Yes, life continues on after death, but you have to open up your heart and your mind to the possibility, first.
Life is eternal. Death is just changing from one form to another.
Love lets go--completely!
You have to be willing to completely let go of everything and everyone. SET YOUR CREATIONS--all of your characters--FREE. Leave not one single string or strand attached. Totally let them all go--so they can freely return to you in a grander way.
Several months after our cat, Molly, died (after I'd come to the conclusion on my own that there was a good purpose in the whole experience for me), a woman told Adamus Saint-Germain that she'd also recently experienced the loss of her pet, and that she was having a difficult time with it. Adamus responded by asking her if she could completely release her pet, so that the pet could return to her in a far grander manner than what either of them had experienced before. His response matched my own conclusions surrounding Molly, and later, Max. I just had to constantly remind myself to stay open to new possibilities, especially when surrounded by the consciousness of those journeying through the loss of their own loved ones in the old, established traditional ways.
A great deal of energy--in forms such as efforting and finance--is expended, and copious acres of precious land are used up, by our determination to hang onto our past creations and roles--our loved ones. Take a realistic look at how much overall energy we direct to trying to handle, control and even avoid death--which, thankfully, is a sure thing for all of us at some point here on earth. When we try to preserve bodies through embalming, or cryogenically freezing them for re-animation at a later date, etc., we're not giving our creations freedom. We're keeping them entombed in a dead, imprisoned, stagnant and unnatural state of being.
It's why cremation, in my old energy consciousness, was my chosen form for dealing with my corpse, if I happened to leave one behind. Fire transmutes--it sets us free of our old physical state of being, and ashes don't litter the earth or carry diseases. Cremation, after a physical death, allows us to later return to embodiment on this earth, free and clear of all of our old stories and identities. We can still visit them--our pasts--but we're no longer stuck in stories that we don't desire to be in. Look at all the land filled with corpses--cemeteries no longer usable for any other resource except storage of the dead. I appreciate and love history, but I don't think we need to preserve it in such a way that it crowds out the living of life in the right now moment.
And I'm truly finally seeing the extremely strong possibility that we don't have to leave physical bodies behind anymore for disposal. And that, yes, there is a gift in Death. But in order to see it, embrace it, and start a new conscious--and different--experience of it, I'm going to have to first be completely HONEST about my perceptions and experiences and feelings surrounding it.
In order to clear the way, make room for, the brand new, I'm going to have to let go of a lot of old suggested ideas (ages-old) about "this is how you experience death"--which are that you're basically supposed to grieve and feel like shit.
In the past, I mourned my loss. I mourned what happened. I mourned what could have been, and wasn't. I mourned what could no longer be. I'm depressed just re-visiting the feeling of those prior statements.
In place of the grieving, how about celebrating and toasting the human character role that was played so convincingly well--the dark and the light aspects--by a spirit choosing to be temporarily incarnate in an earthly biology/body for the sole purpose of expressing, experiencing and discovering oneself, while in the company of others on like journeys? For the joy of experiencing reality in such a profoundly sensual way, unequalled by any other? How about allowing myself to interact with the spirit of the departed right here, right now--regardless of their form, and my form of being?
With an expanded consciousness, there becomes enough room on this planet for all, when we realize that we are free to embody and leave scenes and settings/stages in a manner beyond the old 3-D time and space. When we can slip in and out of our bodies at will, never leaving behind a corpse for anyone to have to bury, burn or dispose of--the earth is free of a bunch of old bones--and sorrows. Elijah, of the Old Testament, did this. Kuthumi Lal Singh--a self-master--did this. I've been writing all about role-playing, knowing that's what I've been doing all along. It's just that I hadn't quite put it together this way with death. Death has been a fearful and traumatic and sticky issue for me.
I recently more fully realized this about death, after spending a few hours this spring working in our yard--it hasn't been easy. I can walk miles lately, pain-free, and with ease and joy. Three years ago, I had to temporarily give up walking because of lower back and leg pain.
This transformation into a brand-new light body, from the DNA out into the entirety of my physical biology, has been quite an experience. There has been joy and enlightenment, and there has been pain and discomfort, frustration and consternation. Lately--my body temperature zings from cold and clammy to hot and sweaty in an instant, and then back again in the next moment. My right heel gets really warm sometimes. I get the odd pains in my feet and legs--often it's in the middle of the night when I'd like to be zonked out sleeping. I've had psoriasis patches (some that lasted for years, others for months) that have finally faded. Occasionally, I'll awaken with some pains in my stomach or sides--but they pass after I take a few deep breaths, and calm and reassure myself that I'm okay, it's just my body changing.
Old mindsets like to call the temperature swings menopause, and while I am chronologically 50 years here, I'm also aware that men are experiencing this symptom as much as women are. The entire biology of humanity is changing, regardless of what people want to call it. I don't care what someone else chooses to call it--for me, it's simply enough that I am changing on all levels. All my old identities and stories and obsolete biology and beliefs are simply dying--only this time around I'm staying incarnate, very much alive, on the planet while it's happening.
I've regained my ability to walk, but I still find it difficult to squat, bend, or kneel to garden. It's changing the positions that is challenging. An hour or two spent clearing all the old plant debris (last year's carcasses) away, and disposing of it, has left me hurting for hours afterward--and it's caused me to reflect on death, and how difficult I have made it be for myself.
This whole death thing has to be easier, disease-free, trauma-free, and tragedy-free. And there has to be a way to quickly and easily and freely transmute our bodies when we desire to let go of playing a certain character role--whether temporarily or permanently. Adamus and Tobias have told about freely stepping in and out of a physical bodily form, in order to interact with humans (ascended masters who took their energetic bodies with them on leaving physicality are supposedly able to do this). But they said that it was hard to stay incarnate in their own energetic body longer than a few days when in the old human consciousness reality prior to 2012. *(This is different than channeling, where a cooperative human consciously chooses to step aside to allow a spiritual entity, or higher self, the use of their body temporarily as a method of communicating with humans). The post 2012 consciousness energies are supposed to support our ability to more easily do that--but our bodies and minds need to upgrade, make a shift in biology--in order to be able to do it, and that is what is taking time.
It's been challenging for me to step out and stay clear while still living in the old, very prolifically dense, consciousness surrounding death--I've been afraid that people will think I'm cold-hearted and uncaring. But I can't control how others perceive me, and I've finally realized that it's more important to me to get a better understanding of death, and to go beyond it, than it is to be on any one's "favorites" list.
When I first saw my 23-year-old boyfriend's corpse lying in that casket, my impression was that he was no longer there. I had the distinct feeling that I was looking at a cold, lifeless shell, no matter how much make-up the mortician sympathetically applied, no matter how fine his clothing, or elaborate the coffin and the flowers surrounding him--it just really didn't look, or more importantly, feel, like him. It was missing his animation, his breath. He was gone--there was no life, no light, no real sense of who he was, no spirit left in that empty husk.
And when I attended his funeral, I didn't really get any comfort from the sermon--those were just words and verses repeated, and music played for every one's funerals. They added in a few personal anecdotes, but the rest was pretty standard stuff. I stood there with my parents, feeling all alone, though I was surrounded by people--the church was full. I cried and I felt eyes watching me. I just wanted to be by myself, and I also wanted to be held--two totally opposite things, but that's how I felt, nonetheless.
In the days following, I sensed and heard other's expectations about how a grieving girlfriend should comport and handle herself. I believed that maybe I should no longer enjoy my own life; and I gave in to those--my--perceived expectations, and I let self-doubt, and unworthiness in being, permeate me entirely. I blamed myself for his death, believing that maybe if I hadn't taken him for granted, been a better person, then maybe he wouldn't have had to die. I immersed myself completely in experiencing what it was like to be a blind-to-who-I-really-am human journeying through a tragedy of losing someone I cared for to that scary thing called Death.
I've been immersed in it for over thirty years. It's about time I allowed myself full clarity and full expression on the subject...and so it is. Don't pity me my old story, because I chose to go through it in order to gain extensive wisdom on the subject--and I'm doing well, and so is the spirit/soul who played the part of my boyfriend. It's all good--truly it is.
Over-population and depletion of the Earth's natural and abundant resources, and beauty, are no longer issues when humans can consciously come and go in flowing and flexible bodily forms. We no longer have to rely on the old destructive atrocities like war, disease, famine, hunting or genocide as means of trying to control population growth of any entity or being, whether it be human, animal or plant. Survival of the fittest just becomes obsolete...there is benevolent room for all of us...
It's a brand new world, with a brand new way of playing together, even playing together harmoniously while in total freedom...
For starters, you just have to open up to the possibility that it's true...and then change what you practice...
P.S. The definition of INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome.
We're all quite the characters--actors, that is--role-playing together. These are stories of my awakening, my remembering realization that Home/Heaven is wherever I am. That I am not the puppet on someone else's string. The search is over. I simply FREELY CHOSE to quit searching outside of myself, and realized all my answers have always been within.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
"I DESERVE to be treated with Loving Kindness": Releasing Oneself from Abuse
If I am continuing to experience abuse, it's because I am allowing it. Something, some ASPECT inside of me is yammering at me that I deserve the abuse, that I am UNWORTHY of grace and ease.
"No! Stop!"--Say it and mean it! No IFs or BUTs.
"I deserve to be treated with kindness--with the kindness I so freely extend to you."
State the above like the owner and master of your own life--not like a whiny victim having a tantrum because she/he didn't get what she wanted the first, second or twentieth time. OLD ENERGY DIES HARD, and this I am an unworthy human aspect consciousness has been in place for millennia. If you can recognize and acknowledge this SELF-DOUBT FEELING inside of you, you'll feel more freedom of being and breathing--but you're going to open yourself up to drawing experiences to you where you get to PRACTICE over and over and over again setting this BOUNDARY of LOVE for yourself, and stating in such a manner that brooks no argument:
"I deserve to be treated with kindness. I deserve grace and ease."
It DOES NOT MATTER if I played a dark role in my past (even if my past is as recent as my previous breath), because I AM brand new with each and every breath, RIGHT NOW. I am, I exist ONLY in the present moment--and I DESERVE kindness. I can't tell you the number of times someone has told me that a person they were mad at (whether it was herself or another) didn't deserve to be acknowledged or praised for a kind act. That person was focused on living in the past, being UNFORGIVING, and not opening her heart or mind to starting over right now, with a fresh clean slate and breath.
Thanks to all the parts played out with love, and in service to me, I finally got clarity and gained insight into how to more consciously create the reality I desire to experience:
To the friend who provoked me to honest, messy, heart-racing expression of myself during our phone conversation.
To the sleeping-blind people who twisted religious ideas to match their prejudices, their self-righteous acts, and their choices to perpetuate fighting, and getting even, rather than to seek a win-win resolution.
To my itty-bitty naughty, peeing kitty--Bella.
To Adamus Saint-Germain, who reminded me to put no cause, person, or being before ME--no matter how uncomfortably selfish it feels to do that.
And who helped me remember I am just passing through the realm of all these experiences, and that NO ONE is judging my performance--there is no higher or greater being that is judging me. The Source of All that Is does not judge any of us. No one is critiquing whether I'm doing it "right" or "wrong"--judgment is exercised only by blind humans who forgot who they are.
And to Lee Harris, whose channels reminded me that LOVE SETS BOUNDARIES.
I deserve loving kindness...
Close your eyes. Place your hand on your stomach, inhale a breath through your nose, drawing it so deeply into your belly that it pushes your hand up as your diaphragm inflates, and then exhale the breath out your mouth and feel your hand drop with the release of the air. Say, "I deserve loving kindness." Breathe again. Repeat, "I deserve kindness." Breathe again. Breathe and repeat the line until you FEEL the tightness within let loose.
I deliberately used the word "deserve" instead of "choose" in my statement above, because I realized that when I tested using the word "choose"--I felt a waffling hint of self-doubt, a questioning of my worthiness, creeping in with it. "Do I deserve this?"
When I use "deserve"--I feel firm and balanced in myself, and unwavering in my stated desire. I left no room for self-doubt. Self-doubt quickly distorts the best of intentions and creations.
A few months ago, Adamus shared with us the fact that the success rate of creating what we consciously want is usually about 18 percent. That left a lot of room for botched creations--I think three years of trying to deal with cat pee pretty much exemplifies that challenge to take responsibility and to keep making choices until I create what I actually want, in place of whining like a victim when it doesn't happen the way I expected the first, or fifty, time/s. The master, through trial and error, keeps immersing and HONESTLY feeling into her created experiences, and then adjusts making choices from the insights and wisdom gained from them. Wisdom is ALWAYS gained in every experience.
I also realized how important it is to set BOUNDARIES of LOVE. A loving parent generally won't allow her child to beat on her. A loving parent sets boundaries. If we give in to naughty tantrums, we just encourage more of them. It's as important to stand firmly in saying "No" as it is in saying "Yes".
From my cats (my version of kids), I discovered how important it is to FEEL that I DESERVE to be treated with the love and kindness and honor with which I so freely extend to them, and to pretty much everyone who enters my home or my life, in general. I listen with an open heart--I deserve to be listened to with open hearts.
