IMI (In My Imagination)

IMI (In My Imagination)
Words and music by Penny Lewton Binek

Raised in a fairy tale of This is how life is:
Here is what you do, who you are, and how you be.
I followed its steps, its rules, the best that I knew how.
Safe, I thought I was, but I was bored beyond recall.
Parent-teacher-preacher tapes--they reel 'round in my mind.
Well-intentioned they may be, I just feel confined.
In desperation, I yank a single thread.
My world's unraveling, I'm falling from my bed!
I'm falling from my bed!

Chorus:
I'm divine
In my imagination
I breathe just fine
No more expectations
I'm alright
No needless condemnations
I-M-I
In my imagination
No more manipulation

A loopy hamster on its cagey wheel,
I race! I rage! I rant! All to no avail.
All my goals, my well-laid plans, they lead to Nowhere Street.
My mirrors, they say I'm wrong, they say I'm incomplete.
I color outside one line, turns out it was a wall.
My glass house--it shatters--and I began to fall.
Afraid of landing in a twisted, scrambled heap,
I beg some god out there, “Please! My soul to keep!”
"Please, my soul to keep!"

Chorus:
I am wise
In my imagination
I delight
In my soul's appreciation
For dark and light
In all its incarnations
I-M-I
In my imagination.
No need for reparation

Hypnotic slumber--a quake shakes me awake.
In this hopeless life of mine, I can't seem to catch a break.
Chasing a ticky-tock clock, a wonderland mad hatter,
My mind, in endless chatter, asks me, “Who am I, and do I matter?”
These clay feet—they crumble—so I stumble and I fall.
I tumble down and down through a dark and spinning maw.
"Trust yourself,” I cry! “Take a deep breath and let it slide.”
I close my eyes! I open wide!--Turns out that I can glide!
Turns out that I can fly hi-igh!

Chorus:
I can fly
In my imagination
I realize
This sensual fascination
So I dive inside
Exploring my creations
I-M-I
In my imagination
I feel no limitation

When I close my eyes
In my imagination
Deep inside
I feel this liberation
Far and wide
I have this revelation--
I am I--
In my imagination,
Through all my tribulation--
I'm alright!

Refrain:
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nan, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I-M-I
I'm alright!

Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
Na-na-nan, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I-M-I
I'm alright!

In my imagination
Through all my tribulation.
In my imagination
When I close my eyes
I'm al-right!

In my imagination
I have this revelation.
In my imagination
When I close my eyes
I'm al-right!

Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
In my imagination
Na-na-nah, Na-na-nah, Na-nah nah
I am I--
I'm al-right!

Trouble getting past the guilt and shame of being "wrong"?

There are certain kinds of Facebook posts that I scroll on by: self-righteous rants, and anyone using guilt and shame or pity to motivate their readers to act a certain way. Every one of your lives is a gift. My own life is a gift.

We imperfect humans carry too many rerun episodes of You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you unworthy you running on looping tracks in our heads. I don't need to add more to that baggage of guilt I carried around far too long.

Some of that shame and regret goes all the way back to when we were children. Regardless of our age, sometimes it stemmed from an unfortunate choice we made, and sometimes it came from a situation completely beyond our control. All of it, though, was just because we humans were never intended to be perfect and right all the time.

And since when does finger wagging condescension really truly ever work? It's just basically someone getting something off their chest that is probably best done alone with oneself--with one's own soul. Then one has more chance of addressing the core energy of the matter.

One of my favorite acts of Fonzi in "Happy Days" was his trouble with saying, "I was wr...wr-wr-ong." I appreciated it because it made me laugh at my own very human inner struggle with having been wrong in some way or another. According to the tapes playing over and over in my mind, I've probably been more wrong than right. Those cringing inner feelings of guilt and shame have kept me drawing all sorts of "wrong ways to be"--ways I don't want to be--to myself.

I got old-looking--saggy and wrinkled. I got chubby, and no amount of exercise or watching what I ate changed much. I had a scar emerge on my cheek that was a reminder of my ugliness, up front and center, every fricken time I looked in a mirror. My hair got blah. I felt an inner revulsion of myself when I studied all this wrongness about me in the mirror. Seeing myself in photos made me wish for a magic eraser to erase me out of the picture completely.

And then I'd look deep into the teary eyes of that human in that mirror--the one who tried so damn hard to be right and good and kind, and attractive--the whole package. The one who tried so hard to be a standard of the new consciousness free being.

