Consciousness Explained: Once upon a time there was this duck....

 A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and asks the bartender, "Got any gwapes?"

The bartender, shaking his head in derision replies, "No, ye daft bird! This is a bar! Your choices are beer, wine or liquor."

Disappointed, the duck leaves.

The next day he returns, waddles up to the bar, plops up on the stool and when the bartender asks, "What'll ya have?" The duck asks, "Got a gwape?"

The bartender gets really ticked off, "I told you, no, I don't serve grapes. Now, get the hell out of here, and if you come back here again asking for grapes I'm gonna grab a hammer and nail that beak of yours to the bar!"

The third day, the duck is back and on his usual perch. When the bartender asks, "What'll ya have? And it better not be grapes..." the Duck enquires, "Got a nail?"

Taken aback, the bartender concedes, "No."

"Got a hammer?"

"No."

"In that case," says the duck, "Got any gwapes?"

Ducks and consciousness and awakening

What if after a lifetime of waddling around quacking and flapping like a duck--and bored with the whole thing--in a sudden fit of rebellion you belly up to the bar and ask for a "gwape?" No processing, no additives, just a straight-up, simple piece of natural fruit straight off the vine. Juicy, delicious, satisfying all in itself....but to the world around you, it seems like you threw a wrench into the works.

In that single moment, a lightbulb turns on and you get this warm and tingly feeling spreading outward from your heart to the very tips of your head, fingers, toes and beyond...."I'm no duck!" you declare. "I may be ducky and all that, but I JUST KNOW I'm so much more than the old act I've had going of trying to be the best, brightest, biggest, most beautiful or handsome duck on this pond!"

And from that moment on, all that matters to you is discovering what that "more thing" is. You research the hell out of it, pay for all kinds of classes on the subject, and try practicing all kinds of rituals, rites and disciplines with other like-minded ducks. They are fun for a minute, because it's always a joy to know you're not all alone. But you never ever really arrive at the more you just knew you were. 

So, time passes as you try out all these tangents like:

Maybe I need to waddle my 10,000 steps a day a little faster, kneel more (not easy for a duck) and pray a lot.

Maybe I need to practice quacking these tones and hold these specific poses while I salute the Master Quacker/(fill in this blank with your latest authoritative deity). 

Maybe I should try out DA (Ducks Anonymous) and talk about what a disappointment I am and how I'll probably screw up again tomorrow if someone tempts me with a malt duck fizzy and I fall off the wagon and lose my badge of "30 Days Ducky."

Maybe I should go on a diet--give up fish and eat moss so I'm shinier. Am I shinier? I think I AM shinier....Just look at my golden bill!

Wow! I've got the answer! And now I can teach others how to be more using my method, which I'd better patent because I'll make a whole lot of bills helping others....

Why aren't all the "Atta-duck" pats on my back from the rest of the flock ever enough?

And one day it dawns, "Regardless of the pond size and whether I'm playing the role of  Lord-of-the-Pond Duck or Insignificant Peon Fish-Fetcher, I'm still a dam duck doing the same old things, just with a slightly different swim stroke."--You know the old adage: different strokes for different folks. 

So you give up, waddle around the pond a bit all by yourself, reflecting and reminiscing and sometimes bawling, sometimes laughing at your ducky antics....and coming to the realization  that maybe I need to just quit swimming upstream against the current and instead float, bob along with the ripples, go with the flow, take time to more sensually feel into myself and the world around me....yeah....I'll just enjoy myself and get serious about no longer taking myself so seriously.....

Sometimes I quack myself up....

That is consciousness and awakening and realization all summed up. I credit my brother, Steve, with this post. The duck joke was one of his favorites to tell. He crossed over the Veil back in 2016, so while I talk to him using my words, he communicates with me in a more subtle way. I can't even explain it really. I just know when he's in my awareness.

Anyway, Steve and I both experienced that awakening to whom we really are and we both tried out all the tangents in our search for that illusive-seeming god, who actually resides within every human being. It's all within you, me--that awareness that breathes "I exist! I am that I am!"

Assume your own soul and wisdom is right here within and with you in every breath in and out....and have a great laugh at all life as a duck has to offer....

The Final Death Throes of My Identity

Back in the early days, when Tobias was the ascended master being channeled by Geoffrey Hoppe (crimsoncircle.com), he told us we would eventually let go of our entire identity. An ascended master is simply a human who naturally awakened from his/her limited consciousness and realized the Divine souled being he truly was while he was still alive on Earth. Every souled being will have this realization at some point in one of their many lifetime sojourns of playing out being a limited human on planet Earth. Now that the Veil has been cracked open (The Apocalypse, March 22, 2023) there will be far more ascended masters than ever before in the history of the planet.

Tobias said that while releasing one's identity sounded simple and straightforward, we would each find that there were parts that were easier to toss away than others. That we'd find ourselves wanting to hang onto some things, but ultimately everything had to go.

That message resonated deeply with me, and right away, I began to try to get rid of my cumbersome-feeling human. I was so hard on her, as all the writing in this blog will attest to....

I'm sure Tobias also mentioned that releasing an entire identity, not to mention every identity and aspect my soul had created and ever played in and with, was a feat the human facet was not equipped or ever meant to do. That was the soul's and its wisdom's area of expertise. But you know, it's terrifying when you face the idea of having everything you believe yourself to be--especially the parts you love--being ripped away from you, even if it's your own soul doing it. 

