I Don't Like Diagnosing or Labeling Dis-ease: Here's Why...

"I am"--it's one of the most powerful reality-creating phrases I know, when it's loaded with emotional energy that gives it its creative potency. Which is why I don't use it without being aware of what I'm truly feeling about myself inside.

I always feel myself cringing whenever I'm reading a book or watching a movie where a character is attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and I hear them say these lines, "My name is fill in the blank, and I am an alcoholic."

Because, the belief system FELT behind that statement says that once you are an alcoholic, you're always an alcoholic--a permanent, unchangeable way of being.

That's NOT the way I believe anyone to be. Have people abused alcohol, drugs, food, doctoring, their sexuality, etc. as a means to escape their life, numb their feelings, cope with pain, get attention and love, and all that? Of course--YES! We all do a lot of weird shit when we're asleep in having forgotten who we are and our connection to our Source. It doesn't mean that we will continue on that same path--we can, if we choose--but we can also choose other paths. If enlightenment is one of your choices, I contend that you'll one day be able to enjoy a glass or two of wine, or whatever, without harm. 

Is it wise to abstain from drinking alcohol for a good period of time after having used it abusively? OBVIOUSLY, YES! Dry yourself out, en-lighten up (get honest with yourself about yourself), learn to laugh at yourself and the antics and roles you played in the past, and, most importantly, forgive yourself. 

If forgiving yourself means--for you--that you feel the desire to apologize to others for the pain you caused them in the past when you were asleep, then do it--because the better you feel about yourself right at this moment, the more compassion you rain upon yourself, the more you then freely radiate out into your world. Life opens up.

I haven't played the alcohol/substance abuse game, but I have done and said things that I regret. And while it helped me to apologize personally at times, I knew the one I hurt wasn't interested in my rationalizations of why I did or said the harmful things I did in the past. I just wanted them to know I was sorry to have hurt them--end of story.

Same idea applies to people who get themselves diagnosed physically or mentally. Imagine for a bit how that label causes you to perceive yourself--the emotion-filled stories your mind concocts. People who get diagnosed for cancer often perceive that as a death sentence, or a fight for life. People labeled with mental illnesses such as bipolar believe themselves to be that something's-chemically-wrong-with-me way, permanently--and they act out the role permanently--whether they stay on their medications or not.

Saying, "I AM a dis-ease of some sort" is pretty much a way of saying "I am a VICTIM of LIFE." That is a perception that gives me the heebie-geebies! Victims of their own lives are energy-suckers--and I won't tolerate being in their presence any more--I've had my fill. I don't care about the stories people play in--that's each individual's free choice of experience.

Close your eyes and FEEL INTO what all those labels mean to you.

People who call themselves diabetic will live out the reality of being a diabetic, and their pancreas will support that reality whole-heartedly, as long as that person feelingly believes (not just a mind thought or mantra) that to be a permanent state of being for themselves. Our bodies honor our beliefs about them.

I encourage everyone to invite their bodies back into a relationship with oneself. Are you one of those people like I used to be who looked in the mirror and only saw flaws? When is the last time you hugged yourself, or even touched yourself, feeling thankful for your own being?

And what if our bodies are NATURALLY self-balancing and self-healing? But because we've been taught to look at all the wrong and bad stuff that can happen in ourselves, and thus, in the world--and feelingly believe it all to be so--our bodies, in loving service to us, match our beliefs about the suggestions we accept as our own truths.

What if our overwhelmed, information-overloaded, "intellectual" human minds and emotions have gotten in the way of this whole body of consciousness's simple and natural ability to self-balance and flow through life abundantly and easily?

What if applying the latest fad medication, vitamin, diagnosis or diet is causing your body more harm than help? Isn't all of that pretty much the same as telling your body, "You don't know how to take care of yourself naturally"?--AND SO IT IS!

 Am I urging you to drop cold-turkey all medications for all these diseases and labels you've gotten? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You'll possibly do more harm to yourself than help if you've been taking those medications for awhile, and then suddenly drop them. Just FEEL into yourself...and start listening to that which is within you--YOU! Breath at a time, moment by moment...

All I am encouraging everyone to do here, is to start having a real relationship with yourself as a WHOLE Body of Consciousness (body, mind, spirit, inner knowingness). 

