Wake Up, Villain! I Know That's NOT the REAL YOU.... Part 1

Our Earthly history is rife with stories of the fall of humanity from grace with its battles of evil versus good, with hierarchies of authority--both human and spiritual--and with saints of suffering, sacrifice and ultimately, martyrdom.... 

And.... 

there was something inside of me that never resonated with this extremely polar, black and white perception.... I always felt within that there was SO MUCH MORE to each and all of us and our purpose for being here on this planet. One of the verses in the Holy Bible, "Those who come first shall be last, and those who come last shall be first." seemed to say to me that all of us humans are created equal, and the multitudes of roles we each play throughout our lives are important to the whole, whether we play the role of awakened master or deep-asleep-to-whom-we-truly-are Victim or Villain. For through the TEMPORARY enactment of all of these qualities we each gain wisdom for our own souls and for the whole of Creation and its ultimate Eternal One Source....

In other words, we get to know and understand our selves while playing a "Let's Pretend" game where we don various human costumes with limited life spans so as to be able to experience different identities in a place where no one and nothing is permanent. Basically, I mean that no one is ever truly, eternally lost....

Of course, this is a pretty rebellious and revolutionary way to view humanity, and for most of my life I didn't quite have the words to express it, nor the courage to just say it like I perceived it, people-pleaser that I was. Ha! You see, I grew up in a predominantly Christian-practicing community though I wasn't raised in any religion--my parents were open-hearted that way. My mom's dad left Finland at the age of sixteen and part of his reason for doing so at the time was to have religious freedom. My dad's mother was Presbyterian and his father was Catholic, so they chose to give their children the freedom to choose their own religious belief. That was very open thinking for their era--the early nineteen hundreds. In my own personal memories, it was still as late as the 1970s that it was a huge thing for a Catholic to marry a Lutheran--both Christian religions, mind you.

The "Born in Sin" Belief System

I've had this as a recurring theme throughout my entire life: "Bad human! You're a bad, bad human!"

I finally found myself addressing this belief system up close and personal only a few months back. A long-time friend played the superstitious,judgmental, religious bully for me--a villain type role. I was informed that the "Word of God" Holy Bible (their version of it which was the only right interpretation of it, of course) stated that the hearts of men were wicked. And the only way out of that jail cell was by accepting that Jesus (the only son of "God") was nailed on a cross as a sacrifice for their salvation. You had to accept his martyrdom as your only free pass from a Pit of Eternal Burning Hell destination. This was assured to happen after you die, of course. Never mind about how you're living here and now.

In their eyes, we humans are nothing but sorry-assed worthless pieces of sinning shit--from birth. We are to unquestioningly worship and obey a judging, sometimes even angry, wrathful god without hope of knowing that authority personally. We're called God's children, but frankly, who wants a parent telling you how to be without including the why? Aren't we supposed to be learning stuff? And without the reasoning behind the guidance, how are we to learn?

How dare you to have the balls to question his ways and reasonings! Much less ask if there is a greater purpose in the human condition being as it is. Like, "Why do bad things happen to good, kind people?" Never mind that I stated that I loved Jesus/Yeshua's messages and that I'd felt connected with him from a very young age. None of that mattered to them.

Yeah, I got me some scriptures quoted at me and informed that they would pray for me, the obstinate heathen who refused to accept their perspective as my own truth. Heaven forbid, I have the courage to ask a few questions! Heaven forbid, that I had some other ideas due to my own personal experiences and deep inner reflections as a human seeking real, reasonable, loving answers.... resolutions where absolutely no one is a lost cause.... including and especially me!

I realized afterward the gift that this exchange with my friends revealed, was that slapping ol' Jesus up on that cross gave them the freedom to keep doing mean and wicked things! They didn't have to take responsibility for their actions. "Hey! That's just who and how we icky humans are." They could escape delving deeper into themselves. They didn't have to open up and contemplate doing things differently. Jesus had 'em covered--even in their petty and cruel self-righteousness. 

They could keep being bullies and forcing their ideas on someone else and not be open to hearing the other person's experiences and perspectives. They were the ones who asked me about my views and beliefs in the first place! And they didn't do so in order to seek a common ground with me. They did it to try and prove to themselves and their kids, whom we all held dear, that they were better than me. 

This was after fifteen years of friendship in which I kept my mouth shut and allowed and honored them their own path--and I still did that with them throughout this conversation. You see, I recognized their path, though different than my own, was just as important as mine, and I was celebrating that as well as the many things we did have in common. But they obviously weren't in a place to reciprocate that.... and so, after telling them this later, after the fact of this horrible exchange and away from their kids, I told them that the way they treated me was unacceptable and that I chose to disconnect from them. While I loved them and wished them the best, it was time to go our separate ways, for now....

While this was an awful experience, they played a part that got me writing about this topic of the villain, and for that I am grateful. Someone had to play this part for me.... and.... I need to express my own truth about this stuff. It's time....

Only one lifetime to get 'er done right?.... 

or.... 

Many lifetimes of experiences and identities to get the height and depth and breadth and width of all that we each are? 

Which one seems more rational and reasonable and loving to you? Back in the nineties, I was asking myself this question and reading books on past lives and near death experiences. It made sense that we lived more than one life, especially in the case of children who died--that just didn't seem like enough experience for a soul. I even found the Christian Bible had alluded to the idea of living more than one life, but of course, if you allow that to be considered, much less studied, you may lose control of your followers. Or not. You might gain many more by helping to set them free of an identity that may be guilt-ridden and hopeless. 

One recent Christian totally blew me off when I even mentioned the idea that a woman she'd always loved and felt a close connection with was probably someone very dear to her in another lifetime. "I don't believe that." So, that was it for that exchange of ideas. Ah, well....

Karma or Divine Agreements

Viewing my villains as someone I probably played the part of villain for in another lifetime takes the oomph out of our whole sordid interaction. Seeing an interaction from the viewpoint that either it's a balancing act of karma or that we'd had an agreement on the other side of the Veil before being born means I can't keep poking my finger at someone outside of me. The finger always points back at me when it's all said and done. I have to open up and seek an actual true resolution--an end to it--instead of blaming someone else and continuing the cycle.

What Gift are you bearing me?

The "Conversations with God" books by Neale Donald Walsh introduced me to this perspective and it resonated so deeply that I've constantly practiced applying it, especially when an interaction with someone caused a feeling of unease within me.

We humans have a tendency to look at others and automatically think, "What can I do for you?" or "What do you want from me?"

But this perspective: "What gift are you bearing me?" has everyone and everything in my energy field acting out something for me, by being exactly as they are in the moment at hand.

The Bully Villain comes in many forms from the religious bully to the human forcing others to "legally" play in their silly "I'm a furbie" or "I'm a Pronoun" identity games. 

Whatever its form, to me it's a type of rape--forcing oneself and your own ideas--upon another. They are energy-feeding power games. It's looking outside of yourself for validation and acceptance at the expense of someone else--and, ultimately, at the expense of yourself. Whatever I put out returns home to me.

I'm all for using your imaginations and pretending to be someone or something other than you--that's a tremendous gift in this life which allows us to open up beyond our Little Human identities and viewpoints. But using courts of law to force others to play with you, not honoring the freedom and sovereignty of your fellow human beings--you've taken the joy and innocence of it and made it rotten and sinister.

Whenever I feel into the core energy of a Villain/Bully, I always sense that the person is wrestling with Self-Worthlessness, ironic as that may seem....

I have found that the more over-blown the ego, the more unworthy-feeling the person is. They are using it as protective armor to try to cope with feeling so vulnerable, so icky.

When we humans perceive ourselves as unworthy of existing at the core, we often have a tendency to go either of two polar ways:

We either say, "Eff it! I give up trying to be any better when no one sees me as anything but a villain!" and we play out being evil to the hilt. 

Or we bend over backwards trying to please people through self-sacrifice and suffering and martyrdom in order to try to appear to be more perfect, more worthy of existing.