So, I tried to head it off at the pass and rip off the Band Aid myself--be the one to throw it away first--in hopes that it wouldn't hurt as much as having someone or something else wrench it away. I tried to step back and to harden myself into not feeling hurt and vulnerable: "Get over it! Put on those big-girl panties, Pen! YOU KNOW you know better than to let it all get to you...."

We humans have been through a whole lot of sacrifice and struggle and pain these many lifetimes. It's not easy believing you're just a Little Human trying to survive in an often scary, sometimes awesome, sometimes cruel world. It's only natural to try to limit the amount of pain and suffering. It's only human to want to get it over and done with as quickly as possible....yet it's been decades....

It's Molting Season for me: I'm shedding the good and beautiful as well as the bad and ugly....

so I'm feeling both Blue and Golden....

These past few months since the Apocalypse I've been experiencing wincing waves of grief passing through me. I don't actually cry--sometimes I think that would help--but it's uncomfortable when it hits, and I find myself wanting to just lie down, sleep, and hide away from interacting with others.

I've noticed this grief hits even when I'm doing something I used to enjoy doing because in the past it helped me flow consciousness. This morning I was watering my flower gardens and looking at a lawn that was pretty much dormant already in the beginning of July, and I just felt overwhelmed with all the physical work surrounding something I used to love doing. Most of it looks just fine, but here and there some flower just shrivels up and dies, even after I move it or give it a little extra attention. 

I feel unshed tears and heart-deep sadness at the struggle of trying to maintain a healthy world of plants, trees and yard in the midst of drought, disease, and a cottonwood tree that just litters the lawn with dead-looking animal corpses of cotton that dry up whatever it comes in contact with even faster. I'm sick and tired of picking up the sticky crap from out of my beds and shrubs. It falls faster than I can pick it up. Before that, it was the stick-'ems from the trees budding out in the spring. Every year that stuff sticks to everything--my cats' paws, my feet....I'm still breathing, allowing and feeling through this wave of grief....

Actually, none of this is new story. It's the same old fight and struggle, just a different year. Only now I'm tired of fighting or messing about with all of it. All around me things are dying, and in a way, I am, too....I even feel and see it in my body....and it just doesn't matter....I give up....

And then there's the anger--most of it directed at myself for having allowed myself to be treated and ignored the way I was for so long, most likely for even more than this one lifetime. Let's face it, I was an oddity to the rest of the world around me. Many people pretty much felt safe with me because I was attuned to their feelings and I wasn't ever out to hurt anyone. Some others who had some larger protective egos didn't much like me, didn't know what to do with me, often sought to control me--and sometimes (actually, all too-often) I let them....

I let others plant all kinds of opinions and ideas with me that had me doubting myself at every turn....

So, yeah, I've had a whole lot of anger flowing to the surface lately, but it's okay--I'm okay because I'm no longer trying to handle it and keep it curbed. I let it flow through and away, allowing myself to finally authentically, sensually, hands-off experience it in my safe and sacred space of Me, My Soul and I....

"Just Breathe, Allow, Receive, Flow...."

BARF. How's that for an acronym? Ha! Those were the gems of wisdom Adamus St-Germain shared with us in the July, 2023 shoud of Crimson Circle. And I'm finding them a very helpful tool during this time....

Life is quiet and I'm grateful for that. I can't imagine going through this with anything more on my plate. I am finding myself less and less attached to being Penny and the roles I've been accustomed to playing: wife, sister, aunt, peace-keeper, caretaker, gardener, American, North Dakotan, problem-solver, to name a few. I'm not having to throw it away either. It's naturally fizzling out on its own, and I've noticed it goes better when I just stay out of the way. My only job is to experience it. How I am or what others might think of me no longer matters. It feels a lot like those last weeks with my dad when I realized it all was just a lot of stories I was tired of playing out anymore....

Lately I've been noticing I'm no longer defining myself as being any which way. That I don't even want to....I'm enjoying the freedom of finally just letting go and letting me BE, identity-free....

I don't have to be anything for anybody, not even me....  

From the Little Human In the Mirror To Embodied Master

I wasn't going to write anymore posts, but I've had a profoundly helpful realization for myself on the subject of releasing old stories, identity and physical issues. So I'm adding onto this past post.

To take the oomph out of all the blemishes and scars and out-of-balance and alignment issues I see when I look in the mirror, I realized I can just view my entire physical body as costuming and makeup that matches my old Little Human narrative of what, who and how I am. That's all it is--costuming and makeup. And my outer world is all props and scenery that match my Little Human stories as well. 

It's that Little Human who didn't remember that she's truly a divine being pretending to be a Little Human at the whim and mercy of a volatile and often hard-to-understand world where the rules seem to change on a dime, no matter how old and smart and wise you get. No matter how much you think you have it figured out and know how to navigate it. 

And with the AI technology things are changing faster than ever before--and for those of us who remember life without computers in our daily lives, it feels even more daunting and overwhelming at times. Sometimes I still question whether or not I want to stay--you know, there are those days and moments....And then I take a few good deep breaths and remember that I signed up to be here, and there was no way I was going to miss out on this epic time in the history of humanity on this beloved planet.

When I look into the mirror and see makeup and costuming, and props and scenery matching the narrative I have about what, who and how I am, what my circumstances are, then I realize I don't have to figure out how to fix any issues I don't like. I don't have to manipulate anything. I breathe easier. I'm relaxed....

As the source and creator center of my reality, I just change my narrative from that of being an unawakened Little Human victim of my world to being an embodied master. If it's in my life, I put it there, and I'm the only one that can release it from my life....And with that new emanation, my costume and makeup and props and scenery rearrange themselves to match that choice....no more futzing and dinking around with myself....

