Preparing for the Apocalypse: Releasing, Not Stockpiling

It's only been 14 days since the Great Reveal--the slight opening through the Veil of Forgetting. It's the piercing of that mental fog of a limiting balloon that's kept most of humanity feeling and believing it was just a little human puppet on someone else's string. A little insignificant Human just trying to survive in a sometimes cruel and daunting world. Yet, this crack is one of the most significant events ever in the history of the evolution of human consciousness, as it allows every single human access to his/her true, whole self. 

We can now sense our own soul, our own Divinity, our master-self (our wisdom)--even our other lifetimes--right here within us with greater ease and grace. These other facets of oneself have always been here--we just couldn't perceive them all the time because our minds were keeping us preoccupied with our outer world (the sexual energy virus). I guess you could call it The Grand Distraction.

The Grand Distraction was never a conspiracy--we all signed up for the experience in the hope that by limiting our perception of oneself in a time-space-gravity environment, and by lowering our vibration enough to stay in a physical body in which to experience one's own creations, we'd understand more clearly who we were and how our energies served us. It was a means of answering those three questions: "Who am I?" and "How did I get what I got?" and "How do I get what I want?"

Leading up to March 22, 2023--The Apocalypse

It was recommended by Adamus St-Germain that those of us aware of this apocalypse journal about our personal experience of it. So here goes....

In the months leading up to it I was focused on self-care and releasing baggage to my soul without processing or analyzing the crap out of it. I was literally cleaning house on all levels and letting my identity go....

Even prior to knowing about the Apocalypse, intuitively, it made sense for me to start making lighter-feeling foods and to cut back on the amount of meat we ate just because I'd feel more of an acid-reflux if I had too much of it. I eat a lot of baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, Himalayan salt and fresh-ground pepper. I still consume butter and I bake homemade-from-scratch sweets, but I lean towards desserts that have a lot of oatmeal and whole-grains and fruit--and still taste yummy. Otherwise, why eat it at all if it doesn't taste good? Quite awhile ago I started using organic cane sugars, rather than the highly processed stuff because it actually tastes better. I eat an apple a day or a couple prunes and I go through a lot of fresh fruit, vegetables, mushrooms, brown rice and beans. We still often have our weekly DQ meal just because we enjoy it. I like French fries yet.

I know that eventually, when my light body (or free-energy body) fully settles in that what, when, how, or if I eat will no longer be an issue. I had tried to allow myself to eat whatever and however in the past, but I recognize now that I was trying to do it through my human facet--a part of me that was inundated with suggestions about the "right" way and things to eat. I was constantly inwardly mentally battling with outer-world ideas of what was true--that mental stuff is just so damn dense. I'd just feel clear and set in allowing myself to consume whatever without a story, and, sure enough, someone would pop in who had certain diet restrictions they were playing with. And off I'd go on an internal mental fight loop.

When Adamus reminded us, "Release it all, everything--without having to pinpoint or specify what it is--to your soul...." it made it all so much easier....I just let the dam that is me open up and let it ALL flow out and go away....I quit thinking and dinking around with it.

Walking outside has always been my safe and sacred time with myself, and last fall I'd decided I was going to walk daily--or at least get outside even if it meant shoveling snow. My husband joins me when he can, but we can walk with or without talking, too, and I'm grateful for that. We've discussed how easy it is to walk nowadays. We no longer get winded, and it's such a sense of joy at having gotten out and interacted with nature. The energies and stories just release and flow with each step....

I also had no desire to go out among a lot of people--not even to eat out or dance. Definitely didn't care to travel. Nor to be around a lot of family gatherings. Plus, I found myself opting out of playing in family illnesses or dramas or traumas. Those stories still go on....and....I recognize and honor each person their chosen creations to experience. I no longer feel a sense of obligation or responsibility in playing it out with them just because I'd once been programmed to think I should. I know they are divine souls having a human experience....and that we are all okay, no matter what....

March 15th was the one-year anniversary of the suicide of my nephew, and I confess to feelings of anxiety leading up to it. This past year I've let my brother know that I fully support him and that I'm proud of him for choosing to take care of himself through probably one of the worst experiences of a parent. I know not to preach anything at him--he's going to navigate this dark night of the soul his own way, appropriately so. All I can do is ask him to keep himself open to something more than the way this type of story would have played out in the past--that's all I could do for myself. Stay open with hope.

Ultimately, I realized that this was an experience he personally chose to have--not from the human level, of course, but from the soul level, and my job was to not meddle. No sane human would choose this. From the broader perspective of the soul/our divinity, his higher self chose to have his human facet--the Experiencer--act out the story of losing a loved one to suicide, as did I. But it's up to each of us sovereign individuals as to how we go through it. 

I released it to my soul....and....knowing about the Apocalypse helped me, even though I don't really know what to expect. Except that I do know that none of my loved ones who have crossed over to the other side are truly dead....each one is an eternal soul who just left a temporary earthly human costume behind.

