Trust Yourself First and Foremost

The answer lies within you,

I found it here in me!

How much more must we endure before we're all FREE?

Spend a little time alone with yourself. Go inside, feel into the love and compassion and wisdom that's all YOU! Those dark little guilty secrets you shy away from--lie back, close your eyes and take some good deep into your diaphragm (lower rib cage) breaths to get yourself relaxed. Open your energy field wide and feel into and explore those emotional and physical pains. Beneath every single one is a bright and shining gem of compassionate wisdom gained all because an unbelievably brave soul in a human costume forgot who she/he was and dived into experiencing her own creation out of love for all that is.

The old consciousness power players are having their last hurrah. They know they are on their way out--there is too much light and awareness in the world for them to stay hidden in shadow anymore. They've had their era, done their service for humanity through the extremes of duality that we all experienced. All that was kept in secret is rising to the surface for release and healing. It takes being deeply asleep and unaware of who one truly is in order to do dastardly deeds here. I send them all mercy and grace as their own karma will quickly address whatever harm they put forth.

I shudder at the idea of people placing all their trust in externals like "fact checkers" and biased news and censoring social media. It all seems intent on keeping everyone fighting with friends and loved ones--destroying our nation from within. It's such a blatant effort at freedom limitation and mass control that I just have to shake my head that it's lasted as long as it has. It shows me how programmed we humans have been to stay in the box and not question the status quo.

I also don't like pity and victimhood being used as a motivator to get people to behave according to some convoluted idea of what's right and what's wrong. Anyone using pity is asleep yet and they are having nightmares.

In my many truth-seeking forays into various belief systems like government, politics, health, business, family, spirituality, education, death--even simple consciousness--I found that even though initially I resonated with certain ideas and seemed to find a safe spot to be for awhile, eventually I'd end up feeling betrayed and standing on the outside, and I'd toss away a whole lot of baggage, and return souly to me and the bright and shining truth I felt of love and gratitude for all. 

Even people I admired and held dear eventually let me down. 

I discovered the futility of trying to control the behavior of others, and instead looked deeper into the hearts of those around me to see who they truly were and how they were serving me by being whatever way I was perceiving them to be--dark or light.

And it was all appropriate and in loving service to me, because they all caused me to drop the outer world and go within, where I discovered this Christed, loving, wise and compassionate, benevolent rebel of a being.

False prophets and teachers will say, 'Here is the Christ! Jesus is coming! Look over here! Look over there!'... But the true teacher is the one within your heart. Listen to that one. Listen to that heart part instead of the hypnotized head. Love leads the way and does no harm.

In those last moments of blessing my dad through his feet, even when my mind yelled at me that I was crazy for doing it, my heart felt such all-encompassing love and gratitude that it outshone any hypnotic mental overlay that tried to keep me in check--docilely in the matrix, so to speak.

Years ago, I had a dream where humanity's focus on the external rather than each individual's internal wisdom was made blatantly clear to me:

All around me were big movie screens that captured and held the attention of other fellow humans. They were entranced by commercials and dramas and games and self-perfecting practices. I was throwing out seed to feed the chickens, but only these iridescent, translucent birds (invisible to the other humans) saw it to eat it. Everyone else was too busy looking outside of themselves--watching a metaphorical TV--to realize the beauty and mastery that was always present within themselves. 

"Don't throw your pearls before swine." This phrase always comes through with the memory of that vision. It doesn't mean humans are a bunch of pigs. It just means they are so deeply immersed into a hypnotic overlay and into an identity of playing the role of a sinner in a mucky pig-pen, that they aren't seeing themselves for who they truly are. And they won't until they're ready...everyone is playing their unique part in this tremendous planetary transition in conscious awareness.

Everything has led me to this profound realization that I now deeply trust myself--first and foremost.

I know I'm not going to harm anyone. Am I going to offend some people? Probably--but that's their own issue. I know the love and acceptance I am coming from. I am not blaming anyone--I'm thanking them for all parts played out just for me in helping me realize and understand how my consciousness radiation and my own field of energy serves me.

Intelligence and wisdom are not the same thing.

Smart people are not necessarily wise. You can be extremely intelligent and be immature in conscious awareness of yourself. Wisdom comes from the distillation of all your human experiences. It means it's full of compassion that only can be truly experienced by having been there, done that.

Technology can be of grand service to our world--but remember it's external. Consciousness is always within you. Only your conscious awareness of yourself will determine whether technology is benevolently or maliciously used in your realm--your own sovereign domain. 

Trust that crystalline realm within your own heart to be your guide first, and then the external will follow suit. 

Choose to be free yourself first by feeling into how freedom feels and openly shining that as you go about your day.