Invite your body to NATURALLY take care of you the way it knows best--invite your divinity/spirit to guide you into freely living. Don't be surprised if you initially find yourself sick and laid up for a bit. It's your Body of Consciousness saying, "Hon--let's just get quiet for a bit, rest--eliminate some really putrid, obsolete stuff--so you and I can get to know one another all over again..."

Simply become aware of your "I AM..." statements and consider the possibility that EVERYTHING is TEMPORARY--and the only way we continually experience a certain longevity of something in our life is because we're choosing it to be so--on some level--and that we're getting some benefit from it being present.

For me, the key in all of those dis-eases and losses was merely the fact that I WANTED TO WAKE MYSELF UP TO WHO I REALLY AM so I could finally MORE FULLY live and enjoy this experience of life on Earth while in human form.


Related Posts (Click on the highlighted titles):
Physical Symptoms of My Awakening Self-Awareness
Physical Symptoms of My Awakening, Part 2
My Candid Heartfelt Thoughts about Cancer

Weaponry, Wars and Killing: It’s All Barbaric Bullshit

And I’m sick and tired of hearing and reading all this debate on the issue of guns, weapons, wars, conspiracies by those who are just spouting macho crap and haven’t really spent time alone with themselves to contemplate and feel into it fully.

Here's something to contemplate and feel into: 

What is the difference between a government sanctioned military act that has "collateral damage" (killing of innocent civilians-even if unintentional) and a deranged individual using an automatic weapon of war in a school of children? Is one MORE RIGHTEOUS than another? Is one life less precious than another?

Awhile back there was an article in the news about a man who had lived without having to eat anything for forty years. I’ve come across other materials that have stated this is possible—and it actually resonates with me, though I haven’t tried it out yet. In the article, some people not only doubted the truth of it, but it was said that the military was looking into it in order to make a better soldier/weapon. Yeah, I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of it, too. Here was something to look more closely at as a possible means to end world starvation—and someone’s looking to turn it into a means of overpowering others. Okay, I’m rolling my eyes again.

For those of you who think the government, by law, should regulate or forcibly take away something from anyone—especially here where those government representatives are supposed to be serving you, the sovereign of your life (if you choose it)—take a look at history. Any time force is used, you get a reaction—just like the one you’re getting regarding gun control. You’re getting people pissed and you’re creating a situation where the defenses go up. Hot-headed people are NOT thinking clearly. You just created a situation of civil unrest.

And honestly, since when has any regulation entity provided you with true and complete security?

I’m done with LACK consciousness, where someone has to lose in order for someone else to win.

I look forward to the day that every single country/sovereignty voluntarily dismantles their military. When weapons are completely obsolete because each individual has looked deeply into his/her heart and discovered they would like to be an influence in flowing abundance and self-empowerment in the world, rather than the controller of it and feeding off of fear.

Maybe we can just be neighbors who are no longer out to try to control, or use, each other. Granted, this wish of mine seems far out in the future of possibility. But, frankly, if you desire it to be so, you have to first express that desire, that vision. And I look forward to THAT day.

As for those of you stockpiling weapons in order to self-righteously defend yourself and family. Oh, the movies and TV make killing another person look so easy and so righteous—even romantic. Might want to determine whether what you’re killing is actually evil, or if it’s some mentally crazed fear inside of you pointing a warped finger of blame at someone outside. Maybe you should sit down with a soldier who’s served in those dumb-ass wars—you’ll probably get a hint that when it all is said and done, killing is not so easy, and macho isn’t the glorious thing it’s made out to be. Hell--I wince any time I see road kill.

I’d like to think that if someone had a solution to gaining our independence well over 200 years ago without having to fire a single shot, that the founders of our nation would have gone with that instead of a war. But human consciousness and awareness and technology and communication was different then, wasn’t it—so don’t try to make what worked in the past, your truth for today. Imagine beyond that…

I love this earth and the life that populates it, and I’d really like to experience living together in peace and acceptance and gratitude—really, what is there to argue about? Look at all the energy, lives and time wasted…for what?…

My personal armor is off, my weapons are no more….

Anyone Can Freely Ascend

Consciousness Ascension (awakening to one's true self) is freely--and PRACTICALLY--there for anyone who simply chooses it. Actually, ascension happens naturally, and you just suddenly realize that you're perceiving the world and the old beliefs in it differently--that most of it doesn't really resonate with you. 