Tommy Hicks' Vision

Tommy Hicks Vision (July 25, 1961) has stayed with me, even though it was interpreted from a religious point of view, parts of which don't fit with my perspective, like a wrathful god or the only "son of god" named Lord Jesus. I see it having been interpreted the best humans knew within the confines of the consciousness of the times. 

The "End of Times" to me, refers to the end of an era of limited conscious awareness--not the end of humanity or the planet. What has truly felt fitting is that people of all walks of life became enlightened. The Christ Light was a potential within every single human--but just not embraced by everyone all at once. Some wanted to continue basically playing in the old power game illusion, which is exactly what is happening currently in my world. Suddenly the awakened people, embodied masters, had light bodies that could appear and disappear all over the world. And, yes, there would be chaos around the world, but not because there was a wrathful god at the helm--but because it was time for humans to wake up to who they truly were. A bit of shaking things up helps with that.

The gigantic human in the vision (representing all of humanity) has constantly been flowing through my thoughts since I heard of Heavens' Cross, or the Apocalypse. This giant finally stands up with its arms raised, pierces through the clouds and into the heavens (finally connects with its own divinity/soul and alternative realms), as all the parasites (sexual energy virus) and debris (wounds, scars, guilt, shame, suffering) that had been clinging to it and holding it down fell away. 

That's pretty much how it see it for myself. The little suckers and all the crappy baggage I took on have played their part and now they're done....or I'm done with making them an issue for myself to mess around with....

Realm Workers, Embodied Workers, and Other Side of the Veil Workers

Every bridge needs support and balance at each end and in the middle....

In the February, 2023 issue of the Shaumbra Magazine, Geoffrey Hoppe brought up and explained the concept of realm workers, and in the following Crimson Circle Shoud that same month, Adamus addressed it further. I got a bit of an ah-hah as I read through the description--the rather obscure, solitary, quiet life of those who spent most of their time dreamwalking in other realms while incarnate here on earth seemed to fit me. 

I've resonated with being a dreamwalker ever since my experience with the crossing over--"death"--of my dad. And, let's face it, very few readers find this blog that I've been writing since August of 2009. Ha! I don't know how many times I've been ready to just delete the whole works, yet I find myself back here putzing away, throwing things out into the world of the Internet, exposing myself and my many human foibles. I don't get things right all the time--imagine that.

It's my understanding that the realm workers basically worked in just the last several months to create a path through the opening in the Veil--Heavens' Cross--by making it as familiar as possible to humans who traversed it on the Apocalypse, and after, into their alternate realms, and to encourage them to return to their bodies on earth bearing the gifts they retrieved from those realms they had difficulty accessing and bringing things back from before. 

I also had a sense that my brother, Steve, who had crossed over in 2016 was one of those on the other side doing their part to balance the shift and assist with the pathway creation, as well. I've always felt that there is no hierarchy of roles in what we are all doing here--those who come last and in-between are as critical to maintaining the grace and balance and ease of the shift of the whole as those who go first. No part is greater than another--even those who are deep asleep in the hypnosis and enjoying playing in the power games yet are helping to hold a balance so we don't spring completely out of physicality.

Plus, there are those who stayed embodied here, some who were in the limelight more than others, but who, altogether, definitely helped me to maintain a more graceful life, helped me actually stay alive: My utmost thanks to Geoff and Linda Hoppe and the Crimson Circle staff and Shaumbra who put up with so much crap through the years from deep asleep humans' criticism and ridicule and rejection--and yet, you stayed true to your passion and delivered the messages of  Ascended Masters Adamus St-Germain, Tobias, and Kuthumi with a clarity that calmed me and inspired me in my own path, and maintained my hope in bringing about that something more I just KNEW was possible....We all did it!!!

There were other embodied workers whose messages encouraged me as well: Paul Solomon, Edgar Cayce, Kryon (channeled by Lee Carroll), Steve and Barbara Rother and the Group, Ronna Herman and Archangel Michael, Neale Donald Walsh, Gary Zukov, Caroline Meiss, Betty J. Eadie. That's just to name a few that spring to mind in the moment.

There is an epic masterpiece of a film documentary that was released for free to the world on March 22, 2023, on YouTube entitled, "Rude Awakening." I encourage you to watch it several times because, as in life, there are so many layers to our experiences, especially so when awakening to who you truly are. Here is the link to the free version: https://www.rudeawakening-film.com/  

There is also an extended version with more interviews that is well-worth the nominal fee.

I am that I am....Thou shalt have no idols before me....

Ultimately, though, I have my soul, my human facet, and my master-self (wisdom gained) to thank for everything. This has been quite the lifetime of experience getting to this point and I can't wait to experience how it all unfolds after the Apocalypse....Some days it feels like it's taking its own sweet time, and others, I'm good with it....and....I'll leave all that comes next for another post....