All of this has more to do with standing up within myself, for myself, than anything or anyone outside of me. All those others outside of me are just playing out the roles and scenes I scripted them to play FOR me. Our programmed human minds and mass consciousness are dense with the concept that we humans are unworthy beings "born in sin." That we must prove ourselves worthy of being through our good deeds. I can't seem to turn any direction without self doubt berating me, questioning whether or not I'm being selfish and wrong. It's paralyzing. That unworthy sinner aspect within myself kept me allowing others to abuse me.
The religious "born in sin" idea gets used as an excuse to treat ourselves and others abusively. I don't excuse someone for being mean just because he's drunk too much alcohol--he wanted to be abusive, and simply used being drunk as an excuse to play that role. Likewise, I don't excuse someone who abuses another because "they were born sinners and can't be held responsible for harming themselves or others." Running from accepting full self-responsibility for ALL of one's life experiences just keeps the sexual energy virus in play. The victim abuses as much as the initial abuser if I continue to play victim--after awhile, you can no longer discern one from the other.
Calling something a disease or an addiction--whether it be obesity, alcoholism, sexual abuse, drug abuse, etc.--seems to give humans the excuse to perpetuate their own miserable treatment of themselves and others, and their expected mistreatment by others. Calling something a disease seems to give humans an excuse to not accept full responsibility for her own gift of a life. It seems to perpetuate the "I am a poor victim--that's just how it is" consciousness. And that story never ends. People play with fighting the so-called disease instead of addressing the core energy of it all which is, "Do I even like myself enough to allow myself to receive joyful abundance in life with ease and grace?--Do I deserve to live?"
How do I respect and honor another being's sovereignty and freedom, and my own simultaneously? I discovered I do that by setting boundaries around the treatment of myself. If two cannot agree to play together with mutual respect and kindness--then, in the interest of living harmoniously on the same planet, we should leave each other's presence, go our separate ways--no harm, no foul, no trying to control or manipulate or have power over the other.
I'm not sure what all I've written here. I think the most important point though, is the realization that I deserve to be treated with kindness--and to expect that, always. I'm a huge proponent of using "I choose" statements, but in this case, I felt myself waffling within, so I chose another approach this time around.
Try it out. Close your eyes and say out loud, "I choose to be treated with kindness." Do you feel a bit of wavering, I'm-not-worthy, self-doubt creep in, too? I heard, and felt, my mind yammering at me, "BUT there were these times when you did these bad things, Penny...I was so wrong...so I can choose all I want, but I might not get it because I don't deserve it, blah, blah, blah..."
Now try the same thing using "I deserve" instead. "I deserve to be treated with kindness." State it as a FACT--don't question or doubt your worthiness of receiving simple straightforward kindness. It feels firm and master-y to me. I feel myself setting loving boundaries when I say "I deserve" without using the whiny victim tone. And most importantly--it feels both freeing and respectful...and that's the way I like to play this game we call Life.
Namaste!
"No! Stop!"--Say it and mean it! No IFs or BUTs.
"I deserve to be treated with kindness--with the kindness I so freely extend to you."
State the above like the owner and master of your own life--not like a whiny victim having a tantrum because she/he didn't get what she wanted the first, second or twentieth time. OLD ENERGY DIES HARD, and this I am an unworthy human aspect consciousness has been in place for millennia. If you can recognize and acknowledge this SELF-DOUBT FEELING inside of you, you'll feel more freedom of being and breathing--but you're going to open yourself up to drawing experiences to you where you get to PRACTICE over and over and over again setting this BOUNDARY of LOVE for yourself, and stating in such a manner that brooks no argument:
"I deserve to be treated with kindness. I deserve grace and ease."
It DOES NOT MATTER if I played a dark role in my past (even if my past is as recent as my previous breath), because I AM brand new with each and every breath, RIGHT NOW. I am, I exist ONLY in the present moment--and I DESERVE kindness. I can't tell you the number of times someone has told me that a person they were mad at (whether it was herself or another) didn't deserve to be acknowledged or praised for a kind act. That person was focused on living in the past, being UNFORGIVING, and not opening her heart or mind to starting over right now, with a fresh clean slate and breath.
Thanks to all the parts played out with love, and in service to me, I finally got clarity and gained insight into how to more consciously create the reality I desire to experience:
To the friend who provoked me to honest, messy, heart-racing expression of myself during our phone conversation.
To the sleeping-blind people who twisted religious ideas to match their prejudices, their self-righteous acts, and their choices to perpetuate fighting, and getting even, rather than to seek a win-win resolution.
To my itty-bitty naughty, peeing kitty--Bella.
To Adamus Saint-Germain, who reminded me to put no cause, person, or being before ME--no matter how uncomfortably selfish it feels to do that.
And who helped me remember I am just passing through the realm of all these experiences, and that NO ONE is judging my performance--there is no higher or greater being that is judging me. The Source of All that Is does not judge any of us. No one is critiquing whether I'm doing it "right" or "wrong"--judgment is exercised only by blind humans who forgot who they are.
And to Lee Harris, whose channels reminded me that LOVE SETS BOUNDARIES.
I deserve loving kindness...
Close your eyes. Place your hand on your stomach, inhale a breath through your nose, drawing it so deeply into your belly that it pushes your hand up as your diaphragm inflates, and then exhale the breath out your mouth and feel your hand drop with the release of the air. Say, "I deserve loving kindness." Breathe again. Repeat, "I deserve kindness." Breathe again. Breathe and repeat the line until you FEEL the tightness within let loose.
I deliberately used the word "deserve" instead of "choose" in my statement above, because I realized that when I tested using the word "choose"--I felt a waffling hint of self-doubt, a questioning of my worthiness, creeping in with it. "Do I deserve this?"
When I use "deserve"--I feel firm and balanced in myself, and unwavering in my stated desire. I left no room for self-doubt. Self-doubt quickly distorts the best of intentions and creations.
A few months ago, Adamus shared with us the fact that the success rate of creating what we consciously want is usually about 18 percent. That left a lot of room for botched creations--I think three years of trying to deal with cat pee pretty much exemplifies that challenge to take responsibility and to keep making choices until I create what I actually want, in place of whining like a victim when it doesn't happen the way I expected the first, or fifty, time/s. The master, through trial and error, keeps immersing and HONESTLY feeling into her created experiences, and then adjusts making choices from the insights and wisdom gained from them. Wisdom is ALWAYS gained in every experience.
I also realized how important it is to set BOUNDARIES of LOVE. A loving parent generally won't allow her child to beat on her. A loving parent sets boundaries. If we give in to naughty tantrums, we just encourage more of them. It's as important to stand firmly in saying "No" as it is in saying "Yes".
From my cats (my version of kids), I discovered how important it is to FEEL that I DESERVE to be treated with the love and kindness and honor with which I so freely extend to them, and to pretty much everyone who enters my home or my life, in general. I listen with an open heart--I deserve to be listened to with open hearts.
All of this has more to do with standing up within myself, for myself, than anything or anyone outside of me. All those others outside of me are just playing out the roles and scenes I scripted them to play FOR me. Our programmed human minds and mass consciousness are dense with the concept that we humans are unworthy beings "born in sin." That we must prove ourselves worthy of being through our good deeds. I can't seem to turn any direction without self doubt berating me, questioning whether or not I'm being selfish and wrong. It's paralyzing. That unworthy sinner aspect within myself kept me allowing others to abuse me.
The religious "born in sin" idea gets used as an excuse to treat ourselves and others abusively. I don't excuse someone for being mean just because he's drunk too much alcohol--he wanted to be abusive, and simply used being drunk as an excuse to play that role. Likewise, I don't excuse someone who abuses another because "they were born sinners and can't be held responsible for harming themselves or others." Running from accepting full self-responsibility for ALL of one's life experiences just keeps the sexual energy virus in play. The victim abuses as much as the initial abuser if I continue to play victim--after awhile, you can no longer discern one from the other.
Calling something a disease or an addiction--whether it be obesity, alcoholism, sexual abuse, drug abuse, etc.--seems to give humans the excuse to perpetuate their own miserable treatment of themselves and others, and their expected mistreatment by others. Calling something a disease seems to give humans an excuse to not accept full responsibility for her own gift of a life. It seems to perpetuate the "I am a poor victim--that's just how it is" consciousness. And that story never ends. People play with fighting the so-called disease instead of addressing the core energy of it all which is, "Do I even like myself enough to allow myself to receive joyful abundance in life with ease and grace?--Do I deserve to live?"
How do I respect and honor another being's sovereignty and freedom, and my own simultaneously? I discovered I do that by setting boundaries around the treatment of myself. If two cannot agree to play together with mutual respect and kindness--then, in the interest of living harmoniously on the same planet, we should leave each other's presence, go our separate ways--no harm, no foul, no trying to control or manipulate or have power over the other.
I'm not sure what all I've written here. I think the most important point though, is the realization that I deserve to be treated with kindness--and to expect that, always. I'm a huge proponent of using "I choose" statements, but in this case, I felt myself waffling within, so I chose another approach this time around.
Try it out. Close your eyes and say out loud, "I choose to be treated with kindness." Do you feel a bit of wavering, I'm-not-worthy, self-doubt creep in, too? I heard, and felt, my mind yammering at me, "BUT there were these times when you did these bad things, Penny...I was so wrong...so I can choose all I want, but I might not get it because I don't deserve it, blah, blah, blah..."
Now try the same thing using "I deserve" instead. "I deserve to be treated with kindness." State it as a FACT--don't question or doubt your worthiness of receiving simple straightforward kindness. It feels firm and master-y to me. I feel myself setting loving boundaries when I say "I deserve" without using the whiny victim tone. And most importantly--it feels both freeing and respectful...and that's the way I like to play this game we call Life.
Namaste!
Monday, April 14, 2014
How Long Do I Choose to Play "Victim"?--That Is the Question
If I'm the victim in any abusive relationship--I am EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE for the creation, and the cultivation of that relationship abuse that I suffer. I, the victim, am as much responsible for the abuse as my abuser is.
Once I quit playing the victim role, the abuser has no one left to victimize. The energy-feeding situation/story dissolves when it's no longer fed.
It doesn't matter if the abuse occurs in a partner/spouse relationship, a parent/child relationship, a sibling relationship, a government/constituent relationship, a business relationship, or a friendship.
Whining, commiserating with others (aka, pity parties), complaining--none of that stops the dynamics of an abusive situation. If I'm continuing to whine, I like the nasty little relationship I have going--when you look closely at me, you can actually read my delight in it, even if I'm spewing tears and snot, and carrying on like a drama queen.
My best way of dealing with a victimhood situation is to first put myself in a TIME-OUT. Just like we adults do when two little kids are fighting. We SEPARATE them--send them to different rooms to cool down and get quiet, get centered and balanced within themselves. We don't negotiate with he said/she saids.
And then I've found that using "I" statements in place of "You did/ You should" statements changes the entire dynamics of an argument or discussion.
When I focus on making "I like" or "I feel" or "I did" or "I choose" sentences--it keeps me embracing full responsibility for my part in the relationship--I'm acting like the sovereign that I am, instead of a victim blaming someone else for making me miserable.
In the past, I have screwed up my own healthier relationships by commiserating with victims who CHOSE NOT to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY for their own well-being and lives.
I have watched marriages and partnerships fall apart because of women commiserating with other women about the abusive men in their relationships, or vice versa. They don't do anything to cultivate loving and clear communication between the partners, to encourage a healthy friendship with the spouse. Instead, they feed each others hatred and angst and victimhood. They keep score, and they play dumb-ass mind games, hiding behind some god out there that is a cruel and mean and judgmental son of a B. All in the name of a really screwed up idea of "friendship"--an energy suckfest.
Why not encourage a friend to say to her partner in one of the few moments they're in the same room and quiet, "I don't like what we've become. I married you because I liked you--you were my best friend. I don't like being treated so terribly--by anyone. I don't like treating you badly either. I don't deserve that, and neither do you. What do you want to do with us? Should we separate, and take a time-out so we can get clear about what's happening with oneself before messing with another person? I don't like fighting. If we can't be best friend sovereigns together, then let's not live together anymore. We both deserve, and are capable of, more than that. Let's take the pressure off our kids, and not make them responsible for our staying true to vows for the so-called 'benefit' of our kids. It's not been a benefit to them when they get put in the middle of our fighting and game-playing and misery."
I've had a few of those conversations, like the latter, with my own husband (minus the kids, because we didn't have children). Not that he was any more abusive to me than I was to him. I gave tit for tat, too--but I also remembered that I really liked him, and that I knew deep-down we could have and be so much more than the old relationshit story we had going on the surface. Honestly, I damn-near ruined our good thing because of trying to empathize with other friends, trying to fully understand their pain.
Sharing another's misery (co-mmiseration) solves nothing--it's why I'm not a fan of support groups. People talking about their issues with people having the same issues just builds, and densifies, their stories. People can drone on and on for hours about their pains, and not open up to, much less, bring in an ounce of personal clarity. We're better taking ourselves off to be alone with oneself, and work through the emotions and releasing all on our own. I can cry and hold better, and more fully understand myself than anyone outside of me. I've lost any tolerance or patience to listen other's sob stories anymore, because I'm certain we're capable of being so much more.
