A Den of Vipers
I am not a lover of snakes or most reptiles. They give me the heebie-jeebies. Many of my worst nightmares had me landing in a pit of snakes or being chased by them.
Recently I found myself in the human equivalent of a den of snakes and it wasn't pleasant. The thing with snakes though (I grew up in rattlesnake country) is that they really aren't' wicked and evil at heart. They're just reacting out of fear. They'll strike out at anything that approaches them--blindly. It's just a survival instinct....
And.... that's the same thing I found with these beloved human friends of mine.... Their religious belief system had taught them that the human heart was wicked, and there I was sharing my stories of my own experiences and conversations with "god" (actually, my own divine soul within me--but I knew they weren't ready to hear that!). I was telling them about reading one of their bible scriptures years ago that said to not study the literal word of the bible, but to explore it with one's own heart as a guide. To go within, have some inner reflection time. Boy, did I hit a nerve with that one!
I was firmly put in my place, because HE had read and studied the bible many times over and insisted that he had never read that, ever! I was treated to this scorn in front of their kids, whom I adore. He was showing off to them.
Their Holy Bible was the literal and end-all actual Word of God. Jesus was the one and only son of Him, and no matter how much I loved Yeshua/Jesus--if I didn't accept him as my savior then I--their friend who I KNEW they loved--was destined for an eternal hell. According to them it was justly deemed so by their wrathful and judgmental version of god. We lowly, icky humans couldn't possibly understand--nor were ever meant to--such a god's reasons and ways. Even if it didn't resonate with your heart (which was "wicked" to begin with) and seemed pretty cruel--you just don't question god. That, too, is a sin--you wicked bastards, you humans!
Oh, that's a heavy burden.... I'd be dead by now if I was hauling that around. He had a heart attack a couple years back and experienced another heart episode just recently. I now see it as his heart trying to open up, but his mind/ego putting on the brakes.
Now, I had not gone into their home with any agenda that evening. I never have. I knew that this is what they believed and practiced, and I honored them their free choice and sovereignty--their own paths. I recognized the contributing beauty of them. Somehow though, this time I found myself in the middle of this exchange as I shared some of my most profound and enlightening stories of my own experiences and personal realizations--the ones I shared on my blog: The Benevolent Rebel. They'd been curious about us, so I opened wide, made myself vulnerable, reiterating that I wasn't out to proselytize or convince them that they were all wrong and I was right. These were just MY STORIES, and they each had their own unique stories, and I celebrated them exactly where they were in them. But the human mind trap--purely as a survival instinct--had them striking out at me. My hands were shaking--I blamed it on the coffee, but it was their reaction to me sharing myself with them. It hurt.... and.... I'm just fine.... I survived it intact (rolling my eyes a bit and having a good laugh at myself now).
My husband and I did not sleep well that night. What the hell happened? How did we get ourselves into that? We had a fun time playing games with the family afterward, hugged and shook hands with one another when we left but I had this awful aftertaste. I was rattled and found myself no longer wanting to interact with them. To disconnect for a while. If they wanted to see me again, then it was up to them.... I wasn't going to subject myself to that again. Love sets boundaries as well as letting go. I had given them a safe and sacred space to be--a sanctuary--but they didn't reciprocate that with me. They had to be right, no matter the cost....
"Forgive them--they know not what they do."
I felt like I'd been attacked--piled upon by jackals and ripped to shreds by someone who had no awareness of doing that with me.
For those who have read any of my stories you'll understand that forgiveness, for me, was a steppingstone to having sincere gratitude for all parts played just for me. And so it is with this story of mine.
“Penny, what was the gift for you in this experience?”
I put it here--this highly unpleasant conflict of an experience--so what benefit did I get from it?
I had my own stories, and I shared them out loud with a joy and passion that I really only saved for my blog or with people that I felt safe with in the moment. Not with people I KNEW wouldn't accept my perspective with open arms. My beloved friends were reading and quoting bible verses at me left, right and center and I simply accepted them, let it flow on by me--15 years I made a safe space for them. When someone quotes stuff at me that they haven't experienced for themselves it pretty much sounds and feels like a boring, mono-toned teacher just passing along "facts" that he doesn't even feel excited about. Blah, blah, blah. Static, static, static--simply an irritating frequency.
After this night, I realized I'd never heard them share their own personal stories of realizations in all the years of our friendship. The focus was on the faults and idiosyncrasies of others and following THE rules, bible studies, and church. Their god was mean and judgmental--and so were they without realizing it. They accused me of creating a god for myself instead of accepting the "real" thing. They didn't see what I saw: They were being just like the kind of god they worshipped, which is what humans do....
The only time I saw them excited was when they got onto the subjects of eternal hell and damnation, evil, Satan, the wickedness of humans, the wrongness of Eve. The woman, the Feminine, was a subordinate in their view, instead of being an equal, but importantly different, partner to the Masculine. I've observed people caught up in this dogma and doctrine get a glint in their eye when they discuss these things. They're feeding off the drama and trauma surrounding these suggestions that they've made their truth. They like it! And you can argue yourself blue over the right or wrong interpretation or the "correct" bible with them, but you end up convincing no one of anything.
But stories--I realized that they didn't argue with my stories of my experiences--they couldn't! I suppose they could have written me off as a crazy loon and probably did--but if they're like me, nothing sticks with you like a story....
My beloved humans--share your stories. You and your experiences and your realizations are so much more of a gift than you can possibly realize! Forget the quoting crap unless it connects into your experience. Share your gift of what it's like being an imperfect human so you can see and feel for yourself what a true and unique gem you are--always, in ALL YOUR WAYS.
And I'm here--a lover of stories--ready to listen and celebrate and laugh with each and every one! Rejoice in the gift of this life on Earth and what we've discovered from it, story by story.... heart by heart....
Share your own good news!