And then create the kind of world you enjoy being in by setting it all free, as well--instead of trying to control it externally.

How are YOU allowing CO-VID 19 to serve you in your personal interactions?

Are you using CO-VID as a way to maintain compassionate friendships, or are you alienating friends and family and neighbors? Some are using it as a weapon of being self-righteous, no matter what the cost--including giving their own sovereignty away to someone outside of oneself. Regardless of where and how it originated, we all have a personal choice of how we're going to use it in our own world.

I have utmost appreciation and compassion for all who have experienced CO-VID, or have lost loved ones because of it. I don't wish it on my worst enemy--though I don't really have enemies. I see everyone playing a role for me, out of the love of their soul, even and especially those pretending to be my enemies. I know they've forgotten who they really are, and I'd rather help them remember that than fight with them. Fighting is a waste of my time and energies. I just really don't like to fight.

One thing I realized I could do was to help ease the fear surrounding the virus by listening to those who've had it share what it was like for them, and what they did to take care of themselves through it. 

The symptoms vary in intensity according to the individual; and some medications work for one, but not for the next. One person lost only his sense of taste, some with allergies said initially they thought it was just their allergies acting up, and that it felt like they just had a cold. Some have had the fever and dry cough and extreme knock-you-off-your-feet exhaustion. One had no fever or cough at all, and was just extremely exhausted. Others tell of having terrible back aches and pains. 

I've heard people say they were following all the precautions, wearing the masks, testing their temperature daily at their place of work, washing their hands, and they still contracted CO-VID. Like any other flu or cold virus, it's out there, and I choose to help support us all through this the best way I know how.

As for medications, one of my friends was given the same mini-dosage steriod that was administered to Trump, and that person found it helpful--said they never had a fever or a cough, but lost their sense of taste and was extremely exhausted for about 2 1/2 weeks. This particular person suffers from allergies and admitted to being afraid of contracting it. They said it was no picnic by any means, but was relieved they were done with it. 

A friend told me about a doctor who realized his asthma patients weren't having the distressing symptoms as badly as others, and he made the connection that the steriod budesonide was in their asthma inhalers. He was prescribing a mini-dosage of the steriod for those CO-VID patients that needed it.

Tylenol is recommended for fever and chills, but Advil seems to make things worse.

Another was given cough medication but said it was worthless for them. 

Zinc supplements, which are found in many cold remedies and eye strengthening supplements may also be linked to helping individuals get back their sense of taste.

Those were just the few things that have come to mind for me, and by no means am I saying they were for everyone. You really have to close your eyes and feel into all of it to discern if any of it resonates with you personally. Your own intuition is your best guide.

If someone makes a blanket judgment it doesn't sit well with me. And if someone chastises everyone else for something one individual did, that doesn't sit well either. It actually gets my back up, and I probably won't "play" with them anymore. Would you? 

A couple of wise individuals I've talked with recently both said they had chosen to stay off social media because they were tired of people saying things on there that they wouldn't dare say face-to-face. Emotional triggering by unawakened individuals is manipulating people into doing and saying the craziest stuff. Everyone would be well-served to shut off the news and shut off the social media so they can calm down and get centered within themselves. We are at our clearest and best when we're calm and trusting of oneself first. And simply being that way is more of a service to one's world than shouting from a soapbox or walking in protest marches--you actually have more benevolent impact. Everything else just naturally falls into place in our lives then, too.

As for anyone or any group out doing malicious acts--we don't have to worry about trying to deal with them. Anyone intent on dark acts--their own karma is going to hit faster and harder then ever before. Our conscious awareness on this planet is too high to support anyone intent on power and control. 

This is all ultimately about freedom for all and using the technology we've been gifted with for the good of all. 

It's up to each sovereign individual how they're going to use it in their own uniquely created world.

It's all up to you--how you choose to experience this--and that's as it should be.

I'd just rather do it united than rather than divided.

P.S. If you happened to be one of us humans who found yourself emotionally triggered in all of this to say or do something that you regret, don't feel alone. We've all been there and done that, myself very much included. We're all human and we're feeling our way through all these planet-changing, life-changing epic events. Fear always accompanies any change just because we're out of our comfort-zone of familiarity with the old, so give yourself a break. What we did in the past doesn't even exist right now. The present is all we have. We're all just simply doing our best to cope in each moment at hand, even if it might look pretty bizarre to someone else.

Much love and light and blessings to all. Thank you all for your service to me in helping me realize who I am.