Religion--any of it--is fine when it comforts and creates a safe, sacred space, and honors sovereignty--but it gets scary quickly when it gets twisted and used as a means to not face personal responsibility for one's own life, and as a way to force one's will upon another being. So many of my mentally imbalanced friends are into practicing this type of warped Christianity. You can warp any type of religion--it's just that the people I personally know are calling themselves Christians.
It's no wonder to me, then, when everything gets blown out of proportion, and loving relationships--many which began as friendships--get blown all to literal hell. It's pretty sad.
I'm not comfortable with confrontation either. Especially lately, in my self-mastery, I'm discovering what it means to have the cahunas/balls to allow myself to express my viewpoint honestly. I've lately found myself in arguments that came out of the blue. I often don't remember much of what I said, and I look back at the interlude, asking myself, "What the hell happened here?" I even felt a bit guilty because I got a bit loud, a bit passionate. It really rattled me. I've had some sleepless nights because of it. But what was happening was I was watching an old aspect of myself playing itself out once again--taunting me to do something about it--and I finally let myself freely express about what I was honestly experiencing.
In the past, I played the victim role of being the one who let everyone dump his/her beliefs and judgments all over our interactions. My abuser didn't leave any room or opportunity for me to have a different viewpoint from his/her own. My own old way of handling it was, to shut up and put up--that's just how it is. Sound familiar? I'd walk away feeling resentful and unheard, but trying to put a positive spin on it all by trying to focus on the enjoyable parts of our conversation. But, evidently, that old ship has sailed--I am free, and I have things I'm passionate about expressing and experiencing differently.
I used to convince myself that if I spoke up, that meant I was trying to change the other person, and I knew that was futile. But by allowing myself to freely speak, I realized it had nothing to do with trying to change the other person. It was simply about ALLOWING MYSELF to FREELY EXPRESS. No one else is going to allow me to do that if I'm not FIRST allowing it myself. The other person is simply a reflection of me suppressing myself. When I allowed myself my own unique expression, I discovered I honestly didn't care if the other person changed or not.
It was all about ME allowing myself to finally freely express myself, my own truths and desires, out loud.
Humans emulate the god that he/she worships in the moment. If god, for me, is a judgmental, angry, punishing fellow--that's actually what I am. I, too, am judging, even when I insert the word "observing" in its place. We like to self-righteously play god with each other and meddle, but in an oxymoronic way, we don't like admitting that we each are all gods playing with other gods.
I love the salutation, "Namaste!" It means The god I am honors the god you are. It recognizes that we are all children of the First Source of all that is. It means, to me, that I honor and respect your sovereignty, and I appreciate you honoring my sovereignty. I am open to interacting with you harmoniously. Namaste brings a smile to my lips--it reminds me of what a gift I am, and that you are, to me.
When I was a kid, I played with other kids simply because I liked them and I enjoyed their company. I didn't care about race, ethnicity, religion, status, politics, gender, sexual orientation. I learned that prejudice crap from the mentally programmed people and the mass consciousness around me. I immersed myself in making some of that shit my own truth--and it felt icky. I felt awful being prejudiced. It didn't matter who it was against at the time. I felt really guilty inside, even when the Little Human-like judgmental god I was worshipping at the time, tried to convince me that I was righteous in my prejudice.
I chose the man I'm with today because I like him, and we have fun together when we're not playing sucky little mind-games with each other, expecting the other person to change or to do our bidding, or try to make us happy and feel unconditionally loved. That's my responsibility with myself first. As I have said before, it's absolutely impossible to love someone else enough to satisfy them, if they aren't appreciating themselves, their own gift of a life, first. That's a miserable dynamic to be in.
At first, little kids don't care about meddling, trying to control, or trying to fix other little kids--they pick that up from trying to emulate the older programmed humans around them. Kids look at other children in their vicinity with the hope that the other one may be someone fun to play with. If they come across someone they hit it off with, they play together until they get tired and cranky; at which point, they go to their separate rooms or homes, and rest, eat, and rejuvenate. They have a bit of alone-with-oneself time. Once they're centered and balanced within themselves again, they're racing out into the sunshine to play with those other kids once again.
We can learn a lot from a little kid. Fortunately, I have one integrated right here inside of me. I'm learning she has a lot of wisdom to share on how to flow simple joyous abundance--how to live with ease and grace in place of a bunch of calamity.
Once I quit playing the victim role, the abuser has no one left to victimize. The energy-feeding situation/story dissolves when it's no longer fed.
It doesn't matter if the abuse occurs in a partner/spouse relationship, a parent/child relationship, a sibling relationship, a government/constituent relationship, a business relationship, or a friendship.
Whining, commiserating with others (aka, pity parties), complaining--none of that stops the dynamics of an abusive situation. If I'm continuing to whine, I like the nasty little relationship I have going--when you look closely at me, you can actually read my delight in it, even if I'm spewing tears and snot, and carrying on like a drama queen.
My best way of dealing with a victimhood situation is to first put myself in a TIME-OUT. Just like we adults do when two little kids are fighting. We SEPARATE them--send them to different rooms to cool down and get quiet, get centered and balanced within themselves. We don't negotiate with he said/she saids.
And then I've found that using "I" statements in place of "You did/ You should" statements changes the entire dynamics of an argument or discussion.
When I focus on making "I like" or "I feel" or "I did" or "I choose" sentences--it keeps me embracing full responsibility for my part in the relationship--I'm acting like the sovereign that I am, instead of a victim blaming someone else for making me miserable.
In the past, I have screwed up my own healthier relationships by commiserating with victims who CHOSE NOT to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY for their own well-being and lives.
I have watched marriages and partnerships fall apart because of women commiserating with other women about the abusive men in their relationships, or vice versa. They don't do anything to cultivate loving and clear communication between the partners, to encourage a healthy friendship with the spouse. Instead, they feed each others hatred and angst and victimhood. They keep score, and they play dumb-ass mind games, hiding behind some god out there that is a cruel and mean and judgmental son of a B. All in the name of a really screwed up idea of "friendship"--an energy suckfest.
Why not encourage a friend to say to her partner in one of the few moments they're in the same room and quiet, "I don't like what we've become. I married you because I liked you--you were my best friend. I don't like being treated so terribly--by anyone. I don't like treating you badly either. I don't deserve that, and neither do you. What do you want to do with us? Should we separate, and take a time-out so we can get clear about what's happening with oneself before messing with another person? I don't like fighting. If we can't be best friend sovereigns together, then let's not live together anymore. We both deserve, and are capable of, more than that. Let's take the pressure off our kids, and not make them responsible for our staying true to vows for the so-called 'benefit' of our kids. It's not been a benefit to them when they get put in the middle of our fighting and game-playing and misery."
I've had a few of those conversations, like the latter, with my own husband (minus the kids, because we didn't have children). Not that he was any more abusive to me than I was to him. I gave tit for tat, too--but I also remembered that I really liked him, and that I knew deep-down we could have and be so much more than the old relationshit story we had going on the surface. Honestly, I damn-near ruined our good thing because of trying to empathize with other friends, trying to fully understand their pain.
Sharing another's misery (co-mmiseration) solves nothing--it's why I'm not a fan of support groups. People talking about their issues with people having the same issues just builds, and densifies, their stories. People can drone on and on for hours about their pains, and not open up to, much less, bring in an ounce of personal clarity. We're better taking ourselves off to be alone with oneself, and work through the emotions and releasing all on our own. I can cry and hold better, and more fully understand myself than anyone outside of me. I've lost any tolerance or patience to listen other's sob stories anymore, because I'm certain we're capable of being so much more.
Religion--any of it--is fine when it comforts and creates a safe, sacred space, and honors sovereignty--but it gets scary quickly when it gets twisted and used as a means to not face personal responsibility for one's own life, and as a way to force one's will upon another being. So many of my mentally imbalanced friends are into practicing this type of warped Christianity. You can warp any type of religion--it's just that the people I personally know are calling themselves Christians.
It's no wonder to me, then, when everything gets blown out of proportion, and loving relationships--many which began as friendships--get blown all to literal hell. It's pretty sad.
I'm not comfortable with confrontation either. Especially lately, in my self-mastery, I'm discovering what it means to have the cahunas/balls to allow myself to express my viewpoint honestly. I've lately found myself in arguments that came out of the blue. I often don't remember much of what I said, and I look back at the interlude, asking myself, "What the hell happened here?" I even felt a bit guilty because I got a bit loud, a bit passionate. It really rattled me. I've had some sleepless nights because of it. But what was happening was I was watching an old aspect of myself playing itself out once again--taunting me to do something about it--and I finally let myself freely express about what I was honestly experiencing.
In the past, I played the victim role of being the one who let everyone dump his/her beliefs and judgments all over our interactions. My abuser didn't leave any room or opportunity for me to have a different viewpoint from his/her own. My own old way of handling it was, to shut up and put up--that's just how it is. Sound familiar? I'd walk away feeling resentful and unheard, but trying to put a positive spin on it all by trying to focus on the enjoyable parts of our conversation. But, evidently, that old ship has sailed--I am free, and I have things I'm passionate about expressing and experiencing differently.
I used to convince myself that if I spoke up, that meant I was trying to change the other person, and I knew that was futile. But by allowing myself to freely speak, I realized it had nothing to do with trying to change the other person. It was simply about ALLOWING MYSELF to FREELY EXPRESS. No one else is going to allow me to do that if I'm not FIRST allowing it myself. The other person is simply a reflection of me suppressing myself. When I allowed myself my own unique expression, I discovered I honestly didn't care if the other person changed or not.
It was all about ME allowing myself to finally freely express myself, my own truths and desires, out loud.
Humans emulate the god that he/she worships in the moment. If god, for me, is a judgmental, angry, punishing fellow--that's actually what I am. I, too, am judging, even when I insert the word "observing" in its place. We like to self-righteously play god with each other and meddle, but in an oxymoronic way, we don't like admitting that we each are all gods playing with other gods.
I love the salutation, "Namaste!" It means The god I am honors the god you are. It recognizes that we are all children of the First Source of all that is. It means, to me, that I honor and respect your sovereignty, and I appreciate you honoring my sovereignty. I am open to interacting with you harmoniously. Namaste brings a smile to my lips--it reminds me of what a gift I am, and that you are, to me.
When I was a kid, I played with other kids simply because I liked them and I enjoyed their company. I didn't care about race, ethnicity, religion, status, politics, gender, sexual orientation. I learned that prejudice crap from the mentally programmed people and the mass consciousness around me. I immersed myself in making some of that shit my own truth--and it felt icky. I felt awful being prejudiced. It didn't matter who it was against at the time. I felt really guilty inside, even when the Little Human-like judgmental god I was worshipping at the time, tried to convince me that I was righteous in my prejudice.
I chose the man I'm with today because I like him, and we have fun together when we're not playing sucky little mind-games with each other, expecting the other person to change or to do our bidding, or try to make us happy and feel unconditionally loved. That's my responsibility with myself first. As I have said before, it's absolutely impossible to love someone else enough to satisfy them, if they aren't appreciating themselves, their own gift of a life, first. That's a miserable dynamic to be in.
At first, little kids don't care about meddling, trying to control, or trying to fix other little kids--they pick that up from trying to emulate the older programmed humans around them. Kids look at other children in their vicinity with the hope that the other one may be someone fun to play with. If they come across someone they hit it off with, they play together until they get tired and cranky; at which point, they go to their separate rooms or homes, and rest, eat, and rejuvenate. They have a bit of alone-with-oneself time. Once they're centered and balanced within themselves again, they're racing out into the sunshine to play with those other kids once again.
We can learn a lot from a little kid. Fortunately, I have one integrated right here inside of me. I'm learning she has a lot of wisdom to share on how to flow simple joyous abundance--how to live with ease and grace in place of a bunch of calamity.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
True Love: Admitting "I don't care" while Facing the Guilt Monster
Love lets go...
True, unconditional love releases completely--it doesn't hold on, not even a tiny bit.
True love is TOTALLY TRUSTING yourself, and TOTALLY TRUSTING everyone and everything other than oneself. The guarded walls encasing oneself COMPLETELY disappear--there is no protective armor or energy field, no offensive or defensive strategies. FEELING GRATITUDE drops all barriers and allows one to receive and flow with ease and grace.
The master BREATHES and walks with her/his energies open and flowing in harmony with everything that is. The master KNOWS WITHOUT A DOUBT that she/he is NEVER a VICTIM, not really--and that there's nothing to have to figure out how to guard oneself against. The master KNOWS she/he has never done anything wrong.
There have been so many instances when someone has been sick, has died, or was having relationship issues, of all kinds, where I've KNOWN that, honestly, I didn't really care what someone else was going through--but I was too afraid to admit it out loud, for fear of others thinking I was a cold-hearted bitch.
And succumbing to that fear kept me from experiencing disease, death, and relationships falling apart, any other way but the same old ways, over and over and over again. The cast of characters changed, but the stories' outcomes pretty much stayed the same.
So, here I am facing the huge guilt monster, and finally admitting what's really going on in my heart and thoughts--I don't care! I don't care about you. I don't care what happens!...because I KNOW ultimately All is well in all of Creation....I KNOW you are, we all are, OKAY!