But there is another option where you shift perspective and look at our human facet as being the courageous Experiencer for our divinity of all of its own creations--whether they be good, bad, beautiful or ugly. That maybe we humans were created for a good purpose. 

I'm never at peace if I'm hating someone....

While I may hate someone's behavior, I find I have a tendency to look deeper. I know there is goodness at the heart of everyone no matter how evil they appear to me in a moment of human time. It may appear naive to do so, like I'm setting myself up to be betrayed; but I've come to the conclusion that if an individual does betray my trust in them then that responsibility lies with them. They have to live with that, not me. I choose to disconnect and move on with my own life. I know there is a gift for me in our exchange happening just as it did and the understanding of what it is will come to me, but I don't have to continue to interact with someone in an unpleasant situation. Love lets us all go....

From the first moment of our meeting I could feel my religious friend feeling uneasy with me. His wife had pursued a deeper friendship with me when she assumed I was a church-going Christian because a mutual friend of ours told her about my dad's twin brother being a missionary in Africa. My dad was the black sheep of the family as far as the whole church thing--we didn't belong to any church. His mother often said that the greatest hypocrites were often found in the front pews. We younger kids weren't even baptised nor did we attend any Bible studies. There were Christian principles influencing our behavior and we had a Bible and a children's version of its basic stories. Along with my mom's standard practice of "Don't be a gossip. And never judge another until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."

Anyway, my beloved friends of many years didn't ask about my faith or ideas, and frankly, I didn't feel safe sharing that with them, for good reason as it turns out. Ha! But I could feel him not knowing what to do with me. It has been my experience that individuals like this--often those who've sought solace in religion--have done something in their past that they deeply regret and don't have any hope of undoing. Kind of like ex-smokers and ex-drinkers being the most judgmental of all when it comes to those perceived vices. I could feel his own sense of unworthiness hiding behind a holier-than-thou behavior that seemed focused on what he perceived as the failings of others of lesser faith and understanding than his own. While I gave him every opportunity to feel safe with me and to treat me as an equal--he didn't--but that wasn't my problem....

I've finally realized after a lifetime of different reactions from different strangers that people generally either feel safe with me or if they're into power and playing in ego games, they feel threatened--because titles and hierarchy nonsense doesn't impress me. I generally don't go in trying to figure someone out or judge them upon first meeting. I let them reveal themselves to me if and as they choose....

I invite everyone to contemplate these ideas for themselves....

You're the sovereign creator of your own life--you decide what resonates and what doesn't. But as far as I'm concerned, we have a world in chaos where long-held imbalances are rising to the surface to be released--one of these being the tendency to point fingers at villains, keeping them in the role of "Bully" within our own minds and hearts instead of offering one another hope and reminding each other, "This villainous act you have going for me has given me wisdom in the only manner experience can provide. I've gained the understandings I wanted from this and now it's time to remind you, you're not really a wicked, evil being at the core--at the heart of you. You're a loving being who sacrificed remembering your true self in order to help me learn more about myself, ourselves.... "

Thank you for your service, and now wake up and remember the true you.... my beloved.... it's time.

There's more to come, but this seems to be enough for now. Part 2 will be coming shortly....

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Thank You For Royally Pissing Me Off

Thank You For Royally Pissing Me Off

 Thank you for royally pissing me off because I feel myself standing up inside myself and saying, "HELL NO!!! We are done playing this bullshit game! Get the fuck out of my head and presence if you can't treat me as an equal--I don't care who you are! You do not get to lecture me anymore! I KNOW who I am and what I'm about--and it's as benevolent and as loving as anything you'll ever experience outside of yourself."

.... You see, I know you played that pain-in-the-ass part for me so I'd get angry enough to quit suppressing myself.... so.... ultimately I'm grateful but I'm still highly pissed off at you right now....

Boom! I'm here!!! I'm present! I'm illuminated for my own life! 

There is no dimming of myself. No backing off anymore. There is no room left inside of me for tolerating any bullshit lectures from anyone or anything on how to be and what to do. I'm here, dammit!--deal with it!

It turns out that four-letter-worded anger helped me go beyond that self-suppression thing I had going for pretty much this entire lifetime.... and, I'm certain, for many others....

Yeah--I suppressed myself. A lot of it was because life for me was easier by keeping quiet. I don't like fighting and arguing. I don't like the feeling of people expressing disappointment in me. I have no need to be the center of everyone else's attention. I find other people patting me on the back kind of condescending and unnecessary.

At seven years old I found out my sense of humor wasn't always the same as my dad's, whom I adored. I had vomited while standing in the school lunch line with several high-schoolers I idolized. I was as embarrassed and mortified as all get out, but after sitting in my brothers' room hearing them and their friends share their funny stories, I found a way I might turn that whole debacle into a funny story of my own. We're all sitting around the long kitchen table having dinner--a midday meal--with our family and my brothers' friends when I have a lightbulb moment. I can feel myself grinning with anticipation of making the whole table roar with laughter. I grab my stomach and groan, "Ugh.... I think I'm going to throw up!" I'm looking out of my peripherals for that burst of laughter that never came. Instead, Dad says to me in that quiet, I mean business and I'm ashamed of you tone, "Pen, we don't talk that way at the table." I gave up trying to tell stories out loud and I quieted my mouth for fear of getting myself into trouble and disappointing my loved ones.

Never mind that it was at my own expense--heaven forbid I hurt anyone's feelings even if they were acting like judgmental dimwits at times. I dimmed my own bulb so as to be more pleasing, more acceptable to others. It turns out they never really actually cared what was going on with me--life for them was all about them, and that's not a selfish thing at all. We humans each have our own uniquely created realities. There is a voice and an awareness and perception within every single one of us that no one but oneself can access. We are each meant to be the sovereign master creator of our own lives/realities by accessing and including our own divine facet into our body of consciousness--body, mind, spirit, gnost. Into whatever form, if any, that we might take.

From childhood on I learned from parents, siblings, preachers, teachers, friends--and even ascended masters later on--that I needed to monitor myself. 

Yes, I heard from an ascended master, "That's no way to be--that's just wrong." And this past weekend I paid for getting a too long-winded finger-wagging about using AI that I did not deserve. I have every intention of utilizing AI to create and communicate in my grandest, most-loving way. I even did so a few months back--but there were glitches and artifacts that frustrated me. And there's a learning curve on prompting for me. Plus, I can only stand being on the computer for so long.

Yeah, it ticked me off especially after just getting a text from a long-time friend who was disrespectful of me enough that I finally stood up for myself and disconnected the friendship a couple months ago. The friend wanted to know if I was feeling better and to say that they were so surprised by my reaction to their belittling of me and my life and my own personal relationship with my own divinity. There was absolutely no apology--not that I expected to get one. There was simply the statement, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Yeah--that pissed me off.

So I had all this clanging around in my head during that last part of the shoud, thinking, "Here we go again--I'm going to be leaving this group that I love again! I feel so angry, so conflicted--but so damned pissed off I don't think there is any coming back from this one this time!"

I wrote most of this a few days ago just to get it out, to get some clarity.... and.... clarity and freedom from suppressing myself has finally come. I wasn't sure I was going to post this at first. Sometimes I write stuff in order to purge it but I feel it's important to let this side of me be seen without apology....

There is more to come but I had to let myself feel all of this through without monitoring myself, trying to figure out how I was wrong in the whole thing and how to make myself fit in better. I was never meant to fit in fully or to follow.... Nor were any of you....

Feeling Backed-Into-a-Corner Desperate? There's a Way Out For Absolutely Everyone

Have you done and said things you wish with all your heart and soul that you'd never done and said? Especially dark and harmful things? Well, my beloveds, there is Good News for you! There is a way out. Close your eyes, take a few good deep-down breaths into your heart, your diaphragm, your toes, and into the real you--your Divinity, your very own Soul....

Wake up, my beloved, from your nightmare....

