Boring Conversations: Ailments, Relationshit, and "Poor Me" Excuses

I'm sick of people making up excuses for CHOOSING to not live their best life, and I'm tired of listening to the same old stories, ad nauseum....

WE ARE ALL SO MUCH MORE....

I've wasted too much of my energy participating in conversations about someone's latest diagnosis or ailment, especially when they really don't want to get past it. They just want someone to listen to them drone on while they pretend to have no clue why they put it into their experience. They're having fun....and....I'd rather be somewhere else....

Another all-too-common occurrence is commiserating over bad relationships, but continuing to stay in them for stupid reasons. And if you're miserable in that relationship--they are all stupid reasons. If it's in one's life, we're liking it--enjoying it on some level--because we're the only ones who can make the choice to let it go. The only way we resolve a bad interaction is to communicate directly with the other person--not by running to the kids, mommy, daddy, brother, sister, beer-, bong-, or w(h)ine-buddies....and....lawyering up is so cliché. Grow up.

Same goes for the idiots trying to get control of the masses--if each individual accepts total  responsibility for their own life and circumstances, the bullies have no one to bully anymore and the crap they put out will just return to them (the rightful owner) all that much quicker.

If I hear another "Poor me--I had such a difficult childhood" excuse for getting sympathy instead of taking responsibility for the life you've created, I'll probably puke. Childhood, puberty--growing up isn't easy really for anyone, and you're not going to get any reward for having the worst one. After all, it's what we do with those experiences that matters, isn't it?

Our ancestral bloodlines and our own personal karma were often the driving forces behind the families we were born into and the communities of people in our lives. We have a tendency to reincarnate along the same bloodline because we're familiar with it, pure and simple. Familiarity breeds a sense of security, false though it may be. Karma is what we angelic humans put into play as a means of keeping our range of experiences balanced here while we were unaware of who we really were and playing in a world of dualities. 

I'm also done with power game conspiracy crap. Jab or no jab, sick or not sick with a bug--it doesn't matter what you do or don't do. Your perception--your attitude about life and your enjoyment of it will determine the reality you experience. You can see the flu or coronavirus or whatever symptoms as just your means of personally releasing some old energies from your body to make room for the new; or you can blame it on someone other than yourself, get nasty sick, maybe even die. 

Ultimately, it's your choice, dear sovereign creator....maybe it's time to have a little mercy and compassion for yourself instead of looking for it outside of oneself....

You're actually the sovereign creator of your own life, your own realities....

Did we each learn anything about oneself with this whole CO-VID nonsense? You know, it was a chance to go within yourself to do some deep inner reflecting, decide what SUGGESTIONS resonated with you, and what didn't. But most people didn't do that. It got turned into a self-righteous fight--someone telling someone else how to be and do, instead of butting the hell out.

Riots???? Really???? Shame on anyone who participated in such an awful thing--and I do not throw the word shame out lightly....Ultimately, I can forgive and forget most anything, and I do that even with this....and....it's a damn shame people in this day and age are still capable of this and so many other atrocities that BLIND, DEAD-ASLEEP zombies commit. The thing is that whatever we do to another, we are actually doing to ourselves when it's all said and done.

People played into the bogus it's-the-law game spoon-fed you by the agenda-driven media by trying to fight within the corrupted system using the same old approaches. Protests are so yesterday, especially when you are your own sovereign. Usually it's just best to shut your mouth and go about your life on your own terms instead of arguing with someone else about things you're never going to agree on. The old social media was used as a means to promote and perpetuate fighting among family and friends and communities, pure and simple. 

A technological gift that allowed us a means to connect with each other around the world was sadly barbarically weaponized. Censoring free speech and biased fact-checking had nothing to do with friendship, self-responsibility or honoring freedom. I socialize with people in order to enjoy myself while in the company of others. Period. 

Just because someone outside of you tells you what you're supposed to do, doesn't mean you have to do it. Those people who are ill all the time often don't take their medicines or therapies anyway because they don't really want to be healthy. Because how else will they get the attention they so crave? But do we label them as criminals and throw them in jail?

I've found it effective to just leave the presence of whomever is annoying me in the moment and get on with living my own life. It's really not that difficult....

There has been a whole lot of superstitious, witch-hunting nonsense going on....and from elitist humans who are supposedly so evolved and civilized....

I am so ready to have some new, enlightening and fun conversations full of solutions, joy, humor, with no more pointy fingers and whiny dispositions....We definitely all are so much more than all that old boring shit....

I dare you to allow yourself to be SELF-SOVEREIGN! All those answers to everything you choose to know lie within you....

 

"Let go and let soul...."

I guess my Coat-It and Coddle days are officially over....

My Apocalypse: March 22, 2023

I woke up the morning of March 22, 2023, excited about this epic opening, but not really knowing what to expect in Minot, ND at 2:00 p.m. I made sure I got out for my daily walk to help keep myself open and my energies clear and flowing. My husband was working so I had the house all to myself and our cats. I can't recall what I ate or drank so it couldn't have mattered. 

Nor did I perform any rituals or meditations or surround myself with "magical" junk--they're just not my thing. They've always felt like impractical, time-wasting, superstitious distractions to me. Pretty much all of my ah-ha!s have come to me when I'm NOT trying to be or do spiritual. I'm usually just walking or napping or out in nature or doing something in or around water.

I grabbed my throw, pulled up the Heavens' Cross live webcast, and got comfy on the couch as Adamus St-Germain talked us through the exit, along the pathway we created, of the Crimson Council and all those on the other side of the Veil who had worked with us through the ages. Gratitude and honor flowed both ways. Our combined work was finished--we'd pierced an opening through the Veil, that mental mind trap that had kept us boxed off from our Divine facets or souls, and from our alternative lifetimes. That boundary that kept humanity encased in the belief that we were each and all insignificant little human beings just trying to survive had been opened permanently.