Because, I recognize, and honor, my sovereignty and your sovereignty. I realize you're having an experience--one that you are choosing, on some level in you, to have. And I respect that. I have complete agenda-free, hands-off compassion for you, no matter how sucky and traumatic the experience may be. That means I don't feel sorry for you, not really. I don't care what happens with you, because I KNOW you're okay and you'll still exist even if you should seemingly die. I KNOW you are the master of your own life. "If it's in your life, you're liking it on some level because you put it there--and the ONLY ONE who can FREELY CHOOSE to remove or change it IS YOU!"
Years ago, when I was somewhere around grade school age, I clearly remember an argument between my grandpa and my dad in our living room. They were arguing about financial issues with our farm--my home. I remember Grandpa saying these words, "Dean, I don't care about you."
From that moment on, unbeknownst to me, my energies rushed in to guard and protect my dad, the victim. From then on, I experienced my dad ALWAYS being the victim in his relationship with my grandpa--and that colored my own personal relationship with my grandpa, who treated me with utmost kindness, though I kept him at arms length. No one was going to get away with not caring about my dad, and not experience some painful consequences, dammit!
Their fighting and inability to get along with one another nearly tore me to pieces--and it got perpetuated in my dad and mom's relationship with Dad's siblings, my beloved aunts and uncles. And that shredded me up even more--poor victim Penny. Who's side should I pick?
But you don't care about me and my experiences, do you? Not really. And that's perfectly okay with me--because unconditional love lets go and has no expectations. And it's my life, after all--not yours.
Even when I recognized, and tried to control and handle the victimhood energies in myself--I couldn't seem to get my dad, someone I loved, and idolized, to take responsibility for playing his own victimhood roles. Ultimately, I realized that that was an agenda of my own, too. I finally realized that underneath all those agendas we humans play with, LOVE WITHOUT EXPECTATION is still ALWAYS there, no matter what. And I set us both free by accepting us in all our ways, especially for those grating human imperfections.
I've discovered that if I don't trust myself and others fully, then I'm radiating out, or emoting, that I am a victim. And the unconditionally-loving Universe energies rush into to match and support me, by manifesting someone, or something, to victimize me.
This is why it's important to be AWARE of myself: "Am I BREATHING CONSCIOUSLY, and am I FEELING AT EASE in, and with myself?"
Victimhood is just an acting role...one that even I can play...
I've had a whole lot of experience at playing the victim part--more than my Little All-alone Human aspect likes to examine very closely. I'm not a lover of the energy feeding that goes hand-in-hand with victimhood, as you can see reading my posts--and I've honestly been judging that as a "wrong way to be." Thus, I've been prolifically manifesting and re-cycling victimhood dramas, much to my consternation--with me being the central victimized character in all of them. Plus I've been surrounded by everyone outside of me in my world playing out victim/victimizer roles. What a tangled webby fricken mess! Ha!
"You should care about the victims of..." Pretending to care perpetuates the pretense of victimhood.
Human Beliefs about the things we're supposed to really care about--that really matter--are LOADED with INCONSISTENCIES completely at odds with one another.
And that is creating an emotional tug-of-war game within each and every one of us. That, then, results in us manifesting chaotically-inconsistent experiences because of those all-over-the-map, offensive, and defensive FEELINGS radiating out from our central core of being.
Those beliefs are merely suggestions--not necessarily truths,UNLESS, you make them your truth.
It's deeply ingrained in all of us, through example and instruction, that a "truly good and loving human cares about certain things 'they-out-there-somewhere' deem important." Only they're full to bursting with inconsistencies and they seem to be fighting for VICTIMHOOD priority over one another.
For example: The Earth--our schools teach us to feel guilty about causing pollution, and then to self-righteously fight it by accusing and blaming and shaming others for their abuse of our beloved planet. We're taught to be responsible earth-bloodsuckers by getting on the recycling bandwagon in a miserable attempt to lessen our "parasitic impact." BUT, at the same time, as kids, we're sent out to sell magazines (paper products made from killing those precious trees), and cookies and junk-food (sugar is bad for health and makes us fat and lazy) that tastes crappy, in tins (made in some third world country) that eventually fill the ever-more-over-flowing landfills with even more unnecessary garbage (which we should be ashamed of, dammit). There is also the conflicting belief that you "poor little kids" need to sell stuff (a marketing ploy for some hokey business), and make money in order to have a well-rounded education. Never mind, that those of us with homes and property in those areas are already paying, through taxation, to educate our community's children.
I recently said no to a boy scout and his mother because of being tired of pretending I liked the rancid measly amount of popcorn in an ugly tin that we've bought from them for the last several years. I didn't complain to them about the quality of the last stuff because I honestly don't remember the face of the scouts who sold it to us in the past. I felt kind of icky telling them (he was a really cute and friendly little boy) I wasn't interested, though he and his mom handled it respectfully and considerately. But I have been making myself pretend to being okay with being a victim of this silly type of dramatic ploy for SO MANY DAMN YEARS. So I risked them not coming to my door ever again to hound me to buy a piece of junk--what did I have to lose?
And you know what? I realize, after writing all of this out, that I don't care about all those victimy stories I just blabbed about up above, and throughout this blog of mine. They don't matter! None of it matters. I don't care! And I certainly don't care whether anyone else does either.
In fact, I hope what happens to, and with me, doesn't matter to you--because that means you truly love me, and you're honoring my sovereignty and freedom. And that, my friend, is a grand no-strings-attached gift.
I don't care...because I KNOW all is well in all of Creation. Maybe I don't fully trust myself yet, at times, but I'm getting there with every AWARE of MYSELF moment. And all this stuff that I'm experiencing and that I'm ASSUMING is about my ENLIGHTENMENT, well, it is about my realization of myself. I'm okay no matter what. I still exist, and I do fully trust that, even when feeling like a sucky little victim.
True, unconditional love releases completely--it doesn't hold on, not even a tiny bit.
True love is TOTALLY TRUSTING yourself, and TOTALLY TRUSTING everyone and everything other than oneself. The guarded walls encasing oneself COMPLETELY disappear--there is no protective armor or energy field, no offensive or defensive strategies. FEELING GRATITUDE drops all barriers and allows one to receive and flow with ease and grace.
The master BREATHES and walks with her/his energies open and flowing in harmony with everything that is. The master KNOWS WITHOUT A DOUBT that she/he is NEVER a VICTIM, not really--and that there's nothing to have to figure out how to guard oneself against. The master KNOWS she/he has never done anything wrong.
There have been so many instances when someone has been sick, has died, or was having relationship issues, of all kinds, where I've KNOWN that, honestly, I didn't really care what someone else was going through--but I was too afraid to admit it out loud, for fear of others thinking I was a cold-hearted bitch.
And succumbing to that fear kept me from experiencing disease, death, and relationships falling apart, any other way but the same old ways, over and over and over again. The cast of characters changed, but the stories' outcomes pretty much stayed the same.
So, here I am facing the huge guilt monster, and finally admitting what's really going on in my heart and thoughts--I don't care! I don't care about you. I don't care what happens!...because I KNOW ultimately All is well in all of Creation....I KNOW you are, we all are, OKAY!
Because, I recognize, and honor, my sovereignty and your sovereignty. I realize you're having an experience--one that you are choosing, on some level in you, to have. And I respect that. I have complete agenda-free, hands-off compassion for you, no matter how sucky and traumatic the experience may be. That means I don't feel sorry for you, not really. I don't care what happens with you, because I KNOW you're okay and you'll still exist even if you should seemingly die. I KNOW you are the master of your own life. "If it's in your life, you're liking it on some level because you put it there--and the ONLY ONE who can FREELY CHOOSE to remove or change it IS YOU!"
Years ago, when I was somewhere around grade school age, I clearly remember an argument between my grandpa and my dad in our living room. They were arguing about financial issues with our farm--my home. I remember Grandpa saying these words, "Dean, I don't care about you."
From that moment on, unbeknownst to me, my energies rushed in to guard and protect my dad, the victim. From then on, I experienced my dad ALWAYS being the victim in his relationship with my grandpa--and that colored my own personal relationship with my grandpa, who treated me with utmost kindness, though I kept him at arms length. No one was going to get away with not caring about my dad, and not experience some painful consequences, dammit!
Their fighting and inability to get along with one another nearly tore me to pieces--and it got perpetuated in my dad and mom's relationship with Dad's siblings, my beloved aunts and uncles. And that shredded me up even more--poor victim Penny. Who's side should I pick?
But you don't care about me and my experiences, do you? Not really. And that's perfectly okay with me--because unconditional love lets go and has no expectations. And it's my life, after all--not yours.
Even when I recognized, and tried to control and handle the victimhood energies in myself--I couldn't seem to get my dad, someone I loved, and idolized, to take responsibility for playing his own victimhood roles. Ultimately, I realized that that was an agenda of my own, too. I finally realized that underneath all those agendas we humans play with, LOVE WITHOUT EXPECTATION is still ALWAYS there, no matter what. And I set us both free by accepting us in all our ways, especially for those grating human imperfections.
I've discovered that if I don't trust myself and others fully, then I'm radiating out, or emoting, that I am a victim. And the unconditionally-loving Universe energies rush into to match and support me, by manifesting someone, or something, to victimize me.
This is why it's important to be AWARE of myself: "Am I BREATHING CONSCIOUSLY, and am I FEELING AT EASE in, and with myself?"
Victimhood is just an acting role...one that even I can play...
I've had a whole lot of experience at playing the victim part--more than my Little All-alone Human aspect likes to examine very closely. I'm not a lover of the energy feeding that goes hand-in-hand with victimhood, as you can see reading my posts--and I've honestly been judging that as a "wrong way to be." Thus, I've been prolifically manifesting and re-cycling victimhood dramas, much to my consternation--with me being the central victimized character in all of them. Plus I've been surrounded by everyone outside of me in my world playing out victim/victimizer roles. What a tangled webby fricken mess! Ha!
"You should care about the victims of..." Pretending to care perpetuates the pretense of victimhood.
Human Beliefs about the things we're supposed to really care about--that really matter--are LOADED with INCONSISTENCIES completely at odds with one another.
And that is creating an emotional tug-of-war game within each and every one of us. That, then, results in us manifesting chaotically-inconsistent experiences because of those all-over-the-map, offensive, and defensive FEELINGS radiating out from our central core of being.
Those beliefs are merely suggestions--not necessarily truths,UNLESS, you make them your truth.
It's deeply ingrained in all of us, through example and instruction, that a "truly good and loving human cares about certain things 'they-out-there-somewhere' deem important." Only they're full to bursting with inconsistencies and they seem to be fighting for VICTIMHOOD priority over one another.
For example: The Earth--our schools teach us to feel guilty about causing pollution, and then to self-righteously fight it by accusing and blaming and shaming others for their abuse of our beloved planet. We're taught to be responsible earth-bloodsuckers by getting on the recycling bandwagon in a miserable attempt to lessen our "parasitic impact." BUT, at the same time, as kids, we're sent out to sell magazines (paper products made from killing those precious trees), and cookies and junk-food (sugar is bad for health and makes us fat and lazy) that tastes crappy, in tins (made in some third world country) that eventually fill the ever-more-over-flowing landfills with even more unnecessary garbage (which we should be ashamed of, dammit). There is also the conflicting belief that you "poor little kids" need to sell stuff (a marketing ploy for some hokey business), and make money in order to have a well-rounded education. Never mind, that those of us with homes and property in those areas are already paying, through taxation, to educate our community's children.
I recently said no to a boy scout and his mother because of being tired of pretending I liked the rancid measly amount of popcorn in an ugly tin that we've bought from them for the last several years. I didn't complain to them about the quality of the last stuff because I honestly don't remember the face of the scouts who sold it to us in the past. I felt kind of icky telling them (he was a really cute and friendly little boy) I wasn't interested, though he and his mom handled it respectfully and considerately. But I have been making myself pretend to being okay with being a victim of this silly type of dramatic ploy for SO MANY DAMN YEARS. So I risked them not coming to my door ever again to hound me to buy a piece of junk--what did I have to lose?
And you know what? I realize, after writing all of this out, that I don't care about all those victimy stories I just blabbed about up above, and throughout this blog of mine. They don't matter! None of it matters. I don't care! And I certainly don't care whether anyone else does either.
In fact, I hope what happens to, and with me, doesn't matter to you--because that means you truly love me, and you're honoring my sovereignty and freedom. And that, my friend, is a grand no-strings-attached gift.
I don't care...because I KNOW all is well in all of Creation. Maybe I don't fully trust myself yet, at times, but I'm getting there with every AWARE of MYSELF moment. And all this stuff that I'm experiencing and that I'm ASSUMING is about my ENLIGHTENMENT, well, it is about my realization of myself. I'm okay no matter what. I still exist, and I do fully trust that, even when feeling like a sucky little victim.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Bringing Down the Walls
I've had a multitude of protective walls that I BUILT around myself--many of them stemming from childhood. The only way I've managed to lower them is by first becoming aware that they're there. You have to be aware of your point of presence--what and where your thoughts are and what you're feeling--radiating out as your truth--in the moment at hand.
The Corpse
We've had enough bitter cold windy weather that I found myself feeling a bit stir-crazy--I haven't been walking much outdoors, and that's one of my favorite ways of flowing energies. So, the past few days, I put on my yoga pants and did a few stretches--and managed to experience an ah-Ha! this morning.