I am an embodied master....and I allow my energies--my experienced reality--to match that with every breath I breathe....

Remembering: Free of Self-Doubt At Last....

 "I find myself just wanting to bless everyone, everything..."

Yeah--that wasn't me up above. That was some other Shaumbra, and, frankly, I was listening from a rather cynical point of view. I'd been blessing everyone, alright. It was more like the southern lady who is a bit ticked off--more like royally pissed--at someone and saying, "Well, bless your heart!"

First off--I KNOW this is all just a "Let's Pretend We're Just Little Humans" game. I want to be clear on that. And no one, absolutely no one, needs my blessing or anyone else's. We're all sovereign divine souls having experiences we each create in a costume called the Human Being.

How gracious is your life?

Actually, my life is pretty okay. There are traumas and dramas happening around me and in the news....and I find I'm pretty disconnected from it, other than to shake my head at the stupidity of some deep-asleep mentally off-their-rockers humans at times....They may be having fun playing out their shit,....and....I'm just in a place of having no tolerance for any of it anymore....Fuck that shit! I'm all done playing that old game....and get the hell out of my domain!!!

Memories from the corners of my mind--misty, water-colored  memories of the way we were....

I've been remembering moments throughout my life lately--and I've been feeling anger--not the warm and fuzzies I'd hoped for--burning through to the surface. It feels like it's an entire lifetime of rage that's been shoved down deep into my very cells--frustration at having been taken for granted, not listened to, ridiculed, shamed, seen only when it was convenient and for the benefit of someone else. 

And the worst of it all--there was that self doubt that kept me crippled within a reality I had, at the time, unknowingly created for myself. On some level, I knew I was responsible for all of it, but I didn't know how to uncreate it from my Human facet. That part of me--who was only ever meant to be the Experiencer for my soul--just didn't have the tools and understandings I needed....

Ever since Heavens' Cross, aka the Apocalypse, it seems I've realized I'm now in a safe space to feel the stuff I wouldn't allow myself to completely acknowledge before. That it doesn't matter how pissed off I may be because this is my reality, my own experience--and most importantly, I wasn't going to harm anyone or myself. Offend someone? Probably.

Through the years, I had tempered my angry side by reminding myself that I volunteered to come here to Earth to go through all this--that there was no one to blame but myself. It did help me to maintain a balance that I much-needed to stay here to do the work I had come to take part in, which was in helping to slowly crack open the lid of this very limited, All-alone Little Human just trying to survive reality box.

The Observer in me has been a bit taken aback at my unleashed vehemence these last several weeks since the opening. I'll tell myself to just let that shit go, and I actually do that for a bit, and then a thought or event triggers it, and off I go again....

And....I realize that anger, regardless of whether I do or don't express it outwardly, is helping me to establish boundaries and keep out of playing games I really no longer desire to take part in. I'm not harming anybody, and I'm not on a rampage going around telling people off here and there--at least, most of the time I'm not. 

I find I just frankly don't care about people's trauma-dramas anymore. They are enjoying the hell out of them, but I don't need to pretend it matters to me. They are divine sovereign individuals having fun pretending to be Little Humans. Usually, I'm out on my daily walk or putzing in our yard, and stuff just flows on through, pretty much as it's supposed to. It's just rather new--not feeling I have to monitor and keep such tight control of myself.

As for the memories--I realized this morning that I'm finally on my side in them, whereas I wasn't in the past. I'm finally seeing clearly who I was and the energies and limited consciousness I was dealing with in the past. I have never been out to hurt anyone or anything. I wanted to be a benevolent contributor to my world--always....

This morning I realized the Self-Doubter in me is finally put to rest--she's dead and gone, and it's about time....

Boring Conversations: Ailments, Relationshit, and "Poor Me" Excuses

I'm sick of people making up excuses for CHOOSING to not live their best life, and I'm tired of listening to the same old stories, ad nauseum....

WE ARE ALL SO MUCH MORE....

I've wasted too much of my energy participating in conversations about someone's latest diagnosis or ailment, especially when they really don't want to get past it. They just want someone to listen to them drone on while they pretend to have no clue why they put it into their experience. They're having fun....and....I'd rather be somewhere else....

Another all-too-common occurrence is commiserating over bad relationships, but continuing to stay in them for stupid reasons. And if you're miserable in that relationship--they are all stupid reasons. If it's in one's life, we're liking it--enjoying it on some level--because we're the only ones who can make the choice to let it go. The only way we resolve a bad interaction is to communicate directly with the other person--not by running to the kids, mommy, daddy, brother, sister, beer-, bong-, or w(h)ine-buddies....and....lawyering up is so cliché. Grow up.

Same goes for the idiots trying to get control of the masses--if each individual accepts total  responsibility for their own life and circumstances, the bullies have no one to bully anymore and the crap they put out will just return to them (the rightful owner) all that much quicker.

If I hear another "Poor me--I had such a difficult childhood" excuse for getting sympathy instead of taking responsibility for the life you've created, I'll probably puke. Childhood, puberty--growing up isn't easy really for anyone, and you're not going to get any reward for having the worst one. After all, it's what we do with those experiences that matters, isn't it?

Our ancestral bloodlines and our own personal karma were often the driving forces behind the families we were born into and the communities of people in our lives. We have a tendency to reincarnate along the same bloodline because we're familiar with it, pure and simple. Familiarity breeds a sense of security, false though it may be. Karma is what we angelic humans put into play as a means of keeping our range of experiences balanced here while we were unaware of who we really were and playing in a world of dualities. 

