Trouble getting past the guilt and shame of being "wrong"?

There are certain kinds of Facebook posts that I scroll on by: self-righteous rants, and anyone using guilt and shame or pity to motivate their readers to act a certain way. Every one of your lives is a gift. My own life is a gift.

We imperfect humans carry too many rerun episodes of You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you unworthy you running on looping tracks in our heads. I don't need to add more to that baggage of guilt I carried around far too long.

Some of that shame and regret goes all the way back to when we were children. Regardless of our age, sometimes it stemmed from an unfortunate choice we made, and sometimes it came from a situation completely beyond our control. All of it, though, was just because we humans were never intended to be perfect and right all the time.

And since when does finger wagging condescension really truly ever work? It's just basically someone getting something off their chest that is probably best done alone with oneself--with one's own soul. Then one has more chance of addressing the core energy of the matter.

One of my favorite acts of Fonzi in "Happy Days" was his trouble with saying, "I was wr...wr-wr-ong." I appreciated it because it made me laugh at my own very human inner struggle with having been wrong in some way or another. According to the tapes playing over and over in my mind, I've probably been more wrong than right. Those cringing inner feelings of guilt and shame have kept me drawing all sorts of "wrong ways to be"--ways I don't want to be--to myself.

I got old-looking--saggy and wrinkled. I got chubby, and no amount of exercise or watching what I ate changed much. I had a scar emerge on my cheek that was a reminder of my ugliness, up front and center, every fricken time I looked in a mirror. My hair got blah. I felt an inner revulsion of myself when I studied all this wrongness about me in the mirror. Seeing myself in photos made me wish for a magic eraser to erase me out of the picture completely.

And then I'd look deep into the teary eyes of that human in that mirror--the one who tried so damn hard to be right and good and kind, and attractive--the whole package. The one who tried so hard to be a standard of the new consciousness free being.

Yes, I saw my very true and real beauty, too. The beauty that my soul sees. The courage that it takes to be the imperfect human. That deep unconditional love it takes to keep going everyday in a human body that emits icky smells and substances that we work so hard to deal with--that we feel so embarrassed about.

And then to top it off, someone that we love and admire so dearly, tells us that something we did was "just wrong." We were guilty of being wrong and that was selfish and no way to be. "Don't do that! Don't be that!" So inside, I'd just shrivel with shame.

I tried to mentally handle the guilt from that, too, by rationalizing that I was right and they were wrong--but that just kept me in an unresolved loop of internal argument, because, depending on the point of perspective, we were both right and wrong. And most importantly--I still felt guilty.

And from my soul's perspective--it was neither a right or a wrong and didn't matter, because this human experience was just a playground of contrasts for "Let's Pretend" acts of consciousness. This human experience allows my soul to experience itself and its creations. I know I am a gift to my soul, especially in all my messiness.

While mentally, I understood all of this, I was still managing to manifest a whole lot of feeling like I was wrong in some way. It's exhausting trying to juggle all that guilt and shame.

Then yesterday, while feeling into "I create without agenda, and I dive into my creation to feel and explore and experience it," my frustrated feelings surrounding an old repetitious story of being at odds with a group of people that I loved popped in. I rehashed the whole I'm right and they're wrong scenerio, and why I had them playing this betrayer-like part for me, when it finally struck me:

I was feeling SELF-DOUBT. I was FEELING guilt and shame at possibly having been wrong.

When I closed my eyes and felt into myself while regarding this story: 

I realized I was shrinking my energy field inward, closing myself off, instead of opening myself up. 

When I'm open, suggestions about what could be my truth don't stick to me and my reality. They flow on through and by.

I lay on the couch, closed my eyes, and practiced telling myself all the ways I was wrong, and with each one, I breathed and opened myself up to allowing myself to have been all those wrong ways of being. It was so easy to do. It's still so easy to do. I'm grinning with how easy it is to do. Suddenly, I was no longer feeling emotionally triggered at having been wrong--I was no longer reacting to feeling ashamed. It was nothing at all...There was no charge to spark a manifestation in my reality.

When I am judged (by myself or by an external other) as being WRONG, EVIL, DARK, SELFISH, UGLY--anything and everything I don't want to be--I close my eyes and open wide.

Deep inside I open myself wide instead of shrinking into a tight, protective, defensive, rationalizing self-righteous ball of GUILT and SHAME and DOUBT.

I close my eyes
I open and expand my field of energies--
And I just allow myself to BLOSSOM OPEN beginning from the inside out:
"I was wrong." (I breathe and feel myself OPEN). 
"I was dark." ( I breathe myself OPEN). 
"I was evil that time--no excuse for it."(I breathe myself OPEN). 
"I am chubby." (I breathe and feel myself OPEN).
"I am ugly." (I breathe myself OPEN).

The charge, the trigger of guilt and shame is gone.

I am whatever I choose to resonate with...I have done it all in order to gain compassionate wisdom for my passionate soul.

No more prisons of Guilt and Shame for having been a deep-asleep, terrified, stinky, conniving to survive, all-alone, unworthy-feeling little human.

Of course, I got it wrong...and INSIDE, I'm FINALLY feeling okay with that.