You should know--I've never taken a yoga class or even watched a video. And I certainly wouldn't want anyone videoing me as I go through whatever positions come to mind. You'd definitely have a good laugh, and I guess I'd be just fine with that. In some ways, I'm pretty flexible, and in others, definitely not just yet. I had an alternative-medicine book that had yoga positions printed in the back, so I played with trying them out, and I liked how it increased my awareness of my body while breathing consciously and gently stretching various muscle groups. I feel taller and more master-y when I'm done.
As I was going through the yoga positions this morning, I had an inner debate about whether or not I should bother with "The Corpse." After all, you don't do anything except lie there on the floor like you're dead--you lie flat on your back with your feet a shoulder's width apart, hands palms-up about 6 six inches from your body on either side, and let your body melt into the floor. You're dead.
If you've read any of my other posts in the past, you'll note that I've only ever mentioned using one yoga pose ever before--the Corpse! I used it to do a body scan--to get in touch with some emotional wounds from my past. In fact, I've probably gotten more benefit from the Corpse than any other position. All because I don't have to do anything!
Being a corpse ALLOWED me to let go of my human to-do list for a few breaths.
Being a corpse ALLOWED me to DROP my protective WALLS!
When you're dead, it's too late to worry about all those human stories and issues. There's nothing you can do anymore. You're done. None of it matters anymore...SO DOWN COME THE WALLS!
And you just FLOW....
When you're dead, it's too late to worry about all those human stories and issues. There's nothing you can do anymore. You're done. None of it matters anymore...SO DOWN COME THE WALLS!
And you just FLOW....
Adamus Saint-Germain (of crimsoncircle.com) has often said that death is easier than birth. That when we die, it's a release from having to perform in such a dense and limited physical body. It's FREEING! These bodies are an amazing gift in experience, but we all know how difficult it's been to be so closed in, in such a blind consciousness where we've believed for so long that all we are is an itty-bitty all-alone human in a tough and scary world. It hasn't been easy being human--and we've gotten quite experienced at putting up walls and toughening up in order to stay embodied here.
But now, my consciousness has gotten clearer--I've awakened to who I really am--and the old walls have turned into barriers, which are stopping the energy flow, thus keeping me from manifesting the more abundant life I know I'm capable of creating. I know the energy potentials are there, but I also know now, that I've been unconsciously preventing them from coming in fully, due to the protective armor I put on in order to navigate the old world consciousness 3-D reality of my past.
Crimsoncircle.com offered a Cloud Class (an on-demand online video) called Dreamwalk into Childhood Magic. The Crimson Circle website offers all their monthly shouds/channels (in the forms of video, audio and text) for free in the channel library. They also offer workshops and Cloud classes, like the one above, around the world, that they charge for--they've been using this to fund their work and to maintain so much free material on their website. I felt strongly drawn to doing this particular dreamwalk into childhood--I've had a lot of recurring dreams, I had an imaginary friend, I felt quite connected to nature, and I was afraid of entities in the dark. You know, the stuff we adults have a tendency to just dismiss as kids having wild imaginations.
The dreamwalk surprised me, because it helped me become aware of all kinds of protective walls and guards that I created back then in order to not be so sensitive--so vulnerable. I just lately have remembered making the conscious choice in grade school to toughen up and not allow myself to cry so much or allow others to see how much I could feel hurt. I functioned, but I was in hiding. I also remember consciously thinking that I didn't want to grow up--because I knew it would be difficult. I wasn't one of those girls anxious to purchase my first bra and go out on dates. I liked boys just fine--but only as friends to play with.
I identified--became aware of--some of my old protective barriers, which basically inhibit the natural flow of energies serving me.
Due to a mental fight within me of trying to control them, I wasn't allowing their natural flow, and that held them in place in my reality--as manifested issues:
When TV went digital, neither my husband nor I were interested in paying for cable or satellite so we quit watching TV. It was feeling too noisy for me in so many different ways.
I was tired of watching mostly commercials selling prescription drugs and products that pointed out my flaws.
The news was focused on judgmental, sensational gossip and politics.
Sports and all that competition-comparison/reality TV stuff didn't inspire me to laugh or let loose. Nor did courtroom TV or shows like Top Cop. I'm not interested in drama queens or kings and their "issues." Friendly competition is fine for those who enjoy it--and I can throw myself into the role of teasingly pretending to be a sore loser, but I generally don't care if I win or lose. I'd rather play the sport or game than watch it--no matter how clutzy or how much of a non-strategist I may be. We used to play volleyball down on the farm, and it was always fun to see how long we could keep it going back and forth--and to watch my brother's antics of flinging himself to the ground in order to do just that. I remember letting loose and laughing a lot, but I don't remember who won any of those games.
I like mysteries, but then the focus was becoming more on grisly forensics and the most heinous crimes and perversities humans could commit.
I think music should be sung and danced with joyous abandon--not necessarily for judgment by the Simon Cowells or dance experts of the world. I found myself actually feeling more inhibited when watching the singing, musical and dance competitions that seem to have overtaken primetime TV. I frustratingly found my own voice closing up--I was afraid to even try to sing, for fear of sounding awful.
I do enjoy watching people who dance well--and it inspires me to dance--because it looks so graceful, expressive and fun. But I have the most fun when dancing myself. Here again--I can see the merits of friendly competition--because it does encourage us to go beyond our limits, but it feels like we should encourage everyone to enjoy the arts--not just the few we've dubbed as talented.
I learned in a drawing class that we're all capable of drawing in a manner beautifully and uniquely our own. I watched in delighted amazement as classmates, who, at the start, said they could draw nothing but stick figures, turned out the most amazing art portfolios for our final class. It helped to be reminded that we ALL can draw, and to be given a few pointers on perspective and how to draw what one sees, instead of what one thinks--instead of focusing on FEELINGLY believing that only other, more gifted people "out there" are capable of creating great art. Great art, in all forms, comes from those who've set themselves FREE to EXPRESS.
I enjoy sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory because their antics make me laugh, and I enjoy their celebration of the quirkiness of being a human being. I think it would be fun to act in them myself--and to bring that concept to local community theatres where all ages can participate.
Watching others whom I admire, very generous people like Oprah and Ellen, started backfiring on me. I kept walking away feeling down on myself--like I wasn't doing enough, being enough. I was comparing myself to them, so instead of feeling uplifted and excited about being here in human form as the gift I know I am--each of us--is, I felt like crap, unworthy. I felt myself pressuring me to perform--but instead of becoming a more perfect, all-serving human, I was feeling more stuck, resentful and unheard, unnoticed. I felt like a loser. How are those for walls?
I finally realized that I'm serving all others the best when I FIRST have love and compassion and gratitude for myself. It's like that airplane crash scenario, where you put your own oxygen mask on first--instead of going the self-sacrifice and martyrdom route--so that you are alive then, to help another get their supply of oxygen. Dead hands can't hold oxygen masks for others.
When you're watching TV sometime, close your eyes for a moment and feel into how you're feeling, what your thoughts are, what parts about yourself you're trying to avoid thinking about, how you're trying to monitor and control your very being. Can you feel that struggle going on inside of you? Can you feel the pressure you're putting on yourself to perform perfectly? Can you feel and hear the voices in your head yammering at you to BE something, DO something? Can you feel yourself trying to referee the fight between two polar-opposite ideas--to energetically struggle within to find that "happy-medium" so you can feel a release, a bit of ease in being here in a human body with a human identity?
I've often felt this struggle to balance--HOLD--energies when someone I loved was viciously gossiping about another person. I didn't like hearing those things about anyone, and yet I could empathetically feel my beloved gossiper's own lack of self-worth. I didn't want to hurt anyone any further, so I stayed quiet. But inside of myself I was energetically putting up protective walls around the subject of the gossip, while wrapping my arms around the one gossiping in an attempt to unconditionally accept them, yet mentally chastising them, "That's no way to be." I was searching once again for that happy medium--trying to mentally figure it all out--and that was one painful, heavy juggling act.
I found the key was to let it all go, to let them be in their unique, sovereign, and chosen human experience--to take a deep breath and drop my juggling act. Nobody needed me to juggle anything. I finally remembered KNOWING that everyone was okay and I didn't have to protect anyone--not even me.
When I was a kid, a certain lady would come to spend a night with us, and she was so caught up in having a perfect immaculate house that we dreaded her visits. Mom would have us go through the house scrubbing and cleaning with a vengeance, on the look-out for cobwebs--but no matter how much we cleaned, the woman managed to find something that would bring out our cleanliness insecurities. I remember her running her finger across the seat of the Lowery organ bench before she sat down on it--the bench I'd just dusted with Pledge--ha!
Needless to say, I didn't necessarily believe that cleanliness was next to godliness. In my own home, I wanted people to feel comfortable and welcomed. I didn't want anyone to feel as though they had to tip-toe through my house for fear of leaving me a mess to clean up afterwards. But I also enjoy having a relatively clean home--that is easily maintained without a lot of efforting on anyone's part. I'm getting tired of the routine of trying to keep it all fresh and spotless. My attention span for cleaning has gotten a lot shorter. I seem to be tired of the old stories about how much work it takes to maintain a home. I'd rather not even discuss home projects with others. I love spontaneous visits from friends. They often seem to stop by though, without fail, when I'm at my messiest and most disgusting.
I've recently noted that while I enjoy having my husband's company in the kitchen and that I enjoy when he cooks or bakes for us--we do things differently. We've got quirks, and because I use the kitchen the most, and I don't like sticky greasy surfaces, I've gotten a bit territorial about it--and I try to keep it free of dirty dishes and sloppy floors. I wash and wipe-up as I go along. These are not his priorities, and when he cooks, he seems to fling stuff unintentionally. He cleans up his big catastrophic mess after he's all done--even mops and dries the floor--but it wreaks havoc with me anyway because he's simply unaware of some of the little things that drive me crazy. It's better if I just leave the room and go enjoy myself elsewhere, otherwise I catch myself trying to get him to do things my way, and I struggle to keep myself from doing that. My mind is constantly poking a finger at me, telling me "Don't be a hen-pecking nag!" and at the same time it's saying, "Don't be a floor mat!"
The funny thing is, I'm comfortable with allowing other people--even kids--to let loose and create in my kitchen. It's my husband--my closest mirror of myself--that I have the issue with. Go figure.
Can you feel the struggle? How much is enough, or too much--either way? I haven't mentally figured out a balance--and I most likely never will with that approach. Because I'm feeling that emotional conflict inside, that's what I'm radiating out into the Universe--and the energies of the cosmos lovingly and unconditionally rush in to match my inner struggle. I just end up with more struggle, no ease.
My answer has been to wrap my arms around Imperfect Human Penny, tell her I love her, and let myself feel my unconditional love for her. I let myself immerse in the icky, perturbed feelings of being in my messed-up kitchen, and I allowed myself to immerse in the joy of having someone else prepare a meal for us. I don't have to be any certain way--I can be all of it, and it'll find it's own balance in my reality naturally, if I just let go of the struggle to do it myself. I end up laughing at and with myself. I took the pressure off, acknowledged I was aware of the inner fight, and I let myself go--I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE IN ALL OF MY GLORIOUS IMPERFECTION.
I was trying to perform as a perfect human, but in order to play the human experience game, you have to allow yourself to be imperfect.
In order to be perceived, the LIGHT needs some SHADOW--some DARKNESS.
Years ago, The Group, channelled by Steve and Barbara Rother of espavo.com, pointed out that the most valuable diamonds in the world were the naturally occurring ones--and that their value, color, and identity was dependent on their flaws. Yes, in this day and age, flawless man-made diamonds are available--but they're no where near as valuable as those natural-occurring ones with the occlusions. The Group said that the priceless value and beauty of every single one of us humans is in our unique flaws. They give us each a color and a light expression that no one else has. Every ray of light is important to the beauty of the whole spectrum. I've found that idea both comforting and freeing.
SO, celebrate your flaws!
I identified--became aware of--some of my old protective barriers, which basically inhibit the natural flow of energies serving me.
Due to a mental fight within me of trying to control them, I wasn't allowing their natural flow, and that held them in place in my reality--as manifested issues:
When TV went digital, neither my husband nor I were interested in paying for cable or satellite so we quit watching TV. It was feeling too noisy for me in so many different ways.
I was tired of watching mostly commercials selling prescription drugs and products that pointed out my flaws.
The news was focused on judgmental, sensational gossip and politics.
Sports and all that competition-comparison/reality TV stuff didn't inspire me to laugh or let loose. Nor did courtroom TV or shows like Top Cop. I'm not interested in drama queens or kings and their "issues." Friendly competition is fine for those who enjoy it--and I can throw myself into the role of teasingly pretending to be a sore loser, but I generally don't care if I win or lose. I'd rather play the sport or game than watch it--no matter how clutzy or how much of a non-strategist I may be. We used to play volleyball down on the farm, and it was always fun to see how long we could keep it going back and forth--and to watch my brother's antics of flinging himself to the ground in order to do just that. I remember letting loose and laughing a lot, but I don't remember who won any of those games.
I like mysteries, but then the focus was becoming more on grisly forensics and the most heinous crimes and perversities humans could commit.