You're just dreaming and in a dreamscape that feels so real, so solid that you believe it's you and that it's all there is to you.... but you are, every single human is SO MUCH MORE! Just as it is with all your other nighttime terrors--wake up and let it go.... Step out of the rollercoaster car.... That isn't who you really are.... and.... it's never too late!

Hit the "Delete" key if you don't like the direction or the outcome of your story. 

Select something new from all that wisdom you have gained from that old story. It may be a slight alteration in direction or a 180 degree shift--whatever works for you.

We all have a Divine and Eternal origin, and in joy of its awareness of existence, that divinity of each individual has been on an exploration of its own library of potentials, discovering who and what it is, and how this library of energetic potentials works for each of us. 

The HUMAN EXPERIENCE is the most sensual, grounded, gritty, real-feeling dream of all dreams. We create and get to immerse into experiencing our own creations! Just, WOW! Our feet touch the ground, the winds reverberate in our ears, our skin tingles with awareness and touch, our hearts pump, our eyes not only see, but they connect us with others--and we laugh, smile, cry, feel grief, pain and joy. We create music and art and we dance. We know love--the real pure kind that has ultimate compassion and wisdom and is completely unconditional. This human dreamscape is so real we even get to experience getting stuck, feeling lost and alone, with no way out. But, you can and will wake up from it--and it will happen NATURALLY when you're ready.... 

What a GIFT this human dream is! What a gift YOU are, I don't care how dark or horrendous you believe yourself to be at times.... that isn't the real you, the fullness of you. It's just  a tiny droplet of you exploring potentials to experience--none of them is set in stone. Let it go. Wake up from your night terror--that is not the real you. It's all just a dream and it can change in an instant--but only if YOU LET IT.... 

But don't just take my word for it. Close your eyes, take some good deep breaths to quiet your mind so you can access your heart in the quiet. Your soul is right there within you waiting to be invited in by you to have a relationship with it. It will not force itself on you. Ask for its perspective and allow it to dance with you in this human dream--and watch as the terrors disperse into nothingness.

YOU ARE SO LOVING and COURAGEOUS, beloved human, and SO LOVED!

All is truly well in all of Creation! This is just a dream....

Share Your Own Stories--They Are a Gift

 

A Den of Vipers

I am not a lover of snakes or most reptiles. They give me the heebie-jeebies. Many of my worst nightmares had me landing in a pit of snakes or being chased by them.

Recently I found myself in the human equivalent of a den of snakes and it wasn't pleasant. The thing with snakes though (I grew up in rattlesnake country) is that they really aren't wicked and evil at heart. They're just reacting out of fear. They'll strike out at anything that approaches them--blindly. It's just a survival instinct....

And.... that's the same thing I found with these beloved human friends of mine.... Their religious belief system had taught them that the human heart was wicked, and there I was sharing my stories of my own experiences and conversations with "god" (actually, my own divine soul within me--but I knew they weren't ready to hear that!). I was telling them about reading one of their bible scriptures years ago that said to not study the literal word of the bible, but to explore it with one's own heart as a guide. To go within, have some inner reflection time. Boy, did I hit a nerve with that one!

I was firmly put in my place, because HE had read and studied the bible many times over and insisted that he had never read that, ever! I was treated to this scorn in front of their kids, whom I adore. He was showing off to them.

Their Holy Bible was the literal and end-all actual Word of God. Jesus was the one and only son of Him, and no matter how much I loved Yeshua/Jesus--if I didn't accept him as my savior then I--their friend who I KNEW they loved--was destined for an eternal hell. According to them it was justly deemed so by their wrathful and judgmental version of god. We lowly, icky humans couldn't possibly understand--nor were ever meant to--such a god's reasons and ways. Even if it didn't resonate with your heart (which was "wicked" to begin with) and seemed pretty cruel--you just don't question god. That, too, is a sin--you wicked bastards, you humans!

Oh, that's a heavy burden.... I'd be dead by now if I was hauling that around. He had a heart attack a couple years back and experienced another heart episode just recently. I now see it as his heart trying to open up, but his mind/ego putting on the brakes.

Now, I had not gone into their home with any agenda that evening. I never have. I knew that this is what they believed and practiced, and I honored them their free choice and sovereignty--their own paths. I recognized the contributing beauty of them. Somehow though, this time I found myself in the middle of this exchange as I shared some of my most profound and enlightening stories of my own experiences and personal realizations--the ones I shared on my blog: The Benevolent Rebel. They'd been curious about us, so I opened wide, made myself vulnerable, reiterating that I wasn't out to proselytize or convince them that they were all wrong and I was right. These were just MY STORIES, and they each had their own unique stories, and I celebrated them exactly where they were in them. But the human mind trap--purely as a survival instinct--had them striking out at me. My hands were shaking--I blamed it on the coffee, but it was their reaction to me sharing myself with them. It hurt.... and.... I'm just fine.... I survived it intact (rolling my eyes a bit and having a good laugh at myself now).

My husband and I did not sleep well that night. What the hell happened? How did we get ourselves into that? We had a fun time playing games with the family afterward, hugged and shook hands with one another when we left but I had this awful aftertaste. I was rattled and found myself no longer wanting to interact with them. To disconnect for a while. If they wanted to see me again, then it was up to them.... I wasn't going to subject myself to that again. Love sets boundaries as well as letting go. I had given them a safe and sacred space to be--a sanctuary--but they didn't reciprocate that with me. They had to be right, no matter the cost....

"Forgive them--they know not what they do."

I felt like I'd been attacked--piled upon by jackals and ripped to shreds by someone who had no awareness of doing that with me.

For those who have read any of my stories you'll understand that forgiveness, for me, was a steppingstone to having sincere gratitude for all parts played just for me. And so it is with this story of mine.

“Penny, what was the gift for you in this experience?”

I put it here--this highly unpleasant conflict of an experience--so what benefit did I get from it?

I had my own stories, and I shared them out loud with a joy and passion that I really only saved for my blog or with people that I felt safe with in the moment. Not with people I KNEW wouldn't accept my perspective with open arms. My beloved friends were reading and quoting bible verses at me left, right and center and I simply accepted them, let it flow on by me--15 years I made a safe space for them. When someone quotes stuff at me that they haven't experienced for themselves it pretty much sounds and feels like a boring, mono-toned teacher just passing along "facts" that he doesn't even feel excited about. Blah, blah, blah. Static, static, static--simply an irritating frequency.

After this night, I realized I'd never heard them share their own personal stories of realizations in all the years of our friendship. The focus was on the faults and idiosyncrasies of others and following THE rules, bible studies, and church. Their god was mean and judgmental--and so were they without realizing it. They accused me of creating a god for myself instead of accepting the "real" thing. They didn't see what I saw: They were being just like the kind of god they worshipped, which is what humans do....

The only time I saw them excited was when they got onto the subjects of eternal hell and damnation, evil, Satan, the wickedness of humans, the wrongness of Eve. The woman, the Feminine, was a subordinate in their view, instead of being an equal, but importantly different, partner to the Masculine. I've observed people caught up in this dogma and doctrine get a glint in their eye when they discuss these things. They're feeding off the drama and trauma surrounding these suggestions that they've made their truth. They like it! And you can argue yourself blue over the right or wrong interpretation or the "correct" bible with them, but you end up convincing no one of anything.

But stories--I realized that they didn't argue with my stories of my experiences--they couldn't! I suppose they could have written me off as a crazy loon and probably did--but if they're like me, nothing sticks with you like a story....

My beloved humans--share your stories. You and your experiences and your realizations are so much more of a gift than you can possibly realize! Forget the quoting crap unless it connects into your experience. Share your gift of what it's like being an imperfect human so you can see and feel for yourself what a true and unique gem you are--always, in ALL YOUR WAYS.

And I'm here--a lover of stories--ready to listen and celebrate and laugh with each and every one! Rejoice in the gift of this life on Earth and what we've discovered from it, story by story.... heart by heart....

