Self-Awareness Blows Apart "Born in Sin" Dogma

What if you actually aren't a "two-bit, four-flushing, dirty-rotten, low-down, indiscriminate-clod of a sinner?"

....and....maybe you've played the part and are actually feeling like one, and would like to change that? 

What if it's all just a game of temporary experiences and stories based in a limited consciousness (limited self-awareness)--and nobody and nothing is actually hurt or killed? What if it's all just "Let's Pretend"?

Ever since the Apocalypse (The Great Revealing of Self-Divinity/Soul--March, 22, 2023) I've felt myself releasing and integrating like never before....and....two concepts have jumped to the forefront of my awareness lately: 

Don't take yourself or your creations too seriously....laugh!!! Laugh a lot!!!

You're worthy of receiving all the joyful abundance life has to offer--just because you exist....

....not because you deserve it by being a perfect, hard-working, self-sacrificing, suffering human.

"Original Sin" is one of the worst SUGGESTIONS made to humans.

It's been so deeply ingrained in humanity as a truth for so many ages that even I was still being tripped up by it.

Even though I haven't bought into that particular belief system for decades anymore, I can still feel it within myself, influencing my perception of myself in my world, thus warping the consciousness I radiate out into my field of energies that serve me alone in the creation of the present reality I experience.

And it's not even about being worthy--those aren't the right words to communicate the energies of what I'm feeling. 

I am the source, center and creator of my own realities--why wouldn't I choose to give myself joy-filled, abundant experiences now that I remember that? 

There was no original sin. Nobody fell from grace. As the progeny of The Original Eternal One, we ALL simply forgot for a time who we each really are....

And we immersed our consciousness into suffocatingly, lower-vibration, dense, unnatural states of being--human biology--in order to help our own soul experience and get to know thyself, and to understand how our own energies serve us. Who am I? How did I get what I got? How do I create what I want? We're all here out of love for our souls, for each other, for ALL THAT IS....

And when you forget that you're this magnificent creator being with all the inherent qualities and freedom of your original source parents (Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine All in One)--well, this planet feels like a huge and daunting, often scary, place. You feel puny, terrified, doubtful of yourself, and at the whim of circumstances and things and beings you perceive as being outside of you. All your answers lie within, but you're distracted by and focused on your outer world. 

The consciousness of Fear and Self-Doubt radiated out just begets you more things manifested--by you--to be afraid of and defend against. Along with constant self-questioning of whether you did right or wrong.

Then you die, and those experiences get stored in mass consciousness as memories so that as you reincarnate lifetime after lifetime, associations get made and the stories get bigger and more dense. It gets really hard to see clearly--you're just lashing out at the demons you alone created. And though you fight and struggle to defeat them, get control of them, monitor them--the fact that you're giving them all that attention just keeps them in play in your own virtual reality game. The harder you fight, the more there are, the more overwhelming it gets....and so it goes....

Everything is a SUGGESTION of what you can choose to make your own personal truth--therein lies your answer out of the imprisoning puzzle....See it--close your eyes and FEEL it--as the suggestion it is, and laugh....

Choose to have a great sense of humor--be willing to laugh at yourself first....

I have realized that being able to view myself from a humorous perspective of having played the human role in the old Blind Man's Bluff, I Forgot Who I Am Game is a fun way to clear out my old cob webs. When I realized that I basically created my own bullies and then punched at them and it ultimately resulted me in being slapped up and down one side and another--all by myself--well, what's not to laugh at? Me--fighting with myself! Throwing punches at air, punches that somehow come back at me and knock me out.

And laughter is a fun way to get energies released and flowing again. Anger works, too, to an extent, but at a certain point it's got a bit of a victimy feel to it that can get one feeling stuck in a circle. Laughter seems to bring it all to flow....

When it's all said and done, I've been fighting with myself....and....

I'd rather be laughing and 

"danc-ing with mysel-elf...." (I'm singing that last part--what song is that, anyway? David Bowie?)

How about you? The choice is yours. In my book, nobody here is a sinner. We've all done crappy, horrid--even evil--things when we thought we were no-good pieces of shit that some god out there was punishing and chastising into some warped, prudish, do-gooder of perfection. Not to mention, only one was worthy enough to be called a "son of god"--and his reward for that title was to be sacrificed--nailed to a cross to suffer a horrible, drawn-out demise--as an offering for the rest of us lost causes. Pretty bleak....and....pretty hilarious when viewed from the broader perspective that I gave all that to myself....

What Friendship With a Sovereign Embodied Master Looks Like

 I don't need anything from you....

I am the source, center, creator, experiencer, master of all I perceive....If it's in my life, I alone put it there. Whether it be money I do or don't have in the moment at hand, popularity or unpopularity, heaven or hell experiences, uplifting or irritating people--I manifest all of it, on my own, with my own field of energies that serve me alone....