You find yourself asking questions about death and god and prophets like Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed and about Satan that religions and government and educational systems don't answer clearly enough for you. You discover you're the only one with the answers solely for you, and preaching and debating things with others flies out the window--there isn't any desire to win an argument at all costs. Others can have their own ideas and beliefs...and that doesn't have to affect you unless you choose to play the victim of someone else's perception of what is real.

You don't have to be spiritually adept, or highly intellectual, nor do you need gobs of money to pay for someone outside of you to teach you. You don't even need to read a special book or follow a step-by-step method. It's simply there the moment you stop your seemingly hamster-wheel busy-ness (where each day looks and feels the same as the last decade of days), and take stock of your life and the things you've been telling yourself matter (most, which in my case, I realized didn't). You just have to ask the question (from your heart), "Is there more to life?" And then desire it with a passion that won't accept anything less than that which resonates within you.

Initially, you'll probably want to spend some quiet time alone--yes, talking with yourself--for the first step out of the old world is simply stepping off the wheel or roller coaster ride. You don't have to fight your way off. If you find yourself in a struggle with another being, that's the universe's helpful reminder reflecting your own inner battle of self-acceptance and love. Usually it's an old aspect of yourself who is trying to keep you on the familiar road. It's just a matter of, standing upright and unwavering inside yourself, saying, "NO MORE!" You might even feel your eyes spark with determination.

The old "I'm just a little insignificant human" mind finds comfort in patterns, so when you walk off that expected path, it will start chattering and yelling at you that you're probably being silly, you're going to get rejected by all your old friends, you've been a bad person and there are so many things to feel guilty about, you'd better be right and not make any stupidly wrong choices--YOU COULD LOSE EVERYTHING!

And you'll probably discover all of that to be true. You'll probably discover that those old friendships that didn't survive the shift in your consciousness were actually really sucky and you don't miss them anyway.

As for having done bad things in the past--we've all done them--but they were done while being unaware and asleep as to who we truly are. And I discovered that when I re-visited my past with my enlightenment, it too became more than I gave those moments credit for; and all the guilt and shame and sorrow fell away to be replaced by gratitude for all of it (everyone and all the parts played), including me. See an example of this in my earlier post by clicking here: Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction.

I realized that all the traumas and losses I experienced in my past I had placed there as a means of shaking myself awake from the hypnosis of mass consciousness. It wasn't something someone did to "poor victim me". It wasn't some outside god punishing me for being a wayward, disgusting child--it was just me trying to come awake so I could discover MORE of ME, of life. So I could actually begin to KNOWINGLY CHOOSE what I desired to experience, and finally truly enjoy this EXPERIENTIAL GIFT I see as my own life.

And with being awake, comes the realization that it doesn't matter what choice you make. Because you're aware now that you can no longer get stuck in an experience you don't like--you just choose again. There's no longer any emotionally-charged guilt or shame about having made a wrong choice, because you realize that every choice is made from a place of naivete--we can't really know fully in advance what will happen. Because we each bring a brand new set of experiences to every single moment, no two moments or breaths or manifestations are ever alike. So the outcome of every choice is potentially different in some respect than the last time that same choice was made.

In short--there is NO SUCH THING as a WRONG (or right) CHOICE! You, no one, has really done anything wrong--ever! It was all just an experience, and when all is said and done--everyone still exists!

And my next greatest desire is to experience it with other awakened sovereigns--relating in ways that are TRULY FREE and way more fun than the wars and the energy-feeding and stealing--the POWER play-acts of the past.

It's a brand new world just waiting for each of us to say, "YES! I choose to be awake, to allow, and to receive and flow all the abundance I can breathe...I AM THAT I AM!--and that's all that matters...."

And so it is....welcome HOME to you!

Ascension: Realizing The Past Was A Bunch Of B.S.--Belief Systems--That Didn't Really Matter

There is a reason why I keep returning to the last hours and days I had with my dad--that's one of the defining moments where I ascended in consciousness. I woke up out of the box of belief systems I'd been defaulting to as my own truths, which they weren't. They were just a collection of emotionally felt beliefs that the mass consciousness of humanity around me suggested was the way life works and how we should be in it.