Was I a realm worker?

I just heard a familiar tone in my ear--one that's been faintly in the background for quite awhile--as I'm sitting here trying to recall what else was said. It's a specific sweet, high tone--my tone--in my right ear, with an accompanying expansiveness within that's difficult to describe, that came in as my awareness traversed through the Veil. 

I pretty much just let myself go--probably even fell asleep, or half so, but there was the point when Adamus addressed all the Realm Workers--humans who were embodied here on the planet, but who had basically been out-of-body these last few months, helping those on the Divine side to prepare the path through the Veil that would open up for all of humanity on this day, the Apocalypse.

When Adamus told all the realm workers that their work was finished and that they could now return to their bodies fully, I felt a th-whoomp back into myself. Now I'm pretty certain I was one of those realm worker people, but I did waffle with some doubt these last couple months.

When I first heard about the realm workers from reading Geoffrey Hoppe's article in the February 2023 edition of the online Shaumbra Magazine, their obscure and remote lives felt like a fit for me. I knew I definitely was a dreamwalker, yet, off and on, I'd find myself questioning whether or not I was truly one of those preparing the pathway. 

However, I've always been passionate in my view that EVERYONE had the Christ within and that EVERYONE would NATURALLY have their own unique realization/enlightenment without needing the guidance or input of any other individual or group or congregation outside of oneself. It's just nice to know you're not alone....It's nice to know you're not crazy....And....all of that feels like something important to consider when building a pathway familiar and practical enough for all humans to use....

Usually when dreamwalking, I can't function until I lie down and let go. I nap solidly, unmoving, for a couple hours during the day and it generally takes some time to re-embody afterwards. In the past, I never could remember where I'd been or even whom I was with, but within a few days, I'd discover someone I knew who had passed away.

But as a general rule in these past several months, I hadn't been feeling like taking a nap.  Instead, I've been going to bed earlier than normal, and I was dreaming most of the night and actually remembering some of them. However, I was still getting up every two or three hours until morning, as has been my sleeping habit for many years.

Bump-and-Fills 

In the February Shoud, Adamus gave a bit more information about the realm workers. He'd said they'd probably traverse the path through the Veil sometime in the weeks and days prior to the Apocalypse. He also told all Shaumbra that sometime around the opening of the Veil on the 22nd of March to expect a "Bump-and-Fill." 

A bump-and-fill is a means of causing a person to experience a momentary shock--through what appears to be an accident like tripping and falling or running into a wall--in order to bypass the mental cage that is the human mind. The shock shuts the mind off long enough to get a spiritual download from your higher self.

Intuitively, since the first snow last fall, I've been getting thoughtful inner nudges to be extra careful when walking on ice or when out shoveling alone in the backyard where no one would know I was out there were I to fall and knock myself out in the cold. I knew better than to make it much of a story--I knew I'd be okay, no matter how or if it transpired--but it was looping through, nonetheless.

Then on February 19th, while out walking the soccer park path with my husband, and prior to Adamus' heads-up, I actually did slip and fall on the ice. In less than a second, I was flat on my back, legs in the air like a turtle, and feeling the back of my head th-wump on the icy pavement. It was cushioned by my headband and hood. Shocked the hell right out of me, and hopefully, let some good stuff in. I took a moment to feel into myself for any hurts--there were none--collected my wits, laughingly got up and continued our laps, chuckling every time we passed my biffed-it spot. In hindsight, I'm thinking that was my bump-and-fill. Easy-peasy compared to the ones I've experienced in the past--I usually ended up with a bruise or two to commemorate it.

Bleed-throughs

The opening of the Veil allows us access to all our other lifetimes and realms of being. Adamus also informed us that we might experience bleed-throughs of other lifetime expressions as they basically intersected with this realm or lifetime. 

Even knowing this was a possibility, I was still caught off-guard one night when in the wee hours of the morning, yet very dark out, I awoke to hearing someone singing "Amazing Grace" and talking about I don't remember what as they walked through our house. It spooked me. I could hear them loud and clear, and I squished myself up a little closer to my deeply slumbering husband. No way in hell, was I going to get up and investigate. They eventually quieted, but it wasn't until the next morning, in the light of day, that I realized I'd actually experienced one of those bleed-throughs. I had a laugh at myself for being so frightened, and wished I'd gotten up and looked into it more, but in all fairness, I'd come to the whole experience out of a deep sleep.

I've experienced that type of phenomena from time to time throughout the years--and it's never been a comfortable experience. I'm trusting I'll finally get accustomed to them.

Kuthumi: "You don't have issues!"

It was the latter part of 2004 or 2005 that Geoffrey Hoppe channeled a shoud featuring ascended master, Kuthumi Lal Singh. I love Kuthumi! He is so light-hearted, humorous and fun--in his own way (not to offend any other ascended masters whom I hold in beloved regard).

Anyway, Kuthumi comes in with the simple and straightforward message, "You don't have any issues." Of course, even though it made blatant sense to me even at that time, I still seemed to haul some around....and....add some more as time traipsed on....

So, for physical issues--I still sport the ones I was dealing with and releasing to my soul in the months leading up to Heavens' Cross. I still see a human that's not as attractive as she used to be, though I do feel physically better than I have in a long time. She's gotten older looking--gray hairs, fuller face, saggier flesh, lighter lashes and brows, and that damn old scar on her cheek that's been bugging her since 2007. There's still a twist in her spine. 

