Guilt--the Elephant in Your Room

Yes, caterpillars seem to wreck things with that insatiable appetite of theirs, but when they're done with that life, they turn into mush and become these amazingly beautiful butterflies. Part of that process seems to involve self-forgiveness for simply having experienced life as a caterpillar...

I was all set to delete this entire blog last fall (2012), and then I had the internal nudging to blog about a childhood experience I'd healed via my inner knowingness.

Several years ago, I was guided to self-compassionately revisit that wounded child's guilty past, and to simply write about it from my adult's more experienced, and much wiser, perspective of it. Then, this past fall, I was urged to make it available to the world--to really bare myself--by sharing links to it through Facebook and Google. Suddenly I had a readership a bit larger than my first four beloved followers. (Click here to see Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction).

Up until that posting, my blog was probably about as obscure and blah as you can get. I was basically writing it all down for me, anyway. I knew nothing about website creation, much less, design. Google provided a basic template that I used for the first three years. Blogger improved. They made it easier for me to write (and edit), and to personalize it with more attractive backgrounds and pictures. Last month I figured out how to use Blogger's features to make my site more easy to navigate, and to publicly share.

Google also has a blogger dashboard where you can see statistics showing the countries of your blog visitors, and how many times, and when, a specific post is visited. A visit doesn't necessarily mean the posts are being read.

As a general rule, I don't care much about statistics, but it is fun to see how easily we can connect with the world via these computers. When someone comments, or I see someone (I can't identify you--your privacy is safe) seems to be browsing around the different posts, it's a boost for me--I catch myself grinning.

The most-read posts are: My Awakening, Overcoming the Victimhood Addiction, An Ah-Ha! about Guilt. Two out of these three posts deal with the issue of guilt. I have two other posts with "guilt" in the titles, and they've been hit on quite often, as well. And a large portion of the rest of my blogs have guilt as a basic ingredient mixed in the stories.

GUILT is probably one of the most commonly shared "I feel so damned stuck" frustrations of all of us humans. Some part in every one of us seems to feel ashamed of being human.

Even victims feel guilt. It's been bigger than the topic of death. But most of us shy away from that death thing, due to our feelings of guilt surrounding it.

Here is one of the biggest guilt trips many of us humans have been on--those of us who've practiced the Christian faith, anyway:

Get Jesus off that cross! Let go of carrying that bag of "I am a sinner" guilt.  You did NOT nail him on, and hoist him up to die, miserably and painfully, on a cross, using a common-at-the-time, barbaric old Roman practice of crucifixion--anymore than I did!

You know what? That is what was going through my heart and mind on the long drive home to be with my dad as he slipped away from my perception in that belief called death. Jesus didn't have to suffer a miserable death. It wasn't necessary at all!

That actually felt really good to finally say out loud. I have felt this way for years. I NEVER could consciously call Jesus/Yeshua my lord and savior--I always stumbled over that. When I conversed with "God," I talked directly to my Father/Mother--I didn't go through Jesus as my translator or my priestly pure go-between. 

I used to think of myself as a Christian--but it doesn't fit me, and I've let the limiting definition go. For years, I wondered what was wrong with me for seemingly thinking so differently from all the Christians around me. I've held this in for so long because I didn't want to offend anyone--I chose to unconditionally honor each person in his own faith, and I still do.

But with the statement up above, I realized honoring also means to lovingly allow myself to state my own honest truth out loud, too.

No one else is required to agree with me--that's free choice. That is sovereignty, pure-hearted love, and compassion.

In an earlier post, One Nation under a "Christian God," or Separation of Church and State, I wrote about ancient pagan traditions, customs and beliefs getting intermixed with newer religions like Christianity. I believe that happened with the newer Christian perception of Jesus being God's son who was sacrificed for our sins. It was a crossover from the old Judaism belief in blood sacrifice. I don't believe Jesus intended to save the world, or even those who believed in him as a savior.

I was always intrigued by the life of Jesus, whose story is alluded to in the Holy Bible translations. The New Testament is supposed to be about him, but it didn't tell me enough about the person, what his life was like as a child, and what happened as he grew up.

This amazing person was made into an idol, an untouchable god--an example of living a life HERE that we had no hope of achieving ourselves. From the very beginning, religion made him different from all the rest of us by his supposedly having been given birth to by the virgin, Mary.

This god-man was way different than the rest of us human slobs and sinners. He supposedly led a perfect human life, had the perfect answer for every question, and performed miracles. He was sacrificed by a god he called Father in order to save all who believed in him forever from their sin of being human, and then he came back to life.

Has anybody else noticed that Christianity, as taught and practiced today--at least in its faiths in my area--doesn't even look at the possibility of living a life on earth, in human form, after our own death?

WHY??? 

Jesus got slapped up on a cross in a gruesome and barbaric manner and has stayed there in the minds of most of humanity's Christians for over 2000 years!

Instead of exploring his message from our hearts, his teachings (those beautiful parables like The Prodigal Son), his example of having a personal relationship with "God/Father"--he's been turned into an untouchable, outside god, that people are supposed to worship, without question.

And somehow be rewarded with an ever-lasting peace in a heaven after earth...while trying SO DAMN HARD (and failing) to be the perfect human NOW...

I never could get the perfect way to be figured out. I've blundered about quite a bit.

I've read other books about Jesus's life (The Urantia Book, The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ--to name a couple). Some writings said he didn't like the sacrificing of animals as practiced by his family and peers of the Judaism faith. He supposedly traveled and talked with people of various faiths and backgrounds. He experienced the too-soon "accidental" death of his human dad, Joshua. His siblings had trouble understanding him because he had such different ideas.

Adamus Saint-Germain says Yeshua fathered children with Mary Magdalene after he died on the cross. He actually lived a human life after his death! That sounds like an ascended self-master to me.

Adamus also said that Yeshua had a temper, that he wasn't a passive-aggressive, holier-than-thou person, who always turned the other cheek to be slapped again--sometimes he fought back, with fists. How dare he come down off that pedestal that we've had him on!

To consider that Yeshua struggled, too, in this very dense human experience comforts, encourages and uplifts me. And helps a great deal with that thing called guilt...

You don't have to agree with me. I created this website to be a SAFE and SACRED PLACE, first for myself, and then for anyone who visits...