The New Warfare: Divide a Nation from Within

As I've shared throughout this blog before, in the mid to late nineties, I delved into conspiracy and government corruption. I saw two parties who were pretty much the same when I felt into the core of them. I watched the political debates on TV and realized that each candidate was mouthing a bunch of words they had statistically analyzed that their constituents wanted to hear--but in truth, I could sense that it wasn't heartfelt, and that they had their own agenda. None of it was about serving humanity in actual freedom. It was about gaining power and control over the masses. It was about making laws and limitation for others basically so they could feel safer and lord it over others.

When we're in a place of calm clarity ourselves, everyone of us senses when someone is lying to us or when they are trying to emotionally manipulate us. We just do--it's part of our make-up.

I will not name names here, but the reason I chose to withdraw from paying income tax for a few years was because I saw a film where public officials were using children for sex and snuff films. I was beside myself with grief and fear for all the beloved kids in my life, and in no way was I going to finance that. I was truly concerned about the world I left as my legacy. I wanted to be a contributor to the self-sovereignty and freedom of all.

I returned to paying taxes because of living in perpetual harassment and intimidation. Because I was just in the beginning stages of learning about freedom and that big word "sovereignty," I hadn't grasped fully enough how to claim my own sovereignty without throwing up a red flag and inviting in to myself a whole lot of trouble and drama and trauma that really didn't resonate with me. 

I've since learned that sovereignty isn't something you have to write out and submit to your local courthouse. It is your FREEBORN, NATURAL inheritance from the Eternal One or source, regardless of the country you live in. It's who you are. You live it out in your own day-to-day life, with every interaction. And you don't try to control or limit or harm others because you know that if you do that, it's ultimately going to come back and hit yourself, only harder. As I've lived this out for myself, frankly, there is absolutely no desire to mess with others or hurt another. It's just not in me. All the striking out of my past was done out of fear and feeling backed into a corner with no way out.

While I let go of playing in conspiracy--fear is not something I want to use to motivate others to claim their own sovereignty--an old adage from those days of trying it out for myself has come to mind: Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.

One of the most damaging concepts to humanity has been the idea that we are these lowly beings born sinners who need to be saved from themselves. When I believed that, I lost all trust in myself and I kept looking outside of myself for answers. And every time I tried to make those outside ideas my own, they might resonate with me for a bit, but eventually they'd run their course, they'd let me down (as well they should), and I'd basically say, "F-it!" and I'd return back to me and the core truths within that never seemed to waver.

I've gotten to the point where I know I could be totally wrong in my entire perspective when at the end, but it doesn't matter because I can live with having this unconditional love and gratitude for all parts played. I like who I am and who we all are in it.

Be aware of being triggered emotionally--some ill-intentioned beings are trying to use fear to get you fighting with your friends and family.

Were any of you in a class where the shenanigans of one student had the teacher punishing the entire classroom? This is the same type of core energy I see being promoted on Facebook and mainstream media. People are relying on "fact finders" being sponsored by who knows where, and not feeling into their own hearts to discern if it even resonates with who they are and the kind of world they choose to live in. 

How many postings have I seen on Facebook where people are demanding those of us reading the posts that we wear a mask, to be kind (as though we're anything but) and blah, blah, blah, like we're all these dumb little people who need talking down to? It frankly ticks me off. If someone expects the worst of me, I'm more than likely to honor them with "that worst" just to yank their chain.

I have the utmost compassion for all of you who have had this virus, and I thank you for your service and all those who've literally given their lives for this. This is why I will wear a mask and not go out if I am not feeling well, but, some people have it and have no symptoms at all so don't even know they have it. Logically speaking, it's out and there is no stopping it at this point...and...it's been used as a political manipulation to get people fighting. 

This virus originated from China--and it's being used by scared individuals playing in the power game illusion to divide the humanity of all nations of this planet. To create a civil war amongst humanity. We are better off honoring one another's freedom and sovereignty, and looking to connect with one another from our highest level--and to do that, isn't it best to look for the best in everyone instead of fearing the worst and trying to control their behavior?

If I am going into someone's business or home where they're wanting the security of a mask, and if I desire interaction with someone that much, I will honor them and wear a mask. I will not force my beliefs on anyone else. But nobody tells me how to be or what do with any condescension whatsoever. I know for myself, and each of you knows best what works for you, and you alone, in the moment at hand.

I expect the best of people when I interact with them, and if they or I am having a bad day, I'm going to give myself the time and space away from them in order to move it all through and out. I am not going to tell them how to be...and I'm not going to vomit it all over social media.

I recently shared a post on Facebook thanking President Donald Trump for his service--and Facebook removed it. I don't share other's posts lightly. I felt a sincere gratitude for the role he has played in being a catalyst for change in an old two-party political belief system that was an obsolete albatross of corruption that had completely lost sight of freedom for all. The standard upon which this country was founded. When the royals, magnates, and religions of Europe refused to acknowledge and proclaim the freedom of all humans--they were too entrenched in their own power to give it up--it was brought here to America to establish a nation of the new consciousness of freedom and self-sovereignty. As an American I hold that as a huge honor.

