soul's perspective. Step off the human stage for a moment and close your eyes and take a few good deep-down breaths and feel into this: 

Imagine yourself in the audience, with a clearer and broader view of the entire scenario  than that performing actor has in his little spot in the play. Imagine that everything in your life has been your soul playing Let's Pretend I'm a Little Human.

"I exist!! I am THAT, I am! ...and...I am that, too...and that..."

The Soul/Your Divine Self delights in you, its human actor--The experiencer--because it's through the human self that a single pinpoint of consciousness awareness gets to understand who it is and to experience all its creations. The human experiences are then distilled into wisdom--a compassionate wisdom--by the Master self and that is gifted back to the Soul. 

Everything--all of this thing called life is just an act of consciousness.

You are a gift to your Soul. Period. It doesn't judge you. You judge you, my beloved human, and that's what is attracting these limitations--diseases and traumas--to your life. I am hoping that by presenting you with a perspective that unburdens you of any guilt and shame that you, too, will go beyond all the suffering and into a new lease on, and appreciation of, your own life.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Guilt isn't the only reason we humans put ourselves through trauma and disease. Sometimes our own souls put ourselves through challenging experiences in order to shake us awake out of the human mental dream stream in order to realize that we're something more and far grander than the Little Human being that we thought we were.

For example, I had my first boyfriend die in a motorcycle accident. Yes, I did--I put it there. I know it shifted my entire outlook on life. Yes, I felt guilty for nearly three decades believing I had done something wrong to deserve losing him--that I'd taken him for granted. I felt as though some god out there grabbed me by the back of the neck and shoved my face into the gravel, grinding the stones into my flesh--all because I wasn't doing something right or good enough.  I feelingly believed I was this sinning little human who needed discipline and guidance from someone other than myself. And the more I blamed and fell out of trust with my inner self, the further I got away from the real me, the worse my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual experiences. 

I created a whole lot of pain and suffering for myself. Some of it was my soul shaking me awake, and some of it was so I could relate to other divine souls who'd been lost in their human identities and stories of suffering, too.

As awful as all that was, it also drove me deeper within myself. I became more aware of myself, and I started asking questions that I'd never thought to ask before.

One of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself came from that dark night of the soul experience of losing someone so dear to me. I made a clear and conscious choice to make sure that everyone dear to me in my life knew, without any doubt, that I loved them, regardless of whether I agreed or disagreed with them in our last moments in one another's company.

I also found myself in such a state of self-doubt and distrust in my ability to make sound decisions that, well, it brought on a whole new slew of issues and experiences surrounding self-limitation, self-monitoring, self-control. I was afraid to ask for anything I truly wanted for fear of it being selfish and wrong--and oofta!--what a tangled web I wove from there on. I gave the responsibility for living my own life to "others" outside of me. 

This entire blog is pretty much my realization of how I got what I got in life when I was coming from a very limited perception of who I was, and how I was completely unaware of making choices that manifested as difficulties...until I just NATURALLY woke up in those last weeks with my dad as he crossed over to the other side of the veil. 

All the human stuff--relationships, finances, education, work, business, politics, even religion--I discovered none of it really mattered to me when it was all said and done. All that mattered was the LOVE and the GRATITUDE I felt for everyone who touched my life, regardless of whether it was in a dark or a light way. I began to slowly, but surely, take my own freedom and sovereignty over my own life back.

It took time. It took unrelenting self-forgiveness for everything I believed I had done wrong which ultimately transformed into the compassionate gratitude of my soul for ALL the parts and roles I played, and that everyone--the energies all around and within me in service specifically to me--played and pretended to be for me.

Four days ago, as the idea of writing this post was first fomenting in my heart and thoughts, I let my kitties outside to enjoy the sunshine throughout the day. I act as their doorman--letting them in and out as they wish, occasionally going outside to see that they are staying put, and playing with them a bit. We have a good-sized back yard that's fenced in, but there are holes that critters can slip through and under in some places, and most of our neighbors have dogs. 

A couple weeks ago, I had let Gracie out, and was just going out the back door to check on her when I decided to go out the front door instead to mail a letter first. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to see her looking in at me from the front steps! She plays with a squirrel and she's been hanging out along the base of the fence line, poking her nose into the neighbor's yard. Evidently, she poked her entire body through that day and found herself out front. And that's a big treat for a cat who isn't usually allowed to roam about up there...and of course, she did it again even though I thought I'd plugged up the holes.