Related Post:

My Apocalypse: March 22. 2023

Winning in the Big Game of Life Doesn't Matter

Those trophies I once sought and savored sat on the shelf collecting dust until I finally realized how little they mattered to me and threw them out....with a huge sigh of relief....

Whether I won or lost a game never really mattered to me.

As I was out on my daily walk yesterday, dodging ice patches and stepping over snow drifts, I was taken back in a bit of a dreamwalk to my youth, and I remembered how I approached any game I played. I remembered playing monopoly one night where I went bankrupt and had a bit of a fit. But it wasn't because I lost the game. It was because I was eliminated from playing the game any further. I felt like I was missing out on the fun.

My brother, Steve, who was ten years older than me, used to say I often beat him playing checkers--and it wasn't because he let me. I don't really remember that. I just remember enjoying the game with whomever would play with me.

I grew up on a farm in southwestern North Dakota (USA) so we had long winters where we occupied ourselves playing card games like Pinochle, Whist, Canasta, Speed, Uno, various versions of Rummy, etc. I don't remember my wins, but I do remember a lot of laughing and simply having fun. I recognized patterns fairly easily, but not to the extent of caring enough to count cards. Often, I remember bidding way too high on my hand in a Pinochle game just for the heck of it to see how it played out. Of course, I lost most of those. 

There were enough siblings, along with their mates, in our family to play volleyball on warm, sunny days. Again, I don't recall a single score. What I remember is the joy that came with keeping the volleys going back and forth over the net. And the hilarity of my brother, Tim, ripping holes in his jeans as he'd nose-dive to the ground in an attempt to keep the ball in the air. Again, there was a whole lot of laughter.

When I was dating my first boyfriend we'd spend weekend evenings playing a homemade game called Marbles (similar to Aggravation). My sister-in-law partnered with me against Tim and Arlen, and the antics that ensued were rollicking good fun. Those two guys would kill one another off in a strategic attempt to best us girls. Sometimes it worked. And when it didn't, and we took out one of their marbles, they came up with the very picturesque adage of "being caught with their pants down." You probably had to be there. The funny thing is, we weren't drinking anything stronger than Pepsi--and those two guys were entertaining as all get out. They are some of my best memories from those days.

None of it matters, not really....

My true awakening realization occurred in the final days and moments I had with my dad as he used the story of death by lung cancer to exit this world. I realized that all the wins and losses in relationships, finances, education, health, government, politics, religion--well--none of it mattered at all. It was just a game where ultimately the score didn't matter. It was a conglomeration of stories of experiences. And, on some level, I enjoyed playing every single part of it....and....I was grateful for the opportunity to just play....

"Shut the Effenheimer Up!": An Effective Tool for Your Whiny Victim Aspects

I was printing this post out for a very dear friend of mine who encourages me in my writing, and I realized I wanted to clarify a few things and share a bit of background on the subject of me and cussing. 

I attended a one-room country school for first grade, and if I remember correctly, there were only five or six kids total, all of them older than me. The school closed, and I attended "town school" from 2nd grade on. It was on the playground of the public school that I first heard the word, "shit," and I tried it out in all its glory as our mom drove us home from school that day. 

Mom replied, "Pen, we don't say that word." And that was all it took for me to stop.

I didn't hear much cussing from my dad when he was around us. Maybe my brothers heard it when out working with him, but he didn't make it a standard practice from what I recall. My brother, Steve, said he learned how to swear from the custom combiners that helped harvest our crops. Ha! Some of my other brothers closer to me in age--now they could let the 4 Letters fly with gusto, especially when puberty hit! Ha!

My family wasn't prudish: I had a great uncle who was a dear fishing friend of my dad's, and the man told all kinds of naughty jokes. I've had a lot of laughter in my life--and that truly has probably been my most saving grace of all.

With all that said, swearing is something I've kept a fairly tight lid on most of my life, and it's a trait shared by many of us older Shaumbra. Ascended master, Adamus St-Germain has seemingly made it his mission to encourage us to get into that truly authentic being that we are, and to realize that sometimes an F-bomb is the best communication out there for specific moments and uses. And I've realized lightning hasn't struck me down for ever using one....

I don't cuss all the time because when swear words are in every utterance of a person's mouth I get desensitized to them. They lose their oomph. I quit listening....and....

There are times when I need that bit of shock and awe of a well-placed "F-bomb" to make my point clear--to take that stand within myself that leaves no room for negotiation or compromise. 

"Tell those victim aspects to shut the fuck up!"

In the 2023 February Shoud, Sovereign ascended master, Adamus Saint-Germain (crimsoncircle.com) made that recommendation to a fellow Shaumbra who was allowing an aspect that insisted she was an alcoholic to run her life.

We've all created aspects in this lifetime and in other lifetime expressions of our souls. Some of them were created out of traumatic circumstances: death by torture, actions that caused remorse, unresolved guilt and shame, intense anger....Some leave energetic imprints in the form of physical or emotional or mental wounds and scarring. I've recognized these as the Victim voice within that constantly reminds me that someone or something outside of me is causing me to endure something I don't like or want, but cannot change or manipulate or control (this is the Sexual Energy Virus).