Share your own good news!

"Love Thy Enemies": Can I Do That Purely and Sincerely?

"Love thy enemies.".... "Love your neighbor as yourself."...."Judge not lest you be judged the same." The parable of the Prodigal Son. These are a few of my favorites.

The enlightening and unburdening messages of Jesus/Yeshua--the actions he encouraged every person to do and feel into being--seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle of making him into a savior and a god to be worshipped. They instead get used as a finger to admonish someone else out there because most humans are afraid to look at themselves, afraid of what they may find. I know I was, especially after having grown up in the dense mental mass consciousness of the planet that had many of us believing we were No-Good Humans.

But it all changed when I got honest with myself and dared myself to look at my own secrets....

When I took to heart Yeshua's messages and actually asked for help in how to love my enemies and myself. "Dear god within, show me how to truly and sincerely love and accept my neighbors without judging them, so I don't judge myself."

"Help me see the value--the gift--of my existence instead of feeling so unworthy, so stuck in an identity that I can't seem to fix, undo, or avoid...."

"Help me to forgive myself...."

There's really no such thing as a secret....

.... because somebody always knows.... the owner of the secret.... and if it's a dark secret it will haunt you until you open up to a relationship with your own soul--that part of you that's aware you exist: "I am." Your own divinity within will help you shift perspective and see things from a much broader perspective--one that the Little Human can't see on her own.

Years ago, I read a book that gave this example on perspective and what seems to be true until you see the same situation from a much broader viewpoint.

Imagine a close-up of a caveman: He's viciously evil in demeanor. He appears devoid of morality. He's selfishness personified and it seems he is willing to do anything to win.

Then expand out to a larger perspective of the scene he's in. You'll see that he's backed into a corner, placing himself between a woman and child and an attacking huge saber tooth tiger. There's no way out. He's desperate....

As I opened up and began acknowledging there were things about myself that I feared, regretted, didn't like, my own divinity began to show me there was so much more going on at the time than that one little slice of a negative memory my mind kept looping through me as I attempted to monitor and keep myself under control. Some experiences you just don't want to ever happen again....

We currently have several celebrities, bureaucrats and politicians threatening to leave the country because Trump was elected. Some have already left. The fact that all of these people are stating the exact same narrative tells me they are being coerced, blackmailed, threatened in some way. It's obvious, isn't it? It's that caveman backed into a corner all over again.

I'm truly not interested in seeing and hearing about all their skeletons (been there, done all of that with myself). If they knowingly acted in evil ways, well, some part within them had to be nudging at them that they weren't going to get away with anything like that forever.

You see, I know there is goodness within all of us. It's just the individual's choice as to whether or not they allow it. And if you choose to play in the power illusion game, well, all that mean crap you put out is going to return to you--only it's going to hit you, the creator and originator of it, harder....You're better off coming clean to your own god within and being honest with yourself first rather than waiting for a list or incriminating videos to be revealed. Desperation can bring out the worst in people.

Put some Light there by inviting in your own soul to be a part of your life. No one is forever lost.... you played a role of persecutor and betrayer, and now that I know who I am and what I am truly about--that I can forgive myself and anyone who betrays me--I can remind you that you really aren't that awful being you pretended to be either.... but you need to realize and embrace that for yourself....

I don't need no stinkin' babysitters--Do You?

Jab or No Jab: It doesn't matter either way if one makes it insignificant in his own reality....

I realized all my perceived enemies pretty much peter out when I create a life or reality for myself in which I'm immune to the deeds of others. In truth, all the "they-s" out there are all my field of energies in service solely to me. No one can affect me unless I choose to make it appear so simply because I want to experience that type of situation--for a temporary time, if I choose. It doesn't have to be permanent. I don't have to stay stuck in anything if I choose to opt out.

I have watched humans grab onto the whole vaccination thing and run with it with gusto--some even deciding to let it kill them off or leave them suffering from life-altering, chronic imbalances. Some use their own fear of getting sick to point fingers at someone else who didn't get vaccinated or who refused to wear the gangster facemasks. Can't you see that the whole jab/no jab thing has been used as a fear-based distraction and manipulation to get humans fighting AMONGST themselves? A way to keep people "warring" with their own friends and loved ones? I'll be damned if it didn't work for a while....

Don't you know that the best way of dealing with bullies is to make them insignificant?

Jab or No Jab--just don't be affected by either.... and.... Whether or not someone gets vaccinated or doesn't get vaccinated is none of my damn business. That's just how we masters roll--those of us who accept total creative responsibility for our own lives and realities. If it's in my life, I put it there. It's serving me in some way....

When I look at the whole scenario from the viewpoint that I am the creator of my own perceived reality, well, it doesn't matter what others may only SUGGEST to me is true. It only manifests in my own life if I CHOOSE to make that particular suggestion a truth for myself.

What a distractive game we humans have going over vaccinations: People CHOOSING to tell someone else they have a duty to get it, while others CHOOSE to get deathly ill from getting jabbed. I actually watched an unvaccinated person delight gleefully over hearing that their close vaccinated friend got sick from Co-VID. It made me sad and horrified to witness such an awful, insane thing. That's how much fun humans were having over the dramas and traumas.

I've watched people giving up a healthy, joyful life all in order to prove they're "right." They're better off just ignoring the SUGGESTIONS and living their own life, instead of being the poster child of suffering. You don't have to tell anyone what you did or didn't do. It's your own life, dear sovereign creator, and just like I did, you alone gave your bullies life (brought them into being), and you either feed them and keep them in play by acting as their victim, or you opt to feed something more pleasant. Your choice....

Simply quit making any SUGGESTIONS you're tired of playing in matter at all!

How absolutely bizarre is it that people need some law enforced as to what bathroom they should use? REALLY?

.... my head is really shaking, and my eyes are rolling that this type of argument made it into the topics of what humans should consider highly important.... You've been duped, my beloveds, if you've allowed yourselves to get seduced and distracted into this one.

Here's a good rule of thumb--a guideline--if you choose to be respectful of yourself and of others:

It depends on your wee-wee, not on the kind of clothes you choose to wear: Is your wee-wee an outie or an innie?

Outies use the boy's bathroom. Innies use the girl's bathroom. If you happen to have been born with both, well pick one and use it consistently.

Of course, if it's an emergency and you don't have access to the right one for you, go ahead and use what's available. Just be courteous and explain the situation if other people are in there. Seems stupid to think some law has to be enforced. I would suggest letting the whole "issue" become no issue at all. I mean.... (still shaking my head).... really????

The old stories and belief systems are obsolete and are being revealed as they are being released and returned to zero point.

This past year, I observed the political and world scene more than I have probably ever.

I joined X two years ago simply because our beloved Elon Musk bought out Twitter and freely chose to allow it to be a free speech platform, no matter the cost. I just love the guy--he has such a joyful energy and passion for life and a profound love of humanity and for inventing stuff. A real standard of what anyone can be--even without being a genius. I even bought a blue check/premium account because I chose to invest in myself and in freedom of speech. You know--feed the things you love....

I delightedly watched as Vivek Ramaswamy appeared here and had heartfelt conversations with people of all walks--he listened to people, no matter whether they agreed with him or not, and he shared his passion of returning our beloved country back to the basics of freedom upon which it had been founded, free of bureaucracy and power-plays. He went unscripted--and just visited with people openly. It was refreshing to watch.

I know political speech when I hear it--politicians reading scripts, saying what polls tell them their audience wants to hear and then forget their promises after being elected. That's the reason why I haven't played the politics game and chose the self-sovereignty route. It was irritating to listen to nonsense intended to distract people from accepting their own freedom and self-sovereignty.