I think music should be sung and danced with joyous abandon--not necessarily for judgment by the Simon Cowells or dance experts of the world. I found myself actually feeling more inhibited when watching the singing, musical and dance competitions that seem to have overtaken primetime TV. I frustratingly found my own voice closing up--I was afraid to even try to sing, for fear of sounding awful.
I do enjoy watching people who dance well--and it inspires me to dance--because it looks so graceful, expressive and fun. But I have the most fun when dancing myself. Here again--I can see the merits of friendly competition--because it does encourage us to go beyond our limits, but it feels like we should encourage everyone to enjoy the arts--not just the few we've dubbed as talented.
I learned in a drawing class that we're all capable of drawing in a manner beautifully and uniquely our own. I watched in delighted amazement as classmates, who, at the start, said they could draw nothing but stick figures, turned out the most amazing art portfolios for our final class. It helped to be reminded that we ALL can draw, and to be given a few pointers on perspective and how to draw what one sees, instead of what one thinks--instead of focusing on FEELINGLY believing that only other, more gifted people "out there" are capable of creating great art. Great art, in all forms, comes from those who've set themselves FREE to EXPRESS.
I enjoy sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory because their antics make me laugh, and I enjoy their celebration of the quirkiness of being a human being. I think it would be fun to act in them myself--and to bring that concept to local community theatres where all ages can participate.
Watching others whom I admire, very generous people like Oprah and Ellen, started backfiring on me. I kept walking away feeling down on myself--like I wasn't doing enough, being enough. I was comparing myself to them, so instead of feeling uplifted and excited about being here in human form as the gift I know I am--each of us--is, I felt like crap, unworthy. I felt myself pressuring me to perform--but instead of becoming a more perfect, all-serving human, I was feeling more stuck, resentful and unheard, unnoticed. I felt like a loser. How are those for walls?
I finally realized that I'm serving all others the best when I FIRST have love and compassion and gratitude for myself. It's like that airplane crash scenario, where you put your own oxygen mask on first--instead of going the self-sacrifice and martyrdom route--so that you are alive then, to help another get their supply of oxygen. Dead hands can't hold oxygen masks for others.
When you're watching TV sometime, close your eyes for a moment and feel into how you're feeling, what your thoughts are, what parts about yourself you're trying to avoid thinking about, how you're trying to monitor and control your very being. Can you feel that struggle going on inside of you? Can you feel the pressure you're putting on yourself to perform perfectly? Can you feel and hear the voices in your head yammering at you to BE something, DO something? Can you feel yourself trying to referee the fight between two polar-opposite ideas--to energetically struggle within to find that "happy-medium" so you can feel a release, a bit of ease in being here in a human body with a human identity?
I've often felt this struggle to balance--HOLD--energies when someone I loved was viciously gossiping about another person. I didn't like hearing those things about anyone, and yet I could empathetically feel my beloved gossiper's own lack of self-worth. I didn't want to hurt anyone any further, so I stayed quiet. But inside of myself I was energetically putting up protective walls around the subject of the gossip, while wrapping my arms around the one gossiping in an attempt to unconditionally accept them, yet mentally chastising them, "That's no way to be." I was searching once again for that happy medium--trying to mentally figure it all out--and that was one painful, heavy juggling act.
I found the key was to let it all go, to let them be in their unique, sovereign, and chosen human experience--to take a deep breath and drop my juggling act. Nobody needed me to juggle anything. I finally remembered KNOWING that everyone was okay and I didn't have to protect anyone--not even me.
When I was a kid, a certain lady would come to spend a night with us, and she was so caught up in having a perfect immaculate house that we dreaded her visits. Mom would have us go through the house scrubbing and cleaning with a vengeance, on the look-out for cobwebs--but no matter how much we cleaned, the woman managed to find something that would bring out our cleanliness insecurities. I remember her running her finger across the seat of the Lowery organ bench before she sat down on it--the bench I'd just dusted with Pledge--ha!
Needless to say, I didn't necessarily believe that cleanliness was next to godliness. In my own home, I wanted people to feel comfortable and welcomed. I didn't want anyone to feel as though they had to tip-toe through my house for fear of leaving me a mess to clean up afterwards. But I also enjoy having a relatively clean home--that is easily maintained without a lot of efforting on anyone's part. I'm getting tired of the routine of trying to keep it all fresh and spotless. My attention span for cleaning has gotten a lot shorter. I seem to be tired of the old stories about how much work it takes to maintain a home. I'd rather not even discuss home projects with others. I love spontaneous visits from friends. They often seem to stop by though, without fail, when I'm at my messiest and most disgusting.
I've recently noted that while I enjoy having my husband's company in the kitchen and that I enjoy when he cooks or bakes for us--we do things differently. We've got quirks, and because I use the kitchen the most, and I don't like sticky greasy surfaces, I've gotten a bit territorial about it--and I try to keep it free of dirty dishes and sloppy floors. I wash and wipe-up as I go along. These are not his priorities, and when he cooks, he seems to fling stuff unintentionally. He cleans up his big catastrophic mess after he's all done--even mops and dries the floor--but it wreaks havoc with me anyway because he's simply unaware of some of the little things that drive me crazy. It's better if I just leave the room and go enjoy myself elsewhere, otherwise I catch myself trying to get him to do things my way, and I struggle to keep myself from doing that. My mind is constantly poking a finger at me, telling me "Don't be a hen-pecking nag!" and at the same time it's saying, "Don't be a floor mat!"
The funny thing is, I'm comfortable with allowing other people--even kids--to let loose and create in my kitchen. It's my husband--my closest mirror of myself--that I have the issue with. Go figure.
Can you feel the struggle? How much is enough, or too much--either way? I haven't mentally figured out a balance--and I most likely never will with that approach. Because I'm feeling that emotional conflict inside, that's what I'm radiating out into the Universe--and the energies of the cosmos lovingly and unconditionally rush in to match my inner struggle. I just end up with more struggle, no ease.
My answer has been to wrap my arms around Imperfect Human Penny, tell her I love her, and let myself feel my unconditional love for her. I let myself immerse in the icky, perturbed feelings of being in my messed-up kitchen, and I allowed myself to immerse in the joy of having someone else prepare a meal for us. I don't have to be any certain way--I can be all of it, and it'll find it's own balance in my reality naturally, if I just let go of the struggle to do it myself. I end up laughing at and with myself. I took the pressure off, acknowledged I was aware of the inner fight, and I let myself go--I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE IN ALL OF MY GLORIOUS IMPERFECTION.
I was trying to perform as a perfect human, but in order to play the human experience game, you have to allow yourself to be imperfect.
In order to be perceived, the LIGHT needs some SHADOW--some DARKNESS.
Years ago, The Group, channelled by Steve and Barbara Rother of espavo.com, pointed out that the most valuable diamonds in the world were the naturally occurring ones--and that their value, color, and identity was dependent on their flaws. Yes, in this day and age, flawless man-made diamonds are available--but they're no where near as valuable as those natural-occurring ones with the occlusions. The Group said that the priceless value and beauty of every single one of us humans is in our unique flaws. They give us each a color and a light expression that no one else has. Every ray of light is important to the beauty of the whole spectrum. I've found that idea both comforting and freeing.
SO, celebrate your flaws!
Go play "Dead" for a few moments:
Close your eyes, and see how you feel without the protective armor weighing you down...
Can you feel yourself flowing?...
Is that a smile on your face?
Close your eyes, and see how you feel without the protective armor weighing you down...
Can you feel yourself flowing?...
Is that a smile on your face?
Here's an excerpt about my first experiences with the yoga Corpse pose, from an earlier post entitled, Trust Yourself--Your Inner Knowingness:
The day after Gary Zukov's appearance on Oprah, as I was working away in the kitchen, pondering over his words about how we humans try to avoid and deny pain, I accidentally slammed my thumb in one of the drawers. As I instinctively grabbed my thumb with my other hand to squeeze it tightly, I realized that I was just putting off feeling the pain. I told myself to take a breath, relax, remove my hand and just let myself experience the pain—really go in and feel it. So I did, and a funny thing happened. The pain wasn’t anywhere near the tremendous throbbing I had initially anticipated. In fact, it subsided very quickly, while in my mind I tried to focus in on its center of origin and tried to describe it to myself.
That experience led me to another application. I’d been walking around that day with an ache in my lower back. It was one of those general aches that I couldn’t connect with any instance of having done something physically to cause it. But it was there and I felt my energy draining due to its presence.
In keeping with my train of thought of just making the effort to allow myself to experience the pain, I laid down on the floor in the yoga position called the corpse—lying flat on your back with your feet 18 inches apart and your hands 6 inches from your sides, breathing deeply. I then used a breathing exercise to center myself in the moment. I breathed in through my nose, filling my diaphragm, to the count of four. I held it for seven and then breathed out through my mouth to the count of eight. After taking a few deep breaths I turned my attention to feeling my heart beat, then mentally scanned my body for the ache I’d been feeling. I decided to focus on, and follow, the ache to its center and describe and experience it fully. As I did so I reminded myself that I was okay, to take a breath and relax and just let myself feel it.
Suddenly memories and thoughts came to my mind of events which had taken place twenty years prior. I remembered having to move from the farm into town when I was a sophomore in high school. My brother moved onto the place so we left our dogs and cats out there. That farm and those pets were my life at that time, and they eventually died. I realized how angry I’d been at having to move into town and I also realized that when each dog died and each cat disappeared I had never allowed myself to mourn their passing. Here I was, twenty years later, bawling my eyes out, over my loss. I hadn’t even really recognized how angry a person I was in those days until this moment. I had basically used the anger to avoid feeling the pain.
I laid there crying it out, and as the tears flowed I felt the pain in my lower back ebb away to nothingness, leaving behind only the sensation of having had those muscles put through a workout. They didn’t feel overly stretched or strained. It was a pleasant feeling of having done something good for my body.
Wow! These bodies are amazing!
That experience led me to another application. I’d been walking around that day with an ache in my lower back. It was one of those general aches that I couldn’t connect with any instance of having done something physically to cause it. But it was there and I felt my energy draining due to its presence.
In keeping with my train of thought of just making the effort to allow myself to experience the pain, I laid down on the floor in the yoga position called the corpse—lying flat on your back with your feet 18 inches apart and your hands 6 inches from your sides, breathing deeply. I then used a breathing exercise to center myself in the moment. I breathed in through my nose, filling my diaphragm, to the count of four. I held it for seven and then breathed out through my mouth to the count of eight. After taking a few deep breaths I turned my attention to feeling my heart beat, then mentally scanned my body for the ache I’d been feeling. I decided to focus on, and follow, the ache to its center and describe and experience it fully. As I did so I reminded myself that I was okay, to take a breath and relax and just let myself feel it.
Suddenly memories and thoughts came to my mind of events which had taken place twenty years prior. I remembered having to move from the farm into town when I was a sophomore in high school. My brother moved onto the place so we left our dogs and cats out there. That farm and those pets were my life at that time, and they eventually died. I realized how angry I’d been at having to move into town and I also realized that when each dog died and each cat disappeared I had never allowed myself to mourn their passing. Here I was, twenty years later, bawling my eyes out, over my loss. I hadn’t even really recognized how angry a person I was in those days until this moment. I had basically used the anger to avoid feeling the pain.
I laid there crying it out, and as the tears flowed I felt the pain in my lower back ebb away to nothingness, leaving behind only the sensation of having had those muscles put through a workout. They didn’t feel overly stretched or strained. It was a pleasant feeling of having done something good for my body.
Wow! These bodies are amazing!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Grudge or Gratitude?
"Giving thanks for ALL parts played--whether right, or seeming wrong..."
I was literally driving down the highway when the inspiration and feelings for the lyrics and melody of the following song came to me. It was all about going beyond just forgiveness, to actually FEELING SINCERE GRATITUDE for the hard parts in my life--and for the many beings who played the tough "betrayer" roles that I had scripted for someone to act out for me. All of it done just so I could see myself a little more clearly. My personal clarity made those old roles obsolete, thus the actors were released from their old character parts. I set them free to be with me in a new, more uplifting manner for all of us--if we both chose to do so. Sometimes, we just freely go our separate ways.
Holding grudges did not sit well with me, though I have experienced having my share of them. In family or relationship squabbles, I had a difficult time choosing sides--because I often loved both parties. When it came to conspiracies or fighting someone that I believed as being wrong and bad, revenge or killing them didn't feel appropriate either--I wanted justice for all in the form of a loving and compassionate and forgiving resolution. I wanted the evil stories to no longer exist. I believed we could all change for the better, and that we could make amends that were real, and mutually fulfilling, for any harm we ever caused when our blindfolds were on.
From the very beginning of my awakening, I knew that the keys were to JUDGE NO MORE, to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE (kindly accept) MYSELF and EVERYONE ELSE, and to FEEL GRATITUDE for EVERYTHING. By choosing to perceive everything as a GIFT to ME, I've had the sense that everything would then work itself out from there on.
Because I finally see myself with so much more clarity, I no longer need someone to act out the dark parts of the aspects of myself that I was once unwilling to acknowledge, much less, unconditionally accept. In this new conscious awareness, that has become an obsolete tool.