I've been playing the role of wife in a marriage, and it's given me plenty of opportunities to play with being the victim of my husband's ideas and actions. I've had 33 years of practice, plus a few more when we were just dating. With awakening, I have struggled long and hard with trying to get past feeling like a victim--this blog is littered with those stories--but wrangling with them only makes them stronger and more steadfast in my reality. 

I have managed to go beyond many of them by allowing my perspective to shift and somehow choosing to finally just let them go and get on with living my life. I clearly remember doing that when after episode after episode of watching in powerless fear as my husband rode off on his motorcycle, I suddenly realized I'd been insisting on recreating the trauma, and its ensuing emotions, of losing my first boyfriend in a motorcycle accident all over again. I shook my head at myself, grinned, and let it go. It was such a relief! And here it was, just that simple, easy....

"Just let it go....and get on with living your life...."

Oh, those whiny frickin' voices within that like to keep insisting that I'm being wronged or taken for granted....I realized I still had a few....

Adamus' little tool really worked for me. I found myself telling those tantrum-throwing, incessantly whispering little shits to "Shut the Fuck Up!" And I did it a few good times whenever I found myself feeling like a powerless victim. I left no more room for them to get a word in edgewise. I stood firm within myself as I belted it out, and then went on as though they never existed....and so they were gone....I no longer suffer the fools. I tell them all to "Shut the Fuck up!"....I'm done playing that game.

As everyone reading this can see--I have quite the amusing conversations with myself.

Over-population: The Fear Driving the Power Players

There is an element in our society who is AFRAID (key word) of the over-population of our Earth.

Fear of not having enough resources to survive here, much less thrive, has been driving all the power plays we see going on and now being revealed.  

With the development of the smart phones and other technologies, that which was once hidden away is now being revealed instantly the moment events happen by any human anywhere in the world. No more secrets. No more naughty shenanigans without traumatic repercussions. Karma can be a bitch for the unawakened, power-and-control-grasping human--and it's not waiting anymore for another lifetime to kick-in.

The Power Game: An Illusion and a Delusion

My dad, in his bid to bring about a better world where people didn't go hungry and it wasn't ruled by those in power, inspired in me the courage to delve into such matters on my own in the mid-nineties. It was a terrifying hell in which I felt very small--of no significance whatsoever in my own world. However, I did manage to drum up enough attention to myself by refusing to pay an income tax that I didn't like being misused by "public officials" to kidnap our beloved children for their sexual deviances. I lost all interest in the political game--I could tell most of them were simply after fame and fortune and power and control. None of them seemed actually interested in finding a true resolution or in changing a dysfunctional system. It was all about the manipulation of others to their own benefit.

Even the Christian religion got watered down and compromised away from its pure beginnings by human elements interested in power and control of the masses. There are scared little humans even in the pulpits. There are popes and rulers driven by power throughout history who manipulated the writings of their sacred texts and the messages delivered to their followers. 

Not so very long ago, by being able to control the narrative delivered to the masses by ownership of the mainstream sources of news media, dens of deep asleep little humans, trying to maintain power and control over their outer "others," have been plotting the demise and control of the rest of their human brothers and sisters. They didn't want too many humans around to infringe on their luxurious way of life, but they wanted some good slaves, too. This has been going on for centuries....and....this Survival of the Fittest mind trap is on its way out. And it's not going quietly in this last hurrah breath.

It's a Big Pretend Game: Absolutely NO ONE can actually steal energy or eternal life from another person....

The key to ending the game is to CHOOSE to just quit playing the game of being anyone's victim. Live out your best, most enjoyably abundant life without giving those who choose POWER games the time of day. That way, whatever crap a person puts out will automatically return and knock them on their behinds quicker. A bully who can't entice someone to act like their victim sits all alone in their own stinky poop....

Individual bubbles of biology may bounce into one another, but they can't actually overlap or intrude.

Every person has his/her own "I am" conscious awareness center surrounded by his own personal field of energies to serve that specific consciousness. Everything we need to survive and thrive is right at hand within our own sphere of energies specifically in service to each of us alone. I picture us each as these clear bubbles bumping up against one another but they never actually overlap or insert themselves into each other. 

However, one bubble can make a SUGGESTION to another that the other can CHOOSE or not to make her truth. For example: 

"This is who you are, what you do, and how you do it." 

Or "This planet is limited in its resources and there isn't enough for all to live abundantly. There's not enough free, clean energy for everyone." 

Or "You lack, you poor, pitiful Little Human--so others need to be responsible and take care of you."

We've been individuals creating our own realities based on the suggestion of others OUTSIDE of us. Most of us, for eons of time, have been unaware that this is what we've been doing.

So when someone suggests that there are others outside of you who can control and have full power over your life--and you accept that as your truth--wha-la! you have manifested a persecutor in your created experience. You get to act out what it's like to be a victim.

