4 Questions to Help You FEEL Through and Release Painful Old Stories

Our body cells are libraries of lifetime after lifetime of our souls expressions. Many of those lifetimes end in trauma and tragedy, and those scarred and wounded aspects find their way into our present lifetime and often influence what our consciousness radiates in our current life. We often have protective emotional guards up that we're unaware of even having in place--and those guards tell the friendly energies in service to us that, "Hey--I'm defending and protecting myself!" And wha-la!--those energies read those signals as you desiring that kind of experience, and so manifest as something in your life that you need to fight and defend yourself against.

If you are experiencing some type of dis-ease, or mental or emotional imbalance, it's possible you are experiencing one of these wounded aspects crying for your attention. They will keep attracting crap experiences to you until you give them your attention and your clear self-mastery presence. By allowing yourself to observe and feel them through, see the wisdom and the compassion that their traumatic experience gifted your soul, you set them free, and they can then integrate into your body of consciousness and no longer haunt you.

The most graceful way I found to do that was to first decide that I was going to allow myself to be an imperfect human and feel it all through with complete honesty.

"No matter what, I am okay."

I give myself a safe and sacred space where I can bawl and scream and hug and hold myself with total unconditional acceptance. As long as I set the intention to do no harm, there is no right or wrong way to do this, and I ALLOW myself to be human. I allow myself to feel anger, sadness, sorrow, fear--all those icky feelings I'd just rather avoid. I allow myself to feel like a victim, even blame others (though I actually know I wanted a betrayer role played out for me, and some loving being did that just for me on this earthly playground).

The whole idea is to feel my way honestly through my Dark Night of the Soul tunnel. And I do it KNOWING this is temporary--that I will survive it--and there is Light, Wisdom and FREEDOM waiting for me at the end.

4 Questions to help you feel your way to freedom:

1. What happened? (Allow yourself to feel angry)
2. What didn't happen? (Allow yourself to feel sad, to grieve)
3. What could happen? (Allow yourself to feel fear)
4. What can't happen? (Allow yourself to feel sorrow, to feel sorry)

Our human facet in all its perfect imperfection is the grandest of gifts to our soul. You are magnificent!

You. Are. A. Gift!

Little One--come out, be free!
Little One--come and play with me!
It's all right--let your secrets unfold,
Cry the tears of pain you've tried to hold.
Come to Me, I'll hold you tight,
And the darkness I'll not let bite.
Shout your anger! Vent your fears--
FEEL your sadness and your sorrows,
Then watch them disappear...

Little One, come fly with me!
I've loosed your shackles--guilt, shame and misery.
Little One, come let your spirit soar
Through wondrous places you've never dreamed before...
(Instrumental)

Little One, come sing with me--
We have a song, a glorious melody.
Little One, come lift your heart in song
Giving thanks for all parts played,
Whether right or seeming wrong.
Hear the thunder, hear the ROAR--
A celebration like we've never felt before!!

Little One, at last you're free!
Little One, come and dance with me.
It's all right--you've let your story be told.
And in the Light of Day, behold!
You're a wonder!
Life's a gift!--
A celebration of ALL THAT IS.
Though you stumble, though you fall--
When it all is said and done,
All there is--
IS LOVE!

All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is IS LOVE, Little One.
All there is Is Love, Little One--
How you've grown into my sun/son!

Are You Short, To the Point--Or Long-winded and All Over the Map?

I SO appreciate those people who can tell a good story or joke. I have family members who are amazing and funny storytellers, but I didn't inherit that particular gift. There is a reason I write my stories down. I can edit and shorten and clarify my points--cut out the excess that otherwise seems to haunt and lengthen my tales.

There's a joke about men using few words to get their points across, and women being flaky, long-winded and off on many varied tangents before arriving at a conclusion--and then apologizing for taking so long. Let's face it--that profile fits me to a T, and the previous sentence reinforces that sentiment.

I've always felt a bit embarrassed and sensitive about this aspect of myself. For years, I struggled with leaving my sentences and thoughts incomplete, dangling out in dead air while I searched for that suddenly elusive word that was JUST THERE, only to give up and mumble to an unimpressive conclusion. Yesterday, as I was sitting in the bathtub (and, yes, this is an important part because some of my best ah-ha!s happen in the bathroom and I thought you should know that), it occurred to me what's actually going on. It's to do with which side of the brain we're predominantly using.

