"Love Thy Enemies": Can I Do That Purely and Sincerely?

"Love thy enemies.".... "Love your neighbor as yourself."...."Judge not lest you be judged the same." The parable of the Prodigal Son. These are a few of my favorites.

The enlightening and unburdening messages of Jesus/Yeshua--the actions he encouraged every person to do and feel into being--seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle of making him into a savior and a god to be worshipped. They instead get used as a finger to admonish someone else out there because most humans are afraid to look at themselves, afraid of what they may find. I know I was, especially after having grown up in the dense mental mass consciousness of the planet that had many of us believing we were No-Good Humans.

But it all changed when I got honest with myself and dared myself to look at my own secrets....

When I took to heart Yeshua's messages and actually asked for help in how to love my enemies and myself. "Dear god within, show me how to truly and sincerely love and accept my neighbors without judging them, so I don't judge myself."

"Help me see the value--the gift--of my existence instead of feeling so unworthy, so stuck in an identity that I can't seem to fix, undo, or avoid...."

"Help me to forgive myself...."

There's really no such thing as a secret....

.... because somebody always knows.... the owner of the secret.... and if it's a dark secret it will haunt you until you open up to a relationship with your own soul--that part of you that's aware you exist: "I am." Your own divinity within will help you shift perspective and see things from a much broader perspective--one that the Little Human can't see on her own.

Years ago, I read a book that gave this example on perspective and what seems to be true until you see the same situation from a much broader viewpoint.

Imagine a close-up of a caveman: He's viciously evil in demeanor. He appears devoid of morality. He's selfishness personified and it seems he is willing to do anything to win.

Then expand out to a larger perspective of the scene he's in. You'll see that he's backed into a corner, placing himself between a woman and child and an attacking huge saber tooth tiger. There's no way out. He's desperate....

As I opened up and began acknowledging there were things about myself that I feared, regretted, didn't like, my own divinity began to show me there was so much more going on at the time than that one little slice of a negative memory my mind kept looping through me as I attempted to monitor and keep myself under control. Some experiences you just don't want to ever happen again....

We currently have several celebrities, bureaucrats and politicians threatening to leave the country because Trump was elected. Some have already left. The fact that all of these people are stating the exact same narrative tells me they are being coerced, blackmailed, threatened in some way. It's obvious, isn't it? It's that caveman backed into a corner all over again.

I'm truly not interested in seeing and hearing about all their skeletons (been there, done all of that with myself). If they knowingly acted in evil ways, well, some part within them had to be nudging at them that they weren't going to get away with anything like that forever.

You see, I know there is goodness within all of us. It's just the individual's choice as to whether or not they allow it. And if you choose to play in the power illusion game, well, all that mean crap you put out is going to return to you--only it's going to hit you, the creator and originator of it, harder....You're better off coming clean to your own god within and being honest with yourself first rather than waiting for a list or incriminating videos to be revealed. Desperation can bring out the worst in people.

Put some Light there by inviting in your own soul to be a part of your life. No one is forever lost.... you played a role of persecutor and betrayer, and now that I know who I am and what I am truly about--that I can forgive myself and anyone who betrays me--I can remind you that you really aren't that awful being you pretended to be either.... but you need to realize and embrace that for yourself....

I don't need no stinkin' babysitters--Do You?

Jab or No Jab: It doesn't matter either way if one makes it insignificant in his own reality....

I realized all my perceived enemies pretty much peter out when I create a life or reality for myself in which I'm immune to the deeds of others. In truth, all the "they-s" out there are all my field of energies in service solely to me. No one can affect me unless I choose to make it appear so simply because I want to experience that type of situation--for a temporary time, if I choose. It doesn't have to be permanent. I don't have to stay stuck in anything if I choose to opt out.

I have watched humans grab onto the whole vaccination thing and run with it with gusto--some even deciding to let it kill them off or leave them suffering from life-altering, chronic imbalances. Some use their own fear of getting sick to point fingers at someone else who didn't get vaccinated or who refused to wear the gangster facemasks. Can't you see that the whole jab/no jab thing has been used as a fear-based distraction and manipulation to get humans fighting AMONGST themselves? A way to keep people "warring" with their own friends and loved ones? I'll be damned if it didn't work for a while....

Don't you know that the best way of dealing with bullies is to make them insignificant?

Jab or No Jab--just don't be affected by either.... and.... Whether or not someone gets vaccinated or doesn't get vaccinated is none of my damn business. That's just how we masters roll--those of us who accept total creative responsibility for our own lives and realities. If it's in my life, I put it there. It's serving me in some way....

When I look at the whole scenario from the viewpoint that I am the creator of my own perceived reality, well, it doesn't matter what others may only SUGGEST to me is true. It only manifests in my own life if I CHOOSE to make that particular suggestion a truth for myself.

What a distractive game we humans have going over vaccinations: People CHOOSING to tell someone else they have a duty to get it, while others CHOOSE to get deathly ill from getting jabbed. I actually watched an unvaccinated person delight gleefully over hearing that their close vaccinated friend got sick from Co-VID. It made me sad and horrified to witness such an awful, insane thing. That's how much fun humans were having over the dramas and traumas.

I've watched people giving up a healthy, joyful life all in order to prove they're "right." They're better off just ignoring the SUGGESTIONS and living their own life, instead of being the poster child of suffering. You don't have to tell anyone what you did or didn't do. It's your own life, dear sovereign creator, and just like I did, you alone gave your bullies life (brought them into being), and you either feed them and keep them in play by acting as their victim, or you opt to feed something more pleasant. Your choice....

Simply quit making any SUGGESTIONS you're tired of playing in matter at all!

How absolutely bizarre is it that people need some law enforced as to what bathroom they should use? REALLY?

.... my head is really shaking, and my eyes are rolling that this type of argument made it into the topics of what humans should consider highly important.... You've been duped, my beloveds, if you've allowed yourselves to get seduced and distracted into this one.

Here's a good rule of thumb--a guideline--if you choose to be respectful of yourself and of others:

It depends on your wee-wee, not on the kind of clothes you choose to wear: Is your wee-wee an outie or an innie?

Outies use the boy's bathroom. Innies use the girl's bathroom. If you happen to have been born with both, well pick one and use it consistently.

Of course, if it's an emergency and you don't have access to the right one for you, go ahead and use what's available. Just be courteous and explain the situation if other people are in there. Seems stupid to think some law has to be enforced. I would suggest letting the whole "issue" become no issue at all. I mean.... (still shaking my head).... really????

The old stories and belief systems are obsolete and are being revealed as they are being released and returned to zero point.

This past year, I observed the political and world scene more than I have probably ever.

I joined X two years ago simply because our beloved Elon Musk bought out Twitter and freely chose to allow it to be a free speech platform, no matter the cost. I just love the guy--he has such a joyful energy and passion for life and a profound love of humanity and for inventing stuff. A real standard of what anyone can be--even without being a genius. I even bought a blue check/premium account because I chose to invest in myself and in freedom of speech. You know--feed the things you love....

I delightedly watched as Vivek Ramaswamy appeared here and had heartfelt conversations with people of all walks--he listened to people, no matter whether they agreed with him or not, and he shared his passion of returning our beloved country back to the basics of freedom upon which it had been founded, free of bureaucracy and power-plays. He went unscripted--and just visited with people openly. It was refreshing to watch.

I know political speech when I hear it--politicians reading scripts, saying what polls tell them their audience wants to hear and then forget their promises after being elected. That's the reason why I haven't played the politics game and chose the self-sovereignty route. It was irritating to listen to nonsense intended to distract people from accepting their own freedom and self-sovereignty.

Then RFK, Jr came on the scene--open and authentic about his past stories with substance abuse and rising beyond it.... and.... passionate about the health of our people and the land that serves us. I could feel it--and my own heart sang. He chose Nicole Shanahan as his VP running mate and I listened to her with joy. It wasn't about fixing others, but more about giving people the opportunity to be more aware and to freely choose any options they felt worked best for them, the individual, and for their own children. Ultimately, humans are going to have to decide what kinds of lives we each choose to live and decide for ourselves what is and isn't poison for oneself, but they are looking at clearing out a lot of B.S., so people can make clearer, freer choices. It's a start in a newer, expanded direction.

I watched President Donald Trump--the catalyst of all the change in our government--as he miraculously kept on going no matter what was thrown at him while in office and the four years after. I keep seeing blurbs now that CO-VID was a lab-created bioweapon, and I had written about it being so way back in 2020, when a "friend" of mine had me censored and fact-checked on Facebook (Zuckerburg, I'm holding you accountable) for saying such things. Really--what are people doing messing with the creation of diseases anyway, except to weaponize them. Duh! It also hasn't escaped me that when the Russian Hoax was failing against Trump, the corona virus just "magically manifested" his last year in office. Everyone has great hindsight about what should have been done, especially with all the unsuppressed information we have now, but imagine yourself in President Trump's shoes at that time for just a little bit... He was pretty much covered in attacking jackals....

I'm pretty certain the 2020 election was stolen from Donald Trump, but I think it all turned out for the better because of the contrast provided by the following "Biden administration," or whatever the hell that was. It just brought more of the "controlling and manipulation of the masses" B.S. out into the Light of Day and revealed that just maybe Trump was onto something.