Don't Fight! Shine your Light!

The more a person fights and messes around with a struggle or a battle within your own reality bubble, the more entangled you become. The creation gets more entrenched, more solidified. You can't fight your way out of it because your TRUTH that there is a force greater than you keeps you feeling like you're a victim--and that radiated consciousness will continue to create monsters ALL FOR YOU! 

You have to quit the story. No more! I am done! Eff off! CHOOSE to be done, take a few good deep releasing and clearing breaths, and act like it no longer exists in your life. Forgive and forget it. It was all simply just an act--a Let's Pretend Game, all done out of love to gain wisdom for your soul by having a human being experience. 

You, the human, are simply The Experiencer. You don't distill the details of the experience down into the wisdom gained--your soul does that. Once you choose and release the act and the story and all your feelings and thoughts to the soul, it gleans the wisdom from it, and in return you shine a little clearer, a little brighter. 

And that clear light emanating from your bubble shines out onto the surfaces of the bubbles around you, highlighting potentials in their own field of energies that they just couldn't perceive before because it was too dark or too mucky, or both. Their awareness of themselves and who they truly are was just limited for a time--for a purpose that has now expanded. 

You're like a lighthouse--quietly shining revealing potential paths home to the Eternal One that resides within every single human being. The god within.

"Thou shall have no idols before me."

Yeah, that's one of the commandments given to Moses in the Old Testament of the Christian Holy Bible. And lately, it's been blinking like a neon sign at me.

I grew up with the Christian religion all around me. I was never raised in or schooled in any particular perspective of it. I did feel an affinity with Yeshua and Christ Consciousness, but not with the Savior Jesus slant. Something deep inside me knew none of us needed saving. Some loving god sending his beloved children to an eternal flaming hell never felt right. 

In other people, I can now detect an I am having fun with this "Let's Pretend there is a devil or evil Satan to fight Game." But I no longer feel the need to clear that up or say anything contrary when I realize they are simply having a personally chosen experience and that they are okay no matter what happens.

However, I wasn't always this undoubtedly clear all my life. I used to talk to god and my eyes were focused on some god out there, everywhere else but within me.

Finally, I realized somewhere along the way that I was addressing the god within me--within my own I am self. I'd be talking to myself in a mirror or when out walking, gardening, relaxing with a cup of coffee, or even in the bathroom (because it's quiet in there and it's a great place to release stuff....Grinning!).

I realized the idols referred to in that commandment given to Moses were actually anyone or anything outside of oneself that I worshipped or placed in a position higher than myself. Basically, to idolize anyone or anything outside of myself is to hand my self-sovereignty--my freedom--over to someone else. Thou shalt have no gods other than my own soul, my "I am." 

And that is the truth I choose to highlight for everyone else: Don't place anyone or anything other than you greater or higher or of more authority over you than the "I am" soul, the only god for you alone, and it's within you....

It always has been there, we just forgot it for awhile--because the sensual experience of it being out there somewhere else makes us appreciate more profoundly having it all within, right at hand....

I know it's seductive playing in the conspiracy realms--been there, done all of that--but when you do, you keep perpetuating the fighting instead of releasing it from your own life....

and possibly experiencing something far grander....

You have joyous abundance--all at hand within your own bubble of reality. No one can take it from you if you release the suggestion that they can from your truth.

Allowing Others Their Experiences, Letting Go of Things and Their Stories

March 22, 2023 is fast approaching: Heavens' Cross (aka the Apocalypse: the great opening or revealing) is finally nearly here, and life as we know it is going to change completely....

We ALL will have access to our own Souls, Divinity, Wisdom, other realms while still incarnate here on Earth!

This resonates profoundly with why I am here. I don't want to miss out on this epic event in our planet's and humanity's history. Oh, the stories we will be able to tell....

The past few months since I learned of the actual date of the event (back in November) I've realized I've been cleaning and clearing house--on many different levels.

I've been watching my old identity really melt away. I've become aware that sentimental items that I'd just kept out of a sense of loyalty more than anything were keeping me imprisoned in the stories associated with them. I didn't realize how much so until I asked myself, one-by-one, if I should discard them and the answer was always a resounding "Yes!"

Ben, the worn and ragged teddy bear Dad gave me when I was twelve, got one last kiss and hug of gratitude as he found himself placed in the garbage along with a birdhouse knickknack Mom had given to me that a friend of hers had made. Along with those went a ceramic cat I'd had for decades that my sister-in-law (who had a cat phobia) had painted and gifted me. I didn't realize until the moment I let each one go that I'd been keeping us all in a limited cage of beingness--especially my sister-in-law. I'd been keeping her unhealthy....As for my parents--there was a story of lack of abundance woven into the story of love from whence the gifts were given....