And....you don't need anything from me....

Don't follow me. I'm nobody's guru, savior, super-hero, or martyr. I don't have anybody's answers. You are not my responsibility. You have your own personal field of energies in soul/sole service to you. If you choose to take up your own embodied mastery, I will support you all the way, meaning I will let you fall if you persist in avoiding looking honestly at an issue you think you have....I have no tolerance or patience anymore for whiny little human shit. No mollycoddling. 

We're just playing "Let's Pretend," and it's time to quick taking myself so seriously, much less, anyone else.

Money-Making Schemes and Friendships:

"I need to find a way to make a living doing something I love doing."--Really???

I'm extremely bored with this and tired of hearing and watching people's schemes to make a buck.

"I've got to create a business in order to make money" is a huge hypnotic belief system based in the Power Game Illusion. It's never made sense to me. Remember the old pyramid schemes like Amway? I tried it for one short moment (because I'd been approached by a dear friend of mine) until I realized that in order to make it work the way I was told it should work was for me to view my new and old friends and family members as someone I could make money from. It just didn't sit well and I never sold anyone anything.

I've lost count of the people I've met through the years who've insisted on trying to create some sort of money-making business out of the "spiritual" (a much over-used and distorted word) or conscious realizations they've experienced. 

Most get nowhere with it, because you've placed a limitation on yourself. You're so deep into the hypnosis and focused on the linear--ABC--steps of how to make money using the business pattern, that you aren't keeping yourself open to your own flow of wisdom. 

You get sidetracked in details, and that will bog anyone down in a heartbeat. Instead of concentrating on, and flowing, the answers within (standing firmly in your mastery), you get focused on what's outside of you, and that just leads you astray and deeper down the rabbit hole.You're dinking around trying to manipulate your outer world creations and it just basically keeps you wrangling with yourself, ultimately.

You're better served by first asking yourself, "What SUGGESTIONS about money have I made my truth and how are they playing out in my reality, my life? What am I getting by making these ideas my own truths? 

Am I flowing abundance in all forms--or am I lacking in areas because I believe I have to compromise this for that? For instance, am I lacking in joyful relationships (a form of abundance) because I have to devote my time to working hard (a suggestion you can make your truth) instead of enjoying companionship?  Do I really have to make all kinds of sacrifices (also a truth you can make your own) in order to eke out a living in order to do a few things I enjoy? Can I have it all?

Have you taken a few good deep breaths, closed your eyes, and allowed yourself to feel into feeling free and allowing abundance in all forms to flow to you, no hard work, no tedious analysis involved, no obligations or duties, whatsoever? Practice it. You might like it....Breathe it in--the sensual feeling of being absolutely FREE.......

If you start gaining a clientele doing what you love doing, regardless of what it is, then, by all means, charge people (including friends and family) for it--and charge well for it--because any of us who've been through awakening and into realization of embodied mastery, we recognize there has to be an energy exchange for the good of both parties involved--otherwise, you end up with an energy-feeding dynamic, and that's just sucky.

All the money or all the friends in the world don't hold a candle to my actually living my life out as an Embodied Master....

All the pretty--and ugly--words I write mean absolutely nothing to me if I'm not truly living my life out as the free and sovereign creator and experiencer of my own realms. I'm ready to check out and head to the other side of the Veil (just walk out of my body, no suicide necessary) if it doesn't fully manifest here soon. I'm a better friend by being a standard of what a master is like. By being an example of what each and every individual has to look forward to realizing for themselves--in their own unique style and way--at some point in their own human sojourns here on Earth.

I am so ready for the complete transformation into my Light (Free Energy) Body. The last Crimson Circle Shoud for the ALT series really resonated with me in this--I can feel this change imminent and in the very air I breathe....

It was an absolutely beautiful gathering to participate in....except for a few women who I evidently put in place as a means to remind myself what a realized master friend is and isn't.

Masters don't waste my time putting on a show, trying to play the clown (it wasn't funny) while avoiding answering a question she was told she was going to be asked last month, and then stomping off in a drama-queen huff when she was asked several times over to step into her own mastery. Frankly, she needn't return if she continues to refuse to master up. I certainly won't miss her. We could all see right through you--and truly, the only one that mattered that you let down was yourself....

I had a dream about you personally that following night: There you were, sulking and pouting in a corner, as beside me this conscious being--your own soul and divinity--stood  ready to meet you, to take your hand. A putrid, puss-filled,sickly creamy-yellow mass of a river full of clumps of hair and chunks of god knows what began flowing through the room, flooding it floor to ceiling. I felt chunks clunking around in my mouth as we were all immersed in this polluted river of Mass Consciousness. I reached through it, twisted the knob of a door to get out of it, and we passed through free and clear--myself and your soul--but you stayed behind....

