The Compassionate Lighthouse: A True Friend, Indeed

I love lighthouses because they don't meddle in others' lives. They simply stand firmly inside themselves upon a rock-hard foundation of their own unique creation, and they polish and shine out their brightest light in the moment at hand. They are the epitome of true compassion and friendship--of true mercy and grace.

When darkness of storm rages, with winds and waves of change tossing everything in the sea of life chaotically and frighteningly about, the lighthouse doesn't rush out into the sea to save ships--some who maybe don't even want to be saved or rescued. The lighthouse, as a true friend, realizes that maybe those ships would rather be reminded that they are the captains of their own life with their own unique path. All the friendly lighthouse does is stand quietly upon its own one-of-a-kind, safe and sacred shore; and it provides illumination in the darkness, revealing myriad potential paths of safety or treachery, fun or not-so-fun, ease or difficulty--not perceivable before. It's up to the captain to choose her/his own path of experience.

The lighthouse honors that FELLOW SOVEREIGN'S choice, no matter what, because the lighthouse knows deep within herself that ultimately everything works out okay. That, in her own experience, she was unaware of her own strength and grandness and gift of being until she journeyed through her own storms, her own way, using the lights of other houses of her choosing (or not) to sail her narrow, one-boat-wide path.

I'd rather have someone choose to be my friend simply because they liked interacting with me--not because I saved them and they feel indebted to me, or because I commiserated with them and felt sorry for them. Nor would I care to be some one's obligatory friend because they pitied me and felt superior from the deal. I'd rather walk away from a friendly interaction eyes smiling, and feeling uplifted and happy with myself--with them feeling the same about themselves. To me, that is pure friendship.

A few years ago, Adamus (see crimsoncircle.com) encouraged us to make the choice to lovingly and quietly disconnect for a time from our families in order to become aware of what we were bringing to the party antics that we call "family." By separating out for a bit, it would be easier to clearly see, and to let go of, our old relationship roles, patterns, stories and identities that no longer served us. We could choose to re-connect with them once again afterward, but we would do so more consciously aware of what we wanted from our interactions with each other.

What I realized in doing this exercise was astonishing for me--you see, I actually LIKED, LOVED and ADMIRED my family members before doing this. (To keep this simple, I'm speaking here about my parents and my brothers and sisters). But afterward--I FREELY like, love and admire them even more! And that is a huge FEELING difference.

I saw more clearly what I was unconsciously radiating out (or, more often than not, holding in and hiding) in my interactions with each individual. I saw the belief systems from which I was operating and co-creating my experiences with them. Many times it was the same old situation, just a different day. I realized how tightly I'd been holding myself in with them--for fear of their rejection of me! I had actually erected the strongest ego-protective barriers when around my family than with anyone, anywhere else.

The driving desire and passion under all of that is that I simply wanted them to like being with the authentic me as a true and pure friend. I didn't want them interacting with me out of obligation because we were biologically related--and holiday traditions or traumas/dramas dictated that we get together because that's what families do. I didn't want my family members coming to visit me because they thought it was the "right" thing to do--I wanted them to come because she/he liked her/him-self with me. And I'm actually okay now if people don't come to visit--I no longer take it as a personal slight. Compassion and love does let go--in their purest form, you have no expectations to fulfill.

Adamus's little exercise helped me let go of all those old perceived betrayals that my mind kept wanting to revisit just because it kept me occupied by feeling like a victim, which resulted in me sucking off the energy of anyone who happened to be in my vicinity at the time. Commiseration is kind of seductive, but it's not really that fun when one's done playing it out, and I never found a solution over any actual stumbling block by engaging in it.

Thirty years ago, I gave a high school graduation speech that I embarrassingly bawled my way through, not realizing at the time that I was a bit more sensitive to the emotional pain all around me--so much so that it all felt like it was my own. I would struggle for decades before I became aware that most (about 97%) of what I was feeling wasn't my own stuff. I was feeling into, empathing, the mass consciousness of humanity. I was stepping into other people's shoes and wearing them for periods of time, and playing with their belief systems and the stories created from them like they were my own. I then tried to figure out how to fix things for that person--make them happy so they'd like me.  Those kinds of friendships sucked the big one. The more I slaved over trying to be in service to someone else, the more taken for granted and ultimately, guiltily resentful, I felt about the whole situation.