Crimson Circle's Tobias, Adamus Saint-Germain, Kuthumi and others have been reminding me and other Shaumbra (awakened wanderers, lightworkers, spiritual family members) from the very beginning, that if we had found ourselves drawn to their writings and gatherings and speeches--well, we had already ascended in consciousness. What we've been doing since, is seeing ourselves EXPERIENCE, bodily and mentally, that ascension--bringing Home/Heaven here to earth, beginning within ourselves. We were told over and over again that we could choose it to be an easy and graceful experience, or it could be difficult and traumatic and dramatic--but to remember that we had FREE CHOICE in the matter, with no judgment about there being a right or wrong way to experience it. And that we had already arrived so there was no need to fret or worry--just simply enjoy the only-of-its-kind experience.

Today it hit me that maybe I should share what that quantum leap into an expanded consciousness--that awakening into awareness of my real self--was like.

There was no choir of winged angels, nor were there streets paved in gold. It was just Dad leaving me. I'd tried everything I knew possible to make him comfortable as his organs shut down, and as the hallucinations I'd read about in the hospice brochure, hit. I had the heater on full blast with the windows wide open--and there still wasn't enough air for him. Out of sheer desperation, after refusing his request to take him outside (it was in the forties in the middle of the night), I even tried to tell him that Jesus would come get him. But the moment the words left my lips, I felt like I was just feeding him a line I wasn't even sure I believed myself. So I dropped it.

Finally, he just laid back against his pillows, and I asked him, "Do you want me to do your feet?" I'd been using foot reflexology as my means to touch and connect and care for him the last couple of weeks--often three times a day. He nodded his assent, and so I began the process of touching his entire body through his feet.

But this time was different than all the others--as I pressed and soothed each area connected to a specific organ of his body, I found myself saying out loud, "Well done, my son--I commend you to the Father." And again, "Well done, my son--I commend you to the Father..."

A bit surprising for someone who has never been baptized or schooled in an established religious organization, to realize a couple of months later--as she's watching a priest say the same lines on a TV show--that she was performing a last rites type of ritual.

But as my human mind yelled at me as I did it, asking, "WHO do you think you ARE? You're crazy...blah, blah, blah!"--I simply kept going. Because there was a warm expansiveness in my heart region that simply wanted Dad to know I loved him unconditionally and with a profound gratitude that is still expanding to this day. It didn't matter if Jesus or some other god loved him--what mattered in those last moments is that I realized that I LOVED HIM in ALL his ways, and I WAS GRATEFUL for him being a part of my life, my stories.

For a more in-depth rendering of this whole story of those last moments with Dad, click here: With Love, Dad.

I remember looking into my eyes in the bathroom mirror shortly after Dad took his last breath that following evening. Something was different, and I'm still hard-put to describe it. It felt surreal and I felt surreal...something profound in me had shifted.

I continued staying with my sister and brother-in-law for two weeks after Dad crossed over. I used the excuse of staying in order to help bring things to a close, but in truth, I didn't have any desire to return to my old life--the relationship issues, the career and job issues, all the trying to be a good neighbor and friend issues. Not one iota of any of it mattered anymore. As I wrote earlier--relationship problems and dramas of all kinds: religion, family, politics, government, education, business, jobs--it all seemed silly. NONE of it MATTERED! 

And I didn't know how to be in a world of belief systems about stuff that didn't matter to me anymore!

I remember walking into my kitchen to be warmly welcomed home by my husband and our beloved cats, Max and Molly--and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.

I simply wanted to hide out for awhile, to be alone. To not have to fix, do, be anything for anyone. I remember stepping outside onto our deck one afternoon only to glance over and see our elderly widow neighbor also standing outside. To me, at that moment, she was one more person to have to take care of--and I just couldn't take that on again, so I quietly slipped back inside my house cocoon before she saw me. Wouldn't you know, the moment I didn't want company, neighbors wanted to see me--ha! They all meant well, but, GOD!--did I yearn for some all-alone time in a pasture with just my pets and nature.

As I feel into those memories, I'm amazed I'm still here today, all these years later. The clipping of a single thread, and I could have easily left this world. It felt like such an empty VOID, and I had no idea where to go from there.

