Back in the early days, when Tobias was the ascended master being channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe (crimsoncircle.com), he told us we would eventually let go of our entire identity. An ascended master is simply a human who naturally awakened from his/her limited consciousness and realized the Divine souled being he truly was while he was still alive on Earth. Every souled being will have this realization at some point in one of their many lifetime sojourns of playing out being a limited human on planet Earth. Now that the Veil has been cracked open (The Apocalypse, March 22, 2023) there will be far more ascended masters than ever before in the history of the planet.
Tobias said that while releasing one's identity sounded simple and straightforward, we would each find that there were parts that were easier to toss away than others. That we'd find ourselves wanting to hang onto some things, but ultimately everything had to go.
That message resonated deeply with me, and right away, I began to try to get rid of my cumbersome-feeling human. I was so hard on her, as all the writing in this blog will attest to....
I'm sure Tobias also mentioned that releasing an entire identity, not to mention every identity and aspect my soul had created and ever played in and with, was a feat the human facet was not equipped or ever meant to do. That was the soul's and its wisdom's area of expertise. But you know, it's terrifying when you face the idea of having everything you believe yourself to be--especially the parts you love--being ripped away from you, even if it's your own soul doing it.
So, I tried to head it off at the pass and rip off the Band Aid myself--be the one to throw it away first--in hopes that it wouldn't hurt as much as having someone or something else wrench it away. I tried to step back and to harden myself into not feeling hurt and vulnerable: "Get over it! Put on those big-girl panties, Pen! YOU KNOW you know better than to let it all get to you...."
We humans have been through a whole lot of sacrifice and struggle and pain these many lifetimes. It's not easy believing you're just a Little Human trying to survive in an often scary, sometimes awesome, sometimes cruel world. It's only natural to try to limit the amount of pain and suffering. It's only human to want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible....yet it's been decades....
It's Molting Season for me: I'm shedding the good and beautiful as well as the bad and ugly....
so I'm feeling both Blue and Golden....
These past few months since the Apocalypse I've been experiencing wincing waves of grief passing through me. I don't actually cry--sometimes I think that would help--but it's uncomfortable when it hits, and I find myself wanting to just lie down, sleep, and hide away from interacting with others.
I've noticed this grief hits even when I'm doing something I used to enjoy doing because in the past it helped me flow consciousness. This morning I was watering my flower gardens and looking at a lawn that was pretty much dormant already in the beginning of July, and I just felt overwhelmed with all the physical work surrounding something I used to love doing. Most of it looks just fine, but here and there some flower just shrivels up and dies, even after I move it or give it a little extra attention.
I feel unshed tears and heart-deep sadness at the struggle of trying to maintain a healthy world of plants, trees and yard in the midst of drought, disease, and a cottonwood tree that just litters the lawn with dead-looking animal corpses of cotton that dry up whatever it comes in contact with even faster. I'm sick and tired of picking up the sticky crap from out of my beds and shrubs. It falls faster than I can pick it up. Before that, it was the stick-'ems from the trees budding out in the spring. Every year that stuff sticks to everything--my cats' paws, my feet....I'm still breathing, allowing and feeling through this wave of grief....
Actually, none of this is new story. It's the same old fight and struggle, just a different year. Only now I'm tired of fighting or messing about with all of it. All around me things are dying, and in a way, I am, too....I even feel and see it in my body....and it just doesn't matter....I give up....
And then there's the anger--most of it directed at myself for having allowed myself to be treated and ignored the way I was for so long, most likely for even more than this one lifetime. Let's face it, I was an oddity to the rest of the world around me. Many people pretty much felt safe with me because I was attuned to their feelings and I wasn't ever out to hurt anyone. Some others who had some larger protective egos didn't much like me, didn't know what to do with me, often sought to control me--and sometimes (actually, all too-often) I let them....
I let others plant all kinds of opinions and ideas with me that had me doubting myself at every turn....
So, yeah, I've had a whole lot of anger flowing to the surface lately, but it's okay--I'm okay because I'm no longer trying to handle it and keep it curbed. I let it flow through and away, allowing myself to finally authentically, sensually, hands-off experience it in my safe and sacred space of Me, My Soul and I....
"Just Breathe, Allow, Receive, Flow...."
BARF. How's that for an acronym? Ha! Those were the gems of wisdom Adamus St-Germain shared with us in the July, 2023 shoud of Crimson Circle. And I'm finding them a very helpful tool during this time....
Life is quiet and I'm grateful for that. I can't imagine going through this with anything more on my plate. I am finding myself less and less attached to being Penny and the roles I've been accustomed to playing: wife, sister, aunt, peace-keeper, caretaker, gardener, American, North Dakotan, problem-solver, to name a few. I'm not having to throw it away either. It's naturally fizzling out on its own, and I've noticed it goes better when I just stay out of the way. My only job is to experience it. How I am or what others might think of me no longer matters. It feels a lot like those last weeks with my dad when I realized it all was just a lot of stories I was tired of playing out anymore....
Lately I've been noticing I'm no longer defining myself as being any which way. That I don't even want to....I'm enjoying the freedom of finally just letting go and letting me BE, identity-free....
I don't have to be anything for anybody, not even me....
From the Little Human In the Mirror To Embodied Master
I wasn't going to write anymore posts, but I've had a profoundly helpful realization for myself on the subject of releasing old stories, identity and physical issues. So I'm adding onto this past post.
To take the oomph out of all the blemishes and scars and out-of-balance and alignment issues I see when I look in the mirror, I realized I can just view my entire physical body as costuming and makeup that matches my old Little Human narrative of what, who and how I am. That's all it is--costuming and makeup. And my outer world is all props and scenery that match my Little Human stories as well.
It's that Little Human who didn't remember that she's truly a divine being pretending to be a Little Human at the whim and mercy of a volatile and often hard-to-understand world where the rules seem to change on a dime, no matter how old and smart and wise you get. No matter how much you think you have it figured out and know how to navigate it.
And with the AI technology things are changing faster than ever before--and for those of us who remember life without computers in our daily lives, it feels even more daunting and overwhelming at times. Sometimes I still question whether or not I want to stay--you know, there are those days and moments....And then I take a few good deep breaths and remember that I signed up to be here, and there was no way I was going to miss out on this epic time in the history of humanity on this beloved planet.
When I look into the mirror and see makeup and costuming, and props and scenery matching the narrative I have about what, who and how I am, what my circumstances are, then I realize I don't have to figure out how to fix any issues I don't like. I don't have to manipulate anything. I breathe easier. I'm relaxed....
As the source and creator center of my reality, I just change my narrative from that of being an unawakened Little Human victim of my world to being an embodied master. If it's in my life, I put it there, and I'm the only one that can release it from my life....And with that new emanation, my costume and makeup and props and scenery rearrange themselves to match that choice....no more futzing and dinking around with myself....
I am an embodied master....and I allow my energies--my experienced reality--to match that with every breath I breathe....
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