I can't tell you how often I've heard people through the years say, "The government needs to take care of such and such people." I just had to shake my head (yeah, I know it's a thing with me).

One, I tried taking care of people who insisted I needed to do that for them--the poor, pitiful things--and nothing changed. They didn't get better because they didn't have to. They had a cushy deal with me running around for them. I just got pissed off and resentful and finally realized I could still be a kind and actually more compassionately loving person by simply deciding, "No more." And going off on my merry way.

Two, I found anytime I looked for someone else outside of me--especially a bureaucratic government agency or insurance or medical corporation--I was going to spend most of my life, energy and time being sick or at least having yearly boob-squishing exams and being prodded and poked in places I'd rather not be prodded and poked. Very invasive and unnecessary as far as I'm concerned--for myself. I've got the gift of a life to freely enjoy and frankly, I'm not interested in spending it in waiting rooms and hospital beds--and contrary to all the hypnotic education around me, I actually do enjoy a quite balanced life without needing the attention of medical professionals on a regular basis.

The mainstream media kept trying to portray Trump as the Hitler of the 21st century but when I listened to him with my own heart, I felt his profound love of our beloved USA and the freedom for all that it stands for. I felt his genuine love of its people. I saw it in his actions when he didn't know he had an audience. I love that he chooses to end our wars, to quit the funding of any wars anywhere in the world....

Then I watched as these few people I've mentioned above and so many others set aside their differences in order to unite to basically restore the United States of America to a freedom for all foundation once again. They were forced to do so, as the old systems attacked them from every which way as it's been screaming and lashing out in its final death throes. The old power-playing survival of the fittest game is not going quietly.... but it is going. It can no longer sustain itself in a world that's had its fill of the power illusion experiences. We're done feeding those stories.

And yes, of course I am open to people lawfully emigrating here. Many of our own ancestors emigrated here and contributed to making our America the great land it once was. Some of us even have native American ancestors--something I'm grateful for because they have such a spiritual connection to the planet and the plant and animal kingdoms--such a respectful gratitude for their services to humanity. All I ask is that you learn our English language so we can communicate more clearly with each other, so we have less misunderstandings. And take responsibility for oneself. Keep your new homeland thriving and healthy--a place you're proud of creating and being a part of. Don't look for a government to take care of you. That's not something any government of sovereign people is meant to do.

I'm observing the Dementia-ravaged puppet Biden being manipulated by a few Last-Hurrah world controlling elitists into creating all sorts of laws and policies in an attempt to thwart the elected President and his cabinet appointments and the bureaucracy-clean-out in these short weeks he has left.

I've watched as they try to get our country into a nuclear war....

Once again, what do you do with bullies? Make whatever they try to do insignificant. So what if they put policies and laws into play? You don't have to abide by them, my beloved fellow sovereigns--let those suggestions float on by without attaching yourself to it.

Besides, our constitution doesn't support those kinds of nefarious activities, for one.... and.... Putin is intelligent enough to know that We the People--the true sovereigns of the United States of America are not condoning war of any kind, anymore.... We are NOT the ones attacking, and we won't settle for anyone claiming to do so in our names. Whoever bombs you, bomb that person alone or whoever is trying to play puppeteer. That'll end it.

After all the experiences of gaining and losing freedom that we've been through since starting out as the first nation ever to recognize freedom and self-sovereignty, I think we're all much wiser about liberty and what it truly means even than at the time of our founding forefathers. We've grown up and are much more mature about it.... I'm seeing and hearing more and more of that maturity all around me.... and it warms my heart and soul....

When you're at ease and embracing the relationship with your own soul--that eternal I am! facet that's been within us all along though we just couldn't seem to see it--well, freedom and self-sovereignty feels less and less scary and much more joyful. Let's embrace it with all our hearts!

Yes, it's a chaotic mess out there--but take the time to be alone with the real you so you can navigate it more clear about who and what you are. It's okay to feel anger. Don't suppress it. It's a legitimate feeling in these trying times. Just allow it in a space and manner where you're not actually harming yourself or anyone else. I'm a kid who grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere--I had lots of space to move all kinds of crap out of my system and I had nature to hug me when other humans couldn't. Life taught me I could also create a safe and sacred space in the middle of a city in the midst of a crowd. I could bring it in no matter where I physically was.

Creating your own SAFE SACRED SPACE wherever you are will help you maintain a balance as we transform into a higher consciousness planet where each human feels a sincere sense of love and gratitude for all....

I discovered something magnificent when I finally invited my soul--my own divine self--to join me in this human life. I, too, had done terrible things I prayed to have never, ever have done. Things which seemed impossible to undo. "You made your bed, Hon--now lie in it." That idea left me hopeless, just wanting to die. Where do you go when you seem to have placed yourself in a hell you alone are responsible for making?

You surrender.... beloved human.... Your soul has got this. Just like the Prodigal Son--let the Source of you welcome you home and nourish you with a real feast and celebration of the heart, body, mind, knowingness.... Your own soul has the Light and the Way just for you....

Not only did I find that I could actually forgive and love my enemies, I found myself thanking and loving my worst enemy of all--ME!

It's happening.... Nurture hope.... Nurture celebration of the gift that is you so you can easily do that with all others....

In love,

The Benevolent Rebel

"Feel into BEing FREE": Helping Victims Heal Themselves

Pointing a finger at my abuser only goes so far, and then it points right back at me, along with these tapes running on repeat through my mind:

"That's no way to be."

"That's just wrong. You're wrong!" (I admit I got it wrong but how do I undo it?).

"You should have known better." (Yeah--I actually did know better at the time, but....)

"You're being selfish." (You may see it that way, but I'm finally being honest and speaking up).

And then there were Dad's feelings of guilt after Mom died and repeatedly saying about himself, "I had too much." This coming from a man who thought that he was unworthy and felt he should nobly suffer along with the sufferers around him. 

A dear friend of his had this saying, "If I have two nickels and someone has none, I have ONE nickel too many." Dad gave BOTH of his nickels away....and suffered....and so did my mom who was trying to make ends meet raising a large family.

It's from his example that I learned the difference between empathy and compassion. Empathy is hauling around everyone else's burdens and pain like it's your own--suffering--but it changes nothing. It heals nothing. And people really don't like you "fixing" them.

Compassion is recognizing that people--Divine Sovereign Creator Beings--are choosing to have a Human experience, and while it may be painful to observe, you let them have their experience so they can gain the wisdom from it for their own soul in their own way and in their own time. You honor their sovereignty, and love and accept them at every point, even though you choose to disconnect from them when their actions no longer resonate with yourself.

This world is a chaotic-feeling mess and sometimes it's too damn easy for this human facet of mine to get sucked into playing in power games that I'd prefer to stay free of, and instead just live my own illuminated life. Kamala Harris's practice of not answering any straight forward question with a straight forward answer was really pissing me off. And she seems intent on punishing anyone else with a different viewpoint from her own under the guise of calling it "hateful speech" yet has no qualms about indulging in practicing it herself. 

Then, to top it all off, all these assassination attempts on Donald Trump, and insane people applauding it, plus the actual assassination and injury of people attending his rallies. People are so out of their minds with a nurtured hatred of a man, that they won't open up to listen and feel into matters with their own hearts. They are supporting the killing of another human being based solely on believing lies and propaganda doled out by individuals scrabbling for power and control. This does not sit well with me. It's disheartening to watch and for me to feel....I am quite empathetic, after all.... 

I do appreciate Donald Trump. I can actually feel his love of our country and of people of all walks, and I don't wish to see him martyred in some political ploy. He has reacted heroically and mercifully over and over again. Nor do I wish it upon Ms. Harris or the mentally incompetent man sitting in office due to elder abuse of a person who clearly has dementia. Does anyone else wonder who's calling the shots in the name of our beloved homeland?

How many heroes does it take to change my world, my personal reality? Only one can actually do it for me--and that's me.....ordinary-seeming me....

After realizing that I needed to stay out of the fighting and keep my personal energy field open and flowing so the crap out there didn't stick and manifest in my own reality and to keep myself illuminated to my highest degree, I started a daily practice of taking a good deep breath and FEELING into being FREE. 

It only takes me about 60 seconds, and sometimes when days feel a bit more stressful than others, I do it more than once. It shuts down the anger at the injustices and stupidity of blind humans. And more importantly, it shuts down the mentally accusing, self-torturing programming looping through my mind telling me I need to monitor and control my wayward, sinning, no-good, unworthy-of-even-existing self. 

Yep, as realized as I am, as much as I've taken responsibility for everything in my life--"If it's in my life, I ALONE put it there and I'm getting some benefit, some form of service from it, or it wouldn't exist."--I've still had those moments of Crappy Self-Doubt taunting me as its self-accusations cruise on through my head.

I put it there--so how can someone causing me to feel guilty and ashamed be serving me? Still?

My outer world of mirrors reflects this inner turmoil of a conversation by me constantly being admonished or criticized by people in my life. The most painful ones being from loved ones and people I admire and respect and support. I often can't believe they are actually saying these things or behaving this way with me. I don't feel safe with them.