But, you see, it all worked out. I needed that time in the void to take stock, and to release myself from so many constructs and beliefs that I was operating on that I was unaware were there inside of me. Yes--I went through times of depression in the process of releasing. I had to empty out in order to make space for the new me that was emerging. But on the heels of those dark tunnels, dark nights of the soul, was this ENLIGHTENING of ME! Old baggage and burden after burden was dissolved away and I began to walk taller and straighter--much more confident and at home in my own skin than ever before.

And when I was ready to open up to friendships with others, they appeared in my life and through the internet, just like that (a snap of the fingers)! I discovered there were quite a few people around the world going through a similar awakening into themselves.

And in these friendships, I was reminded over and over, that I was doing just fine--that I was appropriately where and how I needed to be in every moment. Don't doubt yourself anymore! Trust yourself--you're really all that you have.

They reminded me to JUST BREATHE and be aware that I'm breathing and manifesting my life with every breath...

That I could simply choose what I desired "just because." I didn't have to earn the right, or prove my self worthy, first.

That forgiveness of self is knowing that past regrets and shames weren't really me. That was a person deeply asleep in the old layers of forgetting oneself and my connection to The Eternal.

That I didn't need to mentally try to figure any of it out....that mental analysis didn't really work to discover a true answer. 

That the true answers came from my heart, and I'd recognize it because it's the same voice of LOVE I listened to that night with Dad--that warm and comforting tingling awareness--of compassionate KNOWINGNESS...

And they reminded me to love myself fully, as I was reminded to do decades ago by that voice within me...the ONE that told me I AM SO LOVED...ALWAYS, IN ALL MY WAYS...

The Core Issue To Resolve All Violence

The core issue to overcome behind all forms of violence is each individual's fear of death.

In order to resolve the core issue, one has to be willing to explore death--something that I find amazing that few people are willing to do. After all, every single one of us dies at least once. Once you've overcome the power of the fear of death to influence your living of your life, the need for weapons, militaries and the control of anything or anyone outside of you falls away into obsolescence. And that frees up all kinds of a person's energies to be focused on things you may truly enjoy experiencing.

Professor Adamus St.-Germain (crimsoncircle.com) has said that if we're afraid of dying, then we should be terrified every time  we close our eyes to fall asleep--because the same things happen. We let go of our present reality and identities, and we surrender to our true self--our souls, our spiritual divinity. Our bodies and minds re-balance, rest, and rejuvenate. What is so scary about that?

And what if we can pick up our bodies and leave for a time, and then return at whim, without having to suffer some traumatic illness or "accident" where we leave a corpse for a loved one to deal with? I've heard of self-masters who have done just that, and I'm determined to experience that for myself. No sad-sack funerals for me.

I know a lot of old established belief systems have it in their best interest for existing by keeping the masses afraid of themselves and thus, of their death. But do you want to stay in that box anymore? Does it resonate with your heart? Does it set you free? Do you FEEL free?

Or are you truly sick and tired of the self-righteous bullshit used to rationalize violence, the bigotry and the excuses for doing harm to oneself and others? What if there is this amazing new way of living and manifesting that you're missing out on just because of clinging to old familiar beliefs--beliefs that keep you in the state of having "just barely enough," or in many cases, being outright miserable day after day after day?

We have a whole new realm of magical possibilities to experience, but in order to do so, that old fear-based stuff has to be examined from each person's heart instead of from all that conformity glob swimming around in our heads. Death is what we each have to explore to resolve it. Each person can only discover for themselves what it really is. I'm no longer leaving that up to someone outside of me to do for me--it's too important. I'm done sleeping through my life. I'm done apologizing for living and breathing--for simply being. I'm done with funerals. I'm done with sickness. I'm done with violence. I'm done with death. NO MORE!

Feeling Into Freedom--Simple Sovereignty

In the mid-nineties I explored the self-sovereignty concept, but in the end, I gave it up because it was too complicated, and it didn't seem possible to exist even partially happily if I wasn't participating in the current monetary and governmental systems. The problem with it was it was all mentally complex.  And emotionally and spiritually a confusingly muddy mess. Back then you had to fill out forms, write letters being so careful of the wording; and then I found myself fighting battles with government bureaucratic sheep who used intimidation and the media to keep outside-of-the-box thinkers from getting too far outside the box, for fear of it causing a revolution. I simply wanted my own freedom--this in a country (America) where we're supposed to be the lighthouse of freedom in the world.