I felt so much relief that I decided to tackle my cedar chest. I let go of the newspaper articles of my old boyfriend's accident and death, once again not realizing the low energy I'd been holding onto all these years. Into the bin went all the obituaries of all my loved ones, and with that came in the ah-ha's! of seeing how I had so many awesome memories of my loved ones far beyond that photo and bare-bones message on each missive. I'd been hanging onto the loss and grief with those dang things!

I've also been throwing away a lot of photos, many which are reminders of times when life was fraught with a great deal of lack in abundance in all forms. It's especially freeing to get rid of old photos of myself. I may have been thinner in them (and hotter, according to my husband), but I was also haunted....I seldom liked how I looked in photographs. Plus, after sorting through stuff when loved ones have crossed over, I've realized that no one else wants pictures of people they don't personally know. I may as well unburden myself now.

With all this releasing, I've discovered that my daily walks in nature--or shoveling snow, as it is winter here--are becoming physically easier, and so even more enjoyable. A few days ago, I slipped on the ice while walking with my husband and landed flat on my back, thunking my head on the pavement. I admit I've been kind of concerned lately about walking or shoveling on my own and having a fall like that happening. I showed myself that I'd be okay. I didn't get hurt--not even my head--and after giving myself a moment to recover, I got back up, laughed it off and continued enjoying our walk. I discovered I am quite resilient....

Trying to convince otherwise someone who's intent on being and acting unworthy is a waste of my time and my energy.

I also finally am experiencing myself letting go of worrying about anyone else in their chosen experiences which often turn out to be dramas and traumas that I've played in for years. I take full responsibility for putting myself in them--I chose to play the games that are all pretty much some version of the Sexual Energy Virus....and....now I'm discovering how easy it is to just step out of them and allow myself ease and grace while allowing everyone else to live their own lives and CHOSEN experiences. What a relief!

If you don't care about and appreciate yourself and choose to be well in all aspects of your life, then why the hell should I care about you?

Isn't it rather selfish to expect someone else to give a damn about you and your health--your joy in life--when you aren't taking responsibility for yourself?

If you're drinking too much alcohol, that's on you--I don't care. I just won't be around to watch you play out your poor-me, I'm-an-addict story....Blah, blah, fricken blah!

If you think taking legal or illegal drugs: anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, or any other mood-altering substance (even herbs) is helping you cope, guess again....you're flat-lining yourself. You're numbing and dumbing yourself down. Giving yourself a chemical lobotomy--is that your answer? 

Ultimately, we all know on some deeper level that you're running away from yourself, and if you don't look at the crap you're trying to avoid, and grow through it by allowing yourself to FEEL and realize who you truly are, you may as well call it all quits. Don't waste your breath whining about the storms and dark tunnels of the soul that ONLY YOU put yourself through....I don't care!!!! 

I don't give a crap anymore because I know ultimately that every single one of us is okay. That all these stories are Divine Creator beings pretending to be All-alone Little Humans. We've just been gaining COMPASSIONATE WISDOM about our own I Am selves and learning how our own fields of energy/communication serve these eternal points of conscious awareness that we each are....

The best way to rid yourself of old systems that no longer serve your best interests in well-being in all ways is to make them obsolete in your own life--take total responsibility for yourself, and take care of yourself, appreciate yourself.

Those crappy healthcare, insurance, economic, education, business, media, government--and technological--systems are being a service to you in that they are allowing you to experience what it's like to depend on your outer world to take responsibility for your life--their failures and betrayals will either cause you to go within and you'll wake up, or you'll die basically fighting with yourself. All those old systems are your own creation--your acceptance of a suggestion about how life works that you alone have made your truth.

When you quit playing and seeing yourself as the Victim in all your own creations--these OUTER world entities like organizations or other individuals--their energies become released, neutralized and integrated into your Body of Consciousness, and are now available to manifest in a new form and service more appropriate to your free and sovereign awareness of yourself.

Wake up!!! Stop looking outside of yourself for your answers. Stop limiting yourself by defining how and who you are as a single identity. You're so much more....I am so much more....

The apocalypse is on its way, and we'll all soon discover that even the few words I've written here don't matter either....

It's so liberating even though I really have no idea what to expect....I just feel so much lighter right now, and that's all I've got--my present--

An Imbalance Towards Masculine Doesn't Make the Male Species Bad Guys

The Sexual Energy Virus--currently an imbalance towards the Divine Masculine--does NOT make anyone of the male species the bad guy.

All it means is that one's own focus (female and male) has been on, and playing in, the outer world. You think you're just a Little Human trying to have just enough to survive and get through this life you don't see much reason for living. Most of your attention is on what's happening outside of you--not on the important creative part: what's happening within you.

How and What we observe is colored by our own perception 

Even god is placed somewhere "out there" by a lot of religious beliefs. Put that god right there within you--give yourself the chance to realize you're not alone and that you never have been alone....

The scientific method is based on what can be seen and measured and replicated outside--and the scientific studies often don't take into account the human bias of the scientist or its human subjects (if there are any), nor the bias of the individual reading and interpreting the study's results. Have you noticed you have to close those outward-seeing eyes of yours in order to feel and perceive what is happening within you? 