All because you were having too much fun pretending to play the role of "I'm a Fighting Victim." You wanted to do that rather than follow your own soul....Your choice. Draw out the old game as long as you want to.

Then there was the woman who identifies with playing in politics. I'm not interested in what you see as your amazing intellect or your political views or opinions. And I'm aware of what they are because you can't seem to shut up about it--for many years now. You're obviously not using your wisdom in this, or you'd see the futility in taking sides in politics in any way, shape or form. Shouds are not a place for the distracting farce of politicians and those sucked into their conspiracy nonsense--that is the sexual energy virus in full force. And you don't use my Shoud--my (and other masters') safe and sacred space as a means for your own misguided agenda. You showed the world what mastery is not about....

As for smart/idiot phones--shut the damn things off, especially when you are in the midst of friends and in a safe and sacred space where you can allow your own soul within to be realized....When you weigh it out, is an interaction on a gadget of more value than fully immersing yourself into your own realization among friends who are energetically, if not also physically, present with you? Are you--are all of us--that unimportant to you?

I've had the realization, in the past month, that I really can't waste time or space....

Time and space are my energies in service to me--I can have an experience of pretending to waste them, but that's all it is--a temporary experience, play-acting that time/space can be wasted here while in a human costume.

So, even those playing the roles of time and energy wasters in the Shoud--your gift in being just as you were--annoying as hell--wasn't actually wasted on me. I got it, thank you very much.... 

Wealth, status, fame--none them matter to me. 

I really don't care to be the star in anyone else's show other than my own. I don't need your money or your kudos. This blog can go on being obscure and read by only a few or no one at all, my name unrecognized. 

I am here shining my own Light, highlighting the very true potentials for all of FREEDOM, of SELF-SOVEREIGNTY. Of other possibilities that can manifest from pure consciousness being received and embraced here and in other realms....that's all that matters to me. That, and experiencing it all for myself firsthand....I'm not waiting for some other master to allow it first....

I have decided that friendships between masters is simply the joy of hanging out together, enjoying food, music, art, playing "Let's Pretend" in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way--and swapping stories, laughing at oneself and the conundrums we brought upon ourselves through the ages....

All the best....always, my friends....even those of you who irritate the hell out of me at times in this play-acting of being human....

Read my earlier post on why it's important to practice stepping up and answering questions like a master instead of saying, "I don't know.":

Saying, "I don't know" Is Copping Out On Yourself

Saying "I don't know" Is Copping Out On Yourself

This particular post has been percolating since last week when my beloved neighbor, who is one of the few to read my blog, told me he wanted to sit down with me sometime so we could more fully discuss how I pick the subject I'm going to write about and how I go about writing it. Now that's a very interesting question:

Snippets come to me throughout my regular daily activities. Ideas occur, and I jot them down on post-its to anchor them, often when I'm doing something mundane like cleaning house--which, frankly, that practice is free to leave anytime. Or maybe I'm in the shower or watering my plants or cooking or baking, or even napping. All of that routine, auto-pilot human stuff, to me, is simply allowing my consciousness/awareness and energies to flow. I'll have a realization that coalesces into a sentence or a theme or a title. Then I often go for walks and the ideas grow in connections based on my own experiences and perceptions.

I have one condition when I write--I have to be honest with myself. It doesn't serve me to do otherwise. I do allow myself to go back and edit to clarify ideas--I think it's important to give myself that allowance. Usually, I'm feeling the nudge to just publish it and get it over with, and the moment or sometimes days or years after I hit that publish button I'll see something that needs a bit of tweaking. Hey, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want to with it.

Shortly after we parted, my friend's question caused me to realize that I'm practicing writing the fact that I know all the answers to any of my questions better than anyone outside of me.

Answering "I don't know" in a Crimson Circle Shoud will get you banned to the bathroom.

When Ascended Master, Tobias, sent out the call and began gathering world-weary, misfit-feeling Shaumbra together in these meetings called Shouds, the first part of the monthly meeting was a channel by Tobias, followed by a Q&A session where the audience could ask Tobias questions. 

I resonated with Crimson Circle the most because I would have my own personal experience and realization that would then be matched in the following Shoud with the subject matter covered by Tobias. I even discovered it had been happening prior to my knowledge of the existence of this group, when I went back into their archives and saw that Tobias, back in August of 2003, was saying, "Get that man off the cross (referring to Jesus)." I'd had that very same realization in August of 2003, about "suffering savior Jesus" on my drive home from Minneapolis to spend my last days and moments with my dad. What happened with my dad was an experience that shifted my self-awareness to a much more expanded plane--an ascended consciousness.

