Steve's Legacy of Songs: Finding Your Own Words

When I was standing on the hilltop this past June, as we buried my brother Steve's ashes, this song of his, "Blow, Oh Wind" kept flowing through my mind and heart. I don't have a recording of it, but I remember it because he always invited me to sing it along with him, even though I hadn't found my singing voice yet. Someday we'll sing it. I just can't do it yet--but I wanted to share the simple and beautiful lyrics. This is music that came to him in the 1980s, which shows how far ahead of his time he was. He often admitted that the lyrics became more profound for him as the years passed. More and more gems of wisdom revealed themselves as our experiences grew. You really don't know life until you live it out for yourself, do you?

I guess, Steve and I would both agree, that one of the most precious gifts we were given in our journeys was when others helped us find our own words, to find that unique way that we could express what we each really felt and knew deep within. It's not nearly as fun memorizing and quoting other people's profound thoughts because that's not your personal expression. I generally don't recall quotes by other people even when they do resonate, but I do remember my own and I apply them all the time.

So, if there is anything that I could give you, it would be to help you to find your own means of self expression, to find your own words...


Blow, Oh Wind!
Song and Lyrics by Steven Richard Lewton


Blow, oh-oh, oh-oh wind--
Blow these broken hearts away, away...
Blow, oh-oh, oh-oh wind--
Blow these broken dreams, I pray.


Whatever happened to the love that we once shared?
Like two links in a chain, no weakness there?
Little by little, the tide breaks away the shore,
And the sands of time become an ocean floor.


Blow, oh-oh, oh-oh wind--
Blow these broken hearts away, away...
Blow, oh-oh, oh-oh wind--
Blow these broken dreams, I pray.


What do we do now, Love, let the sands of time wear us thin?
Or build a new foundation on a rock that won't cave in?
Let's stop this raging river before it tears our lives apart,
And build again that lighthouse in our hearts.

Let's light again that candle in our hearts...







Related Posts:
Walking On: Beyond Death With Steve
Walking On: Beyond Death With Steve, Part II

I Am the Alpha and the Omega In All My Relationships

How many Consciously Aware Beings does it take to change a world? Only one--myself.

And all those scary corrupt public officials, bankers, abusers--essentially the monsters and demons I'd been fighting with back in my conspiracy-fighting days? They were just bits of plasma role-playing for me, the Creator of my own world, aspects of myself that got lost in her/his human experiences. It was just for a limited time, though, not forever.

Whatever I put out ultimately returns to me--that is why CLEAR LOVE will not tolerate being abused by another being, because the abuser is the ultimate last victim receiving his own abuse. It will come back to him many times more intense, and distorted, if it isn't stopped at the first victim. I am the Alpha and the Omega--I am the origin of the consciousness radiating out that determines how the energies serving me return to me and manifest in my life.

This is why it's important for the victim to say "No more! I am done with this story of energy stealing! We are done with this story, you and I! We are done! I set us both FREE!" It's the most compassionate thing a victim can do--set a boundary of love.

Because whatever I put out ultimately returns to me, even across multiple lifetimes. If I am experiencing abuse of myself--playing the part of victim--I was the creator of that abuse that I'm struggling with. It originated with some life expression of my soul, and as such I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN NEUTRALIZE IT. I am the only one who can choose to end that story by setting boundaries of love in which I no longer allow myself or anyone else to harm me.

Whatever I do to another outside of me, I am ultimately doing that to myself...

This is why it's of utmost importance that I accept and love all of me first, so it's easier for me to accept and have compassion for all others. It's not choosing love of another over oneself or vice versa--it's "and," it's both.

Many modern day religions are teaching that you're selfish and narcissistic if you love yourself. "That's no way to be!" they say.

So be kind to oneself...and...all others.

If you're harming others, you're essentially hurting yourself...and...if you're harming yourself, you're hurting others.

The key point in both of those is to be kind to all. I know from personal experience that loving and accepting all aspects of myself first makes it easy for me to compassionately, hands-off accept all others in my life. I allow us all our freedom to be.

To Judge Is To Limit.

"What goes around, comes around."--that's pretty much karma. "I am the alpha and the omega--I am the beginning and the end." I am the ultimate recipient of what I put out.

The funny thing about that karma phrase, though, is that the person often using it is making a judgment about another person, and they aren't aware of it. It's like wishing another person ill, basically casting a spell at the other person, and that act of power eventually returns to the one making the judgment.

"Judge not lest you be judged the same." When we judge someone else, we're actually judging our self. We're limiting our self.

We can dislike what someone else chooses without condemning them, without pointing fingers of blame. "That's a way to choose to be...and...I don't like that so I'm making a different choice." This is an example of using the tools of "And" & "Allowing."

Love Sets Boundaries

CLEAR LOVE will not tolerate being persecuted and abused. Clear love steps out of the story and sees that it was all just an acting job on all parts.

