Self-Honesty & Conscious Awareness: Breaking the Bonds of B.S.(Belief Systems) and Dis-ease

The chemicals, those drugs used for managing mental imbalances--they aren't truly curing or healing anything. Have you noticed?

I can hear and feel people who are taking drugs for depression and anxiety. Their speech is slurred and their energy level is blah. I can feel their numbness, their detachment from living, their tiredness. They are not present in their bodies. They are playing the role of a "Victim of Life," and they are an energy suck if you allow them to do it.

I can feel those who are in a manic state. They're running from themselves--and it's clear as day.

Factor in the side effects of those medications, along with the fact that they are only reinforcing the hypnotic suggestion that "something is inherently wrong with me"--it's no wonder people never get better. 

You see, I can feel and recognize those symptoms because I've felt them all myself--every human has. I had days where I was so exhausted I couldn't do anything but sleep. And I've had nights and days where I couldn't shut my mental ramblings off enough to sleep or sit still--and walking, getting out and away from my day-to-day routine was the only thing that leveled me out. I had mornings where I woke up disappointed that I was still alive in a body. I did things that I regretted and felt ashamed of, and I wished I could have that all-elusive do-over.

Yet, even though I've experienced all those symptoms, I never got diagnosed or labelled with a mental illness, and I moved through my TEMPORARY Dark Nights of the Soul all on my own. I'm healthy and I'm balanced, and when I feel under-the-weather I reassure myself that I'm okay, that I'll move through whatever bothers me. I'm not stuck in any reality experience permanently. 

Several years ago, friends who were ascended self masters pointed out to those of us who were exploring consciousness (back when people didn't even know the meaning of the word) that we had a tendency to leave our bodies--we weren't present in our lives, in the moment. It was hard to be here playing the old hypnotic games when none of it mattered to you anymore. Not when something deep inside you questioned whether there was more to life than all those same old dramas and traumas that never seemed to have resolutions. And retiring to sunny Arizona to play golf the rest of my life after working for a living at something that was just a job and a paycheck simply felt like nothing I wanted for myself.

They suggested changing our routines and getting out for walks in nature. They reminded us to take the good deep conscious breaths--inhaling deep into our lower rib cage and then blowing it out. They recommended using water to help flow the consciousness energies by drinking it, taking baths and showers and swimming in it or simply by being near an ocean, stream, fountain or lake, They suggested creating things that didn't have to be masterpieces made to impress someone--things like painting and doodling or drawing, writing poetry and music, singing and playing music, allowing yourself to honestly and freely express yourself. Which is why I started this blog. 

And when depression hit (which you do experience with enlightenment or awakening awareness), we were to simply allow ourselves to honestly feel it, observe ourselves, and experience it through--with the knowledge that it too would pass if we quit trying to monitor and squelch legit feelings. Monitoring and trying to control your thoughts and feelings will distort and complicate things even more--you'll suffer longer.

I remember my mom talking about being afraid of getting Alzheimer's. She didn't want to put us--her family members--through that pain and suffering. This is the woman, after all, who would remind me, "Never judge another until you've walked a mile in his moccasins." She was a living example of a person being willing to imagine what it was like to be in another person's proverbial shoes, or situation.

So, when people did dark, abusive acts, instead of just shaking my head, saying they deserved to be gutted and strung up to die--I found myself curious as to what could possibly motivate them to such depravity. As I've talked about before--killing someone didn't seem like a real solution. I wanted to get to the core of why humans do such things so we could change our world. So we could make such things obsolete in our world.

And when I had friends diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar illness and Alzheimer's, I wondered what it felt like and why it came on? What triggered it? What happened that led up to the event of them getting that diagnosis, and how did it feel to act and live that out every day? I grieved with them getting that label and having to take those prescribed chemicals that numbed them to life and had such horrid side effects. I didn't like being asked to monitor whether my friend was acting "normal" or not. How the hell should I know?

There were a couple of women around Mom's age in our community who suffered from Alzheimer's, and I remember Mom talking of how they were such nice and gentle and mild women for as long as she'd known them--and then Alzheimer's hit, and they no longer even resembled themselves. These once mild-mannered ladies could be difficult, with bouts of anger and accusations or paranoia. They eventually tuned out completely and didn't recognize their own loved ones.

Okay, now let's feel into the old mass consciousness beliefs about what it's like to be feminine. I played the role of a woman in this life expression so this is really easy for me. We're supposed to be self-sacrificing nurturers who make everyone's owies feel better. You can dump your emotional troubles on your mom or your wife or your sister, and she'll shoulder most any burden--she'll hold those energies for you. I had difficulty with allowing myself to feel, much less express anger. I had to practice allowing myself to feel anger without feeling guilty about it. Women were supposed to be gentle, mild, good listeners. And we're supposed stay attractive for our mates. The problem is that HOLDING ENERGY (instead of flowing the energies through) often means putting on actual physical weight and it ages you physically. 

