Wake Up, Villain! Part 3: Let's Build Bridges!

Two years ago, I posted what I thought was the final post of this blog. I was going to allow myself a new direction. Then I found myself adding just one more post, and then another and another.... Writing it all out has been my way of anchoring these awarenesses and thoughts and feelings in my reality. It's helped me to apply the ones I resonate with in a practical manner in my daily life, breath by breath, moment by moment, situation by situation. I always have been writing this blog for myself. It just helps to write it as if I'm in conversation with someone else, talking things out. For those of you who have listened to what I have to share--thank you!

This series of posts on the villain has been quite a journey for me. When I first started writing it, I thought it was going to be short and sweet. I like keeping things simple. 

But then thoughts and insights were coming so fast and prevalent that before I even finished the first post, I had a slew of Post-It notes and other slips of available-at-the moment papers covered in ink. And it wasn't in neat, even lines. My jottings were full of circled ideas, arrows, sentences up the sides of margins. I finally brought the blasted mess down here to the computer and started getting them down here, where it was easier to list them and move them around into some semblance of order. 

I admit, that erratic pile of ideas felt overwhelming at first. But that's the way life is at times, especially now--chaotic! With things happening on so many levels within, as well as outside of us. None of it is neat and linear like I've been used to--it's coming and going quantumly.... which is what I asked for....

My Unmasked Villains aren't so scary anymore.

As it turns out, I've realized my greatest and worst villain of all has been Me!  And once I've opened up and delved deeper, I've come to see that she's been a whole lot more dramatic barking than actual bite. She was a big monstrous illusion of power, with her arms all up-raised like a body-grabbing, brain-eating zombie who roared and growled and made me tremble and cower in fear. (Kind of like I do when playing with my cats while chasing them around). This also brings to mind that time my older sister jumped out from behind the caragana bushes one dark night and scared the crap out of me as I was racing back home from the chicken coop, already terrified of That Which Couldn't Be Seen.

Perhaps, my best image of my association with the Villain energies, comes from my late, and dearly loved brother, Steve. From childhood on, he'd had a recurring nightmare where, one-by-one, each of his beloved family members was grabbed and pulled under the waters by a huge hand coming out of the creek that ran below the hill of our homestead. Finally, he was the last one grabbed. But instead of the hell-type scenario he'd envisioned, (he grins wide and chuckles as he tells me this), he found himself in the midst of a party. Everyone was celebrating and have a grand old time....

I could be wrong, but I don't care.

I am aware I may have all of this completely wrong, but that doesn't matter to me, because I know that I present the best version of myself when I'm no longer afraid and struggling and fighting--which I finally realized was basically with myself all along. It was me struggling with SUGGESTIONS about the way life is that I had made my own truths. I accepted each one as a truth, yet they didn't really resonate with me or seem to stand the tests of my own life. 

I do know I'm more pleasant to be around, a whole lot more easy-going. I can totally live with having gotten the wrong end of the stick, because at least I know I've given life my best shot. I'm much more present in my own life. And I'm a lot more grateful for, and unconditionally accepting of, all that has been and is. And I find myself much more open and excited about what can be....

A year and a half ago, I received a graduation announcement from my great nephew. He was graduating from high school early in January, and had signed up for the Army National Guard. My heart dropped. I didn't want to see anyone participate in fighting any more barbaric wars. I'm just done with all that. And frankly, he didn't seem to be the warrior type.

But then, knowing a little something of the character of my nephew, I took a breath, opened up beyond my old war story ideas, and realized that if he chose that then I trusted he had a good reason, and that there was an important purpose in his doing it.

A few months later, I was talking with his dad about it. He said they--his family--were surprised, too, at this young man's announcement. But then he stated his reason for joining was he wanted to build bridges....

God, I'm so proud of him!

In loving memory, honor and gratitude--Let's Build Bridges!

And thank you for all parts played through the ages--just for me!

Related Posts:

Wake Up, Villain! I KNOW That's NOT the REAL You.... Part 1

Wake Up, Villain! Part 2: The Many Faces of the Villain