The masculine side of the brain is the LEFT hemisphere. It helps us perceive ourselves as a sovereign, separate entity from the rest of our creation. It's logical, handy with words and language and reasoning. Its awareness is very linear and time/space-oriented. It's a beautiful and important part of us. Its perception of oneself as being a unique individual allows our soul to have all these human experiences which is distilled into compassionate and joyful wisdom.

The feminine side of the brain is the RIGHT hemisphere, and it links us to our spirtual or divine facet--our soul. We intuitively feel and see our connection to everything that is, and divinity doesn't give a crap about time or space.

"My Stroke of Insight" author and brain research scientist, Jill Bolte Taylor, shared her story of having a stroke, a blood clot in the left hemisphere of her brain. Because of only being able to access her expansive, beyond time and space, right-brain hemisphere, she said she couldn't discern her arm or hand from the wall. It all blended together--she was EVERYTHING. (Google Jill Bolte Taylor, TED Talk, "My Stroke of Insight").

So here is why the stories I try to share out loud can get so convoluted and long: 

I am using the creative RIGHT BRAIN hemisphere, so I feel and see the connectedness of every aspect of a story. And I often only become aware of the importance of an aspect as I am telling my story. Even the simplest, often overlooked little tidbit suddenly becomes important because like a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, every piece helps to create a whole-FEELING picture. Only, the pieces come together from different places in time and space--from the past, now, out of left field, within, without. Basically, I am channelling my soul--that pinpoint of awareness that "I exist!"--where time and space don't exist, where limited linearity is replaced by expansiveness. Getting to the point doesn't matter because I AM THE POINT.

Obviously, both genders have access to both brain hemispheres, but due to old customs and cultures, we often accept as our truth the suggestion that women are more right-brained intuitive, while men are more left-brained logical. We've practiced that suggestion for so many eons it's become one of those "this is just the way men are, and this is the way women are" beliefs. It's time to quit separating them, and recognize that we all NEED, and can access and utilize, both qualities--masculine and feminine/logical and intuitive. Practice being both to get the best of who you are.

Some people can talk circles around me, and, with just a few words, make even the most convoluted, twisted idea seem to make reasonable sense.When this happens, I walk away feeling like I'm not even going to try to share my ideas on the subject because I can feel they are certain their perspective is the only right one. I can feel the wall between us. They aren't seeking to connect--they are seeking to be right, no matter what the cost.

Writing words is a left-brained exercise which, in conjunction with my right-brain-inspired stories allows me to both more clearly and empathetically relate to all of you through story-telling. I'm done apologizing for my lack of speaking prowess. I'm so appreciative and honored by all who so compassionately allow me to express myself safely when I do speak. You are such a gift to me! I don't seek to drain your time or energy. I am simply reaching out to make a connection with each of you--parts of my world and creation that I find fascinating and wonderful. And with practice and a growing self-trust, I get better at being more succinct.

Quit Using the Words "Try" and "But": You're More Than That

One of the most helpful reminders in this walk of awakening into the realization of who and what I really am was this little practice of eliminating and replacing two simple words from my vocabulary: TRY and BUT.

I realized that when I opted to use the word try, it gave me an out. And I liked having an out when I went into an experience believing I was going to fail. Or maybe I liked the story I had going too much and I wasn't done playing in it. By using the word try, I didn't have to commit fully to the choice. I didn't have to accept full responsibility for my perception of the experience. I tried, but, you see, it was out of my hands.

Well, when you just KNOW (as I did) that you've been creating your own reality all along, albeit unaware of doing it for eons, you can no longer place responsibility for you on anyone or anything other than yourself. I am the Creator of my own realities.

Close your eyes and feel into the word "try." It feels wishy-washy and noncommittal to me. Okay, I'll say it: "try" feels and sounds half-assed and whiny.

For example, if I believe some god other than me is capable of forgiving and forgetting a transgression, I can say things like, "I tried to forgive, but I can't forget." Which is pretty much the same thing as saying, "I am incapable of forgiveness. Alas, I tried, but failed. I am just not as good at this as someone else."

That is your I Am a Pitiful All-Alone Little Human aspect talking, and it's running your reality show. Frankly, you're not giving yourself enough credit. You are, we each and all are more than little humans--we are souls getting to know and experience all that we are via this magnificent entity we call a human being.

As such, on the soul level, we realize there is nothing to forgive, and everything to have gratitude for from the compassionate wisdom gained through all our experiences. You've been forgiving and forgetting all along--you just weren't aware of it at this little human level.