Trump is a businessman, not a politician of coded legal words. The old consciousness didn't know what to do with him because he didn't play the game according to their long-established rules. He was like a wrench thrown helter-skelter into an already raggedly, cloppity-thump running machine that helped reveal that which had been hidden for decades and decades. I don't always agree with him, but the few times I have listened to him speak, I have felt and resonated with the man who truly loves this nation and all people.

I've learned through my own experiences that there are times to lend a hand to someone in need, and there are times to not do so. I pity no one--that is the worst thing I feel I could do to a fellow equal. I will always have compassion, and I will always remind whomever I am with that they are the creators of their own life, their own situations; and only they can un-create the things they decide they no longer want to experience. I can't do any of that for anyone--and I don't need to--because you're all free and sovereign creators. You maybe just don't remember it, because we haven't been taught that, have we?

The Word "Fight"

"I love people. And I look for a way of connecting with them no matter what level they are at. It doesn't matter."

Those are the wise words of a dear neighbor that I visited with recently. They resonated deeply with me. I imagine a world where we all seek to make a heartfelt connection with each other, rather than looking at someone (who just happens to be reflecting back an aspect of oneself) and trying to change them into something we want rather than looking deeply to see who they truly are. To see the gift they are to us being just as they are in that moment.

"Don't believe everything you hear on the TV news or read in the paper. They are owned by people with an agenda, and it's not necessarily for the welfare of anyone but themselves."

My dad told me this decades ago, and he predicted the riots we're seeing today. I was educated to read the daily news through a current events class we had in the eighth grade. The news was taught as supposedly being unbiased reporting--but there is no such thing. Not when every human discerns what is truth according to a unique perception based on one's own experiences and feelings about them.

The Internet has made it impossible to keep humans in the dark. Though, in many cases mainstream media, I see, is doing its darnedest with censoring to keep us riled up and acting out of fear and hatred. It sickens me, while at the same time I realize that anyone doing anything intentionally harmful is actually really harming themselves. 

Karma for the unawakened now hits faster and harder than ever before. I don't wish that kind of karmic balancing on anyone. I'd rather they realized who they truly are and decide to let go of playing with power. Karma disappears when you realize you're no longer interested in power and control, but rather freedom for all. But it's each person's free choice, and I thank them for all the parts they play for me. I just get clearer with who I am and what I am about through it all.

I see it happening on Facebook and Youtube and all the mainstream news media (local and national)--the censorship and twisted reporting that takes words spoken so out of context they don't even resemble what the person actually said. I clearly see attempts to sway humans into actions based in fear and the word fight, used in conjunction with pretty words like justice.

I have watched self-proclaimed environmentalists literally trash the land of my beloved North Dakota--with mountains of discarded waste--that they were supposedly protecting from a pipeline. 

And these recent riots? This is our homeland, and it's being turned into wasteland by its own people destroying the property and homes of their neighbors--human and animal--incited by power-players with an agenda. 

Step back and take a breather, feel into you.

Shut off the news, stay away from mobs full of angry, insane people. Those causes they are supposedly fighting for--well, they are just trying to get your adrenaline pumping so you do their dirty work for them. If someone's pointing a finger of blame, walk away from them. Put all color, gender, orientation, ethnicity, age aside--those are judgments. If someone is saying only one color or gender matters in their slogan, maybe you'll want to feel into that, because ALL life matters, doesn't it?

Go be alone with yourself so you can get clear about who you really are, so that when you interact with your earthly neighbors, you're coming from your highest self, and not the old lower consciousness of survival of the fittest. You'll feel better about yourself.

It's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we all return.

I am a lover, and I've had my fill of fighting nonsense. If I hear someone using fear to try to motivate me, I walk away. That's a false prophet. If I hear someone spewing hatred, I walk away. Their hatred has consumed them and they are momentarily insane. And watch for those trying to make you feel guilty and ashamed...

Be aware of what you're radiating as your truth:

The protective energetic bubble people have been taught in many modalities is now obsolete, and actually works adversely to the desired effect. You've placed a protective barrier in your own energy field that serves you specifically. And your responsive energies then manifest something you need to protect yourself from. Practice opening up your personal energy field--the more open you are, the less something can stick to your created reality, and it just flows on through and by without manifesting.

For years, I've felt myself cringe inside whenever I heard myself or someone else use the word "fight."

Close your eyes and feel into what it means to fight--with something (a disease like cancer, for example), for something (your freedom), or over something (like fighting over thoughts and deeds you think are WRONG)...