Politics and wars are not the means of gaining freedom--they are distractions from the true freedom that ONLY YOU can choose, and live out for yourself....

My friends, if you haven't contemplated your freedom beyond going to the polls to vote for people you may or may not want to represent you (for me, it was often trying to pick the best of a limited two or three less-than-satisfying choices), I encourage you to revisit what true freedom means to you. I'm truly the only one who can represent myself--and that is no longer negotiable for me, which is why I chose to not vote this past election. That bullshit had nothing that I wanted any part of. I am that I am, sovereign of my domain!

EVERY SINGLE HUMAN IS A "Natural Freeborn Being" ON THIS PLANET! If you're living under the rule of someone other than yourself, don't fight with it (that will just densify that reality for you). Instead, open up to looking at it from the perspective that you put yourself in that situation--whether it be through karma, ancestral lineage or your soul's choice of experience--rather than someone doing it to you. 

It's amazing how empowered I feel in my life when I view everything I experience as something I have given to myself simply for gaining wisdom for my soul. Maybe you placed yourself in the midst of that authoritarian-type rule in order to be a Light to the more that can be possible simply by being a living example of how perspective and perception can break the bonds of any type of imprisonment.

We humans are the courageous and loving Experiencers for our own soul facets. We've been conditioned by mass consciousness to believe otherwise--that we're some lowly beings just trying to survive and eke out a living while learning lessons in order to perfect ourselves. We need to prove ourselves worthy of existing. And so most of humanity live out in their daily lives that they are these "hard-working" slaves to some job or other entity, never questioning it, much less, contemplating how it would feel to actually be free and the sovereign ruler of one's own life. 

We have been unconsciously making a constant choice to be subjects of someone else while never being aware that it is a choice, much less that we're the ones making it. 

It's a mental hypnosis that each of us, in our own time, will naturally awaken from.

We've accepted the Power Game Illusion--which is only a suggestion--as our individual truth, thus it's become so, and is manifested in our personal realities. Dictators, energy-stealers and terrorists and default governments simply fall away when they have no victims buying into their hateful conspiracy bullshit. At the core of it all--those playing those parts are just blind, terrified individuals, too--lacking in integrity on the human level, but on the soul level, just as amazing as any other soul playing the part of heroic human. 

We haven't been manifesting true freedom in our reality simply because we are not FEELING free--we aren't consciously CHOOSING to radiate that sensual freedom out into our own personal energy field that matches our every nuance in the creation of what we experience. 

The reason the paperwork and the fighting didn't work for me is because it was a limited consciousness I was radiating: one of emotional turmoil, confusion, self-doubt, and fear--so that is what I experienced. One person would use the Bible to condemn paying taxes, the next would use the same line as an argument to pay them. Both sides of the debate had a point, but I walked away still asking the question, "So what the hell is the RIGHT way?"

That wasn't freedom. But it was the catalyst that got me reading the entire Bible (and materials others said I shouldn't read) for myself, as well as delving into its history and questioning this thing that a lot of people blindly call "The Word of God." If they'd actually read the thing without being influenced by outside manipulators telling them how to study and interpret it, they would have found in its very pages, like I did, that it said not to trust outside teachers and prophets, especially those who had you focused on some outer event or being, rather than the truth that was to be found within oneself. (See I John, New Testament).

That is what I did--I tossed out everything I had been taught and conditioned to believe was true and real, and I started building a reality based on a foundation that resonated with me--IN MY HEART, not my head.

Manifesting your own personal freedom without war or distress: 

Close your eyes. Simply BREATHE gently and deeply into the spacious core of you, CHOOSE freedom, and then FEEL into it with every breath. 

DON'T try to envision it through your mind or figure out what it looks like or how to do it. Our minds think in terms of LIMITATION and will constantly chatter its REASONING as to why YOU or OTHERS CAN'T handle true freedom.

You don't have to convince anyone else. You don't have to fill out any forms or have the right words come out of your mouth in order to protect yourself. You don't have to battle anyone, have a soldier die for your freedom, or anything. Just breathe that gentle easy breath of life...feeling into  your own freedom...