Dear Tobias established a safe and sacred--a soft--space in which to rest and regroup and get some clarity. Then he left in order to reincarnate here in order to have the experience of being an embodied master, and Adamus St-Germain took his place. 

Our beloved Adamus has proven to be a whole other character, and his mission has been to get us to step up and into our own sovereignty and mastery, independent of him or anyone else outside of oneself. His idea of Q&A is for him to ask the questions and the audience has to provide the answer. Any answer is acceptable except "I don't know." That'll get you sent to the bathroom to feel into and contemplate your faux pas....

Evidently, Adamus has rubbed off on me. Nothing ticks me off more than when asking someone playing victim to someone else or some disease or other why they think they gave themselves such an experience, and they answer with a deer-in-the-headlights look, "I don't know." 

I can actually see they do know.... and that they want to keep their story going because they're simply having fun with it. It's neither here nor there what anyone chooses....and....I'm clear that I don't have to play any story out with anyone that I don't want to mess about with.

Authentic or hoax? And does it matter to me?

I was recently invited to have a chat with someone totally outside my sphere of experience. I honestly am not sure if it was authentically the person I was led to believe it was or if it was a hoax. There's a 99.9 percent probability it was a hoax, and for a few moments last night, the very understandably human facet of me wondered what I'd let myself in for....and....

Then I remembered everything in my life--it's all me, my own energies in service to my own soul. No one and nothing can actually harm me as long as I keep my guard down, relax, and let my energies flow....and this has made me smile and laugh, and it's a great state to be in....I'm playing a new way and having fun....

I felt my wisdom--the master within me--step to the forefront in our conversation. There was no self-doubt.

Regardless of whomever it was interacting with me, I had a grand old time expressing my gratitude for their service and answering their questions. The questions were meaningful in that they allowed me to express my highest thoughts, greatest concerns, and desires for this planet and our beloved humanity, of which each person is a sovereign creator in his/her own right. I realized no matter whom I was talking to, I was actively placing the concepts of true inherent freedom and self-sovereignty into the consciousness I was radiating out into my world. It's the same thing I'm doing here, just in another form. 

Thanks, Adamus, for reminding me over and over that I do know the answers. I realized just yesterday that practicing not being sent to the bathroom during a Shoud had me stepping into acting the role of the master that I am rather than the little lowly human act I had going for most of my past.

It was an opportunity I was grateful for in another way. I realized none of this is about having fame or amassing a great fortune for myself. Abundance, to me, means enjoying my life without restrictions or limitations on myself., and I know I'm not going to do any harm in the process. I have stories and music to write, and films to manifest, and I would love to collaborate with others of like heart to create something that's massively fun, elegant, and grand. 

In fact, I started the stories a few years back but set them aside until I felt them flow from me more easily--not because of needing financing or any business concerns first. Ideas were coming in--but in a new quantum way--and that kind of blows one's mind for a bit because it felt rather chaotic, all over the map. 

I know it's all right here, finished and manifested....so I'm relaxing....I KNOW it all comes to me at the most synchronistic time....

I also realized I have no expected outcome of the interaction I had with the individual this past weekend. It doesn't matter if there are any because it feels like I already received its gift.

So, my utmost thanks to the person who reached out to connect with me this past weekend--you gifted me more profoundly than either of us probably realized at the time....no matter who you truly are, or even whether your intentions were naughty or nice....You gave me the chance to express that I do know my own answers....and to stand tall and firm with them....

This blog has basically been my way of practicing, over and over, the inherent fact that I DO KNOW all I need to know FOR MYSELF in the moment at hand....

and so do any and all of you....

There's a New Act in Town: Self-Sovereignty

Here's the deal: We've all played the Power Game roles involved with Survival of the Fittest. Ad Nauseum, for me. You have the good guys/gals vs. the bad, and always in the mix is a victim at the mercy of some villain or disease or addiction. 

It basically boils down to some fight or struggle with your outer world--and that's simply just a reflection of the struggle going on within you, created due to suggestions about life that you've made your own truths. 

We are all sovereign creators of our own life experiences. We have been all along. We just were unaware of that fact for eons of time here. And enough people awakened from the hypnosis around the same time that it pierced an opening in the Veil of Forgetting (aka, the Apocalypse) so that, for those who truly desire it, everyone has access to a conscious relationship with their own soul--their own divine self--while still in human form. No more need to search for god.

When I was growing up we played Cowboys and Indians--how could you not when John Wayne was on the movie screen, larger than life? We carried pop guns, and then BB guns when we were older--and it was drilled into us that you never pointed an actual gun at anyone, loaded or unloaded. 

