What Story Am I Radiating?

I see myself as the projector of my reality experienced (I'm making an analogy here to the old movies, not the digitized ones in cinemas today). I'm the light source that shines through the film within me, and projects onto the BIG SCREEN--the world all around me. That screen reflects back to me (makes me aware of) everything I'm playing with inside of me.

I had layer upon layer upon layer of belief systems--films--that I had accepted as my truths that were emotionally triggering me (unawares) to experience old struggles over and over again--the only difference being maybe the faces of the actors and a new day. I tried controlling the actors--but trying to adjust the outside reflection doesn't change the source. I tried to resolve things by attempting to handle the emotions--trying not to feel or react in a certain way. But, again, that was putting the cart before the horse--trying to handle my reactions to the reflection, instead of being aware of what I was projecting.

I tried commiserating with a friend--but that only made the story and struggle more solid, bigger and stickier.

I've realized my resolution was to simply ask MYSELF--in a QUIET space of just ME:

"What story am I radiating into my world?"

.....and then I let it all go and continue about my day...no trying to mentally figure it out...because I KNOW I (ALONE) HAVE MY ANSWER...and it comes gracefully and with ease. It's just been a matter of asking the SIMPLEST QUESTION of me.

At this time, I no longer watch TV or the news--too much agenda and advertising that felt like a bombardment of energy that was haphazardly triggering my emotions and sucking my energies, though we do rent movies and sitcoms that I enjoy. I also read a lot of fiction. Every book and most movies that I just happen to pick up will have a sentence, an agenda, or a story line that matches that question. I'll know it by the emotions I feel triggered while reading or watching it.

Scattered throughout my home are pens, post-it notepads and tablets of paper, and this PC. When I find myself with a bit of insight floating through my mind or churning over an incident/story--I write the gist of it down to help me ground it in order to see it more clearly.

The story is ALWAYS right in front of me and once I recognize it, I can then re-visit it, CLOSE MY EYES and FEEL INTO IT--become aware--then of HOW I AM REACTING to it EMOTIONALLY, which is the impetus bringing it into my reality. Our thoughts don't all materialize--it's the ones that trigger an emotion that puts enough focus (charge) on them to manifest them in one's reality.

NOTE: Sometimes I realize I've been trying to avoid thinking thoughts or a story--that AVOIDANCE ENERGY is an EMOTIONAL radiance which still places a focus (a manifestation charge) on the story or thought.

All that's left to do, once I'm aware of MY FEELINGS with the story, is to TAKE a CONSCIOUS BREATH, STAND UP STRAIGHT AND FIRM INSIDE MYSELF, and simply realize it's ALL just an EXPERIENCE...

Simply feel it through--no judgment about it, no compromise, no negotiation, nothing to mentally figure out or fix...END of STORY!

...Ultimately, I SIMPLY REALIZE that I still exist, that I'm okay--no matter what the experience--and that All is Well in All of Creation.

I AM THAT I AM--SOVEREIGN of MY WORLD, MY BEINGNESS...