Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve

On Friday, June 3rd, 2016, I returned to my hometown of Bowman, ND to celebrate my nephew's wedding the next day. Saturday morning, my cell rang at 6:15 a.m. It was my brother, Steve, telling me to get my ass up to Jabr's for coffee. He said that I could sleep all I wanted at home, but we had things to do while I was in town.

On Sunday, the morning after the wedding, I awoke right on the dot of 6:00 a.m., intending to use the bathroom, when my cell phone rang. Again, it was Steve, father of the groom, and he slurred out to me that he thought he was having a stroke...two weeks later, after a traumatic hospital experience, we buried his ashes next to Mom and Dad's on the Big Hill on my family's farm.

It's all just a dream...my dream...

What I used to call my reality, I now understand, is really just one dream of many. This Earth dream realm--with its time and space and gravity--is just more sensual and dense--more real-feeling--than any others.

When I try to manipulate or fix something from within my dream persona--for instance, like I'm a prisoner trying to break out of a jail cell using a tool--it doesn't work out. In recurring sleep-state dreams I try to clean myself, clear myself. I find myself  in bathroom scenes where showers and toilets are non-functioning, or I have a public audience when I want privacy. I search for clothing for some occasion, clothing that I just knew I had at one time, but cannot find. In these dreams I end up being thwarted in all my attempts and I awaken to this world feeling frustrated.

These dreams were reflections of how I try to perfect my human self by trying to control and manipulate myself and others outside me from within this dense and sensually gritty dream world. This is impossible to do from within a limited I am only human consciousness. I can't POWER my way through something in order to change it.

This earthly dream world is not as fluid as the other dreaming dimensions because humans are unaware that we're each just having a dream. We believe it's our only reality. As long as my conscious radiation is one of a limited, "imperfect/need-to-fix" human, I will continually have energies serving me up a dish of nightmares filled with me in an undesirable state.

So how do I change a dream?

First, I wake up from it. It isn't called "awakening into enlightenment" for nothing.

Then I remind myself it was "just a dream," to take a few deep breaths to re-center myself and let it all go and relax. If it was a nightmare, I tell myself to quit thinking about it and I focus on a different subject. Later, when I'm open and at ease, the wisdom gleaned from the nightmare comes to me, and it's a gift that transforms the negative dream experience into something to celebrate.

Get out of your own way!

I always gain wisdom from my dreams regardless of whether they're nightmares or enjoyable flights of fancy. Don't judge anything or anyone as being either good or bad because judgments LIMIT the dream experience and stop the unfolding of THE MORE that is possible.

Judging is how we get in our own way.

There are potentials of perceiving a loved one who has crossed the veil that are kept from manifesting in this earth dream because the DEATH illusion is so accepted as truth in the majority of the consciousness of humans on this planet.

But I can perceive loved ones who have supposedly died, and I have been doing so for years in my dreams...I just didn't REALIZE that I was doing so because I was deep asleep in this DEATH is my only reality mass hypnosis. I would awaken from those dreams into this one, reminding myself that they were actually really dead.

I kept my past manifesting as my present experience because I was re-membering the feelings of the negative traumas; and, due to their supposed death, I was feeling the loss of positive joys I would no longer experience with the individual.

Steve wasn't just my biological brother. He was my spiritual brother, a Shaumbra brother. We talked of learning how to change our reality, of being truly sovereign and free, even of going beyond death. We were each other's phone call when a new profound insight or experience happened.

Through this latest experience with Steve, it came roaring to the forefront for me of how the focus of the crucifixion of Yeshua (aka Jesus) was on the pain he suffered; yet little is said about what Mary Magdalene and all his loved ones experienced watching all of this happen to him, not knowing how it was going to play out or what to expect. My beloved humans--it's not romantic to have your loved ones suffering hospital waiting rooms, or having them watch you struggle for breath or life while you're playing out being the victim of some disease or tragic accident.

All the while this act of Steve dying of a stroke was playing out, I had the sense that he and I were doing this in order to blow a hole in the old consciousness, to open up a new perspective. And the only way you do that is by living it out yourself.

The hospital experience with him was hellish and traumatic and difficult...and yet, it was easier for me this time because I was in a place of allowing and knowing that no one did, or could do, anything wrong. I felt gratitude and freedom in letting go of an outcome, and I knew Steve was of a similar attitude. I was at ease just being a clear, powerless, and loving presence with him in his transformation. Still, it was a hard nightmare to have it play out the way it did.

The Limited Human feeling of loss I felt at the death of a best friend was devastating. He wrote songs of such love, unconditional acceptance, and compassion based in messy experience that no one else but me would ever hear. He played guitar and sang his poetry with the height and depth of angelic choirs. The music would initially come to him in different languages or tongues, and as he played it, the English translation would emerge. My humanity raged and sobbed in despair--and this has lasted over two months.

I had to tell myself to quit dwelling in the past, to just let it all go.

Let the nightmare go, Pen...and don't try to control or drive the future...

Just wake up, take deep breaths and relax right now. Feel the freedom of the release from awakening from the nightmare. Allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of freedom and ease and gratitude that it was all just a dream...

I didn't lose a thing, not really... 

Just like Steve's story of his own recurring nightmare of the hand from the creek on our farm grabbing his loved ones, one-by-one, with him as the last victim, only to discover that, instead of the hell he expected, it was a big party and celebration with everyone there.

Just like in the Old Testament story of Job, I lost everything and everyone I loved in that old nightmare...and when I awakened, not only was every single loved one still here with me, but it was all so much more precious because of all the wisdom I gained from this Earth dream that I once believed was my sole reality...

The prison of this limited Earth dream in a human avatar set me free...



Related Posts:
Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve, Part 2
Walking On...Beyond Death With Steve, Part 3
Steve's Legacy of Songs: Finding Your Own Words