Do you feel your muscles brace? Does your heart beat faster, harder? Does your stomach drop, clamp, feel a bit nauseated? Do your fists clench? Or your jaw? How about your throat--a little tight? How about your head--does it pound? Does the mind chatter race? Do you feel your cheeks flush?

That's how I perceive the word. And when I hear it from another person now, I opt to walk away from the game they've chosen to play--the game of survival. I've played it enough.

 

Those FEELINGS that I pointed out above--that's the potently charged energy that I radiate out into my universe when I believe I'm in a FIGHT. I'm braced, the PROTECTIVE ARMOR is on, and my WEAPONS (words and deeds) are at the ready. And that unconditionally loving universe matches my radiations, vibration for vibration. And so it is!...I have something or someone come into my life experience to play "FIGHT" with.

How did I go beyond fighting?

1. I reminded myself to take a few conscious, down-into-my-lower ribcage breaths (that slows the heart and lowers the blood pressure, and the focus on the breath pulls the mind from its chatter). 

2. I reminded myself to TRUST MYSELF...and BREATHED some more...

3. I gave myself a SAFE, SACRED SPACE to FEEL into myself (sometimes it was a room, sometimes a walk with just me)...and BREATHED some more...

4. I reminded myself that ALL is WELL in ALL of CREATION (that this reality is just ILLUSION, a playground)--and told my mind to HUSH its reasonings and analysis--that we didn't have to try to "figure things out."...and I BREATHED some more...

5. I gave myself permission to write this blog--essentially ALLOWED myself to express myself HONESTLY to me, first of all, and later out loud to my world...And I BREATHED some more.

Yes, one could say I am a deep breather. Ha!

And then one day, I realized that I'm at ease inside of me--no more bracing, no more clenching, no more impending fights...I'm just naturally breathing here with a silly grin of appreciation on my face as I watch all us actors play out our parts together--as we ALL escort our planet and humanity through a change into a new level of conscious awareness. Truly, thank you for ALL parts played...because it's happening. 

Even though there are still some days like these when I feel a bit less tolerant of the fighting.

Much love, my dear humanity, my dear earth and all its gifts of life--we are so much more than all this fighting.

It's Out of Love We All Come...and...It's Unto Love We All Return

 

Apologize not for your own or for another's existence;

for it's out of Love we All come, and it's unto Love we All return.

I recently had a very dear friend from my childhood cross over. As an adult he'd played the role of compassionate friend, giving me a smile, a reassuring hug, a kind word in some of my darkest and hardest moments--those moments when it was hard to breathe, when life got really tough. He'd been through two heart surgeries, one of them several hours long, and after that he suffered from a depression so deep,..well...so deep that his second attempt at suicide was successful.

Ever since I realized that I was a dreamwalker when my dad crossed over, I find myself suddenly napping a couple hours during the day when someone who's touched my life dies. I'm so out of my body I can't move my limbs. It's something I learned was natural and that humans have been doing since ancient times. We walk alongside our loved ones--quietly, as a loving and clear, agenda-free presence--and escort them to the bridge of flowers that crosses to the other side of the veil.

But the dreamwalking didn't happen this time. Maybe I didn't allow it because it was a suicide, and I've been told to not try to attempt it with suicides. Being highly sensitive empathetically, it's a gamble when being with someone who FEELS so lost, so alone, so...desperate. It's too easy to feelingly get sucked into their vortex of pain, and find yourself crossed over, as well.

Maybe he didn't need an escort either. Maybe he wasn't lost at all and was okay and clearly enscounced within the love and celebration of those awaiting him on the other side. We could have even dreamwalked during his surgery...and I didn't necessarily have to have been his only dreamwalker. Dreamwalking is a natural human ability and it's more common than most humans realize. We just didn't have a word for it in our current culture until recently. 

I've heard he wasn't really even himself afterwards, something that is common with those having been under anesthesia so long. That seems to tell me that, like my brother, Steve, he was having difficulty staying embodied in human form. 

I've been at a loss then. What do I do? How do I help comfort those left behind? Myself included?

And what can I do from this side of the veil to support my dear friend? Maybe he doesn't need my help. Maybe he was in such a place of trust deep within that he wasn't afraid--that the depression he'd felt was a longing for the relief he'd experienced while under anesthesia. Maybe he'd had an out-of-body experience at some point during all those surgeries, and he'd experienced the release from the burdens of being human. This human journey is not for the faint of heart. I've heard it is much easier to let go and die than it is to be born into the confining limitations of the human body.