This past Tuesday was a particularly lovely and sunny day in January, so I was encouraging my cats to get outside and get the most from it. I was just about to lock up the back garage door for the day, when Tiff decided she wanted out once more, so I let her out, and Gracie followed suit. I had a twinge of hesitation at letting Gracie out again, but shook it off. A few minutes later, Tiff came in, but there was no sign of Gracie yet. 

After a few checks and calls from the door to see if she was ready to come in, I finally took a tour around the yard, looking in her favorite hidey holes, all to discover there was no Gracie to be found anywhere in our back yard. I peeked over and through fences and I called and called--but no sign of my Gift of Gracie--only the neighbors' dogs. Suddenly there seemed like an awful lot of dogs--all of whom I love, too. They just weren't my Gracie, and I wasn't sure how an interaction between them and her would turn out. You know how easily fear of the worst scenarios can slip into your mind when change from the routine happens.

I finally quit searching, turned on the Lighthouse lights, and kept myself open for her to come home to me.

It wasn't until my husband returned home later than usual from work and three and a half hours of combing the neighborhood calling for her as it grew darker and colder that we finally quit searching and turned all the outdoor lights on. Neither of us was hungry, but I started putting some supper together just to keep myself occupied, and I checked the back door for the umpteenth time to finally see our beloved cat reaching up to the handle of the back screen door, wanting in.

Now, I know other people let their cats come and go all the time without worry or thought, but we've tried to keep our cats in our own yards out of respect for our neighbors and for our own peace of mind. And these cats are as dear to us as human children would be--to lose them is to lose a true family member.

All the while Gracie was gone, I was aware of choosing to not berate or blame myself for having let her out. I wasn't even angry with her--different from how I'd been previously through the years of having cats. I kept reminding myself to not get all upset and jump to the worst possible outcomes, even though it felt like we had a lot of dogs out in the neighborhood. Our Molly cat had been viciously mauled by a stray dog right in front of me several years ago. I kept feeling into and telling myself to stay open (instead of defensive), and to let my friendly energies serve me with ease and grace and joy in being. 

Something my husband said made me state out loud, "I put this here for a reason. It's in my life. I put it here. Why would I do that?" And that realization shifted something in me and kept me open to what felt like a miracle at her safe return.

A couple years ago, Adamus Saint-Germain (crimsoncircle.com) had encouraged us to come up with a personal word or gesture to remind us to keep our field of energy open as a practice throughout the day. He said that by doing so, even something that felt like an attack would disperse and neutralize before it hit us. 

He also said that with an awakened unlimited conscious awareness that we couldn't make "wrong" choices--that even those would right themselves. That was one of the concepts I realized when I still let Gracie go outside and disregarded that intuitive hesitation to keep her in. It felt pretty uncertain and scary for a bit, but it did right itself. 

I really didn't do anything wrong, and neither did Gracie...we had an experience together...and it turned out to be an enlightening and freeing experience for me.

I have a feeling I put that entire experience in my life so I would include it in this post. I'm certain of it. People can encourage and tell me all kinds of valuable life-easing tidbits--but I'm more likely to take them in and actually utilize them for myself when I hear or read it applied in a story.

Stop saying "My fill in the blank with a disease."

I feel myself inwardly cringe anytime I hear someone claim an illness as their own. For instance, calling something "my breast cancer." It has a feeling of permanence to the statement when you claim it as something you own. But close your eyes and feel into it for yourself. State it two different ways. 

"This is my chosen treatment for 'my cancer.'"

"This is my chosen treatment for my experience of cancer."--experiences can be temporary, a sensual exploration of what it can be like to be limited in a certain way. 

It's all in what we radiate out into our worlds--our perspective. 

Relaxed openness, or limitation and defensiveness. Is your universe full of friendly energies in service to you, or do you have to fight to survive and get what you need? Is it you against your world? Are there no miracles in your world, or is everything in your world a miracle?

I think all of us came here at this time to put much-needed Lights of Love and Clarity in dark places where humans feel so stuck, to bring about different outcomes than those of the past...

Much love, my dear friends. Your conditions don't have to be permanent or even what you die from. You didn't do anything wrong to deserve any type of punishment from a god or anyone else--you've just been asleep in the Little Human dream, doing the best you knew how. 