The sexual energy virus--a victim who allows the perpetuation of her abuse is as much the abuser as the one play-acting her persecutor. Just step out of the role-playing.

The ultimate act of playing Victim is pretending others' choices affect you--that is playing in the power game. 

"They" can make all the freedom-nullifying laws "they" choose, but if you're standing in your own sovereignty claiming your own world, your own freedom--you can live out your own FREE life, and those playing in POWER won't even see you. Do NOT compromise or negotiate with them because that is playing in power. Stand within yourself! BE free!

Be a Light in the Darkness

As the source and center of your reality, what you choose is what you get:

Making choices creates your own reality....and....

allowing others to make decisions for you is still you making that choice.

The ultimate Victim is one who believes the choices of others affect them....and....

that need not be so--if you choose....

Your past choices or the choices of others are only suggestions....and....

those aren't the only possibilities....

We each live out a one-of-a-kind reality based on our unique illumination: 

We are the projectors of our perceptions onto the movie screen of life--which is our personal field of energies in service solely to each of us--so we get what we choose and shine out as being our truths....

Though we may not be famous or have a huge social media following, the Light of Clarity we shine within our own day-to-day life and interactions influences our unique world and it becomes a candlelit world shining out among, and benevolently illuminating otherwise unseen potential choices within ourselves and in other worlds around us....

Make your own choices about the life you want to live and the kind of world you desire to live in....and....live it out, moment by present moment, interaction by interaction....

And allow all others the freedom to do the same....

True illumination doesn't hide away, cowering in fear; nor does it beat others over the head in attempts to shame or blame, or force its own agenda....

True illumination just shines out unconditional love and gratitude for all parts played, and highlights and brings forth grand new possibilities....

I've Been Terrified, Too

I've been afraid of life, too. I've got stories to share. Back in the mid-nineties, I played with conspiracy theories and plots. I was bored with my factory job, my seeming to go no where interesting life. I knew deep inside that there was more to me than an insecure line-up of dead-end jobs that paid me barely just enough and provided an insurance plan that really did nothing to guarantee my well-being. I set out to prove I was worthy of being alive. My dad played with conspiracies so it was rather natural for me to take up the gauntlet of trying to save my loved ones and the world.

I've also been through the school programming that taught me to be ashamed for being a human whose very existence polluted my beloved planet, when, basically, I was simply afraid of dying and just trying to survive on it. And then there's something of a self-righteous element in those teachings as well--some believe that means shaking fingers at others and trying to get them to see and do as they do, when that isn't the only solution or approach. Shaming someone into getting them to do what you want--that's manipulation. Period. And even I knew then that pointing a finger at someone else was only a roundabout way of ultimately pointing at myself.

I know what it's like to go to my mailbox trembling at the possibility of it holding an intimidating and harassing letter from the IRS--and sometimes it did. I know what it's like to contemplate being put in jail because of refusing to follow someone else's rules--refusing to fund people who were using the taxes I paid in to harm others. Some of my friends from those days actually did end up serving jail terms.

I even tried to document and file a claim to my sovereignty--but I did it from within the system--so all it did was get me the attention of people I didn't want to even notice me in the first place. I was essentially trying to use power to get out of a power game, and that just reinforced the construct even more. I ended up returning to the old system and continued playing my old game of just barely enough abundance in the form of money--and freedom--to get by. Because that was easier and less scary than dealing with those powerful monsters at the top of the game.

I didn't know then what I know now--freedom and sovereignty over your own life isn't something another person or being gives you. It's something you claim for yourself--no paperwork or filing in your local courthouse needed. You live it out, moment by moment, always asking oneself, "With this choice am I creating the kind of world I want to be in?"

I attended some Freemen Education gatherings in the Twin Cities. At one of the first meetings, I saw a film about abducted children being used for sexual abuse and snuff films by corrupt public officials. This was shortly after the kidnapping of Jacob Wetterling--a story that touched me deeply. I was an aunt several times over, and didn't want that kind of world for any of our children. I remember bawling on my drive to work at the packaging plant the next morning.

Through those seminars I was exposed to all kinds of plots and awful things humans were doing to one another--from banking schemes to twisted court experiences, and innocent people being terrorized in order to take their land and property. Alternative healing methods were being attacked and suppressed.

I saw there was one story covered by the media, and then there was the other side of the story few heard. For instance, watch all the agendas placed within the writings of TV sitcoms and dramas, movies and commercials in the months leading up to April 15th, the last day to file and pay your income tax--it portrays anyone who questions the current taxation system as a fraud and a criminal. It scares a kind-hearted, trying-to-be-a-conscientious citizen into signing a one-sided, UNLAWFUL agreement that is composed of coded words in a language not understandable to most. To unknowingly take responsibility for something which is basically extortion of oneself. The system needs to be looked at closely--and allowed to balance out. And in order to do so, every single person needs to look at their own abundance issues instead of expecting someone else to lose in order for them to get their way and have the things they desire.