Wayne's characters stood for all the goodness in the world, yet he played being a gruff, blunt man who spanked his wife (in McKlintock) and often drank too much. It was funny at the time, and funny now, but I have a feeling the PC Police these days would have someone in handcuffs for even writing up such a scene. We humans seriously need to laugh at ourselves more.

I appreciate the rise in the Divine Feminine in consciousness as much as the next person....and....rather than allowing it to balance out in partnership with the Divine Masculine, there are those who want to make women the rulers of the world--like women have all the answers and are the better gender. 

I'm sick of that bullshit. Women are not meant to do everything that men do better--nor vice versa. They each bring important values to the whole--it's why we have a two-lobed brain that works best when each half is doing what it does best. 

The latest transgender trend is appalling--promoting massive manipulation of hormones through chemical means, plus surgeries so awful it's mind boggling. Then top it off with doing it to children....

The whole point of parenting is to be an-all-accepting, boundary-setting guide until the child is fully rounded enough to live on their own, take responsibility for their own lives and make decisions from their own experiences and maturity and conscious awareness of themselves. Who the hell traumatizes their own, or any other child, with the emotionally, spiritually and physically drastic measures involved with gender reassignment? Why is this even an issue in human consciousness? It's bizarre....it's mentally insane....it's Dark Age-like torture....

As for the Indians--Native Americans--I always liked them, too. When we played "Let's Pretend," it didn't matter if I was the cowgirl or the Indian. I have some American Indian in my ancestry and have always been proud of that, along with being Finnish, English, Irish--maybe even some German and Mongolian. 

I also love having been born in America, a descendant of immigrants on both sides who lawfully came here and chose to get along with their neighbors from other places around the world. They learned to speak the common American English language in order to communicate with one another more clearly. They moved to this Self-sovereignty-founded country in order to simply live more freely and have more opportunity than they could in the countries from whence they came. Yes, there was fighting among the various cultures at first mostly because of fear of their differences, the unknown--but it gradually faded out. 

My grandfather, my mom's dad, emigrated from Finland when he was just 16 years old, worked the gold and copper mines, and through the Railroad Act, started a ranch out in the middle of nowhere with an extreme climate--no trees, just a couple of buttes called the Deer's Ears. My mom grew up in a two-room shack and started school at the age of three because her aunt was the teacher at the country school a quarter mile away. 

Anyhow--I got off on a tangent that evidently I had to get out of my system. The whole transgender, race, and social justice crap out in mass consciousness is truly "out there," and frankly, I'd like to see some new headlines and take part in some really interesting conversations rather than reading and hearing people spout out hatred and argument for argument's sake on social media. People often are saying things to one another on those platforms that they wouldn't have the heart to say, one-to-one, in person. It's just escalated yelling with nobody actually listening to what the other has to say.

There's a New Game in Town....

Dump all those troubled roles of being a victim of some god, villain, disaster, addiction or disease. Assume the role of being the master creator sovereign of every aspect of your own life--past, present and future. 

You can still dabble, if you choose to, in those old roles and stories that you're enjoying playing on some level yet....and....with the conscious awareness that you put it in your own life simply because you wanted to more sensually understand it, I can tell you from my own experiences, that life starts flowing more gracefully and with more gratitude for all the parts played, for me and by me. 

I no longer feel stuck in anything. I can be angry and happy and disgusted. I can play the fool and also be smart. I am free to pretty much feel how I authentically feel in the moment....and....because I KNOW I really am okay--we're all okay--life just flows....

I can change course or leave any story at any time....I am free and the sovereign creator of my own life.

I dare you to practice--not just try--it out....throw yourself into the role of acting out being the Sovereign Creator and Experiencer and Wiseperson of your own life--nobody else's. What have you got to lose if you're feeling miserable, and not liking it, in what you're currently play-acting out in the Old Game? Own your freedom to be--deep breaths in and deep breaths out-- regardless of what your outer world circumstances may be. Act out being the beginning- and end-all Soul ruler of You like your life depends on it....and....see how you like what unfolds....

Consciousness Explained: Once upon a time there was this duck....

 A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and asks the bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender, shaking his head in derision replies, "No, ye daft bird! This is a bar! Your choices are beer, wine or liquor."

Disappointed, the duck leaves.

The next day he returns, waddles up to the bar, plops up on the stool and when the bartender asks, "What'll ya have?" The duck asks, "Got a gwape?"

The bartender gets really ticked off, "I told you, no, I don't serve grapes. Now, get the hell out of here, and if you come back here again asking for grapes I'm gonna grab a hammer and nail that beak of yours to the bar!"