I still experience the cold and hot, sweaty flashes that Adamus mentioned back in the Releasing Ancestral Biology course that I took part in back in 2015. Yeah--it's been that many years of it. Several months prior to those, I went through that joyful thing called menopause (which, for me, lasted only a few months, at the most). That was nothing compared to the burning off of the ancestral biology, though it has gotten more bearable. There was a time, in the beginning where they almost drove me crazy, they were so frequent and intense. I'd be just freezingly miserable one moment, and then so hot and drenched the next I couldn't stand bed covers or clothing touching the length of my spine.

In 2020, I had some colored flashes of light in my peripherals that ended up being floaters in my eyes that have plagued me ever since. I have great vision, but I am quite sensitive to lighting and smart phone screens these days, to the point where my eyes get so blurry and out-of-focus I either need to get outside to get it to clear up, or close my eyes and just sleep.

I stretch a little each morning and walk and eat pretty well....and....I'm SO READY for that Light Body to emerge in fullness....

Both my brother, Steve, and I tried pushing the envelope in attempts to manifest the more fitting body and joyfully-abundant reality potential that we just KNEW should be possible, but evidently we were still trying to do it all from fighting with old beliefs from within our human minds. We basically were still enmeshed in playing with powering our human selves through some really tougher-than-it-had-to-be things. The human's role is simply to experience--not force an agenda. 

Kuthumi stayed on Earth as an embodied master for 20 or more years after his realization, but he chose to leave because the mental aspect of human mass consciousness was getting so dense, even for him. So, I can only imagine the density of what we've been dealing with these many decades later.

Feeling like a hollowed out pumpkin with a few slippery, stray seeds (wounded aspects) buried a bit more deeply into the flesh than others.

Of all the old belief systems, I've long recognized that the one we call Family is probably one of the most difficult ones for me to maintain a clarity within. And that I've given my family members and those I feel closest to the greatest power to hurt me more deeply than anyone else. I'm also pretty sure they are all unaware I gave them that capability.

I've been releasing, releasing, releasing unto my soul like crazy leading right up to, and through, the Apocalypse....and....it seems there were some wounded aspects my human facet squirreled away a bit deeper than the rest. The Apocalypse seemed to unleash the whiny little bastards. The old injuries called up often happened when we were among other people, or it hurt too much to deal with it in the moment it happened. Plus, there was the shock one feels when people who I thought loved and appreciated me did things and said things to me that I wouldn't dream of doing--at least not at this point in my much-opened consciousness. 

I also have a tendency to tell myself to put on my big-girl panties and just let it go, because I do know we humans do awful things to each other based on our own insecurities surrounding self-worth. I knew my perpetrator was an asleep-in-the-hypnosis and cruel idiot lashing out at me in those moments, but the human part of me hurt even so. So, evidently, I stuffed it away until the great opening out of the Little Human box.

And....I probably hung onto those hurts a bit longer so I could have my own very sensual last hurrah of playing the role of victim. With all the letting go of everything, including this identity I built up this lifetime, a person gets all hollowed out to your core--all those slimy seeds and entangling membranes--just gone! While it feels good on one hand, on the other, it leaves a huge void, which the little human wants to fill up....only it doesn't know how to other than to bring up the past. What better way to help myself feel alive and pass a bit of time than to get angry over stuff that I knew I wasn't going to hang onto for long.

It's either that, or I was so busy out working in the other realms that it got shoved in a closet until I got fully re-embodied on the Apocalypse. Most likely, it was all of the above.

Savoring my last hurrah with old belief system Suggestions after the Big Reveal

These last couple of weeks after the fact, I have had moments, days even, of feeling totally pissed at the old world. Asleep and pushy people, politics, governments, news, social media, religions, businesses, educational, health. insurance, and financial institutions: I've just had it with all their ensuing B.S. I've felt so suffocated and inundated by their insane practices and policies focused on power and control of the masses. And I've lost all tolerance for the people who want to keep playing in those power games-- for both the perpetrators and those who continue to act like "poor me" victims. 

These human institutions and traditions that are supposed to be so rational and logical and safe have no common sense, practicality, or even decency. There's a lot of crap going on, and while I know to stand behind the short wall and not get involved or invested in any of it--well, it's so damned dense in mass consciousness, it's easy to find myself popping in and playing with it out of old habit and, let's admit it--boredom. So I got my anger on like the great drama queen I can be, said "Fuck" a few several satisfying times, took a breath, and laughed at myself as I finally let it go. It really is pretty funny that I can get so riled up yet, knowing what I know and feel within....

I know I've been choosing to dabble in it all one last time--savor it, knowing it is truly disappearing. With the influx of all this divine energy from Heavens' Cross, I know my own energy supports me playing out the victim even more so if that's where I choose to dwell, so, it feels like I've had my fill and gotten stuff out of my system....and....I'm feeling ready to stay out of my own way....

RELAXING and ALLOWING myself to just be....

Anyway, it's all just a conglomeration of SUGGESTIONS that I can choose from as to whether or not I make each one my truth and manifest it into an experience....

I've realized I'm not too worried about anything really. It's spring here. I'm digging around in the dirt, enjoying the melting and the sunshine, and being out with my cats and husband when he's around. I'm still enjoying staying home for the most part and not dealing with large crowds or traveling. And yet, I feel open to a grand change--allowing the totally new. 

Even moving feels like a great sooner-than-later possibility, one that I trust won't be as frustrating and difficult as those of my past. I'm open to having more than one easy-maintenance home scattered throughout the lands of this grand Earth, and to always have a safe and fun space for my pets to be with me no matter where I am....

Regardless of the details of the day, I continue to start and end each one glad to be here watching it all unfold--and, yes, sometimes wondering if anything is happening. Some days I'm a little more impatient than others. Yet when I feel into myself, I KNOW something magnificent is happening....It's just that it's starting deep within, and that it has to take some time emerging so I don't short-circuit myself out of a body and mind....