We play-acted a Common Law Court where I was one of the jurists. An older gentleman next to me told me to ask the defendant a question I would have never asked, but I did it for him, not wanting to upset him. Penny the People Pleaser. He was feeding me lines, a viewpoint based in judgment that I did not resonate with.

Afterward, I felt ashamed of myself for going along with it, and I made the clear choice, then and there, to speak my own mind and heart, and to no longer allow someone outside of me to tell me what I should think and believe--no matter whether others liked me for it, or not.

That moment was also a clear representation of the sexual energy virus at play--it was all off balance to the masculine, patriarchal aspect. As much as it highlighted how submissive I was playing the role of a woman who saw herself as secondary to a man in intelligence and decision-making, it also showed me that men are as wounded and enslaved by it as women. In our culture, men aren't aware of the Divine Feminine within themselves--to be anything feminine is perceived as a weakness--so they aren't tapping into a treasure trove of empathy (imagining themselves in the role of another person), intuition and compassion that would balance their lives and allow them to relate more gracefully in their interactions with others.

Regardless of our gender--each of us has both a Divine Feminine and a Divine Masculine facet (physically manifested as an intuitive Right Brain and mental Left Brain hemisphere), and when those two are allowed to express and dance together in equal partnership, magic happens.

There were fundamentalist Christians who were touting ideas of hell and eternal damnation--and when I listened to them and tried their beliefs on for size for myself, for three days straight, I found myself in the deepest, most depressed, and dark tunnel of the soul I have ever experienced. I felt like an unworthy piece of hopeless human shit, and I didn't want to wake up on this earth ever again.

Sometimes I even entertained the thoughts that if only my enemies were killed off, then my troubles and fears would end. But I knew, deep-down, that that wasn't how it would work. There would just arise another enemy in some form to take his place.

I also saw my own fear-laced fanatical gleam reflected back to me by my fellow compatriots at those seminars. I realized that my feelings of terror had me acting just as dangerous to myself and others as the enemies I thought I was nobly fighting.

I was essentially feeling cornered and blind with no power or control over my own life. I was feeling attacked by things I didn't understand or couldn't control, so I was lashing out at whatever moved. I was scary crazy.

I got to a frustrated place of not knowing what was truth and what was a lie.

That's when I started my search for God. That's when I threw away whatever anyone outside of me had told me about right and wrong and truth and what the Bible or Jesus said. I threw it all away. I read the Bible for myself. I quit watching politics and news and commercials. When I saw that authors of the fiction I loved to read had an agenda that nauseated me, I quit reading the book. I wrote down the insights that had me tingling, that came to me whether I was out walking, or whether I was doing something really ordinary like washing dishes. I started asking my own version of god (who was actually my own "I am that I am" self) questions--and clear answers were coming to me. I separated out the chaff from my life and discovered the me, the clear and compassionate master that was within me all along.

You know, there are true gems of wisdom in the sacred scripts--for me, that was the Bible back then. But it's been twisted and distorted through the years by power playing kings and popes who muddied up some key words in there, and some especially liberating, enlightening texts were cut out. The book of Tobias is one of them.

The Greek word "aion", means for a TEMPORARY frame of time--an age--which could be anywhere from a single second to millions of years. But it DOES NOT mean forever--which is how it was translated in most of our current editions of the Bible. And that is key, my beloved humanity, to all of us.

And the eternal hell concept that's preached as a possible destination in so many churches did not originate from the sacred texts. It simply came from a poem called Dante's Inferno--by a poet in love with a woman he couldn't have. The word "hell" in the Bible can mean anything from a dump or graveyard to simply that which is hidden from clear sight--like a skeleton in one's closet, or a personal demon one just can't seem to forgive about oneself. It's not an eternal place. It's a potential experience that can last for a length of time--and most of us have experienced it at least once in our current lifetime on Earth.

As for the word "eternal"--surprisingly to me, I only found it used twice in the current King James Bible--and both times it was in reference to our Original Source.

Look some of these words up for yourself in a book called a Concordance for the Bible. It lists the Aramaic, Hebrew or Greek word it's translated from (preferably the old Greek vs. the new Greek), the place in scripture where it's used, its meanings, and a description of the context in how it's being used. The context will be more relevant and applicable to the culture of the time it was written--about 2000, or more, years ago. Some truths transcend time, and some change and evolve over time. You are the ultimate choice-maker as to whether or not it resonates with you.

So, I KNOW exactly what it's like to be terrified of all the things that might happen to me, my loved ones, my country, my planet. Those were quite the days, and for several years afterward I regretted having taken that journey. I felt a bit foolish, and once I'd stepped out of the old system, I wasn't sure if I could return to it with some dignity intact. That's a huge thing for us singular-feeling Little Humans. What if I was all wrong?