Then RFK, Jr came on the scene--open and authentic about his past stories with substance abuse and rising beyond it.... and.... passionate about the health of our people and the land that serves us. I could feel it--and my own heart sang. He chose Nicole Shanahan as his VP running mate and I listened to her with joy. It wasn't about fixing others, but more about giving people the opportunity to be more aware and to freely choose any options they felt worked best for them, the individual, and for their own children. Ultimately, humans are going to have to decide what kinds of lives we each choose to live and decide for ourselves what is and isn't poison for oneself, but they are looking at clearing out a lot of B.S., so people can make clearer, freer choices. It's a start in a newer, expanded direction.

I watched President Donald Trump--the catalyst of all the change in our government--as he miraculously kept on going no matter what was thrown at him while in office and the four years after. I keep seeing blurbs now that CO-VID was a lab-created bioweapon, and I had written about it being so way back in 2020, when a "friend" of mine had me censored and fact-checked on Facebook (Zuckerburg, I'm holding you accountable) for saying such things. Really--what are people doing messing with the creation of diseases anyway, except to weaponize them. Duh! It also hasn't escaped me that when the Russian Hoax was failing against Trump, the corona virus just "magically manifested" his last year in office. Everyone has great hindsight about what should have been done, especially with all the unsuppressed information we have now, but imagine yourself in President Trump's shoes at that time for just a little bit... He was pretty much covered in attacking jackals....

I'm pretty certain the 2020 election was stolen from Donald Trump, but I think it all turned out for the better because of the contrast provided by the following "Biden administration," or whatever the hell that was. It just brought more of the "controlling and manipulation of the masses" B.S. out into the Light of Day and revealed that just maybe Trump was onto something.

I can't tell you how often I've heard people through the years say, "The government needs to take care of such and such people." I just had to shake my head (yeah, I know it's a thing with me).

One, I tried taking care of people who insisted I needed to do that for them--the poor, pitiful things--and nothing changed. They didn't get better because they didn't have to. They had a cushy deal with me running around for them. I just got pissed off and resentful and finally realized I could still be a kind and actually more compassionately loving person by simply deciding, "No more." And going off on my merry way.

Two, I found anytime I looked for someone else outside of me--especially a bureaucratic government agency or insurance or medical corporation--I was going to spend most of my life, energy and time being sick or at least having yearly boob-squishing exams and being prodded and poked in places I'd rather not be prodded and poked. Very invasive and unnecessary as far as I'm concerned--for myself. I've got the gift of a life to freely enjoy and frankly, I'm not interested in spending it in waiting rooms and hospital beds--and contrary to all the hypnotic education around me, I actually do enjoy a quite balanced life without needing the attention of medical professionals on a regular basis.

The mainstream media kept trying to portray Trump as the Hitler of the 21st century but when I listened to him with my own heart, I felt his profound love of our beloved USA and the freedom for all that it stands for. I felt his genuine love of its people. I saw it in his actions when he didn't know he had an audience. I love that he chooses to end our wars, to quit the funding of any wars anywhere in the world....

Then I watched as these few people I've mentioned above and so many others set aside their differences in order to unite to basically restore the United States of America to a freedom for all foundation once again. They were forced to do so, as the old systems attacked them from every which way as it's been screaming and lashing out in its final death throes. The old power-playing survival of the fittest game is not going quietly.... but it is going. It can no longer sustain itself in a world that's had its fill of the power illusion experiences. We're done feeding those stories.

And yes, of course I am open to people lawfully immigrating here. Many of our own ancestors immigrated here and contributed to making our America the great land it once was. Some of us even have native American ancestors--something I'm grateful for because they have such a spiritual connection to the planet and the plant and animal kingdoms--such a respectful gratitude for their services to humanity. All I ask is that you learn our English language so we can communicate more clearly with each other, so we have less misunderstandings. And take responsibility for oneself. Keep your new homeland thriving and healthy--a place you're proud of creating and being a part of. Don't look for a government to take care of you. That's not something any government of sovereign people is meant to do.

I'm observing the Dementia-ravaged puppet Biden being manipulated by a few Last-Hurrah world controlling elitists into creating all sorts of laws and policies in an attempt to thwart the elected President and his cabinet appointments and the bureaucracy-clean-out in these short weeks he has left.

I've watched as they try to get our country into a nuclear war....

Once again, what do you do with bullies? Make whatever they try to do insignificant. So what if they put policies and laws into play? You don't have to abide by them, my beloved fellow sovereigns--let those suggestions float on by without attaching yourself to it.

Besides, our constitution doesn't support those kinds of nefarious activities, for one.... and.... Putin is intelligent enough to know that We the People--the true sovereigns of the United States of America are not condoning war of any kind, anymore.... We are NOT the ones attacking, and we won't settle for anyone claiming to do so in our names. Whoever bombs you, bomb that person alone or whoever is trying to play puppeteer. That'll end it.

After all the experiences of gaining and losing freedom that we've been through since starting out as the first nation ever to recognize freedom and self-sovereignty, I think we're all much wiser about liberty and what it truly means even than at the time of our founding forefathers. We've grown up and are much more mature about it.... I'm seeing and hearing more and more of that maturity all around me.... and it warms my heart and soul....

When you're at ease and embracing the relationship with your own soul--that eternal I am! facet that's been within us all along though we just couldn't seem to see it--well, freedom and self-sovereignty feels less and less scary and much more joyful. Let's embrace it with all our hearts!

Yes, it's a chaotic mess out there--but take the time to be alone with the real you so you can navigate it more clear about who and what you are. It's okay to feel anger. Don't suppress it. It's a legitimate feeling in these trying times. Just allow it in a space and manner where you're not actually harming yourself or anyone else. I'm a kid who grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere--I had lots of space to move all kinds of crap out of my system and I had nature to hug me when other humans couldn't. Life taught me I could also create a safe and sacred space in the middle of a city in the midst of a crowd. I could bring it in no matter where I physically was.

Creating your own SAFE SACRED SPACE wherever you are will help you maintain a balance as we transform into a higher consciousness planet where each human feels a sincere sense of love and gratitude for all....

I discovered something magnificent when I finally invited my soul--my own divine self--to join me in this human life. I, too, had done terrible things I prayed to have never, ever have done. Things which seemed impossible to undo. "You made your bed, Hon--now lie in it." That idea left me hopeless, just wanting to die. Where do you go when you seem to have placed yourself in a hell you alone are responsible for making?

You surrender.... beloved human.... Your soul has got this. Just like the Prodigal Son--let the Source of you welcome you home and nourish you with a real feast and celebration of the heart, body, mind, knowingness.... Your own soul has the Light and the Way just for you....

Not only did I find that I could actually forgive and love my enemies, I found myself thanking and loving my worst enemy of all--ME!

It's happening.... Nurture hope.... Nurture celebration of the gift that is you so you can easily do that with all others....

In love,

The Benevolent Rebel

"Feel into BEing FREE": Helping Victims Heal Themselves

Pointing a finger at my abuser only goes so far, and then it points right back at me, along with these tapes running on repeat through my mind:

"That's no way to be."

"That's just wrong. You're wrong!" (I admit I got it wrong but how do I undo it?).

"You should have known better." (Yeah--I actually did know better at the time, but....)

"You're being selfish." (You may see it that way, but I'm finally being honest and speaking up).

And then there were Dad's feelings of guilt after Mom died and repeatedly saying about himself, "I had too much." This coming from a man who thought that he was unworthy and felt he should nobly suffer along with the sufferers around him. 

A dear friend of his had this saying, "If I have two nickels and someone has none, I have ONE nickel too many." Dad gave BOTH of his nickels away....and suffered....and so did my mom who was trying to make ends meet raising a large family.

It's from his example that I learned the difference between empathy and compassion. Empathy is hauling around everyone else's burdens and pain like it's your own--suffering--but it changes nothing. It heals nothing. And people really don't like you "fixing" them.

Compassion is recognizing that people--Divine Sovereign Creator Beings--are choosing to have a Human experience, and while it may be painful to observe, you let them have their experience so they can gain the wisdom from it for their own soul in their own way and in their own time. You honor their sovereignty, and love and accept them at every point, even though you choose to disconnect from them when their actions no longer resonate with yourself.