Welcome, Apocalypse! We got 'er done!

Preparing for the Apocalypse: Releasing, Not Stockpiling

It's only been 14 days since the Great Reveal--the slight opening through the Veil of Forgetting. It's the piercing of that mental fog of a limiting balloon that's kept most of humanity feeling and believing it was just a little human puppet on someone else's string. A little insignificant Human just trying to survive in a sometimes cruel and daunting world. Yet, this crack is one of the most significant events ever in the history of the evolution of human consciousness, as it allows every single human access to his/her true, whole self. 

We can now sense our own soul, our own Divinity, our master-self (our wisdom)--even our other lifetimes--right here within us with greater ease and grace. These other facets of oneself have always been here--we just couldn't perceive them all the time because our minds were keeping us preoccupied with our outer world (the sexual energy virus). I guess you could call it The Grand Distraction.

The Grand Distraction was never a conspiracy--we all signed up for the experience in the hope that by limiting our perception of oneself in a time-space-gravity environment, and by lowering our vibration enough to stay in a physical body in which to experience one's own creations, we'd understand more clearly who we were and how our energies served us. It was a means of answering those three questions: "Who am I?" and "How did I get what I got?" and "How do I get what I want?"

Leading up to March 22, 2023--The Apocalypse

It was recommended by Adamus St-Germain that those of us aware of this apocalypse journal about our personal experience of it. So here goes....

In the months leading up to it I was focused on self-care and releasing baggage to my soul without processing or analyzing the crap out of it. I was literally cleaning house on all levels and letting my identity go....

Even prior to knowing about the Apocalypse, intuitively, it made sense for me to start making lighter-feeling foods and to cut back on the amount of meat we ate just because I'd feel more of an acid-reflux if I had too much of it. I eat a lot of baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, Himalayan salt and fresh-ground pepper. I still consume butter and I bake homemade-from-scratch sweets, but I lean towards desserts that have a lot of oatmeal and whole-grains and fruit--and still taste yummy. Otherwise, why eat it at all if it doesn't taste good? Quite awhile ago I started using organic cane sugars, rather than the highly processed stuff because it actually tastes better. I eat an apple a day or a couple prunes and I go through a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables, mushrooms, brown rice and beans. We still often have our weekly DQ meal just because we enjoy it. I like French fries yet.

I know that eventually, when my light body (or free-energy body) fully settles in that what, when, how, or if I eat will no longer be an issue. I had tried to allow myself to eat whatever and however in the past, but I recognize now that I was trying to do it through my human facet--a part of me that was inundated with suggestions about the "right" way and things to eat. I was constantly inwardly mentally battling with outer-world ideas of what was true--that mental stuff is just so damn dense. I'd just feel clear and set in allowing myself to consume whatever without a story, and, sure enough, someone would pop in who had certain diet restrictions they were playing with. And off I'd go on an internal mental fight loop.

When Adamus reminded us, "Release it all, everything--without having to pinpoint or specify what it is--to your soul...." it made it all so much easier....I just let the dam that is me open up and let it ALL flow out and go away....I quit thinking and dinking around with it.

Walking outside has always been my safe and sacred time with myself, and last fall I'd decided I was going to walk daily--or at least get outside even if it meant shoveling snow. My husband joins me when he can, but we can walk with or without talking, too, and I'm grateful for that. We've discussed how easy it is to walk nowadays. We no longer get winded, and it's such a sense of joy at having gotten out and interacted with nature. The energies and stories just release and flow with each step....

I also had no desire to go out among a lot of people--not even to eat out or dance. Definitely didn't care to travel. Nor to be around a lot of family gatherings. Plus, I found myself opting out of playing in family illnesses or dramas or traumas. Those stories still go on....and....I recognize and honor each person their chosen creations to experience. I no longer feel a sense of obligation or responsibility in playing it out with them just because I'd once been programmed to think I should. I know they are divine souls having a human experience....and that we are all okay, no matter what....

March 15th was the one-year anniversary of the suicide of my nephew, and I confess to feelings of anxiety leading up to it. This past year I've let my brother know that I fully support him and that I'm proud of him for choosing to take care of himself through probably one of the worst experiences of a parent. I know not to preach anything at him--he's going to navigate this dark night of the soul his own way, appropriately so. All I can do is ask him to keep himself open to something more than the way this type of story would have played out in the past--that's all I could do for myself. Stay open with hope.

Ultimately, I realized that this was an experience he personally chose to have--not from the human level, of course, but from the soul level, and my job was to not meddle. No sane human would choose this. From the broader perspective of the soul/our divinity, his higher self chose to have his human facet--the Experiencer--act out the story of losing a loved one to suicide, as did I. But it's up to each of us sovereign individuals as to how we go through it. 

I released it to my soul....and....knowing about the Apocalypse helped me, even though I don't really know what to expect. Except that I do know that none of my loved ones who have crossed over to the other side are truly dead....each one is an eternal soul who just left a temporary earthly human costume behind.

Tommy Hicks' Vision

Tommy Hicks Vision (July 25, 1961) has stayed with me, even though it was interpreted from a religious point of view, parts of which don't fit with my perspective, like a wrathful god or the only "son of god" named Lord Jesus. I see it having been interpreted the best humans knew within the confines of the consciousness of the times. 

The "End of Times" to me, refers to the end of an era of limited conscious awareness--not the end of humanity or the planet. What has truly felt fitting is that people of all walks of life became enlightened. The Christ Light was a potential within every single human--but just not embraced by everyone all at once. Some wanted to continue basically playing in the old power game illusion, which is exactly what is happening currently in my world. Suddenly the awakened people, embodied masters, had light bodies that could appear and disappear all over the world. And, yes, there would be chaos around the world, but not because there was a wrathful god at the helm--but because it was time for humans to wake up to who they truly were. A bit of shaking things up helps with that.