In the nineties I read the book, Embraced by the Light, by Betty Eadie, who told the story of her own near-death-experience. After checking on her loved ones and reviewing her life, she was told that she wasn't finished yet with that lifetime, that she had some things she needed to do. She had the final say, but her story needed to be shared, and she had to return in order to do that. I'm one of those who needed her back. I needed to hear her story, and this is why:

She was shown a line of angels standing at the ready for their incarnation into a human body. Every one of those humans-to-be was revered for their courage and bravery. If you'd taken on the human experience, though we might play the role of coward here, there really is no such thing from the other side's point of view of us. It takes a whole lot of faith, perseverence, guts and determination, love and sacrifice to play the human role. It takes forgetting who you really are, and getting stuck and limited in a biological body, when deep inside and in one's dreams you just know you can fly and that you're free--but all of that seems so elusive, impossible from this side of the veil.

And...Betty's decision to return was not an easy one. To tell her story to a world that could be harsh and judgmental about such things was not for the faint-of-heart. She spoke of having those moments of longing to return home to the other side, too. Times when she felt so alone, having those difficulties that come with simply being human.

As for suicide--I get it. Life can feel overwhelming at times if you're the least bit sensitive. And frankly, we humans are all sensitive, though some may have buried it deep as their means of a way of coping in this tough old world. 

I even set out to kill myself at one point in my life. My mom had passed, my dad was having a difficult time with it, I felt like a loser in my own marriage. I really never seemed to fit in this world; and one day I just thought it would make everyone else's life better if I was no longer here. I don't even remember what the last straw was. I just set out walking my way out of the city one cold and gloomy winter day. My plan was to just keep walking until I froze to death out in the middle of a field. I'd just disappear, and everyone would be better off for it.

But as I got to the outskirts of a neighboring suburb, I had the realization that doing this to myself was going to hurt my loved ones far more than if I stayed. I put myself in their shoes and felt into how they would feel if I followed through on my plan...and I turned around and returned to a husband waiting for me at the door, worried out of his mind. I was so cold.

I haven't shared that story with very many people who know me personally. It wasn't one of my brightest moments, and there was a bit of shame lingering there. Now, I look back, and I have a good laugh at myself because I absolutely hated being cold! Most of my life, I'd had cold hands and feet--and when those digits are cold, well you're just plain cold and miserable.

Later on I would learn of other empathetic people similar to me having started to attempt suicides, as well. My beloved humanity--we have these thoughts and feelings more often than any of us lets on, and maybe by sharing our stories with one another--by opening up--that which is hidden can be brought into the Light of Love and Gratitude for all parts played.

As for my beloved friend and classmate, I don't have a sense of him wandering lost in the Near Earth Realms. I don't feel a sense of depression in my own energies in relationship to it. It feels like he's okay. I'm sad for all his loved ones here (myself included at times) because of the loss of him and all that they'd been through leading up to his death, but I have a sense that maybe he--his consciousness--mostly left his biological body during that last long surgery. He was meant to exit at that time, but maybe there was a little something he had yet to do here on Earth. Maybe it was to open the door to the Christ light on this very subject of suicide.

The Old Testament story, The Book of Job, has been at the forefront of my mind ever since my mom crossed over in 2001. It's struck me as amusing that Job's (pronounced with a long "o") life story seems to reflect what a "job" it is to be human. The job of the human done out of love and sacrifice for the wisdom gained for its soul. Job lost over and over again in every aspect of his human life. He lost his wealth, his entire family and loved ones, his friends, his health. 

In the end, though, everything he had lost was restored to him...and I FEEL the GRATITUDE and LOVE for everyone and everything he NOW had--it's huge, it's awesome--because, once upon a time he lost it all...

Love lets go. When we love, we seem to open ourselves up to an inevitable loss, and yet we continue to love and care and appreciate and feel...and maybe it's important for me to remember that when our world is in such a state of crazy divisiveness. 

I am here for all of this, to walk through this momentous change in our world, and I am here to stay for quite awhile yet...but because I weighed my options of whether to stay or go (I've done so many times before and since that one walk of suicide), I'm clear with myself about staying, even when some days feel pretty tough. It's painful sometimes to watch humans fighting with themselves and each other...and then I tell myself to step back, observe, love and appreciate the acting jobs of all these amazing souls playing at being Little Humans.

In our last hours together, Dad showed me when he plopped that paper towel on his head and it flopped on either side of his head like dog ears, that it's important to laugh to lighten things up when things feel at their darkest and hardest. To not take it all or myself so seriously...it's just a job, after all.

My dear departed friend, thank you for lightening up the lives of me and my loved ones by helping us to laugh and to smile and feel okay. Thank you for those little moments of kindness you probably forgot. It all made the job so much easier. I miss you...and...I'm going with the idea that losing you will just help me appreciate you all the more when I see you again.