Yes, I saw my very true and real beauty, too. The beauty that my soul sees. The courage that it takes to be the imperfect human. That deep unconditional love it takes to keep going everyday in a human body that emits icky smells and substances that we work so hard to deal with--that we feel so embarrassed about.

And then to top it off, someone that we love and admire so dearly, tells us that something we did was "just wrong." We were guilty of being wrong and that was selfish and no way to be. "Don't do that! Don't be that!" So inside, I'd just shrivel with shame.

I tried to mentally handle the guilt from that, too, by rationalizing that I was right and they were wrong--but that just kept me in an unresolved loop of internal argument, because, depending on the point of perspective, we were both right and wrong. And most importantly--I still felt guilty.

And from my soul's perspective--it was neither a right or a wrong and didn't matter, because this human experience was just a playground of contrasts for "Let's Pretend" acts of consciousness. This human experience allows my soul to experience itself and its creations. I know I am a gift to my soul, especially in all my messiness.

While mentally, I understood all of this, I was still managing to manifest a whole lot of feeling like I was wrong in some way. It's exhausting trying to juggle all that guilt and shame.

Then yesterday, while feeling into "I create without agenda, and I dive into my creation to feel and explore and experience it," my frustrated feelings surrounding an old repetitious story of being at odds with a group of people that I loved popped in. I rehashed the whole I'm right and they're wrong scenerio, and why I had them playing this betrayer-like part for me, when it finally struck me:

I was feeling SELF-DOUBT. I was FEELING guilt and shame at possibly having been wrong.

When I closed my eyes and felt into myself while regarding this story: 

I realized I was shrinking my energy field inward, closing myself off, instead of opening myself up. 

When I'm open, suggestions about what could be my truth don't stick to me and my reality. They flow on through and by.

I lay on the couch, closed my eyes, and practiced telling myself all the ways I was wrong, and with each one, I breathed and opened myself up to allowing myself to have been all those wrong ways of being. It was so easy to do. It's still so easy to do. I'm grinning with how easy it is to do. Suddenly, I was no longer feeling emotionally triggered at having been wrong--I was no longer reacting to feeling ashamed. It was nothing at all...There was no charge to spark a manifestation in my reality.

When I am judged (by myself or by an external other) as being WRONG, EVIL, DARK, SELFISH, UGLY--anything and everything I don't want to be--I close my eyes and open wide.

Deep inside I open myself wide instead of shrinking into a tight, protective, defensive, rationalizing self-righteous ball of GUILT and SHAME and DOUBT.

I close my eyes
I open and expand my field of energies--
And I just allow myself to BLOSSOM OPEN beginning from the inside out:
"I was wrong." (I breathe and feel myself OPEN). 
"I was dark." ( I breathe myself OPEN). 
"I was evil that time--no excuse for it."(I breathe myself OPEN). 
"I am chubby." (I breathe and feel myself OPEN).
"I am ugly." (I breathe myself OPEN).

The charge, the trigger of guilt and shame is gone.

I am whatever I choose to resonate with...I have done it all in order to gain compassionate wisdom for my passionate soul.

No more prisons of Guilt and Shame for having been a deep-asleep, terrified, stinky, conniving to survive, all-alone, unworthy-feeling little human.

Of course, I got it wrong...and INSIDE, I'm FINALLY feeling okay with that.

Should I stay or should I go?

"Should I stay or should I go?"

Go ahead, sing the above line along with The Clash. Feel into it...

Don't worry--this won't make you suicidal. If anything, it will calm away any suicidal thoughts.

Choosing to stay here embodied on Earth, or choosing to leave for the other side of the Veil of Forgetting (to die).

This one little choice made in full conscious awareness was a life-changer for me. It changed my perception of life and, therefore, it changed my reality.

And, while I chose to stay, I realize now that it didn't matter which choice I made. There is no right or wrong answer here. Because, either way, simply asking and honestly feeling into answering the question made me more present in my current reality. In that moment I was embodied. I was still going to live life more fully whether I embraced being here and enjoying my human life, or whether I was living each moment as though it were my last.

...and...you can always make a different choice. You're not locked in to one or the other. Some days I felt like leaving, but more and more I found myself choosing to stay because it felt like I was onto something magnificent and new, and I didn't want to miss out. It's more about realizing you have a choice.

Whenever, wherever consciousness is present, life blossoms into beingness.

Ascended Master Tobias, channelled by Geoffrey Hoppe of crimsoncircle.com noted in one of the shouds that many of us Shaumbra were in a state of being more out-of-body than here in it. We were finding life among other deep-asleep, programmed humans quite challenging. We'd been through personal traumatic experiences. I'd lost both my mom and my dad by this time. He invited us to answer this question in order to more fully anchor ourselves here--to stay embodied while we were alive on Earth in human form. We weren't doing ourselves, or anyone else much good by being wishy-washy about being here.