The gigantic human in the vision (representing all of humanity) has constantly been flowing through my thoughts since I heard of Heavens' Cross, or the Apocalypse. This giant finally stands up with its arms raised, pierces through the clouds and into the heavens (finally connects with its own divinity/soul and alternative realms), as all the parasites (sexual energy virus) and debris (wounds, scars, guilt, shame, suffering) that had been clinging to it and holding it down fell away. 

That's pretty much how it see it for myself. The little suckers and all the crappy baggage I took on have played their part and now they're done....or I'm done with making them an issue for myself to mess around with....

Realm Workers, Embodied Workers, and Other Side of the Veil Workers

Every bridge needs support and balance at each end and in the middle....

In the February, 2023 issue of the Shaumbra Magazine, Geoffrey Hoppe brought up and explained the concept of realm workers, and in the following Crimson Circle Shoud that same month, Adamus addressed it further. I got a bit of an ah-hah as I read through the description--the rather obscure, solitary, quiet life of those who spent most of their time dreamwalking in other realms while incarnate here on earth seemed to fit me. 

I've resonated with being a dreamwalker ever since my experience with the crossing over--"death"--of my dad. And, let's face it, very few readers find this blog that I've been writing since August of 2009. Ha! I don't know how many times I've been ready to just delete the whole works, yet I find myself back here putzing away, throwing things out into the world of the Internet, exposing myself and my many human foibles. I don't get things right all the time--imagine that.

It's my understanding that the realm workers basically worked in just the last several months to create a path through the opening in the Veil--Heavens' Cross--by making it as familiar as possible to humans who traversed it on the Apocalypse, and after, into their alternate realms, and to encourage them to return to their bodies on earth bearing the gifts they retrieved from those realms they had difficulty accessing and bringing things back from before. 

I also had a sense that my brother, Steve, who had crossed over in 2016 was one of those on the other side doing their part to balance the shift and assist with the pathway creation, as well. I've always felt that there is no hierarchy of roles in what we are all doing here--those who come last and in-between are as critical to maintaining the grace and balance and ease of the shift of the whole as those who go first. No part is greater than another--even those who are deep asleep in the hypnosis and enjoying playing in the power games yet are helping to hold a balance so we don't spring completely out of physicality.

Plus, there are those who stayed embodied here, some who were in the limelight more than others, but who, altogether, definitely helped me to maintain a more graceful life, helped me actually stay alive: My utmost thanks to Geoff and Linda Hoppe and the Crimson Circle staff and Shaumbra who put up with so much crap through the years from deep asleep humans' criticism and ridicule and rejection--and yet, you stayed true to your passion and delivered the messages of  Ascended Masters Adamus St-Germain, Tobias, and Kuthumi with a clarity that calmed me and inspired me in my own path, and maintained my hope in bringing about that something more I just KNEW was possible....We all did it!!!

There were other embodied workers whose messages encouraged me as well: Paul Solomon, Edgar Cayce, Kryon (channeled by Lee Carroll), Steve and Barbara Rother and the Group, Ronna Herman and Archangel Michael, Neale Donald Walsh, Gary Zukov, Caroline Meiss, Betty J. Eadie. That's just to name a few that spring to mind in the moment.

There is an epic masterpiece of a film documentary that was released for free to the world on March 22, 2023, on YouTube entitled, "Rude Awakening." I encourage you to watch it several times because, as in life, there are so many layers to our experiences, especially so when awakening to who you truly are. Here is the link to the free version: https://www.rudeawakening-film.com/  

There is also an extended version with more interviews that is well-worth the nominal fee.

I am that I am....Thou shalt have no idols before me....

Ultimately, though, I have my soul, my human facet, and my master-self (wisdom gained) to thank for everything. This has been quite the lifetime of experience getting to this point and I can't wait to experience how it all unfolds after the Apocalypse....Some days it feels like it's taking its own sweet time, and others, I'm good with it....and....I'll leave all that comes next for another post....

Related Post:

My Apocalypse: March 22. 2023

Winning in the Big Game of Life Doesn't Matter

Those trophies I once sought and savored sat on the shelf collecting dust until I finally realized how little they mattered to me and threw them out....with a huge sigh of relief....

Whether I won or lost a game never really mattered to me.

As I was out on my daily walk yesterday, dodging ice patches and stepping over snow drifts, I was taken back in a bit of a dreamwalk to my youth, and I remembered how I approached any game I played. I remembered playing monopoly one night where I went bankrupt and had a bit of a fit. But it wasn't because I lost the game. It was because I was eliminated from playing the game any further. I felt like I was missing out on the fun.

My brother, Steve, who was ten years older than me, used to say I often beat him playing checkers--and it wasn't because he let me. I don't really remember that. I just remember enjoying the game with whomever would play with me.

I grew up on a farm in southwestern North Dakota (USA) so we had long winters where we occupied ourselves playing card games like Pinochle, Whist, Canasta, Speed, Uno, various versions of Rummy, etc. I don't remember my wins, but I do remember a lot of laughing and simply having fun. I recognized patterns fairly easily, but not to the extent of caring enough to count cards. Often, I remember bidding way too high on my hand in a Pinochle game just for the heck of it to see how it played out. Of course, I lost most of those. 

There were enough siblings, along with their mates, in our family to play volleyball on warm, sunny days. Again, I don't recall a single score. What I remember is the joy that came with keeping the volleys going back and forth over the net. And the hilarity of my brother, Tim, ripping holes in his jeans as he'd nose-dive to the ground in an attempt to keep the ball in the air. Again, there was a whole lot of laughter.