Feel your protective armor drop--the clenched jaw relaxes, the tightened neck and shoulder muscles drop their burdens. The stomach muscles relax and you begin to feel a tingling warmth that spreads outward from your innermost being--and suddenly you feel open, expansive, radiant..........and you realize you're smiling with your lips and your eyes. Awww! That's what freedom feels like!

Keep feeling into your own freedom on a daily basis--maybe you'll surprise yourself with what you create peacefully through ALLOWANCE of yourself, instead of resistance.........

The Compassionate Lighthouse: A True Friend, Indeed

I love lighthouses because they don't meddle in others' lives. They simply stand firmly inside themselves upon a rock-hard foundation of their own unique creation, and they polish and shine out their brightest light in the moment at hand. They are the epitome of true compassion and friendship--of true mercy and grace.

When darkness of storm rages, with winds and waves of change tossing everything in the sea of life chaotically and frighteningly about, the lighthouse doesn't rush out into the sea to save ships--some who maybe don't even want to be saved or rescued. The lighthouse, as a true friend, realizes that maybe those ships would rather be reminded that they are the captains of their own life with their own unique path. All the friendly lighthouse does is stand quietly upon its own one-of-a-kind, safe and sacred shore; and it provides illumination in the darkness, revealing myriad potential paths of safety or treachery, fun or not-so-fun, ease or difficulty--not perceivable before. It's up to the captain to choose her/his own path of experience.

The lighthouse honors that FELLOW SOVEREIGN'S choice, no matter what, because the lighthouse knows deep within herself that ultimately everything works out okay. That, in her own experience, she was unaware of her own strength and grandness and gift of being until she journeyed through her own storms, her own way, using the lights of other houses of her choosing (or not) to sail her narrow, one-boat-wide path.

I'd rather have someone choose to be my friend simply because they liked interacting with me--not because I saved them and they feel indebted to me, or because I commiserated with them and felt sorry for them. Nor would I care to be some one's obligatory friend because they pitied me and felt superior from the deal. I'd rather walk away from a friendly interaction eyes smiling, and feeling uplifted and happy with myself--with them feeling the same about themselves. To me, that is pure friendship.

A few years ago, Adamus (see crimsoncircle.com) encouraged us to make the choice to lovingly and quietly disconnect for a time from our families in order to become aware of what we were bringing to the party antics that we call "family." By separating out for a bit, it would be easier to clearly see, and to let go of, our old relationship roles, patterns, stories and identities that no longer served us. We could choose to re-connect with them once again afterward, but we would do so more consciously aware of what we wanted from our interactions with each other.

What I realized in doing this exercise was astonishing for me--you see, I actually LIKED, LOVED and ADMIRED my family members before doing this. (To keep this simple, I'm speaking here about my parents and my brothers and sisters). But afterward--I FREELY like, love and admire them even more! And that is a huge FEELING difference.

I saw more clearly what I was unconsciously radiating out (or, more often than not, holding in and hiding) in my interactions with each individual. I saw the belief systems from which I was operating and co-creating my experiences with them. Many times it was the same old situation, just a different day. I realized how tightly I'd been holding myself in with them--for fear of their rejection of me! I had actually erected the strongest ego-protective barriers when around my family than with anyone, anywhere else.

The driving desire and passion under all of that is that I simply wanted them to like being with the authentic me as a true and pure friend. I didn't want them interacting with me out of obligation because we were biologically related--and holiday traditions or traumas/dramas dictated that we get together because that's what families do. I didn't want my family members coming to visit me because they thought it was the "right" thing to do--I wanted them to come because she/he liked her/him-self with me. And I'm actually okay now if people don't come to visit--I no longer take it as a personal slight. Compassion and love does let go--in their purest form, you have no expectations to fulfill.

Adamus's little exercise helped me let go of all those old perceived betrayals that my mind kept wanting to revisit just because it kept me occupied by feeling like a victim, which resulted in me sucking off the energy of anyone who happened to be in my vicinity at the time. Commiseration is kind of seductive, but it's not really that fun when one's done playing it out, and I never found a solution over any actual stumbling block by engaging in it.