The ONLY way I could get beyond having done anything and everything wrong as a human being was to RELEASE all of it to my Soul--that facet of myself that gave birth to this temporary human self. This courageous human who became The Experiencer of infinite ways of being in order to help my consciousness get to know thyself better and to celebrate my eternal existence. 

Justice cannot truly be done within the human realm alone--I needed the broadest perspective of my soul who doesn't judge its human partner. My soul celebrates the wisdom gained through all of the experiences--the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. It really doesn't care what I did to gain the understandings it gleans from me. My soul knows that I, the human, am just a temporary costume for a temporary story. The human dies, but the soul lives on forever.

By allowing myself to FEEL into being FREE, it allows me to let go of the stuff I can't humanly fix or seem to change--all that stuff I regret.

I relieve myself of all the burden and release it to my Soul, who distills all those icky details out--washes them all away--from all my experiences, revealing and leaving only the gem of experienced profound wisdom I couldn't have discovered without having immersed myself into such a confounding, shameful experience in the first place.

This is a key component to the whole sexual energy virus that has been my lifelong passion to resolve completely. 

It's getting down to the energetic, conscious, self-aware core of what's truly happening within. As it is within, so it is without.

When my own childhood story surfaced and I allowed myself to finally write about it, I knew I had a perspective that was not very popular--I knew I gave myself the experience, and I knew the choice was made at a more divine level rather than the human one--what human would possibly allow themselves to choose these types of painful, shameful experiences, right? I remember going into something of a trance-like state at the time and becoming the observer.... Something deeper was going on within me....and I was making and taking notes....

Click on this link to read my story: Bring That Which Is Hidden Into the Light: Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction

I've had people thank me for writing it and others tell me that their experience was physically painful and therefore, different from my own--like they were more of a victim than I was, and for most of these years, I've been giving all these people the benefit of the doubt instead of myself. I've second-guessed myself constantly. Should I really be talking about this subject? Did I truly earn the right to speak about it?

In all fairness, I was not abducted or forced, and the one who played the role of my abuser actually apologized to me later on in life. When it surfaced for me to heal, I actually felt their remorse and their hellish punishment of themselves. I could have made that person's life way more of a living hell than it already was. But it just wasn't in me to do that. While I experienced both pain and pleasure, the fact that I addressed the pleasure aspect of it rather than the pain had me doubting myself and my own worthiness in speaking about molestation.

However, I now know that it's my special circumstances that has allowed me to go deeper and into the core of what was happening within me rather than focus my attention on the other person. That person had to live with what they had done....and believe me, it was far worse than the prisons and punishments doled out by others....An execution would have been a relief and a release. 

It was never about my abuser. It was all about me. Knowing this about myself, how can I go on living, much less allow myself to have a joyfully abundant and easy life? Do I even deserve a graceful life?

I was never going to talk about my dirty little secret, ever. I hated it. I was so ashamed of myself for allowing it all to happen. I knew better, you see, and yet I still let it happen....I was a filthy, stinking human....

And that, my beloved Fellow Divine Human Beings--I'm referring here to every human--is the voice that has been cycling through my thoughts even up to this day. And my only way of going beyond it, releasing it, was to choose to give it all to my Soul and to practice, practice, practice Breathing and Feeling into just being FREE: of everything--my identity, my stories, my issues. Suddenly I'm just a pinpoint of self-awareness with my energies flowing and free. I just exist and it's easy, graceful, and smooth; empty of voices and accusations.

Don't jumble and junk it up with words and ideas--just open up and feel free....

I put myself through everything--but I have to be compassionate with myself about that, too, and therein lies my freedom....

We've been nurturing the Victim to the point of making it into an actual addiction--a way of being. It's a trap. There was no way out of that 180-degree swing of that pointing finger. It always came back to me. 

I kept myself playing the victim by looking outside of myself and blaming someone else for what I put myself through. And when I finally accepted responsibility for creating the experience for myself, I forgot to extend to myself the compassion and forgiveness I was so quick to give another. I NEEDED that self-forgiveness to heal myself. The other person was a piece of cake compared to actually forgiving myself. 

You see, I was still monitoring myself constantly. We're never ever going to do that again!

Inwardly, I was beating myself up for being a blind and stupid, overly-curious being, and that is what I was then radiating out to my world--so I just got MORE of it. More put-downs. More walking on eggshells for fear of doing or saying something wrong--and, even after all that, imperfect human that I am, I still managed to screw up from time to time.

It doesn't even make sense to berate oneself over something you didn't know or understand fully at the time, does it? Yep, my curiosity got the better of me and I got burned. I wouldn't condemn anyone else, child or adult, in this way so why did I do that with myself?

Sean Combs' alleged activities are the latest of the sexual abuse atrocities surfacing due to more Light illuminating the hidden, worst energy-feeding travesties in our world. I DO NOT CONDONE any of these malevolent activities, and as far as I'm concerned, those committing them deserve imprisonment for life. But asking his victims to accuse him isn't helping them to heal themselves of the core issue. Because, you see, in this case, his victims were often people who were desiring some fame for their entertainment talents, and he helped them get heard and established--for an awful price. They're ashamed....

This is the prostitute archetype within all of us humans that we're dealing with here. And that prostitute is going to be playing over and over within the victim's mind--claiming responsibility for selling themselves and telling them they deserved what they got. No one actually deserves that....but I can easily bet that that's the tape looping through the minds and hearts of every single victim....

I had a dream about being the prostitute on my knees servicing a line of men. I felt both disgusted with myself for allowing myself to do it and at the same time I felt committed to giving them the $16 worth of satisfaction I'd promised them....

This speaks of the imbalance between the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine that reside within every human, regardless of whether you're male or female. You have both. If it helps you embrace it, think of the two hemispheres of your brain. Each side has special traits and responsibilities for the balanced function of the whole--and they are connected by the corpus collosum. How's that for a marriage? 

The Feminine had a part in creating this off-kiltered leaning towards the Masculine--what is called the sexual energy virus in consciousness--because she handed all the responsibility for, and sovereignty over Creation to the Masculine. Things weren't going as smoothly as she'd expected and she blamed herself for what she believed was failure on her part. She stepped down from the partnership. And things got wonky. It's so damn easy to criticize and blame that other guy, isn't it, when you aren't the one having to handle it?

So, it doesn't matter what gender we are here, that extreme polarization--separation-- between the divine masculine and the divine feminine within every single man and woman is unconsciously influencing the way our personal life manifests. It's why we've had such a patriarchal world. Its polar opposite--a matriarchal world may look different, but the extremism would be just as bad. It would still be imbalanced. We need to embrace both within--not choose one over the other.

We, as a collective of humanity, need to start providing a safe and sacred space for the victims to heal themselves so they can participate in life feeling the joy of taking responsibility for themselves and their own balanced well-being--by sharing how to change the inner conversation we're constantly engaged in. By reminding one another to have compassion for themselves in all their experiences. So each person can then eventually reach the point of having gratitude for themselves as a human--the gratitude that is already felt by their own soul.

I have watched over and over again as those who perceive themselves as the victims actually abuse themselves and those around them. They feed off the attention and energies of those outside of them rather than unconditionally accepting and taking care of themselves. They look outside themselves for validation instead of just letting themselves off the hook. Essentially, the unhealed victim ends up becoming the abuser. It may not be in the same fashion--it may be physical abuse or it may be emotional, mental, or even spiritual abuse. If it's not addressed, completely released, it will surface and manifest somehow, somewhere....

When you have no more victims, the need for an abuser role becomes obsolete....the sexual energy virus has served its purpose and is no longer necessary. Humanity can now ascend into new experiences for its soul....

Let's quit the self-torture and choose to open up to more abundantly joyful lives. That past was just a human having an experience for its soul--none of us really did anything wrong. Can you let it go? Are you willing to set yourself free, Victim? 

My beloved--you're the only one who can....be your own hero....

Breathe and feel FREE.....

Stories, Stories--Everything's a Story

https://twitter.com/compose/articles/edit/1767948254438735872

I am now also writing and posting all my articles on X in support of Free Speech. Above is the link to this latest:

"Stories, Stories--Everything's a Story"

I started a community on X called Benevolent Revolution in order to invite others who've awakened to the more that we each and all are to share their own stories of what it was like to transition out of the old hypnosis and into the realization of the more true version of you. Currently, I'm its only member, but, hey, you've gotta start somewhere, right?

All the best,

The Benevolent Rebel

@binekpenny

 Stories, Stories—Everything's a Story

It was a much-loved 50-degree day in March in Minot, ND, and I was on the last leg of my walk home from my laps around the soccer park. I felt an extra spring in my step as I walked past our friends' and neighbors' homes. Memories circulated through my mind of a fun interaction that day with a lady friend who used to walk with me but couldn't in the past couple of years because of foot issues. She's one of those people who always brings a smile to me--she's just got that certain attitude about life that even if things are difficult, she finds the humor within to get herself through them. She brings candies for the staff to her doctor's appointments. She's simply a lovely, lovely being--always there to help out a neighbor, a loved one, a friend, even a stranger in need. And best of all--to have a hug and a laugh with.