Today, I have no regrets because I gained some valuable wisdom from that experience. After a few years of playing the conspiracy game, I came to the most freeing conclusion:

I realized I couldn't change other people, much less the world; but I could change myself and I could choose how I interacted with the people around me in the moment at hand. 

That realization led me to another question, "Who am I, really?"...



Related Posts:
I Am the Source and Center of My Reality
Recognizing the Master Within

I Am the Source and Center of My Reality

I had a profound understanding when my dad passed away 14 years ago: I realized that when he crossed over the veil, the world as only he perceived and knew it went with him. He was the source and center of his own reality, just as I am the source and central awareness of the unique reality world that I create. No one else outside of me can possibly be aware of all the perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and knowingnesses that flow through my consciousness in a given moment.

I see myself as being a pinpoint of conscious awareness surrounded by a globe of what I call my reality experience.

Many people can experience the exact same incident and no two perceptions of it will ever be completely alike. Everyone has a one-of-a-kind perspective. Each person's perception of it will be colored by their unique previous experiences and by how limited their consciousness is.

Close your eyes for a bit and feel into your own awareness of your existence as the source and center of the world within and around you. Now open your eyes and see the magic all around you, present moment by present moment--a hologram that quantumly forms all around you, in service to you--the ground you seem to walk on or the chair you sit upon, the trees that shade you, the door that opens for you to walk through, the walls that prevent you from passing through to the other side.

Isn't it amazing? Right here, right now, the energies have formed themselves around you in the form of people and things to match whatever is radiating out from your central pinpoint of consciousness--that simple awareness that says, "I exist."

In this instance though, our world is limited because the consciousness radiated out from us is limited: I exist only as a human with a singular identity. I have a personality and this is how I am.

That belief that we're just a little human being trying to survive on a planet keeps us limited in our experience. Most humans don't see themselves as being the creators of their own reality, so it doesn't even occur to them to open up to accepting total responsibility for everything they perceive and experience.

In accepting responsibility though, you must have full compassion for yourself as having played that blind human who didn't know you were the source and center of your reality. How can you hold accountable someone who knows not who or what they are? How can you blame someone who does something harmful while they are deep asleep, often feeling and reacting as though they are having a nightmare?

I have more to come, but I'm stopping here for now, or you'll fall asleep.

All I want to share with you now is the point that I am the source and center of my reality. Feel into it. Go about your day and play with it. Notice the little things of the present moments around you and within you. See everyone and everything as being energies in service to you. Watch for the things you overlook because you're focused on tomorrow or yesterday. My dad told me once that he'd been so busy going from point A to point B that he often didn't see what was in-between--and then one day he realized there was so much there that he'd missed because of his focus on getting to some destination or goal.

So be present in your NOW REALITY world...play with what is simply a shift in perspective.


Related Posts:
Recognizing the Master Within

Recognizing the Master Within

It's always amazed me that with all the trying-to-perfect-my-human-self religions people seek to practice, so few actually set aside the studying of books and their busy outer "Look At My Deed-doing" long enough to take the time alone to become aware of the Master who lives within each of us. Their sacred books even tell them NOT to study the literal words and to look deeper than the outer deeds. They seem addicted to the grand search and the pretense of being lost and unworthy.

When I say, "The Master," I'm not talking about ascended masters like Jesus/Yeshua, Buddha, Saint-Germain, or any of the others--they each realized their own master self within. They were standards, examples of Self-Mastery Realization for us to see in the flesh. For us to see that enlightenment could be allowed and experienced by all of us. They never wanted to be used as idols or gods or saviors for us to worship.

I'm talking about the real YOU--the Compassionate Observer part--and the knowingness that resides in every single one of us. The realization, on a certain consciousness level--on the SOUL level--that we ALL love and accept unconditionally. That we all practice utmost compassion all the time (and have always been doing so). Even though, on the surface, we may be ACTING like naughty or nice little kids on this sensual and gritty Earthly playground.

But that's the point--we're all just acting.

I read the Bible for myself, and here are the concepts that helped me remember who I really am:

"False prophets and teachers will say, 'Here is the Christ! Jesus is coming! Look over here! Look over there!'... But the true teacher is the one within you. Listen to that one."

I even had a dream where that was made blatantly clear to me:
All around me were big movie screens that captured and held the attention of other fellow humans. They were entranced by commercials and dramas and games and self-perfecting practices. I was throwing out seed to feed the chickens, but only these iridescent, translucent birds (invisible to the other humans) saw it to eat it. Everyone else was too busy looking outside of themselves--watching a metaphorical TV--to realize the beauty and mastery that was always present within themselves. 

"Don't throw your pearls before swine." This phrase always comes through with the memory of that vision. It doesn't mean humans are a bunch of pigs. It just means they are so deeply immersed into a hypnotic overlay and into an identity of playing the role of a sinner in a mucky pig-pen, that they aren't seeing themselves for who they truly are. And they won't until they're ready...

