Good-bye, OLD WORLD, With Love & Gratitude

I think of this blog as a work of fiction. I think of my life as Penny as a work of fiction. The events of my past, and the feelings and perceptions I have regarding them--it's been my intention from the very beginning to be as honest and authentic as I can, because that's liberating for me.

It was a tug-o-war for awhile with my Little Human Mind Ego--she was afraid that if I was too honest, if I didn't try to portray her as more heroic, more perfect-acting and -reacting in every situation--that I might be throwing myself to the wolves.

Well, she finally feels at peace with what I have going here. Even to the point that we invite whomever stumbles upon this obscure little blog of ours to come laugh with me at my stuff. Everything is okay. It all worked out just fine--great even. I feel like I'm in a brand new world--like that whole Mayan calendar old-world-ending thing did happen. Whatever it was, things are lighter and easier and more graceful--less of a soap opera. Ha! I feel it right here inside of me (pointing to my gut and heart area)--ease of breath and being. And all that mind chatter in my head has gotten quiet at last. My eyes and lips are smiling, in tandem.

When it comes to my spirituality, I'm a very practical person--if an idea isn't simple and applicable to my daily life, I'll toss it. Tradition, ritual, dogma, processing, procedure, "this is the only way to do it," conspiracy, avoidance, denial, blame, preaching at, etc.--(power-stealing)--I've had my fill of all of them, and I CHOOSE to no longer play those games.

Simply put--I see ALL of life on this Earth, in ALL of Creation as a GIFT for me...and from here on out, I'm playing it out that way. With GRATITUDE and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and BENEVOLENCE.

I only began writing this blog because I never seemed able to get a book written--I attempted several over the years. Back in the spring of 2009, Tobias (www.crimsoncircle.com) urged each of us to come out of hiding--to start doing something creative to express one's authentic self to the world, and not to worry about getting ridiculed (the reason being, we should have been used to it by then--and it didn't really matter). When Adamus Saint-Germain took Tobias's place on the floor, he stated that in order to go forward we had to be present and participate--no more just dreaming our fluffy dreams that didn't seem to materialize, no more conspiracy fights, no more victimhood dramas. We were here to start living our dreams. If we weren't willing to step up and, instead, wanted to stay sleeping in our LayZ-Boy loungers, then he invited us to find a more appropriate spiritual group.

Fifty-seven blogs and 3 1/2 years later, I'm SO glad I did it! It still doesn't matter if no one else reads it, although it is my whole-hearted delight and honor when someone does. What I got out of the exercise is an understanding of how I awakened to who I really am. I used to read through my posts, old and new, and think, "Geez, Pen, you seem to be saying the same stuff over and over again." Yet it seemed fresh and different when I was telling each story.

But looking back now, I see the old and new consciousness energies that I was working with. Most of the posts seemed to be about saying good-bye to my dad. There was only one post with Mom in the title. Yet both parents were of huge influence in my awakening--I had the experiences I did with Dad BECAUSE OF the close relationship I enjoyed with Mom.

I was literally saying good-bye to my extremely dense, stuck, old world consciousness game that was out of balance toward the masculine and mental. This was metaphorically represented by my relationships with Dad, Kelly, Arlen and Max; and with the old established belief systems like family, religion, government, business. As you can see, the masculine has virtues we don't want to be without. I wasn't trying to conquer it--I was just trying to step off, and stay off, that old roller coaster ride.

I realize now that I was actually doing--while still alive and physically incarnated--what I believe happens in DEATH:

I was releasing myself from the old stories by revisiting them and seeing the valuable wisdom my soul gained from all of it, and, in the end, I found myself BLESSING IT with unconditional love and gratitude as it departed my reality.

Stating the same ideas over and over again throughout the blog by telling different stories, was essentially my way of keeping focused on my choices, to help me disengage from the seduction of my old identity and the traumas/dramas of the world around me. I would have these amazing, profoundly magical insights one moment, and in the next breath find myself back playing in the old dramas by automatic defaulting habit. It felt like a bombardment of energies--it was very exhausting and challenging at times to keep myself above the swirling and crashing water waves of mass consciousness. And the frustrating thing was, that the more I struggled and battled against the old ideas, the more entangled in them I got.

Adamus constantly reminded us (when finding oneself anxious and struggling) to JUST BREATHE some conscious, self-aware breaths, TRUST YOURSELF, and remember THAT ALL IS WELL IN ALL OF CREATION.

I did this because it resonated with me, and it worked...I breathed, and I breathed, and I breathed and I breathed....

Mom and I, my sisterhood friends--human, and pets like Molly--represented the divine, compassionate, intuitive, yet strong feminine who were, in essence, the women BEHIND the men in the old story. The female characters represented the once suppressed FEMININE coming out of the background to compassionately balance our reality illusion as a FULL PARTNER with the MASCULINE in all of human consciousness--regardless of gender.

This was all done in order to bring forth a NEW CONSCIOUSNESS REALITY GAME BOARD--a reality in which I am now aware that I am the co-creator of it, with just a hint of an idea of how to go about manifesting what I desire. 

In the old game, I was an UNCONSCIOUS co-creator of my reality: a separate-, all-alone-, insignificant-feeling Little Human battling the world around me, in an effort to simply survive.

I have a story in the works about an aspect--a past-life expression--of my soul, The Dark Lady, and me. It was originally the title of this post, but now feels like it may be the start of a brand new blog for this brand new world...we'll see...

With love,
The BENEVOLENT REBEL