This world is a chaotic-feeling mess and sometimes it's too damn easy for this human facet of mine to get sucked into playing in power games that I'd prefer to stay free of, and instead just live my own illuminated life. Kamala Harris's practice of not answering any straight forward question with a straight forward answer was really pissing me off. And she seems intent on punishing anyone else with a different viewpoint from her own under the guise of calling it "hateful speech" yet has no qualms about indulging in practicing it herself. 

Then, to top it all off, all these assassination attempts on Donald Trump, and insane people applauding it, plus the actual assassination and injury of people attending his rallies. People are so out of their minds with a nurtured hatred of a man, that they won't open up to listen and feel into matters with their own hearts. They are supporting the killing of another human being based solely on believing lies and propaganda doled out by individuals scrabbling for power and control. This does not sit well with me. It's disheartening to watch and for me to feel....I am quite empathetic, after all.... 

I do appreciate Donald Trump. I can actually feel his love of our country and of people of all walks, and I don't wish to see him martyred in some political ploy. He has reacted heroically and mercifully over and over again. Nor do I wish it upon Ms. Harris or the mentally incompetent man sitting in office due to elder abuse of a person who clearly has dementia. Does anyone else wonder who's calling the shots in the name of our beloved homeland?

How many heroes does it take to change my world, my personal reality? Only one can actually do it for me--and that's me.....ordinary-seeming me....

After realizing that I needed to stay out of the fighting and keep my personal energy field open and flowing so the crap out there didn't stick and manifest in my own reality and to keep myself illuminated to my highest degree, I started a daily practice of taking a good deep breath and FEELING into being FREE. 

It only takes me about 60 seconds, and sometimes when days feel a bit more stressful than others, I do it more than once. It shuts down the anger at the injustices and stupidity of blind humans. And more importantly, it shuts down the mentally accusing, self-torturing programming looping through my mind telling me I need to monitor and control my wayward, sinning, no-good, unworthy-of-even-existing self. 

Yep, as realized as I am, as much as I've taken responsibility for everything in my life--"If it's in my life, I ALONE put it there and I'm getting some benefit, some form of service from it, or it wouldn't exist."--I've still had those moments of Crappy Self-Doubt taunting me as its self-accusations cruise on through my head.

I put it there--so how can someone causing me to feel guilty and ashamed be serving me? Still?

My outer world of mirrors reflects this inner turmoil of a conversation by me constantly being admonished or criticized by people in my life. The most painful ones being from loved ones and people I admire and respect and support. I often can't believe they are actually saying these things or behaving this way with me. I don't feel safe with them.

The ONLY way I could get beyond having done anything and everything wrong as a human being was to RELEASE all of it to my Soul--that facet of myself that gave birth to this temporary human self. This courageous human who became The Experiencer of infinite ways of being in order to help my consciousness get to know thyself better and to celebrate my eternal existence. 

Justice cannot truly be done within the human realm alone--I needed the broadest perspective of my soul who doesn't judge its human partner. My soul celebrates the wisdom gained through all of the experiences--the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. It really doesn't care what I did to gain the understandings it gleans from me. My soul knows that I, the human, am just a temporary costume for a temporary story. The human dies, but the soul lives on forever.

By allowing myself to FEEL into being FREE, it allows me to let go of the stuff I can't humanly fix or seem to change--all that stuff I regret.

I relieve myself of all the burden and release it to my Soul, who distills all those icky details out--washes them all away--from all my experiences, revealing and leaving only the gem of experienced profound wisdom I couldn't have discovered without having immersed myself into such a confounding, shameful experience in the first place.

This is a key component to the whole sexual energy virus that has been my lifelong passion to resolve completely. 

It's getting down to the energetic, conscious, self-aware core of what's truly happening within. As it is within, so it is without.

When my own childhood story surfaced and I allowed myself to finally write about it, I knew I had a perspective that was not very popular--I knew I gave myself the experience, and I knew the choice was made at a more divine level rather than the human one--what human would possibly allow themselves to choose these types of painful, shameful experiences, right? I remember going into something of a trance-like state at the time and becoming the observer.... Something deeper was going on within me....and I was making and taking notes....

Click on this link to read my story: Bring That Which Is Hidden Into the Light: Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction

I've had people thank me for writing it and others tell me that their experience was physically painful and therefore, different from my own--like they were more of a victim than I was, and for most of these years, I've been giving all these people the benefit of the doubt instead of myself. I've second-guessed myself constantly. Should I really be talking about this subject? Did I truly earn the right to speak about it?

In all fairness, I was not abducted or forced, and the one who played the role of my abuser actually apologized to me later on in life. When it surfaced for me to heal, I actually felt their remorse and their hellish punishment of themselves. I could have made that person's life way more of a living hell than it already was. But it just wasn't in me to do that. While I experienced both pain and pleasure, the fact that I addressed the pleasure aspect of it rather than the pain had me doubting myself and my own worthiness in speaking about molestation.

However, I now know that it's my special circumstances that has allowed me to go deeper and into the core of what was happening within me rather than focus my attention on the other person. That person had to live with what they had done....and believe me, it was far worse than the prisons and punishments doled out by others....An execution would have been a relief and a release. 

It was never about my abuser. It was all about me. Knowing this about myself, how can I go on living, much less allow myself to have a joyfully abundant and easy life? Do I even deserve a graceful life?

I was never going to talk about my dirty little secret, ever. I hated it. I was so ashamed of myself for allowing it all to happen. I knew better, you see, and yet I still let it happen....I was a filthy, stinking human....

And that, my beloved Fellow Divine Human Beings--I'm referring here to every human--is the voice that has been cycling through my thoughts even up to this day. And my only way of going beyond it, releasing it, was to choose to give it all to my Soul and to practice, practice, practice Breathing and Feeling into just being FREE: of everything--my identity, my stories, my issues. Suddenly I'm just a pinpoint of self-awareness with my energies flowing and free. I just exist and it's easy, graceful, and smooth; empty of voices and accusations.

Don't jumble and junk it up with words and ideas--just open up and feel free....

I put myself through everything--but I have to be compassionate with myself about that, too, and therein lies my freedom....

We've been nurturing the Victim to the point of making it into an actual addiction--a way of being. It's a trap. There was no way out of that 180-degree swing of that pointing finger. It always came back to me. 

I kept myself playing the victim by looking outside of myself and blaming someone else for what I put myself through. And when I finally accepted responsibility for creating the experience for myself, I forgot to extend to myself the compassion and forgiveness I was so quick to give another. I NEEDED that self-forgiveness to heal myself. The other person was a piece of cake compared to actually forgiving myself. 

You see, I was still monitoring myself constantly. We're never ever going to do that again!

Inwardly, I was beating myself up for being a blind and stupid, overly-curious being, and that is what I was then radiating out to my world--so I just got MORE of it. More put-downs. More walking on eggshells for fear of doing or saying something wrong--and, even after all that, imperfect human that I am, I still managed to screw up from time to time.

It doesn't even make sense to berate oneself over something you didn't know or understand fully at the time, does it? Yep, my curiosity got the better of me and I got burned. I wouldn't condemn anyone else, child or adult, in this way so why did I do that with myself?

Sean Combs' alleged activities are the latest of the sexual abuse atrocities surfacing due to more Light illuminating the hidden, worst energy-feeding travesties in our world. I DO NOT CONDONE any of these malevolent activities, and as far as I'm concerned, those committing them deserve imprisonment for life. But asking his victims to accuse him isn't helping them to heal themselves of the core issue. Because, you see, in this case, his victims were often people who were desiring some fame for their entertainment talents, and he helped them get heard and established--for an awful price. They're ashamed....

This is the prostitute archetype within all of us humans that we're dealing with here. And that prostitute is going to be playing over and over within the victim's mind--claiming responsibility for selling themselves and telling them they deserved what they got. No one actually deserves that....but I can easily bet that that's the tape looping through the minds and hearts of every single victim....