As the author of my own personal world, I chose to quit writing those old stories. I see the GIFT that they were to me in helping me remember, to UNVEIL, my true self, my I am--the part of me that I had FORGOTTEN for so many ages. After blessing my past with gratitude, I'm now ready to write some brand new material--to create a brand new world reality for myself from the place of KNOWING WITHIN who I am, while benevolently honoring the sovereignty of all others, as well.
I stepped out of my old and singular human character identity and sat in the audience, so I could see it all from a greater and grander, divine perspective--from the perspective of all that I am. I found I could then actually enjoy these amazing temporary stories being played out by all of us together, for ourselves, and in service to each other, on this Earthly stage. I can smile as I watch these divine humans throw themselves into acting out their many parts, enjoying their moment on the stage of life, even when some don't appear, on the surface, to be enjoying it.
And all those things I once felt pressed to try to figure out, to fix, to control--well, I realized it's all okay, and that there is nothing to fix with this gift. I can easily allow, now, all of us our freedom.
The transformation is incredible to both observe, and to experience--truly this is a time to celebrate all that we are.
All of this transpired because I CHOSE--and kept choosing--to replace all my old grudges with GRATITUDE...
These Are My Footsteps
I was driving down the highway,
Thinking through my past,
When suddenly, it came to me,
As clear as crystal glass!
I have thanked you for the good times,
It's time to thank you for the bad.
All the parts we play, you see--
Show me who I am!
Chorus:
These are my footsteps,
My battles--
A contrast, every one--
To the Light which I see within me
Dawning as the sun!
The love that I sought was in me,
Buried 'neath the film.
From the sorrows of a blinded heart
To the joys
Of opened eyes!
Thank you to the doctors
Who could not cure my ills.
All you seemed to see was the "sin" in me,
Which we tried to fix with pills.
It made me look past my pained condition
To the perfection that's my Soul.
I never would have seen it,
Much less, believed it--
Had you done anymore than god's will!
Mom and Dad, you know that I have adored you
From the moment I was born.
Imagine my dismay, when I found one day
That to your views I'd not conform!
It made me look deep inside,
And question my pride,
For with this, I must not be wrong!
But what better way to see the strength of my faith--
Than have to "go against" the two of you...
To the lawyers who lost my cases,
All the systems that seemed to fail--
You always seemed to be
Persecuting me, condemning me to jail!
It made me look at my shameful judgments,
To the forgiveness of myself.
I finally dropped all my guards,
And hugged myself hard,
And I loved me through all my travails...
Chorus:
These are my footsteps,
My battles--
A contrast, every one--
To the Light which I see within me
Dawning as the sun!
The love that I sought was in me,
Buried 'neath the film.
From the sorrows of a blinded heart
To the joys
Of opened eyes!
Related Posts:
Good-bye Conspiracy Theories--Especially, Satan
Forgive Yourself: We're All Just Role-Playing Together
I was literally driving down the highway when the inspiration and feelings for the lyrics and melody of the following song came to me. It was all about going beyond just forgiveness, to actually FEELING SINCERE GRATITUDE for the hard parts in my life--and for the many beings who played the tough "betrayer" roles that I had scripted for someone to act out for me. All of it done just so I could see myself a little more clearly. My personal clarity made those old roles obsolete, thus the actors were released from their old character parts. I set them free to be with me in a new, more uplifting manner for all of us--if we both chose to do so. Sometimes, we just freely go our separate ways.
Holding grudges did not sit well with me, though I have experienced having my share of them. In family or relationship squabbles, I had a difficult time choosing sides--because I often loved both parties. When it came to conspiracies or fighting someone that I believed as being wrong and bad, revenge or killing them didn't feel appropriate either--I wanted justice for all in the form of a loving and compassionate and forgiving resolution. I wanted the evil stories to no longer exist. I believed we could all change for the better, and that we could make amends that were real, and mutually fulfilling, for any harm we ever caused when our blindfolds were on.
From the very beginning of my awakening, I knew that the keys were to JUDGE NO MORE, to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE (kindly accept) MYSELF and EVERYONE ELSE, and to FEEL GRATITUDE for EVERYTHING. By choosing to perceive everything as a GIFT to ME, I've had the sense that everything would then work itself out from there on.
Because I finally see myself with so much more clarity, I no longer need someone to act out the dark parts of the aspects of myself that I was once unwilling to acknowledge, much less, unconditionally accept. In this new conscious awareness, that has become an obsolete tool.
As the author of my own personal world, I chose to quit writing those old stories. I see the GIFT that they were to me in helping me remember, to UNVEIL, my true self, my I am--the part of me that I had FORGOTTEN for so many ages. After blessing my past with gratitude, I'm now ready to write some brand new material--to create a brand new world reality for myself from the place of KNOWING WITHIN who I am, while benevolently honoring the sovereignty of all others, as well.
I stepped out of my old and singular human character identity and sat in the audience, so I could see it all from a greater and grander, divine perspective--from the perspective of all that I am. I found I could then actually enjoy these amazing temporary stories being played out by all of us together, for ourselves, and in service to each other, on this Earthly stage. I can smile as I watch these divine humans throw themselves into acting out their many parts, enjoying their moment on the stage of life, even when some don't appear, on the surface, to be enjoying it.
And all those things I once felt pressed to try to figure out, to fix, to control--well, I realized it's all okay, and that there is nothing to fix with this gift. I can easily allow, now, all of us our freedom.
The transformation is incredible to both observe, and to experience--truly this is a time to celebrate all that we are.
All of this transpired because I CHOSE--and kept choosing--to replace all my old grudges with GRATITUDE...
These Are My Footsteps
I was driving down the highway,
Thinking through my past,
When suddenly, it came to me,
As clear as crystal glass!
I have thanked you for the good times,
It's time to thank you for the bad.
All the parts we play, you see--
Show me who I am!
Chorus:
These are my footsteps,
My battles--
A contrast, every one--
To the Light which I see within me
Dawning as the sun!
The love that I sought was in me,
Buried 'neath the film.
From the sorrows of a blinded heart
To the joys
Of opened eyes!
Thank you to the doctors
Who could not cure my ills.
All you seemed to see was the "sin" in me,
Which we tried to fix with pills.
It made me look past my pained condition
To the perfection that's my Soul.
I never would have seen it,
Much less, believed it--
Had you done anymore than god's will!
Mom and Dad, you know that I have adored you
From the moment I was born.
Imagine my dismay, when I found one day
That to your views I'd not conform!
It made me look deep inside,
And question my pride,
For with this, I must not be wrong!
But what better way to see the strength of my faith--
Than have to "go against" the two of you...
To the lawyers who lost my cases,
All the systems that seemed to fail--
You always seemed to be
Persecuting me, condemning me to jail!
It made me look at my shameful judgments,
To the forgiveness of myself.
I finally dropped all my guards,
And hugged myself hard,
And I loved me through all my travails...
Chorus:
These are my footsteps,
My battles--
A contrast, every one--
To the Light which I see within me
Dawning as the sun!
The love that I sought was in me,
Buried 'neath the film.
From the sorrows of a blinded heart
To the joys
Of opened eyes!
Related Posts:
Good-bye Conspiracy Theories--Especially, Satan
Forgive Yourself: We're All Just Role-Playing Together
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Using the Body Pendulum vs. Dieting: Re-Connecting with Your Body with Gratitude & Loving-Kindness
It's the middle of January, and I'm already hearing stories of New Year's resolution dieters being frustrated with their weight-loss goals. So, rather than listen to people beat-up some more on themselves, critiquing and judging themselves--I'll share a little something SIMPLE that will free you from the tape measures, scales and goal-setting. And instead, re-connect you with that GIFT of a BODY you've been so blessed with. That beautiful body of a human BEING that you've become so disconnected from. You're so disconnected from yourself, that you're no longer even present in your bodies (embodiment)--thus the reason for many of the weight and disease issues each human experiences.
Let's get you back into those bodies--with utmost GRATITUDE for you--ALL of You!
...and that will free you from many of those issues you've burdened--literally WEIGHTED--yourself with.
Diets never worked for me. First, they're loaded with rules--and I have a tendency to challenge and break the rules in my own rebellious kind of way. Rules are too limiting and constricting, and the more I try to control and monitor myself--the more the very thing I'm trying to avoid pops into my reality.
My sister and I used to have sugar bets, where we tried to see who could avoid eating sweets for the longest time. It was our way of getting into shape--I seem to remember having made a few New Year's resolutions of my own in the past. The moment the bet started, I found myself "thinking" I was hungry and craving something sweet. I'd graze my way through the cupboards, trying to avoid the sweet stuff, and I'd end up eating way more than I did when I allowed myself the bit of sweetness in life that I so craved. The less I ALLOWED myself to indulge in the sweets, the more focused I became on my hunger and lack of joy in life. I changed nothing about my weight, and I grew less appreciative of myself. I was literally fighting with myself.
I grew up very health and diet conscious. My parents were fairly organic foods conscious--much of our diet was home-grown on the family farm. My sister has a degree in foods and nutrition. I was never much of one for taking a lot of medications or going to the doctor. I've been aware of that KNOWINGNESS within, that nudges and reminds me, that everything I need to live abundantly and healthfully in the world is right here INSIDE of ME. I don't need rituals and rules to follow, nor do I even need food to live--but I can enjoy the sensual gift of it all--this experience in the human body.
I used a tool called the BODY PENDULUM to re-establish a loving and compassionate, and more importantly, an APPRECIATIVE and SELF-AWARE relationship with my body.
The Body Pendulum:
While standing with your feet about a shoulder's width apart, hold the food (or medication or clothing) item in BOTH hands up against your heart.
Close your eyes...take a deep breath...
If you feel your body leaning FORWARD (rocking onto the balls of your feet) into the food item--it means "YES!" Your body is saying, "I will enjoy it, and feel good...at this moment in time."
If you feel your body leaning BACKWARDS (rocking onto the heels of your feet) away from the food item--it means "NO!" Your body is saying, "I don't want that--not AT THIS MOMENT in TIME."
Keep in mind, that NOTHING is PERMANENT. People often get tripped up with food allergies by BELIEVING that the allergy is a permanent issue in their life--and that FEAR feeds the reality manifestation--so they experience being STUCK with a food allergy. Utilize the body pendulum before ingesting anything you might normally be allergic to. If you get a "Yes" on something you usually were allergic to, step back out of the story, and give yourself the time and space to FEEL into whether or not you want to actually try it. You don't have to ingest it at all--especially if you FEEL any FEAR or DOUBT at all.
Be responsible for your own well-being:
Make sure that if you do CHOOSE to try something, try just a tiny, miniscule amount (a homoeopathic approach)--and make sure you have whatever medication you use for an allergic reaction ON HAND. The Kryon.com channelings has some excellent material on why homeopathy works: Click the following links: "The Mysterious Innate" and "Moving Into 2014."
Just remember: A "NO" answer just means "NOT AT THIS NOW MOMENT in time." It's not permanent.
DON'T eat ANYTHING you perceive as poisonous to yourself--just to test yourself--because you'll probably poison or kill yourself. TESTING oneself in such a way is idiotic--and you'll probably just die and have to be born all over again.
The more you play with using the body pendulum, the more you realize that some days it feels good to drink orange juice, for instance, but on other days, when orange juice doesn't really even sound appealing to you--you feel better by not drinking it. All that the Body Pendulum does is put you back in touch--into awareness with yourself in the PRESENT MOMENT at hand.
You'll find yourself eating, and enjoying, all kinds of foods you didn't even like in the past, or that you craved, but felt guilty about indulging in because some SUGGESTED BELIEF or BIASED SCIENTIFIC STUDY said it was "wrong." Over the years, I've observed the egg being believed to be all bad, to just the yolk being bad, to the white being the culprit, to the whole egg being good for you--depending on the latest diet and medical trend. All scientific studies--even the double-blind ones--are biased according to the consciousness of the person/s involved in them. I don't follow the advice of scientific studies anymore. I haven't for a long time.
What is good for one person, doesn't mean it's good for everyone, because we're each a pinpoint of consciousness, each having experiences, and perceptions of those experiences, that are unique to that individual. None of us see or experience things exactly alike. This is why diets and exercise regimens don't work. They may get you to a goal, but so often, we back-slide once the goal is reached, or the diet and routine has limited us so much that even though we look and feel healthy in our bodies, we're not enjoying living our lives--and that opens the door for some other form of DIS-ease to manifest.
I don't even need to use the body pendulum anymore. I just used it as a stepping-stone means to get back in touch with my own body.
I eat WHEN I feel hungry--not according to the three well-rounded meals-a-day schedule I was taught in grade school. I sometimes eat left-overs, if I have them, when I'm alone during the day. Sometimes cheese and crackers are appealing. Yesterday, I fried an egg and made toast. I nibble something here and there during the day, and I usually enjoy at least one evening meal with my husband on days that he works. We have cappuccinos and a snack in the afternoon when he gets home. Eating together, whether at the table or while sitting on the couch, watching a movie--it's a time for the two of us. And, yes, there are days when I'm not in the mood for cooking--and we eat fast food or frozen stuff that people often refer to as junkie, processed stuff. McDonald's French fries are still one of my favorites--and I allow myself to enjoy them when I crave them.