Recently I realized that many of our loved ones who suffer from what is called dementia and alzheimers are pretty much doing the same thing as I once was. Many of them have suffered traumatic losses in their human experiences--maybe having lived long enough to have lost all their peers and friends to the other side of the Veil. Maybe they've lost children or a spouse. Maybe there is a deeply wounded aspect that they strongly identified with and didn't know how to release from their life. Whatever the cause, the outcome has been the same: They aren't staying embodied.

And when we aren't consciously present in these physical bodies, that neglect opens the door to physical and emotional and mental decay and disease.

People suffering from dementia are often their happiest when out in the Near-Earth Realm visiting with their friends who have crossed over. Consciousness is eternal. It lives on whether it has a body or not. These people are actually having a REAL multi-dimensional experience. They've created it.

The only problem is that they don't know that they are the Creator and that they have A CHOICE in how they perceive their created experience. They don't know that they can be fully embodied humans here...and...explore all their many mansions of created realities at the same time. They can both whole-heartedly interact with friends and loved ones who have passed and with those who are still here. I do it all the time. We've been looking at all of this from a perspective of something is wrong. 

Our culture of medicine diagnoses them with these disease labels, and then we watch them slowly decay as their loved ones look on feeling helpless to connect with them. I watch their loved ones enjoyment of their own lives get hijacked by being centered around the perceived suffering of one.

Maybe, just maybe, all these people who have lived and died through these perceived illnesses have been helping us become aware of the more that we each are. What gift are they bearing me in being exactly as they are? I have chosen to let my old limiting identity go, too. Is there really any difference here?

One thing I do know, without a doubt anymore, I sit up each morning in bed and I say, "I am here!"

And most days, even if I feel a bit or a lot of pain, I'm still grinning with that choice to be!

This is my life, these are my creations, and I am diving into experiencing all that I create and all that I am!

When it comes to being loved, what am I radiating?

Words and an indifferent attitude can cut much deeper than any knife or physical weapon.

But because it's not a potential physical injury, I haven't been aware of putting up a protective shield around myself. And that protective barrier--that unconscious radiation from the creator of my own reality--has kept me stuck in attracting a love so distorted I can't even really call it love.

This has nothing to do with my mate or family or any other loved ones--not really. They are all just playing roles that I set up for them to play for me. They are my outer world energies in service to me by reflecting back to me what's going on within me, what I'm radiating out as my truth of the moment.

I am the sovereign creator of my own reality, and I am the only one who can truly change it--and thankfully so. Even though I released the karma on which our old relationships were based, it still runs the show until all of the old stories are distilled into wisdom and integrated into my soul. It takes time to become aware of your aspects, too numerous to even attempt to count.

All I ever wanted was to be loved just because I exist--to have someone really see and adore me as I see and love them--where they just can't help wanting to sweetly kiss me no matter where we are. Where they like to be with me because we love who and how we are when we're together.

I realize now that I've been attracting and standing in a pile of contrast when it came to love because the purchase order I've been radiating out to the energies that serve me has been "wanting" to be loved--and so that's what I've been getting. Wanting, wanting, wanting...and a whole lot of indifference and criticism.

And that judgment of failing at being the perfect human for someone else, their indifference, that feeling of being taken for granted has cut me to the core. It's been hell. It's been cruel. There is no safe feeling. I feel a deep sadness and my energies nose-dive and curl up into a ball.

I didn't want to have to tell the other person that this is what I want from them because it's icky to realize they are just "going through the motions" trying to appease me, the whiner. That conditional love is not what I desire. I choose to be loved unconditionally, spontaneously and whole-heartedly. The other is a just watered down human melodrama.

So, how do I change my experience, one that feels as though it's been going on for eons, not only for myself but for most of humanity?

I take a deep breath. I use my  secret "magic wand" gesture or say my secret magic word that I've come up with on my own, that I've practiced using over and over, that reminds me to open up my radiation and my field of energies. I drop my guard and protective barrier. I am the source and center, the creator of this, my reality--quit acting like I am a victim of my own creation!!! I open, open, open...

And I remember: I am okay. We are all okay. I AM loved! I always have been and always will be in all my ways-- first and foremost by Creator me!

Just stay relaxed and open...all is truly well in all of Creation.

Little One, Come Out! Be Free!