I'm also done with power game conspiracy crap. Jab or no jab, sick or not sick with a bug--it doesn't matter what you do or don't do. Your perception--your attitude about life and your enjoyment of it will determine the reality you experience. You can see the flu or coronavirus or whatever symptoms as just your means of personally releasing some old energies from your body to make room for the new; or you can blame it on someone other than yourself, get nasty sick, maybe even die. 

Ultimately, it's your choice, dear sovereign creator....maybe it's time to have a little mercy and compassion for yourself instead of looking for it outside of oneself....

You're actually the sovereign creator of your own life, your own realities....

Did we each learn anything about oneself with this whole CO-VID nonsense? You know, it was a chance to go within yourself to do some deep inner reflecting, decide what SUGGESTIONS resonated with you, and what didn't. But most people didn't do that. It got turned into a self-righteous fight--someone telling someone else how to be and do, instead of butting the hell out.

Riots???? Really???? Shame on anyone who participated in such an awful thing--and I do not throw the word shame out lightly....Ultimately, I can forgive and forget most anything, and I do that even with this....and....it's a damn shame people in this day and age are still capable of this and so many other atrocities that BLIND, DEAD-ASLEEP zombies commit. The thing is that whatever we do to another, we are actually doing to ourselves when it's all said and done.

People played into the bogus it's-the-law game spoon-fed you by the agenda-driven media by trying to fight within the corrupted system using the same old approaches. Protests are so yesterday, especially when you are your own sovereign. Usually it's just best to shut your mouth and go about your life on your own terms instead of arguing with someone else about things you're never going to agree on. The old social media was used as a means to promote and perpetuate fighting among family and friends and communities, pure and simple. 

A technological gift that allowed us a means to connect with each other around the world was sadly barbarically weaponized. Censoring free speech and biased fact-checking had nothing to do with friendship, self-responsibility or honoring freedom. I socialize with people in order to enjoy myself while in the company of others. Period. 

Just because someone outside of you tells you what you're supposed to do, doesn't mean you have to do it. Those people who are ill all the time often don't take their medicines or therapies anyway because they don't really want to be healthy. Because how else will they get the attention they so crave? But do we label them as criminals and throw them in jail?

I've found it effective to just leave the presence of whomever is annoying me in the moment and get on with living my own life. It's really not that difficult....

There has been a whole lot of superstitious, witch-hunting nonsense going on....and from elitist humans who are supposedly so evolved and civilized....

I am so ready to have some new, enlightening and fun conversations full of solutions, joy, humor, with no more pointy fingers and whiny dispositions....We definitely all are so much more than all that old boring shit....

I dare you to allow yourself to be SELF-SOVEREIGN! All those answers to everything you choose to know lie within you....

 

"Let go and let soul...."

I guess my Coat-It and Coddle days are officially over....

My Apocalypse: March 22, 2023

I woke up the morning of March 22, 2023, excited about this epic opening, but not really knowing what to expect in Minot, ND at 2:00 p.m. I made sure I got out for my daily walk to help keep myself open and my energies clear and flowing. My husband was working so I had the house all to myself and our cats. I can't recall what I ate or drank so it couldn't have mattered. 

Nor did I perform any rituals or meditations or surround myself with "magical" junk--they're just not my thing. They've always felt like impractical, time-wasting, superstitious distractions to me. Pretty much all of my ah-ha!s have come to me when I'm NOT trying to be or do spiritual. I'm usually just walking or napping or out in nature or doing something in or around water.

I grabbed my throw, pulled up the Heavens' Cross live webcast, and got comfy on the couch as Adamus St-Germain talked us through the exit, along the pathway we created, of the Crimson Council and all those on the other side of the Veil who had worked with us through the ages. Gratitude and honor flowed both ways. Our combined work was finished--we'd pierced an opening through the Veil, that mental mind trap that had kept us boxed off from our Divine facets or souls, and from our alternative lifetimes. That boundary that kept humanity encased in the belief that we were each and all insignificant little human beings just trying to survive had been opened permanently.

Was I a realm worker?

I just heard a familiar tone in my ear--one that's been faintly in the background for quite awhile--as I'm sitting here trying to recall what else was said. It's a specific sweet, high tone--my tone--in my right ear, with an accompanying expansiveness within that's difficult to describe, that came in as my awareness traversed through the Veil. 

I pretty much just let myself go--probably even fell asleep, or half so, but there was the point when Adamus addressed all the Realm Workers--humans who were embodied here on the planet, but who had basically been out-of-body these last few months, helping those on the Divine side to prepare the path through the Veil that would open up for all of humanity on this day, the Apocalypse.

When Adamus told all the realm workers that their work was finished and that they could now return to their bodies fully, I felt a th-whoomp back into myself. Now I'm pretty certain I was one of those realm worker people, but I did waffle with some doubt these last couple months.

When I first heard about the realm workers from reading Geoffrey Hoppe's article in the February 2023 edition of the online Shaumbra Magazine, their obscure and remote lives felt like a fit for me. I knew I definitely was a dreamwalker, yet, off and on, I'd find myself questioning whether or not I was truly one of those preparing the pathway. 

However, I've always been passionate in my view that EVERYONE had the Christ within and that EVERYONE would NATURALLY have their own unique realization/enlightenment without needing the guidance or input of any other individual or group or congregation outside of oneself. It's just nice to know you're not alone....It's nice to know you're not crazy....And....all of that feels like something important to consider when building a pathway familiar and practical enough for all humans to use....