When I was dating my first boyfriend we'd spend weekend evenings playing a homemade game called Marbles (similar to Aggravation). My sister-in-law partnered with me against Tim and Arlen, and the antics that ensued were rollicking good fun. Those two guys would kill one another off in a strategic attempt to best us girls. Sometimes it worked. And when it didn't, and we took out one of their marbles, they came up with the very picturesque adage of "being caught with their pants down." You probably had to be there. The funny thing is, we weren't drinking anything stronger than Pepsi--and those two guys were entertaining as all get out. They are some of my best memories from those days.

None of it matters, not really....

My true awakening realization occurred in the final days and moments I had with my dad as he used the story of death by lung cancer to exit this world. I realized that all the wins and losses in relationships, finances, education, health, government, politics, religion--well--none of it mattered at all. It was just a game where ultimately the score didn't matter. It was a conglomeration of stories of experiences. And, on some level, I enjoyed playing every single part of it....and....I was grateful for the opportunity to just play....

"Shut the Effenheimer Up!": An Effective Tool for Your Whiny Victim Aspects

I was printing this post out for a very dear friend of mine who encourages me in my writing, and I realized I wanted to clarify a few things and share a bit of background on the subject of me and cussing. 

I attended a one-room country school for first grade, and if I remember correctly, there were only five or six kids total, all of them older than me. The school closed, and I attended "town school" from 2nd grade on. It was on the playground of the public school that I first heard the word, "shit," and I tried it out in all its glory as our mom drove us home from school that day. 

Mom replied, "Pen, we don't say that word." And that was all it took for me to stop.

I didn't hear much cussing from my dad when he was around us. Maybe my brothers heard it when out working with him, but he didn't make it a standard practice from what I recall. My brother, Steve, said he learned how to swear from the custom combiners that helped harvest our crops. Ha! Some of my other brothers closer to me in age--now they could let the 4 Letters fly with gusto, especially when puberty hit! Ha!

My family wasn't prudish: I had a great uncle who was a dear fishing friend of my dad's, and the man told all kinds of naughty jokes. I've had a lot of laughter in my life--and that truly has probably been my most saving grace of all.

With all that said, swearing is something I've kept a fairly tight lid on most of my life, and it's a trait shared by many of us older Shaumbra. Ascended master, Adamus St-Germain has seemingly made it his mission to encourage us to get into that truly authentic being that we are, and to realize that sometimes an F-bomb is the best communication out there for specific moments and uses. And I've realized lightning hasn't struck me down for ever using one....

I don't cuss all the time because when swear words are in every utterance of a person's mouth I get desensitized to them. They lose their oomph. I quit listening....and....

There are times when I need that bit of shock and awe of a well-placed "F-bomb" to make my point clear--to take that stand within myself that leaves no room for negotiation or compromise. 

"Tell those victim aspects to shut the fuck up!"

In the 2023 February Shoud, Sovereign ascended master, Adamus Saint-Germain (crimsoncircle.com) made that recommendation to a fellow Shaumbra who was allowing an aspect that insisted she was an alcoholic to run her life.

We've all created aspects in this lifetime and in other lifetime expressions of our souls. Some of them were created out of traumatic circumstances: death by torture, actions that caused remorse, unresolved guilt and shame, intense anger....Some leave energetic imprints in the form of physical or emotional or mental wounds and scarring. I've recognized these as the Victim voice within that constantly reminds me that someone or something outside of me is causing me to endure something I don't like or want, but cannot change or manipulate or control (this is the Sexual Energy Virus).

I've been playing the role of wife in a marriage, and it's given me plenty of opportunities to play with being the victim of my husband's ideas and actions. I've had 33 years of practice, plus a few more when we were just dating. With awakening, I have struggled long and hard with trying to get past feeling like a victim--this blog is littered with those stories--but wrangling with them only makes them stronger and more steadfast in my reality. 

I have managed to go beyond many of them by allowing my perspective to shift and somehow choosing to finally just let them go and get on with living my life. I clearly remember doing that when after episode after episode of watching in powerless fear as my husband rode off on his motorcycle, I suddenly realized I'd been insisting on recreating the trauma, and its ensuing emotions, of losing my first boyfriend in a motorcycle accident all over again. I shook my head at myself, grinned, and let it go. It was such a relief! And here it was, just that simple, easy....

"Just let it go....and get on with living your life...."

Oh, those whiny frickin' voices within that like to keep insisting that I'm being wronged or taken for granted....I realized I still had a few....

Adamus' little tool really worked for me. I found myself telling those tantrum-throwing, incessantly whispering little shits to "Shut the Fuck Up!" And I did it a few good times whenever I found myself feeling like a powerless victim. I left no more room for them to get a word in edgewise. I stood firm within myself as I belted it out, and then went on as though they never existed....and so they were gone....I no longer suffer the fools. I tell them all to "Shut the Fuck up!"....I'm done playing that game.

As everyone reading this can see--I have quite the amusing conversations with myself.

Over-population: The Fear Driving the Power Players

There is an element in our society who is AFRAID (key word) of the over-population of our Earth.

Fear of not having enough resources to survive here, much less thrive, has been driving all the power plays we see going on and now being revealed.  

With the development of the smart phones and other technologies, that which was once hidden away is now being revealed instantly the moment events happen by any human anywhere in the world. No more secrets. No more naughty shenanigans without traumatic repercussions. Karma can be a bitch for the unawakened, power-and-control-grasping human--and it's not waiting anymore for another lifetime to kick-in.