Little One
Words and music by Penny Lewton Binek


Little One--come out, be free!
Little One--come and play with me!
It's all right--let your secrets unfold,
Cry the tears of pain you've tried to hold.
Come to Me, I'll hold you tight,
And the darkness I'll not let bite.
Shout your anger! Vent your fears--
FEEL your sadness and your sorrows,
Then watch them disappear...

Little One, come fly with me!
I've loosed your shackles--guilt, shame and misery.
Little One, come let your spirit soar
Through wondrous places you've never dreamed before...
(Instrumental)

Little One, come sing with me--
We have a song, a glorious melody.
Little One, come lift your heart in song
Giving thanks for all parts played,
Whether right or seeming wrong.
Hear the thunder, hear the ROAR--
A celebration like we've never felt before!!

Little One, at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me.
It's all right--you've let your story be told.
And in the Light of Day, behold!
You're a wonder!
Life's a gift!--
A celebration of ALL THAT IS.
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--
IS LOVE!

All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is Is Love, Little One--
How you've grown into my sun/son!

A Breath of Fresh Realization

I am writing this to help myself anchor this realization. It makes me smile and not take myself so seriously. I love when I loosen up--the best things seem to happen then, and they have been ever since this understanding blossomed.

Our eyes are the greatest deceivers.

Close your eyes and take a good deep, down-into-your-lower-ribcage breath.

Open your eyes and now look all around you--including your body.

All of your reality, everything, is merely a SUGGESTION of what can be. It does not have to be WHAT IS.

We were living--acting out--a hypnotic suggestion...that's all. Pretty much the same as a hypnotist telling a volunteer that he is a chicken--and he accepts that suggestion as his truth, and he flaps, struts and clucks about like a chicken.

Stop Fighting with Cancer--Use It as a Tool for Greater Self-Awareness

Stop fighting cancer!

I cannot say this loudly enough. I know you feel like you're supporting yourself or loved ones when you jump onto the "Fight this Disease" bandwagon, but you aren't aware that you're actually supporting it staying manifested in reality by struggling and fighting with it.

Fighting cancer is like a fly getting caught in a spider's web. The more it struggles, the more the web attaches its sticky self to the fly, the more trapped the fly becomes, until it's nothing but an empty carcass from which the spider has drained the life.


Shift your point of perspective.

View the cancer as a gift--a TOOL you gave yourself in order to open up your understanding of who you really are--to wake yourself up--and to gain wisdom for your soul.

Lie down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, take some good deep-into-your-diaphragm breaths (beneath your lower ribcage):
Inhale through your nose: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Hold that breath: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Exhale through your mouth: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
And FEEL into your body. Feel the beating of your heart.

Do a body scan:

Am I feeling tightness in my shoulders, jaws, limbs, back? Take a breath to release it and let the tightness melt away.

Am I feeling pain anywhere? Take another breath and explore and FEEL into the pain, allowing it to guide you to its source and center.

Let the pain tell you its story. Don't judge your feelings and thoughts--let it all out! Icky painful, fearful, angry, sad, regretful feelings and thoughts allowed in your own safe and sacred space won't harm anyone. Let yourself cry, scream, hold yourself. There is no such thing as the right or wrong way to be and feel here:
I am listening...
I am FEELING it all through...
I am allowing myself to just be however...
No more monitoring, no more trying to control or force things...

You actually have never done anything wrong.

No one, no other god out there is punishing you. You just got momentarily lost in a story--an act of consciousness. You haven't done anything wrong in bringing cancer into your life--you just FEEL as though you have.

This disease is in your life as part of getting yourself to ALLOW unrelenting self-forgiveness. It's helping you REALIZE the importance of self compassion--of being kind to oneself for simply being an imperfect human. All of us humans have done dark things because of having such a limited consciousness--we were all just trying to survive in a world where we believed we had to fight and struggle in order to live and be abundant. No more pointing fingers of blame and judgment. We all were just doing the best we knew how to at the time, trying to find our way while feeling so lost, so scared, so alone.

This shift in perspective will help you make decisions on the treatments you choose to use to address the physical symptoms--and you can't make a wrong choice from this place of expanded self-awareness. Whatever you choose is appropriate because you're now ALLOWING your energies to serve you in grace. Instead of radiating out armor and shields and weapons which attract something for you to then fight, your consciousness is open and allowing, and these aggressive energies just flow on by now without attaching themselves to you.

You exist--eternally! You are conscious awareness. You are light. You are here out of love.

We are ALL here out of love, and it's unto love we all return.

Please stop fighting--wars don't work anymore. Have you noticed?

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