Usually when dreamwalking, I can't function until I lie down and let go. I nap solidly, unmoving, for a couple hours during the day and it generally takes some time to re-embody afterwards. In the past, I never could remember where I'd been or even whom I was with, but within a few days, I'd discover someone I knew who had passed away.

But as a general rule in these past several months, I hadn't been feeling like taking a nap.  Instead, I've been going to bed earlier than normal, and I was dreaming most of the night and actually remembering some of them. However, I was still getting up every two or three hours until morning, as has been my sleeping habit for many years.

Bump-and-Fills 

In the February Shoud, Adamus gave a bit more information about the realm workers. He'd said they'd probably traverse the path through the Veil sometime in the weeks and days prior to the Apocalypse. He also told all Shaumbra that sometime around the opening of the Veil on the 22nd of March to expect a "Bump-and-Fill." 

A bump-and-fill is a means of causing a person to experience a momentary shock--through what appears to be an accident like tripping and falling or running into a wall--in order to bypass the mental cage that is the human mind. The shock shuts the mind off long enough to get a spiritual download from your higher self.

Intuitively, since the first snow last fall, I've been getting thoughtful inner nudges to be extra careful when walking on ice or when out shoveling alone in the backyard where no one would know I was out there were I to fall and knock myself out in the cold. I knew better than to make it much of a story--I knew I'd be okay, no matter how or if it transpired--but it was looping through, nonetheless.

Then on February 19th, while out walking the soccer park path with my husband, and prior to Adamus' heads-up, I actually did slip and fall on the ice. In less than a second, I was flat on my back, legs in the air like a turtle, and feeling the back of my head th-wump on the icy pavement. It was cushioned by my headband and hood. Shocked the hell right out of me, and hopefully, let some good stuff in. I took a moment to feel into myself for any hurts--there were none--collected my wits, laughingly got up and continued our laps, chuckling every time we passed my biffed-it spot. In hindsight, I'm thinking that was my bump-and-fill. Easy-peasy compared to the ones I've experienced in the past--I usually ended up with a bruise or two to commemorate it.

Bleed-throughs

The opening of the Veil allows us access to all our other lifetimes and realms of being. Adamus also informed us that we might experience bleed-throughs of other lifetime expressions as they basically intersected with this realm or lifetime. 

Even knowing this was a possibility, I was still caught off-guard one night when in the wee hours of the morning, yet very dark out, I awoke to hearing someone singing "Amazing Grace" and talking about I don't remember what as they walked through our house. It spooked me. I could hear them loud and clear, and I squished myself up a little closer to my deeply slumbering husband. No way in hell, was I going to get up and investigate. They eventually quieted, but it wasn't until the next morning, in the light of day, that I realized I'd actually experienced one of those bleed-throughs. I had a laugh at myself for being so frightened, and wished I'd gotten up and looked into it more, but in all fairness, I'd come to the whole experience out of a deep sleep.

I've experienced that type of phenomena from time to time throughout the years--and it's never been a comfortable experience. I'm trusting I'll finally get accustomed to them.

Kuthumi: "You don't have issues!"

It was the latter part of 2004 or 2005 that Geoffrey Hoppe channeled a shoud featuring ascended master, Kuthumi Lal Singh. I love Kuthumi! He is so light-hearted, humorous and fun--in his own way (not to offend any other ascended masters whom I hold in beloved regard).

Anyway, Kuthumi comes in with the simple and straightforward message, "You don't have any issues." Of course, even though it made blatant sense to me even at that time, I still seemed to haul some around....and....add some more as time traipsed on....

So, for physical issues--I still sport the ones I was dealing with and releasing to my soul in the months leading up to Heavens' Cross. I still see a human that's not as attractive as she used to be, though I do feel physically better than I have in a long time. She's gotten older looking--gray hairs, fuller face, saggier flesh, lighter lashes and brows, and that damn old scar on her cheek that's been bugging her since 2007. There's still a twist in her spine. 

I still experience the cold and hot, sweaty flashes that Adamus mentioned back in the Releasing Ancestral Biology course that I took part in back in 2015. Yeah--it's been that many years of it. Several months prior to those, I went through that joyful thing called menopause (which, for me, lasted only a few months, at the most). That was nothing compared to the burning off of the ancestral biology, though it has gotten more bearable. There was a time, in the beginning where they almost drove me crazy, they were so frequent and intense. I'd be just freezingly miserable one moment, and then so hot and drenched the next I couldn't stand bed covers or clothing touching the length of my spine.

In 2020, I had some colored flashes of light in my peripherals that ended up being floaters in my eyes that have plagued me ever since. I have great vision, but I am quite sensitive to lighting and smart phone screens these days, to the point where my eyes get so blurry and out-of-focus I either need to get outside to get it to clear up, or close my eyes and just sleep.

I stretch a little each morning and walk and eat pretty well....and....I'm SO READY for that Light Body to emerge in fullness....

Both my brother, Steve, and I tried pushing the envelope in attempts to manifest the more fitting body and joyfully-abundant reality potential that we just KNEW should be possible, but evidently we were still trying to do it all from fighting with old beliefs from within our human minds. We basically were still enmeshed in playing with powering our human selves through some really tougher-than-it-had-to-be things. The human's role is simply to experience--not force an agenda. 

Kuthumi stayed on Earth as an embodied master for 20 or more years after his realization, but he chose to leave because the mental aspect of human mass consciousness was getting so dense, even for him. So, I can only imagine the density of what we've been dealing with these many decades later.

Feeling like a hollowed out pumpkin with a few slippery, stray seeds (wounded aspects) buried a bit more deeply into the flesh than others.