The "Song of Solomon" in the "Old Testament" tells the story of the Bridegroom searching all over outside of himself for his Beloved Bride only to realize that she had been with him all along, every step of the way. To me, that was just another way of telling me that everything I need or am is already within me. The true master is right here. "I am here!--Quit searching!"

In the "New Testament," Jesus stated, "There are those who shall come after me, and they shall do all these things I do, and more." Yet, I watch all these people going to church and following the traditions and rituals without any understanding or question. It's like me in the eighth grade having to memorize and recite the poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade." I did it with ease, but, to this day, I have no idea what the poem was about! Over 2000 years later, few have actually taken Jesus's words to heart and run with it. Instead, they get on the Facebook bandwagon and proclaim, "Jesus is my savior...God loves you" just because someone told them to do it...and I admit it, I grin. Because I felt like a big fake when I tried to do a similar thing back when Facebook wasn't even a thought. For some passionate reason deep inside me I wasn't buying what others were trying to get me to believe and do.

For all those who attend all those Bible studies, how can you read those amazing words and not remember them and not want to experience your own realization? Frankly, my own life was so boring for the most part, that I was ready for something truly new. Other times, I wanted a true, freedom-for-all resolution to the issues that concerned me--not a compromise where someone has to lose in order for another to win. Instead, people get all busy play-acting the role of born sinners who need a god who sends ONLY  ONE son to save them from themselves and their devil-dealings...and then he does this by offering himself as a BLOOD SACRIFICE to appease...whom???

In the Christian Bible "Old Testament," God actually stopped Abraham from sacrificing his own son to Him...so why would today's humans think a blood sacrifice was necessary? It's not making common sense.

During those years, when I tried to act like a good Christian, I always stumbled over calling Jesus (whom I now know as Yeshua) my "savior." It stuck in my heart and throat. It didn't feel natural or even sincere. Yet, calling him a friend and brother was easy.

Loving him was easy, and I appreciated the stories that portrayed him as an imperfect human just like me. That he could feel and express anger sometimes. That family members and friends could irritate him, too, at times. He wasn't syrupy sweet and self-righteously, turn-the-other-cheek holy. Some interactions with others pushed his last button of tolerance, and he let it show. Imagine it's you trying to deliver the message that the master is within each and every one, and all those hypnotized humans want you to do is perform magic tricks to make them ooh and aah, and maybe feed them fish and bread when they're a bit hungry. Or they still insist on coming to you with sob story, after sob story, after sob story, and expect the performance of a miracle for them when that's not your responsibility!

His message was about recognizing that YOU are always the master and creator of your own life. The compassionate observer is always present in you--"Heaven is right at hand!"--even when you're acting like the singular human being. It's just a matter of you opening into awareness of that part of yourself.

I attended a Good Friday service at a time in my life when I was already feeling at my lowest. I felt guilty that I even existed. It was my first, and last, Good Friday service. They handed us all a nail to hammer into a cross in front of everyone so it was driven home what we did to Jesus. The gory suffering of the Passion Play--the crucifixion of Yeshua--is not where I choose to dwell...And I DID NOT CRUCIFY YESHUA!!! Nor did any of you!

None of us needs saving--none of us ever did--and to slap Jesus on a cross and make people feel guilty about his death is an example of the use of POWER, of idolatry, and of energy stealing done by those who really aren't aware of the Master within himself or herself. They are deep asleep in a hypnosis. Those are the false teachers and prophets. The true, free master is powerless and doesn't need the energies from anyone else in order to exist or to create.

Here are a few realizations I had as I awakened to my own mastery within:

When I was a child--too young for school--I remember not being caught up so emotionally in the stories of others. Talk and stories and gossip flowed around me--but, for the most part, these stories were beyond my little-kid ability to even try to understand or control, and, as a result, my early life had some imagination and magic in it. Life flowed. But as I grew older, I began to feel and see myself in the stories, and I tried to monitor and control myself and my supporting casts of characters. I tried to make myself into a perfect human.

As I immersed more fully into an identity, playing the role of I'm-just-a-Little-Human Penny, I began to internalize suggestions about what kind of world I lived in, and how I should be and feel in it. I got more cynical and judgmental. I created my own reality based on the limited consciousness teachings and examples of admired family members, friends, teachers, and preachers. I began to feel ashamed if I wasn't feeling certain ways about certain situations. I felt wrong if I didn't act like I cared or felt sorry for someone.

But, even when I acted all nice on the outside, part of me always sensed that I didn't really care as much as I believed I should. I knew I was just pretending to be like I thought I was supposed to be.

I had to ask myself, "Why don't I care?" -- My answer, "Because it doesn't really matter. We're all playing a game of Let's Pretend." I actually observed myself acting in the moment. I SAW that we were all just play-acting! We were all drama-queening and -kinging it!

And I knew we were all really okay no matter how our stories played out. I've ALWAYS known this.