The Power Game: An Illusion and a Delusion

My dad, in his bid to bring about a better world where people didn't go hungry and it wasn't ruled by those in power, inspired in me the courage to delve into such matters on my own in the mid-nineties. It was a terrifying hell in which I felt very small--of no significance whatsoever in my own world. However, I did manage to drum up enough attention to myself by refusing to pay an income tax that I didn't like being misused by "public officials" to kidnap our beloved children for their sexual deviances. I lost all interest in the political game--I could tell most of them were simply after fame and fortune and power and control. None of them seemed actually interested in finding a true resolution or in changing a dysfunctional system. It was all about the manipulation of others to their own benefit.

Even the Christian religion got watered down and compromised away from its pure beginnings by human elements interested in power and control of the masses. There are scared little humans even in the pulpits. There are popes and rulers driven by power throughout history who manipulated the writings of their sacred texts and the messages delivered to their followers. 

Not so very long ago, by being able to control the narrative delivered to the masses by ownership of the mainstream sources of news media, dens of deep asleep little humans, trying to maintain power and control over their outer "others," have been plotting the demise and control of the rest of their human brothers and sisters. They didn't want too many humans around to infringe on their luxurious way of life, but they wanted some good slaves, too. This has been going on for centuries....and....this Survival of the Fittest mind trap is on its way out. And it's not going quietly in this last hurrah breath.

It's a Big Pretend Game: Absolutely NO ONE can actually steal energy or eternal life from another person....

The key to ending the game is to CHOOSE to just quit playing the game of being anyone's victim. Live out your best, most enjoyably abundant life without giving those who choose POWER games the time of day. That way, whatever crap a person puts out will automatically return and knock them on their behinds quicker. A bully who can't entice someone to act like their victim sits all alone in their own stinky poop....

Individual bubbles of biology may bounce into one another, but they can't actually overlap or intrude.

Every person has his/her own "I am" conscious awareness center surrounded by his own personal field of energies to serve that specific consciousness. Everything we need to survive and thrive is right at hand within our own sphere of energies specifically in service to each of us alone. I picture us each as these clear bubbles bumping up against one another but they never actually overlap or insert themselves into each other. 

However, one bubble can make a SUGGESTION to another that the other can CHOOSE or not to make her truth. For example: 

"This is who you are, what you do, and how you do it." 

Or "This planet is limited in its resources and there isn't enough for all to live abundantly. There's not enough free, clean energy for everyone." 

Or "You lack, you poor, pitiful Little Human--so others need to be responsible and take care of you."

We've been individuals creating our own realities based on the suggestion of others OUTSIDE of us. Most of us, for eons of time, have been unaware that this is what we've been doing.

So when someone suggests that there are others outside of you who can control and have full power over your life--and you accept that as your truth--wha-la! you have manifested a persecutor in your created experience. You get to act out what it's like to be a victim.

Don't Fight! Shine your Light!

The more a person fights and messes around with a struggle or a battle within your own reality bubble, the more entangled you become. The creation gets more entrenched, more solidified. You can't fight your way out of it because your TRUTH that there is a force greater than you keeps you feeling like you're a victim--and that radiated consciousness will continue to create monsters ALL FOR YOU! 

You have to quit the story. No more! I am done! Eff off! CHOOSE to be done, take a few good deep releasing and clearing breaths, and act like it no longer exists in your life. Forgive and forget it. It was all simply just an act--a Let's Pretend Game, all done out of love to gain wisdom for your soul by having a human being experience. 

You, the human, are simply The Experiencer. You don't distill the details of the experience down into the wisdom gained--your soul does that. Once you choose and release the act and the story and all your feelings and thoughts to the soul, it gleans the wisdom from it, and in return you shine a little clearer, a little brighter. 

And that clear light emanating from your bubble shines out onto the surfaces of the bubbles around you, highlighting potentials in their own field of energies that they just couldn't perceive before because it was too dark or too mucky, or both. Their awareness of themselves and who they truly are was just limited for a time--for a purpose that has now expanded. 

You're like a lighthouse--quietly shining revealing potential paths home to the Eternal One that resides within every single human being. The god within.

"Thou shall have no idols before me."

Yeah, that's one of the commandments given to Moses in the Old Testament of the Christian Holy Bible. And lately, it's been blinking like a neon sign at me.

I grew up with the Christian religion all around me. I was never raised in or schooled in any particular perspective of it. I did feel an affinity with Yeshua and Christ Consciousness, but not with the Savior Jesus slant. Something deep inside me knew none of us needed saving. Some loving god sending his beloved children to an eternal flaming hell never felt right. 

In other people, I can now detect an I am having fun with this "Let's Pretend there is a devil or evil Satan to fight Game." But I no longer feel the need to clear that up or say anything contrary when I realize they are simply having a personally chosen experience and that they are okay no matter what happens.

However, I wasn't always this undoubtedly clear all my life. I used to talk to god and my eyes were focused on some god out there, everywhere else but within me.

Finally, I realized somewhere along the way that I was addressing the god within me--within my own I am self. I'd be talking to myself in a mirror or when out walking, gardening, relaxing with a cup of coffee, or even in the bathroom (because it's quiet in there and it's a great place to release stuff....Grinning!).

I realized the idols referred to in that commandment given to Moses were actually anyone or anything outside of oneself that I worshipped or placed in a position higher than myself. Basically, to idolize anyone or anything outside of myself is to hand my self-sovereignty--my freedom--over to someone else. Thou shalt have no gods other than my own soul, my "I am." 

And that is the truth I choose to highlight for everyone else: Don't place anyone or anything other than you greater or higher or of more authority over you than the "I am" soul, the only god for you alone, and it's within you....

It always has been there, we just forgot it for awhile--because the sensual experience of it being out there somewhere else makes us appreciate more profoundly having it all within, right at hand....

I know it's seductive playing in the conspiracy realms--been there, done all of that--but when you do, you keep perpetuating the fighting instead of releasing it from your own life....

and possibly experiencing something far grander....