An imbalance to the Masculine often results in having difficulty loving yourself unconditionally. You keep looking to others to see you, respect you, tell you how great you are. All of which is just a looping mind trap of an ego trip. Others love of you is never enough if you don't love yourself first. It just becomes an energy-feeding frenzy which results in a lot of drama-trauma. Welcome to Soap Opera Ville.

To truly love means to accept every aspect of yourself....and....to do that you have to go broader in your viewpoints than the All-Alone Little Human part of you is capable of perceiving. You have to see yourself as a Divine Being learning about itself and how its own energy field serves it through having experiences while pretending to be just a limited human. Only the perspective of your own soul, your own divinity--that self-sovereign master within you--can help you see beyond those human experiences into the greater purpose of you.

You need your I Am that I Am perspective especially with the really crappy created adventures where you did some evil stuff resulting in feelings of guilt and shame about your behavior. Once you recognize all the compassionate WISDOM you've gained from all your created sojourns through all the ages all that icky stuff is released and integrated in as free energy to serve you in a new way.

This imbalance causes one to seek power and control over your external circumstances.

This is a Survival of the Fittest mentality.

Essentially, you're simply fighting with yourself because there is no one other than you inside your own field of energy radiated from your own I Am awareness. Those perceived "other than me" are actually blips of plasma you created based on your limited human perception.

The SE Virus causes Comparison to Others and Competitive Behavior

Because of the perception that the outer world is all there is and that there is only a limited amount of resources or energy to serve us, it's created a belief that in order for me to win, someone else must lose. If I am going gain more, then someone or something must have less.

We each have an energy field solely in service to our individual souls. Everything each of us needs--including the type of experience we want--is right at hand. You don't have to prove yourself worthy of it or earn it. It's inherent in every single one of us.

Be appreciative of this Earth realm and the experiences it helps us to have, and take care of it by allowing the planet the freedom to cleanse and balance itself. 

Don't waste your time pointing fingers at other humans--whatever comes from you returns to you. Pointing fingers always, always point at the pointer when all is said and done. Allow your own polluted consciousness to cleanse itself instead and you'll do more for this planet and all of creation than any cause or judgment.

Just say "No!" to jumping on the latest bandwagon in order to have friends.

Causes, the WOKE movement, Social Justice Warriors, Religious judgment--they are all outer distractions keeping you from discovering the wonder that YOU ARE....

As for celebrities and politicians and the news and much of the social media--how can you honestly believe they actually give a rat's patootie about their latest cause, much less you--especially when you watch them trying to tell you how to be and what to think, feel, make your truth? They are the star of their own show, which is how it should be for all of us. I don't like it when someone manipulates my perception of myself by trying to shame me for being a human alive on this planet--for simply existing....

Someone doing good things just because it makes them look great on the outside is on an ego-trip, and all those good deeds are made null and void in that person's own reality. All the good deed-doing is never enough for that person because they are looking outside themselves for being worthy of living. A person simply has to go within in order to discover you have all your own answers--they aren't meant for anyone else.

I used to read quite a bit, and the library has always been one of my favorite places to go. I enjoy romantic comedies, mysteries, and some fantasy fiction. In the last several years our library has acquired a wide selection of DVDs: movies and TV series. The awesome thing is I don't have to sit through mind-hypnotizing commercials for products I have no desire or need to acquire or learn about.

However, lately I've been reading only a few pages into a book, watching a few minutes of a movie, or an episode of a series, and finding the plots are full of dumb, unrelatable characters who often do nothing but have energy-feeding, dysfunctional relationships, find solace in booze and drug abuse, with meaningless sex sprinkled throughout--even when it really has nothing to do with the telling of a great story. Agenda-driven diversity pushes, WOKE manipulations, self-pity-promoting, finger-pointing Social Justice Warriors: they've all wrecked my enjoyment of watching a good and entertaining story. I'm not interested in your crap. Humans are capable of so much more than that shit....

Musicians whose music has inspired me to dance and sing along, and actors, script writers, directors and producers whose works have touched me through all these many years have caused me to quit listening because they used their celebrity to go all political. They tell me how to be and what I should feel passionate about....and....all their hard work at being a bright spot in the world for me disappears down the drain. I want nothing to do with them.

This Sexual Energy Virus has helped us realize that everything that matters--self worth, purpose, acceptance, energy--it all is found within thyself....not "out there."

And my beloved human female sisters--the men truly are not the bad guys....not in my stories....

Love vs. Fear and Its Effect on Relationships

Love and fear (not hate) are polar opposites.

Love is open and flowing. Fear is closed in, stuck and restrictive. Hate has fear as its core foundation.