I've watched others play out their melodramas as a gift just for me--for example--a poor, pitiful me sob story. And when I looked into their eyes I sensed a conspiratorial wink--a knowingness that BOTH of us shared. We both recognized that no matter what was coming out of the mouth or being enacted by the body language, we both knew it was just an act, and that on some level we were having fun with the play, even though our human aspects were too asleep to see it.

I've become so aware of myself trying to play the poor, pitiful victim me that I can't even convincingly act the part with myself anymore. I cry, but it's hard to do without laughing at myself at the same time, so my famous sob fests have lost their oomph. Oh, I still indulge occasionally, but they don't last long.

"Apologize not, for your own or for another's existence--for it's out of love we ALL come, and it's unto love we ALL return."

The above statement popped into my awareness in the mid 1990s after reading the "Conversations With God" books by Neale Donald Walsh. In the third book, he shared the children's story, "The Little Soul and the Sun." The gist of the story was that we were acting out roles for our own and each other's self discovery, and when, out of love, we agreed to play the dark parts for someone, we hoped that the one we pretended to betray would remember that it was just a play-act, that we role-played that part out as a gift, on a stage where no one ultimately was ever harmed.

My dad had a falling out with his siblings after the death of his dad.  I was so mentally and emotionally tugged and torn every which way trying to stay loyal to my dad and still have a loving relationship with my aunts and uncles that it drove me to throw up my hands in frustration and powerless surrender.

When I gave up trying to handle the situation and monitoring myself, I stepped back and out of the story, and became the audience watching their act on the stage. It was then that I finally realized that no matter how judgmental, silly, crazy, and mean they were to one another on the surface of things while on that stage--underneath all that clatter and conniption, I knew, without any doubt, that they actually always loved one another. Unconditional acceptance and compassion were always there on all sides. They were just pretending, and I could then see, too, that they were having fun playing out together a "Dysfunctional Family" story.

With that understanding expanding through the years, I've discovered that I can eventually laugh at all of our I'm-a-blind-and-hypnotized-human antics and let all my mind-based feelings of judgment, guilt, and self-doubt go. I've freed myself from many an old icky story with that simple realization.

"Allow & And": Two Tools of Enlightenment

Yes, I am human, and, because I've been unaware of the master that I am for so many lifetimes, that Little Human still has some tough moments and days. But I now ALLOW myself to be however without monitoring and trying to control that human part. If she's feeling particularly ugly or fat or angry or happy or sad, whatever--I let her be. Because I KNOW I'm just acting, and no matter how hard I humanly struggle to fix her, it's just not going to happen. Because there really isn't anything wrong with me in the first place..."and"...I know I'm also the Master, who has no issues, at the same time.

My human self isn't responsible for my enlightenment and mastery. It doesn't have the equipment for that. It was never intended for that. This human mind allows me to navigate this lovely planet stage, and this human body allows me to have a sensual experience of all that I am. 

I ALLOW myself to simply be however my human feels in the moment, and to RELAX into my ENLIGHTENMENT.

My master self sees it all more clearly, more compassionately. She knows enlightenment happens naturally, and she reminds my human self that my job is to just ALLOW and to remember I am more than a singular human--I am many expressions (many STORIES) of the "I am" happening all at the same time. It's awareness of the master within that sets all aspects of my beingness free, because it's taken the pressure off my human aspect of thinking she had to figure out how, and work so hard, to be enlightened.

As the master and the human together, we celebrate all the wisdom gained from all our human stories.

None of us are born sinners. 
We each just forgot who we really are while playing in our games of "Let's Pretend."

Ultimately, we are all eternal--our conscious awareness that we exist is forever and always present, regardless of whether or not we are playing about in the costume of a body: 
"I am!...I exist!...I am here!"

YOU are the Master of all that you are...
And, regardless of your act, I will always know and recognize that whether you do or not...

As to my first question, "Why aren't more humans choosing an awakened, enlightened life?"

First of all, I don't think any of them are even aware that such a thing is even possible, certainly not for Little ol' Me.

And, most importantly, I see they're still having too much fun on the old POWER playground yet. They love playing on the old equipment. They love the old games being played by all the children there--even the war games, or the ones where they are stuck being the "It" person in a game of tag. They like make-believing that death is real. They like playing sick and opening up their Doctor kits. They like pretending there are accidents, and that they make silly mistakes like getting their tongues stuck to the monkey bars while trying to lick the frost off them. They like the intrigues of the He Said/She Saids, and getting to point a finger at someone while acting out being a Tattle Tale. What a sensual wonderland! As long as you're enjoying the life that you have, there's no desire to look for more...and that's perfectly okay! Enjoy yourself!

I reached a point in my life where I'd had my fill of all those old playground delights. I was tired of POWER plays. I wanted to experience a playground founded on FREEDOM. I wanted something brand new, not just a different version of the same stories. I had this knowing feeling deep down inside that maybe there was more to life than that one playground and my singular identity...