The third day, the duck is back and on his usual perch. When the bartender asks, "What'll ya have? And it better not be grapes..." the Duck enquires, "Got a nail?"

Taken aback, the bartender concedes, "No."

"Got a hammer?"

"No."

"In that case," says the duck, "Got any gwapes?"

Ducks and consciousness and awakening

What if after a lifetime of waddling around quacking and flapping like a duck--and bored with the whole thing--in a sudden fit of rebellion you belly up to the bar and ask for a "gwape?" No processing, no additives, just a straight-up, simple piece of natural fruit straight off the vine. Juicy, delicious, satisfying all in itself....but to the world around you, it seems like you threw a wrench into the works.

In that single moment, a lightbulb turns on and you get this warm and tingly feeling spreading outward from your heart to the very tips of your head, fingers, toes and beyond...."I'm no duck!" you declare. "I may be ducky and all that, but I JUST KNOW I'm so much more than the old act I've had going of trying to be the best, brightest, biggest, most beautiful or handsome duck on this pond!"

And from that moment on, all that matters to you is discovering what that "more thing" is. You research the hell out of it, pay for all kinds of classes on the subject, and try practicing all kinds of rituals, rites and disciplines with other like-minded ducks. They are fun for a minute, because it's always a joy to know you're not all alone. But you never ever really arrive at the more you just knew you were. 

So, time passes as you try out all these tangents like:

Maybe I need to waddle my 10,000 steps a day a little faster, kneel more (not easy for a duck) and pray a lot.

Maybe I need to practice quacking these tones and hold these specific poses while I salute the Master Quacker/(fill in this blank with your latest authoritative deity). 

Maybe I should try out DA (Ducks Anonymous) and talk about what a disappointment I am and how I'll probably screw up again tomorrow if someone tempts me with a malt duck fizzy and I fall off the wagon and lose my badge of "30 Days Ducky."

Maybe I should go on a diet--give up fish and eat moss so I'm shinier. Am I shinier? I think I AM shinier....Just look at my golden bill!

Wow! I've got the answer! And now I can teach others how to be more using my method, which I'd better patent because I'll make a whole lot of bills helping others....

Why aren't all the "Atta-duck" pats on my back from the rest of the flock ever enough?

And one day it dawns, "Regardless of the pond size and whether I'm playing the role of  Lord-of-the-Pond Duck or Insignificant Peon Fish-Fetcher, I'm still a dam duck doing the same old things, just with a slightly different swim stroke."--You know the old adage: different strokes for different folks. 

So you give up, waddle around the pond a bit all by yourself, reflecting and reminiscing and sometimes bawling, sometimes laughing at your ducky antics....and coming to the realization  that maybe I need to just quit swimming upstream against the current and instead float, bob along with the ripples, go with the flow, take time to more sensually feel into myself and the world around me....yeah....I'll just enjoy myself and get serious about no longer taking myself so seriously.....

Sometimes I quack myself up....

That is consciousness and awakening and realization all summed up. I credit my brother, Steve, with this post. The duck joke was one of his favorites to tell. He crossed over the Veil back in 2016, so while I talk to him using my words, he communicates with me in a more subtle way. I can't even explain it really. I just know when he's in my awareness.

Anyway, Steve and I both experienced that awakening to whom we really are and we both tried out all the tangents in our search for that illusive-seeming god, who actually resides within every human being. It's all within you, me--that awareness that breathes "I exist! I am that I am!"

Assume your own soul and wisdom is right here within and with you in every breath in and out....and have a great laugh at all life as a duck has to offer....

The Final Death Throes of My Identity

Back in the early days, when Tobias was the ascended master being channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe (crimsoncircle.com), he told us we would eventually let go of our entire identity. An ascended master is simply a human who naturally awakened from his/her limited consciousness and realized the Divine souled being he truly was while he was still alive on Earth. Every souled being will have this realization at some point in one of their many lifetime sojourns of playing out being a limited human on planet Earth. Now that the Veil has been cracked open (The Apocalypse, March 22, 2023) there will be far more ascended masters than ever before in the history of the planet.

Tobias said that while releasing one's identity sounded simple and straightforward, we would each find that there were parts that were easier to toss away than others. That we'd find ourselves wanting to hang onto some things, but ultimately everything had to go.

That message resonated deeply with me, and right away, I began to try to get rid of my cumbersome-feeling human. I was so hard on her, as all the writing in this blog will attest to....

I'm sure Tobias also mentioned that releasing an entire identity, not to mention every identity and aspect my soul had created and ever played in and with, was a feat the human facet was not equipped or ever meant to do. That was the soul's and its wisdom's area of expertise. But you know, it's terrifying when you face the idea of having everything you believe yourself to be--especially the parts you love--being ripped away from you, even if it's your own soul doing it. 