"Try" and "But" are just self-limiting, cop-out excuses. I don't buy them with myself, and I don't buy them with others.

Rationalizing and excuses are just me getting in my own way of creating the things I really desire--me wasting my time. 

Use the word "choose" in place of "try"...and then just live that choice out from that moment, forward and backward...no trying about it. 

Creator--You are simply having an experience...period.

As the sovereign source and center of your domain, your own realities, you can do that. You, and you alone, can give yourself the freedom to practice being your own master and letting go of things that no longer serve you. Unless it serves you to suffer being an unforgiving person? Again, that's YOUR CHOICE.

If a choice brings you something you don't enjoy, choose something else. A negative experience doesn't mean you did anything wrong--allow yourself to be compassionate with yourself.

Replace the word "but" with "and"...and...it allows you multiple experiences and realities and perceptions instead of limiting you to a very narrow sliver of the experience pie.

Using the word "and" allowed me to release the monitoring and tight control I had over myself. I set myself free of being stuck in the same old, same old story prison simply by utilizing the word "and." It's a great be-attitude: "I am that I am...and...I am this...and...I am that also."

This trade in words is especially helpful when looking in the mirror and feeling a bit judgmental, because I can maybe see myself as ugly...and... know that I am also beautiful. For without the contrast of experiencing the gift of ugliness, how would I discern and appreciate the gift of beauty?

"And" allows me to open myself to perceiving that I have many mansions or realities. The purpose of this human life is to just have experience after experience after experience--a gift from which wisdom is distilled for my unconditionally-accepting, grateful soul, this pinpoint of awareness that I exist.

Replace "try" with "choose,"--
Replace "but" with "and"--

...and...see what a creative difference those little shifts in perspective make in your own life.

Enlightenment is Allowing Your Point of Perspective to Shift

Ascension, enlightenment, whatever lofty words you choose to use--all it means is that you are allowing yourself to view an experience--a story--from many different perspectives.

Your awareness is opening up out of the focus and limitations of mass consciousness. You find yourself no longer viewing things from a singular point of view. You're no longer observing life through one stagnant, narrow window. You look through many different windows located in many different locations throughout your mansion, and their size may range from a pinpoint of light to entire rooms of glass, and beyond.

You are still on the stage being an actor immersed in your own little scenes and script, but now you are simultaneously sitting in the audience, shifting that point of perspective around, enjoying all the roles being played, the story, the motivations, the scenery, etc.

You are no longer focused on the one viewpoint--you are opened up to seeing multiple viewpoints. You feel into the other actors and the experiences that led to their unique perceptions of life and events. You see it from the broader viewpoints of the author and director and the audience--as the beauty of a whole story, not just your one slice of a negative or positive moment and interaction.

Compassion starts replacing judgment. You imagine what it must be like to walk in another person's shoes. You are awakening. Your consciousness is expanding beyond the old Little Human limits. You are going beyond the old script you once thought was the sum total of you.

Little by little I noticed I was letting go of accepted truths held by me for much of my life that no longer fit or resonated with me.

My perspective on my own health and well-being changed to one of self-responsibility rather than depending on outside diagnoses and care-giving. I changed to practicing kindness and unconditional acceptance of myself rather than self-condemnation and judgment. I chose to practice self-worthiness instead of looking for someone outside of me to deem me worthy of existing.

I finally realized that formal education wasn't for me, though I tried several times to go back to school, because instead of expressing myself freely I was stepping aside and allowing some instructor to have his say, telling me what to believe. Most of that was out of politeness. I learned to be a considerate listener; but being open to listen to another's truth, and regurgitating the answers someone else believes is right, doesn't mean I agree. School consciousness was just too limiting for me, and it made no room for the awakening that was happening within me. I got physically sick and emotionally tripped up every time I tried to get myself trained for a career.

The same thing happened when trying to just settle into a job that held no interest for me except that I got a bit of money. Either I got sick or the job left the country.

I tried devoting myself to causes only to discover that I lost my own sovereign voice when in a group of people. Most causes, I have noticed, are based in emotional reaction, and humans are trying to get control of their creations, not realizing they are the actual creator of everything in his or her life. Large numbers of people devoted to a single cause generally doesn't lend itself to free-thinking and self-awareness. This blog is my gift of allowing myself to express my higher and clearer knowingnesses out loud.