And then I became aware of the Compassionate Observing Master in me who delighted in my acting antics on the stage of human life...

That Master opened me up to allowing experience of potentials that as a human, I never even knew existed before, much less imagined. Things like going beyond the mind, beyond death, beyond time and space, creating realities and dimensions that never existed before--the simple sensual delight of just being in life!

After that, nothing else mattered for me except living a life of conscious embodiment, fully aware of the master that I am while playing in an enlightened physical human costume.

Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve, Part II

Click this link for Walking on...Beyond Death With Steve, Part 1


When Steve was 14, he crossed over the Veil, and the love and music that he experienced while there profoundly affected the course of his life: He told me his greatest desire was to bring that all-accepting love here to this Earthly reality world. He could also read people's hearts from the aura around them. 

He joined a Christian church in search of something that would resonate with that experience, and though it did help him develop his voice and musical gifts, it ended up being a stepping stone. It was limited, and it wasn't answering all the questions he had, so he left; and he opened up to receiving his answers from myriad sources throughout his life: often something he read in a book or heard from a person, from a vision or an experience he had, and mainly from his own knowingnesses from within.

In the most recent August 2016 Shoud, Adamus shared with us that in the last year over 100 Shaumbra--meaning awakened and conscious human beings--found themselves unexpectedly on the other side of the veil. They didn't commit suicide, their bodies just gave out. Some of them suffered strokes or heart attacks or some such--and they simply found themselves on the other side.

This awakening and enlightenment and transfiguration isn't easy stuff--everything about you is released and changed biologically, mentally and spiritually all the way back through a person's ancestral, both biological and spiritual, beginnings. It changes your very DNA.

Everything goes new, and even though it happens naturally and there's no going back, it's a difficult and tremendous shift. Steve and I both had lower back issues that affected our ability to walk. You may experience head and upper back pains, and pains in the heart, the sides and stomach, and pains in your limbs and extremities. You may have skin issues. Your vision is affected. Your thinking and mental processes don't work so well. Sometimes you can't sleep enough, and other times you don't sleep much at all. I've experienced hot and cold flashes, like menopause, only this affects both men and women and is more intense. It lasted for nearly half a year, and just when I thought I was done, it showed up again after Steve left.

It's all unique to the individual, and often there's really very little a doctor can do--our medical system has a "diagnose and let's fix this thing that's wrong with you perspective"--and truly nothing is wrong, not from our viewpoint. We are just changing, going through a metamorphosis. All of it is very personal and it's often hard to find the words to share with other people. 

There is a deep and profound passion that keeps one pressing on, even when the body hurts, and I've found myself enduring more pain and hardship than I need to because of my desire to get past this part of our story. I've been reminded lately that truly loving myself means taking the pressure off my already-challenged body and using whatever therapy occurs to me in the moment to help give myself a reprieve, to take the edge off so I can enjoy this now moment, and not get so focused on the future. I have all the time in the world to serve me, and I gave myself this particular gift of experience--I should savor it instead of trying to race my way to some finish line.

I have recently given myself a little help through homeopathy for the allergic symptoms and for the hot and cold flashes/spinal energy surges. Homeopathic remedies, administered in minute dosages, basically induce the body to experience the same symptoms, only less intensely, so that it stimulates one's innate body to balance itself naturally, as it has always known how to. Kryon, as channelled through Lee Carroll, has spoken quite clearly on the benefits of homeopathy. BUT, for emotional issues, as Adamus notes, I would NOT use it--homeopathy means "more of the same," so if you're already depressed, you'll be even more so before it swings the other direction. I use it only for the physical symptoms.

Adamus has recommended to have simple body work done, like massage and Reiki, to help flow the stuck energies. I have had my husband and Steve rub out the sore spots from time to time, but I've yet to treat myself to a massage from a trained therapist. 

Baths and water therapy helps, and I walk quite a bit out in nature or spend time outside gardening and playing with our cats. Our pets are some of the most supportive beings in this journey, and Steve's cat, Buddy, was one of his best friends, too. On Father's Day last year, Buddy brought him a live, unharmed baby bunny. He dropped it in Steve's hands.

Adamus Saint-Germain has told us many times over the years that people who transition across the Veil of Forgetting (aka, people who die), their consciousness (which is eternal) actually leaves their bodies sometimes weeks in advance of their bodies physically dying--and that it happens regardless of whether it's an illness or a seeming accident. It's been helpful for me to know this because Adamus said that they don't suffer with pain then, even though the person may appear to be in pain--that's just the body, the human shell, going on in its established patterns and stories. Also, their human minds can continue chattering long after the physical body has died.

With that said, when I remember my last visit on the phone with Steve a couple weeks prior to the wedding, he mentioned looking deeply within at your fear surrounding death as one way of gaining full understanding of going beyond--that a human's fear of death is what keeps one imprisoned in this old consciousness reality. In short, I believe he was trying to tell me even then that he had already died, so to speak--though as unexpectedly on his part as much as mine. I didn't go there with him at the time because I didn't expect him to die--we were going through this together, both staying embodied in our enlightenment on this side. At least, that was our hope, because both of us know not to get too attached to an outcome or human plan.