Then there are some other beloved friends--a couple of cashiers, a guy who bags my groceries, and the samples lady who now works in the meat department at my grocery store. We have wonderful chats about life in general--perspectives on things, pets, what plans we have for the day or weekend, trips, favorite foods, coffees, recipes, how we plan to spend holidays. When spring comes, one of the cashiers works at the local greenhouse, and our chats turn into gardening ideas. I can get my groceries at other places way cheaper than there, but I choose to buy them from this store because of these people.

Unfortunately, it's this type of person who seldom makes the headlines of our news, and that's a sad commentary on what the majority of humans find attention-worthy. You see, I've found that the more attention I give to anything--doesn't matter if I deem it good or bad--I get more of it.

There are these amazing human angels all around us, quietly doing such grand work while seeming to go about fairly routine, even mundane, daily lives, and pretty much unaware of how amazing they truly are--what a gift they are to me in simply being. Unaware that their very consciousness makes the worlds of the lives they touch an even more wondrously beautiful and fun place.

As I made my way home, I had the profound realization that all of life here on Earth is a collection of stories. What happens in the stories doesn't really matter in the end because the details and pain are all distilled out--I've recognized that I don't remember the sensual feeling of the physical pains I experienced. Thankfully, I just remember the stories and only the gems of compassionate wisdom gained from them. This wisdom is acquired through living our lives out within our own creations as a human being. It's all that the soul--that the "I am" divine and eternal facet of us--cares about and retains.

So, we're all just creating and living out stories....

I LOVE stories! My favorite memories of growing up are sitting in my brothers' bedroom and hearing the tales they and their friends shared. Of course, they got even more exaggerated as the years went by, and those stories eventually became family memories and legends shared in the living room on holidays or get-togethers of some sort.

My brothers have such wonderful story-telling capabilities. I especially love the stories where they have no problem compromising their image if it can be turned into a good laugh.

For instance: I have a nephew named Heath who acquired the nickname, Beef, and he preferred that name when he was little because he connected it with being tough like roast beef. Oh, do I love that kid--and now he's all grown up with kids of his own, yet he let me know not so long ago, "Pen, those little boys you remember are still right here." This as he pointed to his chest.

Anyway, I digress. We were all at the graduation of my oldest nephew, milling around, a few of us hanging out on the stairs, when my brother, Uncle Tim says to Heath, "I hear you like to be called Beef." Then Tim gets this macho swagger of a stance, head-nodding, chin-in-the-air cool attitude, and sniffs with his lower lip out a bit more than the upper, "Ye-ep! They call me chicken." There he stands, proud as a peacock.

Oh, the roars of laughter as we sat around the kitchen table when friends and neighbors, old and new, and extended family members dropped in for a visit. I never wanted to go to bed when we had guests at night for fear of missing out on something fun.

And the man I partnered with--his sense of humor is one of the main things that attracted me to him and continues to do so. Innuendo is a favorite pastime of ours. Plus, we've been together long enough that we think the same and often find ourselves having the same thought out of the blue at the same time. That's always good for a shared chuckle.

The importance of open communication....

I've realized communication is key in any relationship story, and my husband and I have definitely improved in that area. I've recognized how vulnerable I feel when stating and standing in my own truth, but also now see and empathetically feel that in him and others, too. None of us is really out to hurt one another. We've just got a guard put up because of feeling so naked and not wanting to be rejected or hurt. 

The gift of having been in a marriage is that I learned to honor each of us as sovereign beings and to not only recognize, but also celebrate the different beauty of our individual paths. I learned to quit trying to guide and fix what I perceived as something he was doing wrong, and to embrace that his life was his own gift to live out. We can share tools and things we've realized for ourselves, but we don't try to force these things upon the other. It's a whole lot less hassle and burden and worry. And if I can do that with someone I'm close to, then it's easier to do with anyone else.

There is a freeing and flowing sense of being when I make it a point to drop my armor, to shut off my own thoughts about how right I think I am and quit trying to dominate our conversations; and instead, actually listen to what he has to say. When I can do that, I've come to realize we understand and often agree with one another more than I gave us credit for. He just has a different way of expressing the same ideas based on his own unique experiences. In short, we have less arguments and more fun times together.

I'm ready to write new kinds of stories....

I often dream of, I've actually even started writing, my own novel. I love music so I can feel it eventually evolving into a musical. But while I desire to make it relatable with other humans, I have no interest in writing the same old, same old story that's been told over and over ad nauseum with humans having issues with diseases, drugs, sex, alcohol or any other abuses or relationship dramas. Have you noticed that all the series written for TV have plots similar to the headlines in the news? You can tell what general year one was written by what stories were happening in so-called real life.

Then I watch people around me make those plot lines their own truth because they've accepted it as "this is just the way life is." And, frankly, I don't relate to people with addictions. Contrary to how my peers in the 1970s and 80s are portrayed, I didn't do drugs of any kind. None of it appealed to me. While I like a glass of wine or beer or maybe even a bit of whiskey once in a while, I don't feel the desire to drink it every night like I'm seeing plastered all over the shows and on t-shirts. It's not the way I grew up, nor is it a routine I care to make my own. Watching the use of substances to cope, escape, or get a buzz on to party more heartily, or seeing someone, with an obvious agenda, manipulating others is not entertaining for me. "Reality" TV is a waste of my time.

If you like that, that's just fine--please enjoy yourself. It's your life to do with as suits you. I'm just saying out loud what appeals to me, and that what's seen on TV or in the movies is not necessarily a true representation of everyone in society--possibly not even most people. But some often claim that as their own narrative.

I'm looking for something more--something magical and new. Something where there may be some dark night tunnels of the soul, some mystery or puzzle to solve, but it has great humor sprinkled in with the tears and fears and colorful characters--and always has a light at the end. I love uplifting sagas--not that commentary on the state of the world crap someone's deemed classic just because it leaves one feeling depressed and hopeless about the world we live in. I have to ask--what was the purpose in writing something like that? To me, that's not art--not really. It's someone succumbing to the whole victimhood identity and trying to bring the rest of the world down with them. It's a manipulative power-play--an energy sucker.

Ultimately, I perceive us ALL as divine and loving beings, regardless of the roles we act out here in our Earthly plays.

I like happy endings--a resolution that's a win-win, even for those who played the bad guy or bad lady parts. Most of the stories today either kill them off or put them away. They seldom show the villain awakening and sincerely having a change of heart and opening up to becoming the more that I've realized we all are. What if they were just volunteering to act out that badass role out of love for us, as fellow divine beings pretending to be just little humans? So that through all these stories, we get to discover all there is to learn about oneself and how our own energy fields serve each of us?

My best moments have been when someone approaches me and tells me that my presence brings a sense of ease or grace or joy to their own life. They've noticed me.... and....they took the time to tell me so....

I know many wonderful people who seek to live lives of cooperating peacefully with their fellow humans, and they are the ones who look for things we all have in common--not that which separates us even further. They aren't out to stoke the fires that keep everyone divided. This type of attitude is what will keep us from creating the very real possibly of another civil war in our beloved homeland--in our beloved world at large. Our greater community tales become the types of stories we nurture in our personal lives. 

Also, I've lived in the Upper Midwest of the United States of America for most of my life so really the only religions I've had much experience with are the many versions of the Christian faith. Around the time of the millennium, I read a book titled "The Urantia Book." It gave an overview on the origins of the various religions, and I could see that at the core of each there was a message that rang true with me. I don't practice any religion--I'm all about conscious awareness--but I appreciate all of them as being an important stepping-stone to the more that I know we all are.

I have lived a lifetime or two as a Bible-thumping Holy roller, who preached Hell and damnation for sinning humans who didn't come around to her way of thinking.... So, this isn't meant to provoke any arguments.

People are reflections of the type of god they worship, and if their god is a judgmental one--oofta!--they are often the most judgmental, condemning, and Un Christ-like people to associate with. I hear all kinds of stories of how undeserving someone is if the Holy Roller I'm talking with doesn't like that person. 

What pisses me off is that this preacher-type personality is so deep into her hypnosis that she insists on trying to proselytize me into taking on her own stories of trying-to-stay-out-of-Hell terror. I'm perceived as an unworthy, born in sin, heathen she's trying to get whipped into shape, so I don't end up burning eternally. The preaching at me gets old quickly. These types are not fun to be with. Nor are they in any way uplifting....

And.... then I have to step outside of myself and just laugh at the scene we're acting out together. I realize them being just the way they are has given me this insight into myself:

I'm more apt to actively listen to a story than I am to a lecture on how to be, what to think, how to feel.... 

And.... It's a waste of my own breath and our time to try to convince anyone else that they should be according to what I deem is worthy and right.

Part of me grieves at not having been able to openly share with the glass-half-empty lecturer in a more light-hearted manner--like we missed out on another grand opportunity for something more satisfying--for myself, for both of us.... but, unless they're willing to open up, we'll just disconnect for now....

It's your story--have at it. I no longer feel the need or desire to try to convince, fix, or change you to my idea of what's right. I'm done with the whole dinkin' around in stuff that isn't my business thing.