In short--to be a woman means to many of us, that we're always there for you no matter what. And we'll love you EVEN IF YOU TAKE us and our love for you FOR GRANTED. And we're not supposed to allow ourselves to be angry about it.

Now let's feel into what it means to be a man in the old traditional belief systems. Sensitivity is not a trait of the Divine Feminine only. Some of the most sensitive men and boys I've ever known hide behind masks of intellectual arrogance or tough-guy bravado. You're supposed to be macho tough, slow to tears (because that was viewed as a tolerated weakness reserved for women), you make the big decisions, you fix things. You're the leader. You're the provider. You're in control and everyone relies on you. You don't make emotional decisions--you're supposed to be logical and reasonable. Again--you fix things, dammit!!! 

And, guess what--all those wonderful masculine qualities get TAKEN FOR GRANTED by your loved ones, too, don't they? And you're just supposed to suck it up and be a man, because that's just how it is....

So, if you're trying to suppress and stuff down all those "I'm unappreciated and being taken for granted" feelings of an entire lifetime, at some point all that pressure is going to burst. And it's probably not going to look pretty. Out splashes all that "inappropriateness" that you believed was a wrong way to be. Can you see the freedom and the release gained by getting a label of some mental diagnosis that basically says I don't have to be held responsible for acting angry and naughty and all those things I felt I couldn't allow myself to be when I was supposedly in my right mind?

The roles of men and women are starting to blend--women are embracing more of the Divine Masculine traits, and men are allowing themselves to express more of their Divine Feminine as human consciousness awakens and grows more aware that the qualities of both reside in us all, regardless of our gender. It's when we embrace both within ourselves that we lead a more balanced and genuine life. When we realize it's okay to feel and be angry, and it's okay to cry, and to let go of trying to control everything--that all of those things release and flow the energies--and set us free.

There are also cases of Dementia and mental imbalances where humans don't want to stay embodied because life has gotten too painful to manage--there doesn't seem to be a win-win solution. 

Maybe they did something they feel foolish and ashamed of having done--they've judged themselves as being "wrong," and they're trying to distance themselves by running away from looking at it honestly and without giving themselves the benefit of self-forgiveness and compassion. They try desperately to avoid looking at it for fear that they might not survive the pain of responsibility. They'll even risk the stigma of getting diagnosed as being mentally ill and endure being medicated and hospitalized for the rest of their lives. There has to be a benefit for them in there somewhere for them to keep choosing that experience.

Maybe the person has suffered a loss of a loved one. Maybe a child died before the parents, for instance, and even though that happens all the time, it's still feelingly believed that that kind of thing just shouldn't happen. I didn't know how to go on after losing my first boyfriend--my future felt empty and I felt disloyal by moving forward into living a happy life without him physically in it. There was a great deal of hopelessness piled on with guilt, self-doubt, very little self worth--I didn't even like myself. There was many a morning I regretted waking up to another day to get through.

While we feel alone in our unique loss, we're not the only ones to experience such pain, regret, guilt, embarrassment or whatever. 

I put self-honesty into all of my troubled experiences, and I tempered it with self-compassion and self-forgiveness in place of blame or trying to justify my being an arse. We've all done atrocious things at some point in our human history, some that we really can't even justify...

AND...

we can REALIZE that the one who did such terrible deeds was simply deep asleep in the old human consciousness of survival of the fittest--one where we tried to gain power and control over a world we were simply scared shitless in. We all know deep down inside that there is so much more going on than the events we see and act out on the surface. I sought out and felt into REAL solutions that resonated with me and I balanced naturally when I quit trying to analyze and fix and monitor myself.

My point in writing this is that those of you dealing with mental imbalances in your life, whether it's your own experience or that of a loved one, don't be afraid to be curious. Don't be afraid of questioning everything you thought or feelingly believed or were taught about these diagnoses. Open up discussions with your friends and loved ones about these uncomfortable feeling things.

Feel into the shoes of all the characters in a situation...and one day you'll realize as I did, that none of us has ever done anything right or wrong. We were all just playing--acting out--games of "Let's Pretend" together. No one got irreparably hurt or blasted out of existence. It just seemed that way. Our souls are eternal...and I'm glad you all are here with me. Thank you for everything.

To just accept the status quo as your own truth--it's at the cost of enjoyment of the gift of your own life and the lives of your loved ones.