I tried religion, read the Bible, and it worked as a stepping stone. I have always had a deep love for Jesus/Yeshua, but the Bible never told me enough about the man. And having him splayed up, nailed on a cross, bloodied--it was not an image that resonated with me--it hurt. The idea of a Little Human-like judgmental god sacrificing a son in order to save unworthy sinners who believed that doctrine didn't fit with my perception of an all-loving eternal source. It seemed to contradict the teachings and parables of Jesus. I could easily feel Jesus as my brother, but I stumbled when it came to calling him my savior. I have many friends and loved ones who believe this, but it just didn't personally make sense for me, and that was ultimately what mattered for me. At the same time, I can easily allow others their own point of view and paths--every path is a path to the realization of oneself.

I see all of us as the children of the Eternal One, and with that, all of its accessible qualities live inherently within each and every one of us. As such, I chose to see the god in myself and within everyone and everything around me. I am, and you are, god also. This shift in perspective suits me better. I find myself more unconditionally accepting and less and less judgmental. I don't need your agreement with me in order to accept and love you as you are.

It all culminated for me when I returned home to help care for my dad in his final weeks on this Earth. I realized none of what I had once focused on as being important actually mattered to me. None of what I was taught as being the status quo of life, the predominantly accepted ideas of how to live your life--education, career, family, relationships, the news, politics, religion, health--none of it really mattered when all was said and done. I simply loved and appreciated that he and I had shared life experiences together.

I knew that whatever fights people were fighting, ultimately hidden underneath it all (at our souls level) was love and gratitude for all the parts played--by all of us, even though the human, himself, currently playing the part probably wasn't aware of it. And that is what I realized as I blessed all aspects of my dad and myself--light and dark--while using reflexology on my dad's feet the last hours I had with him. I felt a love and a gratitude for both of us that went beyond any of the other stuff, even the mental chatter inside my head that accused me of being a crazed crackpot.

So, if you suddenly feel old  beliefs, fights, and causes falling away because your perspective has changed and it all no longer seems to resonate--frankly, it just doesn't matter to you anymore--you are waking up.

You are simply waking up and realizing who you really are--the Creator of your own life and stories.

Taking the Sting out of Being Judgmental

You can quit kicking yourself for being a judgmental Judgy Judgerson. I did that for most of my life and it got me absolutely nowhere but more frustrated.

What most humans aren't aware of is that when we judge anyone or anything, we are actually trying to monitor and control oneself. 

Don't just take my word for it, feel into it for yourself. I've found it helps to close my eyes in order to be more aware of what's going on inside of me.

We're trying to perfect ourselves by studying and measuring oneself against those outside of us.

So, is that really such a terrible thing? Especially when our conscious awareness of ourselves was so limited at the time? We're just doing the best we know how in the awareness we have in the moment. We're "trying" to be a good human being.

Humans aren't meant to be perfect. It's our imperfect human contrast which allows our perfect souls this Earth realm experience.

Before a negative judgment ever leaves my lips or settles in my thoughts, it runs through me first, mentally and emotionally. I tell myself first, "That's no way to be."

When I feel into that judgment as I am making it, I feel myself pull inward, closing myself down, limiting myself for fear of being a way that I don't like. I am self-monitoring.

Or...maybe it's a way of being that I like. I judge it as being good. I may look at something and call it right and good, and "try" to attain it, perhaps because I don't recognize it's already within myself. I can still feel myself emotionally reacting to that judgment, and I feel its shackles of expectation. It's controlling, too.

Judgment is judgment, whether it's good or bad, right or wrong. It's always a limiting perspective that limits our personal creations.

Jesus understood judgment. He understood that comparison between two unique individuals just doesn't really work.  His admonition to "Judge not, lest you be judged the same," was not a finger-pointing, That's No Way to Be condemnation. He was reminding us that our judgments--our reactions to circumstances in our realities--were manifesting things in our experiences that we maybe didn't want. And the way to go beyond that was to realize how we were creating such things in a black and white world of duality ( polar opposites) where the practice of judgment reigns.

Basically, we are limited--self-imprisoned--by what we judge.

Being judgmental is simply a suggested way of being, and it creates a certain type of experience then. A limited one. Humans are used to being that way. It's accepted by mass consciousness that that's just the way we are.

You really aren't as bad as you've judged yourself to be, dear human. Set yourself free, let yourself off the hook with:

"That's a way to be." It's a tool I use to create consciously with then, instead of out of a personal emotional reaction. It helps me allow myself to just be--I am okay with being human, in all my glorious imperfection.

After all, being judgmental is a way to be, too. It's your choice. It's your experience.


