Ascension: Realizing The Past Was A Bunch Of B.S.--Belief Systems--That Didn't Really Matter

There is a reason why I keep returning to the last hours and days I had with my dad--that's one of the defining moments where I ascended in consciousness. I woke up out of the box of belief systems I'd been defaulting to as my own truths, which they weren't. They were just a collection of emotionally felt beliefs that the mass consciousness of humanity around me suggested was the way life works and how we should be in it.

Crimson Circle's Tobias, Adamus Saint-Germain, Kuthumi and others have been reminding me and other Shaumbra (awakened wanderers, lightworkers, spiritual family members) from the very beginning, that if we had found ourselves drawn to their writings and gatherings and speeches--well, we had already ascended in consciousness. What we've been doing since, is seeing ourselves EXPERIENCE, bodily and mentally, that ascension--bringing Home/Heaven here to earth, beginning within ourselves. We were told over and over again that we could choose it to be an easy and graceful experience, or it could be difficult and traumatic and dramatic--but to remember that we had FREE CHOICE in the matter, with no judgment about there being a right or wrong way to experience it. And that we had already arrived so there was no need to fret or worry--just simply enjoy the only-of-its-kind experience.

Today it hit me that maybe I should share what that quantum leap into an expanded consciousness--that awakening into awareness of my real self--was like.

There was no choir of winged angels, nor were there streets paved in gold. It was just Dad leaving me. I'd tried everything I knew possible to make him comfortable as his organs shut down, and as the hallucinations I'd read about in the hospice brochure, hit. I had the heater on full blast with the windows wide open--and there still wasn't enough air for him. Out of sheer desperation, after refusing his request to take him outside (it was in the forties in the middle of the night), I even tried to tell him that Jesus would come get him. But the moment the words left my lips, I felt like I was just feeding him a line I wasn't even sure I believed myself. So I dropped it.

Finally, he just laid back against his pillows, and I asked him, "Do you want me to do your feet?" I'd been using foot reflexology as my means to touch and connect and care for him the last couple of weeks--often three times a day. He nodded his assent, and so I began the process of touching his entire body through his feet.

But this time was different than all the others--as I pressed and soothed each area connected to a specific organ of his body, I found myself saying out loud, "Well done, my son--I commend you to the Father." And again, "Well done, my son--I commend you to the Father..."

A bit surprising for someone who has never been baptized or schooled in an established religious organization, to realize a couple of months later--as she's watching a priest say the same lines on a TV show--that she was performing a last rites type of ritual.

But as my human mind yelled at me as I did it, asking, "WHO do you think you ARE? You're crazy...blah, blah, blah!"--I simply kept going. Because there was a warm expansiveness in my heart region that simply wanted Dad to know I loved him unconditionally and with a profound gratitude that is still expanding to this day. It didn't matter if Jesus or some other god loved him--what mattered in those last moments is that I realized that I LOVED HIM in ALL his ways, and I WAS GRATEFUL for him being a part of my life, my stories.

For a more in-depth rendering of this whole story of those last moments with Dad, click here: With Love, Dad.

I remember looking into my eyes in the bathroom mirror shortly after Dad took his last breath that following evening. Something was different, and I'm still hard-put to describe it. It felt surreal and I felt surreal...something profound in me had shifted.

I continued staying with my sister and brother-in-law for two weeks after Dad crossed over. I used the excuse of staying in order to help bring things to a close, but in truth, I didn't have any desire to return to my old life--the relationship issues, the career and job issues, all the trying to be a good neighbor and friend issues. Not one iota of any of it mattered anymore. As I wrote earlier--relationship problems and dramas of all kinds: religion, family, politics, government, education, business, jobs--it all seemed silly. NONE of it MATTERED! 

And I didn't know how to be in a world of belief systems about stuff that didn't matter to me anymore!

I remember walking into my kitchen to be warmly welcomed home by my husband and our beloved cats, Max and Molly--and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.

I simply wanted to hide out for awhile, to be alone. To not have to fix, do, be anything for anyone. I remember stepping outside onto our deck one afternoon only to glance over and see our elderly widow neighbor also standing outside. To me, at that moment, she was one more person to have to take care of--and I just couldn't take that on again, so I quietly slipped back inside my house cocoon before she saw me. Wouldn't you know, the moment I didn't want company, neighbors wanted to see me--ha! They all meant well, but, GOD!--did I yearn for some all-alone time in a pasture with just my pets and nature.

As I feel into those memories, I'm amazed I'm still here today, all these years later. The clipping of a single thread, and I could have easily left this world. It felt like such an empty VOID, and I had no idea where to go from there.

But, you see, it all worked out. I needed that time in the void to take stock, and to release myself from so many constructs and beliefs that I was operating on that I was unaware were there inside of me. Yes--I went through times of depression in the process of releasing. I had to empty out in order to make space for the new me that was emerging. But on the heels of those dark tunnels, dark nights of the soul, was this ENLIGHTENING of ME! Old baggage and burden after burden was dissolved away and I began to walk taller and straighter--much more confident and at home in my own skin than ever before.

And when I was ready to open up to friendships with others, they appeared in my life and through the internet, just like that (a snap of the fingers)! I discovered there were quite a few people around the world going through a similar awakening into themselves.

And in these friendships, I was reminded over and over, that I was doing just fine--that I was appropriately where and how I needed to be in every moment. Don't doubt yourself anymore! Trust yourself--you're really all that you have.

They reminded me to JUST BREATHE and be aware that I'm breathing and manifesting my life with every breath...

That I could simply choose what I desired "just because." I didn't have to earn the right, or prove my self worthy, first.

That forgiveness of self is knowing that past regrets and shames weren't really me. That was a person deeply asleep in the old layers of forgetting oneself and my connection to The Eternal.

That I didn't need to mentally try to figure any of it out....that mental analysis didn't really work to discover a true answer. 

That the true answers came from my heart, and I'd recognize it because it's the same voice of LOVE I listened to that night with Dad--that warm and comforting tingling awareness--of compassionate KNOWINGNESS...

And they reminded me to love myself fully, as I was reminded to do decades ago by that voice within me...the ONE that told me I AM SO LOVED...ALWAYS, IN ALL MY WAYS...