Of all the old belief systems, I've long recognized that the one we call Family is probably one of the most difficult ones for me to maintain a clarity within. And that I've given my family members and those I feel closest to the greatest power to hurt me more deeply than anyone else. I'm also pretty sure they are all unaware I gave them that capability.

I've been releasing, releasing, releasing unto my soul like crazy leading right up to, and through, the Apocalypse....and....it seems there were some wounded aspects my human facet squirreled away a bit deeper than the rest. The Apocalypse seemed to unleash the whiny little bastards. The old injuries called up often happened when we were among other people, or it hurt too much to deal with it in the moment it happened. Plus, there was the shock one feels when people who I thought loved and appreciated me did things and said things to me that I wouldn't dream of doing--at least not at this point in my much-opened consciousness. 

I also have a tendency to tell myself to put on my big-girl panties and just let it go, because I do know we humans do awful things to each other based on our own insecurities surrounding self-worth. I knew my perpetrator was an asleep-in-the-hypnosis and cruel idiot lashing out at me in those moments, but the human part of me hurt even so. So, evidently, I stuffed it away until the great opening out of the Little Human box.

And....I probably hung onto those hurts a bit longer so I could have my own very sensual last hurrah of playing the role of victim. With all the letting go of everything, including this identity I built up this lifetime, a person gets all hollowed out to your core--all those slimy seeds and entangling membranes--just gone! While it feels good on one hand, on the other, it leaves a huge void, which the little human wants to fill up....only it doesn't know how to other than to bring up the past. What better way to help myself feel alive and pass a bit of time than to get angry over stuff that I knew I wasn't going to hang onto for long.

It's either that, or I was so busy out working in the other realms that it got shoved in a closet until I got fully re-embodied on the Apocalypse. Most likely, it was all of the above.

Savoring my last hurrah with old belief system Suggestions after the Big Reveal

These last couple of weeks after the fact, I have had moments, days even, of feeling totally pissed at the old world. Asleep and pushy people, politics, governments, news, social media, religions, businesses, educational, health. insurance, and financial institutions: I've just had it with all their ensuing B.S. I've felt so suffocated and inundated by their insane practices and policies focused on power and control of the masses. And I've lost all tolerance for the people who want to keep playing in those power games-- for both the perpetrators and those who continue to act like "poor me" victims. 

These human institutions and traditions that are supposed to be so rational and logical and safe have no common sense, practicality, or even decency. There's a lot of crap going on, and while I know to stand behind the short wall and not get involved or invested in any of it--well, it's so damned dense in mass consciousness, it's easy to find myself popping in and playing with it out of old habit and, let's admit it--boredom. So I got my anger on like the great drama queen I can be, said "Fuck" a few several satisfying times, took a breath, and laughed at myself as I finally let it go. It really is pretty funny that I can get so riled up yet, knowing what I know and feel within....

I know I've been choosing to dabble in it all one last time--savor it, knowing it is truly disappearing. With the influx of all this divine energy from Heavens' Cross, I know my own energy supports me playing out the victim even more so if that's where I choose to dwell, so, it feels like I've had my fill and gotten stuff out of my system....and....I'm feeling ready to stay out of my own way....

RELAXING and ALLOWING myself to just be....

Anyway, it's all just a conglomeration of SUGGESTIONS that I can choose from as to whether or not I make each one my truth and manifest it into an experience....

I've realized I'm not too worried about anything really. It's spring here. I'm digging around in the dirt, enjoying the melting and the sunshine, and being out with my cats and husband when he's around. I'm still enjoying staying home for the most part and not dealing with large crowds or traveling. And yet, I feel open to a grand change--allowing the totally new. 

Even moving feels like a great sooner-than-later possibility, one that I trust won't be as frustrating and difficult as those of my past. I'm open to having more than one easy-maintenance home scattered throughout the lands of this grand Earth, and to always have a safe and fun space for my pets to be with me no matter where I am....

Regardless of the details of the day, I continue to start and end each one glad to be here watching it all unfold--and, yes, sometimes wondering if anything is happening. Some days I'm a little more impatient than others. Yet when I feel into myself, I KNOW something magnificent is happening....It's just that it's starting deep within, and that it has to take some time emerging so I don't short-circuit myself out of a body and mind....

Welcome, Apocalypse! We got 'er done!

Preparing for the Apocalypse: Releasing, Not Stockpiling

It's only been 14 days since the Great Reveal--the slight opening through the Veil of Forgetting. It's the piercing of that mental fog of a limiting balloon that's kept most of humanity feeling and believing it was just a little human puppet on someone else's string. A little insignificant Human just trying to survive in a sometimes cruel and daunting world. Yet, this crack is one of the most significant events ever in the history of the evolution of human consciousness, as it allows every single human access to his/her true, whole self. 

We can now sense our own soul, our own Divinity, our master-self (our wisdom)--even our other lifetimes--right here within us with greater ease and grace. These other facets of oneself have always been here--we just couldn't perceive them all the time because our minds were keeping us preoccupied with our outer world (the sexual energy virus). I guess you could call it The Grand Distraction.

The Grand Distraction was never a conspiracy--we all signed up for the experience in the hope that by limiting our perception of oneself in a time-space-gravity environment, and by lowering our vibration enough to stay in a physical body in which to experience one's own creations, we'd understand more clearly who we were and how our energies served us. It was a means of answering those three questions: "Who am I?" and "How did I get what I got?" and "How do I get what I want?"

Leading up to March 22, 2023--The Apocalypse

It was recommended by Adamus St-Germain that those of us aware of this apocalypse journal about our personal experience of it. So here goes....