I've realized I no longer care to feel all that empathy. To take on the pain and burdens of others and carry it around like it was my own in order to more closely analyze it to death, followed by trying to mentally figure out how to handle it for them. That was exhausting. I choose in its place to be a compassionate lighthouse: I'll self-fully radiate the brightest light I can muster, all the while, unconditionally accepting myself and everyone else in the moment at hand. 

As Adamus reminded me, "If it's in your life, you put it there--and only you can un-create it." No one can do anything to me or force me into something unless I've first radiated out into the universe that I want to play that particular game. On some level, in all the situations I've felt stuck in (or felt like I was being used or taken for granted), I've liked what I had going...and so it continued TO BE SO.

So I'm constantly going through my days now, taking moments to close my eyes, take a conscious breath, and feeling into what I'm radiating out into the world--am I open and smiling? Or am I braced for the worst?

In the speech, I quoted a song by the Beach Boys entitled, The Winds of Change. The line that resonated with me was, "There's a part of me that would like to be a shining lighthouse for all to see--and when the dark night hides the sun, shine a light for everyone to see."

True to form for me in my amazing, unintentional ability to hear lyrics incorrectly--thanks to recent access to the song via YouTube--I realized I misquoted the lyrics in my speech. It was 1982, we listened to music on cassettes, and we didn't have access to the lyrics unless they were printed on the album covers (no such thing as the Internet). I said instead, "In my life's dream, I'd like to be a shining lighthouse for all to see..." Hey! It worked, too! Ha!

As Adamus pointed out, it's not about shining a light for the world or anyone else. First, no one else really needs it--everyone has their own unique light, and a person can just end up stirring pots of trouble and ticking people off trying to be a flashlight for someone who is SO not interested in your beam. For me, it was simply about taking the lampshade off my head and quitting my hiding of my true heart, and self, from the world around me. It was about letting myself FREELY EXPRESS. For me, part of that has been done by writing this blog.

My point of all of this is:

The winds of change are definitely blowing, flowing and swirling around our doors. It's pretty stormy all over the world, whether it's a political or relationship fracas, a war, a storm, an earthquake, etc. It's an opportunity for each person to discover themselves and their unique expressions of light in all these storms that shake us awake out of our life-numbing hypnoses.

These dark tunnel experiences make us first become aware of, and then question, the belief systems/suggestions we've blindly made our truths in the past. In blindly living out "this is the way life is and this is how you live it" we never realized we could choose and live something else--possibly something MORE. These potentials for change are something to be embraced and celebrated.

As for the paths one picks to sail--well, they don't have to be difficult and traumatic. Maybe that's the experience you want--that's fine. But if you want it easy and gracefully smooth--just choose that, and understand you don't have to mentally figure out how to make it so. Just choose it and breathe, dropping off all the protective armor, lowering all the guarding walls surrounding the you within...literally.

Just open up and flow, flow, flow...quit thinking, judging, analyzing. Close your eyes, and allow GRATITUDE for everything instead.

Remember: the imperfect Little Human you is simply one COSTUME of many for your Divinity to experience itself. We're all just acting out fictional stories together.

Treat yourself with unconditional acceptance and gratitude for being ALL your ways.

I've breathed myself through many a trauma and storm, and hugged and encouraged myself like no one outside of me could. I encourage everyone to embrace and discover who you really are--there is no such thing as an ordinary lighthouse.

I have the opportunity to shine my light into my world, highlighting and choosing possibilities of life lived more joyfully and abundantly and PEACEFULLY than I ever imagined before.

I'm thinking my life's dream is coming true for me...in my own simple way...

With love, my friends and fellow lighthouses...

Your friend,
Beamer