The Saturday morning of our last coffee date, I realized I was drinking my coffee from the red fiesta ware cups that the restaurant uses. Steve commented that the servers there knew not to serve him using that color. He had an aversion to that specific red--red is the root chakra color, the one most connected with the Earth energies. It's a grounding energy, and when I commented that I had no problem with it, Steve replied that he was having a hard time grounding himself--staying embodied--here. 

I just thought at the time that this was more of the same conversation we'd had for years. It wasn't news to me that he was having difficulty with this--all of us Shaumbra have dealt with the difficulty of keeping our energies anchored with the Earth story. Now, I think he was trying to tell me once again the news I didn't want to hear, the twist and turn in my road. I see all this stuff in retrospect--hindsight is 20/20.

In looking back, he was trying to tell me he had already crossed over by blinking at me while on the ventilator in the hospital, but I was focused on it being transfiguration symptoms that would eventually balance themselves, and human Penny only saw what she wanted to see. Things truly did work out--and even though I persisted in my errant belief at the time--I was still always open to anything and everything that happened, even his possible and what ended up being, for all of us, his very real death. 

Synchronicities happened throughout this experience in the hospital, his transition, and the burial of his ashes on the hill, with people who knew his various wishes and attitudes towards life appearing at just the right time and place. We truly couldn't have planned it any better. His caregivers were sensitive and compassionate. Everything just flowed. Love and gratitude and kindness truly was all around. 

Even when someone thought they'd made a mistake, it turned out to be the best thing that could happen. An example is when our youngest brother read his invitation wrong and missed the wedding. But because of that, he was close to Bismarck and was able to meet Steve when they flew him from Bowman (a 3 hour drive for the rest of us) to the Sanford Hospital ICU. It was important to all of us that Steve see a familiar and loving face when he got there.

So, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing more clearly that Steve really had already found himself on the other side of the veil, probably at least 2 weeks prior to his son's wedding, an event he really wanted to be present for. During our phone visit, he told me he'd been writing a song for his son and new daughter-in-law, and he was excited to spend time with his daughter and her family while they were back. 

One of the great things about embodied enlightenment is that you take your energetic body with you when you decide to leave this life, and that it's then easy to incarnate at will afterwards. It's my understanding that we don't leave a corpse behind for someone to have to deal with. Remember Yeshua/Jesus--his body disappeared from the tomb, and days later, his loved ones and apostles were able to perceive him.

This situation left us with a dilemma. We had a physical body here yet, and Steve had some unfinished personal things he sincerely desired to see resolved. Basically, he made it through the wedding celebration, and then we managed to extend it a week and a half after the major stroke in order to bring everything to resolution, and to allow those of us especially close to him the time to come to some semblance of inner peace and let go.


I developed a twitch in my left eye the first day of his stroke that I realized meant I was connected with Steve on another consciousness level. Whether I was at home or while sitting beside him, I'd feel myself moving from one dimension to another--feeling slightly off-kilter and a bit nauseated, not fully in my body. While in this state, I channelled his wishes to his kids. The annoying twitch left after his body shut down. I think of it as my dreamwalking twitch.

Steve and I talked often about how blessed we were to have the biological family that we shared--we have amazingly sensitive and freedom-honoring parents and siblings. We don't get in one another's business, and while we may hold different viewpoints on some subjects, it's never really mattered--ultimately, we're there for each other, no matter what. And it's done in a quiet way--we're not, any of us, much into making speeches, even at our loved ones celebrations.

Steve loved nature, and he adored those divine beings who played the roles of his children and grandchildren, nieces, nephews, siblings, parents and friends. He and I saw all of us as being more than our human roles. His children weren't his to own or control--they were gifts in his life--sovereigns of their own life, and free to be. His desire for all of us was to have happy, abundant in all ways, lives.


I know I wasn't off in my understanding that Steve was going through transfiguration--it's been going on for quite some time. He was enlightened, meaning he knew he was the source and center, the creator and perceiver of his own realities, and he accepted full and compassionate responsibility for everything in his life--blaming nothing and no one outside of himself, not even himself. We know it's all just a matter of giving ourselves the chance to express and to know thyself more profoundly through experience. 

Adamus described Yeshua as experiencing a shortness of breath and chest pains during his transfiguration, as witnessed by a couple of the apostles--that he initially thought he was having a heart attack after his trek up the mountain, and that he wasn't in the best of physical shape at the time either. And remember, he also said that someday we would do all the things he did, and more...

...and as far as Steve was concerned, it's all about LOVE...the real all-accepting LOVE he knew and practiced...

Related Posts:
Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve
Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve, Part III
Steve's Legacy of Songs: Finding Your Own Words