In the months leading up to it I was focused on self-care and releasing baggage to my soul without processing or analyzing the crap out of it. I was literally cleaning house on all levels and letting my identity go....

Even prior to knowing about the Apocalypse, intuitively, it made sense for me to start making lighter-feeling foods and to cut back on the amount of meat we ate just because I'd feel more of an acid-reflux if I had too much of it. I eat a lot of baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, Himalayan salt and fresh-ground pepper. I still consume butter and I bake homemade-from-scratch sweets, but I lean towards desserts that have a lot of oatmeal and whole-grains and fruit--and still taste yummy. Otherwise, why eat it at all if it doesn't taste good? Quite awhile ago I started using organic cane sugars, rather than the highly processed stuff because it actually tastes better. I eat an apple a day or a couple prunes and I go through a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables, mushrooms, brown rice and beans. We still often have our weekly DQ meal just because we enjoy it. I like French fries yet.

I know that eventually, when my light body (or free-energy body) fully settles in that what, when, how, or if I eat will no longer be an issue. I had tried to allow myself to eat whatever and however in the past, but I recognize now that I was trying to do it through my human facet--a part of me that was inundated with suggestions about the "right" way and things to eat. I was constantly inwardly mentally battling with outer-world ideas of what was true--that mental stuff is just so damn dense. I'd just feel clear and set in allowing myself to consume whatever without a story, and, sure enough, someone would pop in who had certain diet restrictions they were playing with. And off I'd go on an internal mental fight loop.

When Adamus reminded us, "Release it all, everything--without having to pinpoint or specify what it is--to your soul...." it made it all so much easier....I just let the dam that is me open up and let it ALL flow out and go away....I quit thinking and dinking around with it.

Walking outside has always been my safe and sacred time with myself, and last fall I'd decided I was going to walk daily--or at least get outside even if it meant shoveling snow. My husband joins me when he can, but we can walk with or without talking, too, and I'm grateful for that. We've discussed how easy it is to walk nowadays. We no longer get winded, and it's such a sense of joy at having gotten out and interacted with nature. The energies and stories just release and flow with each step....

I also had no desire to go out among a lot of people--not even to eat out or dance. Definitely didn't care to travel. Nor to be around a lot of family gatherings. Plus, I found myself opting out of playing in family illnesses or dramas or traumas. Those stories still go on....and....I recognize and honor each person their chosen creations to experience. I no longer feel a sense of obligation or responsibility in playing it out with them just because I'd once been programmed to think I should. I know they are divine souls having a human experience....and that we are all okay, no matter what....

March 15th was the one-year anniversary of the suicide of my nephew, and I confess to feelings of anxiety leading up to it. This past year I've let my brother know that I fully support him and that I'm proud of him for choosing to take care of himself through probably one of the worst experiences of a parent. I know not to preach anything at him--he's going to navigate this dark night of the soul his own way, appropriately so. All I can do is ask him to keep himself open to something more than the way this type of story would have played out in the past--that's all I could do for myself. Stay open with hope.

Ultimately, I realized that this was an experience he personally chose to have--not from the human level, of course, but from the soul level, and my job was to not meddle. No sane human would choose this. From the broader perspective of the soul/our divinity, his higher self chose to have his human facet--the Experiencer--act out the story of losing a loved one to suicide, as did I. But it's up to each of us sovereign individuals as to how we go through it. 

I released it to my soul....and....knowing about the Apocalypse helped me, even though I don't really know what to expect. Except that I do know that none of my loved ones who have crossed over to the other side are truly dead....each one is an eternal soul who just left a temporary earthly human costume behind.

Tommy Hicks' Vision

Tommy Hicks Vision (July 25, 1961) has stayed with me, even though it was interpreted from a religious point of view, parts of which don't fit with my perspective, like a wrathful god or the only "son of god" named Lord Jesus. I see it having been interpreted the best humans knew within the confines of the consciousness of the times. 

The "End of Times" to me, refers to the end of an era of limited conscious awareness--not the end of humanity or the planet. What has truly felt fitting is that people of all walks of life became enlightened. The Christ Light was a potential within every single human--but just not embraced by everyone all at once. Some wanted to continue basically playing in the old power game illusion, which is exactly what is happening currently in my world. Suddenly the awakened people, embodied masters, had light bodies that could appear and disappear all over the world. And, yes, there would be chaos around the world, but not because there was a wrathful god at the helm--but because it was time for humans to wake up to who they truly were. A bit of shaking things up helps with that.

The gigantic human in the vision (representing all of humanity) has constantly been flowing through my thoughts since I heard of Heavens' Cross, or the Apocalypse. This giant finally stands up with its arms raised, pierces through the clouds and into the heavens (finally connects with its own divinity/soul and alternative realms), as all the parasites (sexual energy virus) and debris (wounds, scars, guilt, shame, suffering) that had been clinging to it and holding it down fell away. 

That's pretty much how it see it for myself. The little suckers and all the crappy baggage I took on have played their part and now they're done....or I'm done with making them an issue for myself to mess around with....

Realm Workers, Embodied Workers, and Other Side of the Veil Workers

Every bridge needs support and balance at each end and in the middle....

In the February, 2023 issue of the Shaumbra Magazine, Geoffrey Hoppe brought up and explained the concept of realm workers, and in the following Crimson Circle Shoud that same month, Adamus addressed it further. I got a bit of an ah-hah as I read through the description--the rather obscure, solitary, quiet life of those who spent most of their time dreamwalking in other realms while incarnate here on earth seemed to fit me. 