I had a dream about being the prostitute on my knees servicing a line of men. I felt both disgusted with myself for allowing myself to do it and at the same time I felt committed to giving them the $16 worth of satisfaction I'd promised them....

This speaks of the imbalance between the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine that reside within every human, regardless of whether you're male or female. You have both. If it helps you embrace it, think of the two hemispheres of your brain. Each side has special traits and responsibilities for the balanced function of the whole--and they are connected by the corpus collosum. How's that for a marriage? 

The Feminine had a part in creating this off-kiltered leaning towards the Masculine--what is called the sexual energy virus in consciousness--because she handed all the responsibility for, and sovereignty over Creation to the Masculine. Things weren't going as smoothly as she'd expected and she blamed herself for what she believed was failure on her part. She stepped down from the partnership. And things got wonky. It's so damn easy to criticize and blame that other guy, isn't it, when you aren't the one having to handle it?

So, it doesn't matter what gender we are here, that extreme polarization--separation-- between the divine masculine and the divine feminine within every single man and woman is unconsciously influencing the way our personal life manifests. It's why we've had such a patriarchal world. Its polar opposite--a matriarchal world may look different, but the extremism would be just as bad. It would still be imbalanced. We need to embrace both within--not choose one over the other.

We, as a collective of humanity, need to start providing a safe and sacred space for the victims to heal themselves so they can participate in life feeling the joy of taking responsibility for themselves and their own balanced well-being--by sharing how to change the inner conversation we're constantly engaged in. By reminding one another to have compassion for themselves in all their experiences. So each person can then eventually reach the point of having gratitude for themselves as a human--the gratitude that is already felt by their own soul.

I have watched over and over again as those who perceive themselves as the victims actually abuse themselves and those around them. They feed off the attention and energies of those outside of them rather than unconditionally accepting and taking care of themselves. They look outside themselves for validation instead of just letting themselves off the hook. Essentially, the unhealed victim ends up becoming the abuser. It may not be in the same fashion--it may be physical abuse or it may be emotional, mental, or even spiritual abuse. If it's not addressed, completely released, it will surface and manifest somehow, somewhere....

When you have no more victims, the need for an abuser role becomes obsolete....the sexual energy virus has served its purpose and is no longer necessary. Humanity can now ascend into new experiences for its soul....

Let's quit the self-torture and choose to open up to more abundantly joyful lives. That past was just a human having an experience for its soul--none of us really did anything wrong. Can you let it go? Are you willing to set yourself free, Victim? 

My beloved--you're the only one who can....be your own hero....

Breathe and feel FREE.....

Stories, Stories--Everything's a Story

https://twitter.com/compose/articles/edit/1767948254438735872

I am now also writing and posting all my articles on X in support of Free Speech. Above is the link to this latest:

"Stories, Stories--Everything's a Story"

I started a community on X called Benevolent Revolution in order to invite others who've awakened to the more that we each and all are to share their own stories of what it was like to transition out of the old hypnosis and into the realization of the more true version of you. Currently, I'm its only member, but, hey, you've gotta start somewhere, right?

All the best,

The Benevolent Rebel

@binekpenny

 Stories, Stories—Everything's a Story

It was a much-loved 50-degree day in March in Minot, ND, and I was on the last leg of my walk home from my laps around the soccer park. I felt an extra spring in my step as I walked past our friends' and neighbors' homes. Memories circulated through my mind of a fun interaction that day with a lady friend who used to walk with me but couldn't in the past couple of years because of foot issues. She's one of those people who always brings a smile to me--she's just got that certain attitude about life that even if things are difficult, she finds the humor within to get herself through them. She brings candies for the staff to her doctor's appointments. She's simply a lovely, lovely being--always there to help out a neighbor, a loved one, a friend, even a stranger in need. And best of all--to have a hug and a laugh with.

Then there are some other beloved friends--a couple of cashiers, a guy who bags my groceries, and the samples lady who now works in the meat department at my grocery store. We have wonderful chats about life in general--perspectives on things, pets, what plans we have for the day or weekend, trips, favorite foods, coffees, recipes, how we plan to spend holidays. When spring comes, one of the cashiers works at the local greenhouse, and our chats turn into gardening ideas. I can get my groceries at other places way cheaper than there, but I choose to buy them from this store because of these people.

Unfortunately, it's this type of person who seldom makes the headlines of our news, and that's a sad commentary on what the majority of humans find attention-worthy. You see, I've found that the more attention I give to anything--doesn't matter if I deem it good or bad--I get more of it.

There are these amazing human angels all around us, quietly doing such grand work while seeming to go about fairly routine, even mundane, daily lives, and pretty much unaware of how amazing they truly are--what a gift they are to me in simply being. Unaware that their very consciousness makes the worlds of the lives they touch an even more wondrously beautiful and fun place.

As I made my way home, I had the profound realization that all of life here on Earth is a collection of stories. What happens in the stories doesn't really matter in the end because the details and pain are all distilled out--I've recognized that I don't remember the sensual feeling of the physical pains I experienced. Thankfully, I just remember the stories and only the gems of compassionate wisdom gained from them. This wisdom is acquired through living our lives out within our own creations as a human being. It's all that the soul--that the "I am" divine and eternal facet of us--cares about and retains.

So, we're all just creating and living out stories....

I LOVE stories! My favorite memories of growing up are sitting in my brothers' bedroom and hearing the tales they and their friends shared. Of course, they got even more exaggerated as the years went by, and those stories eventually became family memories and legends shared in the living room on holidays or get-togethers of some sort.

My brothers have such wonderful story-telling capabilities. I especially love the stories where they have no problem compromising their image if it can be turned into a good laugh.

For instance: I have a nephew named Heath who acquired the nickname, Beef, and he preferred that name when he was little because he connected it with being tough like roast beef. Oh, do I love that kid--and now he's all grown up with kids of his own, yet he let me know not so long ago, "Pen, those little boys you remember are still right here." This as he pointed to his chest.

Anyway, I digress. We were all at the graduation of my oldest nephew, milling around, a few of us hanging out on the stairs, when my brother, Uncle Tim says to Heath, "I hear you like to be called Beef." Then Tim gets this macho swagger of a stance, head-nodding, chin-in-the-air cool attitude, and sniffs with his lower lip out a bit more than the upper, "Ye-ep! They call me chicken." There he stands, proud as a peacock.

Oh, the roars of laughter as we sat around the kitchen table when friends and neighbors, old and new, and extended family members dropped in for a visit. I never wanted to go to bed when we had guests at night for fear of missing out on something fun.

And the man I partnered with--his sense of humor is one of the main things that attracted me to him and continues to do so. Innuendo is a favorite pastime of ours. Plus, we've been together long enough that we think the same and often find ourselves having the same thought out of the blue at the same time. That's always good for a shared chuckle.

The importance of open communication....

I've realized communication is key in any relationship story, and my husband and I have definitely improved in that area. I've recognized how vulnerable I feel when stating and standing in my own truth, but also now see and empathetically feel that in him and others, too. None of us is really out to hurt one another. We've just got a guard put up because of feeling so naked and not wanting to be rejected or hurt. 

The gift of having been in a marriage is that I learned to honor each of us as sovereign beings and to not only recognize, but also celebrate the different beauty of our individual paths. I learned to quit trying to guide and fix what I perceived as something he was doing wrong, and to embrace that his life was his own gift to live out. We can share tools and things we've realized for ourselves, but we don't try to force these things upon the other. It's a whole lot less hassle and burden and worry. And if I can do that with someone I'm close to, then it's easier to do with anyone else.

There is a freeing and flowing sense of being when I make it a point to drop my armor, to shut off my own thoughts about how right I think I am and quit trying to dominate our conversations; and instead, actually listen to what he has to say. When I can do that, I've come to realize we understand and often agree with one another more than I gave us credit for. He just has a different way of expressing the same ideas based on his own unique experiences. In short, we have less arguments and more fun times together.