Related Posts:
"That IS a Way to Be": Letting Go of Judgment

"That IS a Way to Be": Letting Go Of Judgment

"That is a way to be."

That's all there is to it, folks. Six simple words that set me free.

I searched long and hard to find a way to quit that old human judging habit that I had going--especially when I observed people being ways, and doing and saying things that just did not resonate with me. Over and over, I'd hear my dad's voice repeating in my head, "Pen, that's no way to be." That added onto Jesus' (Yeshua's) statement, "Judge not, or you'll be judged the same" had Little Human me in conflicted turmoil for a good portion of my trying to be a good person life. When I'd close my eyes and feel into myself with those thoughts rotating around in my head, I was definitely not open, allowing, or at ease. I was tightened up, pulled in, armed and grimacing.

With that limited flavor of That's No Way To Be consciousness I radiated out into my world, the energies in service to me just gifted me with more stuff I really didn't enjoy experiencing. I just kept getting emotionally triggered into a reaction of irritation and annoyance...anger...victimhood.

Several years back, Christmas Eve of 2001, just two months after my mom crossed over the Veil, I'd returned home to spend Christmas with my dad and family, only to find him playing the role of rescuer to someone who lived in the same town. I had no problem with that, but I had traveled a long distance to spend the time with him, and this person had him on the phone and running around at the expense of me getting to spend time with him alone. Dad had just lost his partner of 51 years and I was missing my mom and best friend--and frankly, it was just a tough feeling first Christmas without her.

I adored my dad--I always have and still do, and I was proud of his compassionate nature. But this time I got exasperated enough to speak up and let him know that I didn't like what was going on. I told him I'd come home specifically to be with him only to discover that this other person always seemed to have some problem that trumped me. Dad's response to my honesty was, "Pen, that's selfish. That's no way to be."

Little did I know, that in that moment he gifted me with a simple phrase that I'd change to a more positive statement, and use it to free my self from Miss Judgy-Judgerson Prison.

When I observe someone saying or doing something that I disagree with or that rubs me the wrong way, I take a deep breath, and say to myself, "Hmm. That's a way to be." And when I do so, I feel myself open up and my armor drops away. My judgment drops away...and my consciousness radiation opens and brightens.

Suddenly, it doesn't matter how they are, and I am no longer afraid of being just like them. I TRUST myself. I KNOW myself.

You see, whoever is in my reality triggering me into a reaction--I PUT THEM THERE! They are serving me, and I am benefiting in some way from them being exactly as they are. They are ENERGIES in service to me, and I can either stay closed in in self-protected limited mode, worried, or I can open up myself and just allow whatever suggestion of a way to be they bring to me to simply pass through without sticking to me and my reality.

"I am that I am! 
I am ALL that is. 
I am everything."

...and...

"That IS a way to be!"

Related Posts:
Taking the Sting Out of Being Judgmental

The Paradox of the Peacock

The Paradox of the Peacock: He struts around with great fanfare in his jewel-feathered finery--his plumes topped with numerous mesmerizing kohl-lined eyes--all while channeling his inner drama queen yelling, "Help! Helllllllp!"

My great uncle had peacocks on his farm, and I found them intriguing. There's an analogy cooking in that bird: He's symbolic of the unawakened human condition.

Here we are, each an actor with his/her own source of unlimited energy to serve him, and we walk around in costumes ranging from tatters to exquisitely tailored clothing, trying to be purposeful, trying to matter, at least to ourselves, if no one else.

The deep-asleep human actor seeks abundance in love, wealth, and health, not realizing that they are creating an abundance of lack of those very things by their very seeking.

Many are spending their entire lifetime re-enacting their parents' story. They play it safe, they go to school, going deeply into debt getting a college degree that few actually use. They work at earning a living at a respectable, but usually boring, job.

They look for that elusive soulmate to have children with--children who will often be programmed to follow in footsteps similar to their parents.

If we pretend we have wealth, we try to find other suitable pursuits and causes, or we try to stay enthused partying and playing.

We don't need outside energy sources such as fossil fuels or wind or solar. It all--everything--comes to us. It always has. We just believe we move through time and space instead of it moving to and through us in patterns of manifestation.

We each already have our own pool of energy serving us specifically, inherent in each of us. But like the peacock, even though we have everything we've ever needed or wanted right here in the moment, we keep looking and calling for help from something or someone outside of us. And so that becomes our experience.

We don't need help. We don't need saving. We just need to wake up and remember who we really are.