I know I unconditionally love these preachy individuals anyway, even though I may not like them in the roles they are currently playing out for me. I accept them where and as they are, always wishing them the best in life--and that's reassuring to know I feel that way--that I'm not putting the responsibility on some god-like entity outside of me to love them. I choose to love them, no matter what. Just as I've come to love myself, no matter what. After all, we're all just playing out stories to our hearts' content.... and we can come and go from each other's plots as we see fit.

I envision a different story, where we are thanking--with sincerity--the people whose lives touch our own, like those I mentioned at the beginning....

It was on that walk yesterday--by the way, I meet the most wonderful people, pets and wild animals and birds on my walks--that I realized I've been writing, casting, acting, directing and experiencing my own created stories my entire life--all of them starting from within. Not only do we plot, write, and create a story--we also immerse into them in a gritty, sensual way, and we can determine where the story goes while we're living them. And--our attitude (grudge or gratitude) has everything to do with what we draw to ourselves. What an amazing gift....

I can choose to actively participate in the development of my life story. Pick the elements that resonate and appeal to me, or I can sit in the rollercoaster car and pretend to play the victim who just has to endure, who has to cope with whatever some entity or other person throws my way.

We don't have a destiny written in stone here--we have FREE CHOICE even if we came here with a purpose in mind, made on the other side of the veil, about what we hope to experience in this particular lifetime. We can make alterations to it while we're living it out. We don't have to maintain an already-established identity--especially if it no longer serves us and our movement into being the something more than the little human we once thought was all we were. Even the bad guys can become good.

We can choose to change.... and that often starts by opening to changing your perspective--opening up to seeing things from different angles, through different lenses--and not being so damned determined to be right, no matter what the cost....

The beauty is, as a human, we can plot and plan our stories down to the tiniest detail, but there is always going to probably be some aspect of ourselves that we are unaware of that can throw in a surprising twist--and I love those kinds of stories....

and.... here I am, getting to be in it, to participate in its creation along with my divine facet, and to sensually experience it from start to finish, however and if, I choose....

All the best, my beloved Humanity, as you create and live out your own stories, and thank you for being a part, in all ways, of mine....

The Benevolent Rebel

I have created a community on X called "Benevolent Revolution," 

I choose to create a safe and sacred space that nurtures open communication among us human beings--a space that seeks to enhance our awareness of the things we have in common. A place that unites us, no matter who we are or where we live.

I invite you to share your stories here of awakening into the more that you are. what it's like, any situations that led to an Ah-Ha! of personal realization. Sharing our stories helps all of us to feel seen, heard, supported and encouraged.... and to laugh....

Let's dwell in hope as we escort our beloved world into a new and broader spectrum of experiences now available to all of us as more conscious beings growing into deeper understandings of who we each and all are....and celebrating the joy and all the wisdom gained from playing together within our own sovereign creations!

I So look forward to reading and hearing all your stories!

You Get Old, Lose Your Mind, Fall Apart, and then You Die....Or Do You???

This big ah-ha of a realization was brought to me compliments of a little elderly lady with dementia and a peeing cat.

Believing you're a Little, Just-Trying-to-Survive Human at the whim of a big, bad world....and the words,"I don't want to be a burden."

"I don't want to be a burden," says the nice little elderly lady--as though she has no choice in the matter. She repeats that phrase over and over like a mantra whenever she's asked if she likes where she's living or if she wants to change it.  

Her every choice is pretty much given over voluntarily by her to someone else when it comes to taking responsibility for her own well-being. She's checked out from this reality. She has to be reminded to bathe, and often one has to insist on it and make sure she actually does it. She's frequently back reliving her childhood and acting like the kid she once was. It's especially noticeable when she's asked to do dishes or some chore she'd rather not perform. Dishes get banged around, or she runs and hides in her room when groceries need to be brought in. 

She truly is a lovely lady with a fun sense of humor when she's present in her body. And she's pretty easy to please and pleasant most of the time, but like all of us humans, she has her moments when she's not much fun to be around. The naughties take over for a bit. Then there is the sentiment that, well, she's lived to get this old so she's allowed to get away with crap that you wouldn't put up with from someone younger. But when you're the one dealing with the behavior, it's a whole different story and feeling, and that idea just ends up being a guilt-trip no one needs to take. Especially when you're doing your best to do right by a loved one. You may be feeling angry--and rightly, understandably so.

She may insist she doesn't want to be a burden, and being the polite and loving caretakers she has around her, everyone rushes in to reassure her she's not being a burden. But the truth is, she is a burden for whoever has taken it upon themselves to take care of her....

She is so dependent upon someone else that you can't leave her sight. It's hard to get away for some much-needed time apart from anyone else in order to keep one's own energies free and flowing. We all need that--time to clear our own stuff out and free ourselves of having to think about the needs of someone else.

I watched a rerun of an episode of The Golden Girls and observed one of the characters, a senior woman living in a homeless shelter, lamenting about not having a choice and just bearing with whatever life brought her. Life getting old was just a series of disappointments, according to her take on it. There was no gratitude emoted from her--just poor, pitiful me victimhood from a nice-sounding lady....and....I realized it was a commonly held belief that really no longer resonated with me. 

I saw a woman playing out a role of CHOOSING to pretend she was a powerless little human at the whim of some obscure puppet master called Life. She didn't perceive or value her own life as a gift....and so, she just created for herself more and more trauma and pain and loss.

BE your own solution, Pen....instead of Life's victim....

I choose to not be a burden--I am not going to do that to my loved ones....and I am fully committed to that choice. 

I'm living my best life and gratefully taking care of this human life--The Experiencer--the gift to my soul that I am....

And when I'm done here, I'm walking out--no drama or trauma--just maybe a going away celebration to thank all my loved ones before I head off into other realms of exploration....

Trying to get someone else to accept my own ideas of what is right, playing the victim of someone else's choice--what a vicious cycle. Yet, it's so deeply programmed within every single human, down to our very cells--that this is just the way life is--that most of the time we're unaware we're letting it run our own lives.

No amount of do-gooding on my part can change the story of someone who is choosing to play victim to anyone or anything. It won't work. You can't heal someone intent on staying in an imbalanced form--whether it's a disease or a relationship or a state of being. And no matter how dire the circumstances, a CREATOR CHOICE is actually being made by the individual experiencing it, though they are most likely completely unaware of it. So, even not wanting to be a burden is actually a choice being made--wanting--being the key word.

Wanting and Choosing are two very different words. Feel into each one:

Wanting states that it isn't an experience you're currently having. It may be a potential out there, but it's elusive--you can't quite get it into full manifestation. It can even go so far as being something you can never attain. You're left wanting....you're left "in limbo." Just hanging out, nowhere to go....and so you don't. "I'm in limbo." is another statement often made by our dementia lady, as she waits for someone to tell her where she's going to live. She's been in the same place over 18 months, but to her, it's only been a week or two.

"I want...." also has a victimy whine to it--a defeatist attitude, if you will.

But choosing--now, that's a master's word. That's an I'm taking a conscious action word. It's a potential right here at hand, and I'm picking it and doing it. I am creating the life I choose to live--I'm done playing the role of being its victim.

That is how the Survival of the Fittest hypnosis is--you quack like a duck because you believe you're a duck. And that becomes the status quo of your life, where nothing much changes, until it's your time to NATURALLY awaken to the truth of who you really are. Then you begin to question all those once-accepted suggestions about how life is. That passionate knowingness deep within you springs to life, certain and singing, "I am so much more....I JUST KNOW IT!"

A slow grin starts to form on your lips as you imagine and contemplate new possibilities. And then you start literally waking up and living each new day according to that magnificent realization....I am the source, center, and creator of all my experiences--what a gift! What do I choose to experience today?

An itty-bitty little kitty taught me an important lesson on how to make a clear--and committed--choice based purely in love of all parties involved...

Who would have thought that the adoption of a 9-month old kitten could have created so much drama and trauma, and yet hold such a pearl of wisdom at its core?

Back in July, 2011, all I thought was that my husband had brought home a cat for me to take care of without consulting me first. He truly thought he was surprising me with a gift. 

I was hypnotically playing the role I CREATED of  "Victim of Husband Who Doesn't Listen to Her."

We already had two cats who got along famously--one of them was older, and I was afraid of him feeling like he was being replaced. Yeah, I know I projected my own feelings on my pet, but that's pretty much what humans do. I also was afraid there wasn't enough of me to go around to properly spend the time and attention with each cat as needed. It was actually a recurring nightmare with me. We'd had neighbors who had adopted three cats at different times and none of them got along. I just didn't want that upset in our home.

I was determined he would have to find some other home for her. I wasn't going to get attached. But when I'd go into the mud room where we had her separated from the other cats in order to get everyone used to one another, I'd sit on the toilet seat to visit with her, and this darling little thing would crawl up onto my lap and sweet-talk to me and gaze at me with such adoring eyes that my heart melted. She was mine--here to be with me, no matter the circumstances surrounding how she got here. Plus, she adored our eldest cat, Max, and on my three-cat escort down to the kitchen each morning she couldn't help herself--she'd throw her front paws around his neck as they walked. It was so cute and funny. Max wasn't so sure about this new kid, but he tolerated her.