I'm ready to write new kinds of stories....

I often dream of, I've actually even started writing, my own novel. I love music so I can feel it eventually evolving into a musical. But while I desire to make it relatable with other humans, I have no interest in writing the same old, same old story that's been told over and over ad nauseum with humans having issues with diseases, drugs, sex, alcohol or any other abuses or relationship dramas. Have you noticed that all the series written for TV have plots similar to the headlines in the news? You can tell what general year one was written by what stories were happening in so-called real life.

Then I watch people around me make those plot lines their own truth because they've accepted it as "this is just the way life is." And, frankly, I don't relate to people with addictions. Contrary to how my peers in the 1970s and 80s are portrayed, I didn't do drugs of any kind. None of it appealed to me. While I like a glass of wine or beer or maybe even a bit of whiskey once in a while, I don't feel the desire to drink it every night like I'm seeing plastered all over the shows and on t-shirts. It's not the way I grew up, nor is it a routine I care to make my own. Watching the use of substances to cope, escape, or get a buzz on to party more heartily, or seeing someone, with an obvious agenda, manipulating others is not entertaining for me. "Reality" TV is a waste of my time.

If you like that, that's just fine--please enjoy yourself. It's your life to do with as suits you. I'm just saying out loud what appeals to me, and that what's seen on TV or in the movies is not necessarily a true representation of everyone in society--possibly not even most people. But some often claim that as their own narrative.

I'm looking for something more--something magical and new. Something where there may be some dark night tunnels of the soul, some mystery or puzzle to solve, but it has great humor sprinkled in with the tears and fears and colorful characters--and always has a light at the end. I love uplifting sagas--not that commentary on the state of the world crap someone's deemed classic just because it leaves one feeling depressed and hopeless about the world we live in. I have to ask--what was the purpose in writing something like that? To me, that's not art--not really. It's someone succumbing to the whole victimhood identity and trying to bring the rest of the world down with them. It's a manipulative power-play--an energy sucker.

Ultimately, I perceive us ALL as divine and loving beings, regardless of the roles we act out here in our Earthly plays.

I like happy endings--a resolution that's a win-win, even for those who played the bad guy or bad lady parts. Most of the stories today either kill them off or put them away. They seldom show the villain awakening and sincerely having a change of heart and opening up to becoming the more that I've realized we all are. What if they were just volunteering to act out that badass role out of love for us, as fellow divine beings pretending to be just little humans? So that through all these stories, we get to discover all there is to learn about oneself and how our own energy fields serve each of us?

My best moments have been when someone approaches me and tells me that my presence brings a sense of ease or grace or joy to their own life. They've noticed me.... and....they took the time to tell me so....

I know many wonderful people who seek to live lives of cooperating peacefully with their fellow humans, and they are the ones who look for things we all have in common--not that which separates us even further. They aren't out to stoke the fires that keep everyone divided. This type of attitude is what will keep us from creating the very real possibly of another civil war in our beloved homeland--in our beloved world at large. Our greater community tales become the types of stories we nurture in our personal lives. 

Also, I've lived in the Upper Midwest of the United States of America for most of my life so really the only religions I've had much experience with are the many versions of the Christian faith. Around the time of the millennium, I read a book titled "The Urantia Book." It gave an overview on the origins of the various religions, and I could see that at the core of each there was a message that rang true with me. I don't practice any religion--I'm all about conscious awareness--but I appreciate all of them as being an important stepping-stone to the more that I know we all are.

I have lived a lifetime or two as a Bible-thumping Holy roller, who preached Hell and damnation for sinning humans who didn't come around to her way of thinking.... So, this isn't meant to provoke any arguments.

People are reflections of the type of god they worship, and if their god is a judgmental one--oofta!--they are often the most judgmental, condemning, and Un Christ-like people to associate with. I hear all kinds of stories of how undeserving someone is if the Holy Roller I'm talking with doesn't like that person. 

What pisses me off is that this preacher-type personality is so deep into her hypnosis that she insists on trying to proselytize me into taking on her own stories of trying-to-stay-out-of-Hell terror. I'm perceived as an unworthy, born in sin, heathen she's trying to get whipped into shape, so I don't end up burning eternally. The preaching at me gets old quickly. These types are not fun to be with. Nor are they in any way uplifting....

And.... then I have to step outside of myself and just laugh at the scene we're acting out together. I realize them being just the way they are has given me this insight into myself:

I'm more apt to actively listen to a story than I am to a lecture on how to be, what to think, how to feel.... 

And.... It's a waste of my own breath and our time to try to convince anyone else that they should be according to what I deem is worthy and right.

Part of me grieves at not having been able to openly share with the glass-half-empty lecturer in a more light-hearted manner--like we missed out on another grand opportunity for something more satisfying--for myself, for both of us.... but, unless they're willing to open up, we'll just disconnect for now....

It's your story--have at it. I no longer feel the need or desire to try to convince, fix, or change you to my idea of what's right. I'm done with the whole dinkin' around in stuff that isn't my business thing.

I know I unconditionally love these preachy individuals anyway, even though I may not like them in the roles they are currently playing out for me. I accept them where and as they are, always wishing them the best in life--and that's reassuring to know I feel that way--that I'm not putting the responsibility on some god-like entity outside of me to love them. I choose to love them, no matter what. Just as I've come to love myself, no matter what. After all, we're all just playing out stories to our hearts' content.... and we can come and go from each other's plots as we see fit.

I envision a different story, where we are thanking--with sincerity--the people whose lives touch our own, like those I mentioned at the beginning....

It was on that walk yesterday--by the way, I meet the most wonderful people, pets and wild animals and birds on my walks--that I realized I've been writing, casting, acting, directing and experiencing my own created stories my entire life--all of them starting from within. Not only do we plot, write, and create a story--we also immerse into them in a gritty, sensual way, and we can determine where the story goes while we're living them. And--our attitude (grudge or gratitude) has everything to do with what we draw to ourselves. What an amazing gift....

I can choose to actively participate in the development of my life story. Pick the elements that resonate and appeal to me, or I can sit in the rollercoaster car and pretend to play the victim who just has to endure, who has to cope with whatever some entity or other person throws my way.

We don't have a destiny written in stone here--we have FREE CHOICE even if we came here with a purpose in mind, made on the other side of the veil, about what we hope to experience in this particular lifetime. We can make alterations to it while we're living it out. We don't have to maintain an already-established identity--especially if it no longer serves us and our movement into being the something more than the little human we once thought was all we were. Even the bad guys can become good.

We can choose to change.... and that often starts by opening to changing your perspective--opening up to seeing things from different angles, through different lenses--and not being so damned determined to be right, no matter what the cost....

The beauty is, as a human, we can plot and plan our stories down to the tiniest detail, but there is always going to probably be some aspect of ourselves that we are unaware of that can throw in a surprising twist--and I love those kinds of stories....

and.... here I am, getting to be in it, to participate in its creation along with my divine facet, and to sensually experience it from start to finish, however and if, I choose....

All the best, my beloved Humanity, as you create and live out your own stories, and thank you for being a part, in all ways, of mine....

The Benevolent Rebel

I have created a community on X called "Benevolent Revolution," 

I choose to create a safe and sacred space that nurtures open communication among us human beings--a space that seeks to enhance our awareness of the things we have in common. A place that unites us, no matter who we are or where we live.

I invite you to share your stories here of awakening into the more that you are. what it's like, any situations that led to an Ah-Ha! of personal realization. Sharing our stories helps all of us to feel seen, heard, supported and encouraged.... and to laugh....

Let's dwell in hope as we escort our beloved world into a new and broader spectrum of experiences now available to all of us as more conscious beings growing into deeper understandings of who we each and all are....and celebrating the joy and all the wisdom gained from playing together within our own sovereign creations!

I So look forward to reading and hearing all your stories!