Invite Your Pain to Tell You Its Story

Pain has a story as its source and center. Listen and let it be told.

I am all about consciousness--being aware of myself and how I am creating what I'm experiencing. I don't do New Age or any other kind of religious rituals. I've simply known that I've always had within me all the answers needed to navigate my life, and that I didn't need special crystals, symbols, tinctures, gurus, doctors, medications, meditations, prayers, etc. to do it. I just had to get quiet, be open, allow and listen and feel...and accept full compassionate responsibility for my entire life.

There is no blaming anyone or anything. There is a whole lot of understanding of what it's been like to be a blind-to-who-I-am, all-alone, scared Little Human just trying to survive and get some semblance of control in a tough, often cruel world. None of us humans are born sinners.

We all need a soft and sacred space to land, to balance, to regroup. And...we are the best ones to practice kindness with oneself. When kindness starts at home, it naturally spreads into our world.

The gift of the story of pain: 

What am I feeling ashamed of, guilty about, angry or self-pity over? 

Am I feeling worthless? 

Do I doubt myself?

I am coming from the standpoint here of "If it's in my life, I put it here. It's serving me on some level. I'm getting some sort of benefit from it...and...I am the only one who can un-create it."

Every pain I've ever had has had a story to tell me. Many of them are shared throughout this blog. Often they were stories I was afraid to even look at, for fear I wouldn't look very good in them. I may have done something I felt was horribly wrong that I couldn't possibly make amends for and save face in, ever recover from.

I had to be open to letting all those horrible memories and thoughts be let loose--to feel it all.

Forgiveness--ultimately gratitude--comes from the Soul's perspective, not the Little Human. 

The temporal Human facet will find it difficult to forgive from its limited perspective. We each need our eternal divinity--our expanded I am that I am self--to have the grander, broader perspective in order to see any experience our human has as a gift to its soul. 

How do I find it? It's always within me--it's been here all along--I just had to remember I could tap into it. The warm and tinglies, the sense of gratitude for everyone and everything lets me know I'm hearing my soul's voice. It won't have me harming anyone or anything.

Stories--not boring textbook facts and details--help me understand with compassionate wisdom all my experiences.

Leave the smart phones and computers for a bit. Go for walks in nature. Be with your pets, but not other humans. Take a bath, sit on the toilet, lie down and close your eyes, wash dishes by hand. Do whatever it takes to put yourself at ease and give yourself a safe space for a few minutes. 

Take a few deep breaths: Inhale through your nose and draw the breath in down to your diaphragm beneath your lower ribs to the count of 4. Hold each breath there for 4 counts. And then exhale to the count of 8 through your mouth.

Feel into your body. If you feel any sort of pain, take a deep breath, OPEN yourself up, and boldly follow the pain to its source and center. Take another breath and ALLOW yourself to experience the pain fully: Is it sharp and piercing? Is it dull and throbbing? Just dive in and feel it!

If you're willing to feel it through, the pain you experience will tell you its story of something you're hanging onto that is no longer needed in your life. You can let it go. Go ahead and sob and cry, and remember to hold and comfort yourself--be the best unconditionally loving friend you can be to yourself.

Remember that no matter how bizarre we may have acted at some point, we all are just doing the best we know how in any moment...

and sometimes we are overwhelmed-with-it-all Little Humans just trying to be, and be okay with ourselves.

We have a tendency to focus only on the negative aspects of the baggage we haul around, but when I've allowed the pain of those once shameful moments to tell its story, there was always so much more going on than that little slice. Allowing the story to be expressed is inviting my soul's perspective to come through.

There really is no right or wrong healing modality--it all depends on how YOU feel about it.

When I allow the pain I experience to tell me its story, sometimes I'm released from it instantly, sometimes not. I may have it for awhile, depending on how it's serving me in my life. Sometimes pain allows me a kind means of staying out of a situation.

I'm not completely adverse to using some sort of pain remedy for a temporary time, especially if it's so intense I feel crazed and can't seem to even take a proper breath to begin to center myself. I've learned that if something like a bit of advice or a type of homeopathic, alternative, or modern medicine or therapy is readily at hand--to consider it, feel into it, and use it if it resonates with me to do so. 

As for mood-altering substances, prescription or otherwise, I've just never cared to even mess with most of them. Though, I do enjoy a glass of wine or alcohol once in a while, but getting a buzz hasn't been my goal. People who have used such substances to control their emotions appear flat-lined emotionally, slurry-worded, zombie-like to me. I feel an energy drop when I am around them. They are not present. It feels like they are wasting their gift of life, trying to escape from themselves. I don't even care to interact with them anymore. Not at this stage of my life. We all have too much going for us--it's just a matter of perspective about your stories.