I've resonated with being a dreamwalker ever since my experience with the crossing over--"death"--of my dad. And, let's face it, very few readers find this blog that I've been writing since August of 2009. Ha! I don't know how many times I've been ready to just delete the whole works, yet I find myself back here putzing away, throwing things out into the world of the Internet, exposing myself and my many human foibles. I don't get things right all the time--imagine that.

It's my understanding that the realm workers basically worked in just the last several months to create a path through the opening in the Veil--Heavens' Cross--by making it as familiar as possible to humans who traversed it on the Apocalypse, and after, into their alternate realms, and to encourage them to return to their bodies on earth bearing the gifts they retrieved from those realms they had difficulty accessing and bringing things back from before. 

I also had a sense that my brother, Steve, who had crossed over in 2016 was one of those on the other side doing their part to balance the shift and assist with the pathway creation, as well. I've always felt that there is no hierarchy of roles in what we are all doing here--those who come last and in-between are as critical to maintaining the grace and balance and ease of the shift of the whole as those who go first. No part is greater than another--even those who are deep asleep in the hypnosis and enjoying playing in the power games yet are helping to hold a balance so we don't spring completely out of physicality.

Plus, there are those who stayed embodied here, some who were in the limelight more than others, but who, altogether, definitely helped me to maintain a more graceful life, helped me actually stay alive: My utmost thanks to Geoff and Linda Hoppe and the Crimson Circle staff and Shaumbra who put up with so much crap through the years from deep asleep humans' criticism and ridicule and rejection--and yet, you stayed true to your passion and delivered the messages of  Ascended Masters Adamus St-Germain, Tobias, and Kuthumi with a clarity that calmed me and inspired me in my own path, and maintained my hope in bringing about that something more I just KNEW was possible....We all did it!!!

There were other embodied workers whose messages encouraged me as well: Paul Solomon, Edgar Cayce, Kryon (channeled by Lee Carroll), Steve and Barbara Rother and the Group, Ronna Herman and Archangel Michael, Neale Donald Walsh, Gary Zukov, Caroline Meiss, Betty J. Eadie. That's just to name a few that spring to mind in the moment.

There is an epic masterpiece of a film documentary that was released for free to the world on March 22, 2023, on YouTube entitled, "Rude Awakening." I encourage you to watch it several times because, as in life, there are so many layers to our experiences, especially so when awakening to who you truly are. Here is the link to the free version: https://www.rudeawakening-film.com/  

There is also an extended version with more interviews that is well-worth the nominal fee.

I am that I am....Thou shalt have no idols before me....

Ultimately, though, I have my soul, my human facet, and my master-self (wisdom gained) to thank for everything. This has been quite the lifetime of experience getting to this point and I can't wait to experience how it all unfolds after the Apocalypse....Some days it feels like it's taking its own sweet time, and others, I'm good with it....and....I'll leave all that comes next for another post....

Related Post:

My Apocalypse: March 22. 2023

Winning in the Big Game of Life Doesn't Matter

Those trophies I once sought and savored sat on the shelf collecting dust until I finally realized how little they mattered to me and threw them out....with a huge sigh of relief....

Whether I won or lost a game never really mattered to me.

As I was out on my daily walk yesterday, dodging ice patches and stepping over snow drifts, I was taken back in a bit of a dreamwalk to my youth, and I remembered how I approached any game I played. I remembered playing monopoly one night where I went bankrupt and had a bit of a fit. But it wasn't because I lost the game. It was because I was eliminated from playing the game any further. I felt like I was missing out on the fun.

My brother, Steve, who was ten years older than me, used to say I often beat him playing checkers--and it wasn't because he let me. I don't really remember that. I just remember enjoying the game with whomever would play with me.

I grew up on a farm in southwestern North Dakota (USA) so we had long winters where we occupied ourselves playing card games like Pinochle, Whist, Canasta, Speed, Uno, various versions of Rummy, etc. I don't remember my wins, but I do remember a lot of laughing and simply having fun. I recognized patterns fairly easily, but not to the extent of caring enough to count cards. Often, I remember bidding way too high on my hand in a Pinochle game just for the heck of it to see how it played out. Of course, I lost most of those. 

There were enough siblings, along with their mates, in our family to play volleyball on warm, sunny days. Again, I don't recall a single score. What I remember is the joy that came with keeping the volleys going back and forth over the net. And the hilarity of my brother, Tim, ripping holes in his jeans as he'd nose-dive to the ground in an attempt to keep the ball in the air. Again, there was a whole lot of laughter.

When I was dating my first boyfriend we'd spend weekend evenings playing a homemade game called Marbles (similar to Aggravation). My sister-in-law partnered with me against Tim and Arlen, and the antics that ensued were rollicking good fun. Those two guys would kill one another off in a strategic attempt to best us girls. Sometimes it worked. And when it didn't, and we took out one of their marbles, they came up with the very picturesque adage of "being caught with their pants down." You probably had to be there. The funny thing is, we weren't drinking anything stronger than Pepsi--and those two guys were entertaining as all get out. They are some of my best memories from those days.

None of it matters, not really....

My true awakening realization occurred in the final days and moments I had with my dad as he used the story of death by lung cancer to exit this world. I realized that all the wins and losses in relationships, finances, education, health, government, politics, religion--well--none of it mattered at all. It was just a game where ultimately the score didn't matter. It was a conglomeration of stories of experiences. And, on some level, I enjoyed playing every single part of it....and....I was grateful for the opportunity to just play....