Some days, I crave chocolate--and I give myself chocolate in whatever form FEELS appealing to me in the moment. Sometimes, that means I bake us a decadent chocolate cake or brownies. Sometimes it's a Snickers candy bar or a piece of Dove dark chocolate. I may go a week or more eating a little chocolate every day, and then suddenly, I don't desire it anymore.
I never used to have a potato chip in the house, but now I enjoy kettle-cooked potato chips dipped in sour cream. Not a french onion dip either. I like just plain sour cream--something I had never even tried before this past year. And my husband likes them that way too, now--and, in the past, he wasn't much into using sour cream even on a potato.
I enjoy fruits and vegetables--raw or cooked or baked. I love how they color up a plate. Presentation of the food is as much fun for me now, as the eating. My latest favorite dressing for a fresh salad consisting of Romaine lettuce, sweet pepper, cucumber, carrot, sunflower seed and tortilla strips--is:
2 Tablespoons of freshly squeezed Lemon or Lime Juice
2 Tbsp. Sugar
2 Tbsp. Grapeseed or Olive oil
Fresh-ground pepper and salt to taste
I like how the salad pretties up the slice of pizza or whatever other food I serve it with. Sometimes, the salad alone is satisfying.
I love potatoes in the form of French fries--it's a comfort food, and brings up fond memories with my dad and my mom. Dad used to order a heaping plate of fries at the restaurant for whomever was at the table to share. Mom used to tell me I had to eat my hamburger first before eating my fries. Back when I was little, eating a meal consisting solely of greasy French fries meant Mom was probably going to have a kid with an upset tummy. To this day, I often become aware of myself quickly eating up my hamburger in order to get to my favorite French fries. My husband still gets a chuckle out of it. It's the one thing I'm faster at eating than he is.
I enjoy meat, too, and crave it at times--but I don't desire it every day.
I don't eat nearly the quantities of any foods that I used to--but I cook with whole milk, cream and butter. I also use grapeseed, olive and vegetable oils. I use whatever TASTES BEST--all without FEELING GUILTY. It all depends NOW on what FEELs appealing to me in the moment I'm creating a meal or a snack.
Even the cooking or baking has become a more sensual and joyful expression and experience. I play with recipes and spices--smelling and imagining potential combinations of textures and flavors and colors.
I can eat anything just to pacify a hunger pain, and not worry about it's effect on me.
I've found that I can even seemingly over-eat, and not feel painful consequences because of it. It's easy to over-indulge during the holidays with friends and family, when eating and enjoying the moment with others--and I've discovered that because I'm ALLOWING MYSELF to enjoy and appreciate all the sensuality of this life in the moment at hand, without radiating out GUILT--but with GRATITUDE instead--my body reacts in kind.
As for exercise--I keep it LIGHT and ENJOYABLE. I walk because I love to walk, whether alone or with company--especially outside in nature. I'm not a power walker--I lollygag and breathe in the moment sometimes, and sometimes I stretch out my stride, relishing the feel of my body in a faster gait. I bought active-wear clothing that is warm in winter and cool in summer--just because it makes my walk more enjoyable and easier. I do a few light yoga positions to BREATHE and STRETCH sometimes, especially at night when I awaken in the wee hours with body aches. It helps get me back into my body, and flows my energies. I also drink 4-6 ounces of water first thing in the morning, and as the last thing before going to sleep at night, because WATER helps FLOW CONSCIOUSNESS and energies, too--whether you drink or bathe in it.
So throw away those weigh scales and stop perusing yourself in the mirror with judgment, or comparing yourself to some other "more beautiful and fit" person "out there" somewhere. I've found that when I got caught up in comparing myself to others I always found someone out there more attractive and more beautiful than myself.
Instead, I take the WEIGHT of PRESSURE off by actually hugging myself, while FEELING GRATITUDE for all that I've been and experienced, and for all that I am right now. I love my life. I love being here on earth. I love this sensual experience of a human just being...and discovering who I really am...
Related Posts:
With this Body...
Let's get you back into those bodies--with utmost GRATITUDE for you--ALL of You!
...and that will free you from many of those issues you've burdened--literally WEIGHTED--yourself with.
Diets never worked for me. First, they're loaded with rules--and I have a tendency to challenge and break the rules in my own rebellious kind of way. Rules are too limiting and constricting, and the more I try to control and monitor myself--the more the very thing I'm trying to avoid pops into my reality.
My sister and I used to have sugar bets, where we tried to see who could avoid eating sweets for the longest time. It was our way of getting into shape--I seem to remember having made a few New Year's resolutions of my own in the past. The moment the bet started, I found myself "thinking" I was hungry and craving something sweet. I'd graze my way through the cupboards, trying to avoid the sweet stuff, and I'd end up eating way more than I did when I allowed myself the bit of sweetness in life that I so craved. The less I ALLOWED myself to indulge in the sweets, the more focused I became on my hunger and lack of joy in life. I changed nothing about my weight, and I grew less appreciative of myself. I was literally fighting with myself.
I grew up very health and diet conscious. My parents were fairly organic foods conscious--much of our diet was home-grown on the family farm. My sister has a degree in foods and nutrition. I was never much of one for taking a lot of medications or going to the doctor. I've been aware of that KNOWINGNESS within, that nudges and reminds me, that everything I need to live abundantly and healthfully in the world is right here INSIDE of ME. I don't need rituals and rules to follow, nor do I even need food to live--but I can enjoy the sensual gift of it all--this experience in the human body.
I used a tool called the BODY PENDULUM to re-establish a loving and compassionate, and more importantly, an APPRECIATIVE and SELF-AWARE relationship with my body.
The Body Pendulum:
While standing with your feet about a shoulder's width apart, hold the food (or medication or clothing) item in BOTH hands up against your heart.
Close your eyes...take a deep breath...
If you feel your body leaning FORWARD (rocking onto the balls of your feet) into the food item--it means "YES!" Your body is saying, "I will enjoy it, and feel good...at this moment in time."
If you feel your body leaning BACKWARDS (rocking onto the heels of your feet) away from the food item--it means "NO!" Your body is saying, "I don't want that--not AT THIS MOMENT in TIME."
Keep in mind, that NOTHING is PERMANENT. People often get tripped up with food allergies by BELIEVING that the allergy is a permanent issue in their life--and that FEAR feeds the reality manifestation--so they experience being STUCK with a food allergy. Utilize the body pendulum before ingesting anything you might normally be allergic to. If you get a "Yes" on something you usually were allergic to, step back out of the story, and give yourself the time and space to FEEL into whether or not you want to actually try it. You don't have to ingest it at all--especially if you FEEL any FEAR or DOUBT at all.
Be responsible for your own well-being:
Make sure that if you do CHOOSE to try something, try just a tiny, miniscule amount (a homoeopathic approach)--and make sure you have whatever medication you use for an allergic reaction ON HAND. The Kryon.com channelings has some excellent material on why homeopathy works: Click the following links: "The Mysterious Innate" and "Moving Into 2014."
Just remember: A "NO" answer just means "NOT AT THIS NOW MOMENT in time." It's not permanent.
DON'T eat ANYTHING you perceive as poisonous to yourself--just to test yourself--because you'll probably poison or kill yourself. TESTING oneself in such a way is idiotic--and you'll probably just die and have to be born all over again.
The more you play with using the body pendulum, the more you realize that some days it feels good to drink orange juice, for instance, but on other days, when orange juice doesn't really even sound appealing to you--you feel better by not drinking it. All that the Body Pendulum does is put you back in touch--into awareness with yourself in the PRESENT MOMENT at hand.
You'll find yourself eating, and enjoying, all kinds of foods you didn't even like in the past, or that you craved, but felt guilty about indulging in because some SUGGESTED BELIEF or BIASED SCIENTIFIC STUDY said it was "wrong." Over the years, I've observed the egg being believed to be all bad, to just the yolk being bad, to the white being the culprit, to the whole egg being good for you--depending on the latest diet and medical trend. All scientific studies--even the double-blind ones--are biased according to the consciousness of the person/s involved in them. I don't follow the advice of scientific studies anymore. I haven't for a long time.
What is good for one person, doesn't mean it's good for everyone, because we're each a pinpoint of consciousness, each having experiences, and perceptions of those experiences, that are unique to that individual. None of us see or experience things exactly alike. This is why diets and exercise regimens don't work. They may get you to a goal, but so often, we back-slide once the goal is reached, or the diet and routine has limited us so much that even though we look and feel healthy in our bodies, we're not enjoying living our lives--and that opens the door for some other form of DIS-ease to manifest.
I don't even need to use the body pendulum anymore. I just used it as a stepping-stone means to get back in touch with my own body.
I eat WHEN I feel hungry--not according to the three well-rounded meals-a-day schedule I was taught in grade school. I sometimes eat left-overs, if I have them, when I'm alone during the day. Sometimes cheese and crackers are appealing. Yesterday, I fried an egg and made toast. I nibble something here and there during the day, and I usually enjoy at least one evening meal with my husband on days that he works. We have cappuccinos and a snack in the afternoon when he gets home. Eating together, whether at the table or while sitting on the couch, watching a movie--it's a time for the two of us. And, yes, there are days when I'm not in the mood for cooking--and we eat fast food or frozen stuff that people often refer to as junkie, processed stuff. McDonald's French fries are still one of my favorites--and I allow myself to enjoy them when I crave them.
Some days, I crave chocolate--and I give myself chocolate in whatever form FEELS appealing to me in the moment. Sometimes, that means I bake us a decadent chocolate cake or brownies. Sometimes it's a Snickers candy bar or a piece of Dove dark chocolate. I may go a week or more eating a little chocolate every day, and then suddenly, I don't desire it anymore.
I never used to have a potato chip in the house, but now I enjoy kettle-cooked potato chips dipped in sour cream. Not a french onion dip either. I like just plain sour cream--something I had never even tried before this past year. And my husband likes them that way too, now--and, in the past, he wasn't much into using sour cream even on a potato.
I enjoy fruits and vegetables--raw or cooked or baked. I love how they color up a plate. Presentation of the food is as much fun for me now, as the eating. My latest favorite dressing for a fresh salad consisting of Romaine lettuce, sweet pepper, cucumber, carrot, sunflower seed and tortilla strips--is:
2 Tablespoons of freshly squeezed Lemon or Lime Juice
2 Tbsp. Sugar
2 Tbsp. Grapeseed or Olive oil
Fresh-ground pepper and salt to taste
I like how the salad pretties up the slice of pizza or whatever other food I serve it with. Sometimes, the salad alone is satisfying.
I love potatoes in the form of French fries--it's a comfort food, and brings up fond memories with my dad and my mom. Dad used to order a heaping plate of fries at the restaurant for whomever was at the table to share. Mom used to tell me I had to eat my hamburger first before eating my fries. Back when I was little, eating a meal consisting solely of greasy French fries meant Mom was probably going to have a kid with an upset tummy. To this day, I often become aware of myself quickly eating up my hamburger in order to get to my favorite French fries. My husband still gets a chuckle out of it. It's the one thing I'm faster at eating than he is.
I enjoy meat, too, and crave it at times--but I don't desire it every day.
I don't eat nearly the quantities of any foods that I used to--but I cook with whole milk, cream and butter. I also use grapeseed, olive and vegetable oils. I use whatever TASTES BEST--all without FEELING GUILTY. It all depends NOW on what FEELs appealing to me in the moment I'm creating a meal or a snack.
Even the cooking or baking has become a more sensual and joyful expression and experience. I play with recipes and spices--smelling and imagining potential combinations of textures and flavors and colors.
I can eat anything just to pacify a hunger pain, and not worry about it's effect on me.
I've found that I can even seemingly over-eat, and not feel painful consequences because of it. It's easy to over-indulge during the holidays with friends and family, when eating and enjoying the moment with others--and I've discovered that because I'm ALLOWING MYSELF to enjoy and appreciate all the sensuality of this life in the moment at hand, without radiating out GUILT--but with GRATITUDE instead--my body reacts in kind.
As for exercise--I keep it LIGHT and ENJOYABLE. I walk because I love to walk, whether alone or with company--especially outside in nature. I'm not a power walker--I lollygag and breathe in the moment sometimes, and sometimes I stretch out my stride, relishing the feel of my body in a faster gait. I bought active-wear clothing that is warm in winter and cool in summer--just because it makes my walk more enjoyable and easier. I do a few light yoga positions to BREATHE and STRETCH sometimes, especially at night when I awaken in the wee hours with body aches. It helps get me back into my body, and flows my energies. I also drink 4-6 ounces of water first thing in the morning, and as the last thing before going to sleep at night, because WATER helps FLOW CONSCIOUSNESS and energies, too--whether you drink or bathe in it.
So throw away those weigh scales and stop perusing yourself in the mirror with judgment, or comparing yourself to some other "more beautiful and fit" person "out there" somewhere. I've found that when I got caught up in comparing myself to others I always found someone out there more attractive and more beautiful than myself.
Instead, I take the WEIGHT of PRESSURE off by actually hugging myself, while FEELING GRATITUDE for all that I've been and experienced, and for all that I am right now. I love my life. I love being here on earth. I love this sensual experience of a human just being...and discovering who I really am...
Related Posts:
With this Body...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)