You have joyous abundance--all at hand within your own bubble of reality. No one can take it from you if you release the suggestion that they can from your truth.

Allowing Others Their Experiences, Letting Go of Things and Their Stories

March 22, 2023 is fast approaching: Heavens' Cross (aka the Apocalypse: the great opening or revealing) is finally nearly here, and life as we know it is going to change completely....

We ALL will have access to our own Souls, Divinity, Wisdom, other realms while still incarnate here on Earth!

This resonates profoundly with why I am here. I don't want to miss out on this epic event in our planet's and humanity's history. Oh, the stories we will be able to tell....

The past few months since I learned of the actual date of the event (back in November) I've realized I've been cleaning and clearing house--on many different levels.

I've been watching my old identity really melt away. I've become aware that sentimental items that I'd just kept out of a sense of loyalty more than anything were keeping me imprisoned in the stories associated with them. I didn't realize how much so until I asked myself, one-by-one, if I should discard them and the answer was always a resounding "Yes!"

Ben, the worn and ragged teddy bear Dad gave me when I was twelve, got one last kiss and hug of gratitude as he found himself placed in the garbage along with a birdhouse knickknack Mom had given to me that a friend of hers had made. Along with those went a ceramic cat I'd had for decades that my sister-in-law (who had a cat phobia) had painted and gifted me. I didn't realize until the moment I let each one go that I'd been keeping us all in a limited cage of beingness--especially my sister-in-law. I'd been keeping her unhealthy....As for my parents--there was a story of lack of abundance woven into the story of love from whence the gifts were given....

I felt so much relief that I decided to tackle my cedar chest. I let go of the newspaper articles of my old boyfriend's accident and death, once again not realizing the low energy I'd been holding onto all these years. Into the bin went all the obituaries of all my loved ones, and with that came in the ah-ha's! of seeing how I had so many awesome memories of my loved ones far beyond that photo and bare-bones message on each missive. I'd been hanging onto the loss and grief with those dang things!

I've also been throwing away a lot of photos, many which are reminders of times when life was fraught with a great deal of lack in abundance in all forms. It's especially freeing to get rid of old photos of myself. I may have been thinner in them (and hotter, according to my husband), but I was also haunted....I seldom liked how I looked in photographs. Plus, after sorting through stuff when loved ones have crossed over, I've realized that no one else wants pictures of people they don't personally know. I may as well unburden myself now.

With all this releasing, I've discovered that my daily walks in nature--or shoveling snow, as it is winter here--are becoming physically easier, and so even more enjoyable. A few days ago, I slipped on the ice while walking with my husband and landed flat on my back, thunking my head on the pavement. I admit I've been kind of concerned lately about walking or shoveling on my own and having a fall like that happening. I showed myself that I'd be okay. I didn't get hurt--not even my head--and after giving myself a moment to recover, I got back up, laughed it off and continued enjoying our walk. I discovered I am quite resilient....

Trying to convince otherwise someone who's intent on being and acting unworthy is a waste of my time and my energy.

I also finally am experiencing myself letting go of worrying about anyone else in their chosen experiences which often turn out to be dramas and traumas that I've played in for years. I take full responsibility for putting myself in them--I chose to play the games that are all pretty much some version of the Sexual Energy Virus....and....now I'm discovering how easy it is to just step out of them and allow myself ease and grace while allowing everyone else to live their own lives and CHOSEN experiences. What a relief!

If you don't care about and appreciate yourself and choose to be well in all aspects of your life, then why the hell should I care about you?

Isn't it rather selfish to expect someone else to give a damn about you and your health--your joy in life--when you aren't taking responsibility for yourself?

If you're drinking too much alcohol, that's on you--I don't care. I just won't be around to watch you play out your poor-me, I'm-an-addict story....Blah, blah, fricken blah!

If you think taking legal or illegal drugs: anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, or any other mood-altering substance (even herbs) is helping you cope, guess again....you're flat-lining yourself. You're numbing and dumbing yourself down. Giving yourself a chemical lobotomy--is that your answer? 

Ultimately, we all know on some deeper level that you're running away from yourself, and if you don't look at the crap you're trying to avoid, and grow through it by allowing yourself to FEEL and realize who you truly are, you may as well call it all quits. Don't waste your breath whining about the storms and dark tunnels of the soul that ONLY YOU put yourself through....I don't care!!!! 

I don't give a crap anymore because I know ultimately that every single one of us is okay. That all these stories are Divine Creator beings pretending to be All-alone Little Humans. We've just been gaining COMPASSIONATE WISDOM about our own I Am selves and learning how our own fields of energy/communication serve these eternal points of conscious awareness that we each are....

The best way to rid yourself of old systems that no longer serve your best interests in well-being in all ways is to make them obsolete in your own life--take total responsibility for yourself, and take care of yourself, appreciate yourself.

Those crappy healthcare, insurance, economic, education, business, media, government--and technological--systems are being a service to you in that they are allowing you to experience what it's like to depend on your outer world to take responsibility for your life--their failures and betrayals will either cause you to go within and you'll wake up, or you'll die basically fighting with yourself. All those old systems are your own creation--your acceptance of a suggestion about how life works that you alone have made your truth.

When you quit playing and seeing yourself as the Victim in all your own creations--these OUTER world entities like organizations or other individuals--their energies become released, neutralized and integrated into your Body of Consciousness, and are now available to manifest in a new form and service more appropriate to your free and sovereign awareness of yourself.

Wake up!!! Stop looking outside of yourself for your answers. Stop limiting yourself by defining how and who you are as a single identity. You're so much more....I am so much more....

The apocalypse is on its way, and we'll all soon discover that even the few words I've written here don't matter either....

It's so liberating even though I really have no idea what to expect....I just feel so much lighter right now, and that's all I've got--my present--