Thirty years ago, I gave a high school graduation speech that I embarrassingly bawled my way through, not realizing at the time that I was a bit more sensitive to the emotional pain all around me--so much so that it all felt like it was my own. I would struggle for decades before I became aware that most (about 97%) of what I was feeling wasn't my own stuff. I was feeling into, empathing, the mass consciousness of humanity. I was stepping into other people's shoes and wearing them for periods of time, and playing with their belief systems and the stories created from them like they were my own. I then tried to figure out how to fix things for that person--make them happy so they'd like me.  Those kinds of friendships sucked the big one. The more I slaved over trying to be in service to someone else, the more taken for granted and ultimately, guiltily resentful, I felt about the whole situation.

I've realized I no longer care to feel all that empathy. To take on the pain and burdens of others and carry it around like it was my own in order to more closely analyze it to death, followed by trying to mentally figure out how to handle it for them. That was exhausting. I choose in its place to be a compassionate lighthouse: I'll self-fully radiate the brightest light I can muster, all the while, unconditionally accepting myself and everyone else in the moment at hand. 

As Adamus reminded me, "If it's in your life, you put it there--and only you can un-create it." No one can do anything to me or force me into something unless I've first radiated out into the universe that I want to play that particular game. On some level, in all the situations I've felt stuck in (or felt like I was being used or taken for granted), I've liked what I had going...and so it continued TO BE SO.

So I'm constantly going through my days now, taking moments to close my eyes, take a conscious breath, and feeling into what I'm radiating out into the world--am I open and smiling? Or am I braced for the worst?

In the speech, I quoted a song by the Beach Boys entitled, The Winds of Change. The line that resonated with me was, "There's a part of me that would like to be a shining lighthouse for all to see--and when the dark night hides the sun, shine a light for everyone to see."

True to form for me in my amazing, unintentional ability to hear lyrics incorrectly--thanks to recent access to the song via YouTube--I realized I misquoted the lyrics in my speech. It was 1982, we listened to music on cassettes, and we didn't have access to the lyrics unless they were printed on the album covers (no such thing as the Internet). I said instead, "In my life's dream, I'd like to be a shining lighthouse for all to see..." Hey! It worked, too! Ha!

As Adamus pointed out, it's not about shining a light for the world or anyone else. First, no one else really needs it--everyone has their own unique light, and a person can just end up stirring pots of trouble and ticking people off trying to be a flashlight for someone who is SO not interested in your beam. For me, it was simply about taking the lampshade off my head and quitting my hiding of my true heart, and self, from the world around me. It was about letting myself FREELY EXPRESS. For me, part of that has been done by writing this blog.

My point of all of this is:

The winds of change are definitely blowing, flowing and swirling around our doors. It's pretty stormy all over the world, whether it's a political or relationship fracas, a war, a storm, an earthquake, etc. It's an opportunity for each person to discover themselves and their unique expressions of light in all these storms that shake us awake out of our life-numbing hypnoses.

These dark tunnel experiences make us first become aware of, and then question, the belief systems/suggestions we've blindly made our truths in the past. In blindly living out "this is the way life is and this is how you live it" we never realized we could choose and live something else--possibly something MORE. These potentials for change are something to be embraced and celebrated.

As for the paths one picks to sail--well, they don't have to be difficult and traumatic. Maybe that's the experience you want--that's fine. But if you want it easy and gracefully smooth--just choose that, and understand you don't have to mentally figure out how to make it so. Just choose it and breathe, dropping off all the protective armor, lowering all the guarding walls surrounding the you within...literally.

Just open up and flow, flow, flow...quit thinking, judging, analyzing. Close your eyes, and allow GRATITUDE for everything instead.

Remember: the imperfect Little Human you is simply one COSTUME of many for your Divinity to experience itself. We're all just acting out fictional stories together.

Treat yourself with unconditional acceptance and gratitude for being ALL your ways.

I've breathed myself through many a trauma and storm, and hugged and encouraged myself like no one outside of me could. I encourage everyone to embrace and discover who you really are--there is no such thing as an ordinary lighthouse.

I have the opportunity to shine my light into my world, highlighting and choosing possibilities of life lived more joyfully and abundantly and PEACEFULLY than I ever imagined before.

I'm thinking my life's dream is coming true for me...in my own simple way...

With love, my friends and fellow lighthouses...

Your friend,
Beamer