Maybe you even gave up at times and gave others the dark acts they seemed to expect from you--but that wasn't the real you. Use that insight gained from all the darkness experienced for the wise compassion you can now extend out to others in your world. That evil act or two was just a knee-jerk I'm just a Little Insignificant Human reaction. You are well-placed to shine a light of inspiration into your world on that subject. 

There is such creative goodness and light in you--just open yourself up to the idea it's there, and you won't be disappointed.

Boosting Your Immune Systems During CO-VID, Flu, and Cold Season

Rather than just reacting to getting sick, how about changing perspective and taking action to give yourself support before contracting any virus or disease? And if you're in the midst of it or you've already had the virus, help build your immunity and strength back up?

For starters, get back into your own body and become aware of what is happening within you. Lie back, close your eyes, take a few good deep breaths into your diaphragm below your lower rib cage: Inhale through your nose (1,2,3,4). Hold the breath in the diaphragm (1,2,3,4). Exhale the breath out through your mouth (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8). 

Now, feel into your heartbeat and keep gently breathing. Then do a body scan, and if you notice any points of pain or tense muscles, place your awareness there. Take another deep breath, remind yourself, "I'm okay," while you explore and feel into the tension and describe the pain to yourself like you're researching it. Diving into fully experiencing the pain this way helps me shift out of the fear of it and the mental-emotional trigger of it. All of this will help you get relaxed, and the more relaxed you are, the less the fear, the less the pain. If you cry, that's good, because tears help you release toxins--just be sure to hydrate yourself.

Sometimes I've needed some pain medication or therapy to help lessen the severity of the spasms so I could relax enough to do this. I've even resorted to using a cough syrup once when I had the flu a few years back--it was settling in my chest and was so painful even steaming myself and all my other alternative remedies weren't relieving it.

Always stay hydrated by drinking plenty of fluids.

The Body Pendulum: 

I use the body pendulum while standing upright. For those who are accustomed to using a crystal as a pendulum, this is the same thing. You just don't need a tool to carry around because the tool is you!

The body pendulum is a simple tool I use to ask my body and inner awareness or intuition yes or no questions to help me discern if certain foods, medicines, items are something that are supportive to what I'm looking for in that specific moment. 

I hold the object to my heart area with both hands, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and ask, "Is this right for me?"

If I lean forward towards the item, onto my toes or balls of my feet it means YES.

If I rock backwards onto my heels it means NO, not at this time.

If I don't lean at all, that means it's NEUTRAL, and won't matter either way.

Using Vitamin C to Boost Your Immune System

Vitamin C is a fat-soluble vitamin. You need to take it with fat in order for it to be absorbed and utilized by your body. Otherwise you just pee it out without getting its benefits. So take it with your meals. I grew up taking Shaklee vitamin C and other supplements because my parents were determined to keep us healthy and balanced--there were eight of us kids--and prevention was cheaper than doctoring.

Vitamin D and Sunlight

I walk outdoors quite a bit, and I don't like sunglasses so I get plenty of vitamin D by absorbing it through my eyes. But there are people in these northern, cold-weather climates who aren't out enough for this, and so find a D supplement is helpful. You need to determine whether it's something for you or not--use your own intuition, ask your doctor, ask a pharmacist. Your answer will come to you--just ask the question.

Zinc

One of the common symptoms of CO-VID is loss of taste or smell. I lost my sense of taste with a flu/cold virus back in 2017/18. Many homeopathic cold remedies have zinc in them, and sometimes people getting the corona virus feel like they are just getting a cold. 

They've discovered that zinc helps patients restore their senses of taste and smell. 

 Lemon Slices (with the zest) and Honey in Hot Water

I've discovered that a slice of lemon with 1/2 teaspoon honey placed in an already boiling cup of water helps me clear my sinuses and lessen coughs. Don't microwave your lemon and honey--put it in the water afterwards. Straight lemon juice in water doesn't agree with my stomach, but if I use a real lemon slice, the yellow zest on the peeling seems to alkalinize it so it's easy for me to ingest. Honey has natural anti-bacterial properties, too. And, most importantly--it's a rather tasty and comforting drink, as well.

The 16-17 Hour Fast

I don't resonate with all these diets. They tend to be a fad, sell us a little something, work for a limited time, and then we fall back into our old habits and put on even more weight.