Fear rolls itself up into a ball of offense and defense. It blames others--that world outside of itself. It armors itself with protective gear and weapons and places barriers all around itself. It lies to itself. All of that causes the personal creation of situations where the creator and perceiver of that reality attracts even more attacks on itself. You have to stop pointing fingers at others--and at yourself (meaning you have to be compassionate with, and all-accepting of yourself)--or that fighting stuff never ends for you.

Love lets go. It allows energies to freely flow without trying to manipulate or control them. It recognizes that all energies are in service to you alone so there is nothing to barricade out. The energies in service to all-accepting love manifest and then neutralize--or return to zero point--where they are then free to manifest again in a new manner that continually serves its creator, experiencer, perceiver.

This is all the difference there is between being expanded and consciously aware and awake versus being asleep in a greatly accepted hypnosis--a mere suggestion--about who and what you are. Are you a pinpoint of consciousness aware that it exists that's created a human costume in which to learn about itself, or are you an All-Alone Little Human just trying to survive on a speck of dust in the universe? Is there a purpose in you existing?

I see all of this as my own amazing virtual reality experience--outfitted solely/soul-y for me.

At its deepest, it's the fear of being absolutely alone in a void that drives beings to doing probably the worst acts in all of creation....

I liken it to trying to save a drowning victim who's so terrified that they lash out even at the one saving them--some to the point of even drowning their would-be savior.

I get manifested in my reality what I radiate out as being my truth in each present moment.

The Projector: I am the pinpoint of consciousness that radiates (shines) out onto a blank global screen of waveforms about 12.123 feet in radius all around and within me that then coalesces into matter according to my perception of myself, of creation, of existence. 

Every potential exists (both manifested and non-manifested) within that energy field that solely belongs to me. It's my way of communicating with myself. Everything is actually "right at hand"--all the heavens, all the realms, even places on the opposite side of Earth--physical and nonphysical are accessible by me. You see, I never actually move--my consciousness (my awareness) is eternal and still. Somewhat like an omni-theater screen, my energies move and flow in and out of manifestation according to my perception--what I accept as truth--of what I observe.

Most human marriages are karmic in origin....

That means two people are drawn back together (not necessarily as marriage partners in all lifetimes) time and time again in order to gain the wisdom to resolve whatever imbalance they got stuck in. Often the roles of victim and persecutor are switched back and forth until one of them wakes up and releases the story.

Many of my awakened peers either left marriages or never partnered with anyone in this lifetime of our realization and embodied mastery. You see, it's all about freedom and self-sovereignty. You can't bring anyone else along or even gift it to them--to do so would be to rob them of the ultimate joy of having their own realization their own way.

With that said, I am currently in a marriage that has lasted over 33 years. While I'm certain karma has had an influence on it, part of me also recognizes that we've lasted so long together because we'd made an agreement on the other side of the Veil to do it together for as long as it served us to do so.

So, what am I getting out of this marriage? How is it serving me?

I've discovered what a web of entanglement and self-delusion it can be to be in a relationship in the sense that it's so easy and convenient to blame any situation I put myself in as my spouse's faulty way of being. I can dump all responsibility for not loving myself or taking proper care of myself, not being kind and compassionate to myself, not allowing myself joyful abundance in any way, shape or form on him--because he just doesn't understand me and know, or even care, what I need. It's always all about him. He doesn't let me do stuff...blah, blah, blah...Oh the pity! Turns out that that can be a major, major seductive stumbling block of a distraction away from my realization.

I'm grinning because, yeah, I've thought, said and done all of that above stuff repeatedly....and I'm going with the idea that I did it so I could write about it in this particular blog post. Ha! Ha!

And....as long as I keep shoving responsibility for how I perceive and experience my life upon anyone but me--well, I'll never be free and sovereign ruler of my own life.

If it's in my life, I put it there--even if I'm miserable from it, I'm getting something out of it, or it would no longer be in my reality.

These are not finger-pointing blaming words either. I have found that realizing I'm the creator of everything I perceive means only I can un-create it. I just have to realize how to do that--and I can't do that from the Little All-Alone Human's very limited and narrow perspective. I need my soul--that divine facet of me that has the broadest, greatest viewpoint of all that I am.

I remember a time back in my tangent into world and government conspiracies when I was so terrified for the well-being of myself, my loved ones, humanity and Earth that I wanted my perceived enemies to just drop dead. It seemed the only solution--but I was crazed with fear. I kept hearing Yeshua's (Jesus's) admonition to "Love your enemies." 

And I knew that I had to know how to do that with sincerity, not with syrupy B.S. that everyone knows isn't truly felt. I had to shift my perspective around to see what gift even my perceived persecutors were bringing me in being exactly as they were....What were they helping me discover and experience about myself?

Ultimately, no one has done or does anything to me that I haven't allowed--or consented to acting out with whatever role-playing scene is currently onstage in our lives. It's ALL been for me....and that recognition has helped me to allow myself to be human and divine, to be perfectly imperfect, to go beyond this human identity I've built up over the years....

And....to being in a state of utmost gratitude for all parts played--just for me!