So, I tried to head it off at the pass and rip off the Band Aid myself--be the one to throw it away first--in hopes that it wouldn't hurt as much as having someone or something else wrench it away. I tried to step back and to harden myself into not feeling hurt and vulnerable: "Get over it! Put on those big-girl panties, Pen! YOU KNOW you know better than to let it all get to you...."

We humans have been through a whole lot of sacrifice and struggle and pain these many lifetimes. It's not easy believing you're just a Little Human trying to survive in an often scary, sometimes awesome, sometimes cruel world. It's only natural to try to limit the amount of pain and suffering. It's only human to want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible....yet it's been decades....

It's Molting Season for me: I'm shedding the good and beautiful as well as the bad and ugly....

so I'm feeling both Blue and Golden....

These past few months since the Apocalypse I've been experiencing wincing waves of grief passing through me. I don't actually cry--sometimes I think that would help--but it's uncomfortable when it hits, and I find myself wanting to just lie down, sleep, and hide away from interacting with others.

I've noticed this grief hits even when I'm doing something I used to enjoy doing because in the past it helped me flow consciousness. This morning I was watering my flower gardens and looking at a lawn that was pretty much dormant already in the beginning of July, and I just felt overwhelmed with all the physical work surrounding something I used to love doing. Most of it looks just fine, but here and there some flower just shrivels up and dies, even after I move it or give it a little extra attention. 

I feel unshed tears and heart-deep sadness at the struggle of trying to maintain a healthy world of plants, trees and yard in the midst of drought, disease, and a cottonwood tree that just litters the lawn with dead-looking animal corpses of cotton that dry up whatever it comes in contact with even faster. I'm sick and tired of picking up the sticky crap from out of my beds and shrubs. It falls faster than I can pick it up. Before that, it was the stick-'ems from the trees budding out in the spring. Every year that stuff sticks to everything--my cats' paws, my feet....I'm still breathing, allowing and feeling through this wave of grief....

Actually, none of this is new story. It's the same old fight and struggle, just a different year. Only now I'm tired of fighting or messing about with all of it. All around me things are dying, and in a way, I am, too....I even feel and see it in my body....and it just doesn't matter....I give up....

And then there's the anger--most of it directed at myself for having allowed myself to be treated and ignored the way I was for so long, most likely for even more than this one lifetime. Let's face it, I was an oddity to the rest of the world around me. Many people pretty much felt safe with me because I was attuned to their feelings and I wasn't ever out to hurt anyone. Some others who had some larger protective egos didn't much like me, didn't know what to do with me, often sought to control me--and sometimes (actually, all too-often) I let them....

I let others plant all kinds of opinions and ideas with me that had me doubting myself at every turn....

So, yeah, I've had a whole lot of anger flowing to the surface lately, but it's okay--I'm okay because I'm no longer trying to handle it and keep it curbed. I let it flow through and away, allowing myself to finally authentically, sensually, hands-off experience it in my safe and sacred space of Me, My Soul and I....

"Just Breathe, Allow, Receive, Flow...."

BARF. How's that for an acronym? Ha! Those were the gems of wisdom Adamus St-Germain shared with us in the July, 2023 shoud of Crimson Circle. And I'm finding them a very helpful tool during this time....

Life is quiet and I'm grateful for that. I can't imagine going through this with anything more on my plate. I am finding myself less and less attached to being Penny and the roles I've been accustomed to playing: wife, sister, aunt, peace-keeper, caretaker, gardener, American, North Dakotan, problem-solver, to name a few. I'm not having to throw it away either. It's naturally fizzling out on its own, and I've noticed it goes better when I just stay out of the way. My only job is to experience it. How I am or what others might think of me no longer matters. It feels a lot like those last weeks with my dad when I realized it all was just a lot of stories I was tired of playing out anymore....

Lately I've been noticing I'm no longer defining myself as being any which way. That I don't even want to....I'm enjoying the freedom of finally just letting go and letting me BE, identity-free....

I don't have to be anything for anybody, not even me....  

From the Little Human In the Mirror To Embodied Master

I wasn't going to write anymore posts, but I've had a profoundly helpful realization for myself on the subject of releasing old stories, identity and physical issues. So I'm adding onto this past post.

To take the oomph out of all the blemishes and scars and out-of-balance and alignment issues I see when I look in the mirror, I realized I can just view my entire physical body as costuming and makeup that matches my old Little Human narrative of what, who and how I am. That's all it is--costuming and makeup. And my outer world is all props and scenery that match my Little Human stories as well. 

It's that Little Human who didn't remember that she's truly a divine being pretending to be a Little Human at the whim and mercy of a volatile and often hard-to-understand world where the rules seem to change on a dime, no matter how old and smart and wise you get. No matter how much you think you have it figured out and know how to navigate it. 