While in my consciousness awareness it resonates that I should eventually be able to eat or drink most anything without consequence, my biological body and mind are still in a denser state and are trying to keep up with this awareness. Also, as my awareness has heightened, my incoming free energy or light body is highly sensitive to the dense mass consciousness, so I have allergic reactions and symptoms like I never used to have. So, it's been my experience that I can push myself too hard into the new, and hurt myself in the process. I put on some weight, especially around my stomach, and no amount of exercise and eating such and such made much difference.

A month ago, a friend told me about seeing a video on how beneficial it was to just quit eating by a certain time of the evening and allowing our natural circadian rhythms to do their thing. I asked my husband to try it with me because I cook for both of us. We quit eating after 8:00 P.M. and, other than our morning cappuccino, generally don't eat again until noon the next day. We're both sleeping better and my clothes are fitting me much better. We eat homecooked meals and I bake us sweets for our afternoon coffee or for an evening dessert, and make sure we mix in some fresh fruits and vegetables--and we order out for fast food probably once a week because I like French fries. But we're eating less and stopping by 8:00. 

As with all things--we use this as a general guideline, not a written-in-stone law, and it's helping at this particular moment.

Stretch-sitting and Glidewalking

Walking in nature is one of my favorite and most self-balancing and centering activities, but as my spine was making adjustments out of an ancestral pattern of scoliosis, the pain limited my ability to walk with any sense of joy in the process. A couple years ago, a disc in my lower back bulged and I crawled around on my bed for 7 days and nights straight without sleep. A very compassionate chiropractor helped me get some relief along with using ibuprofen/Advil. But I realized I needed to strengthen my back and abdominal muscles--get myself moving again.

My sister told me to google Esther Gokhale and primal posture. She has videos all over YouTube and a book out with all the exercises. It was my saving grace. She teaches Stretch-Sitting which helps lengthen the space between vertebrae, and acts like putting oneself in traction while sitting. Glidewalking is a natural and elegant form of walking that uses the gluteus muscles meant to be used for the purpose of walking and running. I now walk, sleep and sit without pain. I do both practices all the time, and my physical endurance has noticeably increased. I even shovel snow and garden and lift without injuring myself. 

Sea-salt or Epsom Salt Water Baths

Our bodies are mostly salt-water--just like our Earth and its oceans--and sea-salt water baths help us clear and balance our energies also. Water and salt water help to keep consciousness and energies flowing.

Bathe in salt water, as it both helps to clear toxins and balance your electrolytes.  

Drink water to keep yourself hydrated. Gallons of it isn't necessary, just make a point to sip on it throughout the day. I drink a few ounces upon awakening each morning, and I do a few ounces right before bed, as it helps my organs to function more smoothly. 

In the past, when coming out of a flu or cold, I have intuitively felt like I'd reached a saturation point with drinking just plain water or even the lemon water. I instinctively wanted something salty to help balance it out. Use your own inner awareness with your body to guide you.

Apple Cider Vinegar and Water Footbaths

Our cat had urinary tract infections, and because I hated taking her to a vet and trying to get her to swallow the antibiotics, I decided to look up a holistic alternative. Turned out, it broke down the crystals which caused the infection. For both cats and dogs, they recommended either parting the fur at the nape of neck and squirting in a dose, or dipping both front paws in a solution of 1/2 c. Raw Apple Cider Vinegar and 1/2 c. Distilled Water 3-4 times a day for about 3 days or until symptoms are gone. Mix it up and store in the refrigerator.

The skin is the largest organ so we can absorb medications through it that our digestive tracts find hard to ingest. Vinegar, for all its benefits, didn't agree with my stomach.

I started keeping a squeeze bottle in the fridge to squirt a small amount into my palm and rub into my hands when out gardening or doing something that dried out my hands--it soothed and smoothed rough skin like no amount of lotion seemed to do. 

My husband and I both soak our feet in a bucket filled with enough warm tap water to cover our toes and a cup of apple cider vinegar. It takes care of toenail fungus and rough feet.

These are just a few ideas that have come my way that I've found useful. Hopefully, they may help some of you. I've always had the best outcomes after realizing that I was responsible for my own life and well-being and deciding to take care of myself. 

Don't take my word for any of it, feel into it, see if it resonates. Try out the body pendulum. You are your best guide.

Much love, everyone!

