Being Self-Aware WITHOUT Judgment, vs. Battling Victimhood

FEELINGS that are ALLOWED--without judgment as to whether they're right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative--will flow through your consciousness WITHOUT MANIFESTING in your life experience.

After all, we're just ACTING.

Close your mouth and eyes, take a deep-down-into-your-lower rib cage breath (inhale through your nose, exhale out your mouth or nose)--and ALLOW yourself to feel into you...

Note and acknowledge how you FEEL. Acknowledge the THOUGHTS (both Negative and Positive) that keep popping forth. This is a Conscious Breath.

Then breathe again, and feel into yourself again--drop the guards and open up, allow it ALL to simply BE, and allow it to flow through you. This is Unconditional Love and Hands-off Compassion.

Take the few seconds to open, breathe and feel into you. This "allowing, without judgment" will set you free from monitoring yourself. This is Grace in action.

If you remember anything from this posting--I hope it's that first part. The following is just explanation based on my own experiences with the victim archetype energies. Every human has the victim energies in his/her consciousness.

I've spent decades learning how to come to terms with the Victim aspect in me. I've tried to battle it, suppress it, avoid it, ignore it, handle or control it, analyze it to death, fix it...

...and none of that worked.

If you're familiar with any of my blogs, you have probably gleaned that I've struggled most with the Victim energies. I didn't much like dealing with victimhood in others, much less dealing with the victimhood in myself. I've experienced them as being very sucky, draining, energy-feeding experiences.

Because of that DISLIKE--because I JUDGED them as being "wrong"--I kept experiencing feeling like a victim in all of my relationships, near and far (though I tried my damnedest not to feel that way). I kept being surrounded by "poor, pitiful" victim-y people and pets--all kinds of drama. It irritated me to no end.

Those victims outside of me were just mirrored reflections of what I would not accept about myself (that I was actually FEELING like the Victim of all those "Other Victim's" over-reacted dramas). And because of that FOCUSING of my attention--it stopped the energy FLOW, and instead, HELD it in my reality.

Every Christmas of my adulthood has brought out the victim in me--even this year (much to my consternation and frustration). Every year, I tried to get a handle on it ahead of time, and every year, I felt compromised--like a victim--no matter how positive and open I TRIED TO BE. The Judging Monster was still there shaking her head, blaming others, FEELING all victim-y like a drama queen. Because, you see, I judged that as "no way to BE." I judged that as "no way to FEEL." And I was trying to get, and keep, her under control--but, of course, that never worked, not really.

It's just in the last couple of days that I've realized that the reason I still experience playing "that annoying victim" ROLE is because I've been bracing myself for it. I HAVE PROTECTIVE GUARDS UP. I especially become aware of them when I close my eyes to feel into myself. And those guards stop the NATURAL FLOW of the energies, because I've focused my attention, my consciousness, on Victimhood.

When I have emotionally protective armor on with the walls up, I'm radiating out to the Universe that I have something to fight, to guard against--and SO IT IS...the Universal energies, LOVINGLY and IN SERVICE TO ME, align themselves to match my radiation. And wha-la!--I'm wrangling with Victimhood! I'm inundated with relationships with victimizers--and I'm their poor little victim.

If I want to really release myself, I have to drop all the old stories where I felt wounded, along with the armor. I have to let go of keeping score. None of that really matters NOW, UNLESS I make it matter NOW!

I have to just QUIT THINKING ABOUT THE PAST. Hanging onto the old perceived hurts and "injustices" keeps me re-cycling victimhood in my experience.

There's really nothing to think about, figure out, analyze--especially not to judge. It's actually best not to think about it, or dwell on it.

It's just merely BECOMING AWARE that I'm FEELING like a VICTIM--honestly ACKNOWLEDGING that, without JUDGING it, without struggling to control or handle it. 

Just observe myself ACTING--And LAUGH.

View it from the broadest perspective, where I am seeing it from a vantage point of being above the entire Gameboard of actors.

Then taking another breath to drop the guards and open myself to freely flow...and harmonize...while walking through the Game.

Victimhood that is ALLOWED to be felt, without judgment, simply flows through on the gracious breath, without being manifested in my present reality.

After all, we're all just a bunch of CHARACTERS ACTING out parts together. We're just divine, spiritual beings pretending to be limited humans--WHAT A GIFT THAT IS for all of us!

I've KNOWN this stuff for a long time. I've even practiced it. But every now and then, I need a reminder, too. We'll see how this Christmas holiday unfolds...