And with the AI technology things are changing faster than ever before--and for those of us who remember life without computers in our daily lives, it feels even more daunting and overwhelming at times. Sometimes I still question whether or not I want to stay--you know, there are those days and moments....And then I take a few good deep breaths and remember that I signed up to be here, and there was no way I was going to miss out on this epic time in the history of humanity on this beloved planet.

When I look into the mirror and see makeup and costuming, and props and scenery matching the narrative I have about what, who and how I am, what my circumstances are, then I realize I don't have to figure out how to fix any issues I don't like. I don't have to manipulate anything. I breathe easier. I'm relaxed....

As the source and creator center of my reality, I just change my narrative from that of being an unawakened Little Human victim of my world to being an embodied master. If it's in my life, I put it there, and I'm the only one that can release it from my life....And with that new emanation, my costume and makeup and props and scenery rearrange themselves to match that choice....no more futzing and dinking around with myself....

I am an embodied master....and I allow my energies--my experienced reality--to match that with every breath I breathe....

Remembering: Free of Self-Doubt At Last....

 "I find myself just wanting to bless everyone, everything..."

Yeah--that wasn't me up above. That was some other Shaumbra, and, frankly, I was listening from a rather cynical point of view. I'd been blessing everyone, alright. It was more like the southern lady who is a bit ticked off--more like royally pissed--at someone and saying, "Well, bless your heart!"

First off--I KNOW this is all just a "Let's Pretend We're Just Little Humans" game. I want to be clear on that. And no one, absolutely no one, needs my blessing or anyone else's. We're all sovereign divine souls having experiences we each create in a costume called the Human Being.

How gracious is your life?

Actually, my life is pretty okay. There are traumas and dramas happening around me and in the news....and I find I'm pretty disconnected from it, other than to shake my head at the stupidity of some deep-asleep mentally off-their-rockers humans at times....They may be having fun playing out their shit,....and....I'm just in a place of having no tolerance for any of it anymore....Fuck that shit! I'm all done playing that old game....and get the hell out of my domain!!!

Memories from the corners of my mind--misty, water-colored  memories of the way we were....

I've been remembering moments throughout my life lately--and I've been feeling anger--not the warm and fuzzies I'd hoped for--burning through to the surface. It feels like it's an entire lifetime of rage that's been shoved down deep into my very cells--frustration at having been taken for granted, not listened to, ridiculed, shamed, seen only when it was convenient and for the benefit of someone else. 

And the worst of it all--there was that self doubt that kept me crippled within a reality I had, at the time, unknowingly created for myself. On some level, I knew I was responsible for all of it, but I didn't know how to uncreate it from my Human facet. That part of me--who was only ever meant to be the Experiencer for my soul--just didn't have the tools and understandings I needed....

Ever since Heavens' Cross, aka the Apocalypse, it seems I've realized I'm now in a safe space to feel the stuff I wouldn't allow myself to completely acknowledge before. That it doesn't matter how pissed off I may be because this is my reality, my own experience--and most importantly, I wasn't going to harm anyone or myself. Offend someone? Probably.

Through the years, I had tempered my angry side by reminding myself that I volunteered to come here to Earth to go through all this--that there was no one to blame but myself. It did help me to maintain a balance that I much-needed to stay here to do the work I had come to take part in, which was in helping to slowly crack open the lid of this very limited, All-alone Little Human just trying to survive reality box.

The Observer in me has been a bit taken aback at my unleashed vehemence these last several weeks since the opening. I'll tell myself to just let that shit go, and I actually do that for a bit, and then a thought or event triggers it, and off I go again....

And....I realize that anger, regardless of whether I do or don't express it outwardly, is helping me to establish boundaries and keep out of playing games I really no longer desire to take part in. I'm not harming anybody, and I'm not on a rampage going around telling people off here and there--at least, most of the time I'm not. 

I find I just frankly don't care about people's trauma-dramas anymore. They are enjoying the hell out of them, but I don't need to pretend it matters to me. They are divine sovereign individuals having fun pretending to be Little Humans. Usually, I'm out on my daily walk or putzing in our yard, and stuff just flows on through, pretty much as it's supposed to. It's just rather new--not feeling I have to monitor and keep such tight control of myself.

As for the memories--I realized this morning that I'm finally on my side in them, whereas I wasn't in the past. I'm finally seeing clearly who I was and the energies and limited consciousness I was dealing with in the past. I have never been out to hurt anyone or anything. I wanted to be a benevolent contributor to my world--always....

This morning I realized the Self-Doubter in me is finally put to rest--she's dead and gone, and it's about time....