Being Present with Loved Ones in Isolation and ICU

Someone very dear to me has someone very dear to her in ICU with CO-VID, and it's because of a conversation with her that I've felt nudged to share a few ideas and perspectives that helped me out when two of my beloved brothers and a very dear sister-in-law, on separate occasions, ended up in ICU in the past. One of them, Steve, crossed over, and my other brother, survived Guillain-Barre Syndrome and endured an incredibly long hospital stay. My sister-in-law was in hospital for several months also with a rare form of lymphoma. All of them had touch-and-go moments. 

And it's tough on the families and loved ones watching them go through it--hours and hours spent in hospital waiting rooms or beside beds with the person who's sick connected to all kinds of machinery--tubes down their throats, respirators and IVs. It all turns into an exhausted blur of just trying to survive, moment by long-drawn-out moment. And your heart aches...

And, have you noticed how the energies of hospitals feel heavy the moment you walk in the doors? And they get heavier still when you go to the ICU floor? We took the elevator up a few floors to see our brother, and even my sister commented, unsolicited by me, on the heaviness of  the area of the ICU in relationship to the other hospital floors. It's noticeable when you feel into it.

Rather than sit in those dreadful energies of hospitals, I encouraged some of my nephews and nieces who lived some distance from the hospitals to return to their own homes and families, and to continue to go about their days--that they could do that and still be an energetic and conscious presence with their dad--a light of love and compassion and grace.

We are multi-dimensional beings, and can be consciously present in many places at the same time. It doesn't matter where our physical bodies happen to be. In fact, I was channeling the wishes of my brother, Steve, while here in my own home, one hundred miles away. I was clearer, more present and balanced with them, whether here at home or on my quiet drives to the hospital than I was when I was physically with them in the hospital. I'd walk into those rooms with all that machinery hooked up to them and fall apart into a blubbering idiot when I tried talking with them, or I'd feel myself shut down and shrink into a ball of survival mode. Just endure it.

With that said, my heart goes out to all of you who've endured those hospital stays--whether as a patient or a visitor. And this year of 2020 with the CO-VID virus--due to isolation--so many have not been able to physically be with their loved ones in the most critical of moments.

That's why I'm offering this perspective to feel into for yourself--see if it resonates.

Dreamwalking isn't only for escorting loved ones who've died to the other side. You can dreamwalk a birth into new life. You can dreamwalk to other times--past and future. You can dreamwalk with someone isolated in a hospital bed.

You can dreamwalk with your loved ones, no matter where any of you are physically. Just be an agenda-free all-loving, all-grateful presence walking beside your loved one. No talking, no directing--just be.

You probably are already doing it and not realizing it. For me, I recognize it's happening now when I suddenly can hardly keep my eyes open and feel a need to lie down and nap. I'm usually out for a couple hours, and it takes a bit of time to feel fully embodied afterwards--kind of groggy and not quite all here yet. I'm dreaming, but often I don't recall anything upon awakening. 

Even if that happens, just trust that on some level of consciousness you're connecting--it's often hard to bring that awareness back into this dense earth level. Trust your own loving and compassionate intentions, and it will be so.

Steve and I made a choice to connect with each other in a different realm back in 2006. It actually happened. We did it while asleep in different rooms one night. In my dream I was cheering that we'd done it, and made a note to myself to be sure to remember it and bring it up to Steve in the morning. I forgot it, and then suddenly remembered it, but Steve didn't remember a thing. The only way he knew he'd been travelling in other realms was he woke up dizzy and nauseated, which was a common occurrence for him when he dreamwalked. People he'd visited would remember him, but he wouldn't recall anything. He'd just awaken off-kilter.

My sister and I were definitely dreamwalking with our dad weeks before his death. I'm guessing other family members were, too, though I haven't discussed the idea with them. 

You don't necessarily have to nap and get horizontal to choose to energetically be with someone.

As you go about your daily tasks, stop a moment here and there, take deep calming breaths and talk with your loved ones.

You may find you're coming from a place of more clarity and acceptance and gratitude when you're calm and more relaxed and in your own safe and sacred space of home. I feel I'm doing everyone in my world--my loved ones and their caregivers--more good when I'm radiating that out rather than anxiety and worry and guilt.

Much love, my friends. You're not alone. I'm here with you in love and gratitude for the gift you each are to me--no matter where our bodies are physically.