Related Posts:

When In Pain, Just Breathe This is the story about how I discovered this gem of a tool to use and release the pain from my energy body.

FEELING Pain Through and Out

Our Distorted Reality Due to the Sexual Energy Virus

Both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine exist in every individual, regardless of gender.

We all have two hemispheres of the brain. The left brain is logical and present and makes choices. It sees itself as a separate entity--as a human being. The right brain is intuitive and is connected to our "I exist" pure consciousness self. It knows itself to be Divinity.

The sexual energy virus affects both men and women--it's a LIMITATION of AWARENESS, and NO ONE IS TO BLAME.

How can you hold accountable someone who isn't aware of why they act and feel the way they do? They just act, sometimes even knowing that it's hurtful and not the solution. They're feeling stuck in an identity, a role they haven't realized they can leave simply by choice. They believe they are just a Little Human trying to survive in a tough world of competition.

The following is simply a fictional story to help understand the core conscious awareness that created our limited reality world:

The Feminine became the Best Friend Supporting Actress, instead of the Leading Lady.

The Divine Feminine blamed herself for a creation that went awry. There were all-out wars--external grabs for power--among her lost and alone-feeling angelic children as they tried to return home to the Eternal Source from whence they came. Their energy feeding and stealing almost brought Creation to a standstill--to a collapsing in upon itself. So she gave up her freedom to choose for herself and gave it to the Divine Masculine.

With that choice it manifested here on Earth as women having a 2nd class status. Woman became the weaker perceived sex--and she became passive and subjective to men. She let men make the decisions.

She feels and empathizes and nutures and supports. She's connected to the right side, the intuitive side, of the brain. She knows the importance of love. She's compassionate and loving--all-accepting--no matter what, especially with her family.

The Masculine kept looking outside of himself for love and acceptance.

The Divine Masculine then carried the weight of responsibility of making choices, not just for himself, but also for his Feminine partner. He's unaware of the importance of loving oneself first, instead of trying to gain the approval and respect of others.

He's in control--the Divine Feminine gave that to him when she made him the decision-maker for herself. This manifests as men being the ones to generally just take action, Men are movers and the shakers in this world--aggressive.

He feels strongly the burden of providing not just for himself, but for the women and children in his care. He sees them as his possessions. He feels they are reflections of himself--of his success or his failure.

He's connected to the logical, reasoning left hemisphere of the the brain and doesn't relate to that feeling stuff. He's dependent on his female partner to handle his feelings and emotions. He's not aware that he, too, has a feminine side of the brain to tap into--that he, too, can tap into feeling into what it's like to be in another's shoes.

He's passion unleashed without realizing right away what he's radiating because the woman is taking the hits for him--and when we keep picking up a child before he can fall, he never experiences the outcomes of his choices. They're watered down and distorted by the time they get back to him.

This is not how it's meant to be, for it's an imbalance in two equally important, yet different facets of Creation--Passion and Compassion.

The Dance of Passion and Compassion.

Passion is what consciousness radiates out, and compassion is the energies manifesting in service to that radiated passion. We each need to know what we're radiating and manifesting from that so that we can make clear choices for our created reality. We need to step out of each other's way and allow each other to experience his/her creations unadulterated.

Essentially, what's happening now is we're allowing the once "supportive woman behind every successful man" to step forward to into full and equal, though different, partnership. It's a win-win situation for all.

The abuse will become obsolete when each Victim stands free within herself enough to address her Abuser so, "Thank you for playing the part of abuser/betrayer because I discovered things in and about me I wasn't aware of before our Just Pretend Game. Now I've had enough of that old game. I'm setting clear Boundaries of Love--I'm done allowing you to abuse me. No more! Stop the abuse, or you're free to leave me--those are your choices." 

Moment by moment, the abuse will gradually, freely die out when each victim chooses to stop playing victim and instead play the role of sovereign master and creator of his/her own life.

I realized that the ultimate victimhood story ended for me when I put my foot down and decided that choices made by others need not affect me. I was done playing victim because of another's decision...after all, this is my personal world, my sovereignty, my domain.

...and so it is with you. You're free if you open up and allow it. 

Be the star of your own reality!

Passion and his beloved Compassion

glide a path together--

sometimes breaking apart,

sometimes framing the other, heart-to-heart--

waxing and waning

'round the floor of the Flagstone Terrace.

They dance through the annals of the ages,

the picture book that is my mind,

to the wildly whirling-twirling,

strangely peaceful dervish

that is my heart,

in rhythm to the song

that is my soul.

With love,

Words and Music by Penny Lewton Binek