And then...was that pee on her little pink princess cushion her previous owners had sent along with her? 

Indeed, it was....and for seven years I tried everything that occurred for me to try--from  burning sage to clear the energies in our house (she actually followed my brother from room to room as he burned the sage) to calming odor-emitting plug-ins, different litters, punishment by putting her outside for pottying where she shouldn't. She acted guilty and ashamed, but the story never changed. I tried getting mad at her, and then not getting mad at her. We'd get up each morning searching the house for pee spots, and I'd feel so embarrassed when someone would visit and I'd discover a spot and a smell that we'd missed. You know, you get desensitized after being in it for so long. I gave up trying to have rugs in the entryway, kitchen, or bathrooms--they were all an invitation for her to have a nice little wee on something that was easy on her declawed front paws. 

We didn't declaw her--her previous owners did that (most likely not knowing what they were actually doing to her)....and....I realized that is probably what brought on the peeing behavior because she acts out a poor little kitty show by limping out of the litter box room, especially when she doesn't have to go. The limp magically disappears when she hits the wool runner. A friend of mine told me about getting her Himalayan (same breed as our Bella) declawed like she had done with previous other cats without issue--but with that particular cat it changed its personality.

The limp has a legitimate basis for Bella because I see her favor it on cold services, but she also knows how to fake it in a bid to get sympathy. It's pretty cute to watch her act the part--and it was nothing I encouraged. She just knows how to work it.

I don't go in for declawing. I think it's inhumane--like removing fingernails from a human. You don't realize how much you use your nails until they're out of commission for some reason. Granted, our furniture looks like cats live here, but we're also finding that they have a tendency to leave microfiber alone and that's definitely influencing our next choice in furniture.

I made a choice to quit playing being the victim who wasn't listened to by whomever my finger was pointing at. Instead, I opened myself up to taking charge of my own life and experiencing something new.... 

Finally, January 2018 rolled around, and in the midst of Kel and I having yet another row over this frustratingly cute peeing machine, we both came to a clear realization and a mutual commitment that changed everything. 

He threatened to give her away for the umpteenth time when he saw how frustrated I was with her--with the whole situation. He felt bad and responsible and was just basically reacting from that emotional place. 

But this time I said and felt a clear, "NO!" An absolute ah-ha! came to me and solidified--giving her away was not an option I wanted to ever take. In that moment, I realized that she was family. She was our version of a child, and I said, "You don't give your bed-wetting child--someone you love unconditionally--away. You look for a way you can BOTH WIN! You do whatever it takes."

That perspective shifted everything....

This time, out of love for our cat and for ourselves, WE BOTH made the COMMITMENT to create a better life for ALL of us--and more importantly, we acted on that choice. 

We put that choice into actual, practical motion....

We decided to re-train her--using positive reinforcement and repetition. We united and made it our mission to make it work out. We brought a litter box up from the basement and put it in the mudroom along with a dish of cat food topped with a treat when she went in there. We put her in there morning, noon, night and middle of the night, and had her stay in there for five minutes at a time or until she went potty....and then we praised the daylights out of her. We all won when she went potty in the box.

Gradually, a new story emerged and she became a whole new kitty. She walks around with her tail up instead of slinking away and hiding. She hangs out with us throughout the day. She and Tiff love sharing DQ chicken strips with us. She knows that "picnic" means she gets to eat her wet chow outside when it's nice or inside by the furnace vent when it's cold. She now interacts and plays with Kelly, whereas, before, she was more exclusively my cat and was a bit wary around men. She waits for him to crawl into bed so she can have her special time with him, and she sleeps on him most of the night because I move around too much. She's such a fun little chatter-box--mewing at me sweetly when I clear a tickle in my throat. She knows to check the mud room for a treat which I often sneak in in order to get ahead of things. She'll saunter out licking her chops and I'll know I've been had. She'll go potty even if there aren't treats--it's become a bit of our time together. Our other cats like having company and compliments, too, while using the facilities.

She was hanging out by the storm door one day when our postman dropped off a package and he turned to tell me as he headed back to his truck, "Your cat is beautiful!" Needless to say, he's my favorite mail carrier.  

This past year I found Dr. Elsey's Cat Attract Litter for cats that have an aversion to using the litter box. By the way, that's the number one reason cats are given away. It has an earthy herbal scent similar to that found in the ground outside--and all our cats love it and use it. Bella even covers her stuff up now, something she seldom ever did before. The limp isn't appearing as often either.

Learning the importance of practicing loving gratitude for myself....

Leading up to the Apocalypse back on March 22, 2023, I've realized that I had committed to the choice of taking care of myself. I walk to flow energies and I stretch every morning now with a sensual joy of being in a body that I enjoy being in instead of hauling around in shame. When I stretch, it's not about over-doing it or simply going through the motions of an exercise. I'm feeling into myself and appreciating the sensations of muscles responding to my attention. I'm enjoying this new awareness and improving flexibility. 

FYI: It's just occurred to me while having a conversation with a friend about doing exercises that all the stretching I do on a consistent, daily basis--I do it all standing up! When my back was at its worst, the last thing I wanted to do was to get down on the floor to do exercises--it was too painful getting up and down from the floor. 

I found a simple Japanese towel exercise (also done standing up and is over with in 2 minutes) that I added in a few months back that's simple and easier to do than sit-ups--and has been way more effective in toning my adductor (abdominal) muscles. It places the organs back down in the pelvis--you get a rounded tummy from those muscles going lax, and your organs start floating upwards, pressing on your lungs and heart. I got my waistline back--and with ease by doing that exercise combined with glide-walking as taught by Esther Gokhale (Google "Primal Posture" and stretch-sitting--she has my utmost gratitude). I now understand core strengthening--I can feel it, and I no longer injure my back or limbs when shoveling or gardening, and my walks are once again a sensual joy of being in a body.

I cut down on the baking and the sweets and chips intake. I used to bake and not care to eat it, and I'm finally experiencing that once again. I also no longer crave potato chips like I used to. It's a joy to bake and share really tasty creations with others, but I no longer want to eat a whole batch of something--a taste is often enough. Sugar is not totally eliminated--we still have cappuccinos in the morning, but we left off the practice of afternoon coffee and snacks, and instead have supper earlier. We eat an apple and a clementine daily, and I make homemade Dutch oven bread which we toast and have for breakfast, along with homemade jam. I crave salads and fresh vegetables again. I don't follow any diet--I enjoy meat and beans and potatoes, too, as well as grains. I follow my intuition and just mix it up as I see fit.

I never used to eat as often or as much as I have in the past several years--I dived into mass consciousness and started taking on issues that weren't mine--and I put on weight in the process. It's finally coming off.

We even played a game of kickball with our friends about a month ago. Yes, I felt muscles I didn't know I had afterwards, but considering I've been here acting out Life in this vessel for 60 years, it wasn't too bad--and I look forward to doing it again. That and other fun physical activities and games that I haven't done since my back started releasing its old stories when I awakened.

I've gained a significant understanding now in how to create a life I choose to experience by practically acting on it. Acting on it gives it that little extra oomph needed to get my energies aligned--because I'm letting them know I'm committed to a choice, to a direction. I'm no longer wishy-washy and playing at being the victim of my own world, which in truth is, my own creation.

Our beloved Bella is currently curled up on my lap, helping me write her story about her amazing contribution to my understanding on how to make a clear, committed, creative choice....CREATORSHIP 101....The greatest realizations often come in the smallest, simplest moments and packages....and I am so grateful for this one! She's one of the greatest gifts and loves of my life....

I'm also feeling deeply grateful for the contributions from a fellow divine being who's currently playing out the role of little old, helpless lady having memory issues--all for me, just so I could get really clear and honest about some things....and make some different choices for myself....

I am that I am: Source, Center, Sovereign of This--MY DOMAIN!

 This is my domain!

It finally hit me full force this morning: I've been dinkin' around my entire life as if I'm the alien being here in my own damn creation! Poor little human me who just never fit into the world--wah, wah, wah. Blah, blah, bloody blah....what the hell??? I've whined about not fitting into my own damn created world! I insisted on playing the role of VICTIM in my own creation--a poor little meek--mostly nice-acting, and powerless victim at the whim and not much mercy of a bunch of power-playing neanderthals.

NO MORE playing the role of VICTIM!!! That's bullshit!

I am the SOVEREIGN here, on this, my planet--my own personal reality creation. And every single human is the source and center and creator sovereign of their own world/s, as well. It's all a matter of perception. I'm the ruler--the master here--and as such, I can kick out anyone or anything that does not resonate with me....so any malevolent bastard bit of plasma that I alone put into play in my domain: WAKE UP or get the FUCK out of my reality! You're all done here!

I am HERE to STAY!!! 

No more of that waffling around trying to decide if I want to stay or leave when I get tired of the power-playing illusion bullshit--it's MY world! I am here....and....I'm allowing myself ease and grace and abundant joy in being here!

And so it is....and so I am....

Releasing a Vow of Eternal Atonement

 "Release all vows."

It was probably one of the first shouds of Crimson Circle that I listened to, and it resonated deeply within me that, yes, it was important to release myself from any and all vows. In fact, I thought I did release myself from all of them, then and there. But little did I know that another life expression of my soul--The Dark Lady--had made a vow of eternal atonement, and she's still been sticking it to me even long after I became aware of her existence. I've been living according to her laws--which have kept me imprisoned, muffled, suppressed, banished, and shackled from living a true life of ease, grace and abundance. According to her, we were never going to be worthy of deserving anything better than hell on Earth.

That vow has influenced every breath I take in and breathe out into creative expression in this lifetime--and probably many others. It's reigned over my feelings and my demeanor in my daily life--I've been overly, deeply sensitive, and quick to feelings of guilt and shame, of unworthiness of existing at all....and....try as I might, I haven't completely freed myself from her shackles until today--at least a decade or more after I became aware of her in my life....

I know she did horrendous, abominable things (I have no desire to remember any of them)--things she later looked back on and cringed from in horror, deep agony, self-revulsion, and feeling punishments of any kind would never be enough to erase what she had done. She never wanted to DO THAT again, ever!!!!

And I realize more so now, today, that her victims back then are currently people and loved ones surrounding me in my present life. Some are even individuals in consciousness organizations with whom I resonate deeply. Some have caused me pain and made me feel less than. Her life experience and vow so permeated my life that I have been afraid of harming anyone to the extent that I'd take hits from people and turn the other cheek for another swat, and I'd empathize like there was no tomorrow. I'd soak up someone else's issue, taking it on as my own--and I've long known better than to do that. 

"That's no way to be, Pen!" How many times have I heard that? And it always brought up shame and guilt in me, even when I really had no reason to feel that way. All anyone had to do was suggest that an action I might take was "just wrong" and it would stab me to the core and there I'd be--just plain wrong. 

No one could do otherwise with me because of that Vow of Eternal Atonement that I had made in another lifetime altogether--a vow that I wasn't aware existed still--even long after I'd thought I'd released all vows!

I'm no perfect specimen of a human being, but there were cases where I allowed others to say and do things to me that I really shouldn't have. But then, I was just coping the best way I knew how in those moments, just like we all do. Until we realize what's truly happening and that we can free ourselves to let the old laws and vows ALL GO. That we can make new choices. And that carrying those old burdens no longer serve us or anyone else.

All those moments and years of frustration, anger and disappointment I felt when those that mattered the most to me seemed to not care to hear me or truly value me--I felt totally invisible--it wasn't "them" doing anything at all. Absolutely no one did anything to me that I hadn't already scripted out for someone to role-play out for me. It was all me. It was all my energies in service to unrealized me. I didn't realize until yesterday that it was all that atoning aspect running the show, attracting to me things I didn't want to experience or feel.

As I feel into it more, I'm pretty certain the Dark Lady inflicted upon herself (and the rest of our soul expressions) a vow of banishment, as well. I felt myself shatter and scatter when participating in groups--even groups dealing with conscious awareness. I found it difficult to complete group projects or even my own artwork when done in a classroom setting. I could handle being in the peripheries, but being the center of attention just didn't work too well, no matter how much the human part of me fantasized about being a star. She'd played the power card in that lifetime and appropriately lost everything big-time, especially our sense of worthiness in even existing....

For anyone ever taking part in the barbaric insanity of torture, murder, vengeful mobs, riots, war: all that destruction of lives, homes, lands--when it's all said and done--you have to live with yourself, and I can tell you from my own experience from the Dark Lady's life that it ain't easy. The karma that comes back is at least ten times worse than what you put out....I made it that way for myself so I wouldn't be inclined in my unawakened state here as a human to do such things ever again. The price was too great. And that vow of eternal atonement was pure hell.

And....the only resolution or way free was to realize it was all just an act (temporary and not permanent)--a "Let's Pretend" game like young kids play out together while using wildly vivid imaginations.

That was the only perspective--my soul's viewpoint--that worked for me. The Dark Lady was immature and naive about this Earth game, and, like anyone ignorant of what she was getting into she just dived in with glee and thoroughly immersed into the role of insane Little Human on a power kick, completely unaware at the time of the consequences or ramifications.

I released myself from all laws and realized that the recurring dreams I had of not being able to find familiar and favorite pieces of clothing was that it was me letting go of some old laws that were obsolete for me....you feel kind of naked....

I've just recently made the choice to let all laws go--to free myself of all of them. And that's probably why I've made this new connection to the Dark Lady story. It made room for more clarity on why I've been feeling stuck even though I've recognized the wisdom gained through all these human experiences I've traversed through for my soul for most of the writings in this blog. She was so familiar I'd gotten used to her--like a worn-in, half-ways comfortable even, piece of clothing--and I could never fully seem to rid myself of her hold on me. In a twisted way, she was keeping me safe from myself.

I think I released myself from most vows and laws I'd made without having to know their specifics, but the fact that this was an eternal one--that was the clinker. It's suddenly hit that these are and always have been my energies in service to me. That I'm the only one that can un-create them. That if it's in my life, I put it there and I'm getting some sort of benefit from its existence in whatever way, shape or form (like another person wagging a finger at me, for example). I put it there--or some other life expression of my soul, in this case--and only I, the awakened master facet of my soul, can remove it.

There is nothing I have to mess with here....it's still sinking in--all the realizations and ramifications surrounding it are extensive. It's always been my own energies serving me by matching the consciousness I'm radiating out in the moment--this apology for existing by a role-playing Dark Lady who immersed so deeply into darkness that she went mad and did stuff she wished she'd never ever imagined at all....

And....I release myself from ALL Vows and Laws, eternal or otherwise....

I'm as benevolent as they come--I'm not going to harm anyone, including myself, ever again....I'm too aware now of who I truly am and how my energies are serving me....

The Greatest Fear of All: Being All Alone

 What if I am all there is?

I really thought that 199th post was my last one here. But since then, I've had a realization that being afraid of being alone is probably what got me into this whole mess in the first place. It's what got me down here on Earth pretending that I'm just a very limited little human for what's been eons of an illusion called time. I've realized that this one on ultimately feeling All Alone should actually be the final post, rounding the blog out to an even 200....

Realizing I'm all there is, realizing I can't go Home, is pretty much what I've been running from....

As I've said many times before, I've felt like I've been an observer most of my life--always on the outside looking in, not really belonging, not even really noticed by the rest of my world around me unless I could be used as a means to an end in some agenda. 

I realize that's pretty much how my divine facet--my own soul--must have felt when The Experiencer part of me forgot it was there. When I believed I was just some very-limited, little human speck trying to survive. And trying to be at least half-ways decent in the process.

All those lifetimes spent trying to make myself perfect for some entity out there I presumed was greater than myself. Back when I didn't realize my own soul was right here the whole time waiting for me to just reach that point of separation and naturally wake up from the I'm Just a Little Human Dream....

Q: "Who am I?"

A: I was whooshed through a tunnel of light and non-burning flame, pressure on my head, hair streaming behind me, and felt myself emerge into nothingness--a misty, gray void where I was aware of being, but I was formless as I "looked outward" into a vast space. I seemed to be the only one here, yet I wasn't afraid. Finally, I perceived a tiny bubble passing through....and then, a few more...

I have watched people around me seeking a mate, a best friend, or some group of people--a family, a circle of friends, a spiritual or religious organization, political party, business, etc.--with whom they felt a sense of belonging, of BEING SEEN as an important part to the larger whole. It was so damn easy to recognize this struggle in someone else and yet refuse to look at myself. Frankly, I was actually wanting the exact same thing all those others were. I just couldn't quite admit it to myself....

No matter how loosely formed a group is, the Sexual Energy Virus is going to sneak in there because of our natural tendency to focus on the outer world and try to manage it. That's what's happening within any group....

There is a group focused on consciousness that, for the most part, I felt was a safe and sacred space to be most of the time. But there have been a few moments through all the years I've connected with them where I felt unappreciated--actually unnoticed even--as the individual that I am. 

Being the cheerleader of everyone else out there and ultimately still feeling insignificant, unacknowledged, completely unseen....

I'd feel sincerely grateful and cheer the leading individuals in this organization on when something they did or said really resonated with me--and it often did, and was right in line with my own realizations of the moment--but my personal efforts of reaching out one-to-one was never reciprocated. I'd constantly tell myself it didn't matter, that being noticed wasn't my reason for reaching out....and....it actually did matter to me, and being noticed was at least one reason.... 

What I got for my financial and energetic support and my personal notes of thanks was an autographed Christmas card sent out en masse and a couple special channels for all of us as a group who donated on a recurring, scheduled monthly basis. I recognized that in the consciousness we were in, they needed the finances from donations and workshops to provide their special services to a growing number of people awakening around the world--and I fully supported that. I still do. But ultimately, it still lacked the personal fellowship I was looking for.

We humans want to both belong....and....

to be outstanding in that....

In retrospect, I see now that all I was ever seeking was meaningful personal interactions, and, realistically, the organization was never set up to be every individual's best friend. Their mission was always that of just letting all of us humans know we weren't alone, in that, while we each were lone, sovereign creator beings basically in our own worlds, there were others like us out there. 

Humans try everything in the book to see if we actually matter to anyone else in the world out there. We get sick--even chronically or terminally so--just to see if someone cares. And if someone actually does, it's strangely not enough either. Or those caregivers seem to get mad at you because of having to take time out to wait on you instead of living their own life. Go figure....

We bully and abuse others and we let ourselves be abused just to get some attention. We look for someone to commiserate with who has the same type of story going. Only they could possibly have a semblance of an understanding of what we're going through. But after awhile, even that gets old--at least, all of it does for me.

Social media "friendships"--it's turned out I can pretty much live happily without them....

The friendship I extended to some individuals on social media sites seemed to actually mean nothing to them. I seldom, if ever, got a response back from some of them, or if they did respond, it ended up being spam. 

I'd probably have more interaction with people if I invited more than the handful I currently have to be my friends. I just got so fed up with the whole social media experience by the time we got to the end of 2020, that I cancelled my accounts. I got picky about inviting too many followers when I rejoined Twitter (now X), when Musk bought it and made Free Speech the basis of its platform. I paid for a blue check to make my blog a bit more visible on X, to let myself say and publish whatever I want to say, but that's pretty much all it gets used for these days. For that, and for keeping an eye on the events of the world without getting too involved in any of it.

I left Facebook because it was all ads, biased narratives, and agenda-ridden; and it was used to provoke fights among friends and family. I watched as it was used as a platform to divide a nation, and a world. 

There were a couple people on there I once thought were actual friends, who never responded to my supportive or appreciative comments on their postings. The one-time interaction one of them had with me was to comment on my posting about the censoring of free speech. He said, "I don't know why people are so upset about 'facts.'" This, after another supposed mutual friend of ours turned me into FB's "fact-checking" fascists. 

Yep, that experience still rankles....You're sitting down visiting with your friends, having coffee--who invites a third party in to regulate and biasedly "fact-check" your conversation according to an opinion out there? Some friendship that is. That was started simply to divide and conquer, and I watched way too many people get sucked into ruining friendships. I haven't cared to interact with those individuals ever again. 

So much for social media being used to connect a world....some people just want to fight and argue and don't care about actually listening and interacting with joy and celebration of ourselves and each other....

Social Media--that one big group out there dependent upon technology.

So is the joy of social media for us little fishes in the huge ocean that is mass consciousness. It's pretty rare that most of us humans actually stand out in it. I'm not into branding or trying to play the latest role of "influencer." I don't vlog or much care to see myself on the screen. I'm making zero bucks writing this blog. 

Watching all these celebrities threatening to leave the USA if Trump gets elected--well, they're just silly and deluding themselves if they think that anyone else actually cares where they live. For me, if I've admired their work in the past, I suddenly find myself not wanting to watch or listen to anymore of their creations--past, present, or future. They've essentially ruined their own connection with me by going political. And those threatening X (to leave it or to sue it) for its free speech platform cause me to wonder what personal shame they're each trying to keep hidden. 

Social media didn't exist for most of my life, and it is essentially a reliance upon technology as a means of connecting. The question is, though, is it serving me by helping me to connect with my outer world the way I really desire to connect--to connect from the heart? Or am I just feeding and eating a diet of mass consciousness B.S.?

I rationalized people's not responding to my attempts to connect via social media or the internet by telling myself, "They're busy doing all this stuff. I don't want to waste their time. I don't want to take them away from doing their important work. I don't want to be a pain in the ass."

I've pretty much spent most of my life not wanting to be a burden in any way, shape or form--it's often had me spending way too much time guessing if I should reach out or not. Am I being an intrusive imposition to someone? It's an old, wounded aspect that's been running my life, and I'm feeling myself finally telling it, "Shut the effenheimer up, you tantrum-throwing, life-hogging little bastard!" It's cramping my enjoyment of my own life.

If I'm not worthy enough in my own perception of myself--if I have so little appreciation of myself in my own reality--then I'm certainly not going to get a sudden boost of gratitude and esteem from anyone or any group outside of me. And certainly not on social media. Because all of that out there is just a reflection of me interacting with myself. It's a conversation that's been on a loop in my head.

My internal narrative has to change to seeing that I'm really all there is--and if I'm not embracing that and celebrating that then no one else will either....

Whether it was a group or simply a relationship with one other person, I  ALWAYS found myself giving up at least a smidgen of an iota of my own sovereignty--and even a smidgen of an iota ended up feeling like too much....and....

that always ended up with me feeling all alone....even with others....

Someone in a group would come up with some project and we were told to jump on the supportive bandwagon because what "they" were doing represented all of us. That irked me, too. Where the hell was I in all of this? And, yes, in all transparency--if you're sensing some anger in me, you'd be right on. I have felt betrayed, and I've found myself leaving certain groups. Then returning. Then leaving again, returning again, and finally now letting it all go. Yep, for awhile, at various times throughout my relationships with others out there, I've been one pissed off Penny (this as I'm shaking my head, grinning at myself).

I sometimes felt lumped into one glob of humans that didn't represent where I was at the time--you know, like when the teacher punishes the whole class for the antics of one or a few students who didn't have any consideration for others. Whiners and complainers (squeaky wheels) would state something, saying they represented many of us others in the group--but it didn't represent me. Not really. 

I've just had it with somebody presuming they are, or that someone else is, speaking on my behalf. I am truly the only one who can represent or speak for myself....period. 

We may all be candles, but our individual light is the only of its kind: 

Don't blur me in with the others....

It's not in me to complain about something in a group when somebody else is at the forefront actively doing all the work and often taking the brunt of all the criticism. In fact, I've found myself defending those people, energetically protecting them. It's their prerogative to do however they see fit if they've gone to all the effort of creating an organization that reflects their own values and desires of being of service. I don't expect or want others to tip-toe around trying to please me.

Nor is it my place to judge anyone. While I sometimes do disagree with other's ideas, I know I can always leave and do my own thing. Whining in an attempt to control or manipulate others in order to get one's way--the sexual energy virus--is something I have zero tolerance for anymore.

And....I've recognized that ultimately this whole wanting to belong to an outer world--a group, even a family--is essentially the Sexual Energy Virus in a nutshell. We're trying to fit into an out-there world simply because we're afraid of being in here, all-seemingly-alone....

I don't really belong in any group....

In my own perception, I'm naturally always going to be at the forefront, standing out within myself, and being truly seen only by me, and only as much as I'll allow myself to see....

One thing I do appreciate about myself is, no matter what, regardless of whether someone's gifted me with something precious or something crap--I will always get to the sense of feeling gratitude for the experience because, even in the worst cases, I recognize that I gleaned some gem of wisdom from them. It's not always immediate, sometimes even taking years--but, ultimately, I'll always get to that place of grace....I know that without a doubt....

I'm realizing that maybe I should focus all that cheerleading of others on myself....

I could leave right now and no one would really care....life here will go on without missing a beat....

It's a sobering thought. One I've had many times through the years, especially in those moments of realizing that, in my world, I'm truly the only one who sees me and can fully appreciate my own life, my beingness, my highest perspectives....

No one else is really going to care about my leaving this world, because in their own world it's really only about themselves, too. For all of us it's about how that loss of someone else affects us--how we feel about our own life with and without them--if it does at all.

The old programmed hypnosis wants to kick in and chastise, "That's selfish! That's no way to be!" Yeah, well, it's been my realization that accusations like that only come from someone who's not really in touch with themselves or their own soul....

I really am all there is--it's just me and my soul and our wisdom gained from me playing in my own creations....

and....when I do go, my one-of-a-kind world--my reality as only I know it--goes with me....

Now that I realize I'm all alone can I be okay with that?

It's really what's been happening all along--I just refused to fully feel into it until I was truly ready.

All this time I've simply been terrified of being all alone. It's been THE ghost haunting my entire existence. And it went viral before I ever donned a human costume....

I closed up into a defensive ball, stopping the natural flow of my personal field of energies. Got all stuffed up, blocked off, out of kilter. Just like what happens with any physical cold or flu virus--I shut down. I stopped creating anything new while I battled with symptoms. I was focused out there trying to manage and wrangle with those outside mirrors of me--those often painful reflections that were only just showing me how I was being at odds within myself.

And just as with any of those physical viruses, once you get through it, you come out stronger, your immunity greater than it was going in.

I also gained something precious: a better, more appreciative understanding of myself--wisdom is what we call it....

I may be ALL there is....I may be A-LONE, sovereign creator--a pinpoint of consciousness aware of its existence, and playing in and with its own creations within its own energy field....and....I'm finally feeling like I'm okay with that....

I SEE ME and I feel GRATITUDE for being me in all my ways--dark and light and everything in-between--and to me, that's all that matters. I will always have a safe and sacred space with my soul, with its constantly-increasing wisdom, and with my entire body of consciousness, whatever form it takes. I will always be okay within my own personally created realities regardless of how the stories play out in them, even should I appear to die. I exist--eternally so....

I can pretend to be a part of a group and still find myself all alone....and that's okay....

I can still play in relationships with others, but the pressure is off regarding whether I'm seen or not by them